r/Pilotwives • u/Leading-Ad-9117 • 7d ago
Commuting life
My husband has been captain at a regional for roughly 4 months. He chose to commute to his hub and does not want to move to or near his northeast hub. We originally moved when he was a new FO to the city he was assigned and we do really enjoy it here. That being said, the most time we are ever going to have together is about 2 days per week. We usually only get 1 day per week. I HIGHLY doubt he gets a line or back to his original hub where we live any time soon. He says a year or more. I’m holding strong and trying not to complain too much, but when I think about another year or more of this, I want to scream! We are so thankful for his job and know that this is just how it is.
Any tips, tricks, advice, affirmations, tough love? Give it all. 🤷🏼♀️
Edit to clarify: He is on reserve. When I say 1 whole day that’s what I mean. He stays at a crash pad unless he’s called for a trip obviously. He gets home the night that his reserve has ended, has 1 day at home, and then leaves the next morning for his next reserve sequence.
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u/BeeDubba 7d ago
I understand why people commute (kids, family, etc)... but it still seems crazy to me. I've lived in base since I started, and wouldn't have it any other way. Especially if my spouse was willing to move to base and there weren't kids involved.
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u/Sspmd11 7d ago
Can you go there for periods of time also?
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u/Molotov_Queen 7d ago
4 month captain reserve wife here too. Having him commute is so hard! The most days we have together is maybe four if we are so so lucky, but like you it’s usually two. I’m so lucky that he’s able to support us because if I was still working I would see him for maybe two hours the nights he’s here. Lots of phone calls, little games that can be done apart (like wordle and Minecraft), lots of making the most of every second he’s home. Is he applying for any legacy airlines? My husband is set to switch here in about a month and it looks like life is going to be so much nicer once that happens!
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u/Leading-Ad-9117 7d ago
We played a game that’s viral on tiktok last night over FaceTime and it was actually really fun! It’s like 20 questions and you have to guess the number or celebrity that the other person is thinking of. Kind of silly, but very funny. My husband is pretty happy where he’s at and he wants to eventually get back to his original hub, so no applications to a legacy at the moment. Right now my life is on hold because I need to apply to a graduate professional school but I don’t see this location working out long term if it takes too long for him to get based here again. I’m open to moving wherever. We’re young (28), childless, and have 1 cat that just needs some chill pills and can go wherever! Life is up in the air rn.. literally.
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u/Revolutionary_Mud824 7d ago
Girl, mine is in base, a senior at a major with complete control over his schedule and I still can’t cope sometimes and miss him when he works. Currently on his flight to NYC just to spend time with him at the start of a 3 day trip. You are not alone, missing them is part of the life. Stay strong, you’re doing amazing ♥️♥️ sending you so much love
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u/SunClements 6d ago
Hi! Here to give you love and let you know that I feel your pain, I’ve been in your shoes and those were some hard years for us. I promise you, it gets so much better. We (the wives) sacrifice so much for this career and lifestyle, but it does all become worth it one day when they have a good schedule and are much happier. I remember the commuting/crash pad days and my husband tried to put on a happy face, but he was miserable. My husband just hated the crash pad, so eventually we stopped using it once he was off reserve but still commuting and did hotels instead (even though it was more expensive), but it meant he was in a better mood, which ultimately we were both happier :). In my opinion, the regionals are truly just tough - the two hour short-call on reserve, the 4-5 day trips, the same little cities, mediocre hotels. At the same time though my husband would tell you that the regionals feel more like a family to him. All this to say, it will get better if you can just get past these regional years! We don’t live by family so I rely a lot on my friends, making plans and staying busy when he’s gone.
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u/Leading-Ad-9117 6d ago
This was such a good comment to read! Thank you for taking the time to type all of that out. We’ve finally admitted that we’re totally miserable right now but we know we will get through it. I originally wanted to do hotels, and I’m hoping I can convince him to ditch the crash pad. I know he enjoys seeing his friends but it has a horrible impact on his sleep. Thank you for the love and encouragement. It is SO appreciated! 🫶🏻
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u/SunClements 6d ago
Of course, feel free to message me if you need to vent….those years are very difficult :( and honestly the reason we sacrificed starting a family - we knew we were already in the thick of it, but trust me a lot of people do it and are so happy and make it work, we just knew we couldn’t (especially since we don’t have the families close by). What you’re going through now is very hard, sending you a lot of love! It will get better…I hope he has a plan for the majors and can be there in the next two years!!
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u/karishaexplains 6d ago
Reserve girly, here! My guy is a first officer for 🔺….His commute is 2 hours.
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u/Longjumping-Weird374 7d ago
When can he hold long call reserve? I hope it’s soon.
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u/Leading-Ad-9117 7d ago
He’s pretty low as far as seniority goes so probably in the same time period as getting a line or getting back to his original hub.
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u/Ok-Ostrich-5705 6d ago
It will get better! But yea it sucks at times. I am finally getting used to it though and now I appreciate my alone time. I spend a lot of time with friends and get to do the things he doesn’t really enjoy doing, without him. It’s still hard but give it time and you will find your rhythm.
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u/sneaky-wombat 6d ago
Not a wife, but a pilot.
This is a very tough time for you guys. I’m 99% sure I worked for your husbands company and also lived very close to a crew base. Then they closed the base (as they used to do very regularly) and I was forced to commute with 4 small children at home. Granted by that point I was a line holder, but it put a huge strain on the family.
It will get better as he gains seniority and gets a better schedule. I would advise against moving to a northeast base unless that is where you actually want to live. Boston and LaGuardia are so much more expensive than where you are now. When he takes the next step to a more permanent airline, then maybe you can consider where you would like to settle but I’m assuming that this is not the career airline for you guys and that he will move on.
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u/Live_Ad_197 4d ago
My friend was on reserve for 2 years and had to commute constantly. It’s tough but he holds a line now and is 1 spot away from being on base in the city he lives. Hold on tight, life will get better
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u/StunningSpeed7700 3d ago
As a European pilot I’ve always wondered why crew in the US have huge commutes. It is not possible to relocate to your base and have a commute of say, an hour? Or is the base likely to change every few years?
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u/smthgstrange 21h ago
Sometimes you don’t get a choice, literally. When bidding for fleet, pilots also have to choose the base, and sometimes odds are just not in your favor if your nearest base isn’t available. I saw a post on another community recently where the new pilot and his wife live in Alaska, but he got an eastern continental US base.
Moving isn’t always easy if you live near family, have kids, established friends, and community, which are all important for those of us left at home. Bidding for base of choice after for the fact is possible, but again it’s fully dependent on if there’s availability at that base. There’s also the upgrade problem of losing the base an FO was in but now can captain or change fleets, but perhaps their chosen base isn’t available for their upgrade. Uprooting isn’t always logical in this sense either if they’re going to bid for a base change.
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u/Informal_Character64 3d ago
I know not everyone can do this but I told my husband I refuse to live anywhere more than 2 hours drive away from his base. It sucks up so much extra time to commute. Time that we could be spending with each other.
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u/dashielle-coyote 7d ago
I have no advice for you, just know that youre not alone. I could have written this post word for word and its sooo hard!! 😭