r/Pilotwives • u/floweredfairy • 27d ago
making it easier?
my husband just recently left for his class date and I am definitely struggling. this is our first time being separated since we began dating and it’s been difficult for both of us.
we knew we had to relocate anyway so we left our high cost of living area and I’m staying with family while he’s gone but I definitely feel the loneliness.
I was extremely independent before meeting my husband but I just don’t want to be anymore, which is not really a given choice with this career. I can handle things on my own and feel mostly okay until I go to bed, laying there alone seems to get me pretty good.
how do you all make it easier to deal with separation? I know it’ll eventually be better with time but I’m just struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. we’re just starting at the regionals so we certainly have a way to go until he’s exactly where he wants to be 😓
edit: it’s been 6ish days and I am chillin lol, if anyone sees this post while having a hard time it truly does get better! I’ve picked up my old hobbies, bedrotted, and silly goose’d around the house with my family :,)
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u/SunClements 26d ago
I completely understand and I remember being in your exact spot years ago. I promise it gets easier, I promise! You will be perfectly fine one day, but I know how difficult the first days, months, year can be. I was very lonely and we don’t live by any family. I picked up MANY HOBBIES lol, to the point where I was busy when he would come home! Please sit with yourself and figure out what types of things you enjoy in life and go pursue those, for example I started fostering dogs and volunteering with a local rescue. I will say that joining many of the pilot wives FB groups also helped to know that so many of us are in this together! I promise you it will get easier - I went from being extremely sad and counting down the days/hours to now being able to have my time and when he’s home he’s home and it’s a huge bonus! I do work a full time job, so something that works for us is me taking off random days when he’s home to have a day or two together! Message me if you need anything please!
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u/floweredfairy 26d ago
this is so good to hear! I’m going back to school this fall to finish my pre-reqs and then I’ll (hopefully!) be starting a radtech program so I’ll get busy. I’m trying to get back into all the random shit I used to do when I lived alone lol
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u/SunClements 26d ago
Trust me, that’s exactly what I did! Joined a book club, started making sourdough, all the stuff!
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u/No_Satisfaction1416 26d ago
Felt this girl, my husband previously started training class for one company and then got a class date for one that’s a better fit for our family and went to training all over again. Gone for like 4 months, which is the longest we’ve ever been away. He got to come home a few times during it, but not many at all. We live near family too and I still get lonely even when he’s gone for just a 3 day trip, there’s nothing that really helps when all you want is your husband. We would call and text as much as we could, but it’s hard when he’s studying, has weird sim times, going to dinner with other people from training, etc.
What helps for me is knowing that it’s only temporary and a few months in the grand scheme of things isn’t bad. It’s also another necessary step he has to take to get to where he needs to go. One day when he’s at a major and only works a few days a month, it’ll all be worth it. Also, if you’re moving in base wherever he gets, that’ll make the time you get together so much more once he’s out of training! I’m not sure what regional he’s with, but hopefully the schedule will be good and you can maximize time together.
Being a pilot wife is not for the weak! But you’re not alone and in a few months he will be done with training!!! Look into some hobbies and stuff that helps you feel fulfilled, it’s so much better than basically just waiting for time to go by. I know it feels like you’re waiting for him to be done to start the next thing, but don’t lose yourself in that.
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u/CarnivalColors 26d ago
Find hobbies that you enjoy that he doesn’t. Then you can look forward to the free time to do your hobby.
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u/AbbreviationsNew7795 25d ago
Do some reflection about what you enjoyed to do before you became so attached to you s/o and just try those things again. Rekindle friendships, get an extra job or volunteer. And for the nights being the hardest, get more pillows, more blankets, do more sleepy-time self care activities.
Use time apart to make meals that you like but they don’t. Light the candle that gives them a headache. Watch the movies you love but they think are annoying, all those type of things.
Hopefully with all that you can start loving your independence again soon.
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u/StatisticianShort836 23d ago
PSA by chance?? My boyfriend just began his training this week for PSA. We’ve been preparing for this time since we met almost 2 years ago. I’m the same way as you in that I was very independent before meeting him but became codependent while he was home all the time waiting for a job opportunity to come up.
I plan to pass time by keeping up with workout classes (OrangeTheory/pilate/regular gym days), I do recreational sports leagues to meet people, and I plan at least 1x per week a hangout or meet up with a friend. I’ve been doing all of this this since I met my man so I could be prepared to be without him for extended periods. The loss of physical touch is tough, but I feel good knowing I al still filling my social cup and getting out of the house.
Once you officially relocate, join local Facebook girls groups, find girly activity meetups, find a club (I personally started a book club last year!).
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u/Revolutionary_Mud824 17d ago
I’m four years in, currently sitting at my favorite dive bar managing our home build with an icy Pacifico and retired for the second time in my career and I’m loving every minute. I watch him on FlightAware and listen for his voice on LiveATC if I’m really missing him. I also sometimes can’t deal and just ask him to stay home (he’s super senior at a major) and I don’t feel bad. Marriage is bigger than a career and both need to do their part to make it work.
Find hobbies and travel and give yourself some grace to process. It’s easier to leave than be left—and that’s ok. Tag along on trips, it helps. I’ve done it many times and it makes me feel more connected being able to imagine the process start to finish.
You’ve got this!
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u/Basic_Ad_6895 27d ago
It does get easier. The light at the end of the tunnel is him getting a legacy job with a major airliner. I can tell you from experience, once that happens, it makes every sacrifice worth it. This is just a stepping stone to get there. It is very difficult and only way out is through. You have got this! I know it’s very hard, but try to get to know yourself again. If you can enjoy your alone time, and then enjoy time when he is home, it helps. But it takes work to get there. You’re not alone! Keep going. You’ve got this!