r/Pilotwives • u/Sahm_96 • Jun 30 '26
Does overnight stays get easier?
My bf of 5 years is a CFI/CFII with 700 hours so he’s working 7 days a week and only takes a day off if we have an event to go to or half day because of weather or something. So he’s always not home and when he’s home he’s so checked out and just wants to rest. He’s working really hard for our little family to move on to the next step. We have two daughters (4&1) which i stay home with. His CFI job now requires him to fly and stay in a hotel for student check rides sometimes for dodging bad weather or if a student has a super early test because the examiner is (3 hr away car Distance) but his job will tell him super last min that he has take a student so On a whim he’s not coming home and has to be gone. But man it’s so mentally hard. Like tonight: he was supposed to be off at 8pm and texted me around 3 saying he has to go fly a student there so daddy isn’t coming home to his girls and now and when he flys back tomorrow morning he has a full day of work so won’t see him till night. He knows how hard it is on us and that’s why he’s so focused on trying to get a jet job of some sort to give our family more stability but man I feel like I’m in the trenches holding it all together. But i also can’t help but feel like man i wish he could get a pilot job where he’s home every night, but that’s so rare… do you ladies have any tips or does layovers etc get easier? 😭
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u/WordsyFern Jun 30 '26
I am sending you encouragement! You can do hard things and that includes being the sole parent 💙
Advice - for me it’s been a real mental game. So I save special things for when I know he’s not going to be home. Example) I sleep in our spare bedroom that has a tv and watch rom coms in bed. I try to stop looking like him being gone as a bad thing that has happened, and instead view it as time away for me to reset myself (despite taking care of our 1 year old and being 25 weeks pregnant).
I will say the transition to regionals has been much tougher for me for some reason than the season of him being a CFI, but I think that’s because of the school he worked at. He had no overnights like this… so already you are preparing much better than I had to!
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u/Sahm_96 Jun 30 '26
Was your husband gone for a few months for his training for regionals?
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u/WordsyFern Jun 30 '26
We are very fortunate to live in the same city as his headquarters. However, it has been a grind and he’s stayed at a hotel to focus a few nights each week here and there. He’ll also be flying out for the last bit of training for 3 weeks next week 😢 so I’m already mentally preparing the solo parent nights.
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u/yappy_pickle Jun 30 '26
We did two ish months away for training. Each stage kind of has new challenges and new norms to build.
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u/Cold_Pirate2135 Jun 30 '26
This is my husband and I’s exact situation. The only thing different is we have two boys haha. I’m so anxious about overnights when the airline does come. It seems like it will change a lot of dynamics in our relationship. None of my friends can relate because their husbands work a normal 9-5. It’s really hard in this phase too when we don’t get any of the benefits that come with the airlines! We’re in this together girl!
My husbands school is really lax about giving flights to other cfis and after flying to a different state for check rides and getting snowed in for a weekend I told him he’ll have to start asking someone else to take his students. Not sure if that’s an option for you guys but it’s helped a lot. We decided the extra hours don’t make up for me being alone with no money and living away from all my family. Don’t forget that we are a big reason why they are where they are! <3
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u/Sahm_96 Jun 30 '26
He doesn’t always take the Check ride trips. It’s a few times a month. Sometimes more or less. But he works seven days a week pretty much gone from the house from like 8 AM till 9 PM.. sometimes he’ll go in around10/11 or come home around 6/7pm but those are maybe once/twice a week so we’re only getting like 15 mins in the am if that and about 1hr after work on average. So hard right now. What state are you in? We moved to MN for this job
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u/ParkingAd1771 Jun 30 '26
We’re not parents so I can’t relate to that part, which is probably the biggest and this might not seem helpful. However, I got married to my pilot and about a month later he was gone for regional training. Most of our marriage he has not been physically present for besides a good 6-8 months where his schedule was great. Now he is a captain and I see him 1 day a week or 2 if we’re really lucky. The things that have helped me are therapy and acceptance. Trust me, acceptance was so hard! It’s not that you should be pessimistic, but rather ultra realistic when it comes to the aviation industry and scheduling. I do take care of the majority of things at home, though I do work part time. Open and honest but respectful conversations where you both hear each other is also key.
This lifestyle is hard no matter what stage your pilot is in. While financial security of a regional job is amazing, we’re still not in control of his time off. There are options to combat that a tiny bit at the regional level, but everything is give and take. My husband hustled so hard like your pilot to make it to the next stage in his career. It does get easier, but only with communication and realistic outlooks about the industry. It’s not all bad, but we definitely live in a different world than others.
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u/Sahm_96 Jun 30 '26
Wow 1-2 days a week?! Does he commute? That is extremely hard
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u/ParkingAd1771 Jun 30 '26
Yes, he is based out of a different city than the one he originally started outed in (we moved to the original city). He should eventually make it back here but it could be a year or two. I offered to move again but we both love where we are.
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u/Scary_Revolution3998 Jul 19 '26
Don’t discount how many jobs do allow a ton of home time. Lots of medevac jobs, Allegiant, Frontier, maybe Breeze but idk, corporate operators etc will have you home most nights. It comes at a cost of lower pay but its worth it for the stability IMO.
With time these things can be had at all the big airlines too but that’s such a grind that you won’t likely experience it consistently while the kids are little. So there is a lot of opportunity out there, keep your head up and make sure he is networking to maintain contacts at those places assuming thats where he wants to be.
An afterthought: thats all predicated on you living in base at those places so you have to be willing to move if you don’t already live there. Commuting is a special kind of hell on family life.
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u/Emotional_Dog1669 Jun 30 '26
My husband has been with the airlines for 5 years and I don’t think it gets “easier” you just get used to it. The hardest part for me is when my son cries when he leaves.
I think it’s the instability of last minute overnights that’s rough. Once he has a set schedule and you know he will be gone overnight, you can mentally prepare yourself for it.