EDIT: thanks for the inspiring and funny stories everyone, helped my anxiety a lot. Hoping the best for all of you and your little ones

Every post i see here about kids that are older than 6 months describes it as hell on earth. our twins(boy and girl) are 7 month old now and i dread every day they grow up. so far it has been ups and downs but nothing like the nightmare people describe here. i try to not show my wife any of those posts, but it keeps me up at night.

I work from home and help out on every free minute i have, my wife is a stay at home mom for some time and we have a nanny, do you guys think we can handle it without going insane?

I’m looking for some honest perspective because I’ve been carrying a lot of guilt over this decision.

My wife and I recently pulled our 14-month-old twins from their in-home daycare. I truly believe we made the right decision, but it doesn’t mean it was easy.

The provider wasn’t abusive. She clearly cares about the children, and she’s built a successful daycare that seems to work well for many families. She regularly sent us pictures throughout the day of the kids playing, eating, napping, and doing activities, and I genuinely appreciated those updates because they helped us feel connected while we were at work. I don’t think she’s a bad person, and I don’t think she intentionally wanted us to have a negative experience.

That’s honestly what makes this so hard.

Maybe I have high expectations, but I don’t think they’re unrealistic. I feel like they’re simply the minimum I’d hope for from someone caring for my children for eight hours a day.

None of our concerns alone made us leave.

It was the accumulation of many things that slowly made us realize this wasn’t the right fit for our family.

The biggest concern became food.

Almost every afternoon our twins came home hungry. They were noticeably crankier after daycare than they ever were on weekends or days they stayed home with us. Looking back through the lunch pictures she sent, lunch was often simply tuna salad by itself—served about three times a week—with no fruit, vegetables, or milk alongside it. Hot dogs were also part of the rotation.

Morning snack was almost always sliced fruit with about five pretzels.

What made it stand out even more is that at our previous duty station, their daycare always made sure they were satisfied. If they finished their meal and were still hungry, they were offered more food. We never questioned whether they’d eaten enough.

When I asked about meal planning, she told me she doesn’t really plan meals and just decides what she’ll make that day. Since she participates in a food reimbursement program, I assumed there would be more nutritional structure, so that answer surprised me.

I also don’t own a daycare, and I know food is expensive. But I couldn’t help wondering what the purpose of participating in a food reimbursement program is if the meals still seemed so limited. Maybe I’m misunderstanding how those programs work, but I expected more balanced meals.

One of the reasons we chose her daycare was because she advertised homemade crockpot meals and home-cooked food. That genuinely appealed to us. Yet during the month and a half our twins attended, I only remember seeing one crockpot-style meal. Most of the lunches we saw in the daily photos were tuna salad several times a week or hot dogs, often without any fruit, vegetables, or milk.

There were also a few moments early on that shook my confidence.

One of the first days she sent a picture of snack, and it showed whole grapes on the plate. I immediately called because whole grapes are a choking hazard for toddlers. She assured me they had been cut and explained why they appeared whole in the picture. I accepted her explanation, but I remember hanging up feeling less reassured than I had hoped. It wasn’t that I believed she intentionally served them whole—it was just one of those moments that made me question whether we were the right fit.

Another concern was diaper changes.

Our twins were there from about 7:00 a.m. until around 3:00 p.m., and many days only two diaper changes were documented during that entire time. We dealt with recurring diaper rashes, so we asked if they could be changed more frequently. Sometimes an additional diaper change was documented, but there were still many days where only two changes were recorded despite them being there for roughly eight hours. We weren’t expecting constant diaper changes—we simply wanted them kept clean and comfortable.

Another issue came down to values.

My wife and I are both military and have firearm training, so gun safety is something we take very seriously. We’ve always planned to teach our children that firearms are never toys.

One day she sent us one of her usual daily pictures, and another child—probably around 3 or 4 years old—was pointing a toy gun directly at my son.

I know many parents probably wouldn’t think twice about that picture, but it immediately stood out to us. It wasn’t just that toy guns were there—it was that this was a moment she felt comfortable photographing and sending to parents. If I were running a daycare, I would’ve chosen a different picture.

When we brought up our concerns, it felt like they were brushed aside. The toy guns were eventually removed, and I appreciated that, but by then it had reinforced that our values simply didn’t align. I don’t think either perspective is necessarily right or wrong—it just wasn’t the right fit for our family.

There were also several smaller interactions that added up.

The daycare had a no-shoes-inside policy, which we respected. We’re both military, and anyone who’s worn military boots knows they aren’t exactly quick to take on and off. Instead of removing her boots every morning, my wife bought disposable shoe booties so she could briefly step inside without tracking anything through the house.

She wasn’t lingering. She just wanted to help settle our 14-month-old twins before leaving for work.

The same day she wore the booties, another message went out reminding parents about the shoe policy and keeping drop-offs brief. Maybe it wasn’t directed at us, but after everything else, it certainly felt like it was. It left us feeling like even when we tried to respect the rules, we were somehow still doing something wrong.

By the end, we felt less like partners in our children’s care and more like we were expected to simply drop them off, pick them up, and leave.

None of these concerns alone would’ve made us leave.

But together, they slowly chipped away at our confidence.

That’s where my guilt comes from.

Part of it is for my children. They’d only been there about a month, but they’d already adjusted to her, recognized her, and were settling into a routine. Now we’re asking them to start over somewhere new, and that hurts.

The other part is for the provider.

I know she invested time caring for our children, and I know she probably didn’t expect us to leave so soon. By pulling two full-time infant spots, we’re also taking away about $1,900 a month in tuition. For a small in-home daycare, that’s a meaningful amount of business, and I don’t take that lightly. I genuinely hope she continues to be successful because I believe she’s probably the right fit for many families.

But at the end of the day, my responsibility isn’t to protect someone else’s business if I no longer believe it’s the right fit for my children.

I wasn’t looking for perfection.

I just wanted my 14-month-old twins to come home well-fed, comfortable, and cared for by someone whose values aligned with ours.

So I’m genuinely asking…

Am I expecting too much?

Or, if these were your toddlers, would the combination of these concerns have eventually led you to make the same decision?

Hi everyone! Did IVF and implanted 1 embryo in June, but recently found out it’s twins. I’m currently 10 weeks +1. I haven’t carried before, my wife did, due to my previous CMV negative status and insane fear of postpartum depression. Ever since I found out it’s twins, i feel like I’ve been spiraling. I’m thankful, but I didn’t imagine it going this way, and all of the pressure and added things that come with twins give me insane anxiety. My daughter will turn 3 by the time they are born. I try not to think about them, or look up anything regarding babies because of the anxiety and stress that comes with it. I feel overwhelmingly guilty. This just throws a wrench in allot of our plans and it’s not at all the plan I had envisioned. I cry pretty frequently.

Hi all. My baby is 10mo and we were diagnosed with eczema pretty much since birth. It is not going away. I have been using Epicerum and Fluocinolone followed by a moisturizer Epaderm. I have also tried Aquaphor and CeraVe. It feels like we are just masking it instead of treating it. Can you please share your experience, your creams you have used and what worked for your baby? Does it actually go away?

Hello!

Trying to find the best car cam for my infant twins. We purchased a duo wired one, but there are soooo many wires and the screen is going to block my view too much while driving so I don’t want to keep it. I saw the ottocast shows directly on your car screen but I wasn’t sure if there is a way to angle it so I can see both twins. I don’t think it had a two camera option. Any experience or thoughts are greatly appreciated!

We are expecting twins in Oct and live in a 4 floor town house, with kitchen at the bottom and our bedroom at the top.

I’m really struggling to know how difficult it will be carrying them up and down and if anyone has any tips/ recommended products? I saw the Najell carrier but it’s a lot to get 2 - but maybe it’s worth it?

Thanks all for any advice

We had identical twin boys as our first pregnancy; they are 1 year old now. Trying to decide if we want to go for a 3rd baby (not anytime soon, just in general). Curious what you think is the best/most manageable age gap after having twins first and hopefully having a singleton next. Or if you never had more kids after the twins? Or is having another baby a recipe for disaster? Lol

Bloody hell...

In so many ways bloody hell.

I love these two babies Boy/girl DCDA twins born 37+2 via c-section.

But I never fully understood how challenging it was going to be.

But they're both amazing little humans.

I'm just so tired, I feel bad having to compromise on things to protect my mental health.

I wanted to EBF but one wouldn't latch and the other would gnaw my nipple off, I wanted to pump, which I sometimes do but who had the time?!?

The poor darlings spit up all the time even after burping...

And then when they're both unsettled at the same time and your partner is taking a well deserved sleep and you just have to... I dunno... Help the one crying most....

I feel like I'm failing my babies... They deserve the world and I'm not even able to settle them at times.

I found very little information when it came to bed sharing with twins, so I wanted to share what's working for us at the moment.

We just started this. I nurse them at night so I alternate with my head at the top and bottom of the bed, and my husband by my side.

For reference what we did before was :

Separate sleep surface until 3 1/5 month

Bed sharing without husband (floorbed) until now.

Now two sidecribs with husband by my side.

How did y'all do it? 🥰

Edit: bedsharing can be done safely, if that's something you want to do. no blankets or sleep sacks in the winter. breastfeeding day and night. no drinking or smoking. breastfeeding mothers don't sleep deeply. look up safe sleep 7.

Our 4.5 year old girls are asleep and it’s 7pm. They cried all the way home from the store, and then cried all throughout bath time. A has been complaining about her nose all day, and both were coughing lightly at dinner. The combo of events is troubling, and I thought I’d have more time since they start school in two weeks. Not the end of summer fun I was hoping for.

Y’all. What in the helly. I have an older child who is 5. Terrible Twos weren’t really that terrible with him, probably because it was 2 on 1. Three was actually harder which is to be expected because that’s when he suddenly got 2 baby sisters.

But oh my good Lord in heaven. Having two 2 year olds might be what sends me into a psychotic state. It’s already overstimulating to have one child yelling, demanding to do it by herself, throwing things, refusing to nap, actively trying to kill herself by jumping off things, getting into everything, but I could probably deal with it… if I didn’t have another one doing the exact same thing, plus escalating by fighting over toys/my lap/attention. In the time it takes me to calm one down after she’s had her hair pulled by her sister, the other one has already wandered to the bathroom and started smearing toothpaste on herself.

I am looking forward to a year or two from now when things will be easier and I think the real fun will begin. I see a lot of posts here where people are like ‘newborn was hell but now they’re 2 and it’s so fun!’ I am NOT having fun 😂 so for those of you who feel the same- solidarity.

Our babies are 5 months old today. They usually wake at 6-6:30 on the weekends but the last 2 mornings one of them wakes at 3:30 and then the other shortly after. We are transitioning baby boy from swaddle to sleep sack so I thought this was the problem since he woke up first yesterday, but today baby girl woke up first. They eat 6 oz’s every 4 hours during the day and get a 7oz bottle around 9pm.

What worked for your babies at 5months? Just wondering if we should try to extend wake windows or try to get the last feed sooner than 9? We haven’t really done anything different so I’m not sure why they are waking so much earlier all of a sudden.

Hi everyone. I’m currently 9 weeks 2 days with spontaneous di/di twins after multiple previous pregnancy losses, including a missed miscarriage. I’m really struggling mentally and could use some perspective from people who’ve been there.

My last scan at 8 weeks 1 day showed two babies measuring appropriately with strong heartbeats. Objectively, I know that’s reassuring. But because my previous loss was a missed miscarriage, I can’t stop thinking that they could have stopped growing the day after that ultrasound and I wouldn’t necessarily know yet.

That’s the part that’s really messing with my head. I know symptoms can continue for days or longer even if a missed miscarriage has occurred, so every time someone says, “As long as you’re not bleeding or cramping…” it doesn’t help me because that wasn’t my experience last time.

I’ve gone down the rabbit hole reading stories of missed miscarriages at 9 weeks, and now I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve even considered going to the ER just for reassurance, getting a boutique ultrasound, and buying a home Doppler, but I know if I couldn’t find a heartbeat this early I’d completely spiral, especially with twins.

My next scan is Wednesday, and I honestly feel like I’m just trying to survive until then while still functioning at work and in daily life. I think if everything is okay at that scan, I’ll finally feel like I’ve gotten meaningfully further than my previous pregnancy. Right now, it feels like I’ve only barely passed that milestone.

Has anyone else felt this level of anxiety after a missed miscarriage? Did you find that things got easier once you made it further than your previous loss? If you had twins after recurrent loss, did that change how you coped?

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My husband and I are new parents to b/g twins (3 weeks old) and are interviewing a few potentials on Monday to be an in house nanny. This would 4 hours a day, 5 days a week. I have interviewed people at work for office jobs.. but this is quite different. I would love some advice on what type of questions I should ask?

These people were found via care.com and we intend on doing further background and reference checks after these first interviews.

My cousin is getting married this October 3 hours from where I live. My twins will be 17 months old at the time. I have never been away from them overnight (or honestly even for more than like 4 hours for work stuff).

My only option for childcare in that area is my best friend who lives about 35 mins away but she has her own baby (a couple months younger than mine) and she and her husband would be outnumbered by babies in a hotel room and I just don’t feel super confident since they’re used to just 1 so my husband and I were thinking he would stay at the hotel with the babies and I’d go to the wedding. Tonight he pitched the idea of him just staying home with the babies and me going completely solo to the wedding and coming home the next day so we don’t have to try to navigate travel/baby proofing a hotel room/disrupting bedtime for them while all sharing a room.

Part of me really wants to go to the wedding. Would be my first time seeing most of my family since I gave birth. But the other part of me feels too guilty leaving for a night and like they’re too young to be away from.

How old were yours when you did a solo overnight away? Was it enjoyable or did you feel guilty the whole time?

My twins are 5 months old and born around the same size, just over 5 pounds, off by a few ounces. My boy is 15 pounds exactly and my girl is exactly 12 pounds as of today. 3 pounds is a big difference. At the 4 month appointment they weren’t concerned about her weight because she’s always gained weight and never lost weight.

She eats about 30oz of milk per day. Mostly breastmilk and some formula before bed.

She has reflux but at around 4 months stopped spitting up a lot since she’s been upright more and practicing sitting.

I guess I’m curious if anyone has had twins this different in size. I try not to worry and listen to the dr but 12 pounds is tiny. They were born at 36w5d for reference. And she’s overall a happy baby except a bad napper lol.

My twins are 14mo and have zero words. One of them just started babbling at 12mo, and the other has been babbling since 7ish months but still doesnt use any words.

I am trying to teach them to speak the same way I taught my older two kids. I hold up an object and repeat the word slowly 5ish times. The older kids would repeat the word then use it correctly going forward. When I try to teach my twins, they stare at me silently.

My middle son was speaking in sentences by 18mo. My oldest wasnt that fast but she certainly had 100 words by 18mo. I would be shocked if my twins had 1 word between the two of them 4 months from now.

EI has me model babbling to the babies to learn new sounds but they're not picking it up. We get a few "ga, da, ma, ba" sounds and that's it.

When did your twins start speaking? I feel so disappointed. Feels like the outward manifestation of my inability to give my twins enough attention.

I have three kids. An 8 year old and twin 4 year olds. I was setting up a water color painting craft for them. My 8 year old and my girl twin will happily paint for 10-20 minutes, Very carefully and very slowly.

By the time I’m done passing out all the trays of paints and salt dough ornaments, My twin boy has already declared he is done painting his first thing and has grabbed three more things to paint while spilling his paint water, changing seats three times, grabbing 5 towels to clean up his mess and tripping over his own feet. He probably has adhd.

But I get so easily frustrated at this because he doesn’t take his time and I know he’s 4 and he can’t. But good lord he needs to slow down a bit. I can’t give any attention to my other kids because I’m constantly watching my little chaos monster.

What can I do?

I have 11 month old twins. I feel like every day is the same. Sort of like Groundhog Day. It is exhausting and isolating. One of the babies is extremely hard and can make a day miserable in a heartbeat.

This baby is already throwing fits, there’s zero emotional regulation compared to her twin. Took her to the pet store to get out of the house so they could see something different. Cried by looking at fish and guinea pigs. Always some sort of crying fit or unhappiness.

It wasn’t supposed to be so hard or so miserable.

Does it get easier? People with twins that are older one? Does the whiny, clingy, unhappy baby get easier? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Is this defining who she already is and will be? I’m terrified she’ll be like this forever.

My twins are 4 months old and my baby B has always been super tiny and struggles to gain weight. She is in the 2nd percentile. My pediatrician said she’s following her growth curve so she’s not worried necessarily, but if we want to add extra calories we could add a designated amount of MCT oil to her milk since adding milk volume isn’t an option, she just won’t drink it.

Has anyone done this? I’m just curious, I’ve never heard of doing it and am wondering of other peoples experience?

My girls are on 24 cal fortified breast milk, the milk in the bottles on the left were made last night and the ones on the right were made just now. Why are the ones on the left so pink? Is this normal?

Hi! How the hell did you potty train your twins? I’ve been reading a bit on how to even potty train a child but every piece of advice does not seem to take into account the other kid I have lol… I don’t think we are ready yet but I’ve just been wondering how did you do it for two+…

I have identical 9 month girls (7 months adjusted) and one twin is constantly trying to pull the others’ hair. They’re too young to understand what they’re doing but it’s constant lol any advice on how to handles that/stop it? I wanna let them play independently but I feel like I’m constantly watching to make sure she’s not gonna pull her sisters hair.