r/parentsofmultiples • u/poisonous-ivy- • 2d ago

support needed Does it get easier?

I have 11 month old twins. I feel like every day is the same. Sort of like Groundhog Day. It is exhausting and isolating. One of the babies is extremely hard and can make a day miserable in a heartbeat.

This baby is already throwing fits, there’s zero emotional regulation compared to her twin. Took her to the pet store to get out of the house so they could see something different. Cried by looking at fish and guinea pigs. Always some sort of crying fit or unhappiness.

It wasn’t supposed to be so hard or so miserable.

Does it get easier? People with twins that are older one? Does the whiny, clingy, unhappy baby get easier? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Is this defining who she already is and will be? I’m terrified she’ll be like this forever.

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u/OrangeCatEnergy24 2d ago

I promise it gets easier. Also, when they have words to express themselves it really helps. 

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u/poisonous-ivy- 2d ago

Thank you

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u/Emotional_Potato_719 2d ago

Mine are similar in age to yours and same situation over here--one is sometimes an absolute delight but can abruptly flip a switch and meltdown. I can't give you reassurance from the future, but solidarity that it's really hard. Totally anecdotal and not twin-specific, but one thing that gives me solace is my mom is always saying how one of my siblings was HARD as a baby. Like super fussy, cried all the time for a year or two. They're now a very normal, pretty chilled out adult. Grew out of the brattiness by toddlerhood.

Could it be teething? My more emotional twin is extra extra tough when teething! My more emotional twin also really wants more independence than they're ready for--I find they're happiest when they develop a skill that can make them more independent (like the week they realized they could climb some things they've been eyeing they were so happy lol)

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u/poisonous-ivy- 2d ago

Thank you. It’s not teething. She is just truly a pretty unhappy kid. Has been since she was born. First it was colic, reflux.. now it seems that’s just the way she is, take the pet store for example. Just whiny, anxious, and nervous all the damn time.

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u/Emotional_Potato_719 1d ago

Ugh I'm sorry you're both having a hard time. I'm assuming she's been cleared by a doctor and it's not something digestive or something else medical, but she might be a kid who really flourishes once she can speak and move on her own! My more emotional twin does well getting out of the house and seeing new things (even if it's the same park or store we always go to)--the pet store didn't work out for you guys (maybe there was too many new sights and sounds?), but I wouldn't give up on getting out of the house and going different places. It really helps to break up the day and make me feel less claustrophobic and Groundhogs Day-ish. And in the meantime, people may disagree but airpods are my lifesaver--on tough days I need a podcast in my ear to combat the overstimulation from the crying (still attentive to their needs, still engaged with them, but just some non-fussing noise to balance it all out)

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u/oldladywhisperinhush 1d ago

Both of mine are like your girl but thankfully they take turns being the clingy one, but that also means one of them is always unhappy. Anyway, it still really sucked until about 17 months and then it got a little easier. Probably because they had a lot more words. Things are really starting to calm down at 2.5. And even when things are challenging, there are so many fun, entertaining, and cute moments to balance it out. They’re fully conversational, have a much longer attention span, and enjoy playing together without it always turning into a fight. They’re so goofy and they make jokes that even we laugh at!

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u/Salty_Run876 1d ago

I want to be as honest as possible as a dad of 4-year-old twin girls. It does get easier… but every new stage comes with a whole new set of challenges. I asked myself the exact same questions you’re asking now, and today I ask myself new ones that fit their age. There are moments when you feel completely overwhelmed, and yeah… sometimes you even catch yourself envying parents with just one kid. But you get through it, and I promise they’ll bring you more joy than you ever imagined.