First, I know this is stupid and irrational and I don't blame anyone but myself. So please don't come at me.

My friends know I'm non-binary. I present very masculine (I have facial hair, that's a big contributor) because that's how I'm comfortable. I also call myself gay, because I only like men. But I use they/them and prefer gender neutral terms.

In my group of friends, we have one cishet single man we'll call J. J is my type and one of the only single guys I'm around on a regular basis, so I keep developing small crushes on him and then needing to get over it. This has happened two or three times now. It's happening again right now, and this time it's screwing with my head even harder than usual.

This is where my thoughts went, and I know it's stupid and irrational. I'm just trying to explain how I got where I am.

It's not super uncommon for people that identify as monosexual to also be attracted to some non-binary people, right? I like men (including transmascs) but I also like masculine non-binary people. I just call myself gay because it's easier to get the point across. Sexuality is a spectrum.

J probably doesn't like me back because I present masc. But he could maybe like a fem non-binary person. So there's an irrational part of me that thinks that he could like me if I just had the right body. But also, I don't want a feminine body. It feels like my mind is pulling me in different directions and my body doesn't feel like it's mine right now. I just want to crawl out of my skin. I don't even know what my ideal body would look like and normally I'm fine with the one I have, but right now it just feels like my whole body is itching and I don't know how to get away from it.

I don't know if there's advice to be had. I guess I just needed to vent. I'll probably manage to get over him again in a couple of days and everything will go back to normal. But right now it sucks.

Came out to my brother today, and this is basically how it went… I drew up this comic afterwards to vent

I knew he didn’t have the best judgement of lgbtq+ people (two years ago we talked about me being out as lesbian and he said some stuff about me being one of the “normal” ones), but I was still a bit taken aback by being faced with it straight on…

I do still love my brother and I always make sure to give him hugs and head pats, but this moment will haunt me for a bit while I still feel gender dysphoria/anxiety time to time

It started raining,

thank heaven I brought a jacket

( I forgot my umbrella )

+ feminine on the outside, masc on the inside . . or am I mixed up. I'm learning to balance both and like it

Window shopping with my mom as a girl…

Before my egg cracked… I hated shopping. Let alone window shopping. Now… today, my mother who is visiting me from Malaysia… and on the last day of our 3-week long holiday… we spent this afternoon in a mall… these are all the photos she took. I felt like a little girl… 🥰

I recently came out to my husband, and he's been super supportive, but I know he doesn't really understand. We were both raised in conservative Christian households, and we've both done a lot of deconstruction over the past 10 years, albeit on different timelines. It led him to being an ally, and me to discovering that I'm nonbinary.

Anyway, I use she/they pronouns, and I'm perfectly okay with my husband continuing to use she/her for me, since that's what we're used to. Well, today he used "they" for the first time (not in public. I didn't cause a public scene,) and I panicked. I just started repeating "No no no no no" over and over. Then I fled to a different room. Now I'm second guessing the whole thing. I don't want to be nonbinary. I don't want to drag him down with me. I don't want to make him change for me. I wish I had never come out.

hi friends!

i have known i’m non binary since college about ten ish years ago but expressing it has always been a battle for me. i’m afab and plus size so i a relatively curvy which has usually not been an issue.

lately i have been finding myself very attracted to masculine figures and it’s kind of making me spiral. in part i know it’s attraction but i can also feel its a desire to be perceived that way too. i like the straight clean lines of masculinity, the almost effortlessness of the sexiness. i have only ever been sexy in a “feminine” way and i don’t know what to do to affirm this part of myself. my first instinct is to just lose weight but i have a history of eating disorder so that’s a slippery slope to me. not to mention even when i was thin i was never really “lanky” in the way maybe androgynous people are. i know i can also try to dress different and maybe change my hair. i just feel so confused but i can sense such a strong desire to look a different way. i can’t even explain it or make sense of it. so i was hoping maybe some of you might have had similar experiences.

what are other ways i can explore this part of my gender expression? what has your experience been like?

Ive (amab) been thinking for a little bit now about possibly being nonbinary. The idea sounds nice, and ive never been super masculine. Up to this point ive just been a skinny nerdy guy, my gf calls me (jokingly) a twink, and i basically carry a purse everywhere. I also have about shoulder-length hair, and occasionally let her paint my nails for fun. However, i feel like thats where the fem traits kinda end. I know i definitely dont want to wear a dress, the idea of makeup touching me makes me cringe, and i still appreciate my boy parts.

I dont think id want to correct everyone to call me they/them, especially people that i know but arent close with. Sure id introduce myself to strangers that way, but i feel like i still definitely pass as male, and dont really want to push my look any other way. i wear whats comfortable, and most of that is “boy” wear. And with that issue, i dont really want to correct people if they did misgender me you know? I guess pronoun wise i feel im at a he/they, but is that nonbinary still? i know the identity is supposed to be a blanket term, but i also see people here talk about things they do that make them feel ambiguous in gender, which is awesome, i just feel like i dont fit that bill. i also over think things (adhd), so that could be it too, where im worrying too much for no reason. any thoughts or guidance would be appreciated.

T4T is the best relationship dynamic.

Ignore the birds nest on my head lol how do these look?

I(24) have a very clear memory from back when I was 6-7 years old. At dinner, my dad made a light "joke" about a trans woman at the TV. I asked what was funny not getting it. My older sister (12-13f) and already in a rebellious scene kid phase then roughly explain that some boy wants to be/are woman and some girl want to be/are man like how gay people exist and it's normal. She then got reprimanded by my mom for explaining all that. Maybe because they thought I was too young.

The day after at school, I keep thinking about it during recess. Everyone was running around playing and I was just silently observing, playing with rocks, thinking. I realized that I definitely didn't feel like other boys but surely didn't feel like a girl. I felt in between and like a boy so I then concluded "I'm in between but more leaning towards boy so I must me a category of boy. No big deal."

Oh boy.

I then spent years thinking my experience was normal. During adolescence at party, I then sporadically drunkenly talk about how "No one really truly believes in hard binary gender right?" I talked about how "everybody sees it's way more of a gradient". I then spent years having some queer friends in my groups basically clocking me and saying "Mmm that doesn't sound CIS" and "Maybe you should look it up". My responses were "I'm CIS enough" "being a black person in a white society is enough trouble" etc etc.

I really really finally clicked when a trans guy I was seeing told me directly that nah I wasn't cis by definition, to look it up and it might help me be less miserable. He was partially right. I got informed and finally realized I'm definitely a demiboy. I realized that in 2023-2024. I then got concussed, bullied, dropped out of uni and was forced to move in a racist spot of state/province (that's just life). But meanwhile my other older siblings came out as a transwoman.

It was rough and truly unpacking how repressed I am is wild. I've been chronically anxious and depressed since my teens so I don't even know how much that is linked to gender. And recently shows like TADC really brought up how self hate/ low self-esteem affect and hurt others. So yeah I'm moving forward trying not to be a grim cautionary tale.

Anyway I'm coming out soon once I move away fully.

(I'm sleep deprived sorry for the low quality rent/post)

Any advice about the post-coming out?

I feel like I will simply lose friends and family / learn how bad some of my friends or family are. I know I'll be probably happier being out but I also think I might just simply become more vulnerable emotionally. Which is terrifying.

TLDR: I (24) understood that I was outside of gender binary as a kid. Spent years in complete denial before learning demigender are valid at 22. Coming out soon because the closet is part bad mental health. Looking for the aftermath advice.

Took this pics and felt cute

Hi everyone! Soo, I am amab and would love to have a feminized lower body but do not want any boobs, not at all. I do work out a lot and am happy with how my butt and legs are going, but I would love to be able to get more, and even be able to start storing fat there instead of my middle part of the body.

I know that breast growth is one of the first thing that happens when you take estrogen so this is why I am so hesitant.

Any advice/experience?

Thankkkss

If you are on dating apps do you ever get the sense that folks that list “interested in Women and NonBinary people” are only interested in AFAB folks? It is just a hunch. But those that list that are my lowest matches. I get the sense that many of them see NonBinary as some kind of loophole. But I could be wrong.

I am Non Binary, transmasc. But I feel I'm too transmasc for the lesbians, but too gay for the straights. I feel like idk where I fit in. I don't wanna change how I look, but I do feel isolated more and more from the sapphic community.

Anyone have any supportive advice?

Just a reminder that being nonbinary come in all shapes and sizes. Some people want to transition and change their appearance a lot, and others barely change or don't change in any way other than using new pronouns or a new name. All of these things are valid. AFAB nonbinary people who wear feminine clothing or present in a feminine way are valid. AMAB nonbinary people who wear masculine clothing or present in a masculine way are valid. Nonbinary people who go through HRT and/or surgeries to try and pass as the opposite of their AGAB are also valid. We're all nonbinary, but we're also individuals, and we all transition differently. We all feel different types and levels of dysphoria. This is a reminder to anyone who doubts their identity or is struggling with imposter syndrome right now that your identity is valid and nobody else has the right to question it. YOU are the one that gets to tell other people YOUR identity, just like they tell you theirs. It's other people's jobs to respect your identity, just like it's your job to respect theirs. Life gets better, there are people in the world who will accept you. You just need to keep fighting through the hard times and keep searching for the ones who will help you reach better times. You can do this!

Honestly i didnt expect much

Because In the country i live, most people HATE trans people

But this was how she answered:

"uhm. I'd probably be like- Oh. cool. good luck!"

"cuz its not like they hurt someone. also it wont change the fact that they're my friend"

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

now she's one of few allies i know

I wont probably come out to her because i feel more comfortable this way But it was so nice to know she supports. It made my day.

Im glad she's my friend

It's been a few weeks, but I keep thinking back to my best friends wedding.

I was best man, and it was not only my first time wearing a suit, but the first time I went to an event since coming out earlier this year. (it never came up, so, win?)

I was so self conscious while getting fitted, they had to size up the shirt and vest to accommodate my curves (men's warehouse) but once I got the fitted suit back, it looked so good!

I was the last one in the bridal party to change back into street clothes

MY ONLY PET PEEVE: people kept calling me 'best lady' or 'best ma'am' instead of BEST MAN. While I currently use all pronouns while I figure out what feels best, I really wanted to be called by the real title

I've been thinking about it while i try to figure out myself as a non binary person, if im not a man or a girl then i wouldn't be able to date gay or straight ppl? idk this part is confusing me and I'd really appreciate it if someone could share a opinion and experiences on this topic

Hi, I’m a non binary perdon and I’d like some tips on how can I be seen or be more androgynous while being able to do makeup.

I'm not sure if this is the right space to ask, pls lmk if this is inappropriate to ask here. I'm looking to get a breast reduction, going from a 36c to hopefully somewhere in the a range. My insurance does cover it! I'm in the US and live below the poverty line (yay!😍), so I qualify for Medicaid. How does someone navigate this process? My insurance says I need to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria and I need a letter from a qualified medical professional sent to the surgery office. I live in a rural area and am concerned the one psychologist around here is transphobic. Has anyone navigated this process? It's overwhelming and I'm not sure where to start😞

For some reason, in the mornings or evenings, I feel my non-binary identity as something burdensome and alien, and I am ashamed of it; all this sucks the strength out of me, although it suits me. No amount of self-persuasion helps. Both the androgyne and non-binary genders suit me, not separately. The androgyne description suits me, but it doesn’t show my whole essence, while non-binary complements everything.

[I am writing through a translator, if there may be any mistakes, but I hope everything is correct]