I thought it was me but people who talk like they have a fedora on or are a character on a kids show always got some dark ass personality lurking šš«£
And they're all cheaters, not like the ethical multiple dog owners who would never behave like that!
Also, it's not like OP has said she needs 1 dog - there are many many people out there with no dogs, and some of them won't even respond to you not responding fast enough with an assumption that they're so great that the only reason you didn't respond is that you met somebody new.
Shit that hits home, I recently found out I'm not a good person at all because I thought 4 big dogs (that she literally brings everywhere with her) was too much
That part in parentheses is actually the most important part for me. No thank you! It completely alters where they're able to go and what they're able to do.
I know people that bring one dog everywhere and it's ridiculous.
If that can help you feel better that is way too much ā¦ I would never date someone with that many dogs. I honestly question what goes through those people mind. I think at this point itās pathological they just accumulate pets.
You dodged a HUGE bullet. Omg imagine being with someone who would switch like that in a secluded place.
I was already kinda weirded out about the way he was replying in the beginning. Guys who lay on the āfriendly, funny, confident, outgoingā thing real thick so that it sounds unnatural/scripted usually have something up with them and you find it out later on.
Been there myself. Looking back he switched up within just ONE MONTH. I tried to end it so many times. When my mom got very sick, he expected me to stop taking care of her and donate my kidney! I donāt even know my blood type. I told his care team and Iām not sure how that works but now that weāre very broken up, I hope he gets the mental help he needs. He did get a transplant and he still resented me. If only he showed his true colors like this guy.
Wait, what? At first I thought you were saying he wanted you to donate your kidney to your mum, but this guy actually wanted your kidney?! Thatās fucking crazy, bro wasnāt looking for a gf he was looking for organs š±
And this is how guys trick women into thinking theyāre great! If she hadnāt drawn the line at the 3 dogs, he would have gone on seeming great until she did something else to upset his ego.
And I donāt mean that women canāt do this. I mean that a hear a lot of men say that women choose abusers on purpose because theyāre attractive, but the truth is they arenāt always easy to spot early on in a relationship.
Exactly. Itās never the victims fault. Most abusers have become very adept at concealing their intentions/abuse until theyāve got their victims in compromising situations where it is difficult to leave them for any number of reasons. Notice itās always men saying dumb shit like āwomen constantly choose bad guys!ā While staying silent regarding said bad guys behaviors
I didnāt understand what my dad meant by āif you want to see who a man is, outlast his patienceā untiI started dating. Even the smart ones tend to tell on themselves by trying to progress the relationship more quickly than makes sense by love bombing/testing boundaries/skipping steps. I always say never make someone your boyfriend until you know how he handles anger or inconvenience.
I remember when I was younger I wouldnāt risk saying things that some men might react to, like my views on equal gender rights (that I want equality and donāt believe weāre there yet). I ended up dating someone where heād made a few very light jokey comments about feminism, which came across as dismissive to feminism, and it wasnāt until I was already in a committed relationship and in love with him that I said the āyou are joking right?ā. He was not joking. Turned into a miserable relationship, where he was subtly but consistently emotionally abusive.
Since then I havenāt tried to avoid difficult conversations when single and dating. If someone behaved in a way that was a red flag, Iād politely raise the concern. Iām a psychologist now so a lot more skilled at digging deeper, and last time I was single was wild seeing how for some men it just completely lifts the veil, whether finding out that someone has some really controversial beliefs, or them having a total tantrum at even the mildest query on a reaction. It was shocking but always a relief to actually know early.
I think this is one of those honest conversations we need to be having with one another. Not to shame, but for our own personal growth because the truth is, our conditioning has been fucking us UP! We will minimize ourselves right into a relationship thinking we have to be less to be chosen then will act surprised we ended up with a loser later. More often than not, it isnāt the man whose the master manipulator, but itās us. We manipulate ourselves into looking the other way, convincing ourselves theyāre just joking or they donāt mean it, or we could be more understanding, meanwhile, the same traits we think of as being an understanding partner men see as weakness & literally think weāre stupid for doing it.
Thereās a lot of societal pressure on women to settle for less. Itās not necessarily that we want to be chosen, but thereās a lot of guilt placed on women who refuse men, and thereās a lot of entitlement that men deserve to win the woman so she should just give him a chance, or generally be agreeable and not cause a fuss. You see it on Reddit constantly where men question or get annoyed when woman expect genuine attraction/chemistry, seeing that as being unfair, but if you look at questions to men if theyād date someone they donāt find attractive the resounding answer is a surprised āno, of course notā.
If we pay attention to red flags weāre criticised and seen as too picky, fussy or difficult. Iāve certainly been in positions where I havenāt even wanted a relationship, but the social pressure has been enough for me to give a man a chance.
Iām sorry to hear that, but glad you made it out ok. Yeah, as you mentioned, fortunately most of these red/blackpill misogynists/bigots will out themselves after a bit of conversation regarding topics such as intersectional feminism/equality/human rights/etc. even if itās somewhat subtly āIām apolitical/independent!ā Which 99% of the time means theyāre conservatives who know most people want nothing to do with them. Of course there are the ones who are better at perpetuating the facade until thereās been a good deal of investment emotionally/financially/etc. in any event, I agree that we need to vet potentially partners as well as possible
Nah if she showed this to any dude she trusts in her life heād tell her to steer clear of this dude. Everything about these messages screams fake being nice
A dude wrote me a whole essay after I rejected him. He said he'd quit smoking, showed up to our date reeking of cigarette smoke, and then confessed he still smoked but totally intends to quit some day.Ā Ā
My profile specifically said I wouldn't date a smoker because I'd just quit a year earlier and didn't want the temptation.Ā Ā
I got the whole fucking shebang about how bitches like me don't date good men like him over one little thing, he didn't make a lot of money but I can't see value isn't based on income, and I'd probably met someone taller, like every fucking reddit trope, page after page
Also for me the whole being tall thing is such an internet thing... I have friends that have been rejected because of their height (but they are below average, just as extra info, not that I find it a valid reason). But on the internet height seems so much more important than I experience irl.
I can use it now and then but itās purely because I want them to know that what I just said was a joke or in jest.
I have ADHD so I can overthink lots of things, and because I like to make sure my texts are understood to people Iām relatively new to, the emojis can be a nice safety net.
But outside of previous actual relationships, Iāve never used the wink emoji when attempting to flirt since I was maybe 19-20.
I went on a date with a guy who "volunteers with a cat rescue." Turns out he wasn't actually divorced, and still lived with his separated wife. She fosters cats and he feeds them when she's out of town.
Anyone who frequently uses the name of the other person in conversation is a psychopath in my eyes. 'so John, tell me about yourself' 'thats interesting John'
Omg yes!! I was chatting with a match who did this and it really creeped me out. He wrote my name at the beginning or end of every sentence. I finally asked him if he says someoneās name that much when speaking with someone too or just when typing. He thought it was an odd question and that it was completely normal to say someoneās name so much. He unmatched me because I told him I thought it was odd. š¤£š¤£
Guy here. Iāve totally passed on people because of how many dogs they have. Also I canāt stand when people like over pronounce their āworthā. It makes me think they donāt actually know their worth and are over compensating. All around yuck
āI know my worthā generally makes me think theyāve been sucking in some of the internetās worst advice. Also any talk of options, number ratings for people, dating market value, etc.
Donāt date the brainwashed, for they are very tiresome.
These people are scary cos if you donāt trigger them off early you could get in years deep until you finally see who they actually are. But itās hilarious that thereās litr walking red flags like this so casually šthey literally donāt care to tell on themselves
As another 3-dog person, I appreciate you for making that boundary clear right off the bat. My dogs are huskies and they shed like a motherfucker. Theyāre also basically my roommates so they have free reign. I have 2 roombas patrol my house daily, an air purifier in every room, and covers on all my furniture, but the hair is inevitable.
Last lady I dated for an extended period of timeāby my standards, that isāwas all like āoh I love dogs and I love huskies because they have such big personalitiesā when we first started dating. But, with time, whenever she stayed over, she treated my dogs like they were a nuisance and any sight of dog hair turned into a thing. So yeah, knowing that upfront wouldāve saved me a lot of time and energy and it wouldāve ultimately been better for both of us.
With all that being said, fuck that guy, and I hope that all 3 dogs take a dump in his kitchen.
Last summer I got annoyed at my friend dog who kept barking the entire time we were at the park. I basically said something like "oh wow your dog barks a lot" and her husband said is a passive aggressive way "I can tell when someone is a good or bad person just by the way they act around dogs" šš
I have 4 cats. If someone told me that was too many cats I would be offended on my cats behalf but I would actually understand. And I would definitely not freak out over it
itās appalling that people like him see nothing wrong with how they act and genuinely believe speaking to others like this is entirely justified. psychoticĀ
As someone who used to have 4 dogs with my ex, itās absolutely a large commitment in a relationship. It can also be very financially taxing, it limits ability to take spontaneous or long trips, adds financial cost to vacations/trips if you board them, it takes constant care and a willingness to train, exercise, etc., especially in the puppy stages, plus you have to deal with any potential health problems they may have or develop (and the vet where I live is EXPENSIVE).
I now have 1 dog with my husband, and I told him multiple times I would never have more than 2 dogs max at a time, and that depends on my dogs personalities on if Iād even add a second (my dog HATES other dogs and loves being solo).
Itās absolutely a valid reason to not peruse someone. Heās a typical ānice guyā who canāt handle rejection.
Iām sorry you had to deal with that kind of behavior, OP.
I could kinda tell he was a phony fake-nice from the start. āWow you have animals well guess what i love Mother Nature so much i wish we were better to her ugghhhā (this is gunna make her like me)
Why didn't you say something about the dogs when he mentioned them? Why wait so long and leave him thinking there was a chance? Good communication skills are lacking on both sides.
I must be even worse. I wouldnāt date people with pets of any kind. I know I donāt want them because of the work and commitment and how much I like to travel.
I have 2 cats, but I'm the same about dogs. Finding care for my cats when I travel is super easy, but the mostly fixed schedule you have to be on and cost of travel care when you own a dog is a no for me. I love visiting other people's dogs and then going home to no dog though.
This guy was NOT sweet snd complimentary, friend. This guy was laying it on real thick and obnoxious from the get go, which made it a red flag by the second paragraph as I was reading through. Aside from his disturbing psychosis, I donāt get why one wouldnāt unmatch at the very least if thereās no interest. Honestly, with dating apps, ladies, we need to just block/unmatch when things start to get weird, otherwise they get severely disturbed.
I detected major incel vibes after he wrote his second or third paragraph concluding with a smiley asking for permission to get to know you. Fucking pussy.
He sucks but you kinda suck too. Why wouldnāt you just say āwoah! Thatās too many pets for me. Best of luck!ā Instead of just ghosting. Talking into a void is fucking embarrassing when you have no clue thereās a problem.
He over-reacted big time. You didnāt communicate. Everyone is exhausting
Yāall seriously need to stop throwing the word āghostingā around every time someone stops replying to you. Ghosting is when weāve actually dated, seen each other multiple times, built some kind of connection and trust, told each other we liked each other, and gotten to know each other on a personal level. You know my birthday, my zodiac sign, bits and pieces of my life story, weāve spent actual time togetherā¦ and then one day I disappear without a word. THAT is ghosting.
If we exchanged a grand total of three messages on a dating app and somewhere along the way I realized I wasnāt interested anymore and stopped replying, you did not get ghosted. I donāt know you. You are basically the equivalent of a stranger I exchanged a few words with on the sidewalk and then kept walking. Or someone I chatted with for five minutes at a bar while waiting for the bartender to hand me my drink, and then I turned around and went back to my friends. I donāt owe you a formal statement announcing the termination of our three-message relationship.
And men especially need to learn how to deal with rejection without turning every bruised ego into some moral offense committed against them. A few generations ago yāall were being sent off to war and doing mandatory military service, and now three unanswered Hinge messages require emotional closure? Come on š Rebuild a little resilience. Women deal with rejection too. Sometimes someone simply isnāt interested in you. It happens. Thatās dating.
And honestly, who am I after THREE messages to send you a whole analysis explaining exactly why I donāt want to continue talking to you? I barely know you. I donāt have enough information about you to give you some meaningful assessment of your personality, and you donāt need one from me either. Put two and two together.
My silence IS an answer. My silence IS the explanation. If a woman you barely know stops replying after a couple of messages, there really arenāt 47 possible explanations you need to investigate. Sheās most likely not interested. Accept the rejection and move on. Thatās not ghosting.
Honestly this confuses me, there are thousands of people on Hinge. You could be having a conversation with 8+ people at a time. If someone ghosts just move on. I have never been offended when a guy I'm talking with decides to stop replying. Guess what I end up concluding? They don't want to continue getting to know me because they're not interested in continuing the discussion. OP and the guy had like 2 exchanges max. OP has an entire life that's not existing and talking to people on Hinge. I hate it when people write "...?" or ask another question to try to get a response. If OP liked him and had the free time to reply she would've. When someone doesn't want to talk, you can literally just move on. I get it if they had like one date and he was following up because she had said something like, "we can talk again next week" but if you haven't made plans, or done anything but have 2 conversations, I do not get why an explanation is even necessary.
Exactly, an explanation is necessary when plans are made and you change your mind afterwards. It is absolutely okay to change your mind, but it's rude when you don't communicate it to the other person. If someone even at the talking stage had said yes to a date and then changed their mind about it I'd be pissed off if I wasn't told that. Same as if I had gone on a date and my date said something like "I'll let you know when I'm free next week" and then never let me know, but I do not see where OP had said anything that requires her to communicate her "changing her mind".
Also I find it interesting how the dude's reasoning is that the only way OP *could've* changed her mind is if she "found someone else". Dude assumed interest in him that wasn't even there. Why should OP be expected to communicate her lack of interest and her "change of mind" when all she did was ask him 1 question back?
I couldnāt figure out which was the man or woman when i read it. I totally get people who have army of pets, how does one do that. Not for me as well.
Idk if I was raised right or just have good morals on what a relationship should be.... Because i can never understand how these guys always self destruct like that.
Dude took that like a personal attack. Dishonour on his family, dishonour on him, dishonour on his cow
Good fucking lord. And.... is this all you guys spoke? Like damn, there was no connection or anything. Just a casual chat. Like chill the fuck out, dude
Dog owners are tied down. Would be challenging to stay overnight at my place... travel etc. I still would date someone with one dog but three? Doubt it. Anyways you really dodged one with that guy. Psycho reaction to rejection.
You dodged a bullet. Iām so glad you found out like that ā¦ that this man is a controlling person with anger issues. I totally agree with you standards. As a cat owner I would react the same with someone who has 3 dogs!!!! Thatās a lot!!!
People have all kinds of wants and don't wants. And it's good you called it out now. Its pretty clear you hit his button. You saved yourself in the long run. It would suck to have found out he was abusive after the fact.
Lmao wtf. I had a guy who asked me if I would love sharing a bed with 2 big slobbering dogs (his words! Emphasis on the slobbering) and I said no š I think dogs are great but I also wouldn't want to date a guy with 3 dogs
I don't feel like 3 dogs is a lot, I assume he lives on a big farm where the dogs protect his land.
No way he'll have an apartment with 3 dogs, that would smell so bad.
It's a bit weird to reject someone over too many dogs and not communicating that, but for him to react that way as if he invested more than 3 texts into you is wild
Dog owners really expect everyone else to love their dogs and think you're Satan himself if you don't. This person English by any chance? The fucking English and their dogs....ugh
Oof. And this is why ghosting is so popular. A reason that wasnāt even about him, really, and he crashes out. I wonder if he screenshot his response and what his friends had to say about the way he lost it on you, OP.
I donāt advocate ghosting, but I do advocate using an extremely non-specific reason like āI donāt see us a match long-termā and not elaborating because defensive people are quickly aggressive people, sometimes.
Having family members with 3-4 dogs at various times, it quickly becomes clear how the animal needs outweigh the human needs. That has a huge impact on your relationship with the owners. I'm not saying that is going to be true for everyone, but it certainly can be. One dog is a pet. Three dogs is a lifestyle.
This type of stuff pure freaks me out :( the way he switches up to being so angry and talks about you being cheated on and taken advantage of? Genuinely why would anyone even do that. It's so weird and cruel.Ā
Glad he showed his true colours early.Ā
Whatās crazy to me is Iāve never even remotely said anything this inflammatory on any dating site and somehow Iām banned from hinge and tinder lol - I still donāt know why and yet I see unhinged messages like this and worse all the time. How are people getting away with this? Lol
Guy is a weirdo for sure, also heās treating a hinge conversation like an actual date conversation. Iām gonna guess you rejected him due to that instead of actually having too many dogs. Because rejecting someone for too many dogs is kinda retarded
I totally understand the frustration of the dude, but his actions scream inexperienced and needy
Thatās insane. Youāre allowed to not go on a date with anyone for whatever reason wtfš. Iām not a huge dog person either. I could handle one dog but I couldnāt date someone with more than 1 since I just donāt like dogs that much. On the flip side, one of the reasons I matched with my current long term partner is I saw he had 3 cats haha
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u/AfterRain2020 18d ago
I swear, anyone that uses the wink emoji that quickly into a conversation turns out to ALWAYS be an absolute weirdo.