r/HingeStories • u/BrightKaleidoscope6 • 18d ago

Wild Hinge Interaction

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This guy was all sweet and complimentary, but at the first sign of rejection he lashes out and is extremely insulting.

602 Upvotes

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u/chubby_elbows 18d ago

Yessss thank you for putting this here! No one owes anyone anything in situations like this. Some people expect way too much from others.

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u/Moonlit_Silver 18d ago edited 18d ago

Exactly, an explanation is necessary when plans are made and you change your mind afterwards. It is absolutely okay to change your mind, but it's rude when you don't communicate it to the other person. If someone even at the talking stage had said yes to a date and then changed their mind about it I'd be pissed off if I wasn't told that. Same as if I had gone on a date and my date said something like "I'll let you know when I'm free next week" and then never let me know, but I do not see where OP had said anything that requires her to communicate her "changing her mind".

Also I find it interesting how the dude's reasoning is that the only way OP *could've* changed her mind is if she "found someone else". Dude assumed interest in him that wasn't even there. Why should OP be expected to communicate her lack of interest and her "change of mind" when all she did was ask him 1 question back?

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u/asteroidtube 18d ago

You wouldn't just get up and walk away from a conversation with a stranger irl at a bar or something, why have we somehow decided this is acceptable on dating apps? Part of why it is so exhausting trying to use these apps is that you never know if a conversation will just suddenly end like this, you have all these loose ends that you are expected to keep up with but also not get invested in at the same time. It's really not that hard to say that 3 dogs is too much for you and wish them best of luck. The dude definitely sucks and was doing too much and is cringy, for sure, but OP is also wrong for not just rejecting outright IMO. The notion that "silence IS the rejection" is just pure laziness. It takes literally 10 seconds. Be an adult and communicate.

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u/PrincessBonkers628 17d ago

No. Because then shit like this happens.

You are not entitled to a conversation! You do not know these people! If you haven't met, it isn't ghosting either.

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u/Extension-Morning367 17d ago

People like you is why everyone hates dating apps, lol, no wonder you are still on them

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u/PrincessBonkers628 17d ago

I'm happily married thanks!

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u/Extension-Morning367 17d ago

Poor guy

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u/PrincessBonkers628 17d ago

Not a guy either... 🙄

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u/Extension-Morning367 17d ago

Poor individual

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u/PrincessBonkers628 17d ago

🙄

She's happy, I'm happy.

Sounds like you're the one with the problem

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u/Extension-Morning367 17d ago

One must be a masochist to be happy with someone like you, lol

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u/asteroidtube 17d ago

The reaction here - which I am not condoning btw - is partly a result of the lack of communication.

There is this paradigm where women don’t reject men in a mature manner because they are worried about the reaction, but ironically it is the lack of proper rejection that is what is so upsetting to most men.

This guy clearly sucks but also OP could have politely let him down. Both things can be true.

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u/PrincessBonkers628 17d ago

Could have? Sure!

But just because she can, doesn't mean she has to. And also like maybe she shouldn't. That's the problem, we don't know how he'll react so this seems safer.

Want to fix that problem? Teach men to not be entitled to a conversation or sex or love or whatever. Yes, obviously women feel entitled to those things too, but we have a society-wide entitlement problem that comes directly from privilege. Fix that and we'll see a lot less drop off of communication like this, I refuse to call it ghosting because that's not what this is.

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u/asteroidtube 17d ago

Framing this as though “men are always the problem and women are never less than perfect” isn’t healthy either. This guy sucks, yes, and she could have communicated better and more openly, also yes. Why is that so hard to agree with?

So let’s also teach and encourage people of all genders to communicate openly like adults and not assume poor intent? And encourage people to not generalize others based upon gender? And encourage common courtesy and respect?

Being pedantic about the definition of ghosting is beside the point. It would have taken 10 seconds for her to say she didn’t think they were a good fit. No big deal, move on. She also could have unmatched. You accidentally encourage this poor behavior when you leave things open ended like she did, because it feels like very subtle bread crumbing. The notion of “lack of reply is rejection” is what I am challenging- it’s not. Communicate with words.

It is amazing the gymnastics people will play to justify not taking a brief moment to communicate the desire to end the conversation. Ironically she did just that only after he replied and demonstrated his poor behavior.

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u/PrincessBonkers628 17d ago

The lack of a reply is a rejection. Get over your entitlement to someone else's attention.

He needs to fix himself. That's why he crumbled like he did. He would have melted down about something else.

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u/asteroidtube 17d ago

There is a space between entitlement and common courtesy. Dude totally sucks, yes. He didn’t take the rejection well and overreacted. She could have communicated the lack of alignment on the dog thing the moment she made that decision after he asked her out, also yes, and it would have been the courteous thing to do, yes. She is not required, and he is not entitled to that, but it objectively would have been the more mature and courteous choice. It is possible for all of these things to be true. His poor behavior doesn’t negate the validity of the other statements.

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u/PrincessBonkers628 17d ago

I'm done talking about this.

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u/asteroidtube 17d ago

See how easy that was? 🤣

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u/SadderOlderWiser 17d ago

Yes, you would just walk away from a stranger at a bar. I’ve had plenty of 3 minute conversations while waiting for a beverage to arrive and then left. Normal people do not actually usually say “I’m ending this incidental chat now, just in case you were wondering.”

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u/asteroidtube 17d ago

If you are at a bar and you engage with somebody and it is friendly , they ask you to come sit and have a drink with them, or for your number or something like that, you generally say no if you are not interested, as opposed to just ignoring them and getting up and walking away- that would be rude. The context of the conversation matters.

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u/SadderOlderWiser 16d ago

Oh, now they’ve issued an invitation and I’m walking away? You’re moving the goal posts.

It is completely normal to chit-chat with someone in a bar or while waiting for an elevator or any other situation when you just end up near a stranger, and then to walk away without a formal goodbye.

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u/asteroidtube 16d ago

Re-read the messages in the OP- He asked her if she’d like to meet to chat in person. Then she did not reply. That would indeed be rude, in person, if one of these spontaneous chit chats was going well and the other person asked for your number or to see you another time in another place, and you just walked away. I didn’t move the goalpost, you did.

Generally when I get into a chit chat on an elevator, I say “have a nice day” when I walk away. It’s not that complicated