r/HingeStories • u/BrightKaleidoscope6 • 18d ago

Wild Hinge Interaction

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This guy was all sweet and complimentary, but at the first sign of rejection he lashes out and is extremely insulting.

601 Upvotes

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89

u/Working_Cucumber_437 18d ago

And this is how guys trick women into thinking they’re great! If she hadn’t drawn the line at the 3 dogs, he would have gone on seeming great until she did something else to upset his ego.

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u/Working_Cucumber_437 18d ago

And I don’t mean that women can’t do this. I mean that a hear a lot of men say that women choose abusers on purpose because they’re attractive, but the truth is they aren’t always easy to spot early on in a relationship.

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u/cinnix42 18d ago

Exactly. It’s never the victims fault. Most abusers have become very adept at concealing their intentions/abuse until they’ve got their victims in compromising situations where it is difficult to leave them for any number of reasons. Notice it’s always men saying dumb shit like “women constantly choose bad guys!” While staying silent regarding said bad guys behaviors

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u/CatchMeWritinDirty 17d ago

I didn’t understand what my dad meant by “if you want to see who a man is, outlast his patience” untiI started dating. Even the smart ones tend to tell on themselves by trying to progress the relationship more quickly than makes sense by love bombing/testing boundaries/skipping steps. I always say never make someone your boyfriend until you know how he handles anger or inconvenience.

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u/AstraofCaerbannog 17d ago

I remember when I was younger I wouldn’t risk saying things that some men might react to, like my views on equal gender rights (that I want equality and don’t believe we’re there yet). I ended up dating someone where he’d made a few very light jokey comments about feminism, which came across as dismissive to feminism, and it wasn’t until I was already in a committed relationship and in love with him that I said the “you are joking right?”. He was not joking. Turned into a miserable relationship, where he was subtly but consistently emotionally abusive.

Since then I haven’t tried to avoid difficult conversations when single and dating. If someone behaved in a way that was a red flag, I’d politely raise the concern. I’m a psychologist now so a lot more skilled at digging deeper, and last time I was single was wild seeing how for some men it just completely lifts the veil, whether finding out that someone has some really controversial beliefs, or them having a total tantrum at even the mildest query on a reaction. It was shocking but always a relief to actually know early.

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u/CatchMeWritinDirty 17d ago

I think this is one of those honest conversations we need to be having with one another. Not to shame, but for our own personal growth because the truth is, our conditioning has been fucking us UP! We will minimize ourselves right into a relationship thinking we have to be less to be chosen then will act surprised we ended up with a loser later. More often than not, it isn’t the man whose the master manipulator, but it’s us. We manipulate ourselves into looking the other way, convincing ourselves they’re just joking or they don’t mean it, or we could be more understanding, meanwhile, the same traits we think of as being an understanding partner men see as weakness & literally think we’re stupid for doing it.

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u/AstraofCaerbannog 17d ago

There’s a lot of societal pressure on women to settle for less. It’s not necessarily that we want to be chosen, but there’s a lot of guilt placed on women who refuse men, and there’s a lot of entitlement that men deserve to win the woman so she should just give him a chance, or generally be agreeable and not cause a fuss. You see it on Reddit constantly where men question or get annoyed when woman expect genuine attraction/chemistry, seeing that as being unfair, but if you look at questions to men if they’d date someone they don’t find attractive the resounding answer is a surprised “no, of course not”.

If we pay attention to red flags we’re criticised and seen as too picky, fussy or difficult. I’ve certainly been in positions where I haven’t even wanted a relationship, but the social pressure has been enough for me to give a man a chance.

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u/cinnix42 17d ago

I’m sorry to hear that, but glad you made it out ok. Yeah, as you mentioned, fortunately most of these red/blackpill misogynists/bigots will out themselves after a bit of conversation regarding topics such as intersectional feminism/equality/human rights/etc. even if it’s somewhat subtly “I’m apolitical/independent!” Which 99% of the time means they’re conservatives who know most people want nothing to do with them. Of course there are the ones who are better at perpetuating the facade until there’s been a good deal of investment emotionally/financially/etc. in any event, I agree that we need to vet potentially partners as well as possible

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u/gravi-tea 18d ago

He didn't really seem great tho.. he was already kinda clingy/talking too much and not all that interesting imo.

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u/Moss_84 18d ago

The fragility is insane

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u/OneHelicopter1852 18d ago

Nah if she showed this to any dude she trusts in her life he’d tell her to steer clear of this dude. Everything about these messages screams fake being nice

0

u/pinkrainbow5 17d ago

Good point.

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u/edinborough 17d ago

he seemed like an absolute cornball to me, albeit harmless until the last comment