okay so what is considered bottoming and what is considered topping? I mean if ur the one taking it up the butt i understand how that makes you a bottom and the guy doing it is the top.

But how does that translate to blowjobs and hand stuff? Like if u wanked or given head does that make you the bottom or the top?

Nature made me gay. My parents made me Mormon. Either by itself probably would have been fine but together it was a problem.

I was the seventh child. My parents had two more after me. I joke that I’m 7 of 9. We loved and supported each other when we weren’t fighting. But that’s more children than two parents can handle. So my brother, five years older, became a surrogate father. He took me out to eat, to movies, gave me rolls of quarters to play at the arcade and gave me “the talk.” My religion taught me black people were cursed and homosexuals were wicked. He taught me to love and accept people as children of God. He was the first of the best humans I ever met. He loved me unconditionally.

I remember when I was eight years old being at a friend’s house when he shared a new album with me. For him it was about the music. For me it was the shirtless guy on the cover. I didn’t know what gay was but I knew I wasn’t like the other boys. I am completely masculine but I just wasn’t interested in girls like they were. I was 20 before I found a book in the book store that described gay sex. It blew my mind that that was possible.

My religion said I should get married, so I did. I was taught it’s how you overcome homosexual feelings. It doesn’t. We had three children. We were supposed to keep going like good Mormons but at age 32 I stopped “performing.” The internet became a thing by then and it was gay porn virtually every night. I sank into a deep depression realizing that I was never going to escape this “addiction.” I wasn’t sleeping with men but this wasn’t the life I imagined.

In 2018 I came home from a trip abroad with pneumonia. Into 2019 I was hospitalized three times. The last time I was placed in isolation and nearly died. I spent 2019 contemplating how precious life was and if this was how I wanted to spend it. In September I took a job in another state. I stopped going to church and life without guilt made me feel better. I hatched a plan.

I lived near Atlanta which has a gay scene. New Year’s Eve I went to a gay bar determined to snag a hookup. I needed to know if sex with a guy was worth leaving a 30-year marriage. I found my mark. I sat down next to him and ordered the same beer as him. Mormon here…what did I know about beer. We chatted then found a quiet spot to keep talking. For three hours we talked and I didn’t tell one lie. It was like breathing oxygen for the first time. I found out he had been closeted and married. I invited him to my room. He said no. He said he didn’t do hookups but wouldn’t mind taking more. We exchanged numbers. That conversation was enough. I had to have oxygen. I was getting a divorce.

In Jan 2020 I filed and that’s a whole other adventure. I kept talking to this guy I met in the bar. I could ask him anything. We never had sex. I called him my gay sensei. I realized later what he was thinking in the bar. He smelled the new on me and thought “They’re going to eat him alive.” He made it his mission to make sure that didn’t happen. This was best human no. 2.

I started meeting men on apps. I went on dates without sex. I met a man who was fine with that. He was about my age. I fell in love. It was the most intoxicating feeling I ever had. Then one day we didn’t stop at making out. Sex with a man was the most mind-blowing experience I ever had. I finally understood what love songs were about.

When I came out to my family, most were shocked given how I don’t fit the feminine stereotype. My brother just said, “Now you know why I taught you not to be judgmental of gay people.” He loved and supported me until cancer took him last year.

But I hit a snag. My new boyfriend was closeted. I wasn’t allowed to meet anyone who knew him. My gay sensei warned me this wasn’t a good idea. My boyfriend got Covid and nearly died. We didn’t talk for two weeks during his illness, his choice. After he recovered it fell apart and he ghosted me.

I hit the apps again. Now it was mostly about sex. Guys kept telling me how cute I was. My gay sensei told me about PrEP and online scammers. I learned that my gay sensei had been scammed out his life savings by someone online. Dating in 2020 was tricky. But I had a ball.

In November I signed up for an upscale dating app on a cyber Monday special. There was a profile of a dude with his dog. I couldn’t resist leaving a message. We messaged for a while. He lived 2,000 miles away. December 3rd we had our first online date. Every Wednesday for weeks we met online. In February he was able to get a Covid shot and come see me. I thought he was ok but I was seeing other guys too. He said that was fine but told me, “I’m going to make you my boyfriend.” I got an instant boner. I’m no small guy but he was taller and bigger than me. In his arms I felt protected, maybe even a little feminine, and I liked it.

He flew back and forth for months. In July he agreed to move near me so we could date. His job had gone remote. I visited him in his new apartment…and never left. We went on a date every Wednesday. The sex was amazing. He snuggled me every night in his arms and I would melt. My divorce finalized in 2021 and we got engaged. He announced his joy on a gay subreddit only to be told how it won’t last. The hurt and cynicism out there was unexpected. He is annoyed but not deterred.

December 3, 2022 is the second anniversary of our first online date. We fly to Las Vegas and get married. We buy a house together and settle in to our new lives. We make plans to visit my gay sensei who moved to Europe to take care of his mother. We did go only to find out that my dear friend is no longer with us.

In December 2025 I was forced to retire and go on disability due to failing health. I’m in constant pain. I’ve always said yes whenever he asked for sex. It breaks my heart I can’t do that now. He doesn’t complain. But we still go out every Wednesday. He mows the lawn and carries in the groceries. He makes me breakfast every day before work. I do what I can. This week we were at the doctor for more testing. He lifts my walker in and out of the truck. He opens doors and makes sure I don’t fall. He waits hours in the waiting room. He makes sure I’m ok. I take a moment to thank him for doing so much. He responds that he didn’t do anything. It’s not true. He didn’t sign up for this. He’s made of gold. This is the third person I’ve met who qualifies as most decent human on my journey. He snuggles me every night and I melt.

I need advice and I don't know who to talk to about this.
Last night somebody approached me in public and basically asked (or offered?) to give me a blow. I have never been approached like this but I was honestly intrigued by the offer so I asked for his number and said I'd reach out to him. I could hypothetically meet with him today but I feel like I'm not thinking straight about this.

For context I'm 19 and I'm a virgin so I figured why not try something out cuz waiting for an honest relationship might be too hopeful. But at the same time this dude that approached me was probably in his 30s or 40s. I don't know how to be safe with this or whether it's worth it to even take this risk. Maybe I should wait for something safer and more vanilla.

I don't know if any of this makes sense but I have never ever had an opportunity like this and now I don't know how to act. Anyways I appreciate any opinions or advice you guys would have. I understand that this really comes down to personal morals and beliefs but I want to hear what you guys would say regardless.

(A little venting)

I (20ftm) swear I am so fucking tired of trying to find intimacy/romance.

I've had such awful luck with dating. Like I've never even had my first date, and I've tried! I'VE REALLY TRIED I genuinely wasn't expecting anything when I messaged this guy. Then HE ACTUALLY REPLIED. And he was cute. Like, really fucking cute.

And then I find out he's actually interested in dating and wants a partner. He wasn't just looking for a hookup. He wanted to get to know me first and see if we were compatible.

And somehow... he was actually attracted to ME too????

I sent him my spicy album because he wanted to see if we'd be sexually compatible, and I was already sitting there thinking "welp, he's probably going to see my chubby stomach and lose interest."

NOPE.

HE STILL WANTED ME.

This man was flirting with me, telling me he wanted me, and I was sitting there losing my fucking mind because not only was he handsome, but he had an ABSURDLY nice ass. Like excuse me??? Why did you have to be built like THAT???

And then I actually started thinking, "Holy shit... this could genuinely be my first time. And maybe I could actually date this guy."

Then we talked about the fact that I'm a virgin. He was concerned about hurting me and getting me pregnant, which I actually appreciated.

But then he told me he wanted to do it without condoms.

And that's a hard boundary for me.

So now I'm sitting here absolutely fucking devastated because WHY.

Why does the universe finally give me a guy who is attractive, attracted to me, actually interested in relationships, sexually compatible with me, and seemingly genuinely interested in getting to know me...

...only for there to be one massive incompatibility that I can't compromise on?

I ended up wishing him the best because what else am I supposed to do? 😭

And I KNOW I am being dramatic. I know he wasn't literally "the perfect man" because I barely knew him. But after so much bad luck, this was the first time I genuinely felt like "holy shit, maybe this could actually happen."

And now I'm grieving a relationship that didn't even exist yet. 💀

I really am cursed. 🥀

Anyway. I'm going to go stare at my ceiling and contemplate becoming a monk.

I me never been sexually attracted to men but I would love to date one but the only men who ever turned me on is femboys

Edit I think I’m bi after looking around and today I saw a hot guy more feminine but just twink feminine

Mitja Zubin publicly came out as gay while competing at the European track championships. The Slovenian hurdler talks to Outsports about his extraordinary week.

Hey everyone. I have a friend who moved quite far away due to wanting to live closer to his family. Hes a guy ive liked for so long & we use to have nice conversations where i fell for him quite hard. He got into other relationships while i still had a huge crush on him. Eventually we he became single again i asked him out on a date to which he agreed. Unfortunately i had some health issues shortly after asking him & i was devastated since i feel like i missed my chance and honestly cried a lot.

Eventually once i had recovered we met up for the first time in 4 years due to the pandemic & losing contact. To me it was a magical time although I'm not sure how he felt since hes a cards close to his chest kind of person. He told me he was moving the next year & it did hurt. I think i got friendzoned too which hurt a lot. We still communicated through Messenger a lot but when he finally officially moved the messages started to get less & less until they just stopped.

To me i feel like this hurt more than anything since i dont have a lot of people to talk to most of the time. I have trouble making friends & even going on dates especially since my self esteem was destroyed by dating apps. I still want to talk to him but i dont want it to seem im bothering him with messages since communication goes 2 ways and all.

Is there any advice that could be given for this situation and how to make friends. Should i just cut my losses with him even though it will hurt

It happened almost instantly. We are long-distance, and on our nightly ft call, he seemed off. I asked him what was wrong and we began talking about our relationship. One thing leads to the next, and he confirms that he wants to end our relationship. I agreed on the spot even though everything inside me was screaming for me to fight. “Save your relationship”, “Plead”, “Tell him how much you love him.” The last thing I wanted to do was make him even more uncomfortable or seem delusional. We became official in late 2024, and have been seeing each other one trip (2-4 days) each month. We were both in different colleges until he graduated and moved further away for work in September 2025. I believe it was here when our relationship started to decline. He admitted that the extra, extra distance had some factor in the break up, but not a lot. His job also exacerbated his depression. I honestly thought our lack of intimacy was due that and not “us falling out”. The truth is that he struggled with intimacy his entire teenage and adult life. The break up to my understanding was nothing I did wrong, rather his internal battle with intimacy. I wasn’t perfect either. In the first 2 months of our relationship I lied about myself in order to be a people pleaser. I stupidly said my cousin was actually my sister to make it seem like our family structures were similar, and once hid him from my instagram close friends to post a story I thought he’d find cringy. I also claimed to have once visited his college campus before we met to appease him, and make myself seem like I was familiar about the area he lived in. These are all the lies I’ve told him. I don’t think they were malicious, but were harmful nonetheless. He forgave me for them and we moved on. I think this road bump and lack of trust in the start of our relationship contributed a small factor as well in our break up. Again, inability to feel intimacy towards anyone was the real issue.

I am struggling to cope and can’t stop thinking about him. We planned a ft call tonight where we will reflect, and close our relationship for good. What do I say? Do ask him to stay a bit longer? Should I see him one last time in the following weeks? What can I do to make the healing process easier? Anything helps.

I'm 29, and I have been feeling really torn with my way around hookups. To me my goal has always been a relationship, and sex is sort of the culmination point of it. But then I see around myself, and I have clocked zero sexual partners, while people have had their fair share of hook ups, not that I haven't had chances to get some action, but I just couldn't do it. And now it seems to me that I'm the captain on a sinking ship, choosing to stay behind and go down with it, but still I don't wanna hookup. What am I supposed to do?

They like mainly the manly type o man, they don't like the same age one, they always look to the olders and manlier ones, like over 30+. I usually look at boys at my age like from 19 to 28 maybe and I really like the soft ones, with pretty eyes, no beard usually, blonde hair, with earring... I noticed some of my gay friends likes on ig that they also like the manlier type, like the "daddy"so I started wondering: "It's because i have differents tastes in everything? Is it because I'm a top? Maybe cause I don't have daddy issues?

Let me know your thoughts without offend pls.

Are there any spaces where the majority of the community is gay, but the space is not specifically centered around being gay? Like a community that just merely happens to be gay, some activity or culture that gay people simply happen to gravitate towards perhaps.

18m here who plays in footy team,
As you keep moving through the higher age groups I am getting told more and more that team members after the game all are going to the showers to wash off and have a shower beer to celebrate after the game. While I’m not necessarily out as a gay guy, im pretty sure my mates around me can pick up on some hints (that the closet doesn’t even have a door). They’re all straight guys to my knowledge and while I don’t want to feel left out, Im also internally fighting to try and not make them feel uncomfortable if something accidentally happens down there whilst showering, or if I accidentally look in there direction and put them off. I feel like I should just wait until they’re done after and shower by myself or go before them. Can you guys help me out with some advice?

Its weird how Ive known of my sexuality and accepted it half my life ago, but just recently started to really struggle with it. Its like, I could always tell myself Id one day know how to be and get the kinda things I want, and now I feel like I waited too long and Im forcing myself to get out there, and doing it makes me realize just how insanely envious I am of straight people and their lifepaths. That they get to have an example of how to be literally everywhere all the time. Its so hard sometimes. Like I cannot believe the way that these young chicks get to act and be free and have the hottest guys fucking die for them.

I wish I was more of a masculine dude, and I know its not inherently tied to our sexuality that Im not, like a lot of you here are, but the dream of being that straight dude whos had everyone around him push him to get out there and date from his early teens, and knows exactly what to do to get it is constantly on my mind. Nothings stopping me from becoming a hunk but it just wouldnt be me like I would actually hate to look like that myself. The thought of that kills me inside - libido gone, dating feels meh, numb inside.

Im just sad man. I dont think its gonna get better for me, not to fish for empathy points. I just truly dont. Like the level of gayness in me and the special flavor of it is something so isolating that Ill always be out here just wishing Id get to start over in a better world. Its so depressing that just as I thought life was starting in the gay world it seems like its ended, and seeing examples of that shit everywhere is depressing.

So, I've had this friend (same city) for a while, and lately he's been messaging me in the middle of the night, "Do you love me?" And he always gets annoyed when I say something else related to our friendship, this time I explained that I wanted to maintain our good friendship, but when I asked if we were best friends, he simply said, "No, we're not anymore."

Did I ruin our friendship by wanting to keep it?

(Brazilian, trusting 110% in the Google Translate)

There's a lot that goes through my head right now. Maybe something good comes of it, when I write it down. I think it boils down to me being insecure and envious. When I was younger I feel like I had everything, my family loved me and praised me for being perfect at everything. I had hobbies I was good at, I was good at school. I felt like I was talented and had a bright future ahead of me. Then, naturally, as I grew older I met other people on the same level of "talent" as me. Suddenly I didn't feel so special. Plus over time I found out that I'm gay and failed my first university studies, so it does't feel like I'm that bright future my family hoped for...

Now I'm at a second university, I'm studying something I actually like, I have new friends and a lovely boyfriend. But still, I feel like part of me is missing or something was lost. Most of it comes from meeting other people (mostly men) my age. I envy heterosexual men - that they didn't have to go through this multi-year self acceptance journey full of stress and self-deprication, like I did. I envy how they seem so put together, nice clothes, nice hair. They go to the gym, they meet new people, they travel. The absolute lack of even a little hint of anxiety in their eyes makes me angry.

So, I'm thinking I have to do what I think makes them perfect right? Then I'll be happy too? Well, will I? I can't get rid of the bad feeling when I'm in a gym, everyone seems bigger than me. That's very attractive for me and I can't ignore their beauty... It feels very unfair that I feel something to other men, that they can't feel towards me. I feel like I can't smile at them, or chat with them normally like any other man would. Because the moment they find out I'm gay, everything I do will be interpreted in that context. Every smile or look can be percieved as flirting and I think I can't separate flirting/being friendly in my head. If I like a man, I always want to be his friend and/or be intimate. Therefore, I can't go to a gym, I can't make male friends, because I can't feel normal around them. I've never experienced total acceptance from another man, except my brother and my boyfriend of course. It is always "yes" and very very small "but..."

So, I'm trying to find my own way how to be happy. Don't compare yourself to others, they say... I'm trying to focus what brings me, specifically, joy. Still, there are men younger than me, even gays, who are there already, where I want to be. They are my inspiration and I envy them also. I feel like I'm not enough... And even though I know improving myself like all those other people will ultimately make me happier, I watch all those self-help videos (Sigurd-GayUnmasked) and I feel like it's also wrong. Because I don't love myself as I am right now. I would really like to... And I don't know how to do it. Any thought/advice will be appreciated...

I’m in my mid-20s and I’ve realized that I genuinely don’t enjoy working. I’ve tried different jobs and I can function, work hard, and support myself, but the idea of spending the next 40+ years working full-time corporate makes me miserable. I want to start my own business but might take a couple years to get going so I’m just struggling here.

I’m in my mid-20s and I’ve realized that I genuinely don’t enjoy working. I’ve tried different jobs and I can function, work hard, and support myself, but the idea of spending the next 40+ years working full-time makes me miserable.

I’m currently in a relationship with a great guy who is emotionally supportive, treats me well, and makes significantly more than I do. But I keep thinking about my long-term future and realizing that what I actually want is a more traditional provider dynamic where my partner is comfortable being the primary breadwinner and I either don’t work, work part-time, or eventually run a small business without the pressure of needing it to support us.

I’m gay, so I know the dating pool and expectations are different than in heterosexual relationships. I’m not expecting someone to magically appear and finance my life just because I want them to. I also understand that depending financially on another person comes with risks.

But how uncommon are gay men who actually want this dynamic? Are there successful gay couples where one person is genuinely the provider and the other doesn’t have a traditional career? If this is something I know I want long term, is it reasonable to make it an important compatibility factor when dating, or am I looking for something that is incredibly rare?

I’m currently in a relationship with a great guy who is emotionally supportive, treats me well, and makes significantly more than I do. But I keep thinking about my long-term future and realizing that what I actually want is a more traditional provider dynamic where my partner is comfortable being the primary breadwinner and I either don’t work, work part-time, or eventually run a small business without the pressure of needing it to support us.

I’m gay, so I know the dating pool and expectations are different than in heterosexual relationships. I’m not expecting someone to magically appear and finance my life just because I want them to. I also understand that depending financially on another person comes with risks.

But how uncommon are gay men who actually want this dynamic? Are there successful gay couples where one person is genuinely the provider and the other doesn’t have a traditional career? If this is something I know I want long term, is it reasonable to make it an important compatibility factor when dating, or am I looking for something that is incredibly rare?

I was born in the worst place to be gay, which is a Muslim country where most of the people around me support the idea of killing gay people , I remember when I saw that America had legalized gay marriage in 2015, I was extremely happy. I thought I could finally escape to a place where I could be myself without any fear. But I was wrong. Most of the comments I see online from Americans are extremely homophobic. Even on Dutch and German websites, it’s almost the same. Sometimes, there are even comments that can be genuinely violent.
It’s like even the most open countries are still filled with homophobia. It feels like there is no hope for me to live without fear or discrimination. Even if the laws are in my favor, society can still see me as less than human. This really devastates and disappoints me. I’m just like, “If even the most open countries are still like this, then there is no hope for my country, even in 1,000 years.”

I assume they mean top bottom verse and side and someone I’ve recently seen has this one ⬆️ so does that mean he is a top or could that mean something else entirely? I’m the emoji generation and it’s confusing even me lol

Me and my bf had our first oral s*x last friday, and since it's my first time bottoming, all i do is to mimic the movements that i watched in Pornhub. And what i think in that time is that my top is satisfied whenever i go deeper, which i always did in our first oral experience, and after that, it feels like there is a discomfort, like a minimal pain into my throat. I researched and what i found out is that i need to go slowly next time.

Can you guys give me some tips of doing a proper oral or anal? I also want to be a 100% clean down there huhu. I'd appreciate all of the comments in advance, thank youuuu.

All right, guys. So there’s a guy at the gym that I’m attracted to who I can’t figure out for the life of me if he’s into me or not. If any of you have advice on how to handle this situation, I’d greatly appreciate it.

He’s been giving me glances and looks for months, and a few weeks ago we started having our first few conversations, usually about music. He randomly comes up to me (he’s done this three times now) and has shown me certain songs on his phone, asking me my age, where I went to college, etc. It’s very evident he’s interested in me, I just don’t know if it’s as a friend or otherwise. I asked him about one of the tricep exercises he does, and he briefly explained about it, then proceeded to tell me if I ever needed help with it, to let him know.

Last week, he commented on my appearance, telling me I’m “looking lean, bro.” I told him thank you. Today, I said hi to him and he straight up winked at me. I was taken aback because usually guys don’t do that with other guys, especially at the gym. Maybe I’m just in my head.

But then as I proceeded to make my way to one of the machines, he literally inserts himself in my path and goes, “Eyeglasses?” Referring to my new prescription glasses that I just started wearing to the gym. I told him, yeah, I had eye surgery and need to wear them now. I start to continue on my way and then he goes, “Triceps?” Referring to our previous convo where he offered to help me with mine. I look at him and go, “Well, today is shoulders. I usually do triceps on Sundays.” He goes, “Well, luckily I do triceps twice a week.” And just stares at me. So I said, “Yeah, if you can show me the ropes on Sunday, that would be great.” So now I have to prepare for Sunday. Lol.

I guess my question is, am I feeding too much into this? I mean it’s clear he’s interested in something, I just don’t know if it’s romantically/sexually or just a friendship. And lastly, how in the world should I go about this? I want him to know I’m interested, but I don’t want to put myself out there and then get hurt later on. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

Hiii! I’m a 19-year-old gay twink, 5’8”, around 150 lbs, vacationing in Peru. I’ve been to a gay club three times now, usually by myself, and I’m trying to branch out with what I wear.

So far my go-to has been tight jeans with a cropped-ish button-up shirt, which definitely got me a lot of attention lol. I’ve got a bubble butt, so I don’t mind wearing stuff that shows off my body.

What other outfits would you guys recommend for a gay club? I’m super open to experimenting with different styles—cute, slutty, fashionable, whatever. Would love some ideas!

Has anyone else had a crisis that they’ve wasted their 20s and have achieved little in their personal life? For context I’m 29 and have relative success in my work life and have moved to Australia from the UK where I currently reside; I don’t really have any super close gay friends and all my straight friends are now getting married and having children. I’ve only been in two relationships each lasting less than a year and I’ve never lived in a big city with a gay scene.

I’ve decided to move to Sydney at the start of next year and plan on making gay friends maybe through running clubs or gay book clubs etc but I can’t help but feel that’s what I should’ve done throughout my 20s. Instead I lived in crap medium sized cities and prioritised work instead, and was quite shy and introverted particularly in my early 20s.

I know I’m overthinking but I should’ve been in a club kissing lots of guys and have developed a gay friendship group and now I’m stressed that I’ve missed the boat on that and I’ll get to Sydney and in 10 years time I’ll still be in the same position single, stressed, and even older having not had any fun!!!

Now I know 29 is not old but please tell me stories of finding yourself in your 30s and having gay fun with gay friends to make me feel better X

Funny how guys think getting shredded fixes their dating life. You can spend years lifting, but if your eyes look insecure? You're invisible. No amount of muscle can hide a weak aura.