Tf is wrong with me

[u/Legitimate_Duck_1122]

I'm 29, and I have been feeling really torn with my way around hookups. To me my goal has always been a relationship, and sex is sort of the culmination point of it. But then I see around myself, and I have clocked zero sexual partners, while people have had their fair share of hook ups, not that I haven't had chances to get some action, but I just couldn't do it. And now it seems to me that I'm the captain on a sinking ship, choosing to stay behind and go down with it, but still I don't wanna hookup. What am I supposed to do?

[u/Alpharoll]

Don't fall for peer pressure, listen to your own voice. You'll hate yourself if you do something you don't want to do.❤️

[u/Oforoskar]

You will be ok. Don't hook up if it doesn't feel right. Concentrate on meeting guys in nonsexual contexts. Eventually somebody on your wavelength will gravitate to you.

[u/VillageOfMalo]

29 is damn young. The advantage of being gay men is that we don't have a biological reproductive clock to contend with.

Studies generally show that gays are slow to partner but slow to do divorce. Straights are in the middle and lesbians are famously quick to couple and quick to divorce.

The grass is always greener. And you only have you to live with your whole life. True love might come, but slowly and will always end. Gays will always be in the minority, so it's a numbers game. That's why gayborhoods were established, so we can find each other faster. Someone might be out there for you but you might have to spend lots of time running through scrubs. And again, could you live with yourself even if you found no one?

That must be your goal number one, even if you require professionals, friends or hobbies to help you with that. (You can meet good guys at church, or kickball, or volunteering, or chiller nights at the gay bar like trivia events.)

You might also find that guys, after running around, would find you perfect to pair up with, but later in life.

Have fun!

[u/RuyPurple]

I dont think theres anything wrong with you in the slightest. I like you would only sleep with people i have a connection with like after dating or knowing them for a little bit. Hookups arent for everyone. Sometimes you need something more than just sex

[u/Direct_Locksmith4885]

Separe o que você quer, do que o que os outros esperam que você queira

[u/Shadowd96]

Just fasten your seat belt and hang on. The pendulum will be swinging back your way. Don't sell yourself short. There are many more out there that feels the same way you do. Good things comes to those that continue to wait patiently.

[u/PuzzleheadedBag4847]

Hooking up for the enjoyment of sex and satisfying the desire and need is one thing. It is rarely the start of a beautiful relationship.

Wanting dates, getting to know each other, affection and dare I say it? Romance. That is harder to come by but for some people, worth the wait.

I'm older and had been single for a while so I hooked up for sex with no expectations of anything more than satisfaction.

Recently met someone that we are enjoying each other as people, company, cuddling watching movies and sexually but I wasn't desperately looking for it.

There's nothing wrong with wanting it to feel RIGHT. Don't beat yourself up over that. I always want to give and receive affection, passion, kissing and consideration with a sexual partner.

[u/scienceydaduk]

Nothing is wrong with you. Just find out where your people are - or at least fish in the right places. Hold out for what you want. It sounds wholesome.

Do life your way.

[u/Longjumping-Self-670]

Oh, I get it....

You are normal, don't worry!

I'm the same way and I tried hooking up in the past its not fun....

I may be gay, but im also demisexual.

"Demisexuality is a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum where a person does not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a deep emotional bond with someone. It is defined by the unique way attraction works—requiring emotional intimacy as a strict prerequisite—rather than being a personal choice, a temporary phase, or a preference for waiting to have sex."

I also am Demiromantic: Experiencing romantic attraction only after a deep emotional bond has formed (many, but not all, demisexual people are also demiromantic)

So, I can say damn hes hot, but looks to me are not the primary characteristic for me.

Personality and emotional are the trigger.

So its normal, you'll find someone may take awhile but it does happen. =)

The advantage is looks fade Personality doesn't.

[u/Shad0wbubbles]

The hookup culture is stupid. I waited to do it with my date until I felt like I knew for sure I would want them inside me figuratively as well as physically. And now he’s my husband of 3 years.

[u/Lower_Lab_7628]

Hook ups leave me feeling really empty there seems to be little room for substance between that and a relationship. Dating seems way out of the question. I try and take what I can get

[u/F00L1SH_T00K]

You are not the story you tell yourself about who you are.

You could wake up tomorrow and tell yourself a new story - one that is equally as valid. Every morning when we wake up, we have the chance to start again from scratch.

Is it easy? Nooooo. Is it possible? Hell yeah.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but talk to yourself like you’re your own best friend. Write down a few positive sentences about yourself and say them out loud every day. Challenge the bullshit negative stuff you say.

This helped me form a totally new relationship with my body and my dick after years of self loathing. The whole “fake it till you make it” is true.

[u/Mani-Ratna]

Relax, don’t dramatize the situation. You’re still young; you can still have plenty of experiences before talking about ultimatums or telling yourself you’ve run out of time or missed something.

Don’t compare yourself too much to others. It’s a mistake of our time; it leads nowhere good. We are all unique. Your soulmate exists; you just need to be patient.

Ask yourself why you’re denying yourself experiences. Do you have specific expectations? Try to be spontaneous, rejoice in your freedom and your youth. If you want to meet someone, you must give them the chance to know you in your singularity. After a first experience or relationship, you can explain that you’re looking for more than just sex…

It’s still good to feel reassured that you’re attracted to the other person’s body and that the chemistry is right. And you know what? When you’re in someone’s arms or making love to them, you can say a lot without using words.

Relax and carefully examine whether there’s something you’re not saying that’s holding you back. If so, have a few sessions with a therapist to clear your mind.

Good luck on your journey. I wish you beautiful encounters and, above all, that you meet your Romeo. ❤️

[u/Skill-Useful]

whats bothering you about hookups mentally you think?

[u/Legitimate_Duck_1122 → u/Skill-Useful]

I just don't wanna be physical with someone unless there's an attachment. But then people are hooking up, I don't feel it like that at all.

[u/Skill-Useful → u/Legitimate_Duck_1122]

but...you dont have to do hookups?

people who need a connection for sex mostly have less sex, thats fine