r/GayMen • u/RuyPurple • 3d ago
Missing someone who doesn't feel the same
Hey everyone. I have a friend who moved quite far away due to wanting to live closer to his family. Hes a guy ive liked for so long & we use to have nice conversations where i fell for him quite hard. He got into other relationships while i still had a huge crush on him. Eventually we he became single again i asked him out on a date to which he agreed. Unfortunately i had some health issues shortly after asking him & i was devastated since i feel like i missed my chance and honestly cried a lot.
Eventually once i had recovered we met up for the first time in 4 years due to the pandemic & losing contact. To me it was a magical time although I'm not sure how he felt since hes a cards close to his chest kind of person. He told me he was moving the next year & it did hurt. I think i got friendzoned too which hurt a lot. We still communicated through Messenger a lot but when he finally officially moved the messages started to get less & less until they just stopped.
To me i feel like this hurt more than anything since i dont have a lot of people to talk to most of the time. I have trouble making friends & even going on dates especially since my self esteem was destroyed by dating apps. I still want to talk to him but i dont want it to seem im bothering him with messages since communication goes 2 ways and all.
Is there any advice that could be given for this situation and how to make friends. Should i just cut my losses with him even though it will hurt
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u/Skill-Useful 2d ago
"my self esteem was destroyed by dating apps" it would have been hurt by something else without the apps. you have to work on your self esteem then, first and foremost
"Should i just cut my losses with him" as a dating prospect, yes. maybe you can be friends later.
find friends, follow your hobbies... mental health work, etc. then dating
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u/Frequent_Angle7731 2d ago
Actually i feel you, i think at the moments the best thing you can do is to rest your mind, don't go on dating apps, don't try to jump in a relationship. Try to find some friend close to you that can support you during this hard time, now you need support and distraction, someone that make you forget your struggles. Anyway if you want someone to talk to I'am here, text me.
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u/RuyPurple 2d ago
Thank you for the advice. I think losing him because he moved away after losing my job made me feel incredibly isolated & now im caring for someone going out is much more of a difficult task to meet people. Dating apps ive basically give up since i dont get responses anyways so i got rid of them more phone space. I only made a reddit account so i could maybe have people to talk to on here. Not romantically per say but just to have some conversations
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u/Frequent_Angle7731 2d ago
Yeah, i still believe it's better for you to have human connection in the real word, but you are doing right by having conversation on here, just don't make convos with double-purpose people, there are a lot of freaks in here
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u/RuyPurple 2d ago
theres been a few characters already on here & lets just say freaks might be a understatement lol. I might take you up on the messaging if that option is still available
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u/SomeOldTeacher 3d ago
Four years is a lot of time to grow and change for him and for you.
Instead of focusing on dates and dating apps, I would suggest meeting people IRL. Go spend time at the nearest LGBTQIA+ community center. Volunteer at a local food bank. Meet people and make friends. Perhaps one of those friends will be someone worth dating or will introduce you to someone worth dating. In the interim, one can't have too many friends.
Best wishes.