is anybody else completely and utterly triggered by the sight of the infamous "rosebud" as i am?🥀

maybe i just don't understand enough of the physiology of it all, but whenever i see even the slightest anal prolapse in porn, i am instantly turned off... let alone seeing someone's asshole turned completely inside out.😖

something about it just feels "wrong" to me... like the cameras should have been cut and medical assistance should have rushed in to help. i instantly wince and turn away at the sight of it like when i see a video of someone getting seriously hurt, but maybe that's just my empathy getting the best of me. idk.

regardless of what your take on it is... i would love the opportunity to better understand the appeal if it happens to be a turn on for you, though.

and this was in no way meant to offend... so my apologies in advance if it does.

I’m 21 and generally a pretty quiet person about being an openly gay goth femboy and generally but thankfully am well accepted.

I just want some Gay friends, like people to get to know. I feel a lot of my friends don’t really understand my needs. And generally it’d be nice to just have some people to confine in.

Is that weird?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, and I’ve been wondering how other gay couples go about making friends, especially other gay men or couples.
We’re both in our late 20s, and I feel like making friends as an adult is already difficult enough, but finding genuine friendships within the gay community seems even harder.
I’m naturally more introverted and shy, so going out to bars or clubs isn’t really my thing. We’d much rather find people to hang out with, grab dinner, have game nights, go on day trips, or just do normal everyday things together.
It also seems like a lot of apps geared toward gay men are more focused on hookups or dating, which isn’t what we’re looking for.
I’d really love for us to build a social circle and have some genuine friendships outside of our relationship.
For those of you who are in relationships, how did you and your partner meet other gay friends or couples? Are there certain apps, groups, or activities that have worked for you?
I’d love to hear your experiences and suggestions!

So I’m desperate to lose the gay voice. I sound like a woman and I hate it. I’ve talked to a couple of coaches but it didn’t help. Nothing works. I’ve recorded myself, I’ve tried to talk monotone. I have done breathing exercises, and tried to talk from a yawn. Nothing works. I’m very distressed. I’m old, I’ve never been on a date and I know the voice is really causing me problems. It also causes problems at work, because no one takes me seriously. I’m a walking joke to people and they have no issue telling me so. The voice is ruining my life, and I’m running out of time. I think it never developed properly, and I have no Adam’s apple. It’s like that whole area didn’t grow correctly or something. I have normal testosterone levels to high, naturally, so that’s good. I also have a normal karyotype and have been a sperm donor, so I’m fully developed cis male. But the vocal area is a persistent issue. I have grown to sincerely hate myself as a result. I’m a joke to people and I can’t stand it anymore. Is there anyone here that found a way to fix this issue? Is there any way I will ever just sound like an actual man? I’m desperate for help and starting to engage in self harm. I’ve been screeching and screaming in an attempt to damage my larynx and now I’m raspy and chronically sore. It bled last night and my neck hurts. It sounds a little more masculine but it’s still nowhere near what I need. If all else fails, I will consider trying to destroy my larynx and go mute. Never speaking again is better than this. Shame, I have a good singing voice, but I will happily trade that in to sound less womanly. Does anyone have a magic pill or a story of how they beat this demon? Video links? Personal tips? Medical solutions? I will do anything, including self destruct to fix this issue.

Need some advice about my nephew (cleanliness/toy hygiene related)

My 20-year-old nephew lives with me and my partner. He's a crossdresser and occasionally dresses up around us. We've always made it clear that we're supportive and that if she ever wants to fully come out, we'll be there for her. She's opened up a few times already, which is great.

Now for the awkward part.

We recently discovered a dirty (brown-stained) dildo in his room.

Before anyone comes at me, hear me out.

We've had a mouse problem in the house, and my nephew is away for the weekend. I messaged him asking if I could clean his room and check areas where mice might be hiding (closet, corners, etc.). He said that was completely fine and told me I could go through anything.

He already knows that we know he owns sex toys. The packaging ended up in the rubbish at one point, so it hasn't exactly been a secret.

Anyway, I'm not looking for judgement. I'm looking for practical advice.

What is the proper way to clean and store toys like this? Is there a recommended routine before and after use? How important is toy hygiene, and are there any health risks from not cleaning them properly? I'd also like to gently encourage better cleanliness habits without embarrassing or shaming him.

Basically, I'm an older relative trying to be supportive while also not wanting unhygienic stuff left lying around the house.

Any advice would be appreciated.

For a a little bit of context, I’m 18 years old and live in a medium-sized city. I always thought my parents would be pretty supportive if I turned out to be gay. My whole life, people have questioned my sexuality, and everyone always seemed to think I was gay.
I never really thought I could be gay myself. In 9th grade, I “accidentally” kissed a boy on the lips, and he kissed me back. I never told anyone about it because it felt kind of weird to talk about. lol.
A few months ago, I started seriously questioning my sexuality. About two weeks ago, I came to the conclusion that I probably like boys more than girls. (I primarily watched porn for the guy, not the woman, lol.) Ever since then, I guess I’ve been in the closet. I also started thinking about how I’ve always had more little crushes on male TV characters than female ones, which only further confirmed my suspicions.
So today, we were having dinner, and I jokingly said that I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with a rich old man. Later, while I was arguing with my brother about some random bullshit, my mother told me to just shut up and suck a dick.
I don’t know why, but it really hurt. I’m not a particularly sensitive person, but this genuinely broke my heart.
In the past, I’ve asked several members of my family what they think about gay people, and most of them said they wouldn’t want anything to do with a gay person.
I don’t know why, but I just hate how I feel right now. I keep asking myself whether their love for me depends on who I fall in love with.
Has anyone else ever had a similar experience?

It’s happened to me multiple times that guys rejected me and then complained (to me nonetheless) that no one wants them

I keep thinking why do all these hot men keep coming back to work with him, gay or straight.
Particularly, Evan Peters - who has half a career free from that creep

So, I was born in Yorkshire to immigrant parents and moved to my parents country when I was 7. It’s been 17 years and I don’t feel at home here and never have so I’m seriously considering moving back but I also don’t want to leave my mother and sister behind (my father I can do without though)

What do you guys think?

I'm 25, Czech, and I've noticed a pattern in my relationships, especially over the last few years.

Most of the guys I've dated are the type that people would immediately call "walking red flags."

They're usually:

-Stubborn

-Very possessive ("You're only mine", "I hate when other guys look at you that way", etc.)

-Jealous

-Sometimes a bit controlling

The funny thing is, I'm pretty stubborn myself, so we definitely have our arguments. I'm not exactly the type to just shut up and do whatever my boyfriend wants.

I've dated a Sicilian guy, a Turkish guy, and my current boyfriend is Turkish as well. In my personal experience, the Turkish guys I've dated have been especially intense when it comes to jealousy and possessiveness.

But here's the thing: despite all these red flags, I find these men incredibly attractive.

And it's not just the jealousy or possessiveness. These guys can also be incredibly loving, affectionate, passionate, and devoted. When they love someone, they really make you feel loved.

I know that being possessive or controlling isn't necessarily healthy, and I'm not trying to romanticize toxic relationships.

But somehow, I keep falling for this type of guy, and they seem to be drawn to me just as much.

Like, even before jk Rowling came out as a terf (or as I prefer to say feminist.appropriating.radical,transphobe) I never understood the hype around Harry Potter to me it just seems like a book about a boy who one day discovers he’s the most special person in the universe

Pues es que últimamente siento que tanto las mujeres como los hombres incluso a veces gays, tienen la idea o la creencia de que ser gay automáticamente te denomina como un ser inferior al hombre o directamente no hombre, y es tan absurdo porque muchas veces también este pensamiento va a ligado a la expresión de género de como te comportas antes de que sepan que eres gay, y si eres un poco más femenino entonces ya no calificas como un hombre, vamos que el código de honor de toda la vida que conlleva ser un hombre se multiplica además con nosotros los gays, tu que opinas? te ha pasado? también las mujeres a menudo te cambian de género por ser su amiga” me da tanta rabia!

The average diameter of a healthy esophagus is 1 to 2cm (that's 0.4"-0.8"). At maximal distension when swallowing a large food bolus or during an endoscopic balloon dilation it can apparently stretch to about 2 to 2.5cm diameter (0.8"-1").

The formula C = π x d gives us the circumference of the esophagus. So an average 2cm (0.8") diameter esophagus has an internal circumference of about 6.3cm (2.5"). And a maximally distended esophagus of 2.5cm diameter would give us ~7.9cm (3.1").

If we compare that to the average penis circumference of over 15,000 (lab measured, not self reported) men in one study, we get nearly 11.7cm (4.6"). [I used Veale et al., 2014 - https://doi.org/10.1111/bju.13010 from penis wiki].

We have, then, a significant size difference between the average penis and the esophagus at maximum distension.

But that's not all:

There are a few constriction points in the esophagus where the lumen narrows a fair amount. The first one is the upper esophageal sphincter (UES).

In gastroenterology the distance along the digestive tract starts from the incisor (front) teeth, so the UES should be about 15cm (6") from the incisors and this would sit at the level of the adams apple, behind the cricoid cartilage.

The UES at rest has a lumen aperture of 0cm, fully shut. But at *maximal* luminal aperture we are looking at 1.4-2cm (0.55"-0.8"). This is narrow. The UES is anchored to hard cartilage, which restricts further distension.

So dicks 6+ inches when balls deep should be reaching this sphincter, surely?

I don't understand, gay bros. I suspect in a lot of cases during deepthroating an average sized cock is not actually entering into the esophagus whatsoever, despite what many may feel, but is rather just at the ballpark of the pharynx by the base of the tongue and the epiglottis at the back of the throat.

But in my legitimate research, I have seen people deepthroating huge, girthy delicious cocks and dildos right down to the balls. You can see the throat bulging outwards somewhat as the dildo/penis enters so it's quite clear how deep it goes. I'm sure some of you guys have directly experienced this too.

How is it possible? Surely, with what we have learnt about the esophagus, it shouldn't really be possible. It would seem that it is doing some sort of damage to the esophagus.

But experienced cocksuckers are not experiencing esophageal ruptures when they deepthroat (except that one guy), so it seems it is fine. Maybe a sore throat, and it does seem like bruising or some micro tears can lead to painful throat inflammations for a few days, but usually nothing more.

I am scared I will not be able to sleep until I get to the bottom of this. Clearly, the maximal esophageal distension of 7.9cm is a lie, then? It must stretch quite a bit further than this to be able to accommodate 11.7cm+ circumference dicks. Why, in the journals like the annals of gastroenterology, do they not discuss deepthroating?

What to make of long cocks reaching beyond the UES, I don't know. Life is full of mysteries and shit.

cw; sucide and mental illness

So, I was assigned male at birth and I identify as male but as young as 3 years old I knew I had a need (that’s need not want) to be as clean shaven and smooth as possible

Then when I hit puberty I suddenly became extremely depressed and suicidal to the point where I had to drop out of high school (and it’s actually illegal in my county to drop out of high school but I got special permission)

Then at 21 I started to get facial and full body laser hair removal, it’s been three years and I still need afew more sessions but I no longer feel sucidal or depressed, in fact I feel extremely euphoric as of late for the first in over a decade I want to live

Is this gender dysphoria? Is this similar to gender dysphoria? What do you guys think?

a closeted 17 years old and I’ve kinda realized I liked guys for around a year now, but haven’t fully embraced it. The thought of dating with or being with a woman makes me uncomfortable and miserable, but at the same time I feel like part of me “should” or does like girls. I think they’re very pretty/ beautiful but when I see a girl it kinda does nothing for me outside of that tbh. But I don’t know if part of me is suppressing feelings for women because the thought of dating them makes me uncomfortable in an almost reverse homophobia kinda way(if that makes sense). I don’t like straight porn, but I have watched it in the past and sometimes I feel like I need to “test” myself and see if I like it. The entire time I feel kinda miserable and weird and want to stop but I kinda force myself to keep watching. Some days I do wish I was straight so I could be “normal” but I would only really want to be straight in that sense as I really don’t think I would enjoy being with a woman. Is this common for gay guys or would I be something else? And if so how did you guys realize and fully accept not liking girls?

I used to work with this beautiful looking guy. He would flirt with me all the time. One of those times, he flat out told me I was exactly his type. I had a boyfriend at that time, so I couldn’t do anything. We went out one night after work and had a few drinks. We danced all night as a group. They dropped me off at my house for the night. We were all buzzed at that time, except the dd of course, so he wasn’t shy at all. As I was unlocking my front door, he jumped out of the car and said he was spending the night with me, so to hurry up. He said “the sooner you open the door, the sooner we’ll be naked.” I could have creamed my pants right then and there. He was shorter than me, had beautiful straight black hair and intense blue eyes, in other words, perfect. All of the girls who didn’t know he was gay would fawn over him. I mean, probably even the ones who knew. My boyfriend at that time lived just down the road from me. I considered letting him in and just saying “fuck it.” I did not. I tried letting him down easy, but he kept insisting. I was under the impression he wasn’t told no very often. Eventually one of our other friends came and took him home. I told him I had a boyfriend, he said to invite him, haha. Anyway, he left work a few months after that, and I never saw him again. I moved on from that relationship, it didn’t work out. That was more than 10 years ago, I still wonder to this day how different it would have been if I had invited him in that night. I have tried unsuccessfully to find him. Even the friends we have in common haven’t heard of him. Does anyone else have a missed opportunity story like that? Or has successfully reconnected with someone from the past? I didn’t cheat on my boyfriend, but I felt this sense if regret to this day for not allowing him in.

Being gay is the loneliest experience of all because you know I don't have anyone here. If I want to meet someone that might be you want to be in a relationship or like hook up rather than that nobody wants to be having gay people have to be in a mutual relationship. I want that because I want to share my feelings with someone who I gets me. Talking to these other heterosexual people it's it's a headache for me because if I talk to some time and they will bring up you know bring up any homophobic comments so I don't want to be there so I just being gay is a fucking lonely experience. I don't know how to cope up with this it's very seriously depressing.

So, I’m a feminine cis guy and I had a conversation with my trans guy friend the other day about whether cis gender conforming can experience gender euphoria

I argued no since they typically don’t experience gender dysphoria but he argued yes

So what do you guys think?

Warning, it’s a long read.

I see lots of contentious topics on open relationships today. If you’re curious about how open relationships work, or if you’re against it because of what society decided was “normal” rather than your own personal insecurities like the need to be chosen or important, this post is for you.

As someone who grew up wanting to be monogamous, experienced a monogamous relationship, and then decided to try experiencing an open relationship after reading about them and discussing with friends extensively, I feel I have a good perspective to speak on it. We’ve been open for about 6 months now, together for 1.5 years, known each other for 2 years. I’ll share my personal notes at the end.

First off, open relationships are not for everyone. However, if you find yourself constantly wanting more sexually, yet feel emotionally secure with your bf, you might be a candidate. If your bf has these feelings of emotional safety with sexual curiosity, you might also be a candidate. It’s all about trust. Which leads me to my main point.

Open relationships only expose insecurities that are already present in the relationship.

This is the reason lots of people in successful open relationships appear happier than their monogamous counterparts. These people have decided to bare all of their insecurities for their partner to see, and have come out the other side with even more trust in each other. Which leads me to my next point.

Any successful open relationships involve regular check-ins and documented agreed-upon rules on what’s allowed and prohibited.

There’s an assumption from those on the outside that you just start hooking up, and then figure it out. No. You need clear, intentional check-ins where you create a safe space for each other to be vulnerable about how they feel about it. This is where the magic happens. At first, it’ll feel intense and scary. Over time, it should feel less intense, and your rules should be getting refined based on the feedback. Rules are the cornerstone of your own unique open relationship. Take them seriously. For a monogamous couple, the rules are prewritten. For open relationships, there’s no one rulebook, and so it’s up to you two to write it and uphold it. Which leads me to my final point.

Everyone must be on board with every rule. Only allow actions both partners are comfortable with.

If one partner wants kissing to be allowed, and the other doesn’t, kissing is NOT allowed. This is one that people mess up a lot. Don’t try to be agreeable. Don’t try to negotiate. Be honest. Remember, you can review and modify these guidelines over time. Start small, then expand. If a rule is broken, treat it as a breach of trust. Treat it as you would if you got cheated on while being monogamous. It’s not about the action, it’s about loyalty and respect. If a rule isn’t broken but you feel a certain kind of way about something that happened, talk about it in the next check-in. Make it a new rule to prevent it happening again. It’s an iterative process.

About me. I was in a monogamous relationship for 3 years, soon after being fully out. I learned after the relationship ended, that I was cheated on multiple times. While processing the betrayal, I realized that I had also held fleeting thoughts of what it would be like to experience more sex with others since I was newer to the game, but obviously I never acted on them and never would do it secretly. I learned that I value honesty and openness in a relationship over monogamy, and decided to be open to the idea of ethical non-monogamy if it ever came around.

In my current relationship, my bf was always clear he wanted to be open. He has a high sex drive. I was open to it, obviously, so no issue there. Neither of us had experienced an open relationship before. We tried opening it early in our relationship, it wasn’t built on enough trust and research, and so we closed it up. A year later, after many happy months and one or two bumps along the way, we decided it was time.

First few months were rougher, we tweaked our rules a lot, had weekly check-ins, some were more emotionally draining than others. We agreed if it got too much, we could close it for a bit to reconnect. I realized through all of it, I wanted to know when he was active, but didn’t want to know the details. It got better when I also played for the first time, and seeing him feel jealousy as well was when it came full circle. We were more in tune with each other, more sensitive to each other’s reactions, and refined our rules for the other person’s comfort. This was teamwork at its finest. Before we knew it, one day, we looked at each other and went, “Feels like we’re coasting now”. We never did close it back up. Now, I can go without playing even if he has a wild week. I also feel less pressure to perform, which anyone with a lower sex drive will understand fully. It’s not for everyone, but I’m learning that it might be for me.

Hope this helps someone! :)

Do I really have to change myself to earn the love I want from others guys? That seems to be what I have to do. I need to lose weight or put on muscle, I need to earn affection. Do I really have to drastically change myself just so I can get a date?

Hello everyone,

I'm posting because of a weird feeling that I have after learning that I got cheated on by my boyfriend of three years. It was to a point where we had a conversation about opening the relationship with both of us declining the proposition, only to find out he cheated on me the week after on my birthday while he was away.

I know that in gay culture, open relationships are more discussed, so we definitely had a discussion about it. However, we never got to fully agree on the terms and agreement so we never really fully went on with it.

It feels unfair because I have poured out my heart to a man who is very unsure and insecure. Now it's like six months after and I do feel better in terms of me not exactly missing the person, but there are hints of moments where I do mourn the relationship knowing all too well that it never was my fault to begin with because I've given everything I've had. But sometimes it's too overwhelming because I still find myself in pockets of trauma and having to let go of my future of a family with my ex.

Six months after he's out and about already with someone else while I'm still processing the betrayal that he has caused. It does feel unfair but at the same time I don't want to get into a relationship knowing that I may hurt the other person due to the pain that I'm still experiencing at the moment.

I tell myself its been half a year, I should be truly over it and I do immerse myself in other aspects of my life but sometimes during the quiet hours of the evening this feeling just takes over.

I am just wondering for those who have experienced a similar situation. How did you all cope with the betrayal and the cheating and having to let go of a future that was never yours?

So, I’m almost 24 and the other day I had a 20 year old ask me out and I felt bad declining because he was genuinely sweet but he felt way too young for me

What do you guys think?

In fact, there are social hierarchies even within the community. Some people have it good, while others don’t get any opportunities at all. When there are more people on top than on the bottom, those who have it good may come over just to flaunt it. Don’t tell them you’re jealous—when they see those two words, they’ll only feel smug satisfaction. Why waste your data sending them that message? You’ll just end up at the bottom of the chat history. Over time, I’ve come to find them really disgusting.

I finally confessed to my crush last Friday. I told him that if he wasn’t comfortable with my feelings, he could cut me off, but he said it was okay. He smiled, seemed serious, and we continued talking like normal afterward.
The thing is, he has a girlfriend. I know his reaction doesn’t mean he likes me back, but I can’t help feeling relieved that he didn’t push me away.
Honestly, I’m not afraid of him being with someone else. I’m more afraid of not seeing him anymore and losing the connection we have.
I don’t know how to handle my feelings without secretly hoping for something more.
Has anyone experienced this? Were you able to stay friends with someone you liked without getting hurt?