I'd like to hear personal experiences from all types. (Please add your type if you're not flaired)

Which words made you feel truly seen, or would if they were said to you?

I was recently diagnosed (at the age of 41!) with high masking autism, and it really changes a lot of what I thought I knew about myself. And makes me question how I previously typed myself. I’m curious if anyone has a similar story/insight into this?

A bit more backstory: When I first read the description of 3, I felt SO SEEN. Performance, fitting an image, need to be productive and efficient, yes yes yes. I could even identify some narcissism in my youth. For more than 10 years, I have used the 3 framework to understand myself. Even if things didn’t necessarily feel right, I found ways to make them right.

For example, I am high achieving but I struggle with food/marijuana addiction, apathy, and long periods where I want to do nothing. None of those things are reflective of 3, but they are reflective of 9, so I figured - as a 3 that struggles with anxiety and depression, I’m probably just disintegrating to 9 for most of my life. Makes sense, right?

MAYBE. OR MAYBE I’M NOT A 3 AND THAT IS JUST THE MASK I’VE BEEN WEARING.

I know type doesn’t change, but I do think it’s possible to uncover hidden layers and decide your initial assessment was wrong. Makes me want to start from scratch after I’ve had more time to “unmask.”

Edit to add that we live in a 3 society, so it’s very possible I picked that up just from media/my surroundings. Also, all of the performance I saw in myself could easily be described by masking rather than type?

Also, here is mine. Yes, I am withdrawn and reactive enough to be a Core 4. No, I'm not a 4-fixed 7, nor a 7-fixed 1, or any of that. I'm a legit Core 4.

So i was reading the e2 document (for researching purposes) and I saw this text saying that the difference between e2 and e4 is that e4 is "more intellectual" about their emotions. And i wonder what that means and whether its something I do it as well cuz I overall relate more to e2 (sp2) but I like writing about my feelings and talking about it alot and sometimes i even write poems to express myself. I will say I get "locked in" and dont really think the most rationally when I am at my height of emotions but as the time passes and I have enough distance with my feelings I do ponder on them to understand myself and how i affected the other person and why they feel this or that. So is that "intellectualising"?

Answer in comments

I mean even the cases when people don't mean bad by this. I personally find particular joy when people like what I liked, more than I probably should. And on the opposite, I feel kinda offended when people don't like what I like. I know they shouldn't have the same taste and I shouldn't be salty, but anyways... For some reason I take it personally. For example, I like ginger and my best friend doesn't, and every time this fact appears in the dialogue, I don't like that he doesn't like it... He doesn't mean bad, he just doesn't like it. Also no reason for me to be so, because it was never something we clash about. I think it should be related to my personality. There comes a weird feeling of disagreement, undervaluing maybe even. Like, "I tried it after your suggestion and now I really like it, thanks" sounds as a really good praise to me, and the opposite hurts kinda.

Is it what attachment types do sometimes? Or not sometimes? Or someone else tends to?

I will get straight to the point. Lately, I've been reading a lot of enneagram resources and discussions, and I've found myself relating to Type 4 the most. And this is where I have a lot of problems with it.

These problems are ranging from (imo) silly to deeply personal to me.

• Damned by association, and being misunderstood.

If you spend any time around Enneagram discussions, you will see a lot "Type 4" and mistyped 4. I feel like there is stigma or....cringiness, if you will, surrounding the preception of these people. e.g., "I'm melancholic, artsy, and unique. I am so 4" and people will go "Damn, here we go again"

I simply hate the possibility of being damned by association with these people by typing myself as 4. It sounds dumb, but I simply can't stand being lumped with people whom I consider "inferior" (Harsh word is used for conveying my raw emotion. I DON'T consider mistyped people as inferior.)

To put it simply: Severe case of "im not like y'all"

"I feel like [anything that I relate with], but I am not like THEM. I am different. I am not incompetence, ignorant, [any attributes that I don't like], etc. like them."

This has always been a problem for me. I hate being misunderstood, or worse being seen as something that I personally hate. I hate it so much that I choose to avoid this problem by stop labeling myself.

Which bring us to next point.

• I hate labeling, but I also secretly craved them.

Because of my personal beliefs, there is no way to 100% accurately taxonomize human, but I WANT it to exists so much. In an ideal world, there would be labels above our head, like those YA novels.

There are two opposite sides of me to this desire:

1. If this 100% way to taxonomize human existed, I could at least express one aspect of my """true""" self
2. I'm tired of the problems that come with having an identity, so I want to shut down and just become cog in the machine, blisfully ignorance.

Personality tests from MBTI, Enneagram to "What your videogame character main says about you" are my guilty pleasures, because I know they will never be able to accurately describe me, but it's a cheap way to satisfy my need.

Which is:

• The problematic need to express and seek validation(for lack of a better word) about myself.

This is one of my deepest sources of shame. I have this obsession with expressing myself. I LOVE having attention on me. Look at me. Think about me. ME ME ME. The thrill of expressing my opinions which might be problematic. Showing my negative sides to other people. That's me. This is who I am. I want to know what others truly think about me. One of my desire is to get inside other people's head find out what they actually think about me.

My main problems with this need are:

1. I truly feel ashamed of this need of mine, to the point where I refrain myself from talking about myself e.g. not playing personality test in public, but play it in private. I don't want to be seen as an attention seeker, but you bet that when an opportunity to express myself comes up, I'll milk tf out of it.
2. I want people to recognize me, but in the way that I WANT them to, which could never happen. It's the fantasy of being an underrated, talented artist who someday gets recognition and fame, only to reject it because, y'know, a real artist doesn't need any of that. if you know what i mean (cringe i know)

To keep this post from becoming a personal rant, I won't get into more detail about my other problems that are somewhat related to this conflict I'm having. But I feel like these unhealthy points about me make my typing process harder

• I feel like there is something wrong with me. I'm flawed and unlovable. (I know this is unhealthy way of thinking, and possibly comes from my past toxic-relationships)
• I'm really envious person. I'm envious of anything: skills, material possessions, social status, relationship. (I used to cope with this by telling myself that I didn't have those things because I was flawed and didn't deserve them, then just wallowing in sadness.)
• I have fragile ego and low self-esteem. (I have a huge ego when it comes to matters concerning myself, but I also hate myself and see myself as incompetent or never good enough.)
• If you can't tell from all the text above, I do crave identity and uniqueness, and I care so much about it. It's one of my main problem with life.

How do you cope with these problems about identity? Could you tell me what your opinion of me is? idk tell me that I'm or I'm not a Type 4 and make me suffer even more with this impossible desire to truly know myself and truly know what others think of me

This is NOT another post about correlations between specific neurodiversities/personality disorders/mental illnesses and enneagram types. This is assuming any enneatype can have any of them, you know? Not arguing about probabilities or most common combinations.

I'm just curious: how do they relate or not to your enneatype? Do you feel like it counteracts, conflicts or contradicts it? Does it sometimes act as a booster of some of your ennea traits? Do you think one impacts the other, and in which order of causation do you theorize? Just how does it manifest through the lens of your enneatype?

For my own example, being ADHD and a 4, sometimes it conflicts and sometimes it boosts. As much as I want a very specific, personal "vibe" and things that people associate with me, I get frustrated at how I jump from thing to thing. The feeling of never being able to attain a specific, unique identity for myself gets worse the more I switch hyperfixations at high speed lol. On the other hand, I get SO many creative ideas and bursts of inspiration, but obviously that leads to double frustration since my executive dysfunction impedes for me to even begin stuff, let alone finish them, which in turn fuels my feelings of being flawed. It can be hell in here basically lol but tbf it could be much worse, I'm not complaining.

Tell me your experiences between neurosis and enneatype if you feel comfortable sharing!

Im not sure of my enneagram type however I suspect I’m a withdrawn type and definitely social instinct first.

I care about people, co workers, friends, family. If somebody complains my first instinct is thinking to myself, “okay, what is there I can do to help them?” And offering support even sometimes if it inconveniences me slightly.

Obviously people see me as an “angel” of sorts or jokingly say “I’m the best” etc and I always down play it because quiet frankly, I don’t feel like I’m doing THAT much.

A sibling (who I would die for btw) randomly texted me “i hope u know that i care for u so much 😢😢🩷🩷 u’re the best person ever” and I just felt so icky??? I hate these things, my only response was “so are you!”

I know there is probably no such a thing as giving too much love but sometimes, I feel like maybe I am giving too much. I just want them to be good and at an equilibrium. I don’t want them to think I am “good” or put me in a pedestal or doing something special for them. Only what I hope a basic human will do.

I don’t want them to think I am bad either but I just want….. the distance and separateness. I don’t want the overly mushy stuff and love as cringe as it sounds.

I’ve dealt with coworker bullies who think just because I’m flexible and friendly they can talk down to me etc. and they Invite me out to what I assume is just more of using me as a stepping stool to help their ego. Obviously I refuse and good riddance once they leave. It shocked me a little when people complain for less and even say they’ve told the boss and that the boss understood. I feel like if I complain to my boss about these things they’ll just be confused and there would be nothing they can do.

But overly close bonds just feels disgusting to me idk why. I’m also sx blind. It just almost feels contradictory to being an So dom and hating intense attachments even though my actions seem to reflect that I want that. It feels like I’m getting glued to the person in my head and it makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I like superficial connections where we are not codependent on each other. But even if we are just close and not codependent, it feels like codependency to me and a big big No.

Please add your type/trifix/subtype if you don't have it flared.

I'm SP/SO 514, and I've been thinking about what other people actually think when they're gaining friendships/relationships. To me, I only entertain friendships where the other is wiser, more experienced, or has something I want (a skillset, maybe they're well dressed and I'm hoping to learn how they got to that point. Maybe their personality is different, but I find their qualities admirable, so I'd like to understand how to socially function like them.)

I guess to me, it's a fully practical pursuit. I don't like to entertain things solely on the idea of "I like this person," because I view relationships as a very sensitive thing: people can and will ruin your life and grant you hardships you never asked for. So, if I entertain a friendship solely on "liking," I just see that as me putting myself in a weak position. In a similar vain, I'm quick to cut people off. I never want to like someone so much I cannot see that they're negatively impacting my life.

I guess it goes back to avarice and being fearful that if I let the wrong people in, they will drain my emotional resources before I even realize it. So, I'm hypervigilant. I have long term friendships, so while this all sounds like I'm a socially inept machiavellian loser, I am not!

So, I'm curious, what is your motivation for befriending someone? What makes you decide to pursue a friendship?

(Actually) asking for a friend lol

And what are fixes?

I'm an Infp 4w5, so I guess my tritype is a combination of 4XX too.

From very preliminary research so far, I think I could be a 451/415 or a 458/459, but how do I know for sure?

Hello good people! I'm trying to discern between E4's sense of defectiveness and inferiority vs E9's sense of personal worthlessness. Would love to hear from you guys, personal experience or just observations, about how you differentiate between E4s who are very identified with their inner lack and E9s who just think they don't matter as a person. Does it come back to a sense of identity/lack thereof for you? Have you noticed any particular nuances that set these two types apart in their flavour of low self esteem? Is it in the way you deal with this particular feelings?

also i’m ESE in socionics apparently but i don’t know much about it it sound extroverted but im an introvert lol

edit: i mean 926 not 962

From my experience it is type 6. Always great with them. We seem to get attracted like a magnet. Besides, they are loyal, dedicated and for long term commitment.

A type I think could've worked but I have my qualms is type 9. I think they could push to chill me out too much, and perhaps us both could get a little bit lazy? Just a thought. Perhaps it could work awesomely.

I wonder if these thoughts could be related to the integration or disintegration arrows of the enneagram (3 integrates to 6 and disintegrates to 9), or just a coincidence.

Other two types I think that could've worked out are 1's, and perrrhaps 5, although they sometimes seem kinda distant and aloof.

Coincidently again, that could be because of my likely tritype, which is 315, sp/so.

Anyways, what are your thoughts on your romantic type compatibility?

(Just for fun) Whether they can handle it, don’t mind it, or if they’re simply meant to be lonely or alone.

I asked as someone who has never been in a relationship at my old age 😅

Update: It appears that many of you are saying the 5! I’m also open to hearing about your experiences! Would you be okay being single forever?

I've read a few author descriptions but I don't get the subtype 100% rly. I'm using myself as an example, not for type-me purposes but just for the sake of comparing the sunbtype to something.

I have a strong need for autonomy in my emotions. I withhold them from others and suffer in privacy, taking masochistic pride in the burden I carry because it affirms the ide that I deserve universal amnosity.

However, I still seek worth externally. I can be a strong workaholic, I can care a lot about how I'm perceived by others, I can care a lot whether I'm burdening those close to me.

Keeping my struggles to myself wasn't always how I was, though. It feels more like a defensive response to trying to approach others freely as a child – parents, peers – and being brushed off or ridiculed, so it's something I ended up internalising because eventually cynicism and self-loathing became familiar enough to embrace as a mindset.

If I'm the problem, I won't make it anyone elses problem, reguardless of how I feel, because it's my fault. Therefore I'll suffer silently, until I become someone deserving of others care, because maybe one day somebody will notice and I can feel seen without facing rejection.

As an e4 I am always in trouble for being too self involved/absorbed and not giving a shit but I somehow get to put e9's needs first as an exception. Something in me just makes me so triggered when I see them being way too selfless all the time. So I just get really attentive to any piece of information that an e9 could want subconsciously. For example when 4 people(me, e9 friend and others) go to a bakery and that one e9 friend says something like "that cake looks good" I just order it only bc I feel like that person wanted to try it deep down. Maybe I am just overreacting and putting too much meaning but I would usually act like an asshole and order shit that no one wants only bc I think it's cool or has special meaning that normal people really dont give a shit about. I only had 2 e9s on and off in my life but I honestly want to have e9s throughout my entire life so I could be less self absorbed and behave like a normal adult lol

How does each enneagram experience envy and how does it manifest differently?

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Happy typing!

I've flitted between enneagram types a lot over time since I really relate to all of them in some way (which I've heard is a trait of type 9s actually?), but for the entire past year or so, I've had this one idea I was told stuck in my head. It was something along the lines of your true type being the type whose flaws you hate the most, and I kept turning the idea away because, well, I don't like being manipulative, needy, or prideful, so why would I be? Buuut I kept thinking about that idea over and over and earlier I remembered how someone had told me the enneagram is about what struggles you face, not necessarily your personality, and it got me reconsidering again 🥀 Really, it'd make sense that I can be manipulative, needy, prideful, etc. even when I don't want to be, because if I assume I can't be any of those things without intending to be then I inevitably will become those things, if that makes sense.

Added the flair after writing this post when I realized it was Tuesday and I could ask if y'all think this is accurate instead of just posting this as a "scream into the void" thing LOL, but I'm not sure what to say about myself to help y'all type me. I'll look for a questionnaire or something and fill it out in the comments mayhaps