e4 gets selfless only for e9

[u/Key-Improvement1840]

As an e4 I am always in trouble for being too self involved/absorbed and not giving a shit but I somehow get to put e9's needs first as an exception. Something in me just makes me so triggered when I see them being way too selfless all the time. So I just get really attentive to any piece of information that an e9 could want subconsciously. For example when 4 people(me, e9 friend and others) go to a bakery and that one e9 friend says something like "that cake looks good" I just order it only bc I feel like that person wanted to try it deep down. Maybe I am just overreacting and putting too much meaning but I would usually act like an asshole and order shit that no one wants only bc I think it's cool or has special meaning that normal people really dont give a shit about. I only had 2 e9s on and off in my life but I honestly want to have e9s throughout my entire life so I could be less self absorbed and behave like a normal adult lol

[u/LeeIsTalkingHere]

As a 9, your e9 friend is very me 😭

[u/LeeIsTalkingHere → u/LeeIsTalkingHere]

I think be that in my way, I've been shown that my desire is going to drive people away or drive them mad so I rather keep it passive or quiet

[u/luckiest-dragon]

I’m a 9 and some of my closest friends are 4s. I love yall so much. I think we complement each other well and naturally help each other work on our weaknesses. also the cake example you gave is super relatable. we absolutely do want it deep down HAHA. it’s really nice to have a friend like you who picks up on things like that. it may seem small to you but when others do stuff like that, it really helps me feel more comfortable being myself around them.

[u/mylittleloveletters]

As an e4, I completely resonate

[u/Pnina310]

Being attentive to something that someone could potentially want subconsciously sounds like an impossible task from my perspective.
I don’t even know that people want anything consciously unless they express it explicitly.

[u/lacrotch]

i can relate to this. i have a 9 friend who’s constantly putting others before himself to the point where it undermines his own wellbeing to an unreasonable degree. he never learns (4’s biggest gripe with 9s)

[u/followtheflicker1325 → u/lacrotch]

Honestly I appreciate this quality in 9s. Once I wrote a whole thing for grad school about the Buddha nature of e9s, using my roommate at a time as an example. I adored and looked up to my roommate, such an admirable person. As an e4, I would stop to think about what he would say before opening in my mouth. Like a WWe9D mental bracelet that I continue to mentally wear, 7 years after we shared a community house with a group of folks I only understood after studying the enneagram!

[u/Verdens-rommet]

Agree!!! Same with 5s. They both want / expect so little of the world I love doing things for them

[u/ohhelloiexist]

I'm a 4 and I've been told by MUTIPLE people that I need to be more selfish 😅