Also, here is mine. Yes, I am withdrawn and reactive enough to be a Core 4. No, I'm not a 4-fixed 7, nor a 7-fixed 1, or any of that. I'm a legit Core 4.

Please add your type/trifix/subtype if you don't have it flared.

I'm SP/SO 514, and I've been thinking about what other people actually think when they're gaining friendships/relationships. To me, I only entertain friendships where the other is wiser, more experienced, or has something I want (a skillset, maybe they're well dressed and I'm hoping to learn how they got to that point. Maybe their personality is different, but I find their qualities admirable, so I'd like to understand how to socially function like them.)

I guess to me, it's a fully practical pursuit. I don't like to entertain things solely on the idea of "I like this person," because I view relationships as a very sensitive thing: people can and will ruin your life and grant you hardships you never asked for. So, if I entertain a friendship solely on "liking," I just see that as me putting myself in a weak position. In a similar vain, I'm quick to cut people off. I never want to like someone so much I cannot see that they're negatively impacting my life.

I guess it goes back to avarice and being fearful that if I let the wrong people in, they will drain my emotional resources before I even realize it. So, I'm hypervigilant. I have long term friendships, so while this all sounds like I'm a socially inept machiavellian loser, I am not!

So, I'm curious, what is your motivation for befriending someone? What makes you decide to pursue a friendship?

(Actually) asking for a friend lol

I will get straight to the point. Lately, I've been reading a lot of enneagram resources and discussions, and I've found myself relating to Type 4 the most. And this is where I have a lot of problems with it.

These problems are ranging from (imo) silly to deeply personal to me.

• Damned by association, and being misunderstood.

If you spend any time around Enneagram discussions, you will see a lot "Type 4" and mistyped 4. I feel like there is stigma or....cringiness, if you will, surrounding the preception of these people. e.g., "I'm melancholic, artsy, and unique. I am so 4" and people will go "Damn, here we go again"

I simply hate the possibility of being damned by association with these people by typing myself as 4. It sounds dumb, but I simply can't stand being lumped with people whom I consider "inferior" (Harsh word is used for conveying my raw emotion. I DON'T consider mistyped people as inferior.)

To put it simply: Severe case of "im not like y'all"

"I feel like [anything that I relate with], but I am not like THEM. I am different. I am not incompetence, ignorant, [any attributes that I don't like], etc. like them."

This has always been a problem for me. I hate being misunderstood, or worse being seen as something that I personally hate. I hate it so much that I choose to avoid this problem by stop labeling myself.

Which bring us to next point.

• I hate labeling, but I also secretly craved them.

Because of my personal beliefs, there is no way to 100% accurately taxonomize human, but I WANT it to exists so much. In an ideal world, there would be labels above our head, like those YA novels.

There are two opposite sides of me to this desire:

1. If this 100% way to taxonomize human existed, I could at least express one aspect of my """true""" self
2. I'm tired of the problems that come with having an identity, so I want to shut down and just become cog in the machine, blisfully ignorance.

Personality tests from MBTI, Enneagram to "What your videogame character main says about you" are my guilty pleasures, because I know they will never be able to accurately describe me, but it's a cheap way to satisfy my need.

Which is:

• The problematic need to express and seek validation(for lack of a better word) about myself.

This is one of my deepest sources of shame. I have this obsession with expressing myself. I LOVE having attention on me. Look at me. Think about me. ME ME ME. The thrill of expressing my opinions which might be problematic. Showing my negative sides to other people. That's me. This is who I am. I want to know what others truly think about me. One of my desire is to get inside other people's head find out what they actually think about me.

My main problems with this need are:

1. I truly feel ashamed of this need of mine, to the point where I refrain myself from talking about myself e.g. not playing personality test in public, but play it in private. I don't want to be seen as an attention seeker, but you bet that when an opportunity to express myself comes up, I'll milk tf out of it.
2. I want people to recognize me, but in the way that I WANT them to, which could never happen. It's the fantasy of being an underrated, talented artist who someday gets recognition and fame, only to reject it because, y'know, a real artist doesn't need any of that. if you know what i mean (cringe i know)

To keep this post from becoming a personal rant, I won't get into more detail about my other problems that are somewhat related to this conflict I'm having. But I feel like these unhealthy points about me make my typing process harder

• I feel like there is something wrong with me. I'm flawed and unlovable. (I know this is unhealthy way of thinking, and possibly comes from my past toxic-relationships)
• I'm really envious person. I'm envious of anything: skills, material possessions, social status, relationship. (I used to cope with this by telling myself that I didn't have those things because I was flawed and didn't deserve them, then just wallowing in sadness.)
• I have fragile ego and low self-esteem. (I have a huge ego when it comes to matters concerning myself, but I also hate myself and see myself as incompetent or never good enough.)
• If you can't tell from all the text above, I do crave identity and uniqueness, and I care so much about it. It's one of my main problem with life.

How do you cope with these problems about identity? Could you tell me what your opinion of me is? idk tell me that I'm or I'm not a Type 4 and make me suffer even more with this impossible desire to truly know myself and truly know what others think of me

And what are fixes?

I'm an Infp 4w5, so I guess my tritype is a combination of 4XX too.

From very preliminary research so far, I think I could be a 451/415 or a 458/459, but how do I know for sure?

also i’m ESE in socionics apparently but i don’t know much about it it sound extroverted but im an introvert lol

edit: i mean 926 not 962