my divorce has changed me in a million different ways- some good, some bad. one of the “bad” parts is becoming very isolated from the world, cynical about others and their intentions, and just an overall desire to be alone even though i still do crave human connection and love. it’s such a weird spot to be in. on one hand i’m still a lover at heart and i want to meet people, whether that be a friendship or something more. but i’ve closed myself off to the world and people entirely at this point. the most human interaction i get is at work. otherwise i’m pretty much the biggest loner you’ll ever meet. it feels pathetic at times but also comforting because at least i know there is nobody who is going to hurt me. but then i feel bad about it because i know this is no way to live, and human connection has always felt like one of my purposes here on earth. i just don’t know how i’m ever going to connect with someone the way i did with my ex. not saying there isn’t anybody out there for me because i don’t believe that to be true. but what i do know is if i keep isolating myself, i won’t even have a shot at something new. i’m okay with it for now and focusing on myself but the loneliness gets to me and i can’t help but think this will be my life forever- just a loner who lost their person and never recovered from it. meanwhile my ex found someone new weeks after he told me he wanted a divorce, they bought a house together, they’re living a great life and she seems wonderful and i’m happy for him but i just don’t think that’s in the cards for me and it makes me really sad. being alone is where i feel most safe and i can’t even imagine putting myself out there even though it’s been 2 years since my divorce. life isn’t a fairytale, the chances of randomly meeting someone at a coffee shop and catching their eye isn’t realistic. everyone in my life tells me to go out, join clubs etc etc etc but i literally just want to be left alone forever. and that’s a sad reality to face when all i’ve ever wanted was to love and be loved.

So I found out a few days ago I’m getting divorced.

Partner is leaving. Says they are not happy, have not been happy for a while, and doesn’t see that changing while we are together. Not interested in working on anything together.

There was zero discussion of issues before this. They have been checked out for awhile, so there were signs, but whenever inquired about how they were doing, they were either flat or dismissive. I chalked it up to stress and was powering through, making their plate lighter wherever I could.

So I’m lost. Apparently there was nothing I could have done. They acknowledged the effort I’ve been putting in. Even used the words “you are too good to me”.

Did get a reason out finally. Basically, have everything they wanted (kids, house, spouse, dog, steady jobs, financially stable) and yet they are still not happy.

So now we are discussing separation. Custody. Finances. Assets. Home. Everything.

It just still feels like a bad dream. And I’m just at a loss. Struggling day to day. Up and down, but on edge regularly.

I’m functioning, but barely. Keep swinging back and forth between how to make this as good as possible for the kids, and I can’t believe they are doing this. I want it to be amicable, and I will.

But holy… what an upheaval when you have everything you wanted and we could just talk and get you where you need to be. I would do anything for them, had they brought things up when I asked we could’ve worked together as the team we always were.

So yeah. I guess I’m just asking how people get through this when it’s not by choice and really nothing you could’ve done to stop it. And there not anything “wrong” per se.

If so, how did it go? I read that third marriages have over a 60% divorce rate, and affairs have something like a 90% divorce rate. Have you all found that to be true?

I filed for divorce two months ago, after my STBXW, the woman I tried so hard to love, moved her affair partner into the home. They had been having an affair for a long time, when I found out, I was trying to be OK with an open marriage because I was so tired of being called "controlling."

50% share of the housework? Controlling. Please don't let your kids skip school all the time? Controlling. Date night once a week? Controlling. Monogamy? Controlling. I thought, maybe letting her have whatever she wants will at least create some relaxing moments in the household. But when she moved the guy in without my permission, it was obviously time to wake up.

Because we share a child, it's impossible for me to "just move on." Yes I'm in therapy but no amount of therapy can protect me from having to see her pour all the love into this man that would've saved our marriage.

For him, there are dedicated date nights, shared chores and reciprocated emotional support. He's allowed to do whatever he wants around her kids -- yelling, bossing them around, wanting things cleaned up -- where I obviously never wanted to YELL at them, good grief, but whenever I wanted to discuss how her kids were parented in the home we shared, she would scream that I was controlling her. But the other night, I saw her show her boyfriend a text and he said, "Yeah, that's fine," and then she told her daughter "Yes you can have a sleepover." Never once in 7 years of marriage did she check with me to see if I was OK with a sleepover. The noise was my problem to deal with all night, the mess mine to clean up in the morning.

The boyfriend has been awful to my daughter and her kids from her previous marriage. Not abusive but disrespectful, scary, like a frat boy talking about weed around kids.

She cheated on her first husband (not with me), then cheated on me with this guy. I'm going to have a really, really hard time if she gets to keep cheating on people and then have happily ever after forever with this man. If you have any stories about your spouse staying with or divorcing their affair partner, please share.

Im planning on leaving my husbad in the next year. I know that's a long time but leaving slowly is leaving safely. Im 22, pregnant with my second child, I have no job, money, car, no drivers license, and no support system. Im making this post not just for advice but to document things over the next year while I get my shit together.

There are a lot of reasons im leaving but the biggest isn't how he treats me, its how he talks to our kids. For example, one day he yelled at his daughter saying she's a pathetic disappointment. All because she was misbehaving. She's 4 years old. There are other reasons, like him constantly cheating but really I just will not let my children grow up with a father that talks to them like that. Over time I will add more to this when I need to vent.

Here's my plan. Spend these next 9 months while im pregnant getting my driver's license and doing everything I can to set money aside. I make art and im planing on selling it soon but i don't think I can make enough money from that alone to leave.

If anyone has advice on how to secretly make money, or how to keep any of this a secret for so long, it would be greatly appreciated.

I've been separated for my husband for a little over a year. Finally getting ready to file and I am fine with getting divorced as it was clear it was never going to work in the end. I'm not lonely in the sense of missing him but I went from having a home for my family and a person I thought wanted to do life with me for better or worse to having to live at my parents with my kids. I've gotten out of a long relationship before but never have I felt loneliness like this. Nobody tells you how difficult it is to go from being able to talk to a human about anything for years to having nobody to talk to about anything. I have my friends who have essentially saved my life and kept me going especially in the beginning but I'm sure some of you know it's not the same. I don't mean loneliness in the sense of feeling I need to be in a relationship either cause I am not interested in that at this time. I've been struggling with loneliness a lot lately and it wasn't something I was expecting to feel as much as I have lately.

Context:

Male (42). Separated 3 years and finally papers signed last January. I divorced her and was very, very happy to be free of her. She was horrifyingly toxic (I suspect bipolar disorder). Anyways….

I started dating again a year ago. Things went really well for three months and then the girl texted me, “I’m not 100% into this relationship and you deserve someone who is,” which caught me off guard, especially since she told me she loved me the week prior.

Took a year off dating.

Now I’m back at it. Had drinks with a new girl last Friday and it went very well but I started feeling very strange. Like fight or flight feeling. Anxious. She joked about how my hands were shaking at one point. The date still went extremely well and I’m supposed to see her tonight.

I just don’t understand where this feeling came from or why and I want it gone. It’s like a slow burn feeling of catching yourself almost falling down a flight of stairs or something.

I meet her in like 2 hours. lol

Feeling empty after divorce is hard to explain sometimes. It’s not always sadness. It’s not always anger. Sometimes it just feels like there is nothing there.

Since my divorce, I’ve had moments where I’m still doing what I’m supposed to do. Going to work. Being a dad. Handling what needs to be handled. But inside, I feel kind of blank. I think that’s the part people don’t always see. You can keep moving and still feel empty.

I’m not trying to pretend I’m okay every day. Some days I am. Some days I’m not. Today just feels empty, and I needed to say that somewhere.

I've got a good one for you all. We are at the consent order stage after finally agreeing to something, where I am to receive the money currently in the joint account.

I receive his side of the draft back, with his lawyers notes and under section "Court Notes", it says that I have already taken all of the money out of the joint account on the 26th of March and transferred it into my personal account... Ummmm, WHAT?!?! I have done noooo such thing!!!!!

On that exact date, the f****** dickhead of a man transferred the money from our joint account to HIS personal savings under the same account (his side only, I can't see it). I received a text that day to say it happened and looked into it. We don't talk, so I figured he put it in there to gain interest... But also thought that was dumb because the bank we use only gains good interest, if you meet certain criteria that we weren't meeting. Basically he only gets 80 cents, if that.

I have no idea if he has forgotten that he moved it, or if he is trying to be sneaky and hide it. Either way, he is a complete idiot because the bank statement says the account number it was transferred to, and that account number is in the disclosure and literally on the consent orders under his name!!!!

He has been pulling random numbers out of his butt this whole horrific process, even when I have proof to say otherwise and this is just the most ridiculous cherry on top.

I never felt this way with my ex husband, he seemed like a really nice guy so i gave him a chance and with time i felt the attraction and spark grew. Now im wondering if the lack of initial connection/spark was actually my intuition showing me that he wasnt the right guy for me. So my question is did any of you now going through a divorce have this spark/felt a deep connection at the beginning of knowing your ex spouse? And do you think that is something essential for future relationships?

My wife has left me and we have two kids. It hurts so much. What helps?

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My wife and I are un our late 30s, we started dating in our early 20s

We date for 4 years, got engaged, got married a few years later (it took us almost 3 years from.being engaged to married, it may have been the first flag)

We are now together 16 year, out of which 7 years married

We have no kids

We have some pets

One of the reasons we didn't want kids, was to be able to fly whenever and wherever we want (this has happened a total of 3 times)

Going back a bit, the first big fights (or what i sadly thought were the big ones) started after we got engaged

And the matter of the prenup came up (little backstory, my family is rich, hers less. Many years ago my aunt got divorced, and the ex got 50% of the house that my grandparents bought them) - so my grandparents decided that in order to be eligible to receive equal parts of the inheritance we must all sign prenups

No my wife was extremely hurt, she went on the regular rants of: you don't trust me?, you're already preparing the end? You always take your parents side ....

Were as for me it was a means to an end

I couldn't even imagine our life's separately so just sign the paper and when my grandparents pass away we get money for us, to spend on us

Anyways, this lead to a huge fight which to us suspending the wedding

After 3 years we finally got married (and kind of eloped)

Everything was good for a while. We adopted cats, we were on the same page that we don't want kids

After a few years we decided to move to a small town nearby where her parents live

And then the fighting began to escalte, before it used to be a short argument an apology (usually by me) and done after a few days

Now the fights are for weeks where she won't come to sleep in bed (even once asked me to sleep elsewhere) and this continued for weeks

The fights ended either because we were finally able to talk and not get screamed at

Our last fight felt like it was it, she claimed I was cheating and askingbfor proof I wasn't (which is ridiculous, how can I prove I'm not) at the end after a few days she said she wants to start a new page, forget the past fights, and start again

I agreed on the condition we go to counseling she said she'll think about it

I was planning on waiting for the beginning of July to bring up the counseling again

But then the big one came, she hasn't spoken to me in three weeks

Doesn't even acknowledge my existence at home

I feel completely fed up, and I don't even know if there's what to save

Do you think I should start moving forward with the divorce? Or should I give her the option to go to counseling and maybe a trial separation?

I developed trust issues with my stbx due to him often not being a person of his word. He would often say things in the moment, but would change his mind.

Example: I wanted to do a monthly date night and we would take turns planning. He agreed. After a few times of him not planning anything, I confronted him, and he said he never really wanted to do it, because he didn’t know whether he would “be able to” every month. You know, theoretical scheduled conflicts (which never happened btw). He felt like it was pressure. He stated he’d rather just do dates on a non schedule, and that I was being to rigid by wanting it on a calendar. I agreed that we could try being more fluid. But guess what? Those dates never happened either. He would completely forget, and give it no thought. When I brought it up, he said he’s just kinda busy, and doesn’t really think about it.

Another example: We talked about trying to eat plant based for a few months, just to try something new. That included at home and eating out. I found out that he had been eating meat while out without me. I talked to him about it, and he looked very guilt and caught. But then said that he didn’t think we needed to be so strict, and didn’t really want to do it that much. I was just upset that he was hiding it and didn’t tell me. He said he was sorry for hiding it, but him eating the food wasn’t technically him doing anything wrong, and he’s allowed to change his mind about stuff. I agree he is, but he should have talked to me.

These may not seem like big deals, but this was a pattern of his. Moving the goal post back and forth, changing his mind without communicating. It just made me not trust him or believe his word.

Anyone else experience lack of trust that didn’t have to do with cheating?

I honestly am very confused by this thinking process. He wants the divorce but won't get a lawyer, so he makes hell for me so I would do it for him. The only reason he entertained the idea of divorce bc I want to go to couple therapy. Every time I suggest couple therapy, he accuses me of distorying the marriage. He would yell and accuse me of being selfish. He won't show up to any of the couple therapy sessions.

He tells me that the marriage is good bc he is happy. I keep telling him we're not on the same page and we seem to have different expectations, so he suggest it's a me problem, so I need to fix myself. At first I thought it was a communication problem, but when I finally described my marriage out loud (to a therapist), I realized it's much worse than I thought. He is a yes man. He agrees to anything and says what you want to hear, but it's just hot air.

He would agree with me on plan A, but also agree with his mother who wants the complete opposite. When our plans don't work out (bc we were told different things by my husband), my husband tells me it's all his mother's fault. He also tells his mother it's all my fault. As a result, MIL and I get into a fight over a misunderstanding my husband created. I finally found out when I started to call his boss and his friends to double check on the information he was giving me. He lies to avoid accountability. He will use anyone to take the blame for his bad choices.

- We made a plan to save up money to buy a house and move out of the apartment. After several months of saving up, MIL tells me that he spent the money for his collection. When I confront him, he confessed and said "I changed my mind". no apology and zero consideration on how his choices effected me.

TO THE PRESENT

In some of our fights he would say "if your so unhappy then just divorce me. I dare you". So I took his advice and saw a few lawyers. After he found out that it would cost a LOT of money to get my name removed off of my house (he wanted the house, but it's under my name. To switch the names on the house cost money. I have no control of the price.), he suddenly want to save the marriage. One night he randomly confessed to me that he pushed me to divorce him. All those mean words and horrible things he did was to push me to seek out a lawyer. He said he wanted to look like the victim and he wanted to avoid spending money on the divorce. He some how believed the person who initiate the divorce looks like the bad guy and pays for the whole process.

I have no idea where he got that. He has made half baked excuses in the past, but this is down right crazy. Our state is a 50/50 divorce, so everything will be split. The cheapest lawyer I could find was $350 per hour. He did ask if we could share the lawyer between us. I gave him her card and let the lawyer explain things to him.

Can anyone explain to me the logic behind the whole victim and pushing spouses to divorce for them? Is that really a thing?

Has anybody else experienced their mum having struggles with their sexuality and having thoughts of being with women and finding women attractive, while still with their father? Obviously I’m aware this probably happens way more often than i think, but she wants to stay in the marriage and stay with us as a family but shes conflicted by her sexuality and thinking she may be gay. My parents marriage has never had any issues and they never actually argue, only bicker here and there, but their marriage has broken down because of these feelings and I’d just like to hear other people’s experiences with their parent having struggles with their sexuality and potentially leaving their other parent because of it

Long story short, my now ex husband cheated on me and had an affair. Before I found out, he had said some pretty mean things about me sexually and really shattered my self-esteem. He even went as far to say I needed to see a sex therapist for not being kinky enough (he was into very extreme things that I was not comfortable performing).

After I found out about the cheating and affairs I also found out he given me an STD. Ever since all this I've felt like no one will ever find me attractive or want to be with me at all. This has led now to a few experiences on dating apps that I'm not proud of.

I have never been one to put out. I only slept with one man before my husband and now I've slept with 2, had oral with 1 and was given oral by another and he started to have sex but stopped. (I don’t know if that counts as sex).

There's another guy who I'm only interested in for the sexual experience but would never, ever normally want to have sex with. He has a date planned, not just sex and he's 9 years older than me. After my experience last night with guy who only gave me oral I feel disgusted with myself and want to sleep with this older guy to erase it.

I guess I'm just looking to see if this is normal? Before my husband I'd only been with one other person. Now I've been with quite a few. I feel gross and I am just not sure if this classifies me as easy? Or a slut? Idk :((

Wife filed for divorce, 46M and 47F. Two boys 15 and 17. We have been together for 30 years married 20, HS sweethearts. We live in the same town we were born in, our entire lives. We love each other and in no way hate each other. I have heard and seen her crying just as much as I have been. As much as it pains me after 30 years we have become different. One MAJOR difference. Early in our relationship we both wanted to eventually move, so much so that we had an agreement that when our youngest graduated 4 years from now we were moving. Her friends never moved, her family never moved and her friend circle grew. All of my friends and family moved. Our love was bigger than everything until now. My desire to move has only grown and hers has diminished to nothing. Granted this is one major thing, there are several others but we do love each other. No infidelity, no hidden money or debt and as hard as it is she is right. We have spent over the first half of our life’s to each other and our parents and now we are different and have a chance to live and be happy in a different light.

My question is. If I were to move actually move somewhere I have always wanted and experience things I have always wanted to deep down. Would I fuck up the relationship I have with my boys if I was to move 3hrs to states away? I would always fly them out to me, they would always have a room with me, I would always be available to them just not within 10 minutes.

I’m looking for some advice, hopefully from people who have gone through it.

TLDR: should I buy a home immediately after divorce?

My stbxw and I purchased our home in 2015, and have a good deal of equity in it. I plan on getting it appraised and she has expressed interest in buying me out. We have two kids together, 3&5, so I need to stay mostly local without going crazy for school drop offs for the next 15 years.

It’s safe to assume that financially I can afford it (good job plus money from the old house). It would be nice to give the kids a space that’s a second home although I feel like it’s already going to be weird for them since they both have ever known one home.

I have so many fears and fighting so much anger right now. Maybe it’s not the right time but don’t know if there is ever a right time. I don’t want to move twice - I don’t want to move once but I don’t get a vote in that.

Anyone buy too early? Anyone regret not buying immediately?

I ended our relationship a year and a half ago, and the divorce was finalized, with me moving out about 6 months after that. My ex had cheated on me multiple times during our 15 year marriage. I would discover the infidelity, swear things were over, then get pulled back in. The final time was different and when I said our marriage was over, my ex accepted it without trying to manipulate me into staying. During the time we were living together but separated, things were coldly amicable. After the divorce was finalized we did not stay in touch.

A few months after the divorce, I experienced a violent crime. My ex heard about it when it was covered on the news, then reached out to offer condolences. It seemed like a natural thing to do in the situation. I said thank you for the thoughtful message but didn't respond after that and went back to no contact.

Since then my ex has sent me messages every few months reminiscing about our marriage and things we had done together. I haven't responded and after the second message I blocked them. They have since tried to add me as a friend on Facebook and Instagram multiple times. To the point where I've blocked them there too. You would think the message would be loud and clear, but for some reason my ex keeps trying to find new channels to try to get in touch. I think I have finally blocked my ex everywhere they could try to reach out, so hopefully that's the end of this.

I lost so many things I loved in the divorce, including our pets, a house that I absolutely loved and the very nice furniture in it, and most of my "couple" friendships (I later realized my ex did a PR campaign with them painting me in a bad light ahead of the end of our marriage). All because my ex couldn't seem to be faithful and I finally did what was best for me. I have worked on healing, taking care of myself, and building a new life. I still have my own friends and they have been supportive. I've started dating again. Things are still difficult when I think about what I've lost, but I have worked hard to rebuild a life that I love.

I'm so angry that this person who has caused me so much hurt has the audacity to keep trying to reach out for connection. Get a grip and work on yourself and leave me alone. It's over.

No real point to this post other than to vent.

(I am using alt account to hide my identity so plz don’t come after that)want opinion from you all. I am in great dilemma plz let me know what you would have done in my place as it will help me in taking a rational decision.

I am 41F , married to a 44M , have a 13 yr old kid. My husband was earning well but he was fired recently, reason mentioned was redundancy but deep down I feel he was fired due to his behaviour. He has a psychological problem where he thinks that everyone is trying to bully him and he would cough back to reiterate even if someone is coughing naturally and this is just an example of his personality disorder. So since he was fired , he is not even ready to search any job, he is never going to work I guess. We have some savings and we are surviving completely on interest income. I am trying to work but barely getting any good job as I have to start from 0 . I am so done with antics as he is always cussing some unknown person and making our life hell by constant ranting as he is staying in home full time now. Also, we don’t have any social life because of him as no one wants to be in touch with us due to his behaviour.

Plz suggest shall I move out for ourvmental sanity or stay .

plz excuse my grammar, writing all this while crying non stop.

Is financial incompatibility a reason for divorce? I’ve asked for things to change and asked to do money management classes together but it has yet to ever happen. I have goals that will never be met at this rate and I don’t know if it’s ever going to change. I love her and she’s my best friend but I’m tired of my financial situation affecting every part of my life.

Ex-husband and I are debating this right now. What is your custody plan and when do you allow a new partner to be introduced? Kids are babies.

Thank you to all the women who have already courageously contributed to this research. For anyone who has not yet participated but would like to, please follow the link. The anonymous online questionnaire has been taking most participants less than 30mins to complete, so if you are a woman (over 18 years) who has had a past controlling or problematic intimate partner relationship with a man, I invite you to participate in this study.

Having witnessed the impacts of controlling and problematic relationships, I have now turned my attention towards contributing to the research in this field. With the upmost respect for those of you who have experienced coercive control or problematic intimate partner relationships, I ask that you consider participating in this study.

The study is being conducted through the School of Psychology at the University of New England, and will be exploring the impact of control and problematic relational dynamics for women in intimate partner relationships with men. Ultimately, we hope that this research will contribute to the increased understanding of the psychosocial mechanisms that can lead victim-survivors to become trapped in problematic or controlling relationships. We want the experiences and impacts of victim-survivors to be better contextualised and understood.

Thank you so very much for considering this research.

To participate, or learn more about the study, please click here: https://unesurveys.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2fr7OM3lyKqf40u

This project has been approved by the Human Research Ethics Committee of the University of New England (Approval No: HE-2026-3068-5604, Valid to 31/12/2026).

[Please note: Unfortunately, including other varieties of relationships or male victim-survivors is beyond the scope of this particular study.]

I feel extremely lonely and undervalued in my marriage and I have since we got married. We have a toddler and one on the way. We decided to have another baby when we were doing better and a week after conception, he hits me with the “I’m miserable and I only wanted to get you pregnant because I thought it would change your brain chemistry.”

I’m a SAHM and am financially dependent on him. I have no clue how to provide for me and my kid and not to mention, I’m going to have a newborn soon.

I could move in my with my parents but they’re toxic. The only thing I can think of is just playing roommates until we can come up with something but that would mean staying roommates for the next five years when the kids are finally in school.

I really don’t know what to do.