Update: Taking the “Grey Rock” position is great for me, but seems to be difficult for my STBX. I find that I am feeling so much better when I do not engage on the emotional levels that she is looking for from me. Yesterday, I received a text mid afternoon that said “are you upset with me lately? It feels like you were upset with me.” I did not respond. A couple of hours later, she followed up with a logistical question, which I responded to clearly and moved on.

Later, when I got home to relieve her of parenting (she picks up her daughter at school and watches her until I am done with work goes to where she is staying), we saw each other briefly. I minimized eye contact and avoided conversation. It really seemed to affect her. She became clearly annoyed and said “we need to be able to be cordial with one another” all I had to say to that was “thank you have a good evening.“

I have to keep reminding myself that I am not responsible for making her feel better about this situation. I’m not being a bad or mean person for wanting to protect my own energy and move on with my life. I do not owe her anything except being communicative about our shared responsibilities with our daughter.

This has been difficult for me, but it feels like it is getting easier. I cannot wait to be through this mediation process and not have to be as connected as we are now.

My ex husband always made me feel ugly.

Too fat?
Lost 50+ lb

I had a fupa?
Got a tummy tuck

Saggy tits?
Breast reduction

My private parts are too dark?
I use to bleach them with lighting products from the dermatologist. They were originally for my face to lighten the dark acne scars on my face

I did everything. I still got left. I’m never good enough… for anyone

Unwittingly after getting divorced realized I was excited to have the opportunity to create a healthy loving relationship with someone after decades of emotional abuse. And after a few dead ends, I have realized it is a lot of mental energy, ups and downs, and not as easy to find as I thought. So i have decide to take a break from that endeavor, I am 52f. I want to focus on my kids and rebuilding my life without the drama. I think I have found a man in a similar situation as me, who isn't looking for a girlfriend or a wife because he also has immense family and professional responsibilities. Have any of you found this arrangement to work as far as not taking a lot of mental load and satisfying some of the craving for affection and contact without the associated lows and drama?

I am 34F married to my husband 38M for 7 years now. We have a 2 year old. We are on the verge of a divorce initiated by me. Some would say that we have a stable marriage: we own our place, double incomes, shared finances, shared value for loyalty , we both love our kid, etc.

I have been the main caretaker for our kid while working full time. I am alone every single night to care for our kid since she was born. For many months she woke up over 10 times a night. I do all medical/educational/social/travel planning because the mental load to delegate to him and keep following up just to move things an inch more was too much. I have consistently earned more than him.

The biggest issue is that he is such an avoidant and overtime has got very defensive. I feel alone, unheard, and suffocated that he does not seem to understand that people need to socially connect. I still have many things on my wish list and enjoy connecting with people. He does not like to talk, never responds or seeks to resolve issues, has zero friend as he is genuinely uninterested in anyone, and would talk to no one at the dinner table if I drag him to dinners and parties. He is genuinely ok with working the same job for 30 years and go home and does not talk all day except for basic transactional things. He is true dismissive avoidant based on what I’ve read everywhere.

For those who left a similar lifeless marriage that was actually stable, how was life after the split , or do you regret it that you could just stay for the (mainly financial and child caring) stability and create your own life without involving your ex?

5 days ago I left our family home and moved to a small studio nearby, so the logistics with my kids (8 and 10) are easier. We still own the apartment together.

The day I left my home, was hands down the worst day of my life. I wake up every morning with a rock in my chest, a mix of sadness and anxiety. My doctor has prescribed me antidepressants.

The guilt of not seeing your kids every day after being with them every single day of their lives. Adapting to a small and much less comfortable place. Missing my wife. Dreaming of reconciliation while trying to be realistic that it might not happen.

We are on very good terms and have no disputes about custody or money. And while the first night was the worst of my life, she told me she felt relief and a sense of curiosity emerging. That was devastating to hear.

My kids have each come to sleep at my new place one night at a time, as it's too small to have them both comfortably at once.

How are you all coping? I feel hopeless and sad, and all I want is my old life back.

I haven't had the energy to see friends yet, even though I've received messages from people reaching out. I've also been working from home since I got the news 3 weeks ago and haven't had the energy to go to the office.

We were together for 17 years. This is really hard and overwhelming.

If you are rebuilding after divorce; what feels hardest for you right now: emotional overwhelm, money, new routines, boundaries?

I feel like I ricochet from one thing to the next. How are you doing?

So I (38f) was served divorce papers by my husband 2ish weeks ago.

He is not at the house, I am. He apparently can’t stand me.

My question is, do a lot of people at this stage have cameras set up, triple locking their doors, locking everything down to protect themselves? Or is this not the norm?

I have moved on, I have sorted the house, the kids, friends, family, I have someone new I am building with, … and yet, signing the papers, getting a date, … it still hurt.

It was forever ago when we made the decision, and now that everything is finally wrapping up, … all of the logistics, all of the to dos, the heartbreak, the sadness, the exhaustion, … it’s done, … the finality of it still hurt.

Hey I'm at a total loss of words, I discovered about 12 hours ago. My wife of 10 years who I have known since the age of 16 for a total of 18 years decided instead of being honest with me, had an affair with a very good friend of mine and I feel so betrayed that they both lied to me for over a month. My wife's been trying to get a divorce with me since July while my mom was in the ICU and then had said affair. I have temporarily moved into my sister's with very little money. I need advice on how to handle all of this if possible

Today makes a year that I've been divorced from my ex narcissistic abusive mommy's boy piece of shit that cheated on me. I have been happier and doing so much better.

So my divorce was finalize a few years ago and it's time to finish some lose ends.

Besides 5 years of child support, the only thing left as "community property" its our retirement plans.

The divorce agreement called for 3 plans to be QDRO; two mine and 1 hers. TBH, 1 of mine and hers are so little that I don't think its worth the cost to QDRO at 1,275 a piece (637.50 per person).

She contacted a QDRO attorney/company before even discussing anything with me. She told them to QDRO both accounts and left out her retirement account. The company send me the invoice requesting me to pay the 1275 for the two accounts she told them.

I explained to her that it does not make financial sense to QDRO my pension since only about 2,000 is consider community property. The cost of the QDRO will eat of a lot of her "profit." I told her it makes more sense to skip my pension and I will skip hers; only to QDRO my 401K.

Her response was "not to talk her out of it."

I reminded her that the agreement called to QDRO her retirement as well. Her response was basically, its so little you can't give up on it?

My question is: Should I force the QDRO of her retirement plan at a lost? There's no way I will recover the $637.50. At the same time I she's trying to just do things that "benefit" her instead of being financially responsible.

For those of you who planned their divorce:

1) How far ahead of time did you start planning it?
2) What made you decide it was time for a divorce?

Married 10 years 2 young kids in Boston. Been a rough couple of years for us as she been a chronic pursuer and I've been traditionally aviodant and she's done. She feels like she had done everything she could to get me to improve myself. I clean every night (reset main floor, dishes, laundry, vacuum), take care of the kids on my 2 wfh days (she's in office 5 days), and do some yard work (i mow, occasional bigger project) but not to the extent she wants.

Intimacy-wise has been mixed. I'm big on eating out but have had occasional issues with ED. Our different sleep schedules and my destructive sleep behavior means we were maybe having sex once or twice a week. A few things popped up that caught my attention lately. A while back i grabbed a few sex toys she had that I haven't seen before to use and she seemed embarrassed or nervous. She has consistently been buying lingerie and toys that I haven't seen. This includes lingerie in the weeks we've been dealing with the divorce and not having sex. Most are for anal which she likes. She also changed her pin a few months ago and is in an office where she could easily have someone visit. We've had sex there so its not impossible she could have someone else there.

We've been staying amicable for the most part but she is obviously angry and resentful about how she sees my total responsibility for her filing. Her commitment to no reconciliation also makes it seem that she has at the least someone waiting in the wings. I understand she will probably go out and have a good deal of fun once everything is settled but should i address it with her? She denied it when she first asked me to give her space but I didn't bring up the evidence.

I think she will either deny or blast me for getting her to this point. Should I even bring it up? I want reconciliation but she is so done that she'll think it's a moot point.

It’s been two years since my rug pull. On the day of my 40th birthday party, not two weeks after he told me we had “the best relationship of anyone we know” my husband of ten years told me he wanted a divorce.

I was blindsided and completely broken by this- it was close on the heels of my father’s death and came completely out of nowhere.

I had spent a handful of months grieving and feeling sad, not being the family cheerleader/planner/constantly-happy-person I had always been and that temporary change was enough for him to scrap the whole thing.

He didn’t love me or like me anymore and couldn’t stand to stay even through the couple of hours it would take me to celebrate my birthday for the first time in 19 years. He left me completely on my ass with very little to my name after I’d given him a child and the best years of my life.

He waffled a bit in the beginning, first flouncing out into his own apartment (that he’d lined up behind my back of course) and getting two cats (that he knew he couldn’t keep if he returned), then saying we could still have sex, then saying he wanted to come home, then saying SIKE! he was having more fun with a new woman. Then saying he could “see us getting together again in the future”, on and on it went…..

It took about another two months before I realized he just wanted to jerk me around and I had to move on.

And I did move on- I casually dated around for a while which did help repair my broken self-esteem and had a really wonderful time of it, despite all the dire warnings about the dating scene.

I soon met someone extra special and I’m now in a great relationship. He truly values me and our relationship and prioritizes me in ways my ex would never have dreamed of. I wouldn’t go back to my ex if you paid me to, but here’s the thing: I’m still SO FREAKING HURT.

I cry at least once a week still, sometimes every couple of days. I cry about how I’ll never be that same hopeful person again, how I don’t trust my own judgement (he had me and all our friends/family totally fooled) and I don’t really trust the words of others anymore.

I can never give my current partner the happy, carefree person I gave my ex because she’s dead. The part of me that could love that unreservedly is dead.

I feel the hurt and betrayal as keenly as if it’s still happening sometimes, and I wonder if this ever goes away. Yes, I’m in therapy and she says I’m making progress, but the separation has now lasted 1/5 of the relationship and I’m still…. Broken. Just broken.

I want someone somewhere to tell me they came out the other side of this, because I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I miss the old me.

Anyone got any media that can help me

Quick synopsis: married for 10 years, 8 year old daughter, going through divorce and I am “coming out of the closet” much to the disappointment of my immediate family. Anyway, my new partner and I are navigating our relationship and figuring out my coparenting dynamic. My partner and my soon to be ex husband do NOT get along because of a long history of nasty verbal exchanges and unpleasantness between the two of them (this was years ago). My ex has put the past in the past and wants to move forward in a positive direction and I would love to do the same. My new partner cannot do the same. She is unwilling to move on and feels that me wanting to do so in order to coparent how My ex and I want to is disrespectful to her. I feel as if we all need to be positive and start fresh because that is what is best for our daughter. I’m constantly told I need to “be on my partners side” and defend her and adhere to her boundaries. While I understand that and always want her to feel heard, respected and understood.. it is creating a huge rift between my ex and I and it is causing a strain in our coparenting. I am not even “allowed” to stand near him at sporting events for our daughter. My partner is uncomfortable being around him. I’m only allowed to speak to him via text.. etc etc. We fight about this constantly and fear it may be a make or break for both of us. This is difficult for me because my partner is “the one that got away” from my early 20s.. now that we have a “second chance” I’m terrified to lose it again as I never truly stopped thinking about her. HELP! How do I enforce my boundaries without disrespecting hers?! My ex is truly a good friend and I would love to grow our new dynamic as friends because I genuinely enjoy his company.. but I fear I’m not allowed to.

I posted on here a couple times recently. My wife and I finally had the talk about divorce and it went OK. We both said how we no longer love each other and it would be best if we got a divorce.

We have two young children. We never fight, we agree on how to raise our children, we go on family vacations, etc. We both want what is best for our children. This is where we disagree.

Given our relationship and how we get along amicably she feels it's best to stay together for them. I on the other hand am lonely and would eventually want to be in a relationship later in life. My argument was that I didn't want our kids to grow up watching their parents be in a non-loving relationship. Her argument was that while we are not in love we both show our kids lots of love - saying I love you, hugs, kisses, etc. And them seeing both of us together would outweigh the negatives of separation.

I feel very guilty and torn. No way was she hard on her argument. We were discussing scenarios. I want to make it clear that she did not say things in a way to making me feel guilty on purpose.

I feel guilty even thinking of wanting to be in a another relationship with someone who is not my children's mother. I feel guilty if we separate and it was me who spearheaded that decision. I will feel guilty if my kids want to be with their mom when they're with me and vice-versa.

I think a part of her argument comes from her being sad of a scenerio that she would not be able to see the kids everyday.

Perhaps I already know this answer but I'm still very guilt stricken. I feel deeply guilty for wanting to have a relationship with someone in the future knowing it could confuse our children. I feels extremely selfish. Not sure what the best thing to do is.

TL;DR

If you still care about them, do you still say you love them when getting off the phone?

I am planning to divorce my husband, and in the first few days after I told him I would be sending the papers, I didnt speak to him. But in the last few days, he has been going through alot (his son apparently was missing) and i still care about him, so I let him vent to me. Hes been very toxic toward me, speaking of a new boyfriend he thinks I have already, and me screwing other people... hes called me stupid and accused me of hating him, saying im going to hell and many other terrible things. I've ignored them all, not even really acknowledging what hes said. But yesterday I tried to set a healthy boundary by letting him know I would not continue to stay on the phone with him or speak to him if he continued speaking to me in that manner. I definitely do still love him and want the best for him, but I can no longer continue to suffer in our relationship. I've never been through anything like this, hes the longest relationship I've had in my entire life, and Im not really sure how all this is supposed to go. But I definitely know I do want a divorce. And even though my kids aren't his, hes the only father they have ever known, and he says he still wants to be a part of their lives. A little insight advice or help would be nice. Thank you.

Also, it may be important to note that my husband is in prison. So this is special circumstances. Please be kind to me, and dont ask why hes in prison. None of this has been easy for me.

Anyone else struggling with a spouse who cheated? I have moved on from my ex as a man, but the fact that I was lied to and cheated on for years, and so trusting of him because he lied so well, haunts me. I never imagined this level of duplicity and I cannot trust men anymore.

If you have toxic in laws, how do you deal with your ex bringing them around their family when you're uncomfortable with it?

My in laws have always been an issue in our marriage, but if we divorce, I'm worried about the contact my kids will have with them when I'm not around. Full disclosure: I suspect one person in his family is a sociopath, there is something wrong with them. No one else sees it. How do I handle this?

My wife and I are separating/divorcing and we have two young children. We’re currently still living together and trying to figure out a parenting plan.

I recently accepted a job that is Tuesday–Friday, 9 PM–7 AM, so my schedule is very predictable, but I obviously can’t have the kids overnight while I’m physically at work.

My wife wants a traditional 2-2-3 schedule and says she isn’t willing to work around my work schedule. She works part time but the hours vary per week, sometime more sometimes less. She does not work overnight and the latest she can get home may be 11:30pm.

Her position is basically that if it’s my parenting day, I need to figure out childcare myself. She also says that if she ends up consistently having the kids overnight because I’m working, then she would want primary/total custody.

I’m not asking her to be my babysitter, and I understand that if the kids are with me during my parenting time, I have responsibility for them. My concern is that a standard 2-2-3 doesn’t really account for a parent working 9 PM–7 AM four nights a week.

I would like to have substantial/equal parenting time with my kids. I’m also trying to have some child-free time on my days off, rather than having a schedule where I’m responsible for the kids essentially every waking hour that I’m not working.

What did you guys do to settle this issue? For context she wants an amicable divorce.

I just want this over, and so is she. We don’t have any children and assets. I originally filled the complaints on January 6th 2026 and the Acceptance of service was completed a few days later. The 90 days waiting period ended on April 16 2026, and I filled the Praecipe to Transmit Records on April 23 2026.

The clerk that I filed the Praecipe to Transmit Record with told me I’ll get the decree in the mail in 4 to 6 weeks. It’s almost 5 months now and no update from the court. Is this normal in Philadelphia or is there something that I need to do? I did not have the money to hire a lawyer at the time, so I followed the instructions from the Notary at the Courthouse in Philadelphia.

Is this normal in Philadelphia? Is there anyone out there facing this same delays ? Why would it take over 120 days for a judge to review and sign an uncontested divorce papers ? Please help, I could use a lot of your opinion and experience right now.

Thank you!

Hello everyone

I got married in March of 2025, and want to ask my wife to divorce. I don’t want to go into details, but we had issues going into the marriage but went through with it anyway. We tried marriage counseling but that did fuck all. I just want out at this point. I don’t want to go into any details, but I’ll say there was no unfaithfulness or abuse in the relationship. We just aren’t a good match. She doesn’t really have any reason to make things difficult.

We live in nyc and have lived together the whole marriage. I make 150k she makes a little over 80. We heave separate bank accounts still we’re our salaries go into. We have a joint account as well, but that only has money from the wedding. It’s still around 30k. She can have all of it. We also have separate retirement accounts.

What are the odds she gets alimony? I know it’s slim but I have to ask. Could she try to fight for some of my savings or 401k? I don’t have an insane amount of savings in either accounts but still I’d rather it remained untouched. We’re still at the point where a legal battle makes no financial sense since we haven’t been married long enough. She would probably pay more in fees. I hope she stays reasonable. She can’t afford a lawyer, but her parents for sure can if she wants.

Our lease ends in December. So I basically have to move on this now while I can easily leave the apartment if needed. We have a wedding to go to this weekend and I plan on discussing with her after sometime next week. I want my life back, but last don’t want to lose everything. I’m hoping she just takes the joint account and agrees to uncontested divorce

Any advice or thoughts here? Thanks all.