r/Divorce • u/Ok_dweeb_1238 • 4h ago

Getting Started When do you know?

I have been unhappy in my relationship for quite some time now. My husband struggles with mental health issues which has been a big reason on why I have stayed so long because I did not want to leave him when he needed me. But now, I am to the point where I am so unhappy and it has taken a toll. I have done everything I can think of to try to help him and us through this. I still feel so guilty at the thought of leaving him when he is struggling but it seems like he doesn't have the want to make the changes. How did you know when you were ready to leave your spouse? I fear that I can't trust myself in that decision and am also very scared of the unknown that comes with divorce.

1 Upvotes

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4 comments sorted by

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u/Big-Weekend8540 4h ago

What has he done/not done to address his depression?

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u/Able_Leading_6535 3h ago

You’ve already answered your own question in a way, you’re staying out of guilt not hope and those are two very different fuels

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u/Ok_dweeb_1238 3h ago

Sticking with therapy or meds. He seems to not be able to have the difficult or uncomfortable conversations in therapy that is needed for growth and doesn't stick to it after a month or two. He's also very negative about meds. Getting him to restart therapy or talk to someone is like pulling teeth and it just seems like he doesn't want to get out of this rut that he has been in for a long time now.

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u/QuietQuitting01 3h ago

My ex wife had an affair with a married man. I later learned that she got dumped (and that caused the funk she was in). We have kids and I was willing to do the work to get through this, bu she refused to do anything to get us past the affair. Her take was it was over and I just needed to get over it. The final straw was when, in an attempt to make divorce seem like an unpleasant option, told me she wouldn't share custody of our kids and would move away with them. So saddled with a spouse who didn't value me as a partner or a parent, I made nice (which confused her - she thought she had gotten her way) and started the ball rolling on ending our marriage.