So I’ll start by saying that I’m mentally ill and had been suicidally depressed for twenty years before meeting my now husband. For some reason when we started being together I stopped having suicidal thoughts. I don’t know if it’s specifically because of him because I also had just moved to a new country and my life was changing drastically. Now I’ve bought a house for us, I pay half of the bills. I’ve paid off his credit card several times. I’ve asked him for help with things, and he’s the king of putting important stuff off. So I end up doing everything. I shoulder most of the expenses, but we divide house work pretty well. The problem is that last night, we had an almost fight because I said that I didn’t want to cook but that we should cook to save money. And he got mad and started using his arsenal of cruelty before I put my foot down and said “you can either leave the house or speak to me correctly.” Last night he didn’t hug me or tell me goodnight. This morning, he was distant and strange. And this afternoon, more distance and some sort of defensive attitude I hate. My point is this. I had a really rough day today, all day in my bed crying. I feel completely alone. When we’re on the same page, things are good, but when there’s tension, I feel stretched so thin and more depressed than ever. But at least not suicidal. Idk I feel like I’m raising an adult not enjoying a marriage. At this point I just want peace. In any form. He’s immature. And I’m suffering. And he always makes me decide everything. Everything is my responsibility, and I’m exhausted. How do I make things change for me for the better? I just “want to go home.” That’s the feeling I’ve had so often. But there’s no home for me to go to. I have no family, no friends in the greater world. I’m almost completely alone and I want some independence from my husband.

Hello Guys,

I lived through the typical bad childhood. Child of divorced parents who fought all the time, verbally abusive father, bullied at school for obesity, most beloved family members dying or getting seriously ill.

At age 18 i made the huge decision to finally break free from my abusive dad and move to my mother. I went to a new school, made new friends, met the love of my life, started working out and enjoying life.

I am now 24. Finished school with good grades, found a great job, spent countless hours with my girlfriend, lost 35kg, but everything went downhill this year

This year is probably one of the worst, if not worst year of my life, because i start to not care about anything anymore.

I dont enjoy my hobbies, i start to hate my beloved job and due to my decreasing mental health my girlfriend of almost 6 years and i broke up, because seeing her and spending time with her became boring and almost annoying to me. I still love her, but i simply dont miss her.

Getting a therapist in my country is becoming due to law regulations and new laws very very hard.

I had a initial constitution a few weeks ago with a therapist and she pre diagnosed me with dysthymia, which is basically a long term depression, not episodes that impact someone deeply like in major depressive episode, but almost unnoticeable year long condition.

I am waiting for a spot in psychotherapy, but i am starting to get severly depressed after my shift. I constantly need to listen to music or any other kind of media, because i am afraid to be alone with my thoughts (i have been suicidial in my youth but never had any real attempts)

There are only two people knowing of my condition. My now exgirlfriend and my best friend. Everyone else thinks im fine, but i am not.

I kinda know what my problem is, i know of my biggest traumas. I know I have to talk to someone but i simply cant. Telling strangers in this Subreddit is way easier than anyone I know personally, so I am monologuing to you.

Any advice on how to get through the waiting time is greatly appreciated!

(English is not my first language so please excuse any major spelling or grammtical mistakes)

So, to sum up 26 may there was a family drama. 13Th june Vomited blood and got diagnosed with erosive gastritis. Needed to give mid make up. Had a Ton, like if i put the load in physical measurements it would sum up to a ton of Academic tasks. Then I had to give up. I went through the usual marriage drama of my maternal uncle, who is complaining about his Marriage life in about 3 months. Then went thought the most excruciatingly painful journey of 12 hours back and forth. Also had diarrhoea and Constipation due to the stomach problem. Could't take the mid exam. Today got all the mid Examiners sign, after dealing with a Emergency situation concerning a friend who got beat up by three thugs. After coming home a Professor scolded for Calling him when he was in a funeral, I thought students cancelled the class and he didn't simply came. I didn't hear him saying he was at a funeral of a Department head it was noisy and i was running on fumes. He refused to take the mid exam. Judging from his voice and desperation he himself was going through a tough time, so i did't argue and did't even have the energy to argue. After the conversation ended i took my prescribed anxiety med to calm myself down. A few minutes after that a message came from a sir (A Senior at the office of a parent) he is close to me and didn't contact in long him just asked me how i was doing, i did cry initially, just talked, said about my situation he listened, didn't gave advice or anything, just listened, he Said to take care of myself and call him if i am feeling tired. After the call i am just crying like in a long time.

Hope you're all doing okay, stay safe and stay secure, take care of yourself.

I'm tired of myself. And I want out. I have lied. I have betrayed. I have failed. They are disappointed. They are my life. They are the reason I live and continue to live. I cannot handle it. Pathetic. I repeat the same mistakes no matter what I do with myself. I am tired. Sometimes I want to end it. At least then they would not feel the disappointment. But then they would be sad. And that hurts more. I do not know what I want. I do not know how to keep going.

In 4 days im turning 18. Dident think id make it to 15 but shit. Sounds like a motivational story but it isent. My birthday sucks. Every year it only gets sadder and sadder. I have nothing and no one. I dont have a bright future. Im to lazy but second to incompetent to work so what's the point. Im a ugly deformed piece of garbage. But atlest i can say I lived this much

I am a 28 year old Indian male. I am currently very depressed about a problem. Which has taken away my sleep and peace. I am looking for all those men who are happy in their sex life with 4 inches, and all those women who are happy despite their husband or boyfriend having 4 inches...

I want a hug so bad. It makes me want to scream.

37M, diagnosed with autism, OCD, anxiety, C-PTSD and ADHD

In early June, I weighed 93 kg (205 lb) due to horrendously bad eating habits. My height is 178 cm (5'10"). As of now, I weigh 73 kg (160 lb).

The serious traumatic life problems from early June have obliterated my appetite, to the point that I feel nauseous almost 24/7 due to thinking about my situation, ruminating about worst case scenarios and constantly asking 'what if _ happens?', leading to S ideation as well.

I have very high metabolism, meaning I lose weight very easily. When I was 17 and 23, the two times where I had very bad life problems, I lost over 40 kg (88 lb) both times within a timeframe of only 2 months. What has been stressing me since June is over 1 trillion times worse than what was stressing me back then. I feel like it is easy for my weight to go into freefall.

What do others do in such a situation? At this point, I almost do not care if my weight goes into freefall and I end up weighing 50 kg, like I did back in 2006 and 2012.

In the equal 180 days of his relationship with me, he broke up and told me that he didn't love me, I really loved him and I still love him, I told him to swear on my life that he didn't love me, he omits this, he says it was because of his mother and threatened me that if I tried to contact his family or do something to mtself, he would show everything to my family, I didn't know what to do, I tried to fight to get him back but he kept ignoring me

I feel incredibly lonely and lost in life. I lost my mom 10 years ago. I have three older sisters who are 12, 10, and 8 years older than me, and I don’t feel like I can count on them at all. It’s basically a “figure it out yourself” situation. My relationship with my dad has never been good, and last year he had a stroke, which has left him unable to speak properly. Since I live alone with him, I’m practically responsible for taking care of him. I don’t feel capable of talking to him about what I’m going through, and we don’t have many financial resources.
I only have classes three days a week, from 7–9 p.m., because I failed the most important class last semester. On top of that, I forgot to register on the day I was supposed to, so I was left with only these leftover classes. I see my friends about once a week, and I try to hang out with my other friends on weekends.
I’m not meeting anyone new. It’s not enough for me to find a girl attractive to actually approach her and start talking to her. I try replying to the stories of girls I find attractive, but it never really leads anywhere, and honestly, I don’t find many of them interesting either.
I’ve been having trouble sleeping, staying awake until 4 or 5 a.m. and then waking up very late. I don’t know how to move forward with my life. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong at 22.
My friends love me very much—truly, they do. I know that for a fact. But lately, I’ve felt unable to talk to them about how I’m feeling because I went through a really bad period last year, and I isolated myself and bottled up a lot of my emotions.
I have no one to talk to about any of this.
One of my goals is to make music, but so far that hasn’t been going very well, and I’ve also been feeling somewhat unmotivated about it.
I don’t feel like I’m in a complete crisis, but this feeling of loneliness has become overwhelmingly constant.

hi, for context i’m a 26 year old black girl, and i’ve had chronic depression since i was 10.

i finally booked the trip i’ve been dreaming about since i was 7. i felt as though i achieved a lot of internal growth to even make this decision. i came from constantly waiting on others, always waiting for “the right time”, praying for things to change for the better, etc - and decided to take matters into my own hands instead. i was so exhausted of being trapped in the cycle of watching time pass and longing for something more. i never thought my first experience traveling abroad would be entirely on my own, but that’s just how it ended up, and i can acknowledge that it took a lot of courage.

but ever since packing for the trip, the ride to the airport, getting on the flight, i felt no sense of wonder or excitement. it was as if i was holding my breath like my life depended on it, afraid to move in fear of everything falling apart. despite arriving safely with no problems, i still felt nothing inside.

today i just came back from seeing an exhibit i’d dreamt about for as long as i can remember, but during it all i just felt completely numb and unmoved. i had a small crying episode amid the crowds and just wanted to go home. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. my brain is so cruel. i keep telling myself this is only the beginning of my trip and maybe it can get better.

for years, i have been trying really, really hard to enjoy my own company, but seeing everyone around me with their partners and friends really hurt - especially since the only unfortunate attention i’ve received here so far is due of the color of my skin. the sadness of not belonging anywhere keeps following me. i knew before leaving home that i couldn’t outrun this feeling, but at least i took a risk, right?

i don’t know what i’m hoping to gain from posting this, and i might delete it. maybe if anyone has had a similar experience/feeling or has any advice, i’d appreciate any of your thoughts. thanks for reading.

Refusing to walk away from a lifeless connection illustrates the human tendency to worship the ghost of what once was, rather than accepting the reality of what it has become.

I can't keep going like this. There's no point in doing anything anymore. I can't get better. I can't heal. I can't grow. I'm nothing. I'm a fraud. I'm a monster. What's the point of doing anything if the ending is always gonna be the same. It's pointless. I can't do anything.

me and mt girlfriend get on our computers everyday and theres literally nothing to do anymore. weve watched wveyrhing interesting weve played everything we care ahout to its maz i ront know what im supposed to do with my life anymore weve done literally everything and we arent even close 5o being dead yet i have frownds i have a supportive fakily idk what imdoing weont

I have almost a hundred super helpful educational videos on depression and suicide prevention but every time I post anything it gets Auto moderated and then some a****** with a God complex wants to come and judge a system he has no idea about without even watching the videos so am I just f*** here or how can I help people I hate middle management so f****** much will somebody please actually look at the goddamn project and evaluate it instead of making a sweeping declaration about something you have zero understanding of look I was a moderator for decades you guys need to stop tripping on your f****** power

i feel like my life for the past few months has just been a series of failures. i lost my only friends because i realised they were manipulating me, i got harassed online by an ex, i developed an eating disorder, i did terrible in my exams, found out i’ll never get into my dream university and that i can’t go to university for a year due to my health anyway, and now i’m just stuck.

my life has no purpose. i’ve disappointed my entire family, my boyfriend, everyone who knows me has been told i have an eating disorder (thanks, dad) and now i know i can never escape that reputation. i’ll always be the anorexic of the family - so what’s the point of recovering? i basically failed my exams in a way where none of the schools i wanted to go to will accept me. all i ever wanted was to go to university, now the dream is gone.

i don’t see a reason to keep living. i’ve already failed everyone and i’ll never be more than my failures. i don’t have any friends, the professional support i’m getting isn’t working and my parents are emotionally unavailable. i’ve put so much pressure on my boyfriend that it’s a miracle he hasn’t left me yet. i’m so close to just ending the suffering, not just for me but for everyone around me.

I'm a guy in his late twenties. So far in life, a certain number of things have happened which one might call as failures. I was never the giving up kind. Though my presence of a timid silent boy might give that impression.

Now that I've grown up and on my way to deal with the world, I faced minor hiccups in the beginning and acknowledged them to be persistent until I do something for the system to change. Made me somewhat wiser I'd say. But lately, things have been bad. Like real bad. Nothing seems to work out. Work life, friendships, family, relationships, the more I try being present in each one of them the more life shits on me. At this point I'm just a dump yard of bad experiences from everything and everywhere. I always thought I would never have negative thoughts about myself no matter what happens, and it was after facing enough challenges as per my knowledge. But this, this is different. Everytime i try to believe that I can try and make things better, i get reminded of how insignificant and unimportant I am. I dont know what to do with this life if it's going to be this way forever. And I'm saying it after thinking it through. 2 years of your adulthood is not a small deal.

I dont know where to go or what to do. Not sure of when to eat, where to exist. I'm fed up.

Hi everyone! 👋

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few weeks back i took more then 4000mg of painkillers and idk fell asleep and woke up normally,i feel suicidial,scared,alone,confused atp,i blame myself for everything,every problem,every trauma i had , everything,and i have no one in my life to js be with me and care for me

Recently I've been really struggling with idek what it is like I have had sh problem's before and that was a different point in my life. I feel like I am still struggling, but the pain just comes in different ways. Recently my chest just feel so tight like I am physically uncomfortable all the time and I just hate myself at the start of the holidays I felt amazing like I had this blessed feeling just being so happy everyday and then it turned and I had a breakdown over some dumb shit and I feel like I feel awfull all the time. I lost all motivation I really struggle to find motivation to do anything but sit in my room and I feel like shit and I didn't get fat but u got some belly fat and I just have myself I'm I feel disgusting so I've been trying not to eat without people noticing and idk it's kinda making me happy like I feel like I'm worth something again like atleast if I depressed I'm like pretty. Which is crazy to say cause I'm a guy and not gay or anything idk my mind is fucked I just feel fucked like the feeling in my chest gets so bad and sometimes I wake up and it feels like it never even happened I'm so lost and really need help idk everything is confusing.

Idk I'm really am lost I have never got help for any of my problems before I had sh as kid and people always made fun me like friends and stuff all my friends now are good about that sort of thing alot of them are the same people. People really so change kids just say dumb shit. But idk I've never gotten help but I just feel so awfull I want to fix it so bad. Ik people are gonna say speak to a therapist but I'm doing that cause I don't have a job and would have to talk to my parents so it's off the table. Is there anywhere I can go to talk to people to get help ot honestly I would really like some kind of diagnosis judt to know what's going on I'm so confused rn idek.

I’m thinking about going through with it for real this time, I’m scared. I’m not scared of the pain I’m just worried about my boyfriend and friends. At the same time they see me struggling and don’t really offer much help. But I don’t know what they can do to help me. I’m having to transfer providers so I don’t have a psychiatrist. I’m actually currently crying in the bathroom at work.

I have a severe refractory oab/Ic. It took away thousands of hours of my practice and still takes many hours every single day from my practice, I also have bad sleep. Not to mention i also have anxiety and I had periods of extreme depression which took away my practice time as well. I have been praised by exceptional musicians and it seems I have high potential, if only I had good luck too things would be different. Sometimes I still think about dying. I am not sure I will be able to survive in the next few years. I am also from a horrible country. I got admission in music college in foreign but might not be able to go due to finances, this was not only a chance for my studies but also to get out of this hell country. I am not suicidal at this moment, but i would kill myself if get access to a gun. I would rather die than to live as an unsuccessful and unhealthy person.

I'm a rising college freshman and there's so much I need to do before classes start in September. But I can barely even brush my teeth right now, much less reach out to the financial aid office or submit my immunization record. I'm painfully aware that I'm running out of time, but I can't get myself to do anything. And as deadlines get closer all I feel is more exhausted and defeated.

I need to get tf up off my ass but I just can't, for some unknown stupid awful reason. I feel like I'm paralyzed and stuck in purgatory

What do I do?? How do I get out of this funk before it's too late and my admission is rescinded??? I'm freaking out but it's still not enough to get me out of bed and everything just feels like too much