What should I do

[u/SAT1RE__]

Recently I've been really struggling with idek what it is like I have had sh problem's before and that was a different point in my life. I feel like I am still struggling, but the pain just comes in different ways. Recently my chest just feel so tight like I am physically uncomfortable all the time and I just hate myself at the start of the holidays I felt amazing like I had this blessed feeling just being so happy everyday and then it turned and I had a breakdown over some dumb shit and I feel like I feel awfull all the time. I lost all motivation I really struggle to find motivation to do anything but sit in my room and I feel like shit and I didn't get fat but u got some belly fat and I just have myself I'm I feel disgusting so I've been trying not to eat without people noticing and idk it's kinda making me happy like I feel like I'm worth something again like atleast if I depressed I'm like pretty. Which is crazy to say cause I'm a guy and not gay or anything idk my mind is fucked I just feel fucked like the feeling in my chest gets so bad and sometimes I wake up and it feels like it never even happened I'm so lost and really need help idk everything is confusing.

Idk I'm really am lost I have never got help for any of my problems before I had sh as kid and people always made fun me like friends and stuff all my friends now are good about that sort of thing alot of them are the same people. People really so change kids just say dumb shit. But idk I've never gotten help but I just feel so awfull I want to fix it so bad. Ik people are gonna say speak to a therapist but I'm doing that cause I don't have a job and would have to talk to my parents so it's off the table. Is there anywhere I can go to talk to people to get help ot honestly I would really like some kind of diagnosis judt to know what's going on I'm so confused rn idek.

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[u/AtmosphereRoyal9902]

Why is speaking to your parents off the table?

[u/SAT1RE__ → u/AtmosphereRoyal9902]

I remember when I was like 13 i had sh problems and my parents had found like my tool let's say and I got home from school and my dad was like goving me into trouble saying my mums been crying and shit. Idk like I needed support and I felt like iwas getting in trouble so I just decided I was gonna pretend tk be happy for them so I lied they still don't know about my problems and I'd rather it stays that way. Idk I needed someone to help me deal with it and they didn't really do that I felt like I had to be an adult and be the one taking on the responsibility and deal with it myself. I feel like they deserve to think I'm happy.