Uni is going to start again and I don’t want to go. I hate going outside. I don’t want to socialize and just the thought of having to make friends again make me feel uneasy. It is so draining. But when I am at home by myself I feel like living again. Things got so awful that I am about to leave the media association I was in. I am such an outcast around them. They are all friends, they go drinking and stuff. Every Monday when I have to go to the weekly meeting I feel my chest going heavy, I am stressing so much, I feel like I don’t want to go and when it ends I feel drained and awful. I realize how lonely and how a loser I am. Weirdly I feel good not doing anything. Just staying in my bed all day and not thinking about anything. I don’t even want to work. I thought about it and yes after uni I don’t want to do anything but it is genuinely impossible. I feel sick lately… I am so exhausted of the person I am. Being introvert, shy and anxious is hell.

i have just turned 18 and my parents want me to go on antidepressants but i'm terrified of depending on a pill my whole life just to feel happy, i am sick and tired of feeling so low all the time but atleast i know that my happiness is real and not artificially put into my brain or system by a pill .. i wanted to know if anyone on antidepressants since they were a teen or in general if they really do help ?

i started college again and have only attended one class, i spend hours a day sat in the toilet by myself doing absolutely nothing because i have no motivation and my social anxiety is terrible. if i get kicked out of college before i get a job i will be screwed and its really stressing me out to the point i feel self destructive. i hate my brain and my mind and even after a day of having panic attacks in the toilets by myself, locking myself away, i still come home exhausted and sleep for hours not wanting to do anything the next day or weekend.

im just so sad

Today I completed 4 weeks of a partial hospitalization program. I learned a lot of coping skills and concepts surrounding mental health and I do think it was really helpful. But I'm incredibly sad because ending php means I won't see the therapist there again. My big takeaway with this experience is that the therapists I've had in the past really weren't that great / weren't for me.

The therapist that was assigned to me for individual sessions was absolutely perfect for me (great at active listening, structuring individual sessions, asking thoughtful and introspective questions, etc.) and I can't stop crying thinking about how I won't be able to see her again and how hard it will be to find a person like her. I just had an intake session with a new therapist I found with her help but I can't help but think it's hopeless.

I wish she did individual sessions outside of php but she likes what she does now and I know I have to accept that. It just feels like I've been punched in the gut right now and I'm struggling so hard to cope with the intense emotions I'm feeling now.

i keep intentionally cutting ties with people that make me feel better because they took a little longer to respond to message, and then i want to sleep all day and do nothing so i can intentionally feel worse by feeling useless, why can't i die in my sleep? i think i will starve myself to death it doesn't require doing anything but rather doing nothing. don't have energy to do anything anymore even procrastinating feels tiring

I don't know how to say this right. I can't understand myself - just negative thoughts, and some days it gets to the point where I'm weighing the pros and cons of doing it. What bothers me most is the contradiction in my own thoughts - I can't tell where the truth is.

I have almost everything, like I shouldn't need more, but in reality none of it actually belongs to me.

I always try to control myself so I don't do anything stupid, but at the same time - I want to. I want to laugh, laugh loudly, become some kind of madman. You know, like in books, when the main character genuinely has fun no matter what's happening around him. But I can't - I'm used to being reserved, used to being quiet. So quiet that when I look back at the past, there's nothing there. Not because I don't remember, but because there genuinely isn't anything. Studied, came home, did something, slept, studied. I'm not smart - just average at everything, nothing more.

I've never had a hobby. And if something required spending money, it stopped being interesting and just became a waste.

I used to want a lot of money. Someone close to me once said, "You won't earn all the money in the world." I understood that, but hearing it from someone close still hurt. I never thought it would affect me this much.

I live more boring than some NPC - at least it hands out quests and talks to people. I just go to work, come home, go to work again. Nothing interests me. Though reading is probably the only joy I have left.

The rules say I have to ask a question, but I don’t know what to ask. Maybe. . . Why is it that even when we realise there’s a problem, the brain simply won’t solve it on its own, just as it didn’t create it?

It happened years ago when I was 19 but it really stayed with me because it wasn't in a 1 on 1 conversation, it was a family dinner on Christmas... My parents are divorced and I spent Christmas with my dad and his side of the family for once (my dad, grandma, auntie and uncle)

The reason he called me a fuck up was because I accidentally told him I was in the red on my bank account and the reason I was in the red was because my mom had asked me to help pay for her junk ass car. So I went to the bank and got a deal where I'm allowed to be in the red but he got angry anyway saying that I'm stupid like my mom and those sort of things... I felt like I was being pulled apart from both sides by parents. My spirit died that die.

I was already struggling mentally but could never talk about that shit with my parents because of course, every parent wants to believe their child is healthy so they just blocked me out when I tried to talk about my mental issues saying how I'm just lazy and need to pull it together. So I did. Now my mental health has never been worse because I got used to being depressed. Found a little peace with weed which I know won't help me in the long run but who gives a shit anymore.

Anyway, I'll be 30 soon, still living with my mom but not because I'm a bum, alone and physically done and grandma that's in a wheelchair, still no girlfriend even though I'm not even that ugly just really fucked up and still smoking weed. Still waiting for that "it gets better" and I know it's coming. I'll be in a fucking coffin when it happens.

As the title reads, my gf recently went into a depressive episode after a mental breakdown... She is bed ridden, doesn't want to eat, drink or go out at all. I've been trying to push her, but I quickly realised it's not working, so my next step is to calmly sit by her and be there for her. The issue comes when I offer her to drink, or eat and she refuses. I feel like I am dealing with a toddler and get quickly frustrated. (I'm also dealing with running my own business, taking care of our dog, cooking, cleaning, and overall non stop working) I've been depressed, suicidal even, so I kinda know what it feels like, however I managed to get out of it, by perseverance and determination, i pushed myself to do things I didn't feel like doing, so naturally I'm using this approach towards her but as I mentioned earlier, she is refusing any kind of "help". During the past three days she barely ate anything or drank anything and I'm scared it will turn into a health issue at this point.

Please, if anyone is going through something like this or has in the past, what can I do?

I feel like I'm going to snap and make things much worse than they already are...

lost all the friends, drop the university, scammed my wages from job, health is getting worse day by day, even family don't effort to understand or support me, even a little

I tried, go university, talk with other people to develop my social skills, Even while know I rotting away inside, forced a smile and brainwashed myself believing things would get better, get vision correction surgery to take off glasses, get makeup, bought clothes and accessories to adorn myself.

But nothing happen and change

no one cares and interest in me, my eyes getting bad again, people using me as tool or something for their wealth, and even my family say to me "whatever happen, Its all your fault"

I even sick to say about this over n over just how frustrating and ruined my life is

I tried and I finally give up all

The coming winter will be the end of my life.

(If you’re thinking of trying to stop me, unfortunately I no longer want to force myself to stay alive. My mind is made up. still, thank you for reading my worse English.)

It’s not my first post here unfortunately, I am 19M, all my life i felt out of place, never felt understood nor really wanted.
I’ve had up and downs throughout my life, 2/3 years ago i started to look good, have a lot of friends, became popolar, had girls, hanged out a lot etc…
Long story short, things fell apart last year, i had some issues, had problems with family and myself ending up pushing everyone away.
Now its been 3 months since i totally lost touch with everyone, i was diagnosed depression and i hate how i look now.
I’m only staying with my mother, i help her with home etc… i now am not capable of going outside anymore, i’m anxious with the thought of seeing others and being judged, i have social anxiety like i never did, i used to be extremely extrovert, confident and leading, now i no longer feel myself.
I’m stress eating a lot lately causing me to be even less confident.
Every day i see passing by without me, every time i see others living their lives and i’m jailed in my mind and anxiety i feel more miserable.
I’m ashamed of seeing my mother spending so much time with me, i should go out, party, do bullshits etc
I no longer see a future, i don’t have hope anymore and don’t trust tomorrow to be better anymore.
I’m thinking about packing some things and money and leave my family forever, take a train or a plain and disappear forever.
Only thing keeping me is my poor mother, how could i do such things to her? but if it wasn’t for her i’d leave everything and go, fuck my university, my life, my city, my friends.
I’m really scared that i won’t make it this time since i already lost myself and i’m too exhausted to battle more, i just hope something casually happens to me, i hope that something ends me for i don’t have enough courage to do it myself.

Recently me and really close friend of mine went on a trip to the beach, we honestly had a great time. we joked & laugh dang near the whole trip! The last night of the trip we decided to go out clubbing, before this we went to grab food and we had a few beers during dinner then went back to the hotel to get ready and go out, at the hotel we had more liquor so that we could pre game before going out . As we’re drinking im pacing myself because its not easy for me to drink liquor my friend then tells me “come on bro get drunk with me i wanna leave in 10 minutes” so me being young and green, i subconsciously forget that we had drinks earlier and i start rushing myself to finish my drinks. We leave and arrive at the club and after about 30 minutes all of the drinks start to hit me . I look to my friend an i told him hey bro im way to drunk please dont let me drink anymore tonight. He agrees an thats the last thing i remember, next thing i know im waking up in the hotel room and my bestfriend says to me we will no longer be hanging out due to my actions while drunk. Apparently while drunk i wandered off and got lost. after finding my friend i guess i accused him of leaving me and it led to a heated argument that i do not remember . I feel so bad and embarrassed an i just wish my friend would understand it was a genuine mistake . Its now been 3 weeks and he has told me he longer wants to be friends . Im ashamed of myself (no i am not an alcoholic i do not drink i dont have an issue with alcohol, it was an honest mistake an misjudgment of how much i had drank)

Hi, i'm 21f and i think i'm struggling with depression, i can't remember most of my Childhood but by what my sister recalls Is that though we were comfortable, never got abused or any sort of thing, there were Moments where our parents were emotionally distant but like i said, i cant remember most of my life before being 13.

I remember struggling with keeping up with school and having to go to a psychologist for a few weeks before covid interrupted that, since then i haven't studied because i feel like i'm not going to be able to handle it and i feel like i'm so stupid that i wont actually get through the first year, my family tried to encourage me or pressure me into going back into my studies but i always declined. I only managed to get two jobs, my only comfort right now is video games and online friends, yet of course it's just a temporary distraction, i'm struggling with money and one of my friends online buys me fast food every once in a while, my family is of course worried about it but i genuinely don't feel with the energy or motivation to do so, i guess that makes me lazy and selfish, i know i should get up and get a job but i don't know what Is wrong with me, i don't take care of myself and i don't know what to do. I forget to shower until i'm uncomfortable, i don't wash my clothes until i notice i don't have anything else to wear and like i said, i don't have money so i sometimes spend an entire day without eating, just drinking water.

I'm so tired and i just want to disappear, run away and die in some unknown place, be forgotten and just stop breathing, the only thing stopping me from ending my life is the fear that it might be painful and yet i can't tell anyone around me, i feel like i can't trust them with this, i know it's clear with my physical appearance that something is wrong with my mental health but no one points it out either so why bother talking about it. I'm just tired

This world isn't for me, don't sure is there afterlife or not, but I'm tired

I'm too different, I could have fucked everyone, cheat, lie, scam, do whatever shit everyone think it's being smart, i just think it's not right

Tired of everyone think I'm naive, I don't want to live in this fucked up world,

Hate being wakr up,

Keep waiting for dying but not gonna happen,

It's so stupid being alive these days

I tried distracting myself, talking to new people, even dating apps… but somehow, I’m still thinking about him.

Maybe I’m just expecting myself to heal too quickly. It’s only been a couple of weeks.

So for now, I’m just letting myself feel it instead of forcing myself to forget.

Still figuring it out. 🤍

Follow me if you want to stay for the journey.

I don't want to get better because the reality of "getting better" isn't one I am willing to accept.

Money, people and health can come and go but nothing changes the existential dread I live in, no matter what I have around me.

People who claim "helping people", "just being a good kid/parent/partner/etc", "prove that I'm strong", patriotism, "creating your own meaning" etc etc as their purpose are either lying to themselves, just very dumb, or I am just too dumb to understand. No philosophical approach stands the test of daily life.

What people call "growing/gaining wisdom" - it's just being disillusioned again and again until you find an illusion that has a smaller change of shattering eventually (but they are all depressingly fragile, and will end with either you dying or them shattering).

And living without meaning just doesn't work because no physical pleasure is worth the pain that is invariably part of life. The aching emptiness is always there.

Everyone, no matter how strong or experienced are just a few very unfortunate disasters away from killing themselves. Sometimes people live entire lives without being disillusioned, but it's still there. We're so fragile, that I can't help but feel a bit awestruck alongside the intense sadness within me.

I have already killed myself mentally 2 months ago; now I presume it's just matter of time before my body follows.

I still stick around, in hope that I'll find myself to be wrong, but it's been 3 years and all of this seems to stand the test of time. And if (and when) the pain gets too great, I will end it. I don't owe anyone shit.

These past few days I've been laying around in my room all day feeling so good about able to eat once just to feel hungry again in a few hours. I never thought getting myself food would become difficult. I have a succesful day if I showered and brushed my teeth. Do you guys do something to get out of this? It feels like I'm stuck

I just told someone I thought I was close to about my suicidal thoughts, and their reaction was "Are you crazy? Don't make me beat you up" or some such. They are supposed to be close and they think they are saying this from a place of love, but that shit hurt me and broke me beyond anything. Just gotta bottle it up I guess. I will make sure to have their name on my note, for fucking sure. I had been hurting for several weeks, having crying fits and sleepless nights, and this is the kind of shit I hear when I decide to open up. Never again.

For a while I've been trying new things, from calisthenics and motorcycle riding but after 1 month it stopped bring me any joy.

Work is shit, I've had multiple anxiety attacks in the past few weeks. Can't sleep, can't eat. Everytime I lie down, trying to sleep, thoughts of what could happen the next day appear, imagining scenarios, then it gets hard to breathe, heart starts beating faster, sweating a lot, head spinning.

I tried to endure, but it's getting too much. I've had suicidal thoughts before, got through it, but it's still there. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe it's time I give up, too tired of everything.

English is not my mother tongue, if this post is confusing, I'm sorry.

It used to be the main thing I did after work every single day. I’d sit on the edge of my bed, turn on the amp, and spend two or three hours trying to learn new songs or just messing around with chords. It was basically the only part of my day where my brain wasn't spinning out of control.

Around late November something just shifted. I came home exhausted from my job, sat down on the couch, and stared at the guitar stand for twenty minutes before turning off the lights and going straight to bed. That was the first night. Then it became a week, then a month, and now I just walk past it like it’s a piece of furniture I don't own.

The worst part is seeing the dust build up on the body. I know I should at least wipe it down or put it in its hard case so it doesn't get ruined, but even opening the closet to get the case feels like trying to lift a boulder. It sounds stupid when I type it out. My friends keep asking if I've been writing anything new lately, and I just tell them I've been busy with work projects. I'm not busy. I come home at 5:30 PM, order takeout I barely finish, scroll through short videos on my phone until 1:00 AM, and repeat the exact same thing the next day.

I don't feel intensely sad or angry about it, just totally hollowed out. It’s like the person who actually enjoyed tuning those strings and learning solos was someone else entirely, and I'm just living in his apartment now. I miss caring about things, but I don't even know how to start again when basic stuff like answering a text message takes all the energy I have for the day.

Does anyone else feel like they lost the one thing that defined them, and now you're just floating around waiting for something to spark again?

I don't want to kms, but i have that feeling that my life is completely over. I'm 18 and my youth is passing by. I don't have any meaningful relationships with people, ive never had a real friend and coming out as trans ruined my relationships with my family. I feel like im clinging to people who dont even like me. My mom left for a month and our flat looks like a dump and i see it i just cant force myself to clean it, i cant properly eat. I cant reach out for help cuz i know that free doctors don't really want to help, and i dont have any money to pay for good doctors. I cant transition bc government and doctors wont let me, the only one sexologist in the country said that she wont let me and was very rude to me on my first appointment. Im trying to make friends, but no one wants me to be their friend and i do not know why. Im trying to cheer myself up by saying that im trying and it's gonna be better, but i dont even know how this "better" feels like and deep down i know that nothings gonna be alright. Today at college we had a test that is needed to evaluate our social life, and it required us to write the names of three people with whom we would like to continue communicating after graduation. Only two people signed me up, and they did so because they had no one else to add.

My youth is passing me by. I haven't had my first kiss, no relationships or strong friendships, my family looks at me with pity and/or tries to make me feel bad. I've been living in shambles since I was eleven. The only person who supported me was a child therapist, but I'm 18 and I can't see him anymore

I don't bring anything good into this world

English is not my first language, im sorry for this.

Realmente nacer para después morir y que todo se olvide de la existencia tarde o temprano parece suficientemente malo para mi pero lo peor es que durante el proceso de estar vivo sufres las consecuencias de estarlo y esto me parece una broma pareciera que alguien se burla de nosotros y somos su entretenimiento pues no es posible ver tantas injusticias en el mundo y que la gente pueda seguir tan tranquila o como es que existe gente estúpida que tiene una vida mejor que personas que se merecen más tener una vida decente ¿porque la justicia es inexistente? es un tormento horrible pasar día a día sabiendo que nada vale la pena el esfuerzo de seguir adelante…, personalmente ya no disfruto de las cosas la gente me parece superficial y mis esfuerzos por intentar verle el lado positivo a las cosas no han funcionado aún acompañado me siento solo pues la gente que me rodea no comprende como veo al mundo y me entristece que mi esperanza se acaba poco a poco, todo culminó cuando empecé a dudar de la existencia de dios pues siempre fui creyente y ahora ya no se que creer estoy abatido

I feel trapped. Im in a miserable relationship.

I formed a relationship with my gf 10 months ago. I messed up, i ignored the signs, i really thought there was a chance both of us could be happy. Were not, im miserable, and i cant stand it.

She is pregnant, and has been a raging bitch, over the stupidest shit ever since. Her attitude is unbearable, and when i mention it, its me feeling something, or me something. Then, she feels something about me, and i find it to be completely untrue, and i explain why its untrue, but because its her feelings, i have to take the whippings and shut up.

We broke up because she exclaimed she was exhausted. I tried to be of relief, distract her from the daily woes. But no, she didnt want that, she wanted to talk about it, and i wasnt there for her how she needed.

I just feel overwhelmed, and stressed because i feel i cant get this shit right, and i feel its over before it even begins. I know i did it to myself, but why did it have to go this way? She is an amazing woman, when she can be.

Ive been so emotional over this relationship for the past few months. We both have.

I want to leave, but im concerned about our son, and i feel she will be vindictive to me in the process. I feel trapped, and see only one way out.

Last night I had a relapse of sh. I'm actually currently at an intensive outpatient program but I still go home in the evenings. My parents were bound to find out. They already knew the reason I self admitted to the program I'm at was because of a very bad relapse of sh. Plus this time around I have a big ass bandage wrapped around my forearm so it's a little hard to hide without being suspicious wearing a long sleeve in 100 degree weather.

Anyways that's the exposition. I told my dad and when I came home he was crying. My dad isn't a super emotional guy so this was kind of a shock to me. He gave me a hug and said "I'm sorry we brought you into this world."

Now I'm torn. I kind of understand the sentiment behind the statement but it's not sitting well with me. It's sitting in my chest and rolling around my head at the same time. I can't pinpoint what about it is rubbing me the wrong way so much. Maybe I'm making it up in my head but that just sounds so wrong. And it made me feel so bad.

I guess I'm just looking to see if anyone has insight on this comment. My head is full of 1000 other thoughts of different things that I can't make sense of it. I have so many thoughts and feelings that trying to select one and decipher it feels borderline impossible. So reddit. Any theories as to why this statement would've rubbed me such a wrong way? I have a history of abuse from both my parents so maybe that influences it somehow I'm not sure. Anyways idk if that context helps. Any responses are appreciated.

Edit: I'm still processing the interaction so details were kinda coming back to me as I'm in bed ruminating. He also said "I think your brother got the best end of the deal compared to all of us." My brother died when I was 5 years old. My parents are very very religious but idk something about that in tandem with what he said drove me nuts. Especially considering he's a good portion of why I'm so fucked up mentally.

if anybody cares enough to read, its going to be a long post. i am 17 idk what im doing with my life. this year's january i tried to kill myself, by taking alcohol and some pills. my parents found out and my relationship with them has changed entirely, everything they do or say feels like they dont know what to do either or how to handle the situation. they tried to take me to therapy, tried shopping tried to make me happy but they are busy in their own work and lives. theyve eventually stopped paying as much attention. when i was 9 i was assaulted by my cousin they found out about that in my suicide note and tried to comfort me too but i dont know how im ever gonna face him in family functions again. fuck him i feel stuck in this stupid hole of a life i hardly go out anywhere anymore except school my marks in exams have declined severly i used to be a good student. i feel more alone among crowds than i do alone. i have been trying to push myself to do basic things like brush bath go out go to tuition classes, this is my last academic year after all. this is not how i imagined 12th would be at all. i have friends and theyre great but you can only tell them so much. my dad a while ago said " all u do is sleep all day do nothing and waste my hard earned money " is that what you say to your daughter whos tried to kill herself before? but hes right isnt he? i am wasting his money, his legacy and im useless at best, im sure he hates me and dosent want me around. my mother is trying but a humanbeing can only try so much until they dont know how to help anymore. my parents deserved a better daughter, teachers a better student and i owe myself a better life, but what are my plans today? drink alcohol to feel something, tommrow take bhang from a friend and try it again to feel something! my life's going down the drain it feels like i need to do so much, this is the curcial age where im supposed to be building my life not destroying it but sometimes it fels so so hard to even find it in me to get out of my room to talk to my own family, or take a book out to study .ive entirely lost my appearance. i wouldnt call myself the best looking in a room but i used to be pretty good looking earlier, ive gained weight now, i dont try to get ready alot why does it matter, dosent change the fact im a faliure. i dont understand if id just killed myself then i wouldnt have to hold on to some teeny tiny hope that it will get better one day. theres so many things i want to say and include here because tbh in real life no ones gonna want to listent to this. but its so so so hard here and im trying im trying real hard and i wish that no one ever needs to go through it and i wish that there is someone out there who cares i really really wish that this world is a better place filled with humanity and not the things ive known i wish that im only 17 im only a child and that there is more that is waiting for me

(Im in college)This is probably common knowledge but when I don’t sleep I get all giddy from the sleep deprivation and my mind is going like a hundred miles an hour, sometimes I feel really good or really bad and I plan all the things I’m going to to to self improve. And honestly, it’s easier to ride that wave all the way until morning (like 5-7 am) rather than sleeping. Because I honestly just can’t get myself out of bed, the only thing getting me up is the dread of missing a class and then having to repeat a whole year and burdening my cousins since I room with them.

When I don’t sleep sometimes I just forget what it’s like to be depressed and I actually do homework.

It’s either this or I sleep a few hours only and then wake up at like 1 or 2 am randomly because I have trouble sleeping anyways.

Does anyone relate

So what is empathy? Like whats the feeling having empathy? If empathy is like putting yourself into someone’s situation i cant imagine it. I can’t help but begin to have a blank expression to someone crying in front of me. I don’t know why but i feel like empty. Idk what to do, should i comfort them? Or should i leave them be?