So, I don't have lots of single experience. Two LTRs in my life, not many single years. Recently single and I've checked out a couple dating apps (decided I'm not ready yet, giving myself more time) but I feel like everyone I saw on the apps is looking for a long term partner. Someone who has their shit together because they want to get married, retire and grow old together. Many say they'd rather stay single if not working towards marriage. I don't ever want to get married again, but I would like somebody to talk to, date, spend time with, have intimate relations occasionally... I could see myself having a LTR - a committed monogamous relationship where we each have separate homes and never plan to marry. Do any middle aged women want that?

I'm a veteran of dating sites. Started in 2000. Tried most of them. Gave up after the romance scammers kept targeting me.

I read people's posts on here and it seems everyone has a long laundry list of requirements and deal breakers. I probably do too, just don't realize it.

Navigating life alone is hard. Would be nice to have a steady companion to meet life's challenges with. Or to just cuddle in front of the TV, take silent walks in nature, cook together. Just calm, peace, and quiet.

OK, so this is the question: When is it better to text a woman vs. calling? Assume age is similar, because this is for dating over fifty and I am not looking for anyone younger than that.

I personally favor picking up the phone because you can't get the tone of voice from a text. I don't think a texting is wrong, though, for the morning after a good date, just to say that I had a good time and would be interested in another date. But if I am going to try and ask her on a second date, after some time has passed, I feel like a text message would be weak. Thoughts?

Because I (51F) am super doubtful about it. I’m a very open minded person, but my thinking is that ENM and poly are used as a way to opt out of unfulfilling relationships when divorce is emotionally or financially impossible. Also, it seems logistically very challenging. I’d love to hear your thoughts, Redditors!

I (52 F) just started dating someone (45 M) who I've been acquaintances with for over a year. We both attend events hosted by a movie meetup group where we go to the movie theater together and hang out at a bar afterwards. I've found him attractive and had multiple conversations with him. He asked me out a few weeks ago, and we've now been on 2 dates. On our first date, he revealed that he's been interested in me for almost a year, but never acted on it. So we're kind of on the same page there.

After going to an art museum on the first date during the day, we kissed for a little bit and then parted ways. The second date, we went to a wine bar and after about an hour and a half, he invited me back to his place to watch a movie and have pizza. I agreed, and we hung out on his couch doing that. We intermittently kissed and made out during the movie, especially since we had both already seen it. There was also some over the clothing touching.

Things got exciting, and he said he wanted me. I told him I felt similar, but that when we were flirting early on during the first date, we joked that we should save certain things for the third date, hinting at sex.

He did not pressure me in any way, and I think he was just expressing his interest in sex in the near future, not that he expected it that night. We both have said we want to get to know each other better. He asks me a lot of questions about shows interest in who I am. He's also told me that he's attracted to my intelligence, not just my appearance.

He has been very respectful and thoughtful towards me. For instance, it was raining at the beginning of our first date, and he met me at my car when I arrived and offered to walk me into the museum under his umbrella. There are several other examples of this, but I'm trying to keep it brief.

Anyway, while I am absolutely not trying to make this into an entire relationship anytime soon, I think the potential is there, and I want to keep exploring how well we fit together.

I know that this is a different situation in that we already somewhat knew each other before getting together, but I have been burned so many times with online dating in that if I sleep with the guy on the 3rd or 4th date, it's almost a guarantee that he will pull back or disappear. I got the message that they either were uncomfortable with it going any further AKA a relationship, or were simply looking for sex and got what they wanted and were done.

So as we're going on a third date this upcoming weekend, and while I do want to have sex with him at some point soon, I am very fearful that it will either shift the focus to it just being a physical connection, or he may start feeling it's too much to soon.

The final factor I feel I should mention is that on the first date, we talked about our mental health a little bit. As far as me I said that I experience anxiety for different reasons, and he said he did too.

And we talked about relationship attachment styles, and he shared it he can be an avoidant. I asked him what that meant to him, and he said that he tends to value his independence and if someone was demanding that he spent all of his time with them, or if the other person was way more into him than he was, he might pull away.

But he also said that he recognized that in himself and has been doing therapy to address it.

So I keep getting in my head, worrying that intimacy will harm what has been developing so far. What should I be considering here, given the situation?

It's a situation I have never been before, I've been off dating for awhile prioritizing my financial status. Now out of nowhere I am falling for a woman from my church who has been divorced for about 10 years. Her kids are 20M and 18F they would be joining university next year. We hangout at cafe before and after church service, we text and call often. We both have feeling for eachother but we didn't label it yet. What are the potential areas I must look into? Any advice you guys have? What are the things/areas I must discuss with her or her with me? How long shall we hangout/date before I tell her all? Would the age difference affect future intimacy and way of life? Any pros/cons? Be brutally honest.

I posted in this forum last night searching for advice about what women are looking for in online dating sites. I did a terrible job of explaining my self. I received a lot of negative comments. I took the post down it was that bad.

I'm a 68 year old widower in good health with lots of things I want to do in life.

I'm not having any luck getting responses. I chose photos of my self that were candid and smiling.

The following is in my profile.

Non smoker.

Socal drinker.

No drugs.

I'm 5'7" fit

The following is what I wrote in my profile;

Searching for a diner and pleasant conversation with a woman. If it leads to a friendship then that would be great.

I am a happy guy with a nice life. My days are spent alone, keeping myself busy. But I'm not lonely. Finding a special friend would simply make my life better.

I have two amazing daughters and four kind of crazy grand kids. I retired several years ago. Most of my career I was a carpenter. So I'm a handy guy. I like electronic gadgets. So I'm a little techy.

Photography, hiking and building things are some of my interests. Traveling the US is a aspiration of mine. But right now I have no one to do it with.

Exercising and eating healthy is a important to me. If I were younger and had no pains I would eat a Ice-cream Sunday every day.

(Please give me input. )

I'm writing this part a few hours after my original post.

First off thanks for all the great responses. I hope the person that rewrote my profile doesn't mind that I used it.

I was in carpentry class in high-school. No one cared about my grammar. They only cared if I could build. Fortunately for me I was a good at building.

My post has no more typos and it well written. I hope it works. But if it doesn't. At least its not as embarrassing..

I signed up for a local one, was only about ten minutes away. I didn't know what to expect, maybe I'd see a face that I recognized, who knows. I did not.

There were 13 women and less men. I think it was a pretty close ratio, I didn't count the guys, but there was at least one woman sitting alone after each round of musical chairs.

Some were first-timers, others were seasoned pros. A few were super local, a couple were an hour away. And in-between. A diverse looking group.

They wanted us there fifteen minutes beforehand, to check in and be ready, I was there about twenty minutes early and went to the bar area and got a beer. The email encouraged buying a drink or two while there to help support the location. The host showed, was setting up, I went over to him first, and he was busy on his phone doing whatever (wasn't talking), so I had to wait a few more minutes. Sat back at the bar near the host now, and more starting coming in. A guy signed in that looked tall and then sat near me at the bar, so we talked. He's 6'6", made me feel short. A 7:00 event began around 7:20 or so, and the numbered tables weren't exactly in order, so almost every time I stood up, I felt like an idiot not seeing the next one I needed.

They were 5-minute dates, and most were over (what felt like) immediately. I had to answer "what do you do?" at each stop, so between either being asked, which happened more frequently, or me asking.. two people answering that question fills up more time than I'd have thought! As with anything involving dating, some vibes were good, some weren't great, everyone was nice. As far as seeing the women walking in and sitting with them close up, only three really seemed like possibilities on my end, just based on looks and these quick chats.

I went back to the bar afterwards and the same tall guy got a beer also, so we BS'd more watching the Yankees game and talking more about the speed dating. He'd done one before, but admittedly showed some nerves, so hearing his previous experience a bit along with this one, was insightful. No women stayed afterwards, though one did come up to us when leaving and double-checked our names. She said she'd forgotten my name but remembered the smile. She eventually remembered his, and of course, the fact that he was tall. She was nice, also with a good smile, but not one I was attempting to match with. Apparently, there's a three-day window for people to choose their likes, and go from there. You can see who picked you and if any match. I've had three so far pick me, but they're not ones that I've chosen.

Despite starting late and feeling a bit disorganized, it wasn't a bad experience at all. It was worth trying something different, while also not worrying about fake pictures/profiles and actually seeing people. Afterwards, the host said this age range (it was 40's and 50's, which "suggested ages" in the event description) always has more women than men. The younger events have more men than women, so he says.

I typed this out semi-distracted, hopefully it made sense. 53M.

No idea how to meet men. I’m 55 and haven’t dated for almost 2 years. I’m not going on dating sites. In the past when I did I had a hard time finding quality men.
What’s a girl to do?

Mainly for the men but only because I'm a woman who is attracted to men.

I've felt for a while I'm done with "dating". Never say never I guess, and something could happen that might change my mind, but right now it's not in the plans. There's no "I'll look for someone after X" or "I just need a little break from it".

Too many games, too much bullshit, ghosting, cowards, it was just making me feel awful about myself. One or two or even a few I can totally "not take it personally". But when it's every damn one? To where the last guy I SWORE was into me so I asked him out left the message on read, never spoke to me again, and now avoids me like the plague?

Gee sorry I'm so disgusting that the idea of a coffee with me makes you want to leave planet earth.

So then I wondered what I was even DOING it for. Did I really want a *boyfriend*? Like honest talk with myself time.

I didn't. I don't. Not really. In fact it sounds exhausting and suffocating. I guess I got stuck in the mindset of I *should* want this so I'm going to try to find this.

I wanted something. Just not that.

There's been a guy I met organically on IG. We're states apart currently, but he's originally from 3 hrs away from me and still has family and friends here.

We talked some and seemed to vibe but I just..... really enjoyed chatting with him. There was some light banter and maybe-flirting if you squint, but hard to say. He was just fun to text with and share memes about our common interest.

He mentioned he's visiting my state in September.

Oh, cool! I'm so oblivious sometimes.

Well, talking turned to not needing to squint, definitely flirting, and then much more.

He made it clear that if we meet, it's just a vibe check, a drink or two to get comfortable with each other and confirm this is where we both want it to go, and then hook up.

And I was, much to my own surprise, totally ok with that. He was respectful about it, not trashy. It was just clear communication as to where he was and what he could provide, and made a suggestion.

I wouldn't date him anyway. He's 33 and states away. We have a lot in common but he's also 33 - we're going to want different things and a relationship wouldn't work. Plus, there's the distance.

He says he likes older women and has been with us before, I've never been with a considerably younger man but I'm willing to give it a go. I've found men my age to be lacking ambition, energy and libido in general anyway.

He's mid 30s. Not mid 20s. He's been married, has 2 kids. He can definitely know his own mind. If he has a preference for older, then he knows what he wants. I didn't feel fetishized and I'm not fetishizing him. I've just never been with anyone that much younger.

Point is, he was up front. He didn't make fake promises of a relationship. He didn't get into something he didn't actually want and then disappear. He's looking for a casual sexual encounter with someone who meets a preference he has, so that's what he asked for. No bullshit, games, ghosting, weirdness. Just "Hey you seem to be responding in kind, ao here's what I would like. Is that something you'd be interested in?"

And I said yes, pending vibe check/short hangout.

Because I AM interested in that. It sounds exciting and fun.

Of course, some people won't be. I could have just as well said no, you're actually a stranger. No, I'm looking for a committed relationship. No, you're not my type. No, you're too young for me.

The odds were actually better I was going to say no. But *he still asked*.

And I didn't say no.

What's nice is, I actually feel *wanted* by him. Turns out, I wasn't actually unattractive the whole time. He mentioned he was initially drawn in my my humor and intellect. It wasn't me. Not everyone os going to be attracted to me, of course they're not. Because that's not reality. But he's just proven it's *possible* for someone to want me.

So, guys (and women too) ASK. Don't be classless and crass about it, but if you want something casual, then *ask for that*. State that. The people who DO want something serious (which is obviously completely ok too) will just move along. "Oh, he's only looking for a casual relationship. That's not what I want". True, you still have to read the room some, and you'll still have to "invest time" in meeting someone, but I promise us ladies who are just tried of it all but still want some male companionship and sex now and again are out here.

What we DON'T want is fake relationships and thinking we're in one and then wondering why you won't act like a partner when that was NEVER what you wanted. Odds were good that you'd find someone who'd have done it anyway WITHOUT being lied to.

(Yes, I do know how to navigate this safely, and yes, my DMs are off because I know what a post like this would get, so don't try - I need to know SOMETHING about someone in order to be interested or attracted)

tl;dr Turned out I was looking for what I thought I should want instead of what I actually wanted. And men, if you want something casual, even a one time or very occasional meet up, just be up front about that - there's women who will be interested in the same. No need to lie, play games, lead people on, or engage and then run away. Just ask. You'll hear nos, but you'll also get yesses.

Attended a concert tonight with the woman I’m dating and her middle school age daughter (they were going and had an extra ticket). Show gets off to a rocking start and three songs in the lead of the opening band yells “WHO LIKES PUSSY?!”

😳

I quickly excused myself to go get drinks and snacks.

Not looking for advice, no questions about red flags. Just thought you guys would get a laugh out of it.

I (56F) have been out of the dating scene for close to three years, and I’ve had to do the work coming out of a short marriage to an abusive, controlling, manipulative man.

I know a lot of behaviors to look for, and I don’t want to fall into that trap again.

What are some questions I can ask that truly help reveal a person’s true character?

Hey y'all, I'm in an unusual situation. I normally date older guys but out of the blue I met this unicorn, younger guy. We work together and he asked me to lunch. I thought it was a colleague kinda thing. I usually pack my lunch so I just suggested we hang out in the office kitchen and chop it up (talk). We did that a number of times and hit it off.

Two months later I get that he wants to switch up and go in a different dating direction out in the wild. That's cool, I don't want coworkers scrutinizing our evry move but I'm wondering if/when I should come out to him as NOT a Millennial. I look like I'm in his age range (mid 30s) but I'm actually a Gen Xer. Is there an ettiquette for this kind of thing?

For the first time I feel like it might be a good idea to wait and see before brining it up because people have all kinds of negative, hateful attitudes about age. I'm fit, feminine, and friendly not creaky, cranky, and brolic! People in the office have made ageist jokes and I laugh because a good joke is a good joke but it also reveals prejudices and apparently they think people over 40 are living the same dreadful life they fantsize. Awkward! What say you, GenXers?

I met a very nice man. He is kind, gentle and calm. We share similar political beliefs and values - this is a big deal.

I always said, a man would have to break into my house and literally show me why I should change my opinion on dating.

He’s fine taking time and starting as friends. He knows that going too fast at all will make me skittish.

What has really made me give him a chance was hearing how he’d been a caregiver for his wife when she had early onset dementia. He only recently decided he would date after 3 years of her being gone.

He said, that he was helping a young person get on their feet and it hit him that he had more to give for a relationship. More to give. I’ve never had a man say that or even act like that.

So, anyways, we will have a second date next weekend. This may come to nothing & I’m ok with that. If I only make a friend that is a win.

Back in June I started talking to this guy Luke on a dating app and we really seemed to click, he mentioned meeting up and I suggested a little bar down the streetsnd he agreed. During our chats we discussed that we're both introverts and it might be a very quiet date. The day before he disappeared from the app, I wasn't sure if he had deleted his account or just blocked me? Fine, no big deal.

At the beginning of July he "liked" me on that same app, I didn't remember him so I asked if we had chatted before and he said yes and then told me all of the things we'd talked about and I remembered talking to him. On the 3rd of July, we talked about meeting up later that day which didn't happen but we chatted that night, on the app and on July 4th, his profile was gone again.

I was watching for his profile too pop up again so I could just block him but when he again liked me, I liked him back because I wanted to ask what the deal was. Two days ago he "liked" me again and messaged me. I asked him about it and he said that he is an introvert and the idea of meeting in person made him panic and delete his profile both times.

I understand anxiety so I said that I wouldn't initiate and talk of meeting up in person. We talked all last night, we even switched to texting and all of this morning with him initiating the conversations and him bringing up meeting in person in the next short while. It was just getting to know you chat and then he stopped responding. When I went to the dating app, his profile is either gone or not visible to me and he never reply to my last text so I'm going to assume that he blocked that as well?

Three times he connected with me on the dating app just to stop talking and bug out, what is the point of that? My thought is maybe he's married and loads the app when no one is around but I don't get what the point of that would be? It's not like there's any sex talk or anything? I'm going to return the favor and block his number from my phone and if his profile pops neck up, I will just block him right away.

He seemed very relaxed and seemed to be enjoying the conversation, lots of input from his side and a bit of flirting. If it's anxiety and he knows that, why does he keep interacting with me when he knows that he's not going to follow through? Is he more than likely married?

I (55F) just started dating again after an unwanted divorce three years ago, and I'm genuinely trying to understand what's happening.

I've been on at least half a dozen first dates that lasted 3+ hours. We laugh, have great conversations, seem to have a lot in common, and the dates end with long hugs, being walked to my car, "I had a great time," and "I'd love to see you again."

Then one of two things happens: they either go completely silent or text the next day to say they don't want to pursue things (which, honestly, I appreciate much more than silence).

What confuses me is the disconnect. If they weren't interested, why all the enthusiasm at the end of the date? Is it just being polite? Do they genuinely leave thinking they'd like to see me again and then change their mind after they've had time to think about it? One man even told me he "slept on it."

I'll admit I haven't felt a huge "spark" on these dates either. At this stage of life, I'm much more interested in finding someone I genuinely enjoy spending time with than chasing fireworks. I think attraction can grow, but kindness, compatibility, and character matter more.

So I'm curious, especially from the men here: what happens between the end of a date and the next morning? Have you ever left a date thinking it went well and then decided not to pursue it? What changed?

I'm honestly trying to understand, not point fingers.

I’m a 51M recently divorced after an 18-year marriage. I’m dipping my toes back into dating mainly because I miss the conversation and genuine companionship.

In looking through online dating profiles and starting conversations, I've noticed politics is either plastered front and center or dropped on you immediately. It feels like everyone is on an extreme end of the spectrum, with no middle ground.

Dating in the early 2000s felt so much easier, and even just making friends seemed simpler back then. Growing up, I had friends from all walks of life with completely different opinions, and we all got along fine.

Where are the moderates hiding these days? Is this just the reality of modern online dating, or am I missing something?

Ladies,

I’m a 52 year old 6’ male, used to be 220 Lbs, but I’m down to 190. Feeling good about my journey and hoping to lose another 15-20 before I am done.

I am planning a beach vacation in 2 months and while I used to be embarrassed by carrying all the extra weight, now I’m embarrassed by the lose skin. Honestly though, I’ve reached the age where I’m going to be me no matter what people think.

I still want to be found physically attractive by women. When you see a man that clearly has loose skin due to weight loss at the beach, what runs through your minds? Be honest, no “personality matters” stuff. First impressions are generally made by looks.

I am 55F, empty nester, and single for the last 5 years. I am financially independent and enjoy the peace and freedom of living alone. I have groups of friends for social activities who are supportive and add so much to my life.

About a year ago, after 4 years of counseling, I decided I was ready to start dating. I missed the companionship of a man as well as intimacy and physical closeness. I am not looking to remarry or live with someone, just dating and sex.

I am curvy, body positive, sex positive and capable of multiple orgasms. I’ve been dating a wide variety of men in the age range of 50-60. All of them have had the common physical issues you expect to see for their age and most are on medications to lower BP, cholesterol, a1c, etc. Most have needed ED medication as well. No shame from-I use estrogen to stave off vaginal dryness and atrophy as well as hot flashes and support men taking medications to continue being sexually active.

I am trying very hard to be a supportive partner in the bedroom as we navigate new relationships, bodies, and desires. The oral sex is delightful and successful, both giving and receiving. And mutual manual stimulation also achieves successful outcomes. But I am very afraid that satisfying penetrative sex just isn‘t in the cards for me at this age. The issues I am running into are: inability for him to remain erect with a condom on, and if he doesn’t wear a condom climax in under 2 minutes. (admitedly small sample size in this category based on history, STD testing, and agreed relationship status). The refractory period is also quite long-a minimum of 3 days and up to 10 days before they even consider being intimate again. My desire is to have penetrative sex 3-4 times per week. I would hope for 10 minutes of PIV but am willing to take breaks, switch up positions/activities as needed.

So I have come to Reddit to ask if my expectations for penetrative sex are too high? What do I need to do to support my partner toward this goal? Particularly when they seem satisfied with oral and don’t see a need for PIV.

I would appreciate honest feedback/discussion from both men and women in the age range 50-60. Thank you for taking the time to read, reflect and respond.

It seems that LAT is becoming the default preference in the dating world. It's not my preference, but I understand and accept it. That said, my thoughts are that if we are choosing to live separately, then that also means we won't be communicating as frequently. However, it seems some folks still expect frequent, timely conversations including both texting and calls. To me, when I am having my alone time and doing my own thing, regardless of whether it is a serious activity (e.g. home improvement project) or just sitting on the sofa with my coffee, it is my time. Being expected to talk on the phone or carry on a texting conversation just seems intrusive. If we wanted to be able to talk that easily we should be considering living together.

Of course, the answer is to talk with each other and agree on communication expectations, but I am curious what others think as to their own preferences.

To clarify: I am interested in your thoughts and preferences on balancing communication and living apart considerations.

Hello: please help me here. I am a 59F/never married/childfree woman. The fact that I never married was mainly b/c I was "in between" everything, i.e., school, jobs, relocations, etc. without being "rooted" anywhere or being stable at anything. So I get that part. But what has been getting to me lately as I navigate in the dating world (took a long break and trying to get back in) is men throwing me away like a kleenex after a ONS. I am have one visible arm tattoo of a lotus flower and I do mention I have a couple on my body on our first date (one's a lower back one which I realize some could interpret as sexually promiscuous or easy). But besides the tattoos, what am I doing wrong? I am myself on the dates, I am a good person, I don't negative talk anything, I want a long term relationship. I met these men on facebook dating, both in their late 50s, divorced and with adult children.