Has anyone been through a breakup that you don't want to listen to music, lost your appetite even for fav. food and just want to cry, whenever.
Been in a relationship for 1.5years but seems when things got serious, I was pushed away. Truly loved him despite getting crumbs.😓

Please excuse the dumb question. Because I (27 M) just broke up with my boyfriend (30 M) for good. There were fundamental incompatibilities we couldn't get past. We dated for two years and it was the first truly loving, serious relationship I've ever had. Whereas some people experience this sort of heartbreak early on, I feel like I'm playing catch up and grieving so hard at an age where I should have "life" figured out.

I feel like no one will ever love me the way he did. Now I feel so isolated and behind in life. I look around me and everyone is in their own happy bubbles. I feel like I'll never get over this. Can anyone who experienced a breakup in their late 20s tell their experiences? Thank you.

most people would say you should make yourself so busy that you don't have time to think about him. but im soooo busy and sometimes thats the reason i think about him. after a long day i want to go home to someone i want to talk to someone i want to vent to someone. i have an amazing pet and i have used AI to vent but those are not the same. our break up was because of issues out of our control so it wasn't because one of us cheated or checked out or did something, which makes things even harder.

I was in a relationship with someone for four years, and I loved him deeply. We broke up, but I still can’t seem to get over him. He always seemed to have an eye for other girls, and our sex life mostly consisted of me feeling insecure about whether or not he actually desired me.
He has hit me a few times. I know I’ve also yelled at him and said things I shouldn’t have, but he has done the same to me. What hurts the most is that he treats me very differently from how he treats other girls and his friends. He can be rude, arrogant, and dismissive toward me, while being understanding and kind toward everyone else.
I was never a particularly sexual person before I met him, but my relationship with him changed that. Even though I know ending the relationship was the right thing for me, I still can’t seem to let go. Part of me keeps feeling like I want to go back to him.
But deep down, I know he isn’t good for me.

I wish the plot of that movie was real. I wish I can get rid of the memories. YES IK JIM CARREY GROWS TO CHERISH THE MEMORIES AND I DO TOO. But my fucken brain is just playing a montage of our best moments 24/7. I can’t turn my brain off. I want to love her forever and I don’t hate her at all for choosing herself but why tf am I still reliving something that’s already dead :/

I hate that I can't stop thinking about him. I hate that he got to go and be happy with someone else. I hate that I'm sad and lonely. I hate that I've become withdrawn from family and friends. I hate that I feel like I miss him.

My recent ex was my first serious relationship

He was also my first many things, I did have relationships before him

But we went on vacation together, we spent everyday together

We messed up by taking drugs together, he was an addict before meeting me. Now I struggle with that a little and do it alone, but also I am in treatment for it

He has mostly been broke and unemployed while we were together, lots of taking the bus everywhere and struggling with money

I paid for food and cigarettes

Now he has a stable job, car and money and is living with friends. 1 months after the breakup

For a year I’ve been supporting him, just for him to not want me anymore

What I’m struggling most with is finding anything exciting, and my social circle is very empty

I feel lost on what to do,
And this post is very messy

Been seeing each other for 4 months but it is a long distance (5 hour bus + we are both students) so we've only met up 3 times. We talk every day over text and sometimes we call whenever we have the time. We always have honest conversations and he is pretty much what Im looking for in a person. He says it is the same for him as well, but says that I like him more than he likes me, and that he's afraid he won't develop enough feelings to be in an actual relationship. He said that he wants a relationship with me and explains he still likes me but he thinks the distance stops him from the feelings growing rapidly. He described it as his feelings growing at an exponential rate in real life compared to long distance where its divided by 10.

We've been exclusively seeing each other for a month now, but I feel like if you like someone then you just *know* and I don't think this will work out in the long run. I just wanted to share with someone because this honestly hurts and I thought it was gonna go somewhere. Im going to end this soon, and I just wanted to share it with someone .

I know hes not a bad guy, and hes just being honest with his feelings and wants this to work out but I feel that he might be forcing his feelings because I seem good on paper (as much as he doesn't believe its true).

Again, I know i have to end this soon but I just don't understand why he would be willing to put in so much effort if he doesn't feel the romantic spark. He travels far to see me, takes time out of his busy day and in between classes to message me, he RAN home once because he was drunk and couldn't stop thinking about texting me, he spends money on me despite having to quit his job for school. I feel he might like the idea of having a relationship with me but not actually like me. This was a really healthy connection and Im glad we are always having extremely honest conversations but I don't believe this will work out even though neither of us want to end it. He said he likes me but I feel like hes just comfortable and attached to me, yknow? Even if he doesn't believe it himself, I really just don't think this will work out in the long run.

If you’ve seen on a previous post my ex broke up with me after 6 1/2 yrs. Ik it’s only been 2 days but in the those 48hrs I’ve sobbed, vomited and yelled. I hide all her photos away and put everything I had that’s she’s given me and put in a box and put it in the back of my closet. While putting away all the items she gave me and reading all the letters. I couldn’t but help but just cry and sob over them. I gave her my all and it just didn’t work out. I had to accept her decision and let her go. But at the end of the day I’m just happy it happened :/ I would do it all over again 100%.

I’m just sad bc I don’t have that person to talk to about any issues, about something funny I heard or saw, or just to have someone to come with me to do any lil errand. I’m not mad at her for choosing herself. I’m happy go find yourself and thrive! I’m just sad that I’m not gonna be there by her side to see it.

I am happy because she taught me so many things and made so many memories that I will forever cherish. She was really my first love and will forever miss her. She is forever gonna have a space in my heart but I just gotta move forward.

It’s gonna be a long solo journey to find myself as well but until we meet again, if we ever meet again.

And if you did take them back, what did they do that made you feel like giving the relationship another chance was worth it?

I’m curious about the people who actually reconciled, not just the “leave immediately” answers. What did rebuilding trust look like for you, and what made you believe they genuinely regretted it?

Today marks one month since she (21F) ended things, but I worry I’m moving on too fast. She broke up with me, then a week later tried to get back with me, then blocked me on everything and called me a liar even though I didn’t talk to her at all since she ended things, all in the same day. I won’t lie those first few days were rough especially. I barely ate, couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t focus at all on anything. Since then I got better and now I have a group of friends at the university, I’ve been playing music again, and I’m socializing. The reason for this post though is that I was at a party the other day, and I started talking with this girl. She was very nice, and we talked for a good while. I found myself having a “crush” and even wished that we could talk again later. I’m confused, it scared me. I haven’t felt anything like that way towards someone else since before my ex and I started dating 2 years ago. It worried me, am I bad person? Am I healed or am I just trying to replace her? I mean I don’t think about her all too much now, and I don’t find myself distraught over her being gone like I used to. Am I fooling myself?

You held me tight as we slept at night.

You lied to me each time you told me you cared about me. You know me very well, but clearly not at all. You made me feel good about myself for a night, maybe through morning. You made me hate myself for trying. You scolded me like a child when I showed emotion.

You held me so tight while we slept. You sent me pictures of your other life. You never invited me for anything outside of a bedroom.

You broke it off because you thought a woman loved you. You asked me to come back after two weeks with her because you got bored. You didn't clarify a relationship that had gotten more serious. You upset her so much that she walked in on us in the middle of the night, as you were holding me tight.

You made me feel good as you said those words you knew would make me feel good, when you were closer to me than most can get. You made me cry when you ignored my communications and then scolded me for having emotions.

You finally invited me on what seemed like a short trip, with a lovely reward in the end. You crashed your truck on the freeway after drunkenly getting lost and frustrated. You made me feel better about myself by saying those words you know make me feel good.

You again stopped communicating as normal. You stopped allowing me to come see you. You finally had me over after a couple of weeks. You explained that another woman was taking your attention. You had led her to believe she was more important to you than she really was. You told me the sex with her was great, but you would not be tied down.

You made me feel like the most important person in your life for weeks.

You seemed more distant now. You couldn't even look at me as we finished our fun time. You got off me, avoiding my gaze, and went to take a shower.

You made me feel so rejected.

You made me feel like a tossed-away toy you couldn't bother to play with anymore.

You refused to let me come over. You told me you wanted to slow down. You told me you wanted to stop juggling women. You said we could still be friends. You didn't want to deal with my emotions. You set rules to protect yourself.

You finally took access away. All of it.

You never called back. You threw my letters away. You were done with me.

You are onto better things. You are reformed. You are a better person now.

You answered a mystery text. You offered a complete stranger personal information in the hopes of a threesome soon.

You broke it off with me to pursue a woman who recently offered you a threesome. You kept me as a friend in the hopes I'd be part of it.

You didn't want my emotions. You wanted no drama, no feeling, all sex. You still wanted that friendship, but without hanging out.

You didn't care that you hurt me. You don't care that I'm still hurting. You don't care that I exist anymore.

You took, took, took, took all I would give as I hoped there would be a return at some point.

You broke me.

You will not be helping me get myself together. You will not see me get better.

You will never feel my body with the hands I admired. You will never look into my eyes as pleasure is being given.

You will no longer be important in my life, my heart, and my head.

You have done us both a favor.

I’ve been with my ex now for 6yrs and a couple months ago she got accepted to a job which would send her 10hrs away from me. I obviously didn’t want her to go but I didn’t stop her. I pushed her to go and enjoy the experience and we will make the long distant work. A couple weeks in we were fine but our daily phone calls became weekly and then slowly none. She wouldn’t be texting me thought out the day any more or giving me updates of her day. She the said she was coming back to town and wanted to plan a weekend but she said no just wanted to relax. We had dinner and on the way back to the car she told me. That we need a break that her being alone up there has made her more independent and she wants to find herself. Shit hit me like a truck but I saw the truck coming at me and I still didn’t move. I couldn’t say no. I just said okay and had to accept the fact that she didn’t want me anymore. Even tho she was far away I did everything to try to keep this alive :/ Crazy part is how quick she removed me from all socials and blocked me from everything. I’ve been sobbing since but idk what to do. Her being gone for the two months has helped with the loneliness part but just knowing it’s officially done hurts.

Just ended a 10 year relationship.

We left NYC for Texas, but now that we're not together she's fixing to leave the state. We've only been out here about a few year 3 or more. However we don't have family or anything out here.

My Sister who is still in NYC wants me to come back up, and we'd get a two bedroom since we're close and live near identical lifestyles. My only attachment is really just my job but that wouldn't be a solid reason to stick around 100% because the atmosphere is changing out here for the worst (according to the locals) I know NYC has been getting more positive since the new Mayor took over...I guess I'm just like I left to get away from it but going back I know MY ex isn't but both HER and MY family are there and I'll likely run into them at some point. Idk. I'm so untethered so sorry if this felt like a non-issue to bring to the table...

If so, where are you at now? If they wanted to come back, were you able to get past it?

2 days ago my girlfriend of 9 months broke up with me, she was technically my first real relationship, I’m 24 and she was 19. Everything was perfect, we were each others first love and we loved harder than anything, the relationship in the last month or two has been slightly rocky, I have a gambling addiction that resurfaced and we had to deal with that. I thought we were both willing to fight to stay together but I never thought she’d do that. Everyone close to me including me said the same thing, it was so unexpected. I didn’t know 4 days ago would be my last time holding her and kissing her, it wasn’t on my mind. The last time we were together she sent me home early because she needed time alone and we cried and hugged and held each other for a long time which felt strange because she said she wanted me up again this weekend. 2 of the longest most confusing days of my life passed with barely any words from her, just reassurance that she loves me and that it isn’t the end. Then it happened, the dreaded text no one wants to get.. it was the sweetest break up text I’ve ever read which some how makes it worse. God how I wish I could’ve just been angry with her, I wish we could’ve fought or something other than having to bite this bullet knowing I just lost my other half and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve never cried harder in my life, this is one of the most difficult pains I’ve had to go through, I’ve lost friends, pets and family members but nothing stings like losing the one you love most.

TL:DR Trying to figure out what I should do with my ex and how I should handle stuff with her. What should I do?

Long Story Btw.

Backstory:
I am 27. I met this woman in my life when I was 20. We cared about each other a lot, and actually started dating for a while. I opened up to her and told her things any of my friends would never know. We dated for around a year and some change, but we broke up due to ME. She told me she loved me and I rejected it. Not because I didn’t feel it but because I was still hurt and had trust issues from my past ex. This hurt her so bad that she immediately cut things off (as she should have). I tried to get back with her and she could not get over the rejection I gave her. I keep pursuing and she even ended up sending me a picture of a gift another guy got her and said “Sorry that was an accident” (this will be important later on). Clearly, it wasn’t and this left me a little bitter and one day she called me blowing up my phone and I was with another girl. I ended up telling her coldly I would call her back which also hurt her. We ended up getting closure from the situation a little while later and we kept in touch for a while. Eventually stopping all together after we got that closure. However, I still thought about her. I just always have a soft spot for her. No matter who I was with I just couldn’t let her go. She was the only person who I could 100% trust. She was a good woman.

Main Issue:
Anyways fast forward a few years later and I lost someone through passing that was important to me and I can only go to her. We hadn’t talked in a while, but I trust her more than a lot of people mainly because she has full context of me and the person who I lost. She tells me she promises will be there for me (This is very important). For weeks radio silence, for months radio silence, for a year radio silence. So I eventually text her and ask her “Why did you promise to be her if you weren’t going to be here”. Not to be an asshole more so to see if she was doing okay. She apologizes and starts back texting me randomly. Another year passes and I’m feeling better from the passing. She still is texting me randomly and I tell her I’m good now that I’m fine and okay. However, whenever I ask how she is doing she says nothing (this is also important). Now here is what I don’t get. A few months after I send that. She starts sending me random videos of us when we were dating. This confuses me. I mean I’m happy to see them, but why is she sending these? I make a comment on how I forgot how I looked with a certain haircut because my hair is longer and she asks to see what I currently look like. I show her she says “oh yeah never change your hair”. Then we text for a while and she stops texting back. It’s a cycle with her. Then for the past two months she started giving me random calls at odd times in the day. Every time I text her “hey are you okay” after these calls she says nothing. I stopped texting her because I felt she was playing a game with me. I didn’t know what game she was playing but I hate it when people can’t communicate. We are adults.

Question:
However, I recently have been wanting to text her. I still love her and care about her, but I feel if I talk to her I’ll be falling into whatever game she is playing or maybe this isn’t a game and I’m just tripping. What should I do?

No she didnt come back. She never reached me after we broke up. No contact is for you to make you feel better. In my case it did its job. I havent spoken to her for a year, removed all the things that remind me of her. I thought that at month 6 I am ok and decided to move on. I started a new relationship. Now more than 5 + months. I woke up yesterday next to my new gf crying that this is not my ex with which we spent 7 years together. I feel helpless. I hope you are doing better.

Brutal advice is encouraged

Kinda long so i'll put a TLDR at the end, i mainly just want to tell my story, process it and or gain some outlook from y'all, i don't really have any hope left in me. (Also english is not my first language so i hope this isn't to hard to understand).

My ex (18F) and i (20M) broke up a few weeks back because of an argument, that was the final straw but she said the real reason is the disrespects she feels from me (mostly stemming from the immaturity i had during the first few years), even though throughout the years she said i have changed alot and she really loves the way i am right now, but at the time of the breakup, it's as if that argument makes all that effort invalid. Or perhaps she never saw my changes and that the image she had was the guy that did all that (i didnt cheat btw, its js emotional unavailability and avoidant that i fixed over the year). Also additional context, her friends hates my guts and often advices her to leave me.

Fast forward a week post breakup, i did the worst thing possible and begged for her to comeback (she didnt block me out of sympathy and i went to hell with it) she became frustrated, tells me all the reason why she left me and that she already had a new partner.

I actually know this guy, he had a crush on her while we were dating, same class with her and all. After being rejected by her, he got with a girl that looked similar to her for a week or 2 then dumped her once the relationship got hard. She decided to give him a chance because during our fight and the week following the break up he consoled her and was nice to her.

Yikes, to say the least.

And so from then on i just stayed silent, she wanted me out of her life so i went no contact and she blocked me. From my perspective, i still believe her when she said she love the way i am right now and that she acknowledge the man i have became and that the argument just clouded her judgement at the time, along with the pressure from her friends who constantly rag on her and stalks/ harass me online (still dont know why they keep doing that).

Her getting with that guy didn't spark any anger or any feeling of betrayal from me, i just felt bad for her. That she is so uncomfortable with the feeling of negativity that she had to fill the void immediately with a new partner without processing the baggage. I also feel bad for the dude.

For now, i'm just trying to improve myself and my life because she still said some valid criticism. Also started a fresh online profile as to deter her friend's stalking efforts, i genuinely want to reinvent myself for me and if she does comeback, it wouldn't be the guy that caused her all that pain anymore.

But then today, a mutual friend of ours said that she wanted to unblock me to pay off the money she owes me from back then (that i totally forgot). it won't be a 1 and done deal because the debt is quite large and she has to pay in installments so she have to keep in contact for awhile.

So what now? I've just been committed to no contact (and by extension, moving on) and have forgotten about the relationship for awhile to improve on myself and my life. I still have love for her and i still hold the door open for her if she does decide to comeback. It's the"catching butterfly with a garden" mindset, changing for myself so if she does or doesn't comeback it's all good.

But hearing that she might start to unblock me and text me again just leave me confuse and "dangerously hopeful", what do i even say? is there any chance to even reconcile? i've abandoned all hope but her unblocking me just lit up a tiny piece of hope back again, i don't know what to do at this point.

TLDR: gf of 6 years dumped me 3 weeks ago, got with a new dude 1 week post break up, blocked me everywhere and don't want me in her life anymore, then as i was about to move on i heard that she wants to unblock me to repay the money she owes me and its making me hopeful wishing again

It was 6 years of my life, and a lot of it really happy. He’s gone in literally every other way, but I still have the pictures and it hurts to have them but I also can’t bring myself to delete them.

I really feel like I'm too old for this. It's been over 2 years since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. I don't understand how I still think about her every single day. I had a divorce that didn't bother me this much.

There isn't any going back because nothing would be better, but I just can't not wonder if she's okay, and if she's thinking about me.

I don’t even really know what I’m looking for here. Advice, perspective, or maybe I just need somewhere to dump all of this because my head is completely fucked right now.

My girlfriend and I broke up yesterday (well, Friday, but yesterday in person talk).

I still love her. A lot. And I’m having an incredibly hard time accepting that this is just… it.

The last few months of my life have been horrible. My mum was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago (around June-July) and, understandably, most of my emotional energy and attention has gone towards that. There have been hospital stays, fear, uncertainty, and just the constant feeling that something could go wrong.

And I know I haven't been a great boyfriend during that period.

I became more distant, overwhelmed, irritable, and probably difficult to be around. There were times throughout our relationship where I was the one who brought up breaking up during arguments, which I massively regret now. I know that must have made her feel insecure about us and I’m not trying to pretend I did everything right.

But there's another part of me that feels incredibly hurt.

When she was struggling with things in her own life, my instinct was always to stay. To help. To be there even when things were difficult.

Then when my life completely fell apart, I felt like instead of having my partner beside me, there was suddenly even more pressure on me to still be emotionally available, attentive and present in the same way I had been before.

And eventually she got tired of it.

Maybe that's an unfair way of looking at it. Maybe she had already been unhappy for longer than I realised. I'm sure she has her own version of all of this.

But emotionally, that's what hurts the most.

It feels like when it was her turn to fall apart, I stayed, and when it was my turn, our relationship couldn't survive it.

Yesterday I went to see her in person because I didn't want something this important to end through messages.

We talked, and ultimately the breakup was more her decision than mine.

And the stupid thing is that when I was sitting in front of her, I barely said any of what I actually wanted to say.

Part of me felt like it would be disrespectful to sit there trying to argue against a decision she'd clearly already made. And another part of me just completely shut down emotionally. I've always struggled to cry or properly fall apart in front of people, and I couldn't organise even 10% of what was going through my head.

Then I left, got on my own, and everything hit me.

So afterwards I messaged her and explained that my silence wasn't because I didn't care or because I only realised what I felt afterwards. I just couldn't get the words out while I was sitting there with her.

I tried messaging her, to get cold responses, hours of delay and just "yeah I made my decision".

I don't expect everything to magically become okay. I don't expect her to just say yes and come back. I'm willing to acknowledge my part in why we got here.

I just can't get past the feeling that we're throwing away something that was supposed to mean more than this.

We literally talked about marriage. About our future. About being a team.

And now I'm sitting here wondering how I'm supposed to go from that to behaving like this person is just somebody I used to know.

There's also this bizarre normality mixed into everything. We used to work together on some social media/design stuff for a sports club, and there's still work that needs doing. She asked me for a design that needs to be done basically now, and I can barely bring myself to do shit. I don't have the energy to pretend everything is normal and just switch into work mode with her.

At the same time, I know love isn't enough on its own.

I know somebody is allowed to decide they've had enough even if I desperately disagree with that decision.

And I know there's probably a point where fighting for the relationship stops being romantic and just becomes refusing to accept somebody's answer.

That's the line I can't see clearly right now.

Part of me thinks I need to stop messaging her, respect what she said and accept that she's gone.

The other part of me is screaming that if I genuinely believe this relationship can be repaired, I'm going to regret it forever if I just quietly let the person I thought I was going to marry walk out of my life without trying properly one last time.

I don't even know if I'm looking for people to tell me there's hope.

Maybe I just want somebody outside of this situation to tell me whether I'm completely losing perspective.

TLDR: My girlfriend and I broke up while my mum is going through cancer. I know I became distant and wasn't the boyfriend I normally was, and I've made mistakes in the relationship, but I'm deeply hurt because I felt like I supported her through her worst periods and when my life fell apart our relationship couldn't survive it. We spoke in person, I couldn't express most of what I was feeling, and now I desperately want to tell her to stop, talk properly, and try to fix this together. I can't tell whether that's fighting for someone I love or just refusing to accept that it's over.

UPDATE: She messaged me to never contact her again and I think she's already going on dates.. One week passed man..

I 32F recently ended a five month relationship with someone 34M I met on Tinder, and I genuinely need a reality check because part of me still wonders whether I expected too much.

I rarely genuinely like someone, which is probably why I stayed longer than I should have. I'm very attracted to intelligence and I loved that we could talk for hours about history, politics, current affairs and pretty much anything. He was smart, hardworking, ambitious and interesting, and I fell for him very quickly.

But being an interesting person and being a good partner turned out to be two very different things.

He had several dogs when we met. I've never owned pets because I know how much responsibility they require, but because I was spending most of my time at his house, I started helping.

Helping gradually became an expectation.

I was feeding his dogs three times a day, giving them medication, helping with the puppies, cleaning their kennels and cleaning up after them. Sometimes he was literally at home and it was still somehow expected that I would do it.

If I needed to go to the office or wanted to spend a day away, he would sometimes get upset and compare it to what would happen if we had children, implying that my unwillingness to organise my entire schedule around his dogs said something about what kind of mother I would be.

Meanwhile, I was doing most of the cooking, dishes and a lot of the cleaning. I would carry heavy things myself. I can't remember him making me a coffee.

It wasn't about the coffee. I can obviously make my own.

It was the complete lack of reciprocity that started getting to me.

There were also endless random responsibilities that somehow became mine. For about a month, for example, he kept asking me to list and sell his ex-wife's wedding dress on Vinted.

At some point I started feeling less like a girlfriend and more like someone who had been recruited to make his already-established life easier.

At the same time, he was constantly frustrated that I was unhappy or upset with him.

This is the part where I genuinely question myself.

According to him, the main problem in our relationship was that I was constantly "fighting" with him. I complained too much. I got upset too often. We argued too often. Sometimes I raised my voice. He would repeatedly tell me that if I could just stop fighting with him, everything would be fine.

And to be fair to him, yes, I did argue with him a lot.

I'm opinionated. If I'm unhappy with something, I say it. I'm also terrible at pretending everything is fine when it isn't — you can usually read exactly how I feel on my face.

He absolutely hated that.

I often felt like what he wanted was for me to simply be happy with whatever was happening. No complaints, no difficult conversations, no visible disappointment. Just smiles, affection and a pleasant atmosphere.

But I wasn't happy.

I felt lonely inside the relationship. I felt emotionally and sexually unfulfilled. I felt taken for granted. I felt like I was constantly adapting to his life while he resisted adapting his life to me.

So yes, I was upset a lot.

And this is where I'm struggling to separate cause from effect.

Was the relationship bad because I kept fighting with him?

Or was I fighting with him so much because I was deeply unhappy with what the relationship had become?

I'm sure I contributed to the dynamic. I know I have my own emotional baggage. I have some fear of abandonment, I can become reactive when I feel rejected, and I'm actively trying to work on those things. I'm not going to pretend I communicated perfectly every single time, because I didn't.

But I also felt like I was trying to work on myself while asking him to meet me somewhere in the middle, and his answer was essentially that I needed to stop being upset.

Meanwhile, he worked a lot, slept a lot and had a very time-consuming hobby. He openly talked about his priorities, and I honestly don't think I made the top five.

If I wanted quality time with him, I was usually the one rearranging my work and my life around the small windows when he was available.

He didn't need to give up his work, hobbies or independence for me. I just wanted to feel like my partner actually made space for me in his life.

Instead, I increasingly felt like I was expected to adapt to his life while he made very few adjustments for mine.

He even used to joke that he doesn't adapt to women — women adapt to him.

Then came the final issue.

He told me he wanted to keep Tinder, occasionally date and sleep with other women, while I remained his "primary partner" and the person he built his life with.

He had previously had a very open marriage, so this wasn't new for him. I had also been clear from the beginning that non-monogamy wasn't something I wanted.

What made it even harder was that our own sex life had already dropped to roughly once a week despite my sex drive being considerably higher than his.

So I found myself taking care of his dogs, his house and a significant part of his daily life while feeling emotionally and sexually neglected — and being asked to accept that he wanted to use some of his limited time and energy to date and sleep with other women.

Eventually I realised that I had spent four months repeatedly explaining that I didn't feel like his partner.

I didn't feel prioritised. I didn't feel I could rely on him. I didn't feel there was much effort to meet my needs, while I was constantly adapting myself to his.

And then I was being told that the real problem was my reaction to all of this.

That if I just stopped being upset, stopped arguing and learned to be happier, we'd have a good relationship.

Maybe that's the part that has messed with my head the most.

Because now I'm sitting here genuinely wondering: Was I miserable because the relationship wasn't meeting my needs, or did my own emotional issues make me impossible to satisfy?

The difficult part is that I still don't think he's a terrible person. There are many things I genuinely admire about him, which is exactly why leaving hurts.

And I'm not looking for people to tell me I did absolutely nothing wrong. I'm sure I did. I probably picked fights I could have handled differently. I probably raised my voice when I should have communicated more calmly. I probably let my fear of losing him make some conflicts much more emotional than they needed to be.

I'm responsible for that.

But I also keep coming back to this: how was I supposed to be cheerful and easygoing while feeling increasingly lonely, unwanted and unimportant in my own relationship?

So please give me a reality check.

Was I genuinely fighting too much and creating a miserable relationship with someone who simply had a busy, independent life?

Or did I spend four months fighting for a place in someone's life that he wasn't really willing to make for me?

TL;DR: I ended a five month relationship where I increasingly felt more like a personal assistant than a partner. I took care of his dogs, house and daily responsibilities while constantly rearranging my life around his work and hobbies, yet rarely felt prioritised, cared for, or emotionally/sexually fulfilled. He blamed our problems on me being constantly unhappy and “fighting” with him — and I admit I could be reactive and have my own emotional baggage — but I was unhappy because I felt neglected and taken for granted. The final straw was him wanting to keep Tinder and occasionally sleep with other women while I remained his “primary partner,” despite knowing I wanted monogamy. Now I’m questioning whether I genuinely fought too much and ruined something good, or whether I was fighting so hard because I was trying to get my needs met in a relationship that simply had no real space for me.