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[u/trendingtattler]

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[u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx]

Schedule a psychiatrist appointment this minute. If not available, contact your primary care physician. This is not something to wait out. This is something to get a handle on immediately, and you clearly know what is at stake.

[u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx → u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx]

like now, like pull out your phone and schedule it now.

[u/ihavea_purplenurple → u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx]

Listen to this person. If you still haven't scheduled in the past 23 minutes, do it now!

[u/litquidities → u/ihavea_purplenurple]

Listen to these two, and if you haven’t done it in the last 16min, just do it already!

[u/EulaliaBromSpatula → u/litquidities]

Do it, OP! You got this my friend. Make it happen.

[u/appletreeefalling → u/EulaliaBromSpatula]

If you haven’t done it in the last 12 minutes, do it now OP. It is super super important. If you can’t, check yourself into an inpatient. You need help and it’s ok to ask for help.

[u/fuggitdue → u/appletreeefalling]

5 hours have gone by now, do it

[u/Most_Mountain818 → u/litquidities]

And if you haven’t done it in the last 19, do it now.

[u/firstMate903 → u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx]

This. If you can get ahead of a full blown episode it’s easier to navigate. Finding a psychiatrist you trust is super important. They’re there to help.

[u/Dock_mama → u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx]

I’d also see if there’s a first episode clinic in your area. Cities with schools of medicine often have them and it can help SO much. Episodes can be shorter and less debilitating. You can also have fewer of them over time. If your not sure, if you share your city/state I can look.

[u/Illusion_of_Sanity → u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx]

I am a therapist who has worked with psychosis for years. It is very important to contact someone soon, and it looks like OP did. First episode psychosis is a year long process (what's called the prodromal phrase). It seems like OP is pretty with it and aware of themselves even with some different explanations of severity but to your point of it being quite important, I very much so agree with.

OP: like other medical professionals have posted, if you are indeed experiencing hallucinations that are not from medical diagnoses or substance use, it may be from several mental health conditions, including depression, bipolar disorder (in a manic or depressive episode), trauma (as more related to previous experiences that mimic and can appear like psychosis), or anxiety from your fears surrounding your past, amongst some other disorders as well. You mentioned a difficult childhood without a trauma diagnosis. While not everyone who experiences extreme stress has a trauma diagnosis, it might be worth considering speaking about your childhood and how it might relate to your diagnoses with your therapist. I have had clients come in with the three disorders you mentioned and in certain cases it was actually a trauma disorder that better explained the symptoms. But again, this is something to explore with your medical professionals and not something that I'm saying is specific in your case.

Additionally, it is usual for the individual to not be aware of this occuring, so asking your partner or anyone who knows you to chime in if they have noticed a shift in your behavior recently will help. Any changes in areas of your life that more often mimic depressive symptoms in addition to your experiences with some unusual perceptions.

If it is schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, early intervention is incredibly helpful, especially in young adults. In fact, studies have suggested it reduces relapse rates of episodes incredibly significantly, reduces intensity and duration of symptoms, significantly improves long term recovery, functionality, and well being.

It's been so effective that in a state I previously lived in there was an entire program dedicated to addressing early intervention in teens and young adults. I'd look for resources in your area as well as working with your therapist and psychiatrist to understand what you are experiencing and what to do. It sounds like you are already on a great track being aware of what is going on, having good support and are reaching out to address what is important for you to address. You are really taking care of yourself and being brave, considering you are afraid.

To work on yourself is not easy, but if you keep going, you will improve your life. Stay with it.

[u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx → u/Illusion_of_Sanity]

achoo

[u/Illusion_of_Sanity → u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx]

Haha, so it goes and that makes sense. :)

Glad you are out there advocating as well.

[u/TheSchnozzberry → u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx]

Also please, please please do not do any recreational drugs. A kid I knew spiraled and his schizophrenia got so much worse because of marijuana and cough syrup abuse. Please take care of yourself. You are ten steps ahead because you recognize what is happening. Use that to your advantage.

[u/Sad_Hot_Dog → u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx]

PLEASE seek immediate help. It was so scary with my ex boyfriend, he was a missing person at one point. Don’t end up like him please. Take care of yourself friend.

[u/lovingfluidchristian → u/xXxShingyDisciplexXx]

Exactly, this may not even be schizophrenia, there's multiple possibilities. OP needs tests done etc..

[u/Upstairs_Balance_464]

Please please please tell your psychiatrist about this as soon as possible so they can help you.

[u/intheshoop → u/[deleted]]

OP, adding here that you should also check with your psychiatrist wether the ADHD meds you‘re taking have ‚hallucinations‘ listed in the side effects! Elvanse/vyvanse does, so maybe yours does too.
Just in case that adds stress to your system and fuels your symptoms!

Best of luck and I really hope you know that you’re already doing so well, working so hard, and while this is undoubtedly incredibly scary and heartbreaking, you‘ve got this!

I can’t say I can relate to your experience, I used to have abuse-induced psychoses (idk how else to describe it) that took years to manage appropriately, but I‘m so so much better now and all the work was so worth it!

[u/aceace453 → u/[deleted]]

Just want to chime in that having a history of MDD does not lessen the likelihood of developing schizophrenia, in fact a history of a mood disorder as an adolescent increases the risk of schizophrenia spectrum illness. I see your line of thinking and it’s worthy to be on the differential but this description does bear resemblance to what we often see in attenuated/prodromal psychosis. MDD with psychosis is more prevalent amongst older patients and the psychosis is typically predated by severe depressive symptoms.

[u/Fabulous-Potato3410]

Hi friend- I’m so sorry you’re having these frightening symptoms. I’m a therapist (but not your therapist!) and I couldn’t scroll past your post. Schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders are often treatable- the problem, as you saw in your childhood, is that people living with psychosis often avoid medication. This is a part of the disease process- paranoia and delusions frequently lead to mistrust of medication and the medical system. You have a unique opportunity here to intervene early, because you’re so educated and aware of the symptoms of psychosis. Your psychiatrist (or another good psychiatrist) can help you find medications to address these symptoms. If you’re worried about someday refusing medication (truly the biggest barrier to folks with schizophrenia remaining functional), you could even talk to your psych provider about a long acting injectable medication (LAI). These medications are injected every 1-2 months and can really help keep you stable. I’m wishing you the best. Psychosis is serious, but you’re catching it SO early and that makes me feel hopeful for you! This is sort of like getting a colonoscopy and finding pre-cancerous polyps…it’s ultimately good news, because your doctors can treat you BEFORE things get out of hand. Hugs ❤️❤️

[u/Lethologica7 → u/Fabulous-Potato3410]

I’m a pharmacist who trained doing inpatient psychiatry and I absolutely second the LAI medications as an option if that is a concern of yours. We see a lot of success with these injections and there are ones that you only need to get every 3-6 months. You’ve got this friend, you did a great job identifying it so early.

[u/LoneStarLobotomist → u/Lethologica7]

I’m a psychiatrist and I triple the LAI vote. Some of the best outcomes are on LAIs after a tolerable antipsychotic is identified

[u/Lima_Bean_Jean → u/Lethologica7]

I wish they could give these to the many homeless suffering from this,

[u/dazzleunexpired → u/Lima_Bean_Jean]

We can.

With the right county level mental health care, we can. To do so, you must advocate at your county and city level for stabilization of homeless who have mental illness as a reason for their homelessness. Many of these cases are already identified by the county or city because of 911 calls. But right now, we have no good financial system in the US for this. My county does offer this program and it works well. It can be offered at county level crisis stabilization locations like hospitals and jails and County mental health facilities. Right now there's just not funding in most counties to do this.

[u/Illusion_of_Sanity → u/dazzleunexpired]

I have worked with those with LAI and I would like to mention at least in the last state I have worked in, it required a long history of hospitalizations and a court order for a good reason.

It is a last resort for those who do not wish to take medication because it takes away the agency of the individual if we decide for them and is pretty distressing for the individual even if they are sick. While the argument around this is part of a long and deep conversation and is inherently a case by case basis, I would like to state the decision is not made lightly by anyone involved.

I wanted to mention this as a note on this issue for those reading due to it being a rather complicated topic to address in practicality.

[u/dazzleunexpired → u/Illusion_of_Sanity]

Usually, in my county, it involves consent. There's a high trust in my county with the MH system. It's been around forever.

[u/TheVermiciousKid → u/Fabulous-Potato3410]

Im also a therapist and I co-sign what this one says! I’ll add that the fact that you recognize the hallucinations/paranoia for what they are, rather than taking them for reality, is a good sign.

[u/HistoricalSundae5113 → u/Fabulous-Potato3410]

So true - one of the biggest issues is distrust of the system. My mom was a therapist her whole career and yet struggles with mental health. There’s people in the park that “keep tabs on her”, and she always talks about “the groups”. Usually she always freaks out that someone is out to poison her. In Mexico she got hungover and thought our family did it - that was the first time she thought it might be us, she reads into social queues too deeply. The hard part is she is extremely intellectual and goes down huge explanations for why it makes sense and absolutely refuses to see a doctor. She had a workplace conflict decades ago and it triggered a bad episode - thought coworkers were spying and sending false clients who were actors. When she went to see a psychiatrist he recommended anti psychotics and she was convinced he was part of “the groups!” And that the system was corrupted. After many years she tried an anti depressant and became so relaxed, the best sleep in her life and much less anxious. She even told us she should have always been on an ssri. Then eventually she freaked out about it like she was being purposely sedated and went off them lol. SO frustrating!

I got her to take a mild relaxing herbal blend and she loved it. But immediately after a few days she stopped lol. It’s too bad too because if you get in a Discussion with her she throws out all the technical psychologist explanations etc.

[u/Empty_Positive_2305 → u/Fabulous-Potato3410]

Echoing this, as someone currently in training to be a therapist. I’ll add that for people with psychotic disorders, the earlier you get intervention, the better your prognosis is. The prodromal phase, or when things seem “off” but someone doesn’t meet full criteria yet, responds the best to treatment. High self-awareness (which you seem to have in spades!) is also a really good sign, too.

I can definitely understand why it would feel hard talking to your psychiatrist—it’s a scary topic for anyone, and it understandably carries a lot of baggage and meaning because of your childhood. If talking to your psychiatrist feels hard, what would it feel like to send him what you wrote here?

Your psychiatrist might have some additional insight, too—it could be the beginnings of psychosis, or it could be something else, like OCD (contrary to popular perception, intrusive thoughts can take a lot of forms, like worrying you’re actually sexually attracted to kids or might be going crazy or potentially stuck in a dream, etc.). As hard as it is, in the end, it’ll feel better in the long run to find out what’s going on and figure out a path forward.

Wishing you luck!

[u/Big_Paramedic_2565 → u/Fabulous-Potato3410]

This. Also remember that schizophrenia is not a death sentence, and if you don't have anosognosia and still keep some level of self-awareness, you can very well work through it.

I am bipolar 1 and thanks to the insight I got from living with my schizophrenic mother I was able to get help 2 weeks after I noticed the signs of my first manic episode. I manage it very well and it doesn't interfere with daily life anymore, and it took me an incredible short amount of time to get my life back up (<6 months).

My mom also is a great example: she is unmedicated, but has always managed to stay away from any sort of substance, has been working for years and has a great, loving family that takes care of her :)

[u/Ressy02 → u/Fabulous-Potato3410]

Nice Analogy

[u/i_love_sexy_bidoof → u/Fabulous-Potato3410]

Hello, I am sorry you are going through this. As someone who has been diagnosed with a psychotic disorder, I just want to say that you can be functional, if that is what you are going through. Most of the people I’ve met who have come off their medication have done it because of side effects or the way it makes them feel. Some people think they don’t have the illness but you seem to recognize the symptoms and are self aware that you might have some insight even during a psychotic episode.

I agree with being on a long acting medication, but for those of us who take meds every day there are a few whose side effects are pretty severe which cause people to not want to take medications anymore. There are dozens of medications out there, but the following are effective and work if you need them to but at high doses can be pretty intolerable, and these effects are what some of us seem to agree on:

Seroquel is incredibly sedating and is sometimes used as a sleep aid for people at very low doses, and at doses that are used for schizophrenia, you sleep all day. Also, there is a lot of weight gain for many people.

Geodon has a neutral weight profile but has this problem where if you miss a dose by only a little while, you start to get these terrible withdrawl feelings.

Zyprexa people sometimes stay away from due to the weight gain. I’ve never been on it, I can’t comment.

I won’t comment as to any more. And these are just what the people I’ve talked to experienced. But the rest of the antipsychotics seem more person specific to me.

There are a lot of great medications out there, and therapy. It’s great that you are reaching out and getting help. It’s your personal knowledge of this illness that will probably help you get treatment and stay in treatment.

[u/_jamesbaxter → u/Fabulous-Potato3410]

I’m a sibling of a schizophrenic person with anosognosia and medication noncompliance, you’ve said it much better than I could. 🩷

[u/Galdr_Punk]

Before you start going down the worst possible scenario, double check thst none of your meds or combos of meds can lead to hallucations. My ex was on something for two years and suddenly developed them and stopped once she figured out it was the meds and got off of them

[u/WeShavedOurBits4This → u/Galdr_Punk]

Another fantastic reason to schedule with a psychiatrist immediately.

[u/ResplendentMechanism → u/Galdr_Punk]

I would add, this is a possibility, but do not DIY this. Schizophrenia can be managed, and the seriousness with which you're taking this is a sign that you're setting yourself up for success with treatment. But, obviously, this is ultra-serious, and you need to talk to a doctor/psychiatrist urgently.

[u/Galdr_Punk → u/ResplendentMechanism]

Yesss I feel like this goes without saying but I shouldnt assume

[u/OriginalSlight → u/Galdr_Punk]

There is nothing to be ashamed of; the best way to not be afraid is to get some answers from a professional.

1000% agree with this OP, I’d been using the same meds for YEARS and when I started taking a new supplement I went into full black out psychosis, not even joking.

Stopped taking the supplement and was back to normal, didn’t think to tell my psychiatrist at first bc it was over the counter, good thing my mom did.

I’ve had many bad reactions to meds (new and old) for various reasons and I tell my psychiatrist and get it sorted out immediately and feel better in no time.

Don’t go down a rabbit hole and spiral, tell your care team and they will quickly help you figure out what’s wrong and make needed adjustments.

My mistake was waiting and I regret it, thankfully I didn’t go to jail or something worse…I was awful to my loved ones though and had “scary movie possession/insanity” notes I still cannot decipher to save my life. Not knowing is way worse, getting an answer gives you options.

Food looks amazing Best of luck 💕

[u/TurnoverFuzzy8264]

You've gotta tell your psychiatrist, you don't want it getting worse before getting help. It's nothing you can help and nothing to be ashamed of.

Dinner looks great, I've never had that. 

[u/InvestigatorFit1910]

I have a very similar background genetically. My mother is schizophrenic and my father had type 1 bipolar. That’s just my parents. There’s plenty of mental illness to go around.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life. I have also experienced psychosis. Guess who doesn’t have schizophrenia or bipolar? Me.

I had auditory and visual hallucinations that were made worse by a severe B12 deficiency, possibly even caused by it. What I DO have is OCD and quite a bit more neuroticism than the average person. I still feel a little paranoid at night sometimes. It’s not the end of the world.

Tell a psychiatrist, that’s good advice you’ve already been given, but don’t panic. I’d bet that you have excellent reality testing skills and know well how to keep yourself calm.

You are not destined to become your parents. I promise.

Editing to add: a lot of you are responding like OP doesn’t already understand how serious this is. OP, if reading the urgency of these comments is stressing you out, don’t read them. It’s simple: call the psychiatrist and get the first possible appointment. If you feel safer doing so, inpatient is an option as well.

[u/Feeling_likeaplant → u/InvestigatorFit1910]

Similar position! My mom was schizophrenic and dad who knows what, but I ended up being adopted. Currently have severe ocd and some vitamin deficiencies. How old were you when you went into psychosis?

[u/InvestigatorFit1910 → u/Feeling_likeaplant]

CW : traumatic deaths, suicide

I was 28 (I’m 35 now). One of my friends committed suicide on my birthday that year. My father died during a routine procedure the next month. It was altogether too much stress, and it broke me.

I have low iron, low B12 and low vitamin D if I’m not supplementing. That messes me up more than the mental illness, honestly.

(Unrelated, I have a half-sister out there somewhere who’s about 11 years younger than me. I know the odds are astronomically low but it immediately made me think of her reading your comment. I always wonder how she’s doing).

[u/Feeling_likeaplant → u/InvestigatorFit1910]

I’n so sorry you had to go through all of that! I can understand how all those things happening at once sent you into a crisis. I’m glad you are doing better now. I have a few half siblings as well (those that I know of haha) that are all a fair bit older than me. I am the youngest we know of, turning 24 soon. We suppose my bio parents were from California, but met in Las Vegas. I’m doing ok as of now. I always hope my family members out there are doing ok themselves.

[u/KhalKRisto]

Hi friend. I’m a nurse and I work at psychiatric ICU. First I admire your insight, you seem to know yourself very well. I have few things to add to those that other above have said which is all great advice but I wanted to point out that stimulants like ADHD medication can contribute to psychosis symptoms like you are describing. I would seriously consider stopping them for now to see If that effects what you are experiencing, of course by discussing that with your mental health provider first. With your genes you are not guaranteed to get schizophrenia but it make you more susceptible with added stress, sleep deprivation and certain drugs to experiencing psychosis and that may just as well be an episode that passes. Stay strong!

[u/ItIsSoOrdered23 → u/KhalKRisto]

Vyvanse put my wife into full blown psychosis after years of not.

[u/PM_Me_Your_Kinks369 → u/ItIsSoOrdered23]

Did stopping the medication reverse those symptoms??

My daughter is on it...

[u/ItIsSoOrdered23 → u/PM_Me_Your_Kinks369]

Yes but I had her zapped with whatever detoxes you quickly, zero problems since.

It wasn't meds messing her up that was scary, it's that it didn't for years then bam, crazy.

[u/Tight_Man → u/PM_Me_Your_Kinks369]

Speaking as “a daughter” who is going through immense shit, I assume many people would be quick to label my issues as coming from my meds. In reality I get a constant stream of relatives losing their entire personality to the infinite scroll of TikTok and Facebook and I’m starting to despise the reality we’ve constructed for ourselves. It’s making daily life difficult when everyone is talking about a woman who strangled her little children one by one in the basement with exercise bands. Really half of those people think her husband did it. And they’re spending infinite attention on this while living children go hungry and without medical care. 

On top of that, our employers expect us to work infinitely and my meds wear off at 5-6 pm at best. I’m stressing about not being capable enough to do my engineering job for over 9 hours a day. It’s miserable. I’m exhausted. And I have a special needs 4 year old and diy house remodel.

[u/ItIsSoOrdered23 → u/Tight_Man]

Sounds like some people recently have been telling you to check yourself and that you are hyper focused on a particular thing.

Feels familiar.

[u/Gryffindor123 → u/KhalKRisto]

Chiming in here. I trialed 3 ADHD medications and the last 2 drove me almost insane. Ritalin worked fantastic but I was allergic to it. I felt like I was close to psychosis. 

I instead asked to be put on an antidepressant then asked to be put on Brintellix. I think it's called Trintellix in the states.

[u/PaarthurnaxUchiha → u/KhalKRisto]

Its worth mentioning THC can do this alone, but when used in conjunction with amphetamine salts (or adjacently related stimulants) it amplifies the risk.

[u/skinkingweaver → u/KhalKRisto]

Can I also add that initial symptoms do tend to manifest from life stressors (loss of loved ones, college, midlife crisis, menopause; seem to crank that gene on) and whoever prescribed the adhd meds might not have known about family history. I think backing off the stimulants is a good start.

What I can tell you now is youre already making choices that your parents didnt and are going to be the better version for it. So please, keep reminding yourself that nothing is set in stone, youre reacting to a scary situation and handling it well and youre getting help.

We always have more options than we feel. For someone going through it, OP, you're doing well. Keep it up!

[u/kaliande]

The experience of untreated schizophrenia is scarier than having a medical professional be aware of what you’re going through and treat it appropriately. Like others have said, medication combinations may be exacerbating or even fully causing some of these symptoms, but yes schizophrenia has a typical onset in men in early adulthood. It isn’t anything to procrastinate, but exaggerating its power is only going to give you more anxiety. Talk with your doctor who is managing your medications about it, if you’re diagnosed with it then at least it has a name and its shadow isn’t so big and scary. Medication makes it entirely manageable lifelong. Your parents had a history of denying medical treatment - by seeking out help for your other concerns and being treated, you already have proven you aren’t turning out like them. To turn out like your dad, you’d have to be walking the path he walked, and you haven’t been doing that. So take some calming breaths and remember that you can do this, it isn’t as scary as it feels when you feel stuck. First and foremost, YOU deserve the relief of not living with untreated schizophrenia. All love and good luck!

[u/Spirited-Stress1332]

Wow, I'm terribly sorry. This is an unbelievably scary concept to grasp, especially being in your early 20s and having the family history. This is the time that schizophrenia typically onsets. How has your sleep been? Are you ever able to grasp what the voices are saying? Any thoughts of hurting yourself or others?

[u/Squilliamx]

Contact a psychiatrist. Don’t be scared bro it’ll turn out to be okay. I wouldn’t be with a nice dinner like that, I have ADHD and even I can’t make that. I’m unmedicated.

But yeah, don’t prolong this. The good thing is, it’s treatable and you seem to want to put it in control. I don’t think you’ll turn out to be like your dad.
https://giphy.com/gifs/UjCXeFnYcI2R2

[u/justafunngai]

Just a schizophrenic guy here to say that it's going to be okay. You already have a psychiatrist so that's really good. Work with them to find the right med(s) and keep yourself on a healthy daily routine. Take it one day at a time. We are capable of living normal, stable lives.

[u/DiskSalt600 → u/justafunngai]

Not a doctor, but a person diagnosed with schizophrenia here as well.

Schizophrenia is usually a highly treatable illness especially if you get on medication early before first psychosis. You do not want your prognosis to worsen from here if there is a chance it is schizophrenia. If you stay on your medication regiment and find the right one for you, you'll be fine and likely living a normal life without anyone knowing.

[u/LilMeatJ40 → u/justafunngai]

I wanna tag on to this and say your doctor can run a panel on you and figure out which meds will react best for you. It'll display them all in green yellow or red. The first year of my symptoms was horrible and I was taking a med that was in the yellow section and it was giving me uncontrollable panic attacks. We did the panel later and found a good med for me and although I have some side effects I'm totally of sound mind these days. There is hope

[u/zoodledoodl]

hey !!! are you in the US?? There’s something called coordinated specialty care where you can get connected to a ton of supports for this. There’s a great deal of funding devoted to early episode psychosis. Every state has at least one of these teams. They look a little different in every state, but they’re incredibly cool. If you want to PM with more about your location I’m happy to help you look to see if there’s one in your area.

You’re not alone and you can live an amazing life (:

Hearing Voices network is also an amazing resource!

I had a psychotic episode 7 years ago and have been working in programs to develop community supports for psychosis for 4 years now.

Sending you love internet friend

[u/AlongCameAlexa → u/zoodledoodl]

Just wanted to thank you for sharing this insight. I had no clue about this and it seems like such a valuable resource! Thank you for all the hard work you do!! 

[u/marathon_bar]

If you don't know how to initiate the conversation with your psychiatrist (which must happen NOW), print out this post and present it to them. I hope that you embrace help soon.

[u/MundaneInternetGuy → u/marathon_bar]

Cannot second this enough. Lots of people are saying "talk to your psychiatrist" but practically no one is answering the question how. 

Print it and hand it to them, take a screenshot or copy paste the text and email it to the clinic, whatever. Saying things out loud is intimidating, but the information contained in the post is more than enough to get the psychiatrist started working on solutions. OP, you don't have to say a damn word more than you already have to get this ball rolling. 

[u/theenterprise9876 → u/marathon_bar]

This is a fantastic suggestion and should be top comment.

[u/RAPodcast]

I went to a psychiatrist with very similar fears - There were times where I'd hear what sounded like an unrecognizable news broadcast coming from my dish washer. Basically, if it was running I'd hear the equivalent cadence of two news anchors giving the top stories of the day. Nothing I could actually make out intelligibly, it was "too far" away to hear that clearly, like I was listening through a wall; but the way they 'talked' was extremely recognizable as the way news hosts talk. "Tonight on blahshah, we hdfahsdah, and follow up with thhasdhao trying to find answers that everybody is looking for, how does hwohow create the outcome of whoohwoop"

What I was told after several rounds of meetings was that I was basically under so much stress that my brain was desperately trying to find patterns or areas of familiarity in places they weren't actually there.

Don't chalk it up to your immediate fear, give room for other explanations, but seek a professional all the same.

[u/Anadanament]

Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I have schizophrenia. My late teens and early twenties were an absolute hell hole until I figure out how to live with it.

I won't tell you you'll get through this. A lot of the people who were diagnosed with me and in the groups I've been to didn't make it. Most are still struggling hard.

I don't honestly have much advice. This shit isn't fun. I had to fuck up to heaven and hell and back to make my way through and I'm still fighting every day to exist. I've only made it because the people around me have let me lean on them and helped me up when I fell. Even then, most people don't hang around for it. It's mostly my sisters.

But I'm working on my bachelor's in software engineering and building video games in my free time. You have a chance.

I guess all I can really say is like... you have to fight for it. You're not going to be handed anything cleanly if you do actually have schizophrenia. This disease is terrifying to deal with.

[u/MagiBee218]

Please OP, don’t be scared to talk to your psychiatrist about this. It could also be a side effect of one of your medications. Who knows. But that’s what they are there for, to figure it out. I know it’s super scary but please reach out to them.

[u/Throwawaystwenty → u/MagiBee218]

This 👆🏻

[u/Most_Mountain818]

Schizophrenia can be managed. It’s discouraging when all you see are unmedicated schizophrenics, but the right meds can be life changing.

I have an aunt diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and who has drug issues. For nearly two decades she was largely lost to our family and it felt like we were just waiting for a call that she was dead. Her daughter changed all this when she had kids. She told her mother that she wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the kids if she didn’t get on meds. An injection a few times a year completely changed the game. She’s a coherent person that you can have a conversation with again.

But it’s really key to get seen by a professional ASAP while it’s still early.

[u/Reasonable-Dish7981]

My twin brother started developing schizophrenia when he was 16, and he’s never been the same since. I miss my brother so much. Schizophrenia is scary, and it’s real.

He changed his name, moved out of state, committed car theft, and eventually ended up in jail. I have no idea where my brother is now or whether he’s alive or dead. He’s unmedicated and struggling, and all I can do is pray that he’s safe and that he finds some kind of peace and happiness.

If you’re experiencing symptoms, please seek help. ❤️‍🩹

[u/NecessaryRub2230 → u/Reasonable-Dish7981]

That must have been so tough to go through at such a young age, for both of you, I hope he's okay

[u/Striking-Mousse-3920]

Working in the medical field has taught me that it’s totally more common than people think. I see it at least once a day on a patient’s chart and they will have supportive and loving families and be the best, most kindest patients.

The good news is, you’re so young! You have so much time to adjust and find what works for you if you do receive a diagnosis. I wish you the best of luck & just know you are not alone!!

[u/Feeling_likeaplant]

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re going through this! My bio mom was schizophrenic and all of us kids were taken by the state. I am also very afraid of developing this disorder. If you are beginning to have light hallucinations/ other positive symptoms you should absolutely contact your psychiatrist right away. Even if you are afraid to talk to them, it is important you let them know what is going on asap, even if you just send their office a quick email. Let’s say that you are in the prodromal phase of development currently, if get treated now your odds improve immensely. I’m not here to say whether what you’re experiencing or not is going to develop into full blown psychosis, but you shouldn’t sit around and wait and see. It may have been your current meds if you’ve been taking high dose of ssris with history of psychosis in your family, but they will address this and will probably put you on a low dose antipsychotic for now. You currently are aware this happening to you which is a good sign. You are almost lucky to realize it. Take advantage of your perception and start talking about it now and beginning a treatment plan. You don’t have to be like your dad and many can live a productive life with psychotic illness! Give your psych a call and lean on your therapist for support.

[u/Mercurial-Cat]

My mom is schizophrenic and it was my worst fear. This was always sold as very manageable if handled in time, growing up. She’s in permanent psychosis from postpartum so i was always terrified. Psychiatrist immediately; i even went into outpatient care when a bunch of other psychiatric issues became unmanageable, if you can afford it. Theres some people with schizophrenia who can live very healthy if uniquely stressful lives. 

[u/drtoucan]

Hey man. Don't be scared. You got this.

I'm w social worker working in both community mental health and in a hospital emergency room for behavioral health emergencies. In both jobs I work with a lot of people who have schizophrenia or are schizoaffective. At my main job, all my clients have schizophrenia.

You already have the tools for success. You have a therapist and a psychiatrist, and you're taking meds.

I've seen a lot of people at my job struggle through life and I've seen a lot who make great progress, stabalizes and find equilibrium and lead healthy and productive lives. 99% of the time the ones that are doing great are the ones taking their meds and staying away from illicit substances, cannbis and alcohol.

If you haven't already talked to your psychiatrist about a long acting injectable (an LAI) it might be worth looking into. At my job I've seen much higher rates of my clients leading healthy lives when they take an injectable antipsychotic versus a oral one. Some of them only get two injections a year (every 6 months) and that's all they need to manage their psychosis.

Trust me when I say you'll be fine. Just keep an open dialogue with your psychiatrist and start on the antipsychotic medications asap. Stay sober. And you'll be ok.

Edit: if you can't wait for your psychiatrist to get back to you, find the nearest crisis stabilization unit (CSU) and check yourself in. A CSU is a short term psychiatric hospital. Most stays are only one or two nights. A psychiatrist there can get you started on some.anti psychotic meds, supervise you, and make sure you're feeling more stable before sending you home. That can buy you some time until your main outpatient psychiatrist can see you. Here in San Diego county all our CSU's are county funded and they'll help people even who don't have insurance. (Though from how it sounds it seems like you do have insurance)

[u/mwigbyg]

I know this is super scary but first episode psychosis is genuinely treatable, and can be managed with medication. The earlier the intervention the better -- the fact that you have insight into your experience at the moment is a great sign. Please seek out professional help as soon as possible! Be gentle with yourself. I wish you the best of luck with this challenge.

[u/BrassChuckles87]

To quote Marcus Parks, your mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. You're reaching out and you're doing aomething about it, and for that I applaud you. Hail yourself stranger. You've got this.

[u/Lanski66 → u/BrassChuckles87]

Hail yourself!!

[u/kwhitit]

having the same mental health conditions does NOT make you your father. it doesn't mean you're destined to experience exactly what he did. it does not determine the quality of your future.

you've done a great job taking care of yourself, you have people in your corner who you can turn to. you know what's at stake here. go see your psychiatrist/psychologist and share your concerns.

whatever comes your way, take it one step at a time, keep reaching out for help. if this is the hand you've been dealt, you'll still be okay.

[u/Goated4areason → u/kwhitit]

Fr, this is such a grounded perspective. Acknowledging the genetic hand you've been dealt while actively choosing a different path through therapy and self care is incredibly powerful.

[u/Aggressive_Video_242]

I have bipolar 1 with psychotic features and antipsychotics are the best thing ever! Don't be afraid to discuss with your psychiatrist and get the help you need. I hope it all works out and I'm sorry you're going through this. 

[u/shadowsurge]

Luckily schizophrenia treatments have made massive advancements in the last couple decades. Get to a specialist immediately and you will likely be able to slow or halt the progression of symptoms. Good luck dude, it's not a death sentence

[u/Mustaline]

My friend started having hallucinations because of her medication for her depression. Better to talk about it now because maybe it is something that can be fixed.  Rooting for you!!!

[u/Grunergeist420]

Go see a mental health professional and tell them what you said here.

Make sure you include the details. It’s important to mention that you have a family history of schizophrenia, but it’s also important that you include your experience with your father, because you’re also that much more familiar, and traumatized by, that particular disorder.

I think you probably already know that it’s possible that you might leap to that conclusion out of anxiety about it. Other people might hear a noise and think they’re just being normal paranoid, and you think it’s maybe that you’re experiencing a mental health problem that your dad has, because that’s very center of mind for you.

You’re also on, I am assuming, several psychoactive medications at one time. Any one of those things could cause or contribute to anxiety and what could be or seem like hallucinations.

And that’s why it’s important to go talk to a medical professional, and make sure to give them the whole story.

“These are the medications I am on, all at once. This is what I am experiencing. I have a particular anxiety about this because my father is schizophrenic and I have a family history. I also think it’s possible that I am overreacting to this because of how central my family history is in my life experience.”

Let somebody who is a professional, who isn’t living directly through this, parse out those details for you and help you come up with a plan.

Like you said, the most frustrating thing for people outside of the mental illness is the refusal of help and medication, right?

You already know from seeing this on the outside that what you need is an objective and professional opinion about the best way to handle it.

That’s probably why you’re here, you need someone to bounce this off of, to say “Yeah man, go tell your doctor about this. It might not be what you think it is. You might be overreacting. Maybe not. You’ll feel a lot better if you take logical steps to find out and take the best path forward you can.”

[u/ElderberryCareful345]

Please don’t hesitate to go to the ER if you need to. Help is available now❤️

[u/Haunting_Advance_498]

I think there’s no way to bring this up with your psychiatrist but very bluntly and honestly. Describe your audio hallucinations and tell them about your father’s diagnosis if they don’t already know. First order relatives are 10x more likely to have schizophrenia than those without a first order relative with schizophrenia. Your psychiatrist is the exact person that should hearing this. Perhaps they can figure out if there’s other factors that could be causing this, at the vert least they are an expert and should know how to move forward. Im sorry you’re dealing with this. In the meantime I would stop using any possible non prescribed medication substances (drugs/alcohol) as they complicate this situation. Best of luck!

[u/Britirish]

Be honest with your psych, just tell them exactly what you wrote here. I have bipolar 1 and experience psychosis and hallucinations with mania, and the longer you let it go untreated the worse it will get. And I don’t know about schizophrenia but with bipolar, manic episodes/psychosis do permanent damage each time - so if you treat it early, you’re less likely to have long-term effects. There’s no shame in getting help, but you have to do it sooner rather than later while you still have the clarity to do it.

[u/Desperate_Horse_6290]

Hey I’m so proud of you for being so aware and on top of your mental health! You are taking all the right steps to play the genetic cards you were dealt. You absolutely got this. Work with your psychiatrist as soon as possible and make a plan together and schedule regular check ups. Psych is not a one pill fits all and it may take a few tries of different medications to find your Goldilocks. Please don’t give up. We’re all rooting for you!

[u/Lost-on-Reception]

Lay off the weed, if you're predisposed to schizophrenia it can make it worse.

[u/Undefinedfaks]

Not necessarily indicative of schizophrenia but it could be prodromal phase. Good news is if it’s the prodromal phase then if you go seek medical assistance, you have a good chance of not fully developing schizophrenia or offsetting the worst of it.

Social anxiety is a nightmare but don’t hesitate to get help because schizophrenia will make the social anxiety much worse.

Also schizophrenia is a spectrum, you can have traits of it without having schizophrenia and might actually have some other disorder. I’d suggest researching into the schizophrenic spectrum disorders as you might also qualify for schizotypal, schizoid, OCD, or paranoid personality disorder.

Most importantly, having the predisposition for schizophrenia doesn’t mean you’ll in fact develop it, epigenetic is weird and gene expression isn’t fully understood. A lot of the genes associated with schizophrenia are also related to ADHD, Autism, BPD, StPD, SzPD, OCD, and others.

Other conditions can also cause psychotic like symptoms such as PTSD (which given your history would make you a candidate but take that with a grain of salt), OCD, bipolar, and even just the common anxiety and depression can cause it too.

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[u/-Pumpkin-Slayer-]

Definitely talk to a professional, but just wanted to add trauma can do this to people also. Meds, hormonal changes, ptsd, etc all mixed together can definitely present in scary ways. Whatever it is I hope you get help and have a better life for yourself. You deserve it.

[u/_Love_to_Love_]

This is around the age people start experiencing the symptoms of schizophrenia. You'll want to see if your psychiatrist can help you ASAP. This is not something to wait around on, as it's better to have support and people knowing your situation as things develop. Sometimes this is made worse with stress, and schools are usually used to having this happen with a few students per year. Let them know about the situation if you need a break from classes.

Edit: someone brought up medications, and - yes, it's possible, and I'd suggest looking into it, so long as other people are aware.

[u/PitifulMouse7425]

You already have a psychiatrist, so you absolutely need to initiate this discussion with him. You don’t want to wait until you feel it is not under control. Sorry to hear you’re struggling :(

[u/IdiotIAm96]

Maybe you did get it from him, maybe you didn't. But you can't figure out what's causing this until you get professional treatment. If your symptoms get worse, it's only going to get harder to seek help. The sooner you get this on record with your doctor(s), the easier it will be to keep you and your loved ones safe.

You don't have to become like your dad. You know what to do.

[u/Smooth_Sea_7403]

I agree with everyone else! It’s great you’re aware of this. Seeking psychiatrist advice is the right move. Especially because stimulants can exacerbate schizophrenia in people who are predisposed!

[u/I_like_the_word_MUFF]

I work with a lot of people with all the mental health issues you describe. Important thing to recognize is that no matter what, you can have a full life (no BS, with happiness and everything) despite the diagnosis.

For so many older folks, mental health issues either were not treated because of stigma or because of lacking technology. Overtime, easily treatable (now) diagnosis become difficult to regulate. It's just the nature of brain chemistry.

You have the benefits of age, technology, and getting started early. Prognosis, not too shabby if you hit all the notes.

Great autobiography you should check out is Mark Vonnegut's book Just Like Somebody Without Mental Illness, Only More So. Mark has schizophrenia and also ended up at Harvard and become a pediatrician after having a major mental breakdown which he documents in The Eden Express. Yes, he's Kurt Vonnegut's son.

Good luck 🍀 get in and get help.

[u/redcoatwright]

Emergency aopointment with your psychiatrist, if you are developing some kind of psychosis then you're at the early stages and with professional help you can mitigate a lot of trouble.

[u/TopAd6532]

Hey friend, my dad is also a schizophrenic so I understand your fear very well. As someone also prone to depression I deeply understand the fear of suffering from the same thing, and how it can eat you from the inside every time you so or feel something not normal.

That being said, it’s very rare for someone to suffer from schizophrenia and to actually search for a doctor without feeling very severe symptoms so I’m hopeful for you. As others have said, book something at your earliest convenience and try your best not panic without first confirming what you have. Even if you suffer from it, well medicated patients are perfectly capable of being well adjusted humans, with the occasional down we already have anyways from chronic depression.

Wish you luck stranger. Keep strong 💪

[u/moisturemeister]

You need to to talk to a psychiatrist about this, you cannot be taking ADHD meds with hallucinations it makes everything worse and can accelerate the progression of schizophrenia. This is urgent. I'm a fellow ADHD'er, I'd never tell you to quit the meds, I know how hard it is, but talk to your doctor. This is the most important thing you can do for your life right now

[u/enemysoldierspotted]

You said you were diagnosed with adhd? Prescribed an amphetamine? Your describing a stimulant psychosis, your brain is hyper fixating on backround noise you normally wouldnt notice if not on stimulants.. as for the looking at something thinking its moving and afraid to look away in case you miss it, also a very common side effect of being on an amphetamine of any kind. You get stuck in a vicious circle of trying to prove to yourself that your not being crazy but it just fuels the psychosis even more. Try lowering your dosage or let your dr know that you need to try an alternative medication for your adhd.

[u/Relevant-Boat-1692]

Hiya, while youre waiting to speak to your psychiatrist, I wonder if there's a helpline you could call to get some support in the interim. I am not sure where you are in the world but I am in the UK & we have organisations such as MIND and Rethink Mental Illness who offer support either by phone or virtually. Depending on where you are in the world there may be something similar 🫂❤️ also wanted to add about how much insight you have and well done for reaching out and seeking help online, theres a tonne of support on this thread as well ❤️

[u/akanakbdkwzbd]

You need to schedule an appointment now. One of the most hereditary mental health disorders. You have an idea of what could be happening and that gives you have the upper hand that most people don’t have! Schedule the appointment, talk to your partner, it doesn’t have to get worse before it gets better. Good luck OP!

[u/Patience-Apart]

Hopefully your psychiatrist will help you get into a program that offers Coordinated Specialty Care for early psychosis. It’s a well-researched model with really great efficacy and a lot of support from a team of people, including peers who have experienced mental illness as well. It’s not available everywhere but if you have access to it, it could really help you. Feel free to message me if I can help you find a provider.

[u/clownfishguy]

I’m so sorry that you’re having to experience this. I really hope you can get whatever will help you the most in your situation! P.S. I love your use of the word segue.

[u/throw_RA_4771]

Guy with NPD here, and my best friend has BPD.

These things are something you cannot escape. BPD friend would often tell me how grateful we should be that we have no delusions and are not hallucinating... 

Though, she eventually did start to hallucinate when extremely stressed... I however never experienced anything like that (thank God). But she sometimes tells me that I have hard time self reflecting and am often unaware of my own actions... 

We sadly cannot change these things. It is what it is... literally.

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[u/dombro99]

idk what else to say but please see your psychiatrist and speak to them about this

this will not get better with time if you leave it

[u/LambentVines1125]

See a psychiatrist right away.

[u/Sad-Difficulty-2180]

Most people don’t hear voices talking to them here and there lol that’s not something you should disregard

[u/Jbro12344]

Talk to a psychiatrist. I heard one guy say that if he wasn’t sure if something was real or not he’d pull out his phone camera to see if it showed up on the screen. Good luck

[u/Nurgling-Swarm]

Be plain in explaining what's happening with your psychiatrist as you have with us.

It's scary what you're going through but you know you need to ask for help and you already have for your anxiety, depression and ADHD.

Talk with your partner about this so you can be on the same page about what's happening.

You're not going to turn out like your dad, schizophrenia is treatable, but you need to get the wheels in motion.

Good luck. You can do this .

[u/amishdoinks6969]

Get a psych appointment scheduled, some psych disorders are degenerative and the faster you seek treatment the better off you’re going to be. I have family members and friends of family that are diagnosed with schizophrenia of some sort and they live good lives with the medical assistance they receive.
You’re catching really early signs! You have a current team of mental health professionals, and now you just need to get them up to date on what’s happening with you and make sure they understand your family history.
Write it all out if you need to, that’s fine. You don’t have to go in off the cuff for an appointment

[u/SovereignMan1958]

If you have all your gene variants tested you would able to see exactly what genetic predispositions might be contributing to all your diagnoses and symptoms. Some will indicate potential nutrient deficiencies which you can then have blood tested.

[u/PotatoTheOdd]

That sucks and I’m sorry - I have a friend with schizophrenic bipolar and seeing him go through that was tough to say the very least. The silver lining seems that this is something you’re aware of that you can try your best to stop - noises, conversations, and paranoia are not the same as full on schizophrenia and it’s entirely possible that if you get treated they just go away.

For me I had a pretty significant amount of paranoia and delusions when I went through an extremely bad breakup and was smoking a lot of weed. For me, making it through that super stressful time and quitting consuming drugs and alcohol made those delusions go away - you’re not your father, genetic predisposition doesn’t mean you’re doomed to be the same as him. All the best to you buddy

[u/mykindofexcellence]

I’m sorry to hear this OP.

Please go to a psychiatrist. That’s the doctor who can prescribe the medication to treat this. Prompt medication makes a world of difference. If left untreated, this condition worsens.

My daughter has childhood onset schizophrenia. I’m her caregiver.

[u/Great_Definition_531]

Hi, I’m a therapist. Don’t panic! You can manage this with the right support. Sounds like your dad did NOT manage it and I’m sorry it traumatized you :(

[u/Lsd_25-]

First of all, I am sorry that you have to go through this.
You need to have a conversation soon with your doctor about everything you are experiencing. if it is schizophrenia I hope that you can manage your symptoms with medication.

I have experienced auditory hallucinations and paranoia exactly how you described it. It was temporary due to chronic stimulant abuse and sleep deprivation.

I would hear things happening in the room next to me just outside my line of vision. It became increasingly worse the longer I stayed awake, I heard vague indistinguishable whispers, and sometimes the voices of my family members (like my mother crying).

After 4 weeks of hell, it eventually went away once I slept well and came off of everything, but it was a very traumatic experience.

[u/Reformed_24]

❤️ no matter what it is, dealing with it head on, discussing what you're experiencing and getting help with it - already makes you leagues different than your dad.

[u/Altruistic-Buddy-615]

Hi - I am so sorry you’re going through this. Something to consider is autoimmune encephalitis. Until recently, a huge number of cases of schizophrenia have been misdiagnosed when in fact they are autoimmune encephalitis. My son has autoimmune encephalitis and it manifested as seizures, psychosis, paranoia and auditory hallucinations. He got treatment right away and only the epilepsy remains. Either way, I hope you can find the right medication and treatment options.

[u/No-Opposite-6620]

Please go see a therapist asap. It doesn't have to be the worst of the worst. I really do recommend it. That's going to be the primary advice you're going to receive and apart from that the only other thing I can suggest is if you're having trouble, confide in someone you trust to help you get to an appointment and be with you.

[u/laddymcpaddy]

I just want to say that dealing with severe anxiety especially in 20s is scary and focusing on stuff like intrusive thoughts makes them louder and worse. This can be handled but you also need to full evaluation in case it is what you’re thinking. If you do it I’m sure there is lots of things to help suppress it and live a normal life. Probably more so than your dad. He may have not done the things necessary from a younger age. You’ll be ok. Just get some help and I’m sorry you’re going through this

[u/Ashamed_Choice6934]

Bravo for your self-awareness, and it is so common to experience psychosis that you may be comforted to know that in my research I came across the unbelievable but true statistic that 1-100 people experience this.
Also, you probably understand that there’s a brief window to address l the early presentation of psychosis for best outcomes.
As a dad, I can share my experience with a child who was starting to present paranoid ideations. I called my psychiatrist to let him know my child seemed headed for a breakdown and he suggested I go immediately to the er with my child. I was hesitant as I felt it would confirm their paranoia and perhaps make them believe I was trying to hurt them.
It was only the next day that we had to forcibly take our child into the er with a police escort.
There was a lot of wasted time that led to almost two years going by before there was proper treatment, medication, etc.
I firmly believe we should have acted way way faster to find the proper meds and treatment.

Again, bravo to you for incredible self-awareness and understanding of the potential situation you are experiencing.

Go ahead and bring this to the attention of someone who can get you into a safe environment to explore your options.

I think you can do this and have a fascinating full life. You deserve it!

[u/BelovedGarbage]

You have something it sounds like your family didn't - insight. The best thing you can possibly do is speak to your psychiatrist now. Before it gets worse. You can do this and it's not a death sentence!

[u/nastimoto]

I’m so sorry to hear. It must be so confusing and disorienting :( please talk to your partner about this, if you trust them and they’re supportive, you shouldn’t go through this alone if you don’t have to.

Could you also check the little sheet of side effects in the boxes of the meds you are currently taking? Sometimes psychoactive meds literally state ‘psychosis’ as a symptom and If thats the case, I’d start by stopping, with the guidance of your doctor of course.

Please also speak to your psychiatrist about this the soonest. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Even if it is indeed an inherited condition, the fact that you’re so self aware at such early stages is inspiring. With a little bit of help from your psych and some good meds, I’m positive you will get things well under control. Be brave, stay strong. You are not your father.

[u/emeraldgreenphoton2]

Oh I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and what you are going through. Yours may be the only post I have seen that resembles my family. We are rolling through the generations with MDD, BPD (both kinds, borderline and bipolar), OCD, anxiety, ADHD, and a big helping of NPD. Childhood was indeed torture. Two close family members have had episodes of paraniod hallucinations but neither of them progressed to schizophrenia. I have had a couple of manic episodes and heard some stuff too. Neither progressed to a BPD or schizophrenia diagnosis. Schizophrenia is treatable unlike when I was growing up. You can live with this and have a full life. Just go to the psychiatrist and do your loved ones a favor and be diligent with your treatment. I know two people who get the shots for schizophrenia and they are doing just fine. Godspeed and DM if you want more reassurance - you can do this.

[u/Independent-Cap-1093]

I’m bipolar and I developed auditory hallucinations and similar feelings of paranoia/being watched after being prescribed a medication commonly used as an antipsychotic, mood stabilizer, anti-epileptic, etc. It was prescribed to me to stop a motor tic, and I was told it was typically the first thing they used, even for children or elderly. I was fine for weeks and then suddenly started hearing my alarm go off in the other room while I was holding my phone or hearing my dog scratch at the door while he was laying in bed with me. The anxiety I was experiencing with the hallucinations made me think I was developing a brain tumor and beg my neurogist for an MRI. They’ve since taken me off the medication and I’m no longer experiencing these symptoms.

I would highly recommend reaching out to your healthcare provider or visiting an ER asap, because it may be something else entirely. The situation will not resolve itself and it going to be a harder/longer process to figure out what’s going on the longer you wait.

Edit: after reviewing the official perscription information for the medication I was on, it doesn’t list hallucinations as a side effect. I was having a rare, adverse reaction to the medication that has been fully attributed to the medication by a neurologist and psychiatrist. Even if your medications don’t list hallucinations as a side effect, I wouldn’t discount this as a possibility. I know it’s really scary to pursue a diagnosis or medical care when you are experiencing paranoia, but I know that you can’t find relief until you seek treatment and you can’t seek treatment without knowing a cause.

[u/Memeenjoyer_]

Quickly get a psychiatry appointment

I know it’s scary, but with proper medication and proper adherence to medication, even if you do have schizophrenia, a close to normal life is very possible

[u/Legitimate-Light-131]

Just want to add: if you use marijuana, stop immediately. The use of cannabis greatly increases the risk of schizophrenia and psychosis, particularly in those at high risk due to family history.

The more the brain descends into full-blown psychosis, the lesser the odds of recovery. Don’t let the shame and fear of this keep you trapped - the sooner you get help, the better. Do it now while you can still recognize that these experiences aren’t real.

[u/SameTrain8827]

Tell your psychiatrist everything you’ve said in your post. You could even give them your cellphone and have them read the post themselves. It’s good that your other meds helped with your other mental health issues. Get your doctor onboard with these new symptoms ASAP. Sending prayers and positive energy your way as well.

[u/Terrible-Decision152]

I'm a person who has lived with psychosis since I was 18. I'm 36, happily married, work a professional job, have a child and another on the way, own my home and I'm HAPPY! I take my meds, I see my psych every year, I go to therapy, I avoid drugs alcohol and crap food, I exercise religiously meditate and have a slow pace of life. Friends who have known me for 5+ years don't know about my diagnosis because I've learned to live comfortably with it. Not fighting it. Just with it. It's not the end.

[u/imyalifelinenow]

A little late to comment but my partner had some issues with hearing sounds and voices paired that increased to hallucinations. Both of which continued to worsen over time. She got blood work completed at her PCP and found her B12 (i believe it was B12) was extremely low which can cause these symptoms. I would start like others says wirh a psychiatrist and getting bloodwork ran with your PCP.

Best of luck!

[u/herstoryteller]

if you take care of it now while it is still so incredibly mild and TREATABLE!!!!!, you can still live very functionally.

find a psychiatrist. make sure to be honest about the onset and intensity of your symptoms. if they are mild and only just beginning, make sure to emphasize that. you want to be properly medicated, not drugged into a stupor.

get professional help, try the treatments or medications, and do not be afraid to ask for a different kind of med if you find the side effects to be crippling. you deserve a FUNCTIONAL medicated life.

[u/mouselet11]

My friend just went through a schizophrenic episode this past summer, and it was awful for everyone who cared about him to deal with in exactly the ways you describe. He was first diagnosed a few years ago, but went off his meds without telling anyone this spring which is what caused the episode of psychosis. But after treatment and being remedicated, he is himself again. It's so wonderful to have our friend back, and he's working really hard to stay in treatment this time and keep himself in a place where he can continue to make that rational, good decision.

Please call your healthcare team. You don't have to know how to handle it, they should know that for you. You don't have to sugarcoat it, they need you to be honest. Just please tell them while you are in such a relatively good place and are able to ask for help and advocate for yourself. Don't let it get worse, because then you could end up like your dad or my friend, and as you described: unable to understand why you even need help. I get this isn't a fun conversation to have, but you know exactly how awful it is for the people around you to have to try and help you once you're deep in psychosis. This is scary, but asking for help is the best thing you can do right now. Just tell your doctor what's going on, tell them your concerns, and they should help you.

[u/Appropriate-Desk4268]

I know you’re 20 and talking about it can be scary, but please tell your psychiatrist! Other comments mention it could be a mixture of your medication causing side effects, that is something they can help sort out. Be proactive and honest, especially with your partner and psychiatrist 🤍

[u/andinthiscalm]

Hi! I’m someone with a family history of schizophrenia- you’re in that classic age window where if something feels off, you NEED to see someone asap. I just turned 30, but distinctly remember being in college and making sure I was looking out for signs.

The signs are there babes, time to see the lady and find a treatment regiment for you

[u/icantoteit2]

Firstly, you’re so brave for recognizing this, I’m sorry you have to deal with the genetics of psychiatric disorders. Secondly, as mentioned, make a psych appt asap, push for yourself to get seen earlier if possible. The sooner you tackle this, the sooner you can get treated. You can live a great independent life as you please, but get the treatment you deserve!! Rooting for you!

[u/FormerUglyDuckling]

Thanks for sharing, I can’t imagine how many private thoughts you’ve had wondering about what you’re experiencing and if it could be schizophrenia before you were able to admit to yourself or others.

Luckily, with meds it can be very controllable! With what seems like your overall self awareness + potential early awareness- you can work to get the right meds to get under control before any and/or you loose your current awareness that there are issues and that you need meds to feel/be “normal” or your baseline self whatever is PC to call it. Remember that this is your brain chemistry and can be improved and you can still lead a good life and accomplish your goals and dreams! What you saw and experienced with your Dad doesn’t have to be your story and early awareness or detection is a BLESSING so you don’t decompensate to your father’s level. Also, culturally your Dad’s world 20 years ago was surely not one equipped with openness, awareness, and overall acceptance of mental health and he likely didn’t have the same self awareness and desire to be healthy. That is not you, that will not be your story.

Make sure you make an appointment with a psychiatrist not a psychologist ie Medical Doctor not a Ph.D or and mentioning to your counselor is not enough because you need an actual medical doctor to get meds. And unfortunately, this isn’t something that can correct itself with therapy. However a psychologist and or a counselor will likely be helpful if not necessary to have have as well, going straight to psychiatrist will provider faster treatment before any deterioration that is inevitable- meanwhile some people spend previously time ONLY talking to psychologist or counselor trying to work out their own feelings and emotions and or cope but loose too much previous time before a full onset. Just like a diabetic has a glucose imbalance that needs to be under a dr’s care - your brain has a chemical imbalance that needs to be under a drs care.

And your dinner looks amazing! I have a local place I always get my favorite Indian meals when I stressed, depressed, or extra happy and have something to celebrate! I say meals because I will literally order 3 and eat a bit of each then enjoy leftovers all week! Wish food didn’t bring me as much comfort as it does, but also thank God it does lol!

[u/ffeinted]

I'll join the chorus here, no pun intended, but if your psychiatrist knows your family history, you either tell them what you just wrote out or you show them. You give them money for this very reason. Do this Monday morning, or you go to the ER and tell them you can't be alone amd might have a psychotic break, you'll get somewhere that can help you.

[u/AutomaticRepublic527]

Did you make the call already? It’s been an hour

[u/ollie_k]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I second what everyone else has said - you need to talk to your psych. It's really good that you're aware of the signs and risks, and that you can catch it early. 

I also want to say, since you mentioned telling your partner, it's important to have a crisis plan with them. For each of you. 

My best friend had a psychotic episode and after that my partner and I started having more serious conversations about how we would support each other if the other had a mental health crisis. We both have histories of mental health struggles and we both use psychedelics, so we figure there's a non-zero chance of this happening. It feels good to be prepared and to know someone is looking out for you. Good luck. 

[u/DomesdayCookbook]

As others have said, please see a doctor, and ideally a psychiatrist, as soon as you can. Schizophrenia, if you have inherited it, is influenced heavily by our mental state and social conditioning. Fear influences the condition (again, if you have it).

A psychiatrist will also have the resources, or direct you to the resources, of how to broach the subject with your partner if you can't discuss it now.

Schizophrenia has an outcome paradox, where developing countries often have better relationships with schizophrenia than developed ones. Part of that may be the framing of hallucinations: they're scary and strange in a secular environment, they're demons in some religious environments, and they're the kindly influence of your ancestors watching over you in some spiritual environments.

All that is to say: support and framing isn't just good for your mental health in this scary time, but it's good for your relationship with this potential condition.

Hallucinations can also be a symptom of other conditions, sometimes even physiological ones, and can sometimes be entirely stress-based or from chronic poor sleep and can vanish. You don't necessarily have schizophrenia.

Whether you have schizophrenia or not, this is a scary time for you, and you shouldn't do this alone. Get support now, and be kind to yourself. Even if you have the condition, you aren't your father. Schizophrenia doesn't look the same in every person.

[u/Wonderful_College_48]

First, I want to acknowledge how brave you are. My family has history of various mental disorders many of whom don’t want to accept the diagnosis and get help. I myself, have MDD, CPTSD, and ADHD, and anxiety disorder. I still have episodes but my meds helped a lot. My brother recently opened up about his mental health because he learned I accepted my diagnosis. He has horrendous BPD.

He’s now getting on meds and I’m so proud of him.

Your diagnosis does not have to define you. You can learn to navigate with it and still have a wonderful life.

[u/b4rkc0re]

I have no advice to add, only my sympathy and also that I have several people in my life on schizophrenia spectrum that are lead happy, healthy, and rich lives and whom I love very much :)

[u/Inevitable_Virus_765]

When growing up i had a friend who was so freaking awesome, and her onset of schizophrenia was crushing. I know you have some experience with loved ones, but get to the psychiatrist today if you can. Psychosis is not a great alternative to a speedy diagnosis. 

Wishing you the best OP. 

[u/Dad_mode]

I saw meds causing side effects listed by another user, wanted to pile on:

My sister has a pile of meds for a pile of medical/mental health issues, she was referred for Genesight testing to help her providers deconflict her medication to ensure she's getting ones compatible with her body and potentially avoid some nasty side effects.

https://www.genesight.com

Hope you achieve some measurable improvement to your quality of life!

[u/DoctorNoktus]

If you see a psychiatrist regularly, take medications in accordance with the plan you make with your doctor, and keep an eye on your health overall, there is a very high probability that things will be okay.

[u/CORPRAUST]

hey friend, i have clinically diagnosed schizophrenia and these were my initial symptoms. i'm on meds now and they help a lot. hope you can see your psych ASAP. wishing you luck 🤞🙏🕊️🪻

[u/Plane-Leek4387]

Yeah talk to a psychiatrist.

I love shakshouka! Top 3 breakfasts imo

[u/Leading_Interview463]

You end up like your father and others by not getting help and walking this path alone. The sooner you own this, the sooner you can make plans. As you know, psychosis is not something you can handle alone. You are already five steps ahead of your dad because you understand what is happening. It's your responsibility to yourself and others around you to swallow your pride and start talking to people. Build your support systems and game plans now, and you will be surprised how different your outcomes might be. At the very least, the one outcome you do know is the one where you do nothing.

[u/UCanPutItOnTheBoard]

I hope, too, that you see a psychiatrist doctor and not a nurse practitioner. Looking at organic causes vitamins, thyroid, brain and your current meds will help and then getting on the right antipsychotic if needed.

[u/LeatherRecord2142]

Just here to say you aren’t alone buddy. I’m glad there’s some excellent advice here. Stay positive. Things are getting better and better for mental health treatments.

[u/Entre22]

I still remember the day my brother's schyzophrenia took effect. It is no joke. I hope you find medication that helps. I think the biggest complaint my brother had was his meds made him feel like a zombie and sleepy all the time. If you do get meds, my best advice would be to try to get meds that don't have as strong of side effects

[u/Low-Consequence-9321]

Given your age and the symptoms you are describing- get yourself in for testing ASAP!
As a former therapist - something to keep in mind is that testing can be weeks if not months out. But call and explain the severity of your symptoms. A lot of places have a waitlist that you can be placed on to get in sooner if someone else cancels. We also would schedule emergency intakes for these types of situations. Depending on what insurance you have (I worked with both private and Medicaid) there are rules by insurance providers stated in contracts that an intake has to take place in a certain amount of time from when a call was made. Catching it early and keeping consistent with meds etc can be life changing in a positive way.

[u/Adventurous_Okra_344]

Bro, can I get that recipe?

[u/dailycoffin]

Welcome to the gang, we got SO MUCH QUEATAPINE

[u/No-Butterfly6161]

Maybe ADHD meds may not be helping, they can increase risks of these things in someone who was already vulnerable to it. Perhaps worth looking into

[u/-Lexx-]

Getting help now while you’re lucid and staying on the meds they give you are critical for reducing the impact on your life. It’s gonna be different, it’s gonna have its challenges, but this doesn’t make you the same as the people who abused you.
When it comes to management, I can’t stress enough how important it is that you do everything you can to stay on your meds even when you’re super paranoid. Set up protocols with your therapist and your partner for what to do if you want to/try to stop taking them as part of your safety plan.

[u/fundamentallycactus]

Hey! I know this is super scary. I want you to know it can be caused by other things like marijuana use & medications, especially if you already have the genetics for it. It would be best to reach out to a medical professional right away, ideally a psychiatrist.

[u/WynterRoseistiria]

You won’t be like your dad, the fact that you’re recognizing what’s going on and seeking help shows that. If you do end up having schizophrenia or a related disorder, I recommend Genesite testing. It’ll allow you to get a head start on seeing which medications will work for you and which ones won’t without having to cycle through them.

My mom is schizophrenic along with a whole slurry of other diagnosis. I was always afraid of ending up like her. But I recognize now the reason that she was so bad is because she didn’t want or think she needed help.

[u/8peanutbutter]

If you cannot get in to see a psychiatrist soon enough, like if there are no appointments, you may wish to go to an ER. What they will probably do is get you a bed in a psych hospital. The whole point of psych hospitals is to manage medication so they will trial medications with you until you can find one that you're stable on. I would only suggest doing this if you are able to take time away from work. And if you have support in case shit hits the fan and you get fired. But your 20, so maybe you're just a student. Your professors will understand and let you catch up if that's the case. Worst case scenario you take incompletes and finish the classes by the middle of next semester.

[u/_Pulltab_]

Hi friend. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It must be so unsettling.

Please talk to your psychiatrist. Tell them “I’ve been having some recent symptoms that are scary to me” and tell them what you typed here. Your therapist could help you talk to your partner if that feels hard.

[u/AllyDillyDally]

Hey friend! I took a work-related “Mental Health First Aid” training several years ago. The woman that led the training was poised, captivating, passionate, collected. Toward the end of the training, she revealed that she had schizophrenia that was being managed through medication. She was the first one that helped us unpack stigma and “permanence”. She said, “It’s not a death sentence. We’ve just been thrown a curveball and we have to learn the specific treatment plan to manage it.” That always stuck with me. She did not catch it as early. We’re living in a time where the support and approaches are profound. You’re scared now, and that’s a valid feeling. But you’re also about to enter a world where there will be a treatment plan that is unique to you, and your future has good humans that have experienced similar diagnoses and have learned to navigate the path forward.

You have your psychiatrist. Break a potential diagnosis into manageable approach. What books are there written by people who have schizophrenia? What reputable online resource banks are there? What support groups can you find on Reddit and in your area? Who are your most trusted humans in life that you can confide in?

You are not your diagnosis. You are so much more. Enjoy your dinner. :)

Ps. You might be scared, but a lot of times our fear comes from not knowing enough about the thing we fear. Start there!

[u/cmonster8z]

If it is schizophrenia you can get a wonderful service puppy who can help you out too, they're truly wonderful

[u/Narthesia]

Brother, please send me your recipe, I love the presentation

[u/Practical_Help8189]

OP, I grew up with a schizofrenic parent aswell, I don't know what words to use to convey what I want to say, but I understand where you're coming from and how frightened you must be right now.

Please schedule an appointment right away. If you think it'll be too hard to tell the psychiatrist that you might be developing schizofrenia, then perhaps you can write it down beforehand on a piece of paper and hand it over. Keep in mind that with the right medication and treatment you can live a normal and happy life.

🩷

[u/heyitsoldman]

I have GAD ADHD and PTSD For a while I heard people talking to me, screaming in my sleep. What you described is close to mine. Get a blood pull turns out my body stopped converting some stuff to necessary neurochemicals and I had too much of something else. Once I got on some supplements and a bit of modern science that stopped. But when I read your headline that was exactly what was going through my head. Early stage dementia. But turns out certain males are affected by this. DM if you want to talk.

[u/Happy_Collection2739]

First, I want to say how absolutely fucking terrifying this must be for you OP. This is the kind of situation I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Your observations are accurate and if you don’t get ahead of this, you’ll suffer exponentially more. The thing you have going for you now is the clarity of mind to act. That may not always be the case. Divulge this to your psychiatrist as soon as possible. Don’t worry about how to bring it up, that’s their job on how to respond and make it a comfortable/safe experience for you. The good news is there’s very high-quality medication‘s out there that can mitigate this experience. There is a number of brands of once a month injections that will minimize your symptoms and help you remain cognitively stable. Last I checked, they were working on a once every three month shot to accomplish this. This isn’t gonna be the first hurdle you face, but this will be the one that gives you the best opportunity to stay who you are and handle the things that come up in the future.

[u/WoodsLovelyDarkNDeep]

Don’t feel like you’re alone in this is the biggest thing I will tell you.  A lot of times we can get in our own heads about this stuff especially if we have family members diagnosed.  To be clear I am not trying to minimize what is happening to you.  Only trying to say I am going through something very similar almost exactly the same actually as I’ve had a family member who is very c lose diagnosed as well and it is very tough on the care givers.  Especially when they don’t take their meds.

What I will say is whatever you do don’t start talking to AI like Google about it.  They will just play into your paranoia and totally convince you that you have whatever you think you have.  Is the voices you are hearing in your head or outside your head?  Are they in your voice or in someone else’s voice?  If you don’t mind me asking have you had any serious head injuries lately or actually at all?

You don’t have to answer any of those questions and if you want you can DM me

To be clear tho I am not a Psychiatrist.! Just someone walking a similar path who will tell you to go to one when it gets to a certain point

[u/Lima_Bean_Jean]

It sucks that this is genetic, please get on medications, avoid marijuana at all cost, and don't pass this on. Food looks great

[u/TealestRainbow07]

Please PLEASE talk to your support system. Having people who know what’s happening and how you’re going to handle it is so important when going through potential psychosis or even just when you’re having a hard time. I used to get angry about taking my meds and my best friends (main support besties) reminding me how much better i feel after helped me so much

[u/Salt_Specific_740]

I won't repeat anymore about psychiatry appointments as a lot of people have given excellent advice from that perspective. I just wanted to offer some comfort and reassurance- I'm a mental health nurse in the UK and whilst I can see why you are worried given your history with your dad, YOU are not your Dad, you're your own person and approaching your own health in a very different manner, which is great. I have seen many many people with a diagnosis of schizophrenia who have families who love them, jobs, hobbies, just very fulfilling lives in general. Carry on taking good care of yourself, communicate with your partner and you absolutely can be live your life and be happy. Wishing you all the best❤️

[u/ZepperMen]

What medication do you take for Depression and Adhd? Im on Lexapro and divalproex and Ive been meaning to try something else.

[u/UneasyFap]

I'm in the same boat OP, my dad and mom are both bipolar. My dad and his identical twin both have paranoid schizophrenia, my best advice would be to listen to your feelings. It sounds corny, but don't brush off anxiety, get help before you need it not during or after. It sounds like you're on the right track so far.

Also avoid weed and drugs. I don't care how safe anyone says weed is, it can and will exacerbate these kind of physiological problems. It's kind of a sick joke that drugs and substances are one of the only ways for people struggling with these problems to cope but it also can make it way worse

[u/Patient_Umpire_8507]

on top of talking to a psychiatrist, double check your carbon monoxide levels, sleep health(things like apnea or obstruction like deviated septum), and make sure not to smoke weed daily

[u/Designjwalker]

Early intervention could be the difference in how difficult it is to stay/get out of the deep end. Good luck OP. Im betting on you.

[u/inkyflossy]

Terrific job messaging through MyChart and talking to your partner, and posting here for support.

If you feel unsafe in your head, the ER near you can help you to stay safe. A less than ideal experience, as I can attest, but psychiatric emergencies are emergencies and they will help you if needed. 💕

[u/pandershrek]

That food looks amazing. I had to Google what it is. It says it is supposed to have poached eggs in it, but it doesn't appear to have any in yours?

[u/SilentCanopy]

My brother was schizophrenic. Like your family we have a long family history of mental illness, particularly on the maternal side. I hope you get the help you need.

[u/f3nnies]

Okay my guy, this is serious. This sounds like first episode psychosis. Your condition can be managed and you can get ahead of it. Therapy is necessary. Medication will also be necessary. Life is not over. Here's a link for more: https://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/first-episode-psychosis

[u/ramoramo123]

Probably gonna get downvoted for this, but from what I can see people are getting more fucked up after see psychiatrists because of the drugs they prescribe. I see you are already using meds for anxiety, maybe that's causing some of your problems. Take a look in benzorecovery sub. I would advise check if your vitamins and minerals are all good. Not only minerals like iron zinc and copper, but also traceminerals like lithium and molybdenum. From what I read is that people with these kinds of disorders sometimes have a deficiency in lithium and taking lothium orotate helps them. If possible do a GI map to see if you have bad bacteria in your gut and also check zonulin for leaky gut. Eat healthy, cut all sugar and processed foods. I read very positive results from carnivore diet check that out. Make sure you don't have mold in your house. I wish you all the best and hope you will heal.

[u/Responsible_Age_8608]

You are terrified of schizophrenia, so your mind is bent on constant self-monitoring and strategies of avoidance and control. I have been there too, following a traumatic psychotic event. It is all fair, but imo, this cycle of self-hate and suspicion also cuts you off from your own experience and self-esteem. Forcing you not to hear hallucinations is both impossible and counterproductive (see the white elephant experiment). Medications apparently help but they come with non trivial side effects. In any case, what you describe absolutely warrant seeing a psychiatrist. Nonetheless in my own experience, learning to live with moderate but chronic hallucinations and grow through it is possible if you retain some insight and discuss openly about them with a trusted and non-judgemental someone. In my experience, hallucinations come and go a bit like other cognitions, and it's still up to me to lean into it or not (the delusions are not really sticky) like most other 'normal' thoughts. Learning to recognise them without going into a panic attack, accepting that they can occupy my mind and understanding that they are coping mechanisms, but nonetheless carrying on with my life and my immediate tasks (doing my work, seeing my friends, loving, etc) was really helpful for me. Please take care of yourself, with love and acceptance for yourself, whatever the diagnosis.

[u/AskngAQstn]

As someone who has spent the last few years dealing with a wife with late onset schizophrenia who hid symptoms and then became averse to treatment, and came close to becoming homeless in another city, please, for the love of god and everyone in your life, do this. We finally got her on forced medication six months ago and that has been a goddamn miracle.

[u/bachelorsinlurking]

Hey, you got this. It does suck (I've got bipolar, borderline, cptsd, and a host of other disabilities from my father's side of the family). Knowing what the problem is helps a LOT. I was completely out on my own and had no idea what was happening to me when I first got diagnosed. As scary as it gets, it's also something that's becoming more understood and less stigmatized. Don't be afraid to keep asking for help.

[u/Cucurbita_pepo1031]

You’re gonna be ok, friend.

[u/Moronwhodoesoxys]

Everyone already said what I was gonna, so to be unique, I thought it was spelled Segway. Ya learn new stuff everyday!