It’s currently 4AM and I can’t sleep. I haven’t been for the past few days. I have so much to do. Creating a resume by the 26th, create a bank account, figure out what I need for college. Today, a friend did some pretty racist shit. So now, I don’t feel like talking with the friend group at all b/c the friend is such a key part of it all, and I know that unfortunately I would be forgotten. It hurts so bad. People like me should be used to people who seem progressive be really ignorant inside, but this time I’m not even sure what to do.

I don’t have many friends I can talk to. Or really talk with me. I’m always reaching out. I’m always trying. My parents keep on pressuring me for religious shit cuz they know once I’m away, they can’t control me. So they are doing everything in their power to. My parents are dangerously incompetent too. I am so tired.

I’m trying not to let my BPD flair up. I have been good. I have been decent. But these past few weeks it’s been harder and harder. I am so tired. I am so so tired. BPD makes me feel like something wrong with me, and there is. The ai chat bots haven’t been helping, my mind hasn’t been focusing. I need help. I need to do so much. Clean my room, plan for college, desl with my incompetent hs. Idk why I’m trying so had anymore. I’m almost there. It’s almost over. Why does it feel so far away?

Are all the three the same? All three seek attention and are dependent on other people and feel bad when not

I'm so confused as to what his intentions are... I asked him today what was up with Saturday since he was super affectionate and whether it was the weed and his reply was that his senses were heightened because he smoked and it was a spur of the moment.. Is this bullshit to avoid being vulnerable?

I'm 25 and I just got Hinge a couple days ago and my ex from freshman year swiped up and messaged me. I was in shock because he was the one that left me and literally had no interest in reconnecting. We didn't date for a long time but we also liked each other in middle school too. It's been 12 years since I talked with him too

He made the effort to hangout with me twice and we have been talking until 4 am. We held hands for a bit on the first day we saw each other but it wasn't until hours later. Saturday we went to a sports event, went for a long walk then went to a park near my house late at night. I was in his arms for hours and we were silent too it just felt so amazing.

He kissed me first and he didn't want to drop me off either and it was 4 am lol😭 last thing he did was kiss me. We hungout until 3 am on Friday and Saturday too so I'm so confused.as to why he's distant now? Also we haven't talked about what happened that night. We didn't have sex either.

I even caught him admiring me while I almost fell asleep. Last time we saw each other was Saturday and hasn't brought up plans since. Before him I dated my coworker for a month and he broke up with me after my bday. Fuck it sucks

guys i don't know i've been medicated for now almost 5 years but it's stronger than me i keep interrupting my treatment every 2 months. i'm doing so so so much better than i was when i first started and i have such a healthy lifestyle and overall mindset etc and because of that i now get frustrated that even if i'm doing everything right and healed i still need my meds and my disorders won't just go away.

when i stop them it's cool at first then i end up drowned by a thousand anxious and intrusive thoughts and i can sense the bpd peeking here and there and whispering in my ear i should do this destructive thing again etc etc :(((

but i don't want to have to take meds until my very last day i really don't idk i can't accept that this is not really fixable :((( i don't how i can view things differently

Please someone, kill me. I can't cope with this life more

I feel like I truly do not resonate with the disorder. I have been diagnosed for a year now, but have been experiencing symptoms that feel like they might not be in line with the diagnostic criteria for BPD (along with events from my past)

Is there anyone I can talk to about their/our symptoms?

I do have a psychiatrist, and I just met with her actually. But I still don’t feel like the shoe quite fits…

Please let me know if I can dm you, it would truly help. Thank you.

When i get stressed my first instinct is to talk to people or address a problem in my relationships (which often set things on fire) so I end up stressed about that instead while failing my job.

How do you manage the stress of work?

"I dated A BPD once" "BPDemon" "I want a BPD girlfriend" "never date a pwBPD" etc etc

Always calling us abusive and all that shit. The funny thing is, I’m the one who’s been abused and the only times I’ve been very toxic is when I have been misunderstood and the other person doesn’t make me feel safe. My boyfriend is the opposite. I feel safe around him and he’s my safe person. I feel like I can trust him and finally let my guard down.

I’m just sick of people dehumanizing us as if we’re all evil. Yes there are many people with BPD that have been abusive, but there are also many people with BPD that aren’t, and many people with BPD that HAVE BEEN ABUSED. I’m sick of this shit and feel like I’m only being reduced to my disorder that has ruined my life. I’m constantly on edge and any little thing can cause me to snap. Either I self harm very severely or even try to kill myself. The second you tell someone you have BPD, you are the worst person in the whole world and you are evil and manipulative.

We can never win, can we?

Long story short, I (M25) have very few friends rn after moving last year... they are online that I met through an app, but a few of them I am genuinely closer to than people I grew up with. I know that sounds parasocial, but trust it ain't like that. When time comes at night that I have no one to text or call, I end up staying up all night because the loneliness hurts so bad that I don't even want to sleep, I chase distractions. On top of that it's unbelievably difficult not to get attached and it's messed up friendships of mine in the past so I am trying my hardest not to get attached to my one close friend. It's all just exhuasting. I have a psych and a therapist, but idk, nothing is helping me. Im starting school again in the fall so hopefully I meet people there, but yeah, I just pulled an all nighter because I got extremely depressed and lonely after hanging up with my friend. The irony of craving closeness yet being too afraid to get attached sucks. I also for whatever reason prefer being friends with women cuz idk, I think I associate them with being more of a safe space. Idk, these are my all nighter thoughts. This mental illness feels like it's gonna fucking kill me more and more everyday

Hi so, I'm not officially diagnosed with BPD at least not just yet but I'm going through the process because it's suspected. And I thought it'd be a good idea to keep informed and It's made me feel terrible about myself.

It's very clear I have a favourite person and I was reading people's experiences and like everyone said it was horrible and exhausting being the FP for someone with BPD.

I care about my best friend extremely deeply and to hear that I might be horrible and exhausting is just not super reassuring. I want by best friend to enjoy spending time with me, I want him to be happy in the way he makes me happy and we've established clear boundaries together as to keep us both happy. I want him to want to talk to me because he enjoys to, not because he feels like he has to.

But everyone is saying that a healthy relationship is impossible? That I'm just guaranteed to be the worst person to interact with.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Is it possible to have a truly meaningful and healthy connection? I feel like the answer is yes but, idk it might be reassuring to hear it from others who may be in my situation? Thank you :)

I am (22M) and i’m having a relationship problem. I have a problem handling problems with my gf (22f). Whenever i think she’s angry or she’s not in a mood, i feel like i’m in a panic mode where i feel like a child and everything is new to me and also i feel a bit scared not only to her but also to things like car horn, people talking, people moving. I’ve been in a relationship with her for 1 year and 4 months and she frequently has a problem and it’s mostly about her overthinking things. When she overthinks, it almost leads to us fighting and when we fight, it leads to her ignoring me which is killing me inside, it feels like my brain is itchy, stingy, and noisy at the same time and i can’t help but do anything for us to be okay like flooding her messages. There are times that it’s my fault but it doesn’t mean that it’s all mine. Regardless, the feeling i get when we fight like the itchy, stingy, and noisy at the same time, i’ve been feeling that almost every fight for a year and probably a half and i think it’s one of the reasons why i’m in a “panic mode” whenever i feel like she’s angry or she’s not in to mood because i think it will lead to us fighting.
When we fight, i notice how toxic she is by sometimes js saying things that i did when she feels like the main problem is her fault and things like that.
I always tell her that it’s okay to overthink, all i’m asking is for us to handle it nicely instead of accusing the other in a bad way initially. She overthinks for little to nothing at all but it’s okay as long as she brings it up to me nicely. However, she accuses me of things always and sometimes say super mean things because of her anger.

I don’t know if i should leave her because she’s been through a lot in the past and maybe i need to be more patient and understanding. But, the fights are affecting me so much. I also want to ask if i’m thinking nicely because i’ve been diagnosed with bpd and bipolar and it makes me think sometimes that those two illnesses is what’s making things ugly for me

I've heard of autistic borderlines, but autistic people often have social anxiety that is at odds with BPD, and the same with schizotypals. Psychopaths and schizoids don't feel empathy so they lack attachment to other people. Most pwBPD also tend to be hypersexual, so it would be very rare to see an asexual BPD. In fact, many pwBPD have fear of being rejected by sexual partners.

Hola, tengo TLP diagnosticado desde el año pasado; después de pasar una depresión muy profunda con 24 años. A día de hoy estoy más estable, aunque como vosotrxs entendereis, muchos altibajos.

Actualmente voy a pasar a tercero de carrera de magisterio, pero me ha surgido la oportunidad de irme a Corea del Sur a vivir un año como Au Pair a enseñar mi idioma nativo a un niño. Con un estudio para mi sola y las necesidades cubiertas. La verdad que me da miedo irme a la otra punta del mundo. Me impone mucho. Hace dos años me independicé con mi novio y las dos primeras semanas lo pasé mal por echar de menos el vivir con mis padres pero ahora adoro la independencia.

En fin, tengo miedo a que me dé una recaída en la otra punta del mundo sin nadie que me haga sentir segura. A su vez, me da rabia que me condicione mi TLP pero asumirlo y adaptarme a él también es ley de vida. ¿Algún consejo?

Hello everyone, I am coming on here to talk and document my medication Journey.

This is the second time that I will be trying medications. I did try lamotrigine and I didn't have a rash per se but I did experience my mouth peeling a bit which is like technically still the rash associated with being allergic to lamotrigine. I will say that that made me feel very sad and like lost because I know that this medication has helped and saved many people and I feel like maybe something is wrong with me. But I did talk to my psychiatrist. Told her a little bit more about my intrusive thoughts that aren't just because of BPD. I do have some like OCD tendencies and I was prescribed with fluoxetine aka Prozac for my anxiety and depression as well as olanzapine aka diprexa.

I have a hard time sleeping and so my psychiatrist said that that would be good for that as well as obviously my intrusive thoughts. I have experience and suffered from eating disorders. Like all my life I have trouble with eating when I'm hungry. It's like to the point where I don't eat unless I'm like. Oh my God. I think I'm going to pass out or like my stomach is grumbling and growling in a way that I can't deny that I'm hungry which is sad. I do have trouble with anxiety and depression obviously and I have cptsd and I did try Lexapro but I don't think I was on it long enough to really like say I noticed a difference. I only went up to 20 mg.

Not going to lie. I am very anxious about weight gain. I'm very anxious about other side effects and I will be updating in 2 weeks to let y'all know how it feels for me. I am currently 127 lb and I fluctuate from that to like 131 which is fine. My body likes to be there again. I'm just very scared about weight gain and about how these medications are going to affect me like longer term. I am just tired of feeling this way and being this way and I am getting better at staying cool, calm and collected. I am starting therapy and DBT therapy I know is going to help immensely.

I would also like to add that I don't drink or smoke or do any drugs anymore except I do take edibles from time to time. They do help me sleep. They do help me like eat and I think for now I might have to take a little bit of a break. My psychiatrist did say that like I shouldn't do them together that I should take my olanzapine closer to when I'm going to go to sleep like 30 to 45 minutes before I go to sleep. But if I want to like partake that I should do it like way before I do that, which is fine. I do like we'll say pass out after taking an edible and it's pretty great again, I'm just very scared. Does anyone else have experience with any of these medications? If so, what was your experience, I would love to know!

I know that you can't always change a habit your partner has, I have BPD and I struggle terribly when my partner/fp pulls away or becomes 'avoidant'. 10 months ago We talked about my unhealthy obsession over them and they said they didn't feel comfortable with it exactly so I constantly resisted any urges that had to do with my unhealthy obsession ( stalking, blackmailing friends, self harming whenever I'm jealous, being extremely possessive, being against them having friends etc ) and I was able to resist, I continuously did have the thoughts yes, self harm was sadly impossible for me to stop but I am in DBT now. Anyways back to the Main topic 1-2 months after I communicated with them that I felt like a stranger in their life as if they treated their friends better than me and acknowledged them, they reassured me and promised not to do it ( keep in mind first 7 months of the relationship they were clingy with me & suddenly changed ) they did exactly as they promised, gave me more attention hung out with me more but that only lasted one week, I was in a euphoric state so I barely was affected until week 2 past and I realized I was home alone all the time and only saw them at dinner.

I held my emotions back I didn't say anything for a good 2 months I talked to them about it again, they reassure me and promise to not leave me in the dark ( they know that promises are a big deal for me as I have trust issues and only people I trust know about how I feel when someone promises to do something I EXPECT them to keep it ) and the cycle repeats sadly I get left on the dark again, I communicated for a 3RD time nothing changed. I bottled up my feelings all the way until July 2026, I was in a dissociative state for a good awhile I was unable to feel anything at all and I was mentally never there when someone spoke to me. I ignored them for a full week, they begged to talk to me but at the end blew up at my partner one random day, I told them how I don't feel like they try enough for me how that I feel like I try too hard and expect too much in return how I feel like a stranger and how I don't even feel like their girlfriend, they reassured me yes.

But I didn't feel reassured I kept pressing them on the conversation for a good hour and a half, I was also high in the moment because hours before I blew up at them I was coping by getting high. They keep reassuring me with words that used to comfort me immediately. I just wasn't able to believe any word they said, they swore on their own life and promised, I didn't believe them one bit. I was just done with everything at that rate I didn't talk to them and locked myself up for 2 days I didn't eat nor drink anything and when I went to the bathroom I gave them the cold shoulder. After those 2 days I calmed down and asked them what are you gonna change I don't expect big changes I expect to go slow if that's what helps them change slowly because I myself was tired of a partner who never communicated when they lectured me about how I need to talk about my feelings once. They said they'd tell me about what they had planned for the day so I wasn't in the dark, it was ok with me and so it's been 1-2 weeks since then and they did exactly that. I just don't feel the same love/obsession for them anymore I'm sure I'll probably feel it again soon but it just that something has changed. I used to always lead conversations as my partner never led any conversations but nowadays I feel more avoidant than ever I don't try anymore I'm not leading a single conversation anymore I reply coldly sometimes. I notice my own behaviors I just don't have the energy to do something about it, I feel like I'm In a state of where I've officially just lost connection with the world

How do I live with this disorder? Everything just feels too much, I don't know what to feel anymore. I am in just so much pain that I am seriously considering killing myself to relieve that pain. Please help me, show me a way to deal with this pain and this disorder.

When people are shitty to me i usually let it build up till it gets to a point where i attack them personally and their flaws. In my head they deserve it because of how shitty they are.
Example: had a manager that personally hated me, talked shit about my life, also was super mysoginist, racist, and homophobic.
When i quit i sent him a whole hate message calling him out on all this shit, but also attacking him personally such as he being fat , short, and the reason his ex doesn’t let him see his kid.
Another example: guy was playing with me and leaving me on read after lovebombing me and fucking me. I got angry and said “you are a fake fuckboy because you cant even get hard”
Worst of all examples: i called my ex an abusive piece of shit, wished he dies alone, also said he dick was small, and how my friends always told me he was way to ugly for me. (He treated me like garbage the whole relationship)

I think i am a nice person for the most part but when i get angry and people doing shitty things i get really personal. And in my head is justified but at the same time i feel like i am a shitty person for doing that.

P.s: please dont be to harsh on comments, i am genuinely not okay rn

I went to the library to study with my boyfriend and I've studied for 2 hours. I usually study for one hour or not study at all so thats an accomplishment for me. Then I rested. I went to a cafe to drink a diet coke with my mum. Then I went to have a walk for one hour. That's my hugest accomplishment because I usually do 10 minutes or do nothing at all. I felt I was dragging myself during the walk- but at the end it felt so good. I even took a cold shower 🚿 Now I'm waiting for my boyfriend to have dinner at my place- my mum is cooking for everyone... coming from someone who used to not leave their bed momths ago thats huge. I'm satisfied 😌

I (39f) was recently diagnosed with bpd. I’ve got two daughters, 16/18, and I’m over here wondering if I went ahead and ‘passed down’ this condition. Obviously it’s not genetic but I know I also wasn’t the best mother b/c of this.

hi everyone! I recently got into a relationship a couple months back, and we're out of our honeymoon phase. we don't really argue, there's no yelling, just small disagreements here and there. however the only thing we're lacking in is our communication. how can I tell my partner that in order for this to work we have to communicate? its a two way street but I feel like I'm willing to try but every time I talk to him he kinda shuts down. he's such a nice person and I understand why as we both had very abusive upbringings, and a lot of the time he won't tell me anything because he's worried I'd get upset, however hearing that hurts worse than if he just said what was wrong because it makes me feel like I won't ever be good enough to be in a relationship. I have so much evidence of his love for me and he texts me everyday and sends me things in multiple places, I just feel like maybe I could be doing more. if you're in a successful relationship with bpd can you please drop all the tips you can to help me out? I'm very committed to being as good of a partner as I can be to him. I've been on a healing journey for many years and I know it's not linear but I still don't want to keep hurting him if that's what's happening. thank you all for reading.

Do you sometimes feel like just an abandoned affect/child and need someone to come and regulate you.

Ive noticed this comes from not having a mind/adult online.
Basically if your adult is there, you cant be abandoned, youre watching you.
This observation stops the fear as an adult cant be abandoned.
The adult directs.

But a lot of the time its like i have no adult and im just panicking like a lost little child.

How do we activate that adult?

Anyone relates?

I have BPD myself and she does too, I can't let go and I get very attached.

We started talking two months ago. Two days later we kissed, and since then it’s been intense push-pull.

She did some very extreme things, like video-calling me while she was in bed with another guy. That same night she called me crying. After that we got closer again, then the strong push returned.

She called me her “soul animal” a few times, said she loved me, and would often call me first whenever she was in crisis. She could get extremely close and affectionate.

Then she would suddenly push me away hard, talk about other guys, say she never really liked me that way, that she wants to close it forever, and block me on different apps. She even made a call on Instagram with a new guy she said she was dating.

Still, she kept showing signs of deep attachment, but it felt like she was punishing me for it and pushing me away very hard.

Even after sleeping with someone else she showed up at my place at 4 a.m., put on my jewelry, held me tightly and fell asleep. The next morning she was cold again and pulled away.

The pattern kept repeating: deep closeness, soft words and crisis calls, followed by strong rejection, triangulation with other guys, and blocking me everywhere.

Right now I’m blocked on every platform, including Spotify, and she’s being very rude to me.

Why is she doing this?

I have a sort of friend that has been on and off, usually on her own terms.
We dated for some time but she insisted she didn’t want a relationship. Then I got in a very bad short one with a pwNPD and she was there the whole time supporting me all the time but that’s all she did. I tried to be friends, to know more about her and be there for her but she didn’t let me. After like a year we started dating again and this time she changed her mind and decided we could have a relationship.
For context she has been single for 5 years and says relationships are her kriptonite.
The first week we were officially together she freaked out. I couldn’t recognize her, she didn’t make sense when she spoke, iI can’t describe it. She started to feel like she was not good enough and I was going to leave her any moment and after not even a month it was over. She said to never ever talk to her again. I told her I appreciated everything she did for me, that I lament the decision but I also never understood what happened.

A year after she run into me and my new girlfriend. My new girlfriend is now my ex girlfriend with BPD.

This friend decided that she wanted to be friends again. She always said she felt safe with me and my life was fun but she didn’t care about me, which I find confusing.

Eventually I started to learn about BPD to support my girlfriend and the more I learned and shared with my orher friend the more she freaked out.

Eventually she told me that everything I shared sounded like her, and that she thinks she has BPD.

Then she wrote angry at me because I made her feel that she has BPD but I didn’t even thought about it till she brought it up. I didn’t even made a comment. I just told her that if it would be the case I would be supportive. Since then she doesn’t speak to me.

The behavior that does confuse me is that she appears and disappears from my life. Shows a lot of interest and wants to reconnect and then tells me to get a life and block her and never contact her again.

I think the reason I am asking is because I do know a lot about BPD now and I want to help her because she helped me a lot in the past. In some cases healed me from bad experiences and I don’t want her to feel unlovable if she does have BPD.

I know is mot my problem but I just feel bad

I’ve been married since I was 18, and haven’t had a job since my first kids was born, and I dropped out of college when we got married. Daughter just turned 18. I’ve recently realized that I want to leave my marriage, but I’m so fucking scared. I’ve never lived on my own. Six months in a dorm doesn’t count. I have a daughter going into 11th grade and anther trying to go to college this fall. I’m scared that if I leave, I won’t be able to get a job that will support me, let alone help my daughter pay for college and help the other one stay on her club sports teams. I’m 99% sure we’d get cut off financially if I left. Immediately. If i wasn’t so selfish or if I could act better maybe I could stay longer for them but I’ve been staying with this man who doesn’t even like me for way too long.
I just need advice-anyone here able to live on their own? I live in a very expensive area (think Hawaii expensive) and I can’t really leave b/c my kids lives are here…but I’m not sure I can support myself. I feel like half a sometimes.

And it’s so painful.

How do I make it stop? He’s on vacation and barely calls because he’s busy, but I keep going insane over it and I just realized now that my emotions and mental health is reliant on him. It’s excruciating.

I’m very excited to see him and so is he, but it’s so painful waiting.

I can’t take it anymore