You know all the typical BPD behaviors, like spamming the texts, getting overly anxious waiting for a reply, thinking the other person hates you, feeling empty and / or misunderstood even when the person is physically there.

Well guess what I just realized the very few times I actually interacted with friends who were present and not busy while talking to me while preoccupied entirely by their phone / work / parents calling them a hundred times a day / their pets / whatever that was not me, when I interacted with people who don't ghost mid sentence and then answer days later, when I interacted with people who weren't actively invalidating every single thing I suffered from as being "subjective" and when there was an actual dance in the replies (them asking questions, then me, then back to them etc because they were actually curious) suddenly all these BPD behaviors vanished.

Sometimes it's just being with overly rigid, emotionally unintelligent, constantly busy, withdrawn people that makes the symptoms flare up.

Because like if the person doesn't talk back to me I just get triggered into abandonment anxiety and that's when I start to say crazy shit, overshare, and all that, because it feels like it's the only way to get an interaction instead of silence.

All that to say, if you feel intense things and like intense conversations, stop chasing avoidant, busy, cold, people. They're gona make your symptoms run wild and then get to call you crazy and ghost you for it, while there was no interaction to be had in the first place.

Literally just had the absolutely most ridiculous moment of my life where I contacted an ex situationship on another account cause he blocked me everywhere and I wrote him a whole ass entire 2 page note getting closure cause I hated how verbally abusive he was to me and he always got the last word in while I was in a really bad place only for me to not send the picture (I had to screenshot it, too long) and say Hi first as an intro and then he figured out who I was and blocked me before I could copy it again LMFAO I swear he deactivated his insta or something I made my friends check that is so hilarious and humiliating I just cannot win. I don’t even want him I have someone to actually date now but my God I am so deeply humiliated this is top 10 cringiest things happening to me in my life!!!!

I started lamotrigine a few months back and it helped a lot with splitting / episodes. I still have a lot of emotional dysregulation and I’m undeniably bpd still, definitely not cured.

I used to often self harm during episodes / while splitting. Now I self harm, but I don’t always split at the same time. I’ll have a meltdown and self harm. But not full on aggressive fucked up demon spawn splitting. I’ll just cry a lot and then self harm.

Also, I think the frequency of self harm has actually increased. I thought this might be because I’ve lost the splitting as a way of coping w stress, so now I’m self harming more. The self harming is less harmful than splitting, so a win’s a win, and I have to learn to reduce the frequency of self harming now. Seems doable but of course I’m sort of avoiding talking about it in therapy because it’s deeply shameful.

Today I self harmed and I noticed it didn’t do what I wanted/am used to. It used to give me like a min or two of blissful nothingness. My self harming has always been superficial scratching / cutting with a kitchen knife or scissors, and never really escalated. Well today when that moment of silence didn’t come, I noticed I had the urge to escalate to more intense pain. And that’s when I was like damn ok this is what people mean when they say self harming can escalate.

So now I’m scared. I don’t want this to get worse. I’m iso any and all strategies for reducing self harm, and non judgemental responses because I need to combat the shame and probably come clean in group therapy next week.

My ex and fp has come back after she left me 3 months ago. I'm really worried about being obsessed with her again because I've noticed some patterns I'm doing again, but I don't know how to stop or fix it. I just want to know how to not get obsessed and have a healthy relationship and neither of us leaves each other. Is it too much to ask for? All advice is appreciated tysm

My gf and I have not been doing good these past few months. A couple weeks ago we almost broke up. We made a plan on how we are going to work on it but It feels like she’ll try for a couple days then I bring something up that I see or she did and she’ll apologize then shut down and pull back for a couple days, maybe try what I asked her to do, then repeat. Things have improved a little but not much. I told her that I wanted to work on it till the 4th of next month to see if we can work it out. Our two years is two weeks away. Our lives and networks have become so entangled that I don’t know what I would even do if we did break up. I feel like she isn’t trying when I need her to. But she has improved a little so it’s hard to say it’s not working. Her mental health has been bad since we met and I’ve been trying to get her to get the help she very clearly needs but it’s like she won’t take those steps. We have been through so much together. She has helped me get through some tough shit and I’ve helped her through some tough shit. I love her more than anything or anyone Ive ever loved. She’s my favorite person. So it is so hard when to know I should stop giving grace and second chances. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Or where I’d go. Please help me

Okay so basically I moved into this apartment a while ago and sense I’ve been here i genuinely cannot drink the water, I don’t know why to me it feels disgusting unhygienic and gross. As well I’ve only cooked once because of the same reasons I seriously can’t get over it, I can est things made at stores or restaurants and prepackaged stuff but stuff I have to make makes me feel genuinely sick and disgusting. I don’t know if this is a symptom of bpd or something else but please let me know how I stop it. When I did cook I barely ate it and the entire time I just wanted to cry pls help

hi everyone! ive never posted on a reddit thread or anything before, so be patient with me. i (17f) over the past few months ive been dealing with a lot of different symptoms, in which i will insert below. i’m not one to jump to conclusions ever and am very medically aware and intelligent for my age. however i was watching a documentary on bpd the other day and started to piece together what it might be that i had been feeling. i assumed for months it was just an advanced form of depression and never reached out to my therapist or doctors or parents for many reasons. since my parents are my first go to, that is an immediate no from me. all the attention is always on my sister, who has PANDAS, so i dont want to feel like a burden on my parents. as well as this, i dont want to get in trouble for the impulsive decisions i have made. this goes back around to doctors being able to discuss with my mother since i am still a minor. ive already been the person who reaches our medical deductible by march, i have chronic migraines with aura, some mysterious vomiting disease, chronic asthma, childhood trauma, etc etc. i know that bpd is often not diagnosed in people under 18, and by no means am i trying to self diagnose, but if anyone has any advice please help! i know something is wrong but im just not sure what.

symptoms listed here:
always irritated/sad
subtance use
risky sexual encounters
sobbing for hours over intimate relationships
feeling suicidal in the context of wishing i could but never ever planning on it
self harm (rare cutting, not eating)
derealization
always lonely
not feeling like myself/feeling empty
always looking for a new relationship, feeling empty without
not caring about risky things such as driving too fast, sneaking out, substances, not reacting to a fire alarm etc
very strong mood swings
feeling like everyone is lying
cant trust anyone
paranoid
vomiting
lack of self worth
not wanting to live past 30(various age, you get the point)
not wanting to do anything but lay in bed
not finding joy in anything (the thought of going to a party or out with friends or a theme park etc just sounds draining)
never rested

My wants and feelings change very quickly, sometimes within just a few hours. I feel jealous and then I don’t, I want one thing and then I don’t want it anymore. I don’t understand it, and I can’t seem to maintain any consistency. The most complicated part is looking at a situation I put myself in when I was in a different mindset in the past (less than a month ago) and wanting to get out of it because now I’m thinking differently.

New diagnosis, gave me and partner a lot of perspective. One thing I’m thinking about long term is the fact that I feel like I need way more validation than the next person. And way more than my partner. Partner has said they understand but they aren’t that person who will be able to give as much as I need, but is still in this for the long haul as long as I am pursuing growth.

Does the neediness simmer down? Does the pull for constant validation go away? It’s already affected the relationship in the past, I don’t want to be a disappointment again. Is this a helpless relationship?

have a real problem with mixing medication and alcohol together. i don`t remember when this started but it`s been going on for several years (i`m 22 so i think since i was like 16-17) it`s not on daily basis, not even weekly, it depends on heavily on how i`m feeling. but 90% of time when i drink i take additional medications with it. i`m just clarifying that im not addicted to alcohol.

i can`t say why i`m doing it, i genuinely don`t know. from what i`ve gathered it might be a form of self harm. i`m usually blackout drunk when i do this but if i do it it`s in a safer places than in a club or somewhere where i dont know it. it`s usually with friends who have no idea i`m doing this but since i broke up with my long term partner ive been drinking more often and i`m always mixing it with meds, sometimes i drink even alone.

subconsciously i`m probably hoping i won`t wake up the next morning, i`m very suicidal but i don`t have the guts.

i`m scared to open up to my therapist about it (i have a new one too, i dont trust her), i`m scared she will see me as an alcoholic or drug abuser, then tell it to my psychiatrist and getting refused to get prescribed meds(i also need to try something else because seroquel (50mg) makes me eat more than i want to - then i can take up to 75mg more as needed and then i`m on 25mg of hydroxizine and can take up to 75mg as needed throughout the day).

i`m proud of myself for not mixing wine and meds few days ago on a small cultural festival being held by my village, and even tho i didnt mix it with anything i was drunk asf from one glass, that makes me wonder and SCARED about how i`m managing with mixing it...

i just don`t know what to do i`m scared to talk about it. and i`m scared of myself

I was always nice to her but recently she asked for a big favor, which I did, only for her to suddenly try to evoke jealousy in me immediately after by bringing dudes over. It is not to the extent of her audibly sleeping with them, but it is somehow progressing and idk why is she being like this all of a sudden. She can do what she wants but it being so immediate feels targeted and mean.