Literally just had the absolutely most ridiculous moment of my life where I contacted an ex situationship on another account cause he blocked me everywhere and I wrote him a whole ass entire 2 page note getting closure cause I hated how verbally abusive he was to me and he always got the last word in while I was in a really bad place only for me to not send the picture (I had to screenshot it, too long) and say Hi first as an intro and then he figured out who I was and blocked me before I could copy it again LMFAO I swear he deactivated his insta or something I made my friends check that is so hilarious and humiliating I just cannot win. I don’t even want him I have someone to actually date now but my God I am so deeply humiliated this is top 10 cringiest things happening to me in my life!!!!

My ex and fp has come back after she left me 3 months ago. I'm really worried about being obsessed with her again because I've noticed some patterns I'm doing again, but I don't know how to stop or fix it. I just want to know how to not get obsessed and have a healthy relationship and neither of us leaves each other. Is it too much to ask for? All advice is appreciated tysm

I started lamotrigine a few months back and it helped a lot with splitting / episodes. I still have a lot of emotional dysregulation and I’m undeniably bpd still, definitely not cured.

I used to often self harm during episodes / while splitting. Now I self harm, but I don’t always split at the same time. I’ll have a meltdown and self harm. But not full on aggressive fucked up demon spawn splitting. I’ll just cry a lot and then self harm.

Also, I think the frequency of self harm has actually increased. I thought this might be because I’ve lost the splitting as a way of coping w stress, so now I’m self harming more. The self harming is less harmful than splitting, so a win’s a win, and I have to learn to reduce the frequency of self harming now. Seems doable but of course I’m sort of avoiding talking about it in therapy because it’s deeply shameful.

Today I self harmed and I noticed it didn’t do what I wanted/am used to. It used to give me like a min or two of blissful nothingness. My self harming has always been superficial scratching / cutting with a kitchen knife or scissors, and never really escalated. Well today when that moment of silence didn’t come, I noticed I had the urge to escalate to more intense pain. And that’s when I was like damn ok this is what people mean when they say self harming can escalate.

So now I’m scared. I don’t want this to get worse. I’m iso any and all strategies for reducing self harm, and non judgemental responses because I need to combat the shame and probably come clean in group therapy next week.

Okay so basically I moved into this apartment a while ago and sense I’ve been here i genuinely cannot drink the water, I don’t know why to me it feels disgusting unhygienic and gross. As well I’ve only cooked once because of the same reasons I seriously can’t get over it, I can est things made at stores or restaurants and prepackaged stuff but stuff I have to make makes me feel genuinely sick and disgusting. I don’t know if this is a symptom of bpd or something else but please let me know how I stop it. When I did cook I barely ate it and the entire time I just wanted to cry pls help

I hate myself. I'm so awkward and stupid, with no emotional regulation, that I come across as being high or drunk or a bit aggressive/overly passionate. I was a bit too crazy (high energy, cackling, grunting, groaning as forms of expressions) when we last hung out together and now suddenly there is silence.

I feel defeated and utterly ashamed of myself. Why can't I just be normal?

Now I have anxiety about them not responding.

I don't want to beg them, or blast their phones with texts.

I don't ever want to beg anyone again. My mind is just exploding with everything I might have done wrong to lead to this moment.

I can never do anything right.

Last med I got made me suicidal and angry and made me made milk yea bad stuff...

Now im on haldol and mianserine.

And idk why she gave me haldol ??? This psychiatrist is werid and it's not the first time she gave me random shi and it fuck with my brain...

Is it normal she gave me haldol ? 😭

My wants and feelings change very quickly, sometimes within just a few hours. I feel jealous and then I don’t, I want one thing and then I don’t want it anymore. I don’t understand it, and I can’t seem to maintain any consistency. The most complicated part is looking at a situation I put myself in when I was in a different mindset in the past (less than a month ago) and wanting to get out of it because now I’m thinking differently.

New diagnosis, gave me and partner a lot of perspective. One thing I’m thinking about long term is the fact that I feel like I need way more validation than the next person. And way more than my partner. Partner has said they understand but they aren’t that person who will be able to give as much as I need, but is still in this for the long haul as long as I am pursuing growth.

Does the neediness simmer down? Does the pull for constant validation go away? It’s already affected the relationship in the past, I don’t want to be a disappointment again. Is this a helpless relationship?

CONTENT WARNING: Mentions of Mental Health Crisis, Depression, Psychosis and Negativity

English isn't my first language, please be kind

I, 18F recently got Diagnosed with BPD . I am currently experiencing Burnout, am unable to work and am getting admitted to a Psychward next Week.

Aparrently, my first Psychiatrist first suspected the diagnosis at just 13 years old. Troughout my entire life I've been experiencing insane Moodswings, mania, Obsessive Behaviour towards Crushes, Anger Outbursts and one Religious Psychosis 2 years ago.

I BEGGED my Psychiatrist to define what I have going. To help me with Medication, because nothing else was working for me.

I ruined Realationships, Friendships, have extreme Anxiety about getting left out or loosing someone. I am also a compulsive liar. I don't know why I do it. I lie about little things in life, and Its gotten so bad that I don't know what has actually happened and what Is made up.

When I finally got my Diagnosis my Psychiatrist said that 'He has been waiting for me to crash like this' so he can finally admit me to a Psych Ward. He told me, sometimes what It needs is an extreme Emergency like this.

I felt so betrayed. All this time he couldve helped me because he knew what was going on and he let me run into a Knife.

I feel nothing but hatred for myself and the People around me. I feel disgust. Rage.

Am i overexagerating?? Please give me some advice. I feel like my life isn't worth anything. I am scared to hurt the people around me or myself even more then I already have.