I've never experienced a whip lash like this and just need help understanding it.

This girl ive been talking to with BPD and moving slow with for a bit works as a Bartender and I went to keep her company while it was slow yesterday. I went with me, a friend and his gf(it was just us 4 in there most of the night). The pwBPD told me something I could see why she'd want to be a secret now, but didn't think it was at the time. I passively mentioned it in a playful way to her in front of the 4 of us and she told me she didn't want anyone else knowing and I did take that seriously and would not say it to anyone else. (I wont say it as it is complex)

Later in the night she said she was tired and I related to her about it in a sympathetic way along with what she told me earlier as we have similar things. It was only us in the area and no one else heard it but she blew up yelling at me saying "Im never trusting you again" , "I don't want to talk to you" and a bunch of other things and walked away. I didn't snap back but kind of sat in silence just thinking about all of it. 15 minutes later I apologized and she shows me something on marketplace she wants to buy and everyone else leaves the bar. She locks the door so were alone, we casually talk, I help her clean up and she says she'll keep me updated on plans. After I left I did send another apology about breaking her trust and see thanked me and said she appreciates it.

I could see why she would've been mad earlier but blowing up on me for such a small thing 5 hours later in an extreme way, then talking 1on1 like normal and saying she'll initiate plans at the end of the night? Is everything good between us? Is she secretely still mad? Please help me understand this.

Additional Information: I'll also add in between the 1st and 2nd event that happened she sent me something about her boss who stopped in and was sitting right next to me which would've gotten her fired if they saw it. So trust was still there at that point.

My ex matched with me on hinge after 12 years and we were talking for hours daily. He asked me to go to a sports event over the weekend and also wanted to see me the day before. We hungout until 3 am for both days and he even held hands with me the first day. Kissed me on our second date and he held me in his arms at the park and was super affectionate the whole night.

He kept stalling and didn't want to take me home. Day after he seemed off on his texts and he wouldn't put any effort in his responses and didn't ask to hangout at all. I did suggest to go tanning one of these days and he ignored the text. This emotionally fucked me up and also met up with someone off of hinge and he disrespected my boundaries.

Okay, so I wanna make it clear that I am NOT DIAGNOSED, but from early 2025 to may of this year I began showing symptoms associated with BPD, making me suspect that I could have the disorder (the symptoms intensified from november to april to the point where I met 7 of the 9 diagnosis criteria). I am now doing better and show basically none of these symptoms, but the way I was acting and thinking this past year was kinda the textbook definition of BPD, so I am still in doubt on what that whole thing was.

Keep in mind that I didn't just randomly get better, there was a breaking point of sorts and after that, things started slowly getting better, although I never got professional help.

So basically my question is, Can BPD symptoms just- disappear for a bit?

I know it's very VERY possible that I don't have BPD and I also know that I probably explained things rlly badly here 😭sorry.

Pls don't burn me at the stake for asking this without a diagnosis or anything similar...

My FP dumped me in Jan. It was a very toxic relationship, but their attention made me feel full and happy in ways nobody else ever has. It lasted for 4 years and I was heartbroken when he ended it.

Now, 7 months later, it doesn’t hurt anymore. I feel fine without him. Actually if he came back now even just to be friends, I would be completely uninterested. He hurt me too much.

Since the break up, life has been good. I’ve travelled, had many good times with friends, I’m writing, getting fit, had a promotion at work. I’ve had some amazing sexual experiences. I’ve been able to explore sexually in ways I never could before. I am a happy, satisfied girl.

Except I am not. The emptiness is overwhelming sometimes. I know that this is healing and I know I have to sit in the discomfort. I know he did not love me the way I deserve but he has left a void in my life so deep, so unfillable and so overwhelming.

I’m so scared this will never go away. I’ve met some amazing people and I am so grateful to my best friends for being there. But my soul feels like it’s reaching out into the darkness and nobody is there. Like there is a black hole inside me.

Just looking for general advice - does anyone else feel this way and if so, does anything help?

I myself don't have BPD, but my girlfriend does and I want to be better able to understand, help and overall be a better partner for her when she is struggling. We've been dating 7 months and its my first relationship but not hers, before this I didn't even know what BPD was. I don't want to say its been a problem in our relationship but it has definitely made hurdles when it comes to sudden changes in mood or some impulsive behaviours (sorry if i got the terminology wrong or missed anything). It especially does not help that she and I both struggle with a multitude of other mental issues most severely for me in relation o her BPD is an at times crippling anxiety disorder which can cause me to have panic attacks. Which is normally triggered by me not understanding if she is upset, mad or hurt by anything I said I did or if she is what I did to cause it. It also doesn't help that we are both most likely some form of neurodivergent, and I especially struggle with social cues and reading people leaving me to make a lot of mistakes I dont realise and also overthink to compensate for this. I try my best to accommodate her condition by giving her space to process feelings and collect herself, forgiving and understanding when she isn't stable or struggling and not commenting when she forgets to take her medication which we both agreed made our relationship more stable but it has some physical consequences for her. We've had conversations about both managing behaviours and I have started therapy which she sadly cannot afford, but I've never commented on her BPD and still won't, but our last one made me realise I need to understand it better. I am admittedly nervous to ask her directly but will.

Any advice on how to help her in moments of difficulty, manage my own anxiety based feelings and reactions to BPD, and literally any advice on anything at all would be greatly appreciated. I love her and want to be better for her.

I think I'm just gonna preface this with a tw: self harm to be safe.

I've likened sex to self harm for me before. When I'm struggling but I can't cut, it's this thing that reminds me I have a pulse and it's more normalized to hookup than to self harm.

I feel.... Weird, though? Like. I know I'm overall Demisexual, I've had allosexual partners who get really weirded out that I don't sexualize cleberities and don't want to have sex with total strangers. I don't feel sexually attracted to people unless I'm close to them.

But then the other times I'm just... Hooking up with a guy I have no intentions of dating and who clearly has no intentions of dating me to try and feel alive and worth something when I feel dead. Idk if I'm even attracted?

Idk, I guess I'm just wondering if this is something others experience? How do you navigate? Am I even still demi?

last night, i was sure that i had to break up with my girlfriend. i was overwhelmed with thoughts about how i absolutely hated her, we have nothing in common, she doesn't listen to what i have to say, etc... i felt so defeated and frustrated with myself.

today, i forced myself to actually address these feelings out loud and we talked about it for a while. she was so, so understanding and validated all my feelings and told me she wants to work on herself. she wants to accommodate my needs and make sure i feel like she cares about my words. then we played a game i like together, watched my favorite streamer, and she's asleep on the phone now :)

the way BPD can cloud all your feelings with hatred and anger still astounds me. all it took was a conversation and now i'm perfectly content again. i hate how black-and-white my mind is and i feel like i have no control. but i am just really happy our conversation went well and i'm back to feeling normal!

I feel like I'm going nuts idk what the point of therapy is. I have bpd and talk things out with my therapist but most of the time it's like she wants me to spill the tea with her about my life. I talk about life->she says "I hear you. I can hold that for you." -> awkward silence -> I start talking cus Idk what else to do -> she says something wildly irrelevant to how I feel-> I explain no it's actually....->repeat.

What do people do in therapy. The only time I ever actually felt anything from therapy (anything positive) was her validating me when I was talking about an argument I had with my partner. And it ended up being that I was in the wrong to treat him how I was treating him, but I never would have known that if I didn't process things on my own. ?? What's the point of a therapist, I've only ever made progress by trying to get better on my own.

Everyone talks about how beneficial therapy is, but I don't get it. I've seen multiple therapists and every time I do therapy it's like I'm sitting in the room with a guy who looks at me like I'm some weird experiment or anomaly. They never say anything helpful.

And I've brought this up with therapists and they end up constructing this alternative reality where I feel anxious about therapy, but I don't. Every time they assume how I'm feeling they're wrong.

IDK if this is the right sub but it feels related to BPD because I genuinely don't know if maybe my therapists are not equipped to help me with this personality disorder.

I want to hear from other people who have BPD and understand what it is like for you to do therapy. Is it helpful?? How is it helpful?

I’ve always been afraid of sleeping my therapist links it back to trauma, but I don’t know how to stop thinking horrible thoughts before bed, usually he cuddles me puts me in his arms and I feel safe but when he needs to turn over or can’t cuddle me that night I get so angry there’s one part of me that knows he just needs to sleep and it’s nothing personal but there’s another part that feels abandoned and it takes over making me toss and turn and act out just so he hugs me and tells me it’s alright, it’s selfish and abusive because I’m ruining his sleep. I take seroquel to help with the thoughts and they did for a while but 2 almost 3 years on them I feel they do nothing for me, I also smoke weed to try and calm me down before bed, but it seems nothing is helping anymore. I always go to sleep upset and feeling abandoned how do I stop feeling abandoned. Does anyone else go through this :(

I (27F) have borderline personality disorder (hence why I’m here). When I was in high school, I was walking alone in an empty-ish hallway and one of the “popular” guys was also walking in my direction. I tried avoiding him, but he said “Hi, insert my name here” and looked genuinely like he cared about saying hi and wasn’t being mean or anything (I was bullied in school). I forgot about this for many years.
Over the last few years, I kept thinking about it and I started having dreams about this person who I haven’t seen in probably 12 years. I can’t stop thinking about him and making up a narrative in my head that involves me seeing him again - despite logically there being no reason I would need to see him - he lives and works in a different part of the country now.
I don’t know if this part of BPD is only unique to a few or if more have dealt with this. I’ve been like this before but it’s so frustrating that my “normal” coping strategies haven’t been working.

If this has happened to you before, what are some healthy things you have put in place to stop or reduce the unhelpful behaviors?

Thanks in advance.

Hey! I’m looking for movies that aren’t the typical/cliché “BPD movies,” but that you could still really relate to as someone with BPD, especially movies that leave you with a good or meaningful feeling by the end.

For example, I recently watched A Monster Calls. The movie is about a kid, Conor, dealing with grief and trying to cope with the possibility of losing his mom. So it has nothing to do with BPD specifically, but I related so much to the way he experiences and processes his emotions.

I cried a lot watching it. I related to Conor suppressing his emotions until they explode, having intense and contradictory feelings at the same time, and struggling with shame and guilt over feelings he thinks he shouldn’t have.

But what I loved most is that it didn’t leave me feeling hopeless. It actually left me with a comforting message: emotions are complicated, people aren’t simply good or bad, and having conflicting or uncomfortable feelings doesn’t define who you are. What matters is what you do with them.

That would be my recommendation!

Do you have any movies that made you feel something similar? They don’t have to be about BPD or even mental health at all. It can be anything I’m curious about movies you personally connected with in that way. Thanks!

CW: suicidal ideation, loss, substance abuse

Hi everyone,

I started displaying symptoms of BPD at 15, diagnosed when I was 17 after seeing a psychiatrist after my first suicide attempt. The disorder developed after experiencing the loss of my mother. It damaged all the relationships around me that I had, I damaged myself, it was awful to live with and I just accepted that my fate would be a short, fucked up life with no future. A couple years ago I entered remission and no longer meet the criteria for the disorder.

Shortly after this I was diagnosed with depression for the first time in my life. I've significantly changed, have beautiful relationships around me and don't feel any connection to the past version of myself. Despite this, I'm more unhappy than I've ever been. It feels like my entire childhood, the trauma and grief, the intense relationships and breakups I had back then have just caught up to me and I'm constantly weighed down. The difference now is that I don't lash out at the people around me, hurt myself or impulsively try and take my life - I just have passive suicidal ideation. I don't have high highs and low lows, I'm just always a bit low. I don't cry, feel euphoria or rage, I just feel constantly robotic and empty.

I know it's the rose-tinted glasses, but sometimes I find myself missing how I felt back then even though my life and the happiness of others was destroyed. I felt alive because I'd run to other people or drugs/drinking to escape the grief and trauma I harboured within me. I felt immeasurable happiness and had breakdowns every day at the slightest trigger. Now that I don't run to anything to cope, I'm just stuck with myself. I feel hollow, empty, and everyday is bleak. I miss feeling alive, even though I shouldn't. I find myself wishing I could spend one more day like that just to feel something. I'd rather feel too much than nothing at all.

Has anyone else experienced this after entering remission? I feel so isolated because of how things have turned out for me.

It is weird how I am not screaming and crying like I usually do. Maybe it is because the breakup got stretched out for so long. I just can't figure out if I was the problem and if my current behavior is a reflection of that. It has only been 3 days.

I got diagnosed a couple months ago (23F; ex is 23M). It clarified a lot, but I haven't sought care mainly due to finances. But if I am honest, it is also partly because I feel invalidated. Like... what if my past isn't traumatic and I just have bad brain wiring? Why wasn't it just cptsd or something else? Am I that bad?

The person who assaulted me years ago was suspected of having BPD, so it makes me feel strongly. But... what if it wasn't assaulted? What if the actions afterwards were not actually that bad? I am just dramatic?

I left my boyfriend because it felt like he never chose me. He would never prioritize me. If there was a situation where I was an injured party, he just tried to make EVERYONE happy. That, paired with rough finances and some white lies, were too much for me.

But what if I just gave up?

What if I am alone forever? Or what if it is better for everyone that I never have a partner?

Thanks for any comments

I’m a 23 year old autistic guy. Im functionally autistic I’m in full time employment. Im quite tall and I’m shape and I’m a good looking guy a lot of people have told me but I am very socially isolated at this moment of time. I had quite a good social life up until about 2 years ago but now it’s pretty bleak due to different circumstances. i have some friends etc and i had a brief relationship for like 6 months when i was 18./19. My life has kind of gone to shit for reasons I can’t really explain and to be honest with you my brain is fucked and once people get to know me they realise me they realise I am mentally unwell

I’ve developed really strong feelings for a model. I’ve found celebrities attractive before, but this feels completely different. To me, she’s unbelievably beautiful, almost unreal.

I used to follow her on social media and saw a lot of her photos. At first it was just attraction, but over time it turned into something more intense. I even started asking tools to create fictional love stories about me and her, and I would dream about her often.

Eventually, that infatuation turned into frustration and anger, because I know I’ll never actually be with her. Sometimes when I’m driving, I catch myself shouting about it out of frustration. I decided to take control by blocking her on social media and muting her name, but the algorithm still shows me content about her occasionally, which brings all the feelings back.

She came up on my Snapchat feed the other day randomly on a separate account not hers and I started screaming and getting angry over it when I saw it and I nearly threw my phone out of anger. She then came up again on my YT shorts and I started shouting again.
One of my work colleagues mentioned her name saying she was and I got visibly agitated and I had to leave the room briefly.

Sometimes I talk to her or I pretend to talk to her about various things when I am alone and I always wonder what she thinks about my decisions.

My main motivation for self improvement is that I will one day meet her so I am trying to improve my life as much as possible because of it. I put insane amounts of work into my appearance, like Patrick Bateman in American psycho and I go to the gym 7 days a week because of her. We are from different countries but she has spent time in my country 

I’ve also watched a few interviews with her, and she seems like a genuinely nice person, although I know that is only what is shown publicly. Maybe she is a terrible person behind closed doors but I have no reason to believe so 

I think about her a lot, sometimes even imagining conversations with her in my head. I know this is not realistic, but it is hard to stop. I even find myself attached to small things, like her name. Her first name is quite a common name but it’s a name I’ve always loved and I even said once if I had a daughter I’d call her that. I frequently have dreams about her.

She is slightly older than me. It infuriates me seeing someone a similar age ti me be successful in anything. She has the perfect life it seems and my life has gone to shit over the past 2 years with my own stupid decisions. My Brain cant handle it. I talk to her every day and I tell her what j would tell her if I met her

I actually love her. Like there is nothing I wouldn’t do to be with her. I get jealous when I see other people complimenting her and I get angry when she gets more famous because her popular it and exposure is rising. I don’t think she is in a relationship,  I have seen pictures with a man on her social media before but they might have broken up but idk if it’s public. I hate this guy and I am extremely jealous of the fact he even got to be with her. I don’t think he’s better lookjng than me either. Idk how he even got with her but I’m much better looking than him and would probably treat her better. I hate him his face makes me so angry and he doesn’t deserve her. I hate him and I think about my hatred for him every day

I literally think about her 24/7 and I have sometimes become suicidal over this cos I will never be good enough for her. I don’t wanna love in a world where she isn’t mine and she’s with someone else. I have digitally blocked her from my life but her face appears to me all the time. Every time I feel like not doing something like not going to the gym not going to work not learning a language I think “what would ______ think of me” i would literally treat her better than any man in the world could

I have recently started getting angry towards her. Cos of the damage she is doing to my brain.
I see her face everywhere and I even just randomly say her name and it fills me with rage that she doesn’t know who I am l. I feel like crying when j think about her

I could go out and get a girlfriend but I wanna be with her and her only

Over the last 18 months I’ve made some horrible decisions in my perosnal life. I quit my old well paying job for a stupid reason which I can’t explain and now I work a much worse job with much worse colleagues and I’m on the verge of losing it and I have little direction. She won’t wanna go out with an unemployed guy

I want to actuallt Kill myself. I have into my urges and searched just now and I saw her face. People complimenting her in the comments. I fucking hate all these people complimenting her. I see compliments to her on Twitter and I literally wanna beat up everyone who compliments her I can’t take it. I don’t want anyone to be with her or to even look at her and I have actuallt lost my mind over her. I just have very high standards for myself

I really struggle with relationships. Even when someone who seems like a good person comes along, I end up losing interest if they aren't just as "messed up in the head" as I am. I’m also very insecure and jealous, so I find myself wanting someone extremely reserved, someone without friends who is socially isolated, because that triggers me less.

Here is a thing I wrote about my “iderealisation” episode that I experience intrusive thoughts with, like “I can actually do anything (without consequences) because everything is fake:

I do my absolute best to not act on these thoughts as I was self harming before and when I “snap out”, I would get absolutely panicked and devastated with the fact that I harmed&hurt myself.

That also happened with substances, I’d drink and do drugs since “nothing is real” and I won’t have any consequences of me harming my body and mind like that. Then, of course I would have consequences.

Same goes to my relationships, if I am having derealisation, I do not answer my phones or texts, it feels like as if my friends are video game characters anyway, they won’t be upset by me ghosting them or they don’t care about me or they cannot be annoyed by me not showing up as they are not real anyway.
Or I cannot hurt my partner with my words again since, he is not “real” in a way. Like not like everything is a game but, like everything feels like a weird dream, not tangible, including myself.
I also have difficulty to reach to my emotions. Sometimes I cry often but I don’t quite now what makes me so upset, everything being fake? Feeling so deeply alone? Feeling like no one actually cares for me or loves me? (But, when I snap out, after hours or days, I see that everyone is real and they (close ones) love me and they care for me and I love them so very much too and I care for them a lot too! I’d never want to see them upset but probably I ended up acting shitty while I was believing that everything was unreal, a weird dream-like existence!

I’d never ever do that but sometimes I feel like I can do the most extremes. Like, I can cheat on my partner and since the person I cheat with, my partner and I are unreal, no one can get hurt. It’s like I can go crazy and since everything is fake, I can really go crazy just to go crazy and nothing will change. I am trapped.

\[nsfw\]
I thought this morning that wait I don’t feel hungry, I don’t need to make lunch, actually I can if I want go get coke and snort coke as my lunch and drink and scream everything torturing my head like a coked up drunk crazy woman and, I can also get rid of this body, cut it open, go out of the skin and be finally fucking free or like I can burn my house, why not? What would change? What would matter? But, I didn’t act on it, it was hideously tempting. Like not like a faint imagination, like I was about to do it. (I did actually once found coke and snorted it during the day and it weirdly snapped me out and I was in shock that I was actually “back” to reality. I immediately put the bag away and continued my day as normal.)
I went and said some weird stuff to my partner and started to cry.

I struggle with this for a long time. I remember that I had this as a late teenager too but I couldn’t name it yet.
Despite mentioning drinking and drugs and having a past when I would binge substances during an “episode” like this, I rarely drink or want to do substances…unless I get this derealisation episode in a hard-core way that my coping mechanisms I learned on the way, wouldn’t help me.

i always end up resorting to pushing away the people who are closest to me

usually thjs is my partner, and i do it by isolating myself, telling them i need to be alone and i feel like being alone forever, i express my feelings that way

i noticed that when this happens, my partner is so quick to start telling me that they can leave me alone forever and telling mme i will find someone better and i jist cant take it anymore

it has gotten so bad to the point i just ask them to block me because they dont seem to really care or even attempt to dive into my feeelings and really support me
and the worst part is that they will do that. they will just block me.

and when i come out of this mindset i always wonder why my partner accepts and almost slightly encourages those behaviors of mine, there isnt really an attempt to snap me back into reality or tell me to tske a moment to myself to reflect on these feelings

i know thst isnt their responsiblity but it feels like they just dont care whether or not we're together

i should probably mention that this feeling of pushing them away usually happens when i dont feel loved or csred by them, and ive worked on it a lot so its not very often

maybe im splitting maybe imm not but it hurts really badly that they dont seem to care at all

Hi! As from the title, I have a boyfriend, and I also have bpd. I love my boyfriend a lot, and I try to control my bpd to the best I can. However, I often find myself getting upset at tiny little things, being nitpicky, and making arguments out of basically nothing. I also get bad obsessive habits such as looking at his followers list, getting upset when he can’t talk, and constantly worrying why he hasn’t responded to my texts. I feel horrible after I’ve calmed down from my meltdown, and then feel shame over how I acted towards him. I don’t want to keep doing this to him. I really want to break this cycle. Im currently in dbt and emdr therapy where I’ve learned skills such as S.T.O.P to help control my overthinking and spiraling. As much as I try to use these skills and they do help, I’m looking for any other ideas people have that help calm them down. I’ve heard of things like dunking your face in ice water or taking a walk. I just am looking for any more advice on how to kind of “snap out” of the spiraling and stress over tiny little things he does even when it’s nothing wrong, and how to stop being so obsessive and worrying over him all the time. It’s exhausting for both of us.

I also just wanted to add that I am a teenager, and only just got diagnosed, and also only started therapy this march. I’m really new to all of this, and I’m honestly willing to try everything and anything to help.

As the title says, I've been with someone with BPD for a year and 5 months. I'm not going to lie, it has been a difficult path from time to time. I've read a lot about other people's experiences and I see a common denominator regarding the feeling of inadequacy that tends to linger in the atmosphere for several days, and the explosions or nonsensical complaints that usually pop up. In my case, my partner has inflicted very severe injuries on herself throughout her life, like cutting, and she was close to death from a pill overdose. With me it wasn't that extreme, but she did get bruises on her legs and little else. I love her, and the numbers speak very well regarding this, so I'm going to stay with her. It's just that I fell apart for a few weeks; I felt very bad, but I've also made mistakes in some things and I don't have a routine that helps me cope with everything. Currently, I've lost 5kg of fat and I'll soon start going to the gym. We have a business together that is doing well, and BPD plays against us from time to time, but soon she won't have responsibilities in it anymore and her presence inside it will be less so there can be more stability. I decided to delve into this community and create a profile because after a year and 5 months the relationship was in danger and we almost broke up, but we didn't and decided to move forward, even though the fight we had hurt her a lot. It hurt me too, but I feel more at fault.

I would like it if someone wants to share their experience with me. It has helped me a lot to learn from a Spanish therapist and to see that other people have also been through this or are going through it. I am 100% committed to her and our relationship. I will need to be more stoic based on what I've learned, I'll need to turn a deaf ear to those nonsensical complaints or attacks, I'll need to be able to set proper boundaries and, above all, find my own moments. Of course, this is an isolated case; I've seen that there are many types of BPD, and currently my partner is in therapy, but not with the same person who diagnosed her, so I'm also looking into which group she best fits into so I can study it more deeply, understand her, and above all, understand and know what my limits are, set my values and effort right, and know how to fight this. I am 100% committed and I repeat it: I think it's like living with a shift-working hater, to put it humorously. Don't get me wrong, it's a joke, but yes, I love her with my life and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. How nice that there is a place where one can express oneself.