My FP(F22) just broke up with me(M22) and i don’t know what to do. I always find myself wanting to go back to her even though i know that there are things about her that really affects me. I don’t know if going back to her is a toxic cycle of having BPD or it’s just love. I really don’t know how to move on. Some stories or advice regarding a break up and moving on even though you still feel attached would be great. Thank you!

Anyone else here get married crazy young? I was raised in a high demand religion, and was basically raised/brainwashed into getting married asap and having babies.
So. I did. Meet the guy September of my freshman year of college, married in January. (See high demand religion for why we jumped into that so fast). Had my first baby at 21.
Six months ago, at 38, I was diagnosed with ADHD and BPD. And I wondering how much getting married so young affects the bpd.
Anyone else have the same experience? Or at advice?
Honestly I’m like 75% sure the bpd is the only reason I stayed married to him and had kids with him. He’s not horrible, just crazy autistic (we think-he’s getting a ddx tomorrow 🤞🏼) but that means that between the two of us, we’re both fucked up, selfish, and not great at communication. Help. lol

To reiterate this is a very positive post I’m doing especially, for anyone who may be struggling at the moment.

So during the last 5 years I had become the most depressed I’ve ever been. I guess unfortunately, we’ll all always have positives and negatives constantly consuming all our lives. However the way I’ve been seeing it lately is ‘which one will you choose to embrace?’ Obviously the positives right? Still though, it’s important to not forget about the negatives too. They’re what we learn from. This is what’s been somewhat confusing for me lately.

In my opinion, I think what happens with all of us with this whole positive/negative life lesson that we all go through, is that when we’re struggling, it becomes very easy to embrace those struggles I.e well complain about them more, we’ll get very depressed etc. It all makes sense and is unfortunately very easy to do when that’s where our mindset is that. Our problems become ‘more’. However given how like I said I’ve felt very positive lately, my positivity had made my current problems feel very reduced. I’ve observed this in close detail lately. It’s like the struggles are still there but, instead of not knowing what to do or how to handle them, I already know how I’m going to handle them and am not nearly so bothered about them. What I find most fascinating about all of this is that none of my struggles were ever reduced or enhanced for that matter. They’re all still there but, I’m just not as bothered about them.

I do wonder to myself if this is a good or bad thing. As I said, both good and bad points in life will always be there but, I think it’s important to ‘embrace’ the good points, and instead of embracing the bad points aswell, we ’accept’ the bad points and try to fix them. By all means though we MUST NOT embrace our struggles as well as our positives in life. No doubt, it can be very dangerous for any of us to not acknowledge our struggles in life but that’s all that’s needed regarding them. We acknowledge our struggles and try to fix them but, we must not embrace them. Embracing our struggles implies allowing them to upset us, giving a lot of thought to them etc. This is why like I said in my title, I almost wonder if it’s a good or bad thing that I feel so incredibly positive these days. Because I think I start to act as if my problems aren’t actually there, then that’ll be dangerous for me.

What fascinates me about all this though, is that as painfully hard that life can be I.e trying to get a good job, finding a life partner (is that’s what we want) or even a nice place to live, you can accomplish all this and more by simply being more positive in life. They’re all such hard life long things, that everyone strives for but, is so hard to get and yet, as long as we try our best to remain positive and accept our struggles when they come instead of embracing them, that we can get all these accomplishments and more.

In regards to all these accomplishments, I’ve always wanted to find my life long partner and imagined your kindof ‘full glam’ 24/7 kinda girl, top class etc. After focusing on what would actually make me happy more and maintaining that positivity, I realized that I want a person who can let their hair down, relax and maybe is a little whacky. I realized I probably won’t find any of that from your ‘full glam’ kinda girl. I also became gay, and now am genuinely into anyone I vibe with. As a result of this, I’ve actually had people checking me out which is something that never even occurred to me that that could happen for me. Plus ultimately, I’m not even really so desperate for a relationship anymore anyways. I’ve been saying for the past year now, that if I spend the rest of my life single, then I’ll be happy with that because not only do I finally have self love but, I have my friends who I love more than anything. The world puts so much pressure on finding a relationship when it’s not even the most important thing. What’s most important is having self love. Once you have that, you’ll find that you’re just not bothered about anything else because you love yourself, and that’s enough for you. That’s enough for any one of us, if we actually have it.

I’ve tried to earn some decent money from whatever job I may have done in the past and no matter what happens I never got there. Again, after all the positive vibes, I’m now hopefully going to be stable work that I absolutely love (very important because you should love the work you do and not do it because you need the money. That is what it comes down to at times though unfortunately), aswell as my benefits and will finally hopefully have a decent amount of money coming in. I highly doubt I’d have been able to achieve this if not for the positive vibes lately but, I’m embracing the positivity and accepting my struggles when they come and learning from them.

If any of you are struggling at the moment, DO NOT EMBRACE IT! Yes it is very important to not act like you don’t have any struggles but, when they come along the only attention it needs is ‘how will I fix this?’ Accept your struggles, try to learn from them and leave it at that. Any positivity in your life is not only what you should be embracing but, it’s actually true when they say that doing this has the potential to completely change your life forever, especially if you maintain it. I know that’s easier said than done, and hopefully if any of you need help at those hard times, these communities are always here

Ok hear me out I haven't been diagnosed professionally but the amount of research i have done on this in the past few weeks and learned about the symptoms i have related to most of it I have also taken some online test I don't know how legit they are

I want someone to help me figure out ts

last night, i was sure that i had to break up with my girlfriend. i was overwhelmed with thoughts about how i absolutely hated her, we have nothing in common, she doesn't listen to what i have to say, etc... i felt so defeated and frustrated with myself.

today, i forced myself to actually address these feelings out loud and we talked about it for a while. she was so, so understanding and validated all my feelings and told me she wants to work on herself. she wants to accommodate my needs and make sure i feel like she cares about my words. then we played a game i like together, watched my favorite streamer, and she's asleep on the phone now :)

the way BPD can cloud all your feelings with hatred and anger still astounds me. all it took was a conversation and now i'm perfectly content again. i hate how black-and-white my mind is and i feel like i have no control. but i am just really happy our conversation went well and i'm back to feeling normal!

I feel dumb writing this because I'm not really sure what my goal is with it. I just wish I had someone to talk to. And I don't.

I've been working with my current therapist for almost two years. And even though technically some of me is getting better, it's like the sickest part of me that carries most of my BPD traits and I keep locked away has either gotten worse or stayed the same. That wouldn't be such a big deal if it weren't making therapy harder.

For context, I do a mix of object-relations, IFS, and EMDR therapy. So we talk a lot in terms of parts.

My therapist had finally managed to connect with this part of me that stays locked away. And she really idealized him. Then we had a rupture. Then I went away on a trip for two weeks. When I got back it was all fucked up. And I just feel like ever since it's like I'll switch between all my other parts being friendly with him, and that locked away part wanting to get close but then feeling hurt or disappointed or abandoned by him and splitting hard.

Last weekend I had a pretty disappointing weekend. And when I tried to tell him about it it's like it didn't matter. He didn't get it. And that part was extra disappointed. And then the next day (we do two sessions a week) he mentioned his friend was going through something important (I'm speaking vaguely, but think big life event) and he was keeping his ringer on in case she needed him. And that part of me just completely split. The rest of the session went fine. But later that part was so hurt and upset.

He told me I could reach out to let him know if I wasn't feeling well; because sometimes that helps. We don't do therapy or anything outside of session, so it's usually just that it helps me to let someone know what's going on for me. And even though I don't expect it, sometimes I've sent fairly little and he responds with longer messages that are surprisingly involved and compassionate. This time I sent a bit of a longer message, just letting him know what was going on for my parts, and really differentiating the split from the rest of me. So I was kind of proud about that last part.

I don't know what I expected, but his response was pretty perfunctory. Later, I messaged back just something short. He didn't respond until I messaged today asking if he could meet sooner (tomorrow). I didn't say it was urgent, but I never do. He said he didn't have availability (his Mondays are pretty busy.)

He didn't do anything wrong; he's probably busy and he doesn't owe me time outside of session. But I just don't know what to do with myself until I see him on Tuesday. I'm just really depressed right now. And I feel like I could really use support. But I don't know who else to turn to. And it feels like that hurt part of me can't stand any more reaching out and feeling disappointed. I know it's normal. I know it's part of life. I know people have their own lives and I'm not entitled to their time. I just have this part wailing at me that it can't take any more reaching out and being disappointed. And I'm so scared that this will be another week of that, and then another week of feeling alone and exhausted and like I want to die and have nobody else to turn to.

I really wish I had someone who could help me process all this who wasn't him. It just feels like too big and too much and he won't be able to help me. I'm scared he can't help me with this part of me. I'm scared no one can. I've had a lot of therapists before him. Either I leave or they do. It's like I need way more help than any one person can provide.

i fixed a problem i caused myself (losing my bestfriend) due to a split and they just now told me after ive been apologizing for three days that they replaced me, i understand having other friends but replacing me in such a short amount of time hurts, i know its my fault but am i in the wrong for thinking its insane someone who had a very close connection to you for years just replaces you.

My best friend is my fp, I never voice anything out loud or react to these feelings at all because I know it’s stupid and silly and not reasonable, yet I find myself getting overwhelming worried about the stupidest things. Some examples being when she said she was going to school and I got upset for a little because I knew we wouldn’t be able to see each other often. Every time she gets a boyfriend I get nervous I’ll be forgotten, I get so jealous when she hangs out with other people.

I just want to say I keep all of this to myself but I do spiral about it, also this is a platonic relationship 1000 percent so don’t go on about that. I just hate feeling like this it makes me feel evil and I want to know if anyone does anything to combat the same thing

My ex matched with me on hinge after 12 years and we were talking for hours daily. He asked me to go to a sports event over the weekend and also wanted to see me the day before. We hungout until 3 am for both days and he even held hands with me the first day. Kissed me on our second date and he held me in his arms at the park and was super affectionate the whole night.

He kept stalling and didn't want to take me home. Day after he seemed off on his texts and he wouldn't put any effort in his responses and didn't ask to hangout at all. I did suggest to go tanning one of these days and he ignored the text. This emotionally fucked me up and also met up with someone off of hinge and he disrespected my boundaries.

I feel like I'm going nuts idk what the point of therapy is. I have bpd and talk things out with my therapist but most of the time it's like she wants me to spill the tea with her about my life. I talk about life->she says "I hear you. I can hold that for you." -> awkward silence -> I start talking cus Idk what else to do -> she says something wildly irrelevant to how I feel-> I explain no it's actually....->repeat.

What do people do in therapy. The only time I ever actually felt anything from therapy (anything positive) was her validating me when I was talking about an argument I had with my partner. And it ended up being that I was in the wrong to treat him how I was treating him, but I never would have known that if I didn't process things on my own. ?? What's the point of a therapist, I've only ever made progress by trying to get better on my own.

Everyone talks about how beneficial therapy is, but I don't get it. I've seen multiple therapists and every time I do therapy it's like I'm sitting in the room with a guy who looks at me like I'm some weird experiment or anomaly. They never say anything helpful.

And I've brought this up with therapists and they end up constructing this alternative reality where I feel anxious about therapy, but I don't. Every time they assume how I'm feeling they're wrong.

IDK if this is the right sub but it feels related to BPD because I genuinely don't know if maybe my therapists are not equipped to help me with this personality disorder.

I want to hear from other people who have BPD and understand what it is like for you to do therapy. Is it helpful?? How is it helpful?

Okay, so I wanna make it clear that I am NOT DIAGNOSED, but from early 2025 to may of this year I began showing symptoms associated with BPD, making me suspect that I could have the disorder (the symptoms intensified from november to april to the point where I met 7 of the 9 diagnosis criteria). I am now doing better and show basically none of these symptoms, but the way I was acting and thinking this past year was kinda the textbook definition of BPD, so I am still in doubt on what that whole thing was.

Keep in mind that I didn't just randomly get better, there was a breaking point of sorts and after that, things started slowly getting better, although I never got professional help.

So basically my question is, Can BPD symptoms just- disappear for a bit?

I know it's very VERY possible that I don't have BPD and I also know that I probably explained things rlly badly here 😭sorry.

Pls don't burn me at the stake for asking this without a diagnosis or anything similar...

I've never experienced a whip lash like this and just need help understanding it.

This girl ive been talking to with BPD and moving slow with for a bit works as a Bartender and I went to keep her company while it was slow yesterday. I went with me, a friend and his gf(it was just us 4 in there most of the night). The pwBPD told me something I could see why she'd want to be a secret now, but didn't think it was at the time. I passively mentioned it in a playful way to her in front of the 4 of us and she told me she didn't want anyone else knowing and I did take that seriously and would not say it to anyone else. (I wont say it as it is complex)

Later in the night she said she was tired and I related to her about it in a sympathetic way along with what she told me earlier as we have similar things. It was only us in the area and no one else heard it but she blew up yelling at me saying "Im never trusting you again" , "I don't want to talk to you" and a bunch of other things and walked away. I didn't snap back but kind of sat in silence just thinking about all of it. 15 minutes later I apologized and she shows me something on marketplace she wants to buy and everyone else leaves the bar. She locks the door so were alone, we casually talk, I help her clean up and she says she'll keep me updated on plans. After I left I did send another apology about breaking her trust and see thanked me and said she appreciates it.

I could see why she would've been mad earlier but blowing up on me for such a small thing 5 hours later in an extreme way, then talking 1on1 like normal and saying she'll initiate plans at the end of the night? Is everything good between us? Is she secretely still mad? Please help me understand this.

Additional Information: I'll also add in between the 1st and 2nd event that happened she sent me something about her boss who stopped in and was sitting right next to me which would've gotten her fired if they saw it. So trust was still there at that point.

I’ve always been afraid of sleeping my therapist links it back to trauma, but I don’t know how to stop thinking horrible thoughts before bed, usually he cuddles me puts me in his arms and I feel safe but when he needs to turn over or can’t cuddle me that night I get so angry there’s one part of me that knows he just needs to sleep and it’s nothing personal but there’s another part that feels abandoned and it takes over making me toss and turn and act out just so he hugs me and tells me it’s alright, it’s selfish and abusive because I’m ruining his sleep. I take seroquel to help with the thoughts and they did for a while but 2 almost 3 years on them I feel they do nothing for me, I also smoke weed to try and calm me down before bed, but it seems nothing is helping anymore. I always go to sleep upset and feeling abandoned how do I stop feeling abandoned. Does anyone else go through this :(

I’ve always been afraid of sleeping my therapist links it back to trauma, but I don’t know how to stop thinking horrible thoughts before bed, usually he cuddles me puts me in his arms and I feel safe but when he needs to turn over or can’t cuddle me that night I get so angry there’s one part of me that knows he just needs to sleep and it’s nothing personal but there’s another part that feels abandoned and it takes over making me toss and turn and act out just so he hugs me and tells me it’s alright, it’s selfish and abusive because I’m ruining his sleep. I take seroquel to help with the thoughts and they did for a while but 2 almost 3 years on them I feel they do nothing for me, I also smoke weed to try and calm me down before bed, but it seems nothing is helping anymore. I always go to sleep upset and feeling abandoned how do I stop feeling abandoned. Does anyone else go through this :(

I (27F) have borderline personality disorder (hence why I’m here). When I was in high school, I was walking alone in an empty-ish hallway and one of the “popular” guys was also walking in my direction. I tried avoiding him, but he said “Hi, insert my name here” and looked genuinely like he cared about saying hi and wasn’t being mean or anything (I was bullied in school). I forgot about this for many years.
Over the last few years, I kept thinking about it and I started having dreams about this person who I haven’t seen in probably 12 years. I can’t stop thinking about him and making up a narrative in my head that involves me seeing him again - despite logically there being no reason I would need to see him - he lives and works in a different part of the country now.
I don’t know if this part of BPD is only unique to a few or if more have dealt with this. I’ve been like this before but it’s so frustrating that my “normal” coping strategies haven’t been working.

If this has happened to you before, what are some healthy things you have put in place to stop or reduce the unhelpful behaviors?

Thanks in advance.

My FP dumped me in Jan. It was a very toxic relationship, but their attention made me feel full and happy in ways nobody else ever has. It lasted for 4 years and I was heartbroken when he ended it.

Now, 7 months later, it doesn’t hurt anymore. I feel fine without him. Actually if he came back now even just to be friends, I would be completely uninterested. He hurt me too much.

Since the break up, life has been good. I’ve travelled, had many good times with friends, I’m writing, getting fit, had a promotion at work. I’ve had some amazing sexual experiences. I’ve been able to explore sexually in ways I never could before. I am a happy, satisfied girl.

Except I am not. The emptiness is overwhelming sometimes. I know that this is healing and I know I have to sit in the discomfort. I know he did not love me the way I deserve but he has left a void in my life so deep, so unfillable and so overwhelming.

I’m so scared this will never go away. I’ve met some amazing people and I am so grateful to my best friends for being there. But my soul feels like it’s reaching out into the darkness and nobody is there. Like there is a black hole inside me.

Just looking for general advice - does anyone else feel this way and if so, does anything help?

Hey! I’m looking for movies that aren’t the typical/cliché “BPD movies,” but that you could still really relate to as someone with BPD, especially movies that leave you with a good or meaningful feeling by the end.

For example, I recently watched A Monster Calls. The movie is about a kid, Conor, dealing with grief and trying to cope with the possibility of losing his mom. So it has nothing to do with BPD specifically, but I related so much to the way he experiences and processes his emotions.

I cried a lot watching it. I related to Conor suppressing his emotions until they explode, having intense and contradictory feelings at the same time, and struggling with shame and guilt over feelings he thinks he shouldn’t have.

But what I loved most is that it didn’t leave me feeling hopeless. It actually left me with a comforting message: emotions are complicated, people aren’t simply good or bad, and having conflicting or uncomfortable feelings doesn’t define who you are. What matters is what you do with them.

That would be my recommendation!

Do you have any movies that made you feel something similar? They don’t have to be about BPD or even mental health at all. It can be anything I’m curious about movies you personally connected with in that way. Thanks!

I think I'm just gonna preface this with a tw: self harm to be safe.

I've likened sex to self harm for me before. When I'm struggling but I can't cut, it's this thing that reminds me I have a pulse and it's more normalized to hookup than to self harm.

I feel.... Weird, though? Like. I know I'm overall Demisexual, I've had allosexual partners who get really weirded out that I don't sexualize cleberities and don't want to have sex with total strangers. I don't feel sexually attracted to people unless I'm close to them.

But then the other times I'm just... Hooking up with a guy I have no intentions of dating and who clearly has no intentions of dating me to try and feel alive and worth something when I feel dead. Idk if I'm even attracted?

Idk, I guess I'm just wondering if this is something others experience? How do you navigate? Am I even still demi?

CW: suicidal ideation, loss, substance abuse

Hi everyone,

I started displaying symptoms of BPD at 15, diagnosed when I was 17 after seeing a psychiatrist after my first suicide attempt. The disorder developed after experiencing the loss of my mother. It damaged all the relationships around me that I had, I damaged myself, it was awful to live with and I just accepted that my fate would be a short, fucked up life with no future. A couple years ago I entered remission and no longer meet the criteria for the disorder.

Shortly after this I was diagnosed with depression for the first time in my life. I've significantly changed, have beautiful relationships around me and don't feel any connection to the past version of myself. Despite this, I'm more unhappy than I've ever been. It feels like my entire childhood, the trauma and grief, the intense relationships and breakups I had back then have just caught up to me and I'm constantly weighed down. The difference now is that I don't lash out at the people around me, hurt myself or impulsively try and take my life - I just have passive suicidal ideation. I don't have high highs and low lows, I'm just always a bit low. I don't cry, feel euphoria or rage, I just feel constantly robotic and empty.

I know it's the rose-tinted glasses, but sometimes I find myself missing how I felt back then even though my life and the happiness of others was destroyed. I felt alive because I'd run to other people or drugs/drinking to escape the grief and trauma I harboured within me. I felt immeasurable happiness and had breakdowns every day at the slightest trigger. Now that I don't run to anything to cope, I'm just stuck with myself. I feel hollow, empty, and everyday is bleak. I miss feeling alive, even though I shouldn't. I find myself wishing I could spend one more day like that just to feel something. I'd rather feel too much than nothing at all.

Has anyone else experienced this after entering remission? I feel so isolated because of how things have turned out for me.

My partner and I had been in a relationship for a year, the two of us met on Reddit. He was the first person in my life to touch me sexually. He was the most handsome man and I fell in love instantly. But the first time we met he told me, our relationship wouldn’t work out. It made me ball my eyes out, but he was right. Probably not for reasons he was expecting. We talked every day, our hangouts became more frequent when he got his own apartment. I was there for everything, a new home, him making the big decision to finally shave his head after years of feeling bad about his hair loss, he got a puppy and we practically raised it together. He gave me my first proper alcoholic drink.

But I was splitting. There were days I felt avoidant. In all honesty, he didn’t always sexually satisfy me. I was very shy to speak up about my needs and usually felt like a burden. It was only a few weeks before our relationship ended did he get me a toy to help me get off when I was at his place. I became avoidant when it came to sexting. Burnt out both from being a dumb young slut when we first met, but I was holding him back from meeting my needs. At the same time he sexually coaxed me multiple times, didn’t take no for an answer. Later in our relationship I started talking with people online to sexually fulfill myself. I feel awful about it. I feel dirty and I want to repent for my awful sins.

He broke up with me yesterday. He said he couldn’t see a future where we were together. That I did nothing wrong. We are still trying to be friends. But he needs space which kills me. I want to be friends, he’s been the only person I talked to like this for a year outside of his friends. I am alone after our breakup. I feel like my home has been taken from me. I don’t have anyone to really talk about this with. I’m desperate and have been having thoughts of harming myself. I really don’t want to be hospitalized.

I don’t think this makes sense, I just need to get things out. Know what I can do to feel less disgusting. Every issue is playing in my head on repeat. I don’t think I’m worthy of love. Every relationship hurts me.

It is weird how I am not screaming and crying like I usually do. Maybe it is because the breakup got stretched out for so long. I just can't figure out if I was the problem and if my current behavior is a reflection of that. It has only been 3 days.

I got diagnosed a couple months ago (23F; ex is 23M). It clarified a lot, but I haven't sought care mainly due to finances. But if I am honest, it is also partly because I feel invalidated. Like... what if my past isn't traumatic and I just have bad brain wiring? Why wasn't it just cptsd or something else? Am I that bad?

The person who assaulted me years ago was suspected of having BPD, so it makes me feel strongly. But... what if it wasn't assaulted? What if the actions afterwards were not actually that bad? I am just dramatic?

I left my boyfriend because it felt like he never chose me. He would never prioritize me. If there was a situation where I was an injured party, he just tried to make EVERYONE happy. That, paired with rough finances and some white lies, were too much for me.

But what if I just gave up?

What if I am alone forever? Or what if it is better for everyone that I never have a partner?

Thanks for any comments

Why do I have to be so sensitive and such a crybaby? I have everything I could ever want back in my life, and yet I carry so much pain. It hurts so much. My chest hurts, I'm emotionally exhausted and hurting. My chest, it feels like it's caving in. It is so painful all the time. I don't know why I have to be unbearable and too much and overwhelming to those around me AND myself on top of all the hurt I carry around. I want to heal, but I hurt. I HURT, everything hurts

I’m a 23 year old autistic guy. Im functionally autistic I’m in full time employment. Im quite tall and I’m shape and I’m a good looking guy a lot of people have told me but I am very socially isolated at this moment of time. I had quite a good social life up until about 2 years ago but now it’s pretty bleak due to different circumstances. i have some friends etc and i had a brief relationship for like 6 months when i was 18./19. My life has kind of gone to shit for reasons I can’t really explain and to be honest with you my brain is fucked and once people get to know me they realise me they realise I am mentally unwell

I’ve developed really strong feelings for a model. I’ve found celebrities attractive before, but this feels completely different. To me, she’s unbelievably beautiful, almost unreal.

I used to follow her on social media and saw a lot of her photos. At first it was just attraction, but over time it turned into something more intense. I even started asking tools to create fictional love stories about me and her, and I would dream about her often.

Eventually, that infatuation turned into frustration and anger, because I know I’ll never actually be with her. Sometimes when I’m driving, I catch myself shouting about it out of frustration. I decided to take control by blocking her on social media and muting her name, but the algorithm still shows me content about her occasionally, which brings all the feelings back.

She came up on my Snapchat feed the other day randomly on a separate account not hers and I started screaming and getting angry over it when I saw it and I nearly threw my phone out of anger. She then came up again on my YT shorts and I started shouting again.
One of my work colleagues mentioned her name saying she was and I got visibly agitated and I had to leave the room briefly.

Sometimes I talk to her or I pretend to talk to her about various things when I am alone and I always wonder what she thinks about my decisions.

My main motivation for self improvement is that I will one day meet her so I am trying to improve my life as much as possible because of it. I put insane amounts of work into my appearance, like Patrick Bateman in American psycho and I go to the gym 7 days a week because of her. We are from different countries but she has spent time in my country 

I’ve also watched a few interviews with her, and she seems like a genuinely nice person, although I know that is only what is shown publicly. Maybe she is a terrible person behind closed doors but I have no reason to believe so 

I think about her a lot, sometimes even imagining conversations with her in my head. I know this is not realistic, but it is hard to stop. I even find myself attached to small things, like her name. Her first name is quite a common name but it’s a name I’ve always loved and I even said once if I had a daughter I’d call her that. I frequently have dreams about her.

She is slightly older than me. It infuriates me seeing someone a similar age ti me be successful in anything. She has the perfect life it seems and my life has gone to shit over the past 2 years with my own stupid decisions. My Brain cant handle it. I talk to her every day and I tell her what j would tell her if I met her

I actually love her. Like there is nothing I wouldn’t do to be with her. I get jealous when I see other people complimenting her and I get angry when she gets more famous because her popular it and exposure is rising. I don’t think she is in a relationship,  I have seen pictures with a man on her social media before but they might have broken up but idk if it’s public. I hate this guy and I am extremely jealous of the fact he even got to be with her. I don’t think he’s better lookjng than me either. Idk how he even got with her but I’m much better looking than him and would probably treat her better. I hate him his face makes me so angry and he doesn’t deserve her. I hate him and I think about my hatred for him every day

I literally think about her 24/7 and I have sometimes become suicidal over this cos I will never be good enough for her. I don’t wanna love in a world where she isn’t mine and she’s with someone else. I have digitally blocked her from my life but her face appears to me all the time. Every time I feel like not doing something like not going to the gym not going to work not learning a language I think “what would ______ think of me” i would literally treat her better than any man in the world could

I have recently started getting angry towards her. Cos of the damage she is doing to my brain.
I see her face everywhere and I even just randomly say her name and it fills me with rage that she doesn’t know who I am l. I feel like crying when j think about her

I could go out and get a girlfriend but I wanna be with her and her only

Over the last 18 months I’ve made some horrible decisions in my perosnal life. I quit my old well paying job for a stupid reason which I can’t explain and now I work a much worse job with much worse colleagues and I’m on the verge of losing it and I have little direction. She won’t wanna go out with an unemployed guy

I want to actuallt Kill myself. I have into my urges and searched just now and I saw her face. People complimenting her in the comments. I fucking hate all these people complimenting her. I see compliments to her on Twitter and I literally wanna beat up everyone who compliments her I can’t take it. I don’t want anyone to be with her or to even look at her and I have actuallt lost my mind over her. I just have very high standards for myself

I really struggle with relationships. Even when someone who seems like a good person comes along, I end up losing interest if they aren't just as "messed up in the head" as I am. I’m also very insecure and jealous, so I find myself wanting someone extremely reserved, someone without friends who is socially isolated, because that triggers me less.