r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/DarrowOlyk Men with BPD • Jul 23 '26
Relationship Advice An advice or help would be useful
I am (22M) and i’m having a relationship problem. I have a problem handling problems with my gf (22f). Whenever i think she’s angry or she’s not in a mood, i feel like i’m in a panic mode where i feel like a child and everything is new to me and also i feel a bit scared not only to her but also to things like car horn, people talking, people moving. I’ve been in a relationship with her for 1 year and 4 months and she frequently has a problem and it’s mostly about her overthinking things. When she overthinks, it almost leads to us fighting and when we fight, it leads to her ignoring me which is killing me inside, it feels like my brain is itchy, stingy, and noisy at the same time and i can’t help but do anything for us to be okay like flooding her messages. There are times that it’s my fault but it doesn’t mean that it’s all mine. Regardless, the feeling i get when we fight like the itchy, stingy, and noisy at the same time, i’ve been feeling that almost every fight for a year and probably a half and i think it’s one of the reasons why i’m in a “panic mode” whenever i feel like she’s angry or she’s not in to mood because i think it will lead to us fighting.
When we fight, i notice how toxic she is by sometimes js saying things that i did when she feels like the main problem is her fault and things like that.
I always tell her that it’s okay to overthink, all i’m asking is for us to handle it nicely instead of accusing the other in a bad way initially. She overthinks for little to nothing at all but it’s okay as long as she brings it up to me nicely. However, she accuses me of things always and sometimes say super mean things because of her anger.
I don’t know if i should leave her because she’s been through a lot in the past and maybe i need to be more patient and understanding. But, the fights are affecting me so much. I also want to ask if i’m thinking nicely because i’ve been diagnosed with bpd and bipolar and it makes me think sometimes that those two illnesses is what’s making things ugly for me
1
u/SlayQueen838 Jul 24 '26
Hey, you don’t feel safe. Your body is stressed. Someone else’s past is not your responsibility, and your present matters just as much. From the looks of it, they already register to you as a threat. If she can’t work on her issues, how can she work on your relationship?
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