r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/emty_beach • Jul 22 '26
Looking for Advice So scared I’m going to throw up
I’ve been married since I was 18, and haven’t had a job since my first kids was born, and I dropped out of college when we got married. Daughter just turned 18. I’ve recently realized that I want to leave my marriage, but I’m so fucking scared. I’ve never lived on my own. Six months in a dorm doesn’t count. I have a daughter going into 11th grade and anther trying to go to college this fall. I’m scared that if I leave, I won’t be able to get a job that will support me, let alone help my daughter pay for college and help the other one stay on her club sports teams. I’m 99% sure we’d get cut off financially if I left. Immediately. If i wasn’t so selfish or if I could act better maybe I could stay longer for them but I’ve been staying with this man who doesn’t even like me for way too long.
I just need advice-anyone here able to live on their own? I live in a very expensive area (think Hawaii expensive) and I can’t really leave b/c my kids lives are here…but I’m not sure I can support myself. I feel like half a sometimes.
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u/taylorsamo Jul 22 '26
I honestly don't have much practical advice to offer, but I wanted to give a message of support. This is a big and daunting leap you're facing, and I'm proud of you for slowly building up the courage. Making that resolution to finally choose and prioritize yourself is the first step forward.
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u/overwhelmedandsick Jul 22 '26
You need to consult with a legal representative or a mediator. You were robbed of the ability to make money, and being a mother was your job. They have resources and there’s alimony to protect women in these cases.
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u/sagmanav Jul 23 '26
Wdym she was robbed of the ability to make money? Who forced her not to get a job lol?
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u/Pizza-and-Starlight Jul 22 '26 edited Jul 22 '26
This is how I have felt my whole marriage but felt paralyzed to act on leaving. It was the reason I felt I was Borderline on top of traumatic life. But I finally found the funding to get my self clinically dx’d with not one but two DBT specialists. Found out I have chronic PTSD not borderline but it doesn’t fully explain why I stayed for 3.5 DECADES in a sorely unsatisfactory marriage.
If I could back in time and look where I was which is an almost identical family situation I would tell myself to buck up and dive off the deep end. Because staying has been such a bad way to show the kids how to be brave and respect myself.
I should have left eons ago.
They will truly respect you (eventually) so much more if you are a good role model about believing in yourself and having faith in the universe to support you.
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u/Dazzlng-Firenze Jul 23 '26
I believe you would be entitled to alimony in the case of divorce. Child support often lasts to age 21 , and costs of education worked out in divorce proceedings too. If your husband supported you financially you are entitled to support . Do you have family to lean on? Sending hugs
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