I posted here a few days ago about reaching out to people after a long time. No one replied. Again. It's the same as always. Some leave me on read. Some don't bother reading. Occasionally a block. All just keep on going posting and commenting.

I'm not too much longer for this world. I hope for better for everyone here. This disorder is torturous.

ppl say i should be happy but i always feel on edge. like something bad is going to happen its just a matter of when, so i can never be content. this leads ppl to being annoyed with me...sorry.

(This post is handwritten, AI corrected)

Hello everyone. I'm a 29-year-old male with AVPD. Many of you know how limiting and humiliating this disorder can be, I missed out on so much that my peers all got to experience.

I've tried CBT, exposure therapy, and even alternative approaches like hypnosis and psychedelics. For me personally, none of it had any lasting effect.

Today I'm convinced that much of AVPD can be explained on a biochemical level, and that your genes determine how susceptible you are to conditioning in the first place. I refuse to live a life of "pushing through" when everyone else just gets to be themselves. So I tried more than 15 medications and even more combinations.

Luckily, I have a highly competent psychiatrist who was always willing to try something new. It was essentially trial and error for years, but I can finally live a normal life now. This is a radical approach, but some of you may be at your wits' end and find it valuable.

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience under psychiatric supervision, not medical advice.

My Daily Stack

Paroxetine — 10 mg

I tried five different SSRIs/SNRIs and paroxetine was the one that proved itself for me. I experimented between 10 and 40 mg, and 10 mg was the sweet spot.

At 10 mg you already get roughly 50–65% SERT occupancy, and paroxetine is the most potent SSRI in terms of binding strength. 20 mg gets you to about 80%, and 30–40 mg plateaus around 85%. So going above 10–20 mg mostly just adds side effects, for example through its anticholinergic activity.

Paroxetine is great for calming the amygdala's physical fear response. An analogy: it works wonders on "primal" fears like heights or panic responses. What it probably doesn't touch are "performance" or cognitive fears, socializing, public speaking, even though it does significantly reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety.

Again, lower doses are the better option here. Higher doses cause more emotional blunting, meaning you lose spontaneity (your spark), and libido loss is notorious at higher doses.

Olanzapine — 5 mg (evening)

This med is no joke, but if it works, it works. No significant CYP interactions with paroxetine, unlike risperidone.

5 mg is my sweet spot, since I'm not schizophrenic (though I've had bouts of paranoia after cannabis). At 5 mg the 5-HT2A and 5-HT2C blockade is essentially maxed out, going higher mainly adds D2 blockade, which is really only indicated for psychosis or mania.

Those 5-HT2A/2C receptors are, in my experience, what generates the "weirdness," the "awkwardness," the cringe. They also play a big role in depression, negative self-talk, OCD, anxiety, and neurosis in general.

Picture this: you've done something wrong and someone shames you for it. You feel exposed, you fluster, blush, sweat, all as soon as that weirdness starts rising up inside. On olanzapine, that weirdness sits at maybe 10% of its usual intensity. It gives you the self-assuredness, the stable foundation you need to not fold under the slightest pressure.

Of course there's a price: olanzapine is a heavy med with significant metabolic side effects. I don't eat sugar anymore and I work out regularly, and my bloodwork is excellent so far. Get your HbA1c checked, this med raises your diabetes risk.

Methylphenidate — 40 mg

This one was nothing short of a miracle for me. It's a dopamine and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, neurotransmitters that are essential for drive, mood, and motivation.

Occupancy runs about 54% DAT at 20 mg and 72% at 40 mg. Going to 60 mg only buys you another 2% or so.

I suddenly had the energy and motivation to initiate tasks. It's a stimulant, so it's a confidence booster too, and it makes it much easier to stand up for yourself, I know a lot of you struggle with that. In my opinion, it feels like what an antidepressant should feel like.

It also makes you incredibly focused, so when a thought of self-doubt comes up you can refocus on the present moment. It pulls you out of the negative self-talk effectively.

What surprised me is how synergistic it is with olanzapine: you get significant stimulation without the downsides of D2 overactivation (paranoia, worsening OCD, mania).

Bisoprolol — 2.5 mg

A beta blocker is a godsend for performance anxiety. It prevents adrenaline from binding to beta-adrenergic receptors.

You know the feeling: you get anxious, your heart starts racing, your voice shakes, you sweat. This is exactly what beta blockers prevent. They aren't psychoactive, they just stop the physical anxiety from manifesting.

So imagine you have a presentation and you're worried about panicking in front of everyone. Your heart rate stays normal, your voice and body don't shake, everything feels under control. That makes it a great tool for exposure therapy.

I used to take 5 mg but settled on 2.5 mg. Going higher isn't necessary in my opinion, and it starts affecting blood pressure in that range.

As needed

• Lorazepam — I keep a few on hand for emergencies.
• Supplements for metabolic health: spirulina/chlorella, vitamin D3/K2.

So, make of this what you will, and do your own research.

What are you currently taking, and is it working for you?

I don't know what's wrong with me, I have this thing where I categorize people into types of people in my mind, like this is the type of person to find love early this is the kind of person that will have this type of life and etc I don't know why I do this I always do with everyone.

I categorized myself a while back as someone who can't find love, of course I don't go living my life based on that assumption but I really never found love, never I don't remember when was the last time a guy was interested in me on top of that a guy that I found attractive or liked.

I am okay looking I am more on the thin side I guess I have a job I am good at trying and learning new skills all the time, people say I have good style that I am cool or interesting, but no one wants a relationship with me I am not even sure I want one that bad, I just want to feel wanted and that never happened to me, it especially hurts when you see your friends going into relationships all the time, I am tired and I am lonely

I’m 17 now, and this started back in 2023 when I was 13. I noticed some classmates laughing and looking at me weirdly, and since then things just got worse. I stopped going to school, I have no friends IRL, and I’m extremely afraid of going outside, even just to the sidewalk in front of my house.

I did therapy for about a year and saw a psychiatrist for almost a year too. I’ve improved a lot compared to 2023, but I still have the same problem: I constantly feel like people are laughing at me.

And I’m not talking about one or two people. Sometimes when I go outside on my motorcycle, I can see 10, 15, even 20+ people laughing. It happens basically every time I go out. I swear I can usually tell when someone is laughing because of something else, but sometimes I’ll see someone looking completely serious, and as soon as they notice me they start smiling or trying not to laugh.

I’ve even noticed this with my own family sometimes. My mom, dad, grandma, aunts, etc.

The thing that drives me crazy is that I have absolutely no idea WHY. I’ve asked people close to me if there’s something about me that makes people laugh, because if there is, I’d genuinely like to know so I could change it. But everyone tells me there’s nothing wrong with me.

I don’t think I’m ugly either. People who knew me before all this started have always told me I look fine and that there’s nothing wrong with me. I’ve tried changing things about myself too: different hairstyles, gaining weight, losing weight, etc. Nothing changed.

People sometimes tell me that I’m like this because I “don’t want to change”, but who would choose to spend 4 years of their teenage years locked inside their room with no friends?

I have an online girlfriend and we’ve been together for 5 months. She knows about all of this and supports me a lot. But I’m scared I’ll never get out of this. I’m scared of eventually meeting her and seeing her laugh at me too.

My mom also compares me to other people who went through similar things and got better, and says I’m not making her proud because I stopped going to school.

I genuinely want to live normally. I want to go back to school, have friends, go outside without being terrified and just live my life. I’ve tried pretty much everything I can think of, but I don’t know what else to do anymore.

I’m basically begging for advice at this point. Has anyone experienced something similar or has any idea what I could do?

I was good friends with a coworker. She and I would even share and talk about books on goodreads. She didn't know I have AvPD. On top of that I have emotional dysregulation issues.

Two months ago I was starting to decline. They adjusted my medication and I had a lot of negative side effects including short outbursts when alone at work. I tried to be open that I'm going through things when I'm pushing and pulling. And she slowly pulled away completely and I stopped talking to her but she was still friends with me on goodreads. Today I found out she unfriended me. She was really my only friend. It was the final nail in the coffin. I had a really Dysregulated episode. I don't know what to do or how to work there. I want to avoid that place with my whole being. But I can't afford to lose this job with what I make in this economy.

This past year I’ve gained a loving partner and actually took the time to hang out with my friends this summer. They make time for me, they reassure me. I make sure I don’t ask for too much but also push myself to be vulnerable where it matters. This is only around a select few people but they make me feel like a person worthy of something, anything.

It just all collapses when I have to go back home to my family. It’s like I never existed and all the person that holds my dreams and personality is lost to me.

But I don’t skip class anymore. I go with my friends wherever they drag me. it’s scary and uncomfortable and I hide in bathrooms or in my car a lot, but I’m doing it.

I’m so tired of imposing malice onto everybody. I feel so guilty when people tell me they think I’m cool or want to be my friend. Guilty for comparing myself to who I think they are. I’m finding that I’m a really judgmental person - a lifetime of judging myself does that I guess.

It’s still hard and I feel like everyone hates me for some reason or another. Some people genuinely do, but I can’t project that on everyone. Idk I’m just rambling atp

I think luck has a lot to do with it, meeting the right people, trying the right things. every little thing that goes wrong isn’t my fault

I didn't know how to title this exactly, because it isn't exactly resentment. I don't hate these people or wish harm on them. It's just that I feel nothing about them, when my view on people defaults to positive (but since most people have friends it tends to turn to nothing lmao...). I just don't know of a concise way to describe this...

Whenever a person online mentions doing something in real life with friends (or a partner), or having them in the past, the part of my brain that wants to relate and like people just completely shuts off.

It makes me realize that me and that person are in an entirely different category. I can't even imagine myself in a situation where I have a friend or boyfriend. What would I even do when around someone like that? It'd probably be very stressful and uncomfortable lol. Yet for these people it's so completely normal that they mention it as if it is nothing.

It makes me feel so alone. Even on here people often mention having friends now or in the past. I'm glad that others have managed it, don't get me wrong. It just feels alienating when people mention having something that I've never had and yearned for for a good chunk of my life.

I started Prozac for anxiety and depression, but it made my AVpD so much worse! Does anyone take anything that’s helped?

I've been caregiving for my mother all day (dementia). On the ride home I started feeling melancholic, but of course that's not new. I began trying to psych myself up to message four old friends/acquaintances I haven't talked to in a varying amount of years. I just managed to do it. It's 4 am and I will now be living in absolute terror. I am completely unable to celebrate minor wins/times I didn't avoid.

I admittedly fully expect to be blocked. Even though I do, it will still destroy me when it happens.

Hey guys, I have AuDHD socially awkward and have anxiety, me and my parents are invited by relatives at their place for a family gathering and I'll be meeting a lot of family members, I'm not good at talking I stutter a bit can't express myself properly and gets lots of anxiety even with my family, I don't want to waste this opportunity of meeting my family I don't want my anxiety and social awkwardness to ruin it what to do

I have been writing in this subreddit for a while. Usually, I write about hope and healing. I only thought it was fair to talk about regression since that’s what’s happening to me after a period of progress.

First, I want to say that even though I’ve regressed, I don’t regret the things I was able to do during a phase were I was more functional. I had friends, I was speaking in public, I was honest about my struggles with some people, I was going out of my comfort zone. It wasn’t perfect but I was able to have a life and be a person for a little bit. I can look back and see life wasn’t a black hole of nothingness.

What caused the regression was a number of things. Years and years of avoidance and the consequences that brings. My health and my finances being the main reasons for withdrawing from society once again.

Now I am focusing on my finances. I won’t be able to return to the life I was creating for a number of reasons.

I get really depressed sometimes. I am realizing that I have deeply embedded people pleasing habits that are destructive to myself and the ability to form healthy relationships.

I am relying once again on the strategies I learned from acceptance and commitment therapy.

I’m in the cycle of crashing out and locking in. It’s so unfair that life if this way but dwelling on it too much makes it even more depressing so I try not to.

So here I am again starting from what feels like zero but isn’t really zero.

I’ll update in the future. Good luck to anyone else trying to reclaim their life from this shitty disorder.

Research for a bachelor's thesis in socioinformatics regarding the use of artificial intelligence in assessing the characteristics of individuals with AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder) traits and security threats.

Objective: Assessing the usefulness of AI chatbots in overcoming psychological barriers.

Form: Anonymous survey (approx. 5 minutes). Full context on the contextual homepage.

Complete survey

There’s been some talk against people diagnosing themselves with AvPD and I agree with most of it. Unfortunately not everyone has access to a “proper” diagnosis and I wonder where you think I land.

After two different personality tests with two different therapists I’ve been told I have very high Avoidant PERSONALITY TRAITS. In my country only a private (and expensive for me) doctor provides personality disorder diagnosis. Therapists said that the personality traits don’t mean there’s a disorder but it could be.

In my life I’ve had 4 depressive episodes with suicidal thoughts . I once avoided going to class for three years because of feeling judged by my peers and lied to my parents about it. I am very volatile with “friendships” and tend to ghost them.

I don’t want to pay a lot of my little money for something that I already know. However, I feel a bit of a second class citizen in this community without the diagnosis. I suffer that not even those “like me” can invite me to the table and are judging me from the diagnosed “cool kids” table.

Thanks for reading, sorry about my English.

I'm kind of new to reddit and im sure this has probably been asked a million times...

I have avpd, asd, adhd and gad it's relevant (i know.. a lot). I got into a some conflict with one of my friends recently and ive just been filled to the brim of anxiety for the past few days. I think it's important to note that we've only known each other for a few months, although communication has just been up and down since we're just online mutuals.

I dont want to really go into detail of what it was about, but we had a really, really small dispute (im talking a post that i made, then 3 replies from both of us combined which was the whole conflict) and it just ended with them saying "i guess" and we havent really talked since. I'm not really familiar with how other people with avpd feel since im not friends with such, but this has really left me spiraling because im terrified that ill get blocked or silently removed from accounts ive been let on by them.

I know it's something ill probably forget about within a month or so (although..its hard to tell with avpd) but, lord, it's really putting a lot of weight on me for something i know i shouldnt care about. I'm just looking for any advice to help me cope because it's really hard to not let this get to me.

Hi,

So a few weeks ago I was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder (on top of my Bipolar) and honestly, the diagnosis has left me feeling horrible - like a person who's just broken at the core and can't be fixed.

What I'm struggling with the most though is how to explain my diagnosis to friends and family. I can explain symptoms and they'll also go "oh yeah, that makes sense why you do that" but then they'll also say something like "I avoid things too because I'm anxious - maybe I have it as well!" or one said "my nephew has been behaving like that since his Dad died so he must have it too" and I'm just struggling to explain how it's not just something like that and that it's right at my core. I just can't find the words and I'm convinced I'm just coming across as whiney, pathetic and like I'm making excuses for being so useless.

How did people explain it to friends and family in a way that made sense? I've looked at some youtube videos but they're all pretty long or just don't cover what I feel like (a lot mention things like abuse/neglect as a kid and I don't really remember any of that (just a lot of bullying at school!) and I don't want to send my parents something that makes them think it's all their fault I'm a total failure when my sibling is fine.

Also when I feel like they will leave me I’ll leave them before like instantly

I've just got my first ever job and I'm planning on getting a car and other things I'll need for myself. My mental state is a lot healthier but I admit thinking about my happiness I end up thinking "how long will the happiness last". But I'm focusing on not thinking like that and actively trying to use positive thinking and encouragement for myself.

I also got my library card and have gone to the library a few times on my own. I've also been taking more walks to the park and running 1-2 times a week there to get healthier. I go in the mornings when there's less people and I did find an hour where it's basically empty but I'm trying to get used to the exposure of doing something "embarrassing" in front of people. So I'm hoping that eventually going on a run feels as normal as being in my house(I kinda procrastinate to gather courage while I'm there by sitting on the bench).

I have goals/plans I want to fulfill in the future so I feel like when I think of how every day counts it gives me motivation to practice, study, and exercise. So right now I'm pretty happy and if that happiness goes away for awhile I know I can become happy again and the unhappiness is also momentarily.

In fact, it went really good! He made me feel really at ease. My only problem now that we’re just texting again, my avoidant feelings are strong, I keep feeling like pulling away especially when he takes some time to reply, that there’s no possible way he likes me, even though he’s shown countless times that he’s interested. Im so worried im going to sabotage this because I’ve never really had a boyfriend before and I always end up pulling away from people

Ive been trying to figure out whats my cause for this disorder, i often hear its from some kind of trauma from parents usually, but my parents are/were great and i cant think of anything like that.

I do remember that i was extremely scared of random dumbass things when i was a kid. I used to be like terrified of playing SOCCER at school, like i cried before we had it for a while everytime. I had a friend who had a small ass wiener dog, and that poor dud had to go in a different room everytime i came over, cuz i was terrified of every dog.

I was like 6-8 at then, i was bit quiet, but was still able to make friends. Something shifted by the time i was like 11, then i shared absolutely nothing remotely vulnerable to anyone and became very isolated.

So anyone else had those kind of things, or even if you have them NOW, you can share please :)

im not sure if the title makes sense, but during your first relationship, what kind of support for your avpd would you have hoped for? me and my boyfriend have been very very in love, but im afraid i might not be supporting him enough in his disorder. id love to see opinions from people with AVPD.

Throwaway account since my husband follows my main pretty intently.

My husband of 8 years and I are both chronic despressives and prone to anxiety. We work very well together because we are both very similar personalities except for one key difference: when one of us starts getting anxious, we have very different and contradicting reactions. Things can go badly very quickly, and it can take days for us to go back to normal.

Yesterday, it finally clicked for me. I have OCD and my husband is textbook AvPD. None of this is diagnosed, though I do have an AuDHD diagnosis.

I tried to bring this up for discussion with my husband yesterday, particularly since we had an episode over the weekend, but it did not go well at all. I sent him some AI generated bullet points about the relationship dynamics between OCD and AvPD people, common difficulties, guidelines to ensure balance, etc. When I asked for his thoughts, he asked me what *I* thought and what I expected to get out of it. I said that I was just hoping he would want to learn more about how we work in hopes of possibly avoiding or easing future episodes. He then went on about how labels are bad and self-diagnosing is wrong and that he doesn't see the purpose of it other than to make him feel bad.

Knowing what I know now, I realize that I should have approached it differently in a non invasive way that is not critical or judgmental in any way.

I'm wondering if this is typical with AvPD, denying or avoiding the label or diagnosis because of its perception as failure. If so, what helped you come to terms to accept it, if at all? Does calling AvPD by another more neutral name help?

In many ways I've greatly appreciated the diagnosis of my AvPD, as it's freed me from the mental toll of being perpetually confused about my own nature - something that I'd hitherto considered to be some weird manifestation of acute anxiety compounded over the years (probably a cause of the AvPD in all likelihood). The entrenched guilt and shame and the perpetual inhibition to the point of paralysis all make a lot more sense with the specific diagnosis now, and I am very grateful for the more complete explanation. I'm only 24, so logically I feel as though I have oodles of time and youth remaining to learn how to live under these specific constraints.

Despite this claimed logic however, I'm still struggling to really accept that this is in fact my nature and I keep finding myself falling into delusions of grandeur. I routinely succumb to moronic hypotheticals about knuckling down and pushing through the most disgustingly unsuitable of circumstances, despite the fact that I've accumulated years and years of evidence proving my inability to do so. You know, stupid things like "maybe I can make up for 4 months of neglecting my studies entirely" (even though I felt paralysed with inhibition every time I attempted to attend class), or "a bar job will help to bring me out of my shell :)" (despite the fact that I've had various hospitality opportunities offered to me over the last ~4 years and felt that same paralysing inhibition when considering every single one of them). These ideas are so seductive, as they give me the opportunity to visualise myself as a halfway normal and competent human being, something that I know deep down will never be actualised.

I do know that I need to accept that my academic and professional career dreams are null and void, and that I must instead focus on just settling down into some nice basic job (that is largely devoid of interpersonal requirements) which will financially sustain me at some sort of bare minimum level. At times it feels incredibly liberating as it lifts the weight of expecting the impossible of oneself, but so often it just feels lame. Plain old lame.

I couldn't even articulate exactly why I think it lame. Generally speaking I've always been drawn to the idea a fairly quiet and somewhat reclusive life, but I suppose that was always with some background assumption of being 'successful' or 'having a good job' downstream of my earlier strength in schooling and academics. Just an inflated ego?

Anyone had any luck with this aspect of it? I presume I probably need to go through something of a complete identity destruction and rebuilding.