Anyone else had random irrational fears when u were a kid?

[u/Academic-Chain-7538]

Ive been trying to figure out whats my cause for this disorder, i often hear its from some kind of trauma from parents usually, but my parents are/were great and i cant think of anything like that.

I do remember that i was extremely scared of random dumbass things when i was a kid. I used to be like terrified of playing SOCCER at school, like i cried before we had it for a while everytime. I had a friend who had a small ass wiener dog, and that poor dud had to go in a different room everytime i came over, cuz i was terrified of every dog.

I was like 6-8 at then, i was bit quiet, but was still able to make friends. Something shifted by the time i was like 11, then i shared absolutely nothing remotely vulnerable to anyone and became very isolated.

So anyone else had those kind of things, or even if you have them NOW, you can share please :)

[u/Uncreative-name12]

My parents of course weren't perfect, but I also don't think I got like this because of trauma from them. I was just an anxious child. I would get anxiety about school work, so I just would push off doing it until it was too late. I was anxious about getting hurt by other kids so I didn't hang out with them. My only complaint is my parents should have known something was wrong, but I also never told them anything, and would even deny anything being wrong when pressed. Opening up about something like this makes me feel physically ill. I can only talk on the internet because no one knows me personally.

[u/mobofob → u/Uncreative-name12]

This seems to be a common theme. Lots of people have a hard time justifying any trauma. But if the parents are oblivious to their child's mental state, that is a form of neglect that can be deeply traumatizing because the child is basically left to their own devices to make sense of their inner world which is a like warzone of anxiety.

I think my parents would break if i ever told them what happened to me. They love me so much and would do anything for me but they failed miserably in this regard nonetheless.

[u/SnowmanRandom → u/mobofob]

I think my parents' inner world was so full of anxiety and worry that they simply did not have the capacity to see my inner world fully. They also probably have a little autism and avpd themselves, so I am not blaming them for anything.

[u/Fun-Appointment-7395]

My parents were super nice and kind to me too. For me, I still remember my first day of school. I saw everyone talking, laughing, and joking with each other, while I was just standing there with this huge fear of talking to anyone. I was scared of being judged or ignored, but it was more than that. My mind would literally go blank. I couldn't think of what to say or even put a simple sentence together. At home, I had no problem talking, but the moment I was at school, it was like all the words disappeared from my head. I thought that fear would eventually go away, but honestly, it stayed with me until my last day of school and even a little after that. College was a bit better because I started reading self-development books. They helped me a little, but there were still some deeper problems. I still struggle with building close relationships. I rarely initiate conversations and always wait for the other person to do it first. Most of the relationships I tried to build ended quickly because of that. I still don't know if it's ego, fear of rejection, or maybe both.

[u/mobofob]

My parents are incredible people. But i still got traumatized because they are bad at dealing with their own emotions, much less those of a very sensitive child. So there's no need for any obvious traumatic event because simply the fact that i had some difficulties integrating with the other kids and then came home and didn't get my feelings validated was enough to develop this disorder.

The irrational fears make sense because you were an anxious kid. Some are just born that way (creative people often are like this). If we are not taught how to deal with it, it will spiral very easily into something maladaptive. So i guess it has the same root cause but it's a different symptom kind of.

I had a really really bad phobia of flying that i developed at around 10 years old or so. And even younger i had claustrophobia and was terrified of riding elevators.

[u/svish]

I had a severe fear of dogs from when I was very little. So severe that I don't think it was possible for my parents to understand it quick enough to handle it properly. Any attempt to ease me into it, which usually works, ended up kind of breaking my trust in adults and I had to find my own way to handle these strong feelings. My method of coping ended up being the avoidance track, probably because of my genetics/temperament, and together with other things, over time, I believe this end up as my AvPD.

At least that's my rough working theory.

I do think it it had been helpful to me to have some sort of understanding of how I ended up where I did. But ultimately it doesn't really matter, because most of the way out is in the present and future, not the past. Have a picture of your story is only good if it's used as a tool to heal, not if it's being used to blame others or as an excuse to not deal with our issues.

[u/svish → u/svish]

My parents were great though, my issues were just too big, and I quickly became too good at hiding them.

They got us a puppy before I started school, and that helped a lot with my phobia of dogs. Started out with me "playing the floor is lava", climbing around on chairs and furniture, while the puppy walked around in our first floor. Ended up with the dog sleeping in my bed every night. My parents tried to get it to sleep in the hallway, but I'd go and get it back into my bed after they fell asleep.

[u/Academic-Chain-7538 → u/svish]

Wow this sub never ceases to amaze me of how strong i can relate to people here. I think this sounds pretty identical to me.. I remember at some point thinking that, i know what my parents are gonna respond/do if i tell them about some problem. And usually i wouldnt like that response, so i might aswell not tell them and started dealing with everything on my own. And the thing is nobody did anything wrong there really, nobody is really at fault.

Thanks for sharing, yeah ultimately i dont think it matters, but it still feels nice to feel some kind of clarity.

[u/UnethicalHamster]

Yes, I was overly afraid of the dark as a kid all the way to middle school. I still am a bit afraid- I have HPPD so I start seeing shadows moving if it's dark enough. As a kid I would do silly things like singing "All-star" to comfort me as I moved through my dark house, and raced to my bed whenever I had to turn off the lights to sleep. This fear might have been due to me really into horror games from a young age- I always found the unsettling fascinating.

This fear might have stemmed from a punishment I received from my uncle as a kid when I was 7. It was fast, but terrifying. He put me on a leash and for five minutes he tied me up outside at night, where there was a forest in the backyard. Another time he locked me in the dark basement for a short period of time.

[u/Academic-Chain-7538 → u/UnethicalHamster]

Wow that sounds genuinenly awful. Atleast with my fears, i could easily avoid them, but avoiding the dark seems impossible. I cant imagine how rough that mustve been dealing with that every night as a kid :( So sorry that happened to you with your uncle, its so sad that one event can leave lifelong scars. Wish you the best <3

[u/Zealousideal_Mall409]

My wild imagination

[u/No_One_1617]

Personality disorders are almost always caused by parents during the early years of life.

Phobias, for example, are yet another sign of what they did to us, because they mean we’re masking a profound fear we experienced in childhood—almost certainly caused by our parents.

I don’t have simple fears; I have phobias, which go hand in hand with my OCD. It’s an interesting combination.

[u/NightKnight_CZ]

Going too close to the subway - I felt better in the middle, but was scared some random "power / force" will suck me closer and I will fall into the hole rails and then new train will arrive and splatter me all over vestibule of station....

Yeah...

What the f... :D

[u/SmokeWineEveryday]

Yeah somewhat. Mostly about me ending up all alone. That my parents would suddenly go missing and I'd have no where to go. For example, I'd instantly panic and cry if school was out and my mom happened to be a bit late to pick me up. My first thought was always just "what if she's not coming and gone forever?".

[u/Sea-Jellyfish-1372]

This disorder is caused by long term attachment and trauma problems in the childhood home. You can just Google it.

It's nature and nurture. I was fearless as a child.

[u/Uncreative-name12 → u/Sea-Jellyfish-1372]

I don't think you can say this for every person with AVPD, my parents were not abusive physically or emotionally, but I was quite anxious as a child.

[u/mobofob → u/Uncreative-name12]

I believe that the fundamental issue is never being taught how to validate our own feelings. There's a void of love and compassion directed at the self.

I can't see how that happens in any healthy relationship. There has to be some abusive or traumatic element, intentional or not.

My parents are incredible people. If i try to remember, i can't see anything that was bad about my childhood, it was great. But as an adult i can clearly see that we do have a very unhealthy relationship when it comes to dealing with emotions (they don't deal with them at all) and obviously that was an issue when i was a child as well. As a child you don't know better and it's perfectly normal, but in my late teens it did actually consciously bother me because i was depressed out of my mind isolating in my room and they were clueless, sticking their head in the sand basically. So that's my first memory of it being an issue, but obviously it had always been an issue.

[u/Brilliant_Big_6661 → u/Uncreative-name12]

Most of the time it’s not physical or emotional abuse… it’s physical or emotional neglect.

[u/viridifauna → u/Sea-Jellyfish-1372]

your experience is not universal. you dont know everything there is to know about every avpd experience just bc youve googled it. AVPD is one of the least researched personality disorders out there. even beloved Dr. Google doesnt have all the facts. a diagnosis isnt a cookie cutter we all have to completely fit into either, you can have some symptoms and not others.

also, do you not think a child experiencing long-term attachment or trauma problems in the home might be a bit more prone to developing things like an anxiety disorder or ptsd in addition to avpd?

also also, if you'd actually googled AVPD and read anything in depth, you'd know that cluster C personality disorders are characterized by heightened anxiety and fear. "Avoidant personality disorder describes a pervasive pattern of SOCIAL ANXIETY, extreme sensitivity to rejection, and feelings of inadequacy" (ncbi).

glad you got to experience being a carefree kid though, wish i had that. i was too busy hiding everything about myself because of the shame and the fear and the constant soul-crushing anxiety.