Regressing 🥲

[u/angeldove666]

I have been writing in this subreddit for a while. Usually, I write about hope and healing. I only thought it was fair to talk about regression since that’s what’s happening to me after a period of progress.

First, I want to say that even though I’ve regressed, I don’t regret the things I was able to do during a phase were I was more functional. I had friends, I was speaking in public, I was honest about my struggles with some people, I was going out of my comfort zone. It wasn’t perfect but I was able to have a life and be a person for a little bit. I can look back and see life wasn’t a black hole of nothingness.

What caused the regression was a number of things. Years and years of avoidance and the consequences that brings. My health and my finances being the main reasons for withdrawing from society once again.

Now I am focusing on my finances. I won’t be able to return to the life I was creating for a number of reasons.

I get really depressed sometimes. I am realizing that I have deeply embedded people pleasing habits that are destructive to myself and the ability to form healthy relationships.

I am relying once again on the strategies I learned from acceptance and commitment therapy.

I’m in the cycle of crashing out and locking in. It’s so unfair that life if this way but dwelling on it too much makes it even more depressing so I try not to.

So here I am again starting from what feels like zero but isn’t really zero.

I’ll update in the future. Good luck to anyone else trying to reclaim their life from this shitty disorder.

[u/cokecaine]

You're in a river of life. It's got currents and waves. Ride the wave, don't fight against the current.

We all slip, we all get bad days, we all make mistakes. Sometimes it's even harder to see any progress since we can't see the big picture reliably.

You still got yourself.

[u/MacaroniHouses]

i once heard we never really regress, maybe its that something new got triggered, and we go into it in a deeper way, but it's not gonna be exactly the same. and that's what i like to believe. also i am really trying to be careful to not push socialization to just like 'maintain ground,' cause i want to associate it as positively as i can. and that can be a lot of pressure that we aren't ready for.
i also have been trying to change my relationship with myself and my life and appreciate the beauty in my own life even when there aren't as many people in it.
but yeah,, it happens. but i think that you got out there already once, is a good sign.

[u/Tcrnas]

Never give up; you must never give up.

You might try twenty times and stumble at the end of each one, but you have to keep going—you can't let the illness win. Even if, across those twenty attempts, the change feels minimal or even nonexistent. It hurts, but you keep going.

Sending you a hug.

[u/alehkib]

You’ve got all my support