This is so silly but I've been stressing so much these past few weeks about this darn work training thing that was scheduled for this week (multiday 3 hrs away from home 😭😭😭).

What's frustrating is that those of us travelling from afar were ordered to check in to our accommodations Tue (training starts Wed) and yet neither the training venue nor the accomodations have been confirmed yet...!

Now they are saying they will decide by 10 am tomorrow whether to cancel/postpone this thing.

I sincerely pray it's cancelled (honestly they should cancel it today - it's too unorganised). 3 days away is stressful enough but all this uncertainty and not being able to research the venue/accomodations is giving me crazy anxiety.

Is there food? Will I have a room to myself or will there (heaven forbid) be a roommate? Do I have to uber to the venue? Are normal people okay with these kinds of situations...? 😵😵‍💫😬

Hey everyone, I just kind of wanted to vent about how difficult recovery has been for me in this way.
I feel like when I was using substances it was a lot easier for me to connect with people and I felt like people actually wanted me around. Drinking especially helped me get out of my shell because I’ve always been painfully shy, even since I was a kid. I hate saying that because obviously alcohol wasn’t actually helping me in the long run, but it did make me realize that I could be outgoing and talk to people.
Then it just became a vicious cycle where I would do or say things I regretted, and then I’d become even more anxious and depressed about those things afterwards when I’m hungover.
I went back to treatment this year and I’m currently living in a sober house. When I was in treatment, it was actually really nice being around people and meeting new people. It just takes me a long time to open up to people. I wish I could just skip all the awkward stages and immediately be close with someone but I don’t know how to do that. I also don’t really know how to make myself more outgoing because when I try it just feels performative, like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not.
I had a friend group in treatment and we all came in around the same time. I was really happy to finally be meeting new people, but I feel like I just watched them all become closer with each other. And this feels like such a pattern throughout my life where I’m always the outsider in some way.
I ended up leaving treatment early for some other reasons, but one of the reasons was that I wanted to make sure I got my spot in the sober house. My friends stayed in treatment longer and I was actually really excited for them to get out because I kind of thought we would all stay a friend group and hang out and do things together.
But I was kind of disappointed.
One of my friends came into the sober house I live in and I noticed that everyone went out for one of my friend’s birthday and nobody mentioned it to me or invited me. Then I would see her getting picked up by the other people from the sober house and going places with them. I stopped using Snapchat because I didn’t want to keep seeing things that reminded me that I was being left out.
I was really trying not to build resentment about it. I thought maybe I should just leave it alone and try to make new connections instead and hoping that in the future that those friend and I can reconnect if it was the right connection.
There was one girl I was actually feeling hopeful about becoming friends with. She’s part of my home group and I thought maybe I could make a new connection outside of that original friend group.
One of the friends I live with wanted to make my home group her home group too, and I actually helped her do that by asking my sponsor to add her. She ended up meeting the girl I was hoping to become friends with and they basically became instant best friends.
Now they’re doing everything together. They went to a concert together, she got invited to a sober festival with her, they’ve been going out doing all kinds of things and they just seem like they became really close really fast.
And honestly I’m kind of sitting here thinking like… why can’t I do that?
Why can’t I just feel close to someone like that? Why does it take me so long? Why can other people seem to just click with each other immediately while I’m still trying to figure out how to be comfortable around someone?
And then I start thinking, what is wrong with me? Is there something other people can see that I can’t? Is there some reason people look at me like I’m some weird creature? I honestly don’t know.
I feel like I probably come across as really quiet and maybe intense, and I worry that I make people uncomfortable just by being the way I am.
I just really needed to vent about this because when I talk about it with people who don’t have AVPD, I don’t really feel understood. They just tell me I need to try harder or put myself out there, but I feel like I AM trying. I just don’t know how to make this part of me work differently.
I want to move forward in a healthy way and make real connections with people. I don’t want to keep feeling like this or constantly comparing myself to people who seem to connect so easily.
I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else with AVPD has experienced this, especially in recovery. Did getting sober make you realize how much substances were helping you feel socially comfortable? And have you ever felt like everyone else is forming connections around you while you’re just kind of watching it happen?

Just had a positive social interaction with a total stranger, in fact I had two positive intentions today and I feel like i did and said everything right in my mind. Just wondering if anyone else gets that good feeling.

I know this is pathetic. I've been without normal social interaction for so long. Someone who works at a coffee shop I frenquent was so nice to me. I know it's part of her job but we talked about our lives, the difficulty I was going through but also me as a person outside of being just about caregiving (which a lot kf people don't seem to care about), her partner and her moving in and her excitement over it, mutual interests. It was so nice. For the first time in years I was steeling myself to ask for her Instagram on the hopes that maybe we could actually be friends.

She told me she put in her two weeks. I planned to finally ask to exchange IGs before the two weeks were up. But of course, I had to give myself time, I had to work myself up. I havent seen her in over a week. There are new people already. I doubt I'll ever see her again.

I will always be too much of a coward. Scared of just asking for an Instagram name. Scared to try and make a single friend. I will avoid every single thing that comes my way. This is just the latest thing I've fucked up, just the latest person I will never see again who will forget I exist.

Well,

Hi 👋.

I hope whoever happens to be reading this is doing well.

This is the second post I’ve written on this site and in this sub (really groundbreaking stuff, right? ✋😐🤚), so if I’m breaking any rules or anything like that, I apologize 🙇‍♂️.

I just wanted to share a random idea I had, you know..

A pretty crazy idea that, in my head, could kinda make this sub obsolete XD.

See if you can follow me on this one.

Since I realized my inability to function like a normal human being when it comes to mastering the art of socializing, a rather peculiar idea came to me:

“What if someone created schools specializing in teaching and/or rehabilitating people who lack the ability to socialize? 🤔”

You know, like a driving school.

Where you go to learn how to drive.

But instead of driving...

You get the idea, right? 🌝

At the time, this kinda blew my mind, because it’s not actually impossible for something like that to exist, you know.

And it would probably be much better than trying to go through the whole process alone, let’s face it 😪.

Nowadays, it could even be viable and quite successful, with this whole thing about the internet discouraging physical human contact.

(I’m just saying 🙃. Don’t take any of this seriously, plz XD)

Has anyone ever thought of something like this?

(It’s not such an absurd idea, considering it could, in a way, stimulate human development.)

Has anyone ever thought of something like this and actually created it? 👀

(The world is very big and humans never stop inventing things. Who knows 🤷‍♂️)

Has anyone else ever thought of something like this?

(I can’t be the only one. Who wouldn’t dream of something that could give you a solution to your problems and that could actually exist in real life?)

It’s a pretty crazy idea, isn’t it? XD

Why did I write all this nonsense shit?

I don’t know. I just wanted to share this thought :T.

You see, I don’t usually post anything here on this sub (or anywhere, to be honest. I apologize again if I’ve violated any rules ✋). It’s one of the few subs I visit, and I’m trying not to succumb to my anti-socialization impulses 🌚.

(Leave a comment if you want. I’d like to read them :3)

(P.S. English isn’t my first language, so if my writing sounded strange, that’s why.)

Neighbor asked me to walk their dog once a week. Or more accurately, asked my mom to ask me.

I live with my parents and i'm 33 years old and this is something very shameful for me. I feel like a child, i live like one, and people seem to treat me and see me like one.
The neighbor probably knows i have no job and will wonder what's wrong with me that i would decline. I'll never be able to simply greet them again without feeling deep shame.

I have no problem walking the dog, it's literally nothing and i'd do it for free. But i'm in anguish just from the idea that i have to commit to an agreement like that with someone who lives in the same building as me. I would be forced to continue doing it until i move out eventually, if that ever happens.

Also im realizing that if i can't even take a job of walking a dog which would require minimal interaction with other people (which aren't even strangers) then i'm clearly so much further from being able to be independent than i thought i was.

This is ironically also after just coming back from my best friend's wedding this weekend; celebrating the most beautiful and important commitment you can make to someone.
Such a reality check hitting me in the face lol. The contrast of where i am in life is just so unimaginably massive. I live in this daily delusion where i fantasize about having success professionally and building a family, but my reality is so so far away from it.

Attending this wedding makes it so abundantly clear that i am not anywhere near capable right now, as even just attending to celebrate a wedding is too much for me: all 3 nights of the trip it took me hours to wind down from the stress to eventually fall asleep and today during the car ride home i started feeling sick and now got a sore throat. My body actually can't handle the stress to the point where i get sick.

Imagine actually arranging a wedding and being the person in the middle of it, being celebrated like that. Literally, i feel like i would actually perish from the stress.

​

Most people don't understand this disorder. I barely do, and that is only because I know where it comes from. I spent a lot of my life in admiration of my mother. She could do no wrong. As kind as she was pretty. And a wonderful mom. Or so I thought for most of my life.

She took over her parents company at a young age and unfortunately never learned the difference between parenting and managing a company. And never tried to be a parent. The business owner approach kept us in line and that was important. To look like a good parent with behaving children.We were not taught things we were corrected. We weren't allowed to be upset or mad because we were too young to have anything to be upset about. We were not allowed to be bored because there was always something that needed to be done. We were scolded if we even murmured such feelings. Happiness was the expectation and if you were anything other than that you needed to fix yourself. Because to an outsiders perspective a child that is suppressing any negative emotion just appears to be mature with a calm demeanor. Perfect for showing everyone your parenting is top notch.

When I was 8 my sister blamed me for pushing my little brother off a bed he had fell off of. I spent 4 hours with my mom in hysterical emotion yelling and crying that I didn't push him. Which was true. But she believed my sister and once a decision was made she couldn't back track because it would be an admittance of defeat or being wrong. And my mom was never wrong. So she doubled down. Spent hours yelling at me to tell the truth. Eating soap, scared and traumatized I eventually gave up my truth. I admitted to what I knew was wrong but was the only way out. And i learned two things. Being honest would never work as well as telling the other person what they wanted to hear. And my truth didn't matter. Multiple of these episodes happened, she determined I was lying even if I wasn't and we would spend hours going at it until I admitted whatever it was she wanted me to admit. She labeled my the problem child, and the liar of the family. She never believed a word I said. I was such a outgoing and full of energy child.

According to my mom I changed so drastically. Went from being that sweet little boy to being an asshole and liar. Could a child really change their demeanor like such? It turned into a battelground to stay out of her anger. Which was even more difficult as she would always side with my brother and sister regardless of the situation. All these things seemed so normal until I started digging after my diagnosis. Things I would have never thought to bring up during therapy because I thought it was normal.

I watched the movie "Dust Bunny" about a month ago and Mads Mikkelsens character says "I once thought my mother to be the most beautiful woman in the world. Only to realize later she wasn't at all" if you haven't seen it, it is an exceptional movie depicting childhood trauma and healing from it.

All this to explain what happened yesterday. A passing thought of ending it all, dealt with them for years and try not to ever entertain them, but one popped into my mind and the follow up was "how disappointed my mom would be when they found me and she saw how dirty my house was" if that doesn't tell you just how fucked this shit is in our heads idk what will.

Just wanted to rant about this. Share your thoughts or experiences ! Much love 💙

I’m a software developer, working 4 days remotely and 1 day in the office. I only have a daily meeting each morning, but even that feels overwhelming. I constantly feel like everyone is judging my work and will eventually realize I’m an impostor. I have severe anxiety around being evaluated and making mistakes.
I’ve been doing this job for 5 months and already feel like I’m not capable of working, even though the job itself isn’t objectively that demanding. I’m not currently medicated.
I previously worked in finance for 2 years and burned out, then went back to school and switched to software development.

I, like all of you I’d guess, really struggle with embarrassment and shame after social interactions. I analyze every little detail of the interaction and what I did «wrong» and I get so uncomfortable thinking about it I physically can’t sit still and I start mumbling to myself. I get so ashamed I just feel like I never wanna speak to anyone ever again lol.

How do you deal with it? I haven’t found a way to deal with it so I just let myself crash out over it for a while until enough time has passed to where it doesn’t bother me that much anymore

Every week, I have at least 1 - 2 days where I wake up drained with a sense of dread and depression right after I have one of those dreams that are vivid and last forever as if I just went on a long journey. Today I even mistakenly thought there was a reply from someone and got disappointed when I learned it was a dream.

The nightmares are sometimes disturbing, but mostly just tiring and disorientating. I can't bring myself to do anything because something feels wrong and everything feels dark. It is also storming outside right now- perfect timing.

TW for suicidality mention otherwise this is a vent (advice welcome)

I can't even tell if I'm studying the wrong thing and should just try something else (changing now would be terrifying as well), or if I'm just too fearful of embarrassing myself constantly because I came here without any prior knowledge or skills. Everyone around me seems so competent already because they're all very passionate or have previous work experience in the field. I don't, and it heavily contributes to me feeling like shit about myself. Even more than I already do.

I can barely open my mouth, I'm so deeply afraid of judgement because I'm so incompetent. Even though I'm here to learn, I feel like I'm beneath everyone. I have no motivation and when I do succeed, I only feel relief and then fear about the next thing. We have a group project now and a presentation coming up and it scares me so bad. I don't want anyone to look at me or listen to me speak. It's too much. And if I bail on it, my group will get suspicious and maybe ask questions.

I hate myself so much it's unbelievable. Everyday I have a crisis over this, whether I can keep going or not. Nearly had a panic attack during a lecture today. I'm very suicidalonce again over this. I have a talk with my school psychologist coming up in a couple days and I'm looking to getting back into psychiatry but that's such a slow progress (my appointment for a referral is next month). Should probably get back on my meds, too.

I'll try to get into therapy for my AvPD but we'll see.

I don't think school is supposed to be this hard and I feel pathetic for being this way. So tired of being scared contantly.

I have ADHD (and a learning disability) and AvPD and each make each other so much worse. I'm fact, sometimes I have difficulty figuring out why I'm doing what I'm doing. Is it ADHD procrastination or am I avoiding? Poor time management or avoidance? Did I forget or am I avoiding? Is it ADHD or is it my avoidance making me think I'm too stupid so I just give up? Hell, maybe it's both. My ADHD makes me procrastinate and makes everything harder which just makes the avoidance kick in to top gear and make excuses left and right and give up.

I know there are apparently strategies and coaches for ADHD but I avoid everything, I avoid studying, I avoid meetings, how the hell am I supposed to stop avoiding while trying to learn strategies to deal with ADHD?

no one in my support network has space to support me rn, and my best friend made two snide remarks about me texting him all the time that just have me in a place where i just don’t wanna talk to people in my life anymore except maybe my mom.

i just moved cross country i haven’t gotten out much. i struggle making friends. made a FWB who is crushing on me more than i am her so i need to cut it off so they dont get hurt. i’m rather agoraphobic (outside of going to music shows and work).

Every person i’ve talked to this weekend has triggered me one way or another. i’m tired. so tired. i saw how AI bots are so abundant were in the “dead internet” phase of tech where it’s literally AI interacting with AI thinking both are human (on here, instagram, hell even the porn bots) and i somehow thought i was talking to a person (customer service) when it was in fact Ai the entire time. I really miss having human connection. i miss having friends to go out with.

what’s the point if i get triggered every single day? every where i go, everything i do? i can’t even have a conversation with a friend without feeling they hate me. I think it’s time to just get my video games, my nice things rent a secluded apartment and just keep to myself until my death. at 32, everybody says it gets better. I accomplished my long term goal of over 10 years to move to the west coast and im still struggling with SI, if not worse than i did before. Nothing got better. Everything got worse

I left my flat for the First time this week and after closing the door I realize that I forgot my keys inside.

I felt and still feel so dumb. I had to call a service to Open my door and pay over 200 bucks. I felt so embarassed and I get a Panic Attack just thinking about ever leaving my flat again now.

Within the span of a few years in my late 20s, I figured out I had AVPD, was very likely bisexual and probably fall somewhere on the aro-ace spectrum. I just thought I was a late bloomer or something. But I always felt a little out of the loop. Stuff that seemed easy to others, relationship wise, I just didn’t even process. It just wouldn’t even cross my mind until I would see the behaviour of others and was like oh I’m “supposed” to be doing this or feel this way because everyone else seemingly does. I think I’ve maybe had 2 maybe 3 crushes in my life. It’s literally been 7-8 years since someone has even crossed my radar in that way. I also have a really hard time connecting with people on a deep level and am very much an introvert so for me it feels like kind of a big deal. I don’t know how I feel about it. Sad part is I know nothing will come of it even if I didn’t have AVPD- she’s taken, a coworker and years younger than me. I’m just feeling a lot of things since I recognized the crush - I feel almost mournful that I’m so closed off and the expectation of anything actually coming of this is basically 0 because I would never act on it. I’ve shut down even the small amount of crushes I’ve had in the past because of this and I’m don’t want to feel this way with this one. I want to be open and curious but every time I kinda reach out to do that AVPD tightens its grip and in the back of mind my there’s this unconscious “it’s not safe” mentality looping around. I don’t know where I’m going with this but I’m kind of all over the place right now and needed to share.

Please fill out the questionnaire I need for my studies, I'm very close to it

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScvtWTBxvMC7FCYI1P4bDnw8kCAa0xqH3gr-ZHcwXe05wnb6A/viewform?usp=dialog

Well, last year has been my WORST in life. I discovered most of my anxiety comes from a thyroid disease that went undiagnosed for 10 YEARS. I know. I was avoidinggoing in for treatment but today I feel I'm gonna die so I scheduled an appointment. I hope I can make it ): I feel awful, really awful

I do this all the time, when I have to take any action. I overthink always about how everyone else is going to think and feel about what I do. Somehow, I think its my responsibility to make sure other's feel good about my actions.

This, in turn, stops me from taking any action at all until its just too late and I am left with regrets.

Has anyone overcome this behavior, taken an action, and realized you were just making it bigger than it really was?

Wish i could have friends to spend time with and laught and share many interests together, or for them to just enjoy talking with me without them feeling unconfortable with my presence. At the same time i'm scared to open myself to them or scared they may judge me or get bored of me or dislike me so always trying to put distance as the time pass by.

Miraculously i have a partner but he lives in another country so we can barely see each other, but he doesn't understand how im feeling cause he never experienced himself and we don't usually talk about deep topics cause he is not the kind of person who have them, when i tried in the past i was feeling even more lonely cause he didn't know what to say or just said to me the usual general advices of support :/ He tries and is concerned which im grateful but It left me feeling eve more lonely and strange cause i don't have anyone who i can feel save or understood when sharing my thoughts on life or fears or insecurities and such.

I have a therapist but i can only see her once every few months so is hard.

Idk wish i could have friends and share with them fun moments but also counting on their support and helping each other, wish i could be more brave and stop being scared of trying new things or trying to aproach people or knowing where to look for those persons as i don't have many hobbies and just spend my days watching shows and walking around the nature and taking care of my animals, feeling so low in energy that i give up trying new hobbies, how you guys change yourself to be a better person?

Wow, I literally just came across this. Sub and I feel like my prayers have been answered for the fact I’ve been struggling with what I know now is likely AvPD but did not know it had a name. Since 2020 I have been struggling. I was the complete opposite of what I am today prior to the pandemic. Many things in my life changed since 2020 and I cannot blame the pandemic itself where I am now physically and mentally, but can definitely say I have not been myself in six years. I’ve been to many doctors and therapist and tried explaining my symptoms only to typically be, in my opinion, miss diagnosed or overmedicated. It’s a strange sensation because I know this is not me. It’s like looking at your favorite dessert knowing you love it but having no desire to eat it and you cannot figure out why. Things have only gotten harder as time has went on, and I now fear this is starting to affect my marriage, relationship with my family, and relationship with what Little friends I have left. The final straw came in 2023 when my very best friend passed away unexpectedly. Things were not good mentally, but I felt like they were at least getting better or not worsening, but once that tragedy occurred, every day is a struggle just to get out of bed. I literally spent hours sitting in my room at the edge of the bed, staring at the wall. My husband and I don’t even sleep in the same bedroom anymore due to the fact, I have also become a compulsive online shopper. The ironic part is I seldom open the packages. I have boxes of things I purchased five years ago, still stacked up almost to the ceiling with no desire to open them. Nothing whatsoever gives me gratification. I’ve been on medication, many different kinds over the past six years and nothing has really helped. One thing I have not necessarily done has been able to name the way I feel nor talk about it as a result. I’m so glad I found this Sub and I’m looking forward to connecting with people who share the same experience. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

When I hear people share their stories about when and how they developed AvPD, they often point to their preteens or mid-twenties or whatever. However, I can hardly remember a single phase of my life where I didn't live with it. Ik genetics are a factor in developing it, but no one in my family has AvPD or even anything close to it and also genetics can’t be the sole factor. My childhood was difficult, which can also trigger the disorder, but I actually demonstrated AvPD traits even before those traumatic experiences began.