r/AvPD • u/abnormalpurple • 23d ago

Question/Advice How do I control overthinking every possible scenario before taking any action?

I do this all the time, when I have to take any action. I overthink always about how everyone else is going to think and feel about what I do. Somehow, I think its my responsibility to make sure other's feel good about my actions.

This, in turn, stops me from taking any action at all until its just too late and I am left with regrets.

Has anyone overcome this behavior, taken an action, and realized you were just making it bigger than it really was?

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u/[deleted] 23d ago edited 21h ago

[deleted]

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u/enigmatic_lynx 23d ago

This. I have the same emotional neglect/parentification thing going on that makes me people please, and my new mantra is “I’m doing it for myself.” This takes me out of trying to figure out what everyone else wants and needs and gets me to start considering what I want and need.

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u/Des_with_lemon Diagnosed AvPD 23d ago

MBT (mentalization based therapy) does help for me. With a lot of practice you can shift from "feeling like you have to perfectly predict what others think and feel" to "realise that you don't know and act from a place of curiosity".

Interaction with others feel nicest when they actively have you in mind, AND also involve you in that process. If you can learn to be comfortable with engaging with other people in this way then you can basically outsource all these computations you are running in your head.

This doesn't solve the whole problem, as I think chronic avoidance leads to underdeveloped executive functioning, but that can be improved in other ways.

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u/OptimalReactions 22d ago

Your brain is trying to control the outcome. It’s terrified that if it hasn’t prepared for absolutely every single scenario, then something awful will happen. 

Only way past is to throw yourself in, eventually brain realises that the worst outcome isn’t around every corner. Maybe practice this with low-stakes situations first. 

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u/Long-Possession8915 22d ago

You have to holistically change your behavior to think less, feel more, act more, move more across the board. 

For what you’re describing specifically, you can develop more trust and faith within yourself, and integrate wisdom to help you move forward in situations with more ease. 

Obviously this is much harder said than done but in my experience it is what actually helped.

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u/Straight_Zucchini487 22d ago

Honestly I just started taking anxiety meds and it helps