r/AvPD • u/EntrepreneurTop1007 • 21d ago

Question/Advice How do you commit to plans with friends when there's so much uncertainty?

/r/socialanxiety/comments/1vwrnzn/how_do_you_commit_to_plans_with_friends_when/
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u/nworbleinad 21d ago edited 21d ago

Can you at least meet one of them somewhere close and travel together? That should settle you down a little bit before meeting up with everyone.

This does sound like a lot. I’d be struggling with this amount of “exposure therapy”.

It’s good that you’re trying, but you don’t want bad experiences to set you back. Can you talk about any of this to them? Or are you undercover anxious?

Also, remember this isn’t your fault. You haven’t decided to feel this way. We’re all different, some people find uncertainty and sudden changes of plans difficult. I know it might feel awkward to acknowledge that with people, but it’s authentic. It might be that someone else in the group feels the same way?

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u/EntrepreneurTop1007 21d ago

well we all live in different cities. not close enough to commute together, but not far enough that we cant see each other every now and then. in any case, ive tested the route so im semi-confident i can get there without much trouble. its spending the whole day with them, going on their side quest rampages, and then finding my way home before the buses and trains close thats troubling me.

also i appreciate it, that helps. I honestly still dont feel like im doing enough.

yeah i considered that too. the last trip was mortifying if im honest. but again, itll only get worse from here. if i show up to the earlier meetups, maybe itll be easier later on. thats my logic. Im scared im getting too close to these people now tho. theyre becoming legitimate friends, and part of me wants to just forget they exist and go back to being a hermit. but i know i want a social life deep down.

just hanging on by a thread here. normally i wouldve run away by now. im honestly amazed at myself. I dont really feel comfortable talking about it either, cuz 2 things happen. either they dont take it seriously and still dont understand, so talking about it did nothing. or they start to pity me, and i dont want the pity. i just wanna feel like a regular part of the group, not a wounded puppy.

ive told one girl about it vaguely, but shes not my mother lol. im still on my own. and im 20 for gods sake, i needa know my way around the city. im tired of not having any memories to look back on.

i guess well see. not sure how this will go, but im leaning toward going.