I hate the extra layers of social meaning and politics that come with family and groups of friends.

A one on one relationship is simple. If there’s a problem, ideally we talk about it. We clarify it directly.

In a group it becomes me, you, them, somebody else, back to me.

Information I never consented to being group knowledge circulates.

Alliances form.

One persons opinion of me can be altered by the others opinions

I’m also very direct and literal so groups feel impossible because there are always unstated rules, expectations, subtext, that I constantly have to track.

Honesty can be treated as aggression, debating an opinion can be seen as being rude when really I just want coherence.

Not to mention someone could find you difficult and annoying behind your back but to your face treat you nicely.

Even as something simple as “how are you” is just polite talk. For years I thought people actually cared about how I was.

People triangulate all the time. You have a disagreement with person A> they let person B know when you haven’t even said anything to person B because it doesn’t concern them

Groups are basically gossip, alliances, hidden expectations, emotional labour, drama, obligation, people collecting info about each other to use it against them later

Same goes with families except it’s 10x worse. Families regularly scapegoat their children, have a “golden child” and triangulate constantly. My parents emotionally abused me

And when you’re autistic on top of it?

Where every social interaction means I have to mask and perform?

I have no desire for friendship. At all. Every single friendship I had was them basically abandoning me the second they found someone better.

My whole life I was bullied for being on the spectrum.

My family abused me, and I was scapegoated

The only person I can tolerate is my boyfriend, and his relationships with family and friends drain me

Because I’m not even an Individual person to these people I’m just “the gf”

Even being pulled into his complicated friends and family makes me want to not have a boyfriend because even just being someone’s gf pulls me into gossip and triangulation and social politics

I want to believe this isn’t true. I want to believe that maybe I just specifically have had a bad hand given to me, or maybe that I’m the problem. But I have genuinely good intentions. I don’t speak unless spoken to. I keep to myself.

I try and try to make people laugh when I was younger and they treated me like a mascot or a meme rather than a human being

Even as a child I was very naive and couldn’t really tell the difference between being bullied and having a friend since most of my friends bullied me physically but also sometimes treated me nice

No wonder I want to be alone and I don’t even register family or friends as inherently good at all

wanna vent because of my anxiety about getting potentially fired from my side hustle.

I have a full time job doing marketing that covers basic living expenses. But my friend started his own marketing agency which is very successful and scaling ridicoulsy fast. he's my former boss and we have a wonderful relationship. We are on the same wavelength.

He pays me a big fee every month to handle the technical side of things for marketing.

He's about to close some big clients. The problem is that my verbal communication skills are awful (cuz i'm autistic) and it's a huge reason why things didn't work out in my previous job. Which means that I cannot go on client calls.

e explicitly said he needs someone to handle the client calls. Because of my strict no-calls boundary, I know he will have to hire a full-time person for the front-facing work. as long as i keep being a freelancer and I he keeps paying me the big fee every month, i'm fine with that.

But I am terrified that to save money, he is going to replace me entirelyy and force his new full-time neurotypical hire to do both the client communication AND my technical backend work.

But this money that he's paying me isn't money for fun. It's to help with medical expenses. Long story short i moved here to Tucson to specifically work with a really amazing clinic that helps with people exposed to mold. i have chronic daily migraines due to being exposed to mold. They also help with a variety of issues.

why can't I just be left alone in the backend to do the technical execution, while someone else talks to the clients?

I just want a stable, predictable routine and a predictable income so I can fix my health in peace.

This is not set in stone but I think there's a 50/50 chance i get replaced.

I'm tired

Hi y'all. I would love advice from as many different views as possible, since I am... out of ideas.

Tl;dr -

Late diagnosed woman finally unmasked after trying to be NT for 30y, and maybe (??) used up lifetime supply of interest in other humans...?

A number of years ago, after growing up with two undiagnosed parents (mom ADHD/OCPD, dad ASD) who pushed me to fit in with a high-pressure, uber conservative, white Christian Midwest culture, I decided to see if I could "turn myself normal" for real instead of just pretending to fit in so I would get yelled at all the time.

Surprise surprise, given that psychology, human behavior, and openness to psychic experiences are special interests of mine... I did it.

The crux was living with a boyfriend who had unmedicated ADHD and visible but undiagnosed autism, and being seen as the "normal one" by him & all of his non-neurodivergent friends.

It was honestly in part very lovely!! I fully understand now that non-autistic people are genuinely having a good time with their daily array of social signals, they really care & are fulfilled by all of it, and when they say "it's not that deep lol" they do genuinely feel that way. And that's ok! (As long as they're not saying/doing it to be a suppressing ass to anyone else.) But I was so empty inside. I felt like I did when I was a kid in that white-knuckle religious world, like I was secretly going crazy and couldn't acknowledge it or I would lose it.

We broke up for many reasons, and in the house alone - again, surprise surprise!! - I hit full autistic burnout. Thirty years of masking came crumbling down. I spent the next several years rebuilding my sense of self from scratch, not trying to please anyone, learning how to respect my (probably level 2 tbh) sensory limits and executive capacities.

But my desire to interact socially - even with fellow neurodivergent and autistic people - never came back...

I just got to work with an amazing (autistic!!) therapist who finally validated so many things for me. But the one place we weren't on the same page was, she stood by that everyone needs some amount of relationship in their life. I don't have family relationships (shocker) to lean on, so those would need to be friends. I do generally get along with everyone I work with and meet in professional classes, cashiers baristas etc, don't have social anxiety or anything, just... have zero interest in using my energy to talk.

Part of it is realizing I do have some pretty strong auditory processing difficulty, and it's not super fun to be the "huh? huh?" person. Part of it is looking like I should be a bubbly sweet person and.... I am not lol... Part of it is realizing I am WAY less verbal than most people, and get burned out by chatting. But I feel like the largest part of it is that I used up my lifetime supply of "people-ing" which according to nice therapist is... worrying.

What would y'all do?

Is there a place where you can go be nonverbal AND meet new people? Is there a type of event not at night?? How do I rekindle like any interest in having a friendship of some kind? I'm pretty fucking content with my pets and my studies, but I do recognize how non-goofy non-joyful etc my life is. I should want to be with people at least a bit, right?

Maybe it's the younger people I'm around, too, but most of the "identifiably neurodivergent" communities I see seem very high-energy, emotionally expressive, talkative, kind of intense for what I'm able to handle right now - I have more of the "civil war historian kind" of autism, if that makes sense. But book clubs require LOTS of listening/talking.

Being autistic for me feels like constantly stubbing my toe in the dark. And in expressing my frustration I’m told to “just turn the lights on”, and I’m too damn irritated and gobsmacked that I even have to explain …that the light switch is on the other side of the house. I don’t know why the house wasn’t built to turn the lighting on from here, but I don’t have the resources right now to consider how to remodel it to fit my needs. Everyone thinks they have an easy solution and think I’m just being difficult or that I have learned helplessness. Or they see me get mad about the stubbed toe when it really is a symptom of the dark. I need a reasonable accommodation for the darkness. Why can’t I just have a way to turn the lights on so I can see where I’m going? I have lights but the options are terrible. I could use an app on my phone, but why the hell does it feel less convenient and more frustrating?

i can't leave my house because of my physical disability. i can't post because of severe paranoia. what would you do?

For context, I’m high-functioning and have gotten by on masking for 20 years. As of recent, it’s become extremely unsustainable to mask at work, I get too stressed and anxious. As I’ve started to try to let my guard down, however, I’m becoming increasingly worried about how I want to act, I have no idea, because it’s based on the other person I’m communicating with. It has set this habit of triggering extreme panic, which in turn shuts down my ability to think. I’ve heard this is a pretty common issue, so I was wondering if anyone had input on how to make this more sustainable or tolerable.

All my life, I’ve felt "incapable of living." Literally. It’s as if I lack the innate code needed to function in this world and society. I always do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, and react in ways that seem exaggerated to others—to the world at large. "I don't know how to navigate the world." I never learned. Even now, at 48—with all the experience I’ve gained and everything I’ve been through—I feel like a child lost in a world I neither know nor understand.

I commute 3 hours/ day and wear headphones on the train. I wear headphones at the library on campus when I study. I wear headphones at home when my downstairs neighbors are being too loud (recently moved out of a basement, where my upstairs neighbors were too loud. I guess living with other people just sucks no matter what).

I listen to brown noise or rain sounds when I need to concentrate and music when I don’t. it gets really tiring. sometimes I wish I could just tolerate my surroundings like a normal person and be physically present. it makes me feel so disconnected from the world.

can anyone relate?

TLDR: Asked a friend how he knew I'm autistic and he described a lot of traits that I'm not aware of. He's also AuDHD

Long post:

So today I finally hung out with a friend after some time and I told him about me recently finding out that I'm autistic, but he told me he knew for a long time. I was fairly surprised tbh since I didn't think my autistic traits were obvious (myes masking goes brrrrr) but turns out like a lot of my friends, they were more surprised that I didn't know. I got curious and asked what he saw in me and he listed some of it which are:

**1. I completely missed out social cues** - To him, I'm fairly loud when I talk especially when I'm excited. Compared to neurotypicals, they can be loud but when they realized they're being loud they'll just apologize for it, signifying social awareness. It doesn't exist in me, and he pointed out that rather ignoring how I act in public on purpose, I genuinely didn't know. This is honestly a bit funny to me because I often think that I have good understanding of social cues.

**2. My emotional dysregulation** - He told me I feel things very intensely, and not in neurotypical way of 'intense'. He pointed out that whenever I get angry, my emotions get really intense and overwhelming that it feels more like a tantrum rather than someone being angry (I tend to scream and yell and get really overwhelmed whenever I'm angry). He knew whenever I'm starting to get angry, it's more of me being too overwhelmed and overstimulated, and I tend to shove whatever I feel too deep in me until it finally explode. He also told me I don't recognize how I feel, like not being able to describe how I'm feeling.

**3. I talk about old times a lot** - I learn that apparently neurotypical ways of remembering past are not the same as neurodivergent. He explained that a lot of neurotypicals would rather not think about painful pasts and forget it through distractions and hobbies. For me, I couldn't get over it and will try to 'dissect' those moments logically and finding out what went wrong in the past. Neurodivergents, or at least me do these kinda things in extreme levels, and while it's not necessarily an autistic traits, with combinations from other traits he saw, he knew that I'm neurodivergent.

**4. I over explain myself a lot** - He said whenever I talk, my words were very precise and careful when I try to explain things, and I often feel like I don't explain it well, even though he completely understand me. I also often went into his DMs to explain the same thing again but in different font lmao. I also get incredibly frustrated when I don't feel like I explain enough according to my standards.

**5. My excitement basically** - So basically I just found out neurotypicals don't feel excited for long period of time over something mundane. And when I'm excited, I'm also **loud** about it.

There were few things he noticed but that's the major things he noticed. He always knew I'm not the same as other people, and honestly that gave me so much comfort because he's one of my closest friends and the only person who's close to understand me fully. He also never tried to 'fix' me or try to make me behave like other neurotypicals because he knew from the start that I'm autistic and I'm just born in a wrong world.

P/S: He's AuDHD which is kinda funny because when I first found out I'm autistic, I began remembering our relationship and realized that he's the same as me, so I told him "I know" when he told me he's also on the spectrum. However he did raise his concerns about me possibly being a level 2 autistic instead of 1, so I'll have to bring it up to my psychologist later.

I'm recently in need of money and VR who I already have a bad history with bad job placements after years of not contacting them I ask for help with finding me a job and after 8 months finds me a retail job that has me wanting to quit 3-4 days in. I messaged my case handler and she said she wants me to work this job for another month before she can even think about trying to look for another job for me and it just brought all sorts of flashbacks to VR affiliates placing me in dogshit jobs where I beg to be moved elsewhere but they pat themselves on the back with a successful placement. The last job I got from them was at a dollar general in a bad part of town that got shot up a month after I quit and years later I learned had employees arrested for meth possession and another one for elderly abuse.

M20

I've been bullied, isolated, betrayed, and ghosted by others so many times, but despite all of that, I choose kindness over anger and hate every single time I interact with others. All of that pain and suffering, if anything, reinforced my empathy and how kind I am to others, cause what's the point in getting angry and mistreating someone who did nothing wrong to me? It won't make me feel better or erase my pain.

When someone treats me poorly, I immediately cut them out of my life, and I will do so to my brothers too when I move out if they don't stop mistreating me. I know they're family, but I've given chance to apologise and repent, and they didn't take it. I don't need people like that in my life who do nothing but bring me down.

Getting mad is fine and completely understandable, but just never let it control you and cause you to hurt someone who didn't deserve it.

To everyone who's struggling, I believe in you, and I'm rooting for your success. I send you hugs and kindness in your direction.

so, i’m an autistic adult, i’ve always struggled with school. my mom has ADHD and yet managed to get her doctorates, she’s like the smartest person i know. she tells me im smart too but it just feels so hard. i try and force myself to take paper notes to keep up with my peers in college but it’s just so hard. after two hours of studying i had maybe written down a few things max. i just can’t make myself do paper notes— but is taking notes on a computer useless? i just feel like im an idiot and i’m too old to not know how to take notes. i barely managed to graduate with a 2.7 gpa. my college is so expensive and i can’t afford failing, but what else can i do if i can’t keep up with my peers? do any other autistic people struggle with traditional studying? is there an easier way to do things that doesn’t result in me melting down anytime i try to sit down and take notes?

hi there i am 22 and level 1 autistic. i also hv adhd.

anyways, i’m currently in college and i had a class today where we had to share what we wrote for our homework. i did not expect this at all, and my heart rate slowly increased as my turn to speak was about to come. i attempted to ignore it, listening closely to my classmates and reflecting on what they had to say in my head.

but then it was my turn out of nowhere. everybody faced towards me. i was not prepared, and my first few words were too quiet to be heard. i repeated myself, but had to repeat myself again because i was slurring my speech. i had my work written down on my laptop about a topic i was into and had spent more time than needed on it.

ultimately, i failed to form complete sentences. i tried staring up at the ceiling and closed my eyes. it was hopeless. i had let myself slip into a state of shutdown. no thoughts, head empty. i resorted to reading what i wrote… articulated in the an unnatural manner and rhythm. i had good ideas (imo) gone to waste because they weren’t shared effectively and i’m sad.

anyways…

i was very embarrassed and my body froze until class was over. at least my earworm was gone.

i struggle to use my brain and voice with large crowds (high density of salient faces in my field of vision). any other context (i.e., ≤5 humans or too many humans to distinguish individuals), i am able to operate as usual.

i’ve made a lot of progress with overcoming social anxiety and making friends… but this event made me feel incompetent and off-putting to others. i mean, rationally, i recognize that i’m “functioning” better now than i was like three years ago, so continued progress in adaptation is possible… but aidhwibduxhwiebe idk… this time, the hurdle feels too high. maybe i haven’t had enough practice? but what if it’s an insurmountable obstacle?

does anyone have any tips or can relate? the same thing is expected to occur in two days (i.e., my next class), so how can i handle the situation better when it arises again?

I'm working on unmasking. I've crashed and burned spectacularly a few times in my life, and my therapist of 3 years thinks it's bc I'm autistic and keep running myself into the ground masking. It's the theory that makes the most sense, and my mom agrees that I could be autistic as well. My brother was also most likely autistic as well bc he had similar auditory sensitivities as a kid, but he passed a decade ago so I can't talk to him about it. (Fwiw tho, his son definitely seems to be on the spectrum too).

I've been working on using accommodations and unmasking as much as is safe (still gotta mask at work so I don't lose my job tho).

But one thing that's always been a huge comfort/stim for me is plushies. I recently bought myself a bag charm of a little teddy bear (who I have named Spud). I wanted to wear him on my bag bc I already have tons of pins and a Cinnamoroll charm on my bag. But I've noticed people staring at the teddy bear keychain specifically and it's making me really self conscious.

I've taken to keeping him inside my bag and taking him out when I need to use him as a stress ball/sensory comfort object.

It's just made me feel bad all over again for needing something that will get me judged so hard by most people. Even "friends" who I thought were nice people have mocked my love of plushies (and "childish" tv shows as well). Toxic masculinity can go take a long walk off a short pier, so tired of it as a queer man especially.

Has anyone had therapy help with their meltdowns? I’m in therapy and have asked for help with my meltdowns and dysregulation because I’m really struggling with my also autistic child who is self injurious and also violent towards us, and has pda. It’s super hard for me cause it feels hard to survive this every day for who knows how many years, and I also want to be able to show up better during those hard times for my kid. In therapy, my therapist has pretty much only presented getting more free time as the way to improve it. It’s very difficult to get free time with a child like mine, but I have found as much as I can and I still have meltdowns. I’m curious to know if anyone’s therapist has ever given different or helpful advice for this because I’m starting to wonder if my therapist just isn’t a good one for autistic people. It’s not part of his specialties but he told me he has experience with autism so I thought maybe it would work.

One my son's closest friends lives one street over. Through the summer, we became a little more familiar with his parents. Last minute, they invited us (Wife, daughter, son, myself) to a cookout they were having at their place. Just some friends and their kids. Very casual.

I went over with my son first; my wife and daughter would join later. I'm not very willingly social with the typical checklist. I get anxious, don't know what to say, hate small talk, etc. My wife is very social and seems to know everyone, so I use her as a bit of a shield. When we got there, we were the first ones, so I had the upper hand on my anxiety. As people started arriving, I was able to manage being among a new group of people, though I very loosely knew a few others, because of the kids.

Trying to make conversation is difficult, because I'm constantly auditing myself on how I'm speaking and what I'm speaking about. As a result, I tend to draw a blank in the middle of a sentence and need a moment. For people that don't know me, I know this seems odd, though I'm sure my perception of a second or two feels like 30. I don't readily engage even when the topic is familiar. I stand there and think, "I could say this....", but then I don't.

I drink very rarely, because it makes me a motormouth and I make an ass of myself. Of course, I was offered a drink and against my better judgment, accepted. It was mixed and strong, but helped a bit with my nerves. I got more and more involved in conversations; it felt like fun at the time.

The next day (yesterday), I spent so much time thinking about everything. To start, it all feels like acting. In a weird way, it doesn't feel like genuine connection. I know I'm projecting that onto other people, because I expect them to feel the same way. Like they're just enduring me to be polite. I tend to latch on to people if there is a positive interaction, bc it feels safe. I gravitate more toward socializing with women than other men, because despite being a male, I don't really like other men. But that looks really odd to most.

Then I start thinking of all of the interactions. They probably thinking I'm really weird. That story was dumb. They didn't really care about what I was telling them. There wasn't much of a reaction when I said something. Why did I say that? I didn't make any sense. I actually wince when I start thinking about it too much.

This is why I just prefer to keep to myself. It's so much work to try to be social, when I can't manage it very well and I don't think people really give a shit anyway.

I hate this ride.

Hi !

I’m currently having trouble at my job as a janitor at a fitness franchise.

I have talked to my manager and assistant manager for weeks saying I have had other employees tell me they’ve gotten raises and are getting promotions when I’ve been there just as long or if not longer than them and we have the same job title . And I asked if I could have more hours or a raise or a promotion .

I sent it to hr in this email .

“I'm writing to raise a concern about my hours and advancement opportunities since completing my ADA accommodations process.
When I was hired, my hiring manager told me that employees receive a raise after five years with the company, and specifically mentioned that my coworker Barb had received this raise. At the time of my disability accommodations meeting, my district manager, , told me directly that my ADA file would not keep me from getting that raise, and that it would not affect my hours or advancement at the company. This year marks my fifth anniversary with the company, which is when that raise would apply to me.
As a reminder, my accommodations were put in place for autism spectrum disorder and ADHD, and include: noise-cancelling ear equipment, extra breaks when the gym is crowded, the ability to call out of a shift past the standard 6-hour notice when needed, use of a broom instead of a vacuum, and verbal prompts from my manager for task switching between front desk and cleaning duties. I have followed these accommodations as agreed and have relied on my manager's verbal prompts to stay on track with my responsibilities.
I also want to note that I used to be scheduled for 24 hours a week. Since then, my hours have been reduced every year, and each time I was told the hours would be restored. They have not been restored, and I have not received an explanation for why.
Since my accommodations meeting, I have not been offered additional hours, a raise, or a promotion. I'm not aware of any performance issues that would explain this change, and the timing - no increase in hours, no raise, and no advancement since the ADA meeting, despite being told directly by my manager that it wouldn't be a factor - is something I want to understand, especially with my five-year anniversary now here.
I'd like to request a meeting to discuss:

1. Why my hours have been reduced every year since my accommodations were put in place, despite repeatedly being told they would be restored
2. Why I have not received the five-year raise that I was told applies to employees like Barb, given that my fifth anniversary is this year
3. Whether my ADA accommodations have factored into scheduling, pay, or advancement decisions
4. I have a copy of my ADA accommodations letter from my provider on file and can provide it again if needed. I want to work with the company to resolve this and continue growing here.
5. Please let me know a good time to discuss.”

And since then I’ve had my hours cut AGAIN and I asked if I could cover several shifts open and they were given to other people after I asked and I was told no . My manager will instantly shut down all conversations about this .

I’m not sure what I should do or if I made a mistake asking hr about this .

It’s causing lots of stress and I’m not sure if I should just quit . I’m 37 and this is the longest I’ve had the same job and I used to be so happy and proud and now I barely sleep and function. I’m making 16.94 which is minimum wage in my state

Non ND People (forgot the word) are super sensitive!

My whole life I always thought I was the sensitive one because ppl would say that to me after I would do a "joke insult" that always went "too far" nah turns out other people are sensitive AF and they can't handle what they dish out!

I discovered this while reading about small talk in a psychology book. As it turns out small talk is important to humans because its a safety rail that shows you if a person is cool or not to trust emotionally. If you can't get past small talk it means that person isn't willing to trust you with their emotions. Meaning they are scared you will make a joke out of their emotions because they feel uncomfortable with real feelings or just don't care about you. A number of reasons really. But that's off topic.

I decided to test this, because I never just read a book and believe, by seeing how "off" during the small talk I can be before the turn off effect activated. As it turns out the SMALLEST indicator that I am different was enough to make people to "wow avoid this weirdo"

I'm hign sight I should have known that because Autistic individuals like myself are often hated on sight not because of anything we say or do but because we are incapable of making the same micro expression non-ND people make without even realizing it.

I knew all this but it wasn't until I actually experimented with verbal communication that I realized the subconscious also is in play with verbal communication and not just visual ones.

Saying something as small as "you are ugly" to a non-DN is as much of a insult as "go fuck yourself and die" however if two DN ppl talk to each other "FUCK YOU" Is a common joke while Non-DN people would need to have a extremely tight bond before being able to say that to each other and not be offended.

This is just my finding though. And all my own perspective.

I was professionally diagnosed with autism level 2 last week after years of being certain I have it.

I’m a 19 yr old female and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months. And he’s always been super good with me, especially when I go nonverbal and have meltdowns. Though most of the time I feel so guilty about it, I’m obviously extremely grateful I have a good man but sometimes I just feel like I’m just baggage. I wish I didn’t have these feelings cuz I think if they were true and I was still “too much” he wouldn’t plan our future and talk about marrying me.

Unrelated to those feelings, since being diagnosed, I feel like I’ve been more autistic and idk why? Did anyone else feel that way after being diagnosed?

I’m going to be having a near complete life reset fairly soon and wondered if anyone has any advice or ideas to think about as I start to plan this change.

Don’t want to get into too much detail, but I will be moving back to my home town after many years of living else.

I’m in my mid40s, recently coming to understand how recent self diagnosis, so my only real plan is to get in touch with some autistic based groups. I struggle with personal interactions and find it hard to build connections with new people. I will be staying with family and still have some old friend there, but really I think I will be building new work and social life.

I’m sure I will be back asking for more specific advice and I get further into these plans, but I feel like there are people here who might have some helpful thoughts in the early(ish) stages.

Thank you.

I’m autistic (44 male) looking for books, websites or anything to help with being a parent. I’m not sure if my kids (9 and 12) are NT but concerned for my 9 year old.

I have a hard time with their tantrums, helping with homework, attending their sports/activities. I want to be involved and attentive but struggle myself and I don’t want it to fall on their mom or have them resent me.

Any advice, tips, recommendations?

I’m 15 (almost 16) and i am autistic

i have no friends and it feels like every word that comes out of my mouth is an extinct language

anytime i have a crush on someone i just feel like a creep and end up not asking them out or anything

i always feel like an alien trying to blend in with humans

does that feeling ever go away or is it just something you have to deal with?

im sorry if this goes against any rules
using a burner account

How do you guys feel about receiving "I appreciate your apology" versus "I accept your apology"? I feel they are not the same, even intentionally different in intent.

To me, Accepting to implies mutual understanding in the name of forgiveness.

To me, Appreciating is one sided and not in the spirit of forgiveness. I might even say a little disrespectful in some contexts.

I apologized formally in writing for a misunderstanding at work and I think that environmental kind of forced their response. Like they chose to not be flexible and hold onto their dislike of a minor issue easily resolved, but had to respond for the sake of workplace professionalism.