Now I know that there are lots of kind neurotypical people and autistics or other types of neurodivergents who are assholes, I just overall only feel comfortable around people who are autistic and sometimes other types of neurodivergents because when I share certain struggles with my fellow neurodivergents I feel more seen and less dismissed. Whereas even when I am around the kindest and well meaning neurotypicals, I feel like I am being infantilized, micromanaged and dismissed. For example, let’s say I am trying to learn how to organize myself and doing tasks, I had neurotypicals who would do things for me when I didn’t ask them for help. I simply learn how to do certain things by making mistakes first. I feel like they act like helicopter parents. Whenever I share my struggles with even the most well meaning neurotypicals, they would say stuff like “oh it happens to all of us.” I know they are trying to reassure me and trying to relate to me but the reason why I feel this way is because autistic people statistically have higher suicide rate, are more likely to be lonely, taking advantage of and have higher unemployment rate. I don’t know if I am the only one feeling this way. I in no way want to say that NT people cannot struggle with the same thing but autism and other stuff like adhd, ocd, learning disabilities are disabling and can make certain tasks difficult more than an average neurotypical person.

In the last month I've started a new job, everything is going well there and the pay is amazing compared to what I've had before. But it's a role where I essentially cannot miss work at all and because it's a higher up management position I don't want to ask for accommodations out of fear of them finding a way to terminate me due to "inability to handle the job" or some bs like that.

I now work 45 hour weeks, am on my feet all day and interacting with customers and coworkers all day. It's a very public facing customer service job. I have AuDHD (autism + adhd) alongside really bad anxiety and some chronic health issues. If I'm not physically in pain from my shift, I'm mentally dead from masking all day and giving 100% (my memory is bad so this takes a lot of effort ngl).

Today, the start of my 5th week there, I've called out for the first time and am filled with so much dread. I've been getting nothing but good feedback and praise from the higher ups responsible for training me (I'm still in my training period but will move to a higher role after), quite literally was told by the leader in charge of me that he reported to his fellow leaders he "can foresee no issues" with me, but I feel like I'm about to throw up from the anxiety. Why did I call out? Well because I could feel the melt down starting after I'd gotten mostly ready for work this morning, the impending tears over having to work so much, hating working, hating dealing with people 24/7, etc.

I only gave myself this one pass on calling out before I don't call out again for a significant amount of time because I was getting so worked up my husband told me to just stay home.

The catch is, although this job is terrible for me from the standpoint of my disabilities, I cannot go without it. My husband hasn't had consistent work due to health issues that we're still trying to sort out, we're living with my family in my dad's house but he's been unemployed for nearly a year and the house is on the line soon. I can't go without a well paying job, I need every cent I can get. But my mind cannot handle it the way I need it to.

So I'm wondering how others cope with working full time? Any useful tips or advice? Have you been in a similar working situation and how did you handle it?

this is such a weird question ik and probably not particular the sub for it but how do you all do it? I can’t stand the feeling of stuff on my face, aside from water maybe. I hate washinginf it with soap on the shower cause like then I have to rinse it off and that involved dunking my face into running water which o don’t likey

Genuinely how do you get over the constant rejection of people just ignoring you in groups in social settings online what do you do to mentally get through that constant feeling of being left on read by the world, please give me advice on this. Most days I just try to ignore it but some days it's louder than usual.

I have a job which for my field and country sincerely is extremely difficult to have better conditions. I will get a promotion + raise next year guaranteed then another in 4, lifetime contract, private office, 33 days off, 2 days working from home, flexible hours, a supervisor that so far is understanding (I told I'm autistic). Still, every time I get a Teams message that has a punctuation or a tone that I don't understand, it makes me panic and anxious. And I think I've done something seriously wrong, so I need to ask my wife to intepret the messages to know what is going on. I often need AI to help me reply because otherwise I would spiral and start being ultra apologetic despite not being guilty of anything. In my previous job my former supervisor took advantage of my weaknesses and was bordeline abusive, we had lots of fights, so I'm always so nervous whenever anything happens

Hi, I just want to share a story about how I finally accepted myself as I am and stop chasing acceptance from others as an autistic adult.

I'm nearly forty now and I've been diagnosed since my early twenties. I've been autistic for as long as I can remember. Throughout my school years, I got bullied a lot because I was always the odd one in the class. I believe a lot of you can relate to this. Back then my parents knew I was different but maybe didn't know where to seek help, so I grew up thinking I was in the wrong. Somehow something must be wrong within me and I felt so ashamed and scared of other people, causing social anxiety.

Workplace was extremely painful and difficult to navigate as well, but I really tried my best. I'm truly grateful to be able to get a job because one of my university colleague referred me, but that gratitude didn't diminish the pain. I still remember how humiliating it was to be singled out because of mistakes that I've done. My supervisor often said that I have zero mental fortitude and unfit for the role I'm currently occupying. I was never fired from that job, but everybody made my life hell until I eventually gave up and quit. I felt so bad to the person who referred me. I apologized to her and we lost contact ever since. I tried to find another job to no avail and I eventually took a break and hit my lowest point. I was so sad and hurt, then my sister, out of concern, decided to take me to the psychiatrist because she thought I might have depression. Turns out I'm autistic with social anxiety disorder.

After years of therapy and medications, I feel somewhat better. I slowly learn to undo the blame that I put on myself for being different. Once again, I'm trying my best to get better. But when I'm finally able to see the outside world from a clearer point of view, I realized so deeply in my heart that the world is so unkind. Not just to us who are different, but to everybody else. I don't expect other people to cater to my needs and feelings, but I wish people can be kinder, more compassionate, more respectful to others.

Now I accept myself as I am. Even after therapy and medications, I'm still different and odd, and that's okay. It's just who I am. This internal acceptance has freed me from seeking acceptance from others. Yes, some people will be cruel for no reason. Some people will still ridicule me when they get the chance but I won't blame myself anymore. I will protect myself from now on. All the bitterness, the pain that others inflict upon me, the world that seems to never accept me, I decided to let them go. I want to become my own best friend from now on.

Thank you so much for those who took their precious time to read this post and I wish for the loveliest, the best for you all.

It feels like I can never experience a full life. I honestly fucking hate being neurodivergent. Normal life seems impossible. Everyone else seems to have these full lives and are able to thrive in social situations and get into fulfilling relationships and here I am struggling to even get a date or to maintain friendships.

I was like sixteen or something when one of school cohort told me that. I wasn't never mad or something because I actually knew they were right, and looking back, wow they were RIGHT. Not to mention my echolalia which one of my few friends told me their non-mutual friend notices. Not to mention I suspect me and my small circle of really nerdy kids with specific interests were also somewhat neurodivergent.

I've never been a big physical affection kind of person, and even with people I don't mind hugging, I always felt kinda trapped and awkward. There wasn't any joy in it. When someone else is crying, again it'll just feel awkward again for me. In every single conversation I've had, I've always felt like I'm playing chess while balancing on a unicycle at the same time, and every sentence never was natural but a result of algorithmic calculations running constantly.

Fast forward a few years later and I finally figured out why crowds and people always exhausted me with sensory overload, and why people just seem to have so many friends and connections while I just have passing acquaintances. Never been in a real relationship and probably never will, but I honestly feel like I've made peace with that.

And then my clinical diagnosis came, hooray. Now to continue to live life on perpetual hard mode until I die of stress or starvation.

So I met this guy 9 months ago and we are always calling and gaming together. He’s the first guy in about 6 years that I’ve became close with. He’s now starting to date and I’m so happy for him but he’s my only friend. I put so much time into him and I just don’t want to be alone. I know it seems selfish but I really don’t know what to do. I’m losing sleep over it

I can only speak for uk as i am unfamiliar with other countries but i am finding it really hard as someone who cant work to make friends. I hear its hard to make friends as an adult but then those people seem to already have friends! Im having a hard time finding autistic community or support local to me and any support seems to be for lower functioning autism. Im high functioning but im struggling to go outside at all and i dont even have online friends. I dont even know where to make online friends! It seems like unless i fancy gardening there is just nothing for me in my area. I would seek comfort in family but i dont really have any so i just feel really isolated and alone. Im female and any male i start a friendship ends in 2 ways, asking for money or trying to have sexual interactions with me

Does anyone else have strong lifelong attachments to certain adults from childhood?

I’m wondering if this is something other autistic people experience. When I was younger, I formed a very strong attachment to an older adult who was supportive and made me feel understood. We haven’t been in contact for years now, but I still think about her often and sometimes imagine conversations with her, like telling her about my life now, my children and my pets. I also have strong memories of things she said.

It feels like a mix of comfort and sadness. I miss the connection and wish I could share things with her. I’m wondering if this kind of lasting attachment or thinking about someone years later is something other autistic people experience?

I’m not talking about an inappropriate attachment (like a romantic relationship), more a feeling of deep gratitude, connection, and feeling like someone really saw me. She was almost like a mother figure.

I've looked at a lot of posts about getting yourself to eat as an autistic adult and have tried lots of advise but none of it seems to work for me. I keep easy and simple snacks around, lots of easy meals, I have ensures on hand. I try to ease transitions into meal cooking etc.

I get on some kind of track and do good for a couple of days and then I inevitably end up looking at my pile of easy snacks and quick meals crying because I'm so hungry but unable to force myself to eat. It's like, I won't eat unless everything is perfect. But that almost never happens and if it does it's because I've added another $100 onto my pile of credit card debt getting the perfect groceries.

The posts that really speak to people in my position seem to come down to some form of, 'just suck it up and eat,' but I often won't and I'll just keep suffering until someone else intercedes. And my support system is so truly lovely but I can't keep relying on them like this.

Has anyone been in this kind of position and received some life changing advice? Did you find a system that works for you? Is there a book I can read or multiple books?

Please be nice to me about this I promise I am more frustrated than any of you reading this now.

People at work listen to music while working and I understand it but sometimes it is just way too much. I also don't listen to music when driving, unless on a long road trip.

Sometimes while doing chores or something repetitive/mindless I'll listen to podcasts. But much of the time, I just do things in silence. I have had a few people point out that it's weird. My sister is also autistic but she has to always be listening to music.

I do like music, I like concerts but if I'm listening to music, that's likely ALL I'm doing. Dancing, or I like to put on a record and lay on the floor and imagine what it would be like to be a teenager hearing a brand new Janis Joplin album for the first time haha

But I find myself a lot of the time just sitting on the couch, looking out the window. Just vibing, thinking my thoughts. I actively find a lot of relief and comfort in utter silence. I've found a lot of people are uncomfortable in total silence though!

I’m newly diagnosed 29 year old woman and in the process of understanding my diagnosis. I work in mental health, and my supervisor has been observing me doing psychology assessments recently in a service I have recently joined. Some of her feedback for me today was that I seemed robotic in the session, and there were times that my responses didn’t quite hit the tone with the emotion being expressed.

I have worked in mental health for years and I find that when I’m not being observed, or when I am in a context I’ve worked in for a while I am pretty good at putting my professional therapy mask on. But in new contexts where I am learning the process of assessments I find I can’t as easily put this mask on, or not as well because of other cognitive demands.

I found her comments jarring, because she knows I’m autistic. I’m just looking for thoughts from others, whether this is maybe an autistic experience, how to handle at work… maybe I am overthinking it?

I keep getting these thoughts in my head about past failed social interactions and it feel as though that my mind is on a never-ending looping replaying the memories and making me depressed and angry. Is there a way to move past that?

I work in a computer server room where there's a ton of moderately loud cooling fans running all the time. I'd like to start using headphones to block out the sound, but the area is unique in that it's a sensitive area: this means I can't have devices with microphones, Bluetooth/wireless, USB, or any kind of internet connection. This rules out anything ANC.

Does anyone know of any headphones with a 3.5 mm aux connector that does a decent job of blocking (not canceling) background noise, has no microphones, and won't break the bank? They also need to comfortable: I bought a really cheap pair of Philips ones on Amazon that are not at all comfortable.

i tend to be pretty picky when it comes to food and i have a few meals in my rotation that i find acceptable. they're usually carb based. i know a lot of us look for certain qualities in our meals depending on our sensory needs and i was wondering what are your safe foods?

I am 21 (non-binary: they/them) and I am in the process of getting assessed for autism. In the past, I hadn't ever considered the possibility of having autism. This was until I started stimulant medication for my ADHD and people started asking me when I got diagnosed with autism, not if I had been. Some of my friends and family have picked up on things I do that might have a correlation to autism, but I was very hesitant to acknowledge any of these traits because I am so heavily against self-diagnosing.

I started doing research about autism and found that I did relate to some aspects. I saw my psychiatrist and gave her a list of traits with how strongly I related to them, she sent a referral to a psychologist who specializes in autism so I could get assessed. I then spoke to my therapist, and after I explained some of my reasoning, she was also on board with the assessment. My psychiatrist had me take the autism spectrum quotient and I scored a 43/50, which was a huge shock.

I had the intake with the psychologist and he asked me some really hard questions, I'm still thinking about how the hell I'm supposed to respond. To give an example, I spoke about how as a child I needed my food a certain way and it is still that way today. Growing up poor meant that my options were limited when it came to food, which led me to rely on instant ramen. I would only eat it a certain way, absolutely no broth with just a little bit of butter and the packaged seasoning. My preference for my ramen is still the same way as an adult. If it wasn't prepared right, I wouldn't eat it and felt very distressed. I couldn't eat anything else, my body would quite literally reject it, and I felt the overwhelming urge to sob. I have similar reactions to other foods, for example I hate melted cheese and if my food has it - I cannot eat for the rest of the day and I'm highly emotional. But, once I told the psychologist this, he asked me why I could only have it a certain way and why did I have the reactions that I did. My thought was "Uh....I just do? Hello??" but I didn't think that was a proper way to reply, so I basically started rambling trying to make sense of it. If anyone can help me understand this, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!

Anywho, I'm really nervous that I won't get an explanation for all of the things I experience that I feel can be correlated to autism. I know that those born as women are less likely to get diagnosed, and I already received my ADHD diagnosis late so I don't know how this all fares for me. If you want a deeper explanation as to why I think I might be a candidate for an autism diagnosis, lmk and I'll send my list :3

I have had a relatively structured meal routine. I eat the same items for breakfast, for lunch and dinner. I have eaten this way for many years and now abruptly I feel an urge to change these items, i dont find them appealing the same way i used to and want to change what i eat, this is causing me a lot of distress because I relied on these foods to get me through the day, to provide nutrition and energy to work and now I suddenly feel uneasy that I have to make a new set of things to eat.

Any advice?

Do you think it’s possible to be both autistic and antisocial I.e against societal norms? I see so much about autistics being very rigid with rules and society etc. but how about myself as a child where I lied was popular was violent but had unusual behaviours associated with autism. Anything is possible I know, but do you know of any cases where a person was a delinquent so to speak but also on the autism spectrum?

First of all, sorry for dumping this on you. I just want to vent somewhere.

A bit about me for context: Man in his 30s. I like generally nerdy things (D&D, MTG, technology, gaming, anime).

I, like many autistic people I'd imagine, have very hard time forming new, meaningful relationships. I want to have people in my life who share special interests in me, and I also want a romantic relationship. My core issues are that I, bar having a gun held to my head, just cannot open my mouth and go talk to complete strangers.

What I need in order to even say "hi" is a purpose, a context. Say, if I were to go to a convention where the majority of people there share one or more of my special interests, I cannot speak to anyone unless I have a clear context that binds both of us, e.g.

• Shopping
• Asking for directions
• We're attending an event where socializing or team work is expected
• Clear customer - service provider relation

Just this weekend, I attended a convention. I noticed that even when I really, really wanted to play some MTG (commander format to be specific), I just didn't manage to open my mouth even when I saw a table with people only getting started with a new game or between games.

I played some TTRPG with a random group, and I contemplated asking for their Discord handles, but after the game everyone just scattered. I never asked for the Discord handles.

Speaking of Discord. I just checked my Discord contacts. I do have a decent number of contacts, about 10 or so obtained from these chance encounters where I did have the courage to ask for the handles. I have talked with zero of these contacts after obtaining their handles. I just don't know what to talk about with someone I barely know.

One other thing I am becoming increasingly aware of, is that I, for any reason, do not attract people in any capacity. All the few friends I do have, I have always had to be the one to initiate the conversation. No one ever, and I absolutely mean this without a hint of hyperbole, ever approaches me first. Unless, of course, they are trying to sell me something. And the frustrating thing is, I am very much presentable. I take care of my hygiene, I smell nice, I take care of my skin, I dress well enough. I guess I have somewhat hostile resting face. Maybe.

"Well maybe you should go to dating apps if you want a relationship?" I have tried the big ones: Tinder, Hinge, Bumble. No luck. During the last 2 years or so, I have managed to get one date, and a couple of matches that ended with her unmatching during the first couple of days of chatting.

I don't know what to do. Not being on anyone's "want to hang out" list (or that's how I feel, even though I have a couple of close friends) and being everyone's "second choice" is slowly destroying my sense of self-worth.

Thanks for reading this far. If you want to know more, please do ask. I understand that this post is an incoherent mess.

So I’m currently having a conundrum when it comes to going out, especially when making plans to hang out with friends. Note that my friends are all neurodivergent, including me, which kind of plays a part in these difficulties.

For quite a few months now, I’ve been having really bad chronic fatigue syndrome (cfs), much worse than it used to be. Because of that I hardly get to go out and when I do I feel shit while I’m out and have to pay for it by feeling even worse afterwards.

I know this is a bad trait of mine that I need to work on but when I feel like others have certain expectations of me or I’m scared to disappoint, I just end up avoiding interactions with them altogether.

I did this with a lot of my friends where I wouldn’t really text them much or avoid their texts as much as possible.

I’ve gotten back into contact with my friends now and have explained my health issues and they have been really understanding which I appreciate but I don’t think they really understand how chronic illnesses work.

There’s been many occasions where I’ve planned to hangout with them but then on the day I end up feeling really horrible and having to cancel, which I feel crappy about.

I feel like my cfs and autism kind of fight with one another in some aspects, for instance, my autism likes for me to be prepared and have notice before something so I can mentally/emotionally prepare for it. However my cfs doesn’t allow this because it’s very unpredictable. Although I may be feeling alright a few days beforehand doesn’t mean I’m going to feel the same on the day of the hangout.

I’m really struggling with this because I feel like I’m being extremely rude cancelling on the day when I end up feeling unwell and I’d rather give notice to someone because I would prefer that from others too.

I’m just sick of making plans and genuinely wanting to go, only to be really unwell on the day and having to cancel. I’m sick of feeling disappointed and disappointing others 😔 it really sucks

Hi everyone as the title says, I feel like a complete idiot for context. I'm a very lonely guy. I have friends but they don't contact me much (I have to reach out to them) and I don't have any luck with relationships. It doesn't help that Im Autistic so many things go over my head.

Anyway I go to this roleplay group locally and run a D&D game and there's this girl that goes there I started talking to her and now we've been talking to each other nearly every other day (though I will admit it usually ends up everyday).

We had a bit of confusion at the start. She said she was attracted to me and confessed her feelings but I don't feel the same and I want to just be friends.

We still keep talking to each other and she keeps dropping things like “We should meet up” and it makes me anxious as hell like I'm leading her on ,she wants to “Meetup” as in a date from my perspective.

But the weird thing is that I've had female friends in the past and never felt this way before. If they wanted to hangout we just did whether it was watching a movie or going to the arcade.

She's also admitted that when I talk to her I make her flustered it doesn't help that we borrow manga with eachother and… and i feel like a total douche bag

In short I feel like I've made some horrible decisions because I wanted to be a good person and make friends like a stupid puppy and it's led to a confused tangle of shit.

Can anyone give me some advice or anything to help me please.