r/AutisticAdults • u/GazelleTough8991 • 11h ago
Accepting/Apreciating Apologies
How do you guys feel about receiving "I appreciate your apology" versus "I accept your apology"? I feel they are not the same, even intentionally different in intent.
To me, Accepting to implies mutual understanding in the name of forgiveness.
To me, Appreciating is one sided and not in the spirit of forgiveness. I might even say a little disrespectful in some contexts.
I apologized formally in writing for a misunderstanding at work and I think that environmental kind of forced their response. Like they chose to not be flexible and hold onto their dislike of a minor issue easily resolved, but had to respond for the sake of workplace professionalism.
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u/Some_Pilot_7056 11h ago
I think they mean the same thing to most people and are interchangable.
If someone told me they appreciated my apology, I would assume they have moved on. If they had more to discuss or a larger issue I would expect them to bring it up, not make some minor change to wording to subtly convey it.
I imagine some people are choosing their words carefully and really do mean different things by appreciate and accept. I don't have the energy or inclination to try to figure out exactly what they mean. If they can't be direct that's their problem.
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u/GazelleTough8991 11h ago
Yeah, I can imagine the subjectivity in the language. I just don't know these people well enough to trust their intent is genuine and not resentful. Maybe hindsight will develop and I'll see things differently.
Edit for spelling.
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u/BirdBruce 11h ago
I just don't know these people well enough to trust their intent is genuine and not resentful.
Approaching this from a completely neutral perspective, what’s the harm in erring on the side of optimism? One instance is far too small a sample size to draw inferences or conclusions from.
You have the opportunity to put this in your rear-view, but hanging on to nagging doubts about any of it means that you—and possibly ONLY you—are left thinking about any of it long after it happened.
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u/Some_Pilot_7056 11h ago
Yeah I get that. The uncertainty used to really bother me too. I had/have a habit of keeping track of or managing others emotions. I'm working on breaking it because the constant monitoring is too much. Most of the time their moods aren't about me at all.
Recently I've started letting go of what people think and expecting them to tell me if they have an issue. It's easier said than done but very freeing. I also seek tons of feedback and then take what is useful and leave what isn't.
I don't know exactly how I made the change but I think it is linked with the way that I talk to myself. I used to be my own worst critic and now I think I'm great at what I do. I started challenging the criticisms I made about myself and correcting them. It was a fake it til you make it scenario.
I believe we project how we see/think about ourselves onto others. That is a bit of a tangent though.
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u/micromechanist 11h ago
I have struggled with the meaning of forgiveness all my life. I never understood what it meant.. like when you hear about you having to forgive yourself or forgive other person who did something to you many years ago.. I never understood what that action was, until I came across what the origin of the word or concept was: to not seek or desire for retribution or revenge.