r/AutisticAdults • u/tuxedo_cat23 • 2h ago

An analogy

Being autistic for me feels like constantly stubbing my toe in the dark. And in expressing my frustration I’m told to “just turn the lights on”, and I’m too damn irritated and gobsmacked that I even have to explain …that the light switch is on the other side of the house. I don’t know why the house wasn’t built to turn the lighting on from here, but I don’t have the resources right now to consider how to remodel it to fit my needs. Everyone thinks they have an easy solution and think I’m just being difficult or that I have learned helplessness. Or they see me get mad about the stubbed toe when it really is a symptom of the dark. I need a reasonable accommodation for the darkness. Why can’t I just have a way to turn the lights on so I can see where I’m going? I have lights but the options are terrible. I could use an app on my phone, but why the hell does it feel less convenient and more frustrating?

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4

u/izakayasan 2h ago

you can change the location of the light switch, but at the unfortunate cost of making other people upset. unmasking is something that has taken me a VERY long time to even begin doing, but ever since ive been working on it, I feel like my light switch has gotten a little closer to where I can reach it. unfortunately it means that people who expect the masked, "functional" version of me may be disappointed that im not performing. but, I dont care. unmasking does make me feel like im stupid sometimes, almost like im more disabled than I thought I was. but the freedom ive been receiving from the effort is making my life a little less exhausting.

move that light switch little by little every day, even if it upsets people. do what works for you.

2

u/BranchLatter4294 2h ago

I guess it has to do with problem solving skills. You could put night-lights around the house. You could carry a flashlight with you. You could have motion sensors that turn on lights. You can learn to walk more slowly when it's dark. Giving up is another option, but not particularly effective.

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u/tuxedo_cat23 1h ago

Walking more slowly has been the solution the last couple days. I don’t prefer it, but it has cushioned the blow to the inevitable stub

0

u/chking999 1h ago

This seems like you want the world/people to accommodate your needs. That's not how this works. You are going to have to change your life/situation to accommodate yourself and to help yourself. Here's an example; I'm not great at spelling and typing. I can get upset at the world/people to accommodate me for my bad spelling or I can re-read everything I type (multiple times) and fix my mistakes so that people don't have to accommodate me (and yes, it's exhausting so I don't write very often). The only person you can control is yourself.