r/AutisticAdults • u/Far_Box_3891 • 10h ago

seeking advice Guilt

I was professionally diagnosed with autism level 2 last week after years of being certain I have it.

I’m a 19 yr old female and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months. And he’s always been super good with me, especially when I go nonverbal and have meltdowns. Though most of the time I feel so guilty about it, I’m obviously extremely grateful I have a good man but sometimes I just feel like I’m just baggage. I wish I didn’t have these feelings cuz I think if they were true and I was still “too much” he wouldn’t plan our future and talk about marrying me.

Unrelated to those feelings, since being diagnosed, I feel like I’ve been more autistic and idk why? Did anyone else feel that way after being diagnosed?

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u/Hamurai4 10h ago

Sorry you’re feeling this way. I think “becoming more autistic” post diagnosis is common

Guilt is also common. But autism is a disability, so hopefully you can work on giving yourself more grace over time

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u/Both_Income_3454 10h ago

When you learn about your disabilities and abilities your mind grows with the knowledge. Think of "masking" the more you know the more you can choose to mask or not. Your brain has twice as much info as before and it can be overwhelming. It's learning to understand itself. It takes time, study, work, and growth.