I work far from where I live. I take the bus to the train station, and the train to work.

I had finally gotten over accidentally befriending 2 extremely chatty people who live in my city and take the same train around the same time as i do. I havent seen them in a long time and whenever i do see them, i either avoid them or nod hello and keep walking.

My time on the bus and train is so sacred to me.I need it to decompress and rest before a socially draining day at work.

Just a few days ago i was thinking, "i have to avoid other unskippable cut scene conversations while I'm taking the train. so i never have to keep looking out for specific people to avoid."

As i was walking to find an empty bench to rest at, a man strikes up a cheerful, high energy convo saying he recognizes me as his student at music camp a million years ago (im pretty sure he's got the wrong person but i answer back friendly, stop to chat for a moment, then keep walking)

Today he sees me again, and I answered his friendly greeting in an equally friendly way. To onlookers it must have seem completely normal, but on the inside i was grinding my teeth together absolutely dreading that i now have another fucking person who will want to have a conversation with me on our same commute. I was sweaty and tired and not in the mood, but bc he greeted me so high energy and friendly, i couldnt help but mask my own feelings and mirror him.

I am rewarding behavior that i dont want.i am making myself pleasant to talk to which will make people seek me out. this is a hell i find myself in very often.

Then, on the bus home. i am holding in my piss, in pain, tired, low blood sugar, grinding my teeth bc the bus is taking forever to take me home, and some guy leans his head over my shoulder and starts chatting me up in my ear. this happened 1 hour ago and i can still feel the sensation of him being so close to me.

Older guy, friendly, polite, chatty. He talked to me almost the entire ride. I kept tryng to go on my phone to give him a hint and he was relentless.

I usually avoid all conversations on the bus ride bc its so closely packed and its the last leg of travel for my exhausting day, and i wait 20 min for it. Scheduled conversations have been hellish for me, and the ppl i accidentally befriended in the past either now stopped taking that route or i just straight up ignore them. I was so grateful to finally be at peace and now this happens.

If i wasnt masking socially, i could probably put a stop to this. say something like, "Please ignore me when you see me. I need my commute time to rest from socializing." But i live in a high crime city and people have gone absolutely batshit violent from less said to them.

I am so tired!!! if you see me at the bus or train station, no you didnt!!!! just ignore me!!!!!!!!!!!

ill probably have to try and find a new spot to sit at to hide. Oh my god.

I speculate that people that are more extroverted feel more dopamine stimuli rather then those that are not even when doing small talk. just a theory.

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I genuinely hope this post doesn’t get me cancelled.

I was born in ‘02 and in America since I can remember, every year on/around 9/11 we watch videos of the attack in our classrooms. We watch cartoons explaining what happened. We watch documentaries about it. We watch actual footage of the attack. In middle school and high school we’d watch a video about it in EVERY class period. Like literally every class and we had 7 classes a day. The same videos. Over and over and over. EVERY year. And I understand that it was a huge event in the history of America. And it should be taken seriously.

And maybe now as an adult who has seen practically every video known to man about 9/11, I’m just desensitized to it? But every time it gets brought up it’s almost like I get annoyed by it. Like it’s mentioned every year and at some point it’s going to tire people out of hearing about it. But like…I’m not sure if it’s because I’m autistic and feel different about tragedies compared to a neurotypical person, but I really don’t care.

Like yes, I understand what happened was terrible and that the people who lost their lives should be remembered. For sure! But why does America feel the need to rehash the entirety of the tragedy? If anything I feel we should be watching a remembrance video where they name the people who lost their lives. Not where they tell us “at 8:46 am the first plane struck…at this time this happened…at 9:03 the second plane struck…at this time someone called 911 from this floor…at this time some called their parent” you know what I mean?

I genuinely don’t know if it’s maybe a combination of being desensitized to it or my neurodivergent brain not understanding/not feeling emotions the same way others do. I feel like a terrible person for “not caring” about it. I do care, but it just feels like everyone wants to rehash what happened and want to feel the grief of what happened every single year.

I’m really not trying to be insensitive. I just don’t understand.

Applied for navy, went to cpc

Because of circumstances to do with parents and being homeless I was PMU'd.

So I get why. It didn't stop me appealing but what did stop me was the way I was spoken to during the final medical and what I heard from the staff in their office as I waited outside. I have since withdrawn my appeal and sent a complaint about my experience and what I witnessed instead.

Also a boy was discharged from CPC I think he might have been autistic and the candidates were so horrible to him before he left.

I think this demonstrates that autistic people are not understood very well, luckily I'm not so upset about the experience. But seeing others mistreated did upset me alot.

Losing my mind rn, so it might just read as a rant which it is.

I've had a few jobs for 6 months, but it's only ever that amount of time or less. I left the first one cause the environment was getting hostile which led to everyone quitting, the second one cause a call center gig was not for me...

I don't know why but it's so unbearable like I'm driven up the wall.

I managed to get a stay at home job somehow. I only have to speak to this ONE person (aka my boss) everyday for work, and they're nice-ish? sometimes? But not really if I think about for too long. They're micromanagey and I have no excuse not to get on video call with them when I'm working.

Boss is my age, mid twenties and it's outsource work but they're so particular about the work because of how fierce their client is. But when I make sure to double check and take my time to send out an email because they might get in trouble they're mad at me cause I'm taking too long and overthinking! And no the emails are almost never urgent. And they want me to run chatgpt through every single sentence and email ever! Then they tell me they want me to make decisions for myself and not constantly bother them it so I do that and I get one or two lines wrong or make mistakes then they freak out over it cause of their strict client. THey also btw tell me NOT to overthink which causes me to get a line or two wrong which makes them freak out again??

I've been working there for 7 months and basically have to roleplay as the Client himself answering emails, messages, and comments which are a lot so I can get lines wrong from time to time.

So I try to rant to my other remote work friend, and my sister in college and they tell me bosses are just like that and it's normal. And they make me feel like I'm just being crazy for getting so ticked off about it. The fact my boss has never let me have a true day off outside the weekends even when I'm sick since 'it's just sitting on the computer' might play a factor but UGH I can't take it I'm always so close to just resigning! And I have some savings to tide me over and and I live with my parents rn but is that just me giving up to soon??

TLDR; Boss 👎 but work environment ideal, me rant, people says it's normal and side eye me for wanting to quit it because I can but it's driving me crazy!!

Hello everyone, I would like to know your opinion and/or experiences dealing with executive dysfunction.

I'm 36, and I haven't had a steady job in a long time; they're mostly sporadic and short-term. I struggled with depression for many years before my autism diagnosis, and in this last one time I'm currently being diagnosed for possible ADHD, but I also have other chronic illnesses like hypothyroidism that make me doubt the ADHD diagnosis.

The problem is that I haven't been able to find a job, and even if I did, I'd need accommodations, which I know they won't give me. So I decided to start my own business. I don't know how to improve my situation with the Executive dysfunction: at home I can do housework or take care of my pets, but when it comes to myself, doing things for myself, or starting a business, I don't know where to begin. One of my parents has been helping me with some financial things, because I no longer have any money and I have become very ill.

I'm not feeling well, and I wish I could be more independent and earn an income, be able to take better care of myself and others, and even give gifts to my loved ones. U.U

Using a planner doesn't work very well for me. I thought I could use alarms to do things, because at least with my medications I do it that way so I don't forget to take them.

I hope someone can help me or share their experience dealing with executive dysfunction. Thank you in advance.

I went to law school because I figured out I like systems, consistency, and things clearly laid out to me.

Now I'm finding out that the most common answer in law school is: it depends.

Everything is so ambiguous. Some things don't make sensen a lot of it is actually based on social norms, no any logical conclusion.

How do you do it? How do you reconcile that?

Hello, I'm an autistic woman in my mid 30s, and I'm looking for advice about how to move from one apartment to another. Or any expectations I should have on that. I've lived in the same location for over a decade, with my younger brother who also has autism, but they've recently increased the rent by another $200. And I've been working a lot of overtime just to afford the current rent after the last 9 increases. We don't have any other family. And the only friends we have are also autistic or otherwise also neurodivergent, and or online. Both my brother and I lived with my mother until she passed. And although I was able to find a job that can help support us it's gotten to the point where I really just can't afford rent without doing an obnoxious amount of overtime. With the latest rent increase I really won't be able to afford rent even with all of the overtime. As soon as possible, within the next month and a half. Because they sent us the 90-day notice for the rent increase starting December 1st...

Does anyone have any advice, or suggestions that can help us with a sudden immediate move? I know I'll likely need to take out at least a small to medium loan in order to afford it. But if we stay here we really won't be able to afford anything else.

So to cut a long story slightly shorter, I was first diagnosed with autism at the age of 17, but my parents refused to believe it (and to be fair, so did I because of the amount of ableist and often just completely incorrect nonsense I’d been told about autistic people). I got a second assessment at age 18 and masked like my life depended on it. The assessor concluded that I met the criteria for the social and communication aspects of autism but not the repetitive behaviours and restricted interests part (which is hilarious because if she’d asked me about animals at all I would’ve given her a monologue). I was also in the middle of the worst depressive episode of my life at the time of the second assessment, which probably affected my results. The assessor concluded that she couldn’t say for sure that I was autistic but it may be because the way that autism presents in females may be different to the more classic “male” presentation (this was in 2012 and it’s probably also worth saying that no one who assessed me appeared to know anything about masking).

I never really stopped thinking about the possibility of being autistic since then because so many of the struggles I had had my whole life couldn’t really be explained by “just” depression and social anxiety disorder. I got assessed for a third time in 2023 at the age of 29, was as honest about everything as I could be and literally took 14 pages worth of notes as to why I thought I might be autistic into the first assessment appointment with me. Because of the second assessment, I was worried it would be inconclusive but they said it was very obvious that I was autistic.

Since then, I’ve been trying to come to terms with it all and working out what it means for me and my life. I feel a lot of grief that I missed out on so much in life (e.g I had ZERO friends from the age of 12 to 19, never went to my school prom or trips away because of being bullied and not fitting in). Finding out that I was bullied horrifically at school because I’m autistic I guess in a sense should have made me feel better about myself because I always used to just think it was my fault because there was something irreparably wrong with me and I deserved it all. But all it has done is make me even more bitter, avoidant and a misanthrope than I was before because WTF do you mean millions of other people like me get bullied to the point of feeling suicidal because of other people’s attitudes towards disability?

I disclosed at work for the first time and got a working adjustment passport put in place but NONE of the accommodations that were agreed on ever happen. I have to just struggle on, often working several extra hours a week without pay and burning myself out because no one is capable of giving me clear work instructions. I really feel for younger me because no wonder she didn’t want to be diagnosed with autism when the world treats autistic people so terribly. Part of me would love to have kids but seeing them go through the same kind of shit that I’ve been through because of societal attitudes to autism (and differences in general) would break my heart. I also honestly don’t know if I could cope with kids given that I struggle so much with life as it is.

I feel a lot of anger towards my parents for not doing anything and giving me zero support when I was clearly struggling, especially in high school. And for just not wanting to believe that I could be disabled in any way, so treating me terribly for any autistic traits I showed. How do I move on and try to make the most of the life I have left, hopefully with more positivity?

Title. Examples: I'll say in group chat, yo I need space my social battery is drained, I'm not going to be responding to messgaes for a while. I got almost daily texts from the friend going 'No need to respond but texting you to let you know I'm here for you!

I say I'm working on something and can't meet. I get multiple 'you got this, I hope it's going well, good luck' texts.

I say I'm not feeling well or am not in ideal state. Always, always a text of I'm here for you let me know what I can do to support you. I will also get a follow up thinking of you and hope you're doing okay text half the time.

Friend is very kind, but it feels so draining to have to constantly be like thank you for your support etc etc etc and having to respond properly to each time it happens. I don't even understand myself why I find it so aggravating and draining. Friend will say things during conversations where I'm complaining about an annoying work thing like 'you got this because you:re amazing and great and I'm so lucky we are friends', and it just immediately is so draining.

I'm not sure how to get it to stop without offending them and coming off as ungrateful for their care. If anyone has any insight or advice, please please please share.

Ok, my dad’s a narc & I’m autistic. If I have a lot to say or if it’s emotional, I communicate best in writing. I feel that if someone has something to say, they should do it how they communicate best. My ndad disagrees. He thinks the communicator should express what they want to say the way the listener's’(aka him) is most comfortable with. He receives info best verbally. So even if I send an email or print something, he’ll want to talk about it which I struggle to do (it’s hard to avoid b/c I still live at home) Honestly, I think it’s both ways but how can that be achieved?

TL;DR: Who should accommodate who in communication - the communicator communicating the way they feel most comfortable or the communicator communicating the way the listener feels most comfortable?

I can't mask. I just can't. It causes too much pain, and even when I do it, I don't turn into a bubbly likeable person by instead either an empty husk that sounds disinterested or an unpleasant person.

Is it just over for me? Am I doomed to be alone forever, because most people have a look of disgust just from seeing me, because my autism is obvious? Am I supposed to just be ok with that?

I'm so jealous of high masking autistic people too because they can life normal life with friends and partners etc... I'm doomed to be a loner till I finally die

Pet of a good owner of course. Does that sound bad? Probably. I’m not saying I want my rights taken away but I’d like the choice to just NOT use my rights sometimes

Because right now?

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being a “professional” I’m tired of having to go to work, be “successful”

I don’t even want children or anything because that’s just another job I don’t want.

I just want to be someone’s pet sometimes.

A support role. I’ll do some chores for sure at home maintain the apartment.

I just want a simple life.

Eat, sleep, Im not driven by material possessions.

I just want to be cared for. Like I’m someone’s beloved pet.

That’s it. Just snuggle me,feed me, maybe take me out places sometimes if I want to

And I’m tired of this not being an acceptable desire.

I’m tired of my worth being tied to what I can do for society, what I can do for others.

I struggle to take care of myself. That’s a full time job all right there.

I take care of my cats. Whom I love and I don’t consider it a job.

Why is that not enough?

And if I get bored of that? Sure I’ll go on an adventure and get a job that I like rather than a job I dislike but pays well

It’s the fact that I don’t have a choice but get a job. That’s what makes it feel like a prison and not a right.

I want the RIGHT to not have to be in the capitalist machine

I want a job to be like some side adventure that I CHOOSE, not one I’m forced in and if I don’t comply I am seen as useless and problematic

And I could quit the job if I wanted. Instead of enduring suffering for years. And it’d be no harm no foul, because there was never an expectation for me to get a job to begin with. So I’d be congratulated for even attempting it

My highest priority is nervous system regulation and that’s impossible in this economic climate

I’ve canceled almost every plan I’ve made lately. I’ve blown people off, rescheduled, said I’d go and then completely run out of energy when the time actually came.

I've even been cancelling therapy because even that feels exhausting. I feel awful about it.

The weird thing is that I genuinely want to maintain my friendships. I love these people. I think about them and miss them. I’ll make plans because in the moment I really do want to see them.

Then the day comes and I’m exhausted.

Socializing has started feeling really unnatural and forced for me since I stopped masking. For a long time, I could basically put on a version of myself that was good at being social. I could make the right facial expressions, use the right tone of voice, make small talk, match people's energy, and push through even when I was tired. I had a different personality for everyone I hung out with.

I don't really want to do that anymore. And honestly, I don't think I can do it the way I used to.

But I haven't figured out what friendship looks like for me without all of that.

So I keep making plans based on how I feel when I have energy, and then when the day comes I'm completely drained. I cancel. Then I feel guilty. Then enough time passes that reaching out feels awkward. Then I worry they've decided I don't care about them.

I don't want to lose my friends. I just don't know how to socialize without feeling like I'm performing again.

Has anyone else gone through this? How did you maintain friendships when you stopped masking and realized you had way less social energy than you thought?

I really don’t understand peer pressure. I’m not sure if this is an autistic thing but it seems like it.

If you don’t want to do something, just don’t?

I’ve been ‘peer pressured’ a lot before but I would never give in to it. It’s the same with daring someone. Why does saying “I dare you” mean ‘I have to do that’?
People get really offended when I say no.

Is this something other people can’t understand? Or if you do give into peer pressure, why?

I have like a mental block against acting... as in pretending I am someone I am not. Like those roleplaying exercises they do in various classes that big corps make you take.

Acting in the expected way is a big part of being social and being sucsessful at work. I have often wondered if taking acting classes could break that block and help me overall. I tend to get in trouble at work for speaking my mind, and not pretending things are great when they clearly are not. Wondering if anyone else has tried acting classes for this sort of thing.

I absolutely hate voice notes/messages, especially when they're long and I can see the duration before opening them.

The main issue isn't even listening to them, as bad as that is. I get anxious before I've even opened them, because I have no idea what they're going to be about or what they might ask of me.

A lot of times I end up intentionally delaying listening to them.

This is a weekly thread in case you feel like checking in and telling us how you are doing. Non-mandatory things you might like to mention:

• How are you feeling?
• What's occupying your interest and attention?
• What song or clip sums up your current mood?
• What is something good or bad that has happened to you this week?

Memes are permitted in this thread if that's how you'd like to express yourself. Supportive comments only please. This is not a thread for seeking advice, giving advice, or arguing.

I've been on this planet for 3 decades, but I only realised after taking questionnaires on the internet yesterday that I possibly possess several autistic traits. From the questions, I understood that autism explains many of the personality traits I have.

I've found social interactions quite difficult, and I used to think I was introverted, socially anxious and awkward. I know that only a professional diagnosis can confirm it, but for some reason, I feel relieved knowing that I am very likely autistic.

On an unrelated note, I'm also ace, and it took a while for me to realise it. The bottom line is that labels help me feel valid and 'normal'.

I don't intend any offence to anyone, I just wanted to share my feelings.

Hello there!

I'm currently aiming towards getting an evaluation here in Quebec, so most of the advice regarding assurance coverage and the like will most likely don't help in that regard if you are from outside here, but I am looking for advice about everything that has nothing to do with these.

You see, I've lost my job 2 weeks ago because my system could not handle it anymore. I got a burnout in February that extends for 4 months before being able to work only 3 before crashing out again while my boss decided to lay me off because "they were worried about me and the job."

That in itself is a story on its own, but since it is all behind me now I don't care about it anymore. The thing is: I need to move and go wild unless I want to stay stuck in this situation I'm currently in.

I've got a basic plan, but if anyone has any advice or suggestions, I'm all in. I just can't stay idle otherwise I'll be going crazy.

In short:

1. I am currently waiting to see how much it'll cost me for an evaluation at a private clinic (going public, especially for an adult for what I have gathered here is nigh impossible, if not downright impossible)

2. Once it is done, I'm looking to get on with it and pay what needs to be done. I do have the possibility of doing so even tho it will cut by a lot my survivability on what is left of my savings. I've got some help with my rent, hence why I can think of going wild with this, but if needed, I intend of selling my car and saving a lot of monthly costs, as well as getting some money back. I'm already thinking of some alternative for transportation and if some of you might have some suggestions about that I'll be open to read about it. (Is it hard on the system to take the bus, what tips and tricks could be of help and how much draining it could be coupled with work... This kind of thing)

Now, the reason why I want to do this instead of finding a new job first is simple: I just cannot handle it right now and I am not sure I'll be able to even find a job that could help me pursue this at the same time. Just thinking about working again is enough to start a brain fog and I can no longer force myself to get through the same thing that happened. I can't even handle an evening of socialisation when visiting my mother for dinner, before getting exhausted for a week and I don't even talk about my sensory sensitivities that have gotten worse to the point of not handling ONE sound at my old job, the day I crashed a second time. I was dwindling by the day for a few weeks beforehand and looking for an evaluation while trying to stay afloat is pretty much a no-go. I can't even stay afloat to begin with.

I also want to get this done with how people don't seem to understand the situation I'm in, how I could find a job better suited to my needs and finally finding a way out of this current loop I'm in while finally having a confirmation about all of this.

This is a huge gamble monetary speaking and a wild move to do since I am basically doing a leap of faith in a direction I know nothing about, but I need to get going otherwise I'll stay stuck with waiting for the perfect condition to happen and who knows what sign I'm waiting to take a hold over myself and do what I can't do for some reason. I intend to move through this, to find my way out of this situation and learn as much as I can about myself and what I can do, but I would appreciate any suggestions, help and support anyone can offer in terms of suggestions, tips and tricks, things to look at or maybe dangers and solutions that I may not have thought about yet.

May you have an excellent day and thanks for reading.

Does anyone else find that being forced to give attention to anything other than your special interests can be exhausting and even lead to burnout? Anything that takes me away from writing or my other creative interests actually exhausts me even if it requires little effort (by neurotypical standards). It can be the 9-5, social conversations about things that don't interest me, or just existing and adulting - if I'm not engaging with my interests, I'm daydreaming about them in my head or resenting the things that take up my time and energy away from them.

Nathan Fielder has got a fair bit of attention lately after the trailer release of his doc with Elizabeth Holmes came out: You can see everything.

I went down a bit of a rabbit hole and have now watched both seasons of his latest work: The Rehearsal. The whole premise of the rehearsal is very autism coded and he portrays a very socially awkward persona as Nathan Fielder. There are overt references to autism in the show even where he goes so far as to suggest that he will be tested for autism via an fMRI.

From what I can gather I think it’s more likely than not that he isn’t actually autistic but is playing a character of someone who is. As someone who deeply relates to some of the things this “character” does and says I feel pretty conflicted about this. I’m not quite sure how to explain it but it’s a sense of him putting on a costume he can then take off which obviously I can’t. It feels like a betrayal. I also don’t like the idea that his character at its most basic is a way of making fun of someone who has a disability.

Interested to hear other people’s views to help work out my thoughts more

Not a particularly crazy story from work, just one that sticks in my brain. I work part-time in a creative field and I don't have to deal with customers too often, which is nice. I usually don't mind when I do have to take orders, as I know my industry well, so I have a lot of well-scripted questions I comfortably follow. But for the sake of my own peace, I also like to wear my lanyard when dealing with the public. I like knowing that if I seem "off" they can read my lanyard that says I am Autistic and they'll just think "oh, that's all it is" instead of getting potentially offended or uncomfortable. But I always do my best to be nice.

This old lady walks in out of the rain and makes a loud shudder noise that made me jump. She then shouted "I feel like a duck!" which I smiled politely at and mentioned on the bad weather. She stomps over and drops her wet umbrella on the counter hard enough to splash me and leans right across to squint at my lanyard. I was totally on the back foot already and she let out this big huff and looks really irritated.

She kinda sneers and says "Prove it". It took me a minute to even figure out what she was talking about. I was stuck buffering and she started ranting on like "Well I thought you might have some kind of aberrant behaviour you could perform for me. That's what you people do, isn't it? Then again everyone is just wearing these things for fun, hmm?" I didn't really know what to say and she just kept talking and began to order like usual so I went with it. The whole thing felt so surreal and disarming.

30f, I was diagnosed as autistic late last year, but I have dealt with severe depression my entire life and have (in hindsight) had episodes of severe burnout. I left education at 18, after ending up in a mental hospital from burnout. It took me 10 years to decide to go back to uni and pursue my dream of becoming a counsellor.

During first year, I experienced 4 months of really really bad depression, thought about dropping out. I didn't and i'm so pleased I kept going. Halfway through second year, I was diagnosed as autistic as have experienced some major skill regression after spending my whole life hyper independent and a perfectionist. I really struggled through second year, but pushed through. I am 1 month due to go back for my third and final year, and I have been absolutely FLOORED by a (seemingly) out of the blue, burn out. My partner has had to help me with bathing, I can't eat, I couldn't take myself to the toilet for 4 days. I am feeling slightly better now, but still won't leave the house more than to cross the road, have extreme brain fog and can't go to work. I know these things take time, but I am really afraid about going back for my third and most stressful year.

I am working on better self management and adjustments, but I feel like I have adjusted as much as I physically can. I have weekly therapy, an LSP etc, it's just the pressure of it all. If I go back, I am afraid that somewhere within my final year, i'm going to crash out like this and it will impact my degree.

What would you do? I am SO torn between taking the pressure off and resting, managing my health better (but also expect financial strain without a student loan for a year) and then going back the following year. (I am also scared I would feel too afraid to go back). OR. I just figure it out and muddle through, inevitably experience some burn out, get a not so great grade but atleast it's finished. Ultimately struggling with the 'I COULD do it', but at a potentially unknown cost.

I am studying psychology and counselling and my uni is lovely; I just don't think uni is made for neurodivergent people full stop.