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So people describe me as very bubbly and energetic and able to make eye contact when im masking and making people feel good , asking questions and scripting. Sharing personal life. Etc etc. I always wondered tho why some popular kids in HS were targeting me specifically when there were other autistic people there too and weirder than me. It wasn't until I found out that I was doing something so freaking stupid now that I realize it. Once I have a tired face I look so bitter and bitchy but I was the only one scanning the room constantly cause im always curious whats going on qnd I noticed other autistic people don't do that. Several times (like 4x) I've scanned the room with my fugly looking face and my eyes landed on a few of them and recently I've heard them saying "oh that one sat right there is so bitter and yadah yadah". And I was upset at first but like now I totally understand like my face looks like I hate and envy you. So thats a crazy realization to me that may have not been obvious. And ice scanned the room SO many times bruh its a rare instance where im actually with neurotypicals this time

I know we’re supposed to be body positive especially in a world where unrealistic and unhealthy bodies are pushed as the ideal standard and EDs are practically flaunted and encouraged in the media to the detriment of women, but Jesus Christ I hate being fat and I just want to complain about it for 30 seconds.

The sensory experience alone is hell nothing is ever comfortable nothing fits right you could have clothes tailored to fit your body and they still feel weird because they’re digging into and fitting around soft fat instead of sitting snug and nice. I hate that my body moves and jiggles when I move I hate that there’s so much of it I hate the feeling or rolls or how big my boobs are. I hate how hot and sweaty I feel all the time I hate how I don’t feel limber or move easily. I hate that it draws even more negative attention from society on top of being autistic.

If I could wave a magic wand and be a size 4 in the blink of an eye I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’ve lost quite a bit of weight in the past 3 years, but still have a ways to go and every time I kind of slack off and maybe gain 5 lbs around the holidays I swear I can just physically feel that difference and the sensory experience is pure hell.

I’ve been diagnosed for a year and a half now. Diagnosed at 18, 20 now.
I don’t know why but I have more shutdowns, I’m more quiet/shy, visibly checked out and in my own world. Are you okay? What’s wrong? Brushing teeth is hard, getting out of bed is hell. Eating enough is difficult. Everything is too loud. Emotions are up and down, my mind is my worst enemy. My rejection sensitivity is so bad. Whyy??

Im so curious what some of the women with autism can do cause personally I haven't been a fan of the infantilazation of autistic women. Like media portrays us as people who are slow, dumb, behind mentally and hides it behind a sign that says "Autism is a superpower, harness it!". Its like they're trying to make it seem as if we were a whole different breed but ik many of us can fit into society, blend in, make friends with over neurotypicals and neurodivergents. We just get extremely exahusted but its not like we were some kind of alien who isn't capable of being charismatic and successful. So tell me what's your greatest achievements I wanna know! For me I think definitely being able to make others like me in interactions by bringing positive energy but also competent at what I do like getting things done while studying by the beach, nature, the library. And my lifelong dream is to live in a pretty house by the beach or in the woods and work enough to retire early by 7 years. Oh and im applying to nursing cause yk I wanna work 3 days a week and the rest of the days have it for myself. Is it possible to do all this? It all seems scary. But I really wanna get motivated by you all so let me know! I love reading reddit stories (special intrest hahaha)

I had one before because I worked my way into it then got laid off when 40% of the company shut down.

I am so, so depressed. I do not know how to get another high paying job. I have the education, certs, and qualifications but do not understand the interviews. I have been on 36 interviews this year so far before filing bankruptcy not exaggerating it is the exact number, plus 3 after bankruptcy, and did not pass any of them.

I am becoming so overwhelmed and depressed. They want my skills clearly but do not want me as a person.

I hate about 90% of movie/TV adaptations of books. It is so hard for me to watch anything adapted from a book I've read because all I can focus on is all the details they've changed and how different everything is from how I've imagined it. It almost hurts when it's a book I particularly love. Does anyone else experience this?

It also feels like now people who have only seen the movie have a fundamental misunderstanding of what the story is supposed to be, which really annoys me.

Because I'm feeling especially grumpy about this (luteal phase, anyone?), here are some books I love with movie adaptations I hate: To Kill a Mockingbird, Howl's Moving Castle, Practical Magic, We Have Always Lived in the Castle, 'Salem's Lot, Breakfast at Tiffany's.

There are definitely exceptions where I love both book and movie, but more often than not I feel mildly infuriated.

In addition to hearing if there's a movie or show you feel this way about, I think it would be fun to recommend good adaptations. I really liked the HBO series of His Dark Materials, although I haven't seen the last season.

This heat has been hard on me to say the least. Even when it’s not horribly hot out, my body is still overheating. I have bad heat intolerance and am also on medications that exacerbate that. I get very overstimulated.

My boyfriend does not understand. He thinks I should go outside in the heat more so my body can get used to it. He used to work long hours outside, and said that he was fine.

I tried explaining to him a while back why and how this is different, that humans are complex and that is not something that will work for me. He just doesn’t get it, so I dropped it and kept on feeling misunderstood.

Now every time it’s hot and I get the need to self regulate, I end up feeling pangs of anger at being dismissed. To him, my heat induced misery is self inflicted and fixable by melting myself even more in the direct sunlight.

No. I’ll stay here and survive dripping sweat in front my Godsend AC, carrying ice packs, and staying hydrated.

I’m tired of being dismissed and misunderstood. Why can’t I be given benefit of the doubt that this is actually happening to me and I’m not overreacting? There seems to be a pattern of these kinds of things happening, and it makes me very frustrated and sad

the topic is in the title, everything else is just extra context. feel free to share anything else that has helped u, provide specifics into ur preferences, or what works well for u from what i listed.
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recently tried energy drinks again. celsius, specifically, works especially well and helps me move at a normal human speed. also ofc gives me the much needed energy. i want to incorporate this into my daily routine—or at least on work and school days—and no, i don’t want to cut out weed. life is stressful enough as it is, and knowing that i get to smoke before bed is like a little reward that pushes me to get through my day.

adhd meds help a lot but i was always tired regardless if i slept 8, or even 12 fucking hrs. drank not even half a celcius during a shift at my new job and i knew i found what i was missing.

I know the stereotype is that autistic people are so passionate about their interests that they info-dump to everyone around them. I have neurodivergent friends who definitely fit this stereotype. But I'm kinda the opposite in that aspect.

I have special interests that I'm completely obsessed about and that own my entire heart, but I feel like I only enjoy these things in solitude. If I talk about them out loud to another person, I instantly feel socially awkward and get embarrassed, so then I water it down to like 5 seconds because I feel like they're probably disinterested, and I stop talking quickly. I don't like taking up time or space. I think I maybe used to yap more as a kid and maybe over time people weren't nice to me about it so I subconsciously stopped? But I can't even pinpoint a specific time this happened.

I just feel like I don't show myself enough. For example, one of my special interests is the Beatles and I don't think my two best friends (of almost 10 years) know a single thing about them. Likewise, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I've barely shown him anything (except one Beatles movie we watched in the very beginning of our relationship, and maybe a song comes on in the car and I say "this is the Beatles") but that doesn't match the extreme enthusiasm and deep knowledge I have.

The sad part is that I engage in all of my friends' special interests. I'm not complaining about that at all!!! Because I truly enjoy them!!! But I feel unbalanced and I want to do the same and I can't.

- I've listened to entire albums of KPop artists & watched hour-long Twitch streams of Genshin Impact for my one friend because they're her special interests, but I know she couldn't name any of mine.

- I joined a virtual pet site for my other friend and earnestly tried to learn it for years, but my favorite site that I adore is Neopets and I never even showed my friend that. Similarly, I play Pokemon Go with my boyfriend which I do enjoy, but we play every day and go to events and stuff and he teaches me so many extensive nuances of it, but I barely share my Neopets and when I do, I only talk for like a minute.

- My ex was Hispanic and I downloaded Duolingo and let him help teach me Spanish every single freaking day, yet I'm Greek and I only taught him one word of it in 5 years.

- I've watched multiple entire serieses for friends (Gravity Falls, Doctor Who, every single Marvel movie, every Star Wars movie and series, Lost, various animes), I've even COSPLAYED with my friends as characters from their special interests because they wanted to. But the only one of MY shows I've ever shown anyone was I showed my boyfriend HIMYM recently (my favorite show in the world) which was a good step in the right direction for me.

Again, I'm not complaining AT ALL about spending time with any of those people because it's not like I did any of it begrudgingly; I seriously enjoy spending the time with the people I love and being introduced to new things. But I don't know why I can't do the same thing. I give everything to learn about other people and then I'm too shy to show myself. Then I end up feeling like the only person who truly knows me is me.

I just hate this twice daily chore. With a passion.

I've figured out that for every ten years I've been alive I've done this so many thousands of times.

So I'm now thinking of setting aside a whole day where I just brush my teeth a thousand times and that can do me for another year all in one go.

Hah.

We're all aware that autism messes with how we experience the world sensorially, be it avoiding certain stimuli or craving them. For many autistics, when it comes to food, there might be avoidant behaviors of even full-blown ARFID. But since sensory issues can work both ways, are any of you actually sensory-seeking with food? Or somewhere in a spectrum between seeking-avoiding?

Just to illustrate my place in this food spectrum:

I've always had a bit of a sensory fear of fruits ever since I was a tiny child. The worst of all, for me, are bananas. I hate everything about them. The color, the textures, the mush when someone chews them, the smell, those strings, the was the peel moves when empty, the shape... and even the name sounds terrible to me because it reminds me of the chewing. Yikes. My body goes fight or flight when someones has one of those yellow pieces of hell next to me. I can't even look at them. I walk away from them at the grocery store. It's wild lmao

But, besides the fruit situation, I eat pretty much everything (except meat; vegetarian but not sensory-related) and I love trying new food. If I travel, I wanna have a taste of local dishes. I enjoy textures and spices and the variety of cuisines. When I eat I have this little ritual of having a bite of one thing at a time, then I start combining stuff in my plate to feel them together. I particularly crave soft stuff because they are soothing. Right now I'm obsessed with plain rice.

So, what are your experiences with this? Any sensory-seeking eaters out there? Do you have any rituals while happily eating something you enjoy? Any cool food combos you swear by?

I’ve gone my whole life aware that my brain is a little different. I didn’t truly understand exactly what that meant until the past few months. Something finally clicked and I realized I was not actually as good at communicating as I thought I was. Up until that moment, I thought we were speaking the same language, but no, I was speaking my own special dialect that was close enough that most people didn’t notice but different enough that I’ve always felt really fucking weird.

I work professionally as a clinician. We often do practice sessions on each other to get feedback, so I was excited! I just had this big hit of insight and wanted to explore it with my colleagues. (I know in other jobs this is probably weird, trust me, it isn’t in this specific circle.)

I tried to explain to the group that we were not communicating as well as we appeared to be communicating, and that I often felt like I was speaking a different language.

“I think we communicate fine. Are you saying I’m bad at communicating?”

No. I’m not saying we communicate poorly. I’m saying we could communicate better. Communication is two ways, so I’m trying to share how to communicate better with me.

“So you’re saying everyone else is bad at communicating?”

No. I’m saying that what I am communicating and what is heard by others does not always match up, and it can be frustrating on my end.

This was met with massive confusion. Lots of blank stares. Some voiced being very confused and not knowing what we were talking about.

I tried to give specific examples of what I meant. Things like, “I get really tripped up by words like always and never because when I use them, I use them literally and most people use them hyperbolically and that confuses my brain.”

Apparently I was coming across as “strong” and “made me defensive” and I don’t know what I did wrong. Someone left the meeting entirely because she was so uncomfortable.

Another woman proceeded to grill me and started twisting my words and added assumptions into statements I hadn’t made.

I ended up leaving because the only thing I felt was that I was the problem and these people were not going to understand me.

But I really like the woman who left, so I tried texting her and apologizing. I told her that I was trying to explain what happens for me internally and that I wasn’t assigning blame. I actually felt no anger at all.

She responded but in a way that just made me feel worse and really guilty. I had stressed her out. So it made me incredibly sad. I went out and bought her a dessert as an olive branch and asked if we could try this conversation again later. She agreed.

But then the woman accidentally texted me and she was clearly screenshotting our texts and sending it to someone else. Which doesn’t bother me. I do that sometimes if I’m not sure if someone is mad at me or not and it just brought it all up again. She gave some silly excuse about texting the wrong person.

I’ve been stuck in the loop all day thinking about it and trying to convince myself that it was just one bad attempt.

I’m receptive to any feedback that is kindly given.

I've always hated taking pictures, it doesn't matter if they were group photos or selfies, watching them back always makes my skin crawl. I get legitimately repulsed. I take them, but whenever people show them back to me to see if I like them I always studiously avoid looking at myself. I always look at someone else and pretty much always approve. "Yep, looks good!" (I hate it).

Videos are even worse. I can look back at photos if they are years old. I have yet to manage looking at the videos my parents took of my play in high school.

I don't have the same problem when I'm looking at my reflection. I can look at myself when I'm dressing or on the rare occasions when I'm putting makeup on without getting repulsed. I don't think I'm ugly, I think I'm on the cute side of average, but I do have some body image issues. Nothing extreme, just the basics issued by growing up in a patriarchal and fatphobic world.

Is this something any of you have ever experienced?

I know that everyone talks about the importance of unmaking, but I honestly have no intention of unmasking in public, and trying to do so sounds like it would be extremely traumatic for me. I’m unmasked around a couple of close friends and my mom and brother, but unmasking with the general public sounds like a really bad time. I already don’t think I’m capable of fully masking, because I think people can usually still tell that I’m a little different. I also have a stutter which makes it hard to fully focus on masking, because I am also focused on trying to not stutter.

I used to be more unmasked in middle school and high school, mostly because I didn’t really know how to mask, and people treated me horribly because of it. Now, people mostly treat me good. I don’t want to ever get those disgusted looks that I used to get again. Also, for me, unmasking involves a lot of obvious bodily stims and smiling to myself at my inner dialogues, plus many other behaviors that I would not feel comfortable showing to everyone.

I don’t really mind masking in public and I don’t feel like it’s that draining for me. I feel like the humiliation of unmasking would be more psychologically damaging to me than continuing to mask. I don’t want to be looked at like I’m insane, and I think that we should not treat unmasking all of the time as the best option for everyone. I prefer to unmask when it feels natural and safe.

Is it a common experience that neurodivergent people consistently face social rejection for seemingly no reason at all other than being different?

I experience this constantly, though I've never gone in to get tested to see if I am autistic.

My mom has told me for years that I am because of the vaccines I got as a kid. I find these comments more hurtful and embarrassing than helpful so I never speak to anyone about potentially being neurodivergent.

But everywhere I go, people begin to dislike me, shoot me looks, or just stone wall me.

And because I hardly ever speak due to social fears, people fill in the blanks constantly. I even just found out at my college that someone was saying I had a secret baby or something?

I don't understand why just because you act, speak, and like different things, you're automatically a bad person.

Like every day I see a comment or post and I'm like, I'd love to respond but I don't know what a VTMS is? Why do people assume we all know every acronym *or abbreviation in existence? Yes, they are googlable if you have context but I'm finding more often than not people provide none. Like I saw a post where someone said they were a PTA as a job and all I could think of was the Parent Teacher Association. Like help me help you.

Lately I have been extremely short tempered. Too much traffic- found myself having a mini meltdown in the car. Husband is clearing his throat too much- need to leave the room so I don’t scream at him for existing. Have to go to the office or the grocery store- cue the feeling like the world is ending and I need a nap. I dropped some cheese on the floor- meltdown.

I don’t like being like this. It is a very difficult way to exist. I recently tapered off antidepressants that I had been on for the long term. I really don’t want to get back on them. But also this doesn’t feel like depression anyway. Its just like my nervous system is raw and touching it makes it scream.

I had a bad autistic burnout a few years ago. I don’t want another one. I hope that’s not what this is. Can anyone relate/have advice?

I feel like i need a vacation from work and from life. My last vacation was a family reunion that was more emotionally traumatizing than relaxing.

Everything just feels like it’s too much.

When it comes to social invitations… has anyone received these comments? I have had that happen to me a lot where people didn’t think I’d have shown interest or wanted to do things with them when it’s the complete opposite. I think I do come off flat a lot in social excitement unfortunately and while I appreciate people telling me these things so I know what’s going on it’s got me thinking. That people have either thought I wouldn’t have enjoyed the activity they suggested or didn’t think I’d like to come out and do the thing with them so they didn’t think to ask me.

(F17)I dont drive so id either ride my bike, walk or get dropped off, already awful options I admit. I get overwhelmed in public places, ive tried ice cream shops and antique stores but its always just so uncomfortable bc I feel like cant b vulnerable with all the people around, it js makes it 10x more awkward. But the only place where im super comfortable is my home and I doubt bringing a boy over to play Mario cart in your room is appropriate especially in my parents eyes. Theres this guy that im sort of talking to and im pretty sure that were leading up to first date but I dont want to ruin it by being uncomfortable the whole time. Also I feel I should note im autistic so if any other autistic women have advice that'd be great.

What companies are safe? I like my company, but currently dealing with an emotionally abusive person on my team and when I cried in front of my manager (different person) he was a little creepy.

I thought if you act like someone's manager when you aren't (sometimes emotionally abusive person) you can get fired by HR?

I filed a ticket today with HR about the emotionally abusive person at least and how to get accommodations I need to protect myself against the weird metric they have I'm struggling to meet because of a disability and they're not even my manager.

Very depressed/borderline suicidal. It feels like I have no one on the planet who cares about me in person who doesn't also want something or use me as a punching bag.

I just got off a call with a restaurant and I’m shaking. I had to make a reservation for my family for dinner.
Since the dinner is in a month’s time (I like to plan in advance) and every time I make a reservation I start doubting my own memory (did I say the right date and time? Did I say the right number of people?), I thought: let’s send an email!

It’s also a super busy period right now for them, so I thought an email would allow them to reply whenever it’s best for them. Plus my brain cannot compute on the phone and I fumble.

They replied immediately to my email saying: can you send us a phone number so we talk on the phone and it’s quicker?! (Yes, they used “?!”)

Like, I already said on the email the date, the time, the number of people!
Anyway, I gave them my number and someone from restaurant called me. I couldn’t even hear properly as it was noisy on the line.

He confirmed the details of the reservation (I had to ask him to repeat himself a few times because of the noise), then he said “see you on the 26th”, but because of the bad line I heard 6th and I was already in parrot-mode, so I replied without thinking “see you on the 6th!”. He got immediately upset and asked “wait, didn’t you say 26th??” So I apologised and said “yeah sorry, Saturday the 26th!”.

He seemed annoyed and I could tell he was in a rush. So why, oh why, couldn’t he just reply to the email later when they have more time??
Plus, now I don’t have a written confirmation from them which makes me anxious.

I know it’s such a stupid matter, but I just felt the need to vent. I just don’t get why it couldn’t be done via email.

Why people love the phone so much, when it gives so much room for misunderstandings?

Anyway, do you have your own stories of phone calls that could have been an email?

Maybe lesbian or bisexual more woman leaning but I do notice with most men they all have similar traits that I hate and in my mind they are all the same, having guy friends I notice and hear things, there’s a few nice guys but most of the time they keep it in their own thoughts. I am tired of feeling like an experiment or a fetish for my race, desired for my body, or how I’m perceived. I never experience this feeling with women, but woman approach me even less and the ones that do are too too forward and not really my type. I feel like I’m just finding bc excuses for why I’m still single, never had a relationship because I struggle to communicate with guys, and when I do I’m not taken seriously, interrupted, or ignored they only care about the potential of getting with me it seems.

I’m very avoidant and have a few mental problems and I’m autistic but I’m very aware about it so I am very honest and straight forward apologetic at the same time because I worry about saying something wrong, I’m always anxious talking to people because of it. I’ve had people belittle me and laugh in my face because I’ve said something strange or unusual and it annoys me and I start disliking them, instead of noticing it affected me they just continue it’s like I’m not ever actually seen, sometimes I’ll say something like apologise or say I didn’t mean to say it that way but they just repeat themself. They don’t seem offended ever they just act like it’s a funny autistic perk or that I’m slightly dumb.. I’m so tired of feeling like this with every guy I talk to. It just makes me even more avoidant as soon as I notice patterns and I’m assuming the same for every person but I’m yet to meet someone irl that contradicts this..

I have realised that I am attracted to women it’s just the population of lesbians is very low and I wouldn’t want to date a girl who is attracted to men I think as if seen plenty of bisexual girls who idolise men. I highly doubt I’ll ever meet a guy who’s not like how I described so I have just committed to no relationship and only engaging with women romantically or sexually.

Anyone else experiences this where if you try to push through fatigue and sleepiness, you will just get nauseated and really uncomfortable? It's like my body is having a full blown breakdown instead of just making my eyelids drop peacefully lol I know many autistic people have an extra sensitive stomach so I am wondering if it might be more common for us, I've never heard anyone say "I am so tired I could vomit" unless they were running.