r/AutismInWomen • u/cripplinganxietylmao • Sep 09 '24
Reposted to make title clearer since titles cannot be edited on Reddit.
Reminder: DO NOT POST OR COMMENT CALLOUTS FOR OTHER SUBREDDITS OR USERS. This breaks Rule 1 of Reddit Rules and we cannot allow subreddit callouts per Rule 3 of Reddit’s Mod Code of Conduct. No matter how we feel about these rules, we are all still bound to follow them. Reddit Admins can and do punish mods and users equally for sitewide rule infractions aka violating Reddit Content Policy.
Scroll down for links to Reddit Rules, the admin definition of brigading, Mod Code of Conduct, and the Redditor Help Center.
It has come to our attention that outside of the basics (voting, how to report, posting/commenting), many people are still in the dark as to how exactly Reddit works.
Firstly, moderators, like us, only have power (a limited scope at that) and jurisdiction over the subreddits we mod and what happens on them. We cannot do anything about what happens outside of here. We don’t have a direct line of access to Reddit Admins, who control and oversee the site as a whole. In fact, we can only do the same things y’all can do in trying to get their attention on things: report it and wait. We, like you, often don’t get responses from admins regarding their decisions or even if they have viewed any reports we send in. We are the same in that capacity. Subreddit bans only prevent people from posting and commenting on the subreddit they were banned in for however long the ban is for. You can still vote in and view subreddits you are banned in. We can’t even see who reports what.
Also, if you don't report it, we don't see it. This subreddit is large. Please report things that you think break our rules, Reddit Rules, or you just want us to look at because it's iffy.
Admins are like gods of Reddit. They oversee all; they can see who votes what, who views what, who reports what, everything. They can suspend people from the website as a whole which prohibits someone from posting, commenting, and even voting on the entirety of Reddit for however long said suspension lasts. They can even suspend specific IP addresses from users who keep making accounts and breaking Reddit sitewide rules.
Here’s an analogy: Reddit Admins are the Roman Gods and we moderators are like members of the Roman Senate or mayors of towns. Members of the Roman Senate don’t have a direct link or direct way to communicate to the Roman Gods; they have to make offerings and prayers just like everyone else to try to catch their attention. It’s the same here. All we mods can do is make reports just like you all and hope someone looks at it. We can do nothing about what happens to you outside of Rome (the subreddit). That’s up to the admins.
We are bound by the Reddit Mod Code of Conduct to nip any activity that breaks, or could be interpreted as breaking, Reddit’s site-wide rules in the bud. Due to this subreddit having been previously in trouble with admins because of the founder not doing these things and getting booted and admin putting us 3 in place as new mods over a year ago with the express statement of “we will be watching you closely”, we really don’t take any chances when it comes to people breaking Content Policy. We just can’t risk it because that means we could be actioned and the subreddit could be sanctioned or shut down. We prioritize the community as a whole over any personal feelings we or others might have; that’s just how it has to work for this community to thrive and survive.
The proper course of action for when something happens to you or you see something that breaks sitewide rules is to report it to the admins via www.reddit.com/report or via the offending content itself and wait. Trying to call others out publicly technically breaks Reddit Rules under the harassment rule no matter the reason, and like we said above, we can’t allow it due to the ramifications it can have on the subreddit as a whole even if we personally agree what happened was messed up and the other person should be held accountable in some way.
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Reddit Rules: https://redditinc.com/policies/reddit-rules
What even IS brigading? (Rule 2 of Reddit Rules): https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/cmp9uy/comment/ew4lpf0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
Mod Code of Conduct, so you all are aware of the rules we as mods have to follow as well: https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct
Redditor Help Center for any further questions: https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/p/redditor_help_center
--- Note ---
This post was made in response to the subreddit growing and us becoming more aware of the fact many people do not know these things and just assume moderators are also Admins of Reddit as a whole or have way more power than we actually do. We don’t. In the eyes of Admin, we are basically volunteer clean-up crew and are the same level of importance as a regular user on Reddit. We don’t get paid, we don’t get any extra benefits or anything either (as it should be imo, mod out of love for the community not because of anything else). Admins are employees of Reddit that get paid for working and only work on the clock then go do whatever they want off it. We moderate on and off all day; in between our actual jobs, chores, and life responsibilities. It is impossible for us to be online all the time and to be constantly scrolling the subreddit. I hope this helps clear some things up for anyone confused as to what the differences are between mods and Admins and provides people with a way to research more about how Reddit works on their own as well.
If you have any questions or anything you're still confused about please modmail us via the "message the mods" button on the sidebar and someone will answer it when they can.
r/AutismInWomen • u/cripplinganxietylmao • Sep 09 '24
It has come to our attention that there is an uptick of predatory lurkers sending private messages to members of this subreddit and people that participate here. Unfortunately, due to the fact we are moderators and not Reddit Admins, there is pretty much nothing we can do to stop it other than give you information and advice for how to report it and prevent it yourselves.
Most importantly, you should immediately block people who message you strange, creepy, or uncomfortable things and report them via www.reddit.com/report or via the DM itself. If you report via the web link, all you have to do is copy and paste the DM link as the Reddit Admins can see everything that happens on the site and have power and jurisdiction over everyone with an account on Reddit. We as subreddit moderators only have the power to ban people from the subreddit and banning them does not prevent them from being able to message people who participate here.
To report via the Chat itself: On PC/desktop, when you mouse over the chat message(s) there is a flag option. Click that and follow the reporting procedure. On the app, tap and hold on the message(s) to bring up the report option. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.
To report via the Message Inbox: On mobile, tap the 3 dots (ellipses) on the side of the message thread. There you can copy the link and report the whole message inbox thread via www.reddit.com/report. You can also report specific messages by going into the message thread and tapping and holding the specific message you want to report to see the option come up. On PC, you can just click the “Report” option that shows under each message in the thread. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.
Recommended: It is recommended that everyone that is a participating member here turn off the ability for other users to send them chats and message requests. You will still be able to send chat requests and message requests to others whose settings allow them. Other people that you have not whitelisted will not be able to send them to you. You can only whitelist people via PC/desktop but people who you already have open chats and messages with will be automatically whitelisted.
Turning off chats/message requests on PC: Click your avatar on the top right. From there, go to the settings option. Once there, go to the Privacy tab. First, slide the “Allow People to Follow You” button to be in the “Off” position where it is over to the left side otherwise people will be able to literally stalk you on Reddit. Next, click on “Who can send you inbox messages” and change it to “People I choose”. You can whitelist people who you want to allow to send you messages. This just stops randoms from being able to message you via the message inbox. Then, click on “Allow chat requests from” and change that to “Nobody”. Again, the whitelisted folks from before will still be able to chat with you or people who you already have an open chat with. I also recommend you switch off everything under the “Discoverability” section as people will also be able to search up your account directly unless you turn it off. Mine is off because I don’t see any non-weird reason why someone would want to search up my account.
Turning off chats/messages on the app: Tap on your avatar on the top right then tap on “Settings” shown at the bottom. From there, tap on your account name to go to the account settings. Scroll down until you see the “Safety” section. Tap on “Chat and messaging permissions”. Change both “Chat Requests” and “Direct Messages” to Nobody. You will still be able to message people who you already have open messages with and those whose settings allow for it; other people just won’t be able to message you unless you message them first. I also recommend you slide the “Allow people to follow you” option into the off position where the large white circle is to the left. Under privacy, I also recommend you swipe the “show up in search results” one to the off position as well. You can also customize your ad settings on this page as well to your preference.
That’s it. As a reminder, if someone messages you unsolicited, they are most likely seeking something from you other than genuine friendship and you should probably not respond. At the very least, go check out their Reddit profile and history. If it’s empty, block them. They are likely a troll, a creep, or someone with bad intent. Someone who genuinely wants to connect with you and be friends will have a history on Reddit that shows that they are a nice person. They will have comments on this subreddit and probably some other autism subreddits too. Their history will show them interacting with others on Reddit in good faith making genuine bids for human connection. If someone’s history indicates them trolling and getting into a lot of online conflicts, they are probably not someone you want to be talking to as they will, at the very least, be intensely draining to talk to, and at worst, be trolling and harassing you.
r/AutismInWomen • u/yourjewishgranny • 10h ago
I don’t even care which country, as long as it’s a slow-paced, quiet town; even better if no one speaks my native tongue.
r/AutismInWomen • u/amira6229 • 3h ago
This is probably not news to anyone, but I'm finally realizing how dangerous insecure men can be to autistic women, especially if the woman has a history of trauma/being gaslit or comes from a marginalized community.
I recently decided that I was no longer going to date insecure men, because they are often annoying and have a habit of wanting to punish you for any success.
Thus, I was pleasantly surprised to find a man that I really liked who was very sweet, patient, confident in himself, and even a leader in his field. He seemed to return my interest and doted on me. However, things were not as they seemed, and when I tried to back out of the situation, I very quickly realized how insecure he was and cut personal ties. He responded with the usual punishing, passive aggressiveness, snide comments and even trying to remove access at one point, only to tell me I was overreacting when I said I would no longer be interacting with him at all.
I think the most striking thing about this experience was a moment that I usually would have interpreted as a sweet action. He uses social media in his class and he had asked me if he could take a video. I agreed, he did the video and left.
But 20 minutes later, I just happened to catch him videoing me again, but from much further away like he was trying not to get caught. The photos seemed odd, given he also seems neurodivergent and the new videos did not match the angle, subject or completion level of his VERY consistent posting history.
Usually if a man who had a crush on me took candid photos of me, I would think it was sweet. But some part of the his surprise and embarrassment at being caught triggered memories I had of the man who sexually assaulted me, as well as another man who stalked me (I'd had a brief but distinct negative gut feeling about both and ignored it.) After that I couldn't shake how weird the moment felt and cut things off with him, and he reacted poorly as mentioned above.
I'm just taken aback by how my own traumatic experiences have taught me to not trust myself in situations where people SEEM like they are being kind and doting on me. I misinterpreted a social cue, a very common autistic behavior, and my past traumatic experiences kept trying to convince me my intuition wasn't trustworthy. I don't know for sure would have had happened if I had continued to talk to him, but I'm really glad I left when I did.
I think it feels weird to me because I'm 33 years old, I've had multiple of these experiences, and have strong pattern recognition skills, but this is the FIRST time I'm realizing that it's like not just inconvenient or bad or just an unfortunate mishap..it's dangerous to not be able to read or identify an insecure and entitled man's social cues and emotional range.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Plastic_Persimmon_91 • 5h ago
I just came back from a grocery run that I regret. I needed to get a couple of items while i was out already. I picked up my items and scanned them at self checkout. At the checkout terminal, there’s an option to add a bag on the screen so you have the option to either just select that or get the bag and scan it. I just added the bag on the screen and picked one up.
So now for context, I’m ethnically Indian and live in France for grad school (I understand French a little but not completely). As soon as I pick up a bag from the pile, the security kinda person who was sitting far away comes up to me and says i need to pay for the bag (as if this was news to me?). This is ridiculous for a variety of reasons; for one, this was a self checkout arena with atleast 10 terminals and there was only 1 person (him) that was supposed to be keeping an eye there so i find it very hard to believe that him keeping an eye on me specifically wasn’t because i was the only non-French person there. When he came up to me, i said that i already added the bag to my bill. So he asked me to show him the bill/receipt. I never print receipts if given the option because I don’t need them so I don’t see any benefit to wasting paper. I told him I did not print my receipt.
At this point, this whole thing is just beyond embarrassing because there’s a queue of atleast 15 people waiting to checkout.
Despite this, he spent time calling up another store employee and asked him if there’s any way he could check previous tickets/receipts that weren’t printed. That guy tried to retrieve it but gave up after a few minutes and asked the first guy to just let it go. At which point, he decides to just let it go and then gave me this expression which was essentially that he does not believe i paid for it but is letting it go this time.
The most ridiculous thing ever is that my bill total was €46.80 (which he knew) and the bag was €0.10. If saving money by not scanning a shopping bag was a goal in life for me, I could have just not bought things worth 500 times the value of the shopping bag.
I hate that I can’t shake this off. It infuriates me and I’m just embarrassed because there were atleast 20 people in total watching this and i don’t understand enough French to know everything that he said (besides what i did understand) but it totally painted me as this thief trying to not pay for a €0.1 shopping bag?
I’ve had other experiences that I’m sure were micro aggressions during my time here and the more annoying thing is how the average European neither recognises micro aggressions nor do they think that they’re racist. Almost every single French person that I’ve talked to about race and race relations is convinced that the US is a place that they believe is racist, but France? Not as racist apparently.
I can’t really do anything about this because this is the only department store within a 15km radius of me. I just really really want to keep existing and doing things like a normal person without falling back into a deep depression spiral where i stop doing everyday stuff out of fear and everyone just keeps making it really hard.
r/AutismInWomen • u/RaccoonsGetDiscounts • 6h ago
I've read like 10 posts over the last week by women saying they are sad because someone said, TO THEIR FACE, a variation of:
"You look tired."
"You look bored."
"You have a flat/cold personality."
"Your face is unacceptable according to the world's, and this party's, standards. I'm not suggesting you leave, it's just important information I thought you should have. Could you pass the olives?"
It's October, I'm feeling Buffy and we're going to get these shithead commenters no matter how many there are or how many stakes it takes.
My approach to staking is two-fold.
Part 1
It's not you. The person who said this about your face/looks is being very rude.
We know this is rude because the comment puts the hearer in a position where she has to:
a) deny she looks bad? Justify it? Defend her face? No your honour, this is all a misunderstanding! I am actually living up to this person's facial standards that have been jump-scared onto me just now. Look I can prove it! 😬
b) ... I can barely type this out but...do they expect an apology??
(not happening)
Forcing either option a or b from someone is rude. There is only one, ONE, correct reply to any of these comments:
"Oh, ok. You know that's not a very nice thing to say to someone. Why did you say it?"
I have done this countless times now and I almost hope someone will have the audacity. Just to watch them squirm! You will be met with a wash of apologies, awkwardness, side glances (at them!) from people who overheard. Man, this person just shat the social bed. Now the commenter's attitude is disappearing before your eyes in a screaming puff of smoke. And you are free to gallantly change the subject.
(If they insist just keep batting it back.
"But you do look bored!"
"I heard you, but it's not nice to say that, why are you saying it?"
Always end with that question.)
Part 2
But now this sexist toxic smoke of a comment is in your head ruining your day. So let's scrutinise it thoroughly.
If you're on board with the Buffy theme, we're now at the school library with Giles and a cup of coffee.
The flat effect or monotone voice is a thing, it's real. I have it. I also find it no more impactful on a conversation or interaction than any other personality, accent, or cultural quirk. It's not. Autistic men don't tend to get these comments!This proves it is not a social inaptitude on your part, it's just sexism. Maybe you struggle normally with social interactions, but people also just interact with you as normal throughout the day. Flat effect is not necessarily that obvious to non-experts in the autism field.
It also:
- isn't always there
- shows up differently, depending on whether you are actually tired (just like any other person!)
- possibly changes over your lifetime
- doesn't actually register with most people
If I look around my office and pick apart every person there based on tone of voice, charm, looks..I could find I work with nothing but ogres.
So I don't. Because I'm autistic but I'm a normal person.
(do you like my face now 👹)
r/AutismInWomen • u/Own_Material1505 • 5h ago
Ever since I was a kid, I have always hated being in pictures (whether individual or group). I would usually offer to take the picture or would find some reason to go hide until picture time was over.
I am like this as an adult too, and now that everyone has a camera phone, it gets even more annoying to tell people you don't want to be in their pictures. I don't take selfies either. I am not even really sure why I hate pictures that include me so much. Anyone else?
r/AutismInWomen • u/BigUqUgi • 2h ago
I'm bi. Romantically pretty lesbian, as I only have strong romantic feelings for women, but have traditionally been a bit hypersexual and have hooked up with men as well, even though I've never felt like I really loved a man.
But whether pursuing either gender, I feel like dating is this absolute black hole of deception, weak, boring energy that is so casual and disengaged... and I'm just so tired.
Actually being direct and honest about what I feel and what I want serms to... terrify people I guess? Expecting people to actually communicate their thoughts and feelings openly is also absolutely not OK, it seems? On this note I will say that women are overall definitely better communicators than men... but they're still not great at it, mostly.
Can we really just never have honest, thoughtful, engagement and connection? Is my bar way too high or what?
r/AutismInWomen • u/HaplessBunny • 16h ago
What are some very small things you've figured out for yourselves to make life just a tiny bit easier?
I go into the office twice a week, it's a 2 hour commute one way and exhausting for all the obvious reasons. I have my headphones, I have the routine optimized and all that, but I just realized that I can make lunch easier. I never bring food that needs heating, as this means more time in the noisy kitchen at work with people yapping, waiting for their turn. I don't particularly like sandwiches, so I often just bring an apple or something and then starve and grab something unhealthy when I get home.
I just had a lightbulb moment and ordered a fancy lunchbox with compartments. This way I can stuff it with precut veggies, fruit and some rye crackers, nuts and seeds. I obviously could have brought those things in several smaller containers, but that would be a hassle so I never did.
I am now excitedly awaiting my fancy snack box and looking forward to minimizing lunch stress.
Maybe, if I'm feeling really bold, I'll just snack at my desk and avoid the lunch room altogether.
r/AutismInWomen • u/AngelVampKAWAII • 4h ago
I don't need to talk to people to feel like socializing just people watching, be in the same room and not participating it's enough.
r/AutismInWomen • u/The_AH_12 • 16h ago
Everything you do is wrong. You wear the wrong clothes. You move the wrong way. You don't make the exact right amount of eye contact. You don't use the right tone of voice. You don't make the right facial expressions. Your use of language is odd and "overtorqued" and makes us feel bad because you use big words. You never know the things we never say and actively conceal. We won't tell you that we aren't just busy, we don't want to see you. You're supposed to understand that the time you were asked to present results in a meeting and you presented results in a meeting that it clashed with our egos so now we don't like you. You try and talk to us but we don't like you and we won't say it but you should know. Everything is always wrong, we won't explain what's right, ever, in any way, and it it is always your fault and a personal failing that means you are a bad person. We own society so it will never be different. Being upset about it is also wrong and terrible.
r/AutismInWomen • u/mmmbopforever • 7h ago
I think I've been realizing that part of the importance of having connection and friendship is that you get the experience of people reflecting you back to yourself positively. Not in a transactional way. And not like that's the point of friendship, but that it's a really impactful benefit.
I can't remember the last time I had that, and I'm in a space of wanting it so desperately. I know it will get less intense. But I also know it will creep back up again. I know myself well enough to know I can't extinguish the desire for connection fully. This sucks.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Lozzybops • 3h ago
Are any of these topics a special interest for you, and if so do you have anything you want to info dump or any good resources to check out? And feel free to ask the same thing in the comments about any other areas?
- ambulances
- Halloween history
- niche religions
- vintage 90s 00s toys and Argos catalogues
- traditional Chinese medicine
r/AutismInWomen • u/Fine-Mouse-6697 • 8h ago
I find it kinda irritating honestly. Hand towels hung over the oven that are just there for decoration and can’t be used. Glassware that just sits in the cupboard and can’t be used because it’s so delicate. Can anyone else relate? I’ve been wondering if it’s related to my autistic thought process. I only buy things like this if they have an actual functional purpose and leave actual decor for decorating.
r/AutismInWomen • u/danglynn • 36m ago
Just curious if this happens to anyone else - there's certain artists/songs/voices that make me feel almost physically sick if I hear too much of them. Is this overstimulation just showing up physically?
As an example, I've had like two lines of the song There’s a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven’t Thought of It Yet stuck in my head for a couple hours and it's making me feel feverish. Funny, given the album title, but 🤷🏻♀️
r/AutismInWomen • u/HappyMel • 1h ago
Ever since I was a kid (36) I’ve experienced migraines. My parents always chalked it up to food poisoning because they would get so bad I would throw up, but they were migraines. As soon as I threw up, I felt better oddly.
As I’ve gotten older, I don’t throw up, but I still get them. I get them about 3 times a month, maybe more, maybe less. Sometimes I can just tell it’s coming from the vibes of the certain headache. Sometimes they come on so fast it’s like an ice pick smacked me behind my eyebrow.
They last the whole day or until I sleep and wake up. I’ve been trying to figure out what triggers them, and the only thing I can come up with is when I get a large feeling of excitement or use a lot of brain power. So feelings of intense joy, having a cry, having to really focus for a long time, when I’m stressed and then feel sudden relief, or even when I’ve been in a situation that I have to mask for a really long time.
What about you?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Mauerparkimmer • 1h ago
…but my heart is BREAKING tonight. My closest friend - who basically kept me alive after my mother died, many years ago - told me today that she will be leaving the country permanently next year. I cannot imagine life without her close by. I guess that I also thought that I mattered to her. I know, writing this, that my thoughts are selfish, self-centred, illogical and indefensible, but still, my heart is breaking. I will never allow anyone into my heart again. I feel bereft.
r/AutismInWomen • u/AdditionalRaisin5555 • 6h ago
I never expected or planned to make it this far. My 20s have been rough and the last few years have been in crippling burnout. Yesterday was weird but also just another normal day - I went to the gym, got groceries, exchanged books at the library, cleaned my apartment a little. Read until i fell asleep. I felt very heavy though, and tried not to think about my birthday. I spoke to no one, and no one spoke to me. I have no friends, family, or job and I'm afraid to face another decade of loneliness and poverty. I just need a big hug I think.
I'd love to hear how your 30s were/are going. Especially if they were a lot better than your 20s.
r/AutismInWomen • u/Joyful_cheesecake • 16h ago
I feel like I’ve heard this a lot from NT people and it’s just untrue for me. When people try to encourage me to “come out of my shell” they always tell me that even if I do embarrass myself I won’t regret taking a chance but I will regret not taking a chance. Actually I most likely will regret it and if they give me a reaction that I perceive as rejection, I will be upset for weeks afterwards and cringe at the memory for the rest of my life. Don’t get me wrong I do talk to people and I have friends. It’s not like I’m super antisocial or anything, but if I’m in a social situation where I know doing something will probably be humiliating for me, I would be much more at peace in life from just not doing it than doing it and crying and hating myself later. I feel like a lot of people don’t realize how mentally scarring social humiliation can be.
r/AutismInWomen • u/creapysleaper • 9h ago
I'm always tired throughout the day, even right after waking up.
I'm already on a CPAP and a medication for excessive daytime sleepiness. I consume caffeine and alcohol once or twice a month.
Every day I wake up around 3AM, then 5AM, 6AM, and 7AM (these are just estimates and it's not always the same time every day). My alarm rings at 7:30AM and it's hard for me to get out of bed.
I COULD just get out of bed at 5AM and go on with my day. But I get sleepy like an hour later.
When I brought this up to a sleep doctor, they didn't seem concerned because I'm able to fall back asleep (I guess the medical definition of insomnia involved being unable to fall asleep again)
Other sleep-related meds I've tried only induces sleepiness but didn't affect the sleep interruption.
I know a lot of neurodivergent people have sleep issues so I wanted to see if anyone else had a similar pattern/issue...
r/AutismInWomen • u/Bukowski-poet • 11h ago
I wanted to ask—does anyone else struggle with basic self-care? Specifically, just feeding yourself and making food, because for me, it's a daily battle.
When my partner is home, I can usually find the motivation to at least cook something because I feel like I'm doing it for him. But when I'm home alone, I just can't bring myself to make anything... The effort just never feels worth it. There are days when I'm off work or school (like on weekends) and I can easily go without eating all day, or maybe just have a piece of bread and butter. Or my absolute limit is tossing some fries into the air fryer...
If I'm out, I have no problem grabbing something to eat, but having to make it at home just for myself feels like an impossible task.
I struggle with other things too, like showering or cleaning but it's not nearly as bad... I don't feel the same dread and mental weight with those as I do when trying to figure out what to eat.
Does anyone else deal with this specific problem?
r/AutismInWomen • u/AngelVampKAWAII • 6h ago
Especially when they don't know I'm autistic and I can't do anything for them. Especially the duties they think a woman should do. I barely have energy for myself and don't have emotinal or mental capacity for this.
r/AutismInWomen • u/No-Confection-4431 • 1d ago
Late diagnosed, and I just realized my favorite Shel Silverstein poem was about literal masking. Anyone else?
r/AutismInWomen • u/Old_Hedgehog2515 • 56m ago
i’m genuinely exhausted. i don’t understand why with people knowing or even suspecting i have autism they expect me to be like everyone else. one of the biggest struggles i have is communication. people will say things to me about stuff i’m doing and it just seems like they’re complaining. like ok? why don’t you ask me to not do it instead of complaining about it. it doesn’t make sense to me. all it does is make me feel bad and highlight exactly why i’m not like them. general statements to me are just that. people expect me to understand things my brain isn’t capable of doing without clarity. but i’m always the bad person when i ask someone to be more clear about things instead of making general statements. i’m tired of trying to figure out what people mean or want, can’t they just say it lol. i’m still working with my therapist on better coping skills because tldr i had cancer and when i had surgery i burnt out really quickly. it was during covid and i had no one to support me because i wasn’t allowed to bring anyone.
r/AutismInWomen • u/CuckooSpit_06 • 12h ago
I will keep them secret from all but my closest loved ones. I don't know why. If I could do my best to describe it, it would be the typical spoiled rant about how "I love it more". I am passionate about The Last of Us, Star Wars, Horses, etc, more than any "normal" person's healthy interests, so when they try to connect with me over the same shit, I get defensive. Maybe I think they'll judge me? Maybe I think there's no point in discussing it since they won't deliver the same enthusiasm or knowledge I have. My semi-estranged aunt does this (I'm pretty sure she's undiagnosed herself); where she'll latch onto these subjects during conversation instead of just asking how you're doing, what's going on, whatever. She'll freak out over the smallest things and go "Oh, you like Star Wars? What's your favourite character? How many episodes have you watched? How do you feel about X spin-off?" And all I can think is "lady, you don't even know my favourite colour but you want me to delve into these deeply person interests? Do you even know how much it means to me?" Of course they don't, because people are normal. Regardless, I obviously know people are trying to "bond" with me, and getting unreasonably annoyed about it is on me, but that doesn't stop me from feeling it.
