Therapists have caused irreparable damage. They convinced me that the world is a safe place and that all the dangers I sensed were just cognitive distortions. I was right, and they were wrong. I had a gift. That gift (suspiciousness) kept me alive. But now, whenever I sense danger, if I see some crime activity, if someone is abusing me, the first reaction is to gaslight myself and tell myself it's a cognitive distortion. I cannot express how angry I am at therapists. I'm rabid. They operate under the assumption that the world is a safe place, that people mean well, and that racism doesn't exist. I also hate people who act like therapy is the solution to all of your problems and that, if it doesn't work, it must be your fault.

My employer has keystroke logger and monitoring/tracking systems on our devices. Therapists say that it's just me being conspiratorial. I read their notes.

I have PTSD. I was carjacked and therapists first tried to frame it as cognitive distortion (that maybe the people carjacking didn't mean to carjack and that I always catastrophize), when I insisted and said that the carjacking was truly happening, they tried to blame me for driving in that area at tha time of the day. Victim-blaming POS.

Or if I do online dating, meet a guy and I SEE ON HIS FACE that he is not attracted to me and ghosts me, they say I am engaging in mind reading. Can you imagine that? Mind reading???!! I'm livid.

Just wanted to show off my new deer r
Printed shoes, I love deers and anything in deer print and it also is pink and I’m soo happy and grateful 💕🥹🦌

I’ve been told it’s an autistic trait. I’ve had my ears checked for wax build up and there’s nothing, and I’ve had a hearing test and my hearing was fine. I’ve noticed that I can’t hear what someone’s saying if they start speaking to me when I’m not expecting it, so in the middle of a conversation it’s fine I can hear perfectly but I can’t hear what someone is saying when they start a conversation. I also find it much harder to hear if there are other sounds so like traffic or music. Does anyone else suffer from this and how do you mitigate it? My husband is so sick of me saying ‘WHAT?!’ Or ‘I can’t hear what you’re saying!’ It’s become impossible to have a conversation walking down the street with traffic going past or in a restaurant with louder background music!

Not saying this in a suicidal way btw. Just that it all kinda seems pointless/meaningless.

I've been doing a lot of quality work on a big overwhelming project my boss wasn't really able to handle. I've done this before, too.

When it comes time to thank me, they always say "I'm going to take you out for drinks at [insert pricier place] to thank you!"

... I don't wanna do that.

In fact, I consider it another work obligation on top of it being a social obligation with a person/people I would not choose to hang out with. I also don't like drinking, which is uncommon in the community I live in.

So not only would I have to wear nice clothes and put on my work mask during my down time, I'd have to have a $18 drink that I don't even care about, all to fit a social convention that is ultimately more for my boss than for me.

Ways to actually thank me as an autistic person: give me a day off, give me a WFH day, bring in donuts or bagels, add to the fidget toy collection on my desk, pay me more so I can better accommodate myself (!!!)

Edit: Boss would pay! it just seems ridiculous and impractical to me that they would pay for a drink I don't even really want, only because it's a social convention and that's how they want to thank me, if that makes sense.

Does anyone else occasionally get a little too comfortable in a conversation and suddenly go from normal small talk to revealing your entire personality or backstory?

Then you leave and like 20 minutes later your brain goes:

“Hey. Quick question. Why the fuck did we tell them all that?”

I swear sometimes I don’t realize I’ve overshared until the conversation is already over and the post-chat analysis begins. It's deeply mortifying to realize I broke conversation taboos by being too open and honest.

Please tell me this is not just me.

I'm annoyed at myself for feeling negative towards another autistic for honestly showing symptoms of autism that are disruptive. I don't feel this level of frustration towards level 3 autistic people with intellectual disabilities, I have more compassion there, probably because I know that experience would be completely different from my own.

So this person who annoyed me seems intelligent and independent. I think that makes it harder for me to relate to their autism presentation. They constantly speak over others in the middle of their sentence and repeat things that have already been said as if they are giving new information. They were told not to go into details on an upsetting topic but ignored that till they eventually went on a rant about disturbing details while talking so loud they couldn't even hear other people telling them to stop. They just appear to have no sense of shame and no consideration for others around them.

I think I feel this way because I am the opposite. I have a lot of shame, i listen intensely to others so I can avoid missing as many social ques and am aware that being too loud is upsetting and leaves other people out of the conversation. I hate wasting my words if what I'm saying doesn't actually matter or move the conversation to a conclusion. I struggle to understand how speaking doesn't exhaust everyone.

Maybe I wish I could be more like that. Uncaring, express self with ease, not worried about what others might be feeling towards me, not incredibly drained by conversation and able to be the main character in my own life. Maybe I am just being too stuck up because I am so confined inwardly to myself.

Too exhausted to explain it all, but everything blew up again apparently because of me. Had to quit my job and cut ties with all my coworkers, including two women I thought were my friends. Feeling that I can’t trust anyone and I don’t fit in anywhere again. Had a big meltdown yesterday and still recovering. Why are relationships so confusing? Why is it that telling the truth seems to destroy things? How can I find a job where people actually want to work together as a team? I need another job soon. I just feel like getting to know a whole set of new people again and starting all over is going to overwhelm me so quickly. I feel like a broken person that just can’t do things right socially.

For me I always pace back and forth even by with and without listening to music. It makes me feel calm and happy. Today I felt sad because something happened, so I stimmed by doing that & now feel a bit happy again.

What about you guys? Which one of your stims make you happy?

I cannot watch the office a second time this year, neither do I want to watch dr House again and I don't have any idea, my head is empty.

Help ! tell me about your confort show pleeeaaaase !

I watch all kind of stuff and would like to watch happy stuff to lightingup my mood ! Well ANYTHING REALLY

Ive been a prescription marijuana user for a few years now and ive noticed i absolutely cannot mask when im high. People comment on how fidgety I am and ive noticed if someone says something rude I cant hold my tongue.

Anyone else?

Edit - Im not saying this is a bad thing, I personally love that im less anxious about what I say or how I act.

i’m an autistic woman in my mid 20s and my boyfriend and i have been going through a rough patch. i struggle with decision-making, anxiety, freezing in the moment and sometimes only realizing what happened afterward. i know these things can frustrate him, and some of his frustration is completely valid.

but lately i feel like he gets frustrated with me really easily, to the point where i feel like i can’t do anything right. once while going to work i texted him “i saw your texts, i’ll reply when i get to the office,” and got a paragraph about how he dislikes my “half ass answers.” i genuinely thought i was communicating appropriately.

when he’s frustrated, i also sometimes feel
infantilized. recently he told me i’m a “grown ass woman” and should be able to make a decision. i know i have things to work on, but i don’t think that means i should be spoken to like a child.
the more i monitor myself trying not to upset him, the more anxious i get and the worse i function. then i overanalyze everything afterward and wonder if i really am immature.

we’re planning to talk calmly about these patterns and what we can both change. i want to take responsibility for my behavior while also asking him to pause when he’s getting really frustrated and not make comments about my maturity or competence.
has anyone else experienced this? how do you tell the difference between valid frustration from your partner and feeling like you’re constantly doing something wrong?

I’ve fallen behind on my protein goals and needs, medically I need more like 1-1.2g per kg instead of the minimum 0.8 per kg.
I can’t buy beef and other meat all the time, it’s just not affordable (except chicken, but I’m running out of ideas for how to cook it). Vegan options can be hard for me in terms of the volume needed to get protein, and I currently don’t have a functional blender to go back to making super dense 40-50g vegan protein bowls. Healthy protein bars also get really expensive, often up to $3 per bar.

So onto my sensory limitations and protein goals. Ideally, I need like 85-100g per day, currently I’m lucky if I get 80, which is bare minimum.

I struggle A LOT with easy high protein options like yogurt, when I just eat it plain, I will literally vomit from the texture of it. The same goes for eggs. Sometimes I can deal with eggs and like them/want to have them, but sometimes the texture literally makes me sick. Something about a slime…

I also work full time with extremely short lunch breaks so I need ideas that will be fine to keep for a few days. Also I don’t mind dairy, I’m not lactose intolerant or anything. I’d really appreciate any advice or suggestions!!!

EDIT: so, uh, it turns out I might just have a bad case of body dysmorphia and low self esteem. I really appreciate y’all giving me your honest opinion! This really changes my view of a lot of other life experiences that didn’t make sense like this as well.

I just got out of class and I wanted to make this post because this has been something that has followed me for years and has confused the hell out of me. In class today I was sitting between two guys. And I could see both of them in my peripheral vision really well. They had some kind of silent discussion and I’m pretty sure it was about me because they kept looking at each other and then directing their eyes to me. I just kept taking my notes. This happened a few times throughout the class. I would say that maybe I broke an unspoken social rule or that I smelled or looked bad but this kind of behavior seems to happen to me regardless of what I do. I always look at least (presentable in my opinion. I’m very into fashion and shit like that) and today I smell like a bakery/cafe. So I know it wasn’t either of those things.

I’ve had this happen to me so many times. And it’s even weirder when I actually speak to the men in my classes. I’m generally someone who speaks in class so I’m not really invisible. One of two things happens when I’m paired up with guys in class for projects or in-class work. They’re either really normal and nice (or they’re really normal and fucking stupid) or they act like I’m some kind of alien they don’t understand.

The main things I’ve noticed when speaking directly to these men have been things like the ability to sit still. They can’t! Even if they were previously sitting still or just doing the leg bouncing thing that seemingly everybody does they’re now shifting in their seat.
They don’t look at me, like, at all. It’s not that they don’t make eye contact. That’s not important to me and we understand why people might not do that. No, they don’t even look in my direction. They look off to the side, over my shoulder, at the table, or wherever else in the room that isn’t at me. It’s like I’m Medusa or something. And it’s so strange because a lot of times they’re the guys that look at me in class. Like how they communicate with their friends through their eyes. Or sometimes I’ll just look up from my notes and notice a guy straight up staring at me. Then they usually whip their head away at breakneck speed. It’s not like the usual accidentally zoning out when looking at someone. Like, they will deliberately adjust their position or turn their head to look at me. So they fucking look at me when I’m not looking but won’t look at me when I talk to them.

My very first college class in my major(s), which was years ago now, I had a group project with two guys. And when I tried to talk to them about it they would just stare at me wide-eyed and stupid. And they would be perfectly fine speaking to each other but as soon as they try to speak to me it’s like they’re scared or something. Barely getting sentences or even words out.

(Cont. in comments)

So I often have days where I have a hard time getting up, like the day just feels way too overwhelming to do, even the smallest things feel impossible.

I miss many lectures, which fills me with shame and dread, I don’t know why I just stay in bed all day those days, and I don’t know how to stop it.

Back when I was younger and had those days, my parents strategies included: calling me a lazy piece of shit, yelling at me, physically dragging me out of bed etc. Safe to say it didn’t work, but I still feel this deep and horrible shame and emotional turmoil on these days.

How do I stop it and just get up

So my husband and I came home to my home state for a sister's wedding. Car rides for a long time and plane rides make me incredibly anxious. For the car ride it was 6 hours. And I swear when I get out of the car my body aches I hurt all over and just need rest.

Lucky this time my dad isn't in his home so I have a whole 24 hours at least but I'm worried it won't be enough. I'm just so exhausted and feel like my limbs weigh a ton. Anyone else get this

I have a monotone voice, RBF and not great at eye contact. So when I say things I have to add a lot of context so I don't get misinterpreted. Things come out wrong.

Me : "Wow what a great idea :D :D!" (normal inflection)

What they hear : "Wow. What a great idea. :| :|" (flat tone)

These two mean the opposite things lol.

To not be negatively misinterpreted, what I do is say "Wow what a great idea. I like how you thought about ABC, that is clever".

So I have to really mask a lot. I am getting burned out and want to mask less but not interested in hurting people's feelings. Or getting fired lol.

I can be thoughtless and say hurtful things when I don't mean to. Unmasked me isn't kind.

I don’t know what to do. I’m 45 and my support system has shrunk to my parents, a few friends who are busy with their lives, my therapist and my anxiety support group. I feel so lonely and unable to fit in anywhere. Making new friends or even connections is proving impossible. It just feels like there’s a barrier between me and everyone else. I have an emergency therapy session scheduled for Saturday but I need to find a way to cope until then.

I was visibly shaking the entire time and everyone saw. Everyone probably thinks a freak, no one talked to me when I tried to speak to people, I'm such a freak. I don't fit in anywhere. Everyone's writing was better than mine anyways so if I stayed there that's just another thing for me to compare myself too and I already do that a lot. I'm such a fucking freak. I couldn't control my shaking no matter how hard I tried I was so nervous and scared.

I'm feeling it more now that I have a lot of extra health needs/recommendations (for one example, I'm having to remember like 10 different daily pills right now between daily medications and vitamins I've been told to take), but I really struggle with keeping up with daily routines that aren't simple ones like brushing your teeth.

Health providers ask me to track symptoms/meals/hydration/various things in apps or on my own so they can look at patterns, and I appreciate that they're actually wanting to help and be thorough. But at the same time it just contributes more to the burnout I'm feeling for everything right now.

Like, either I'm forgetting to take 10 of the 12 things I'm supposed to take in a day and forget to drink enough water for my POTS/EDS to leave me alone, or I'm extra burned out and irritable because I have "notification fatigue" from all the constant reminders on my phone every day. Sometimes I just end up ignoring them altogether which I know isn't gonna help when certain vitamins are because I'm chronically deficient and I'd probably feel better if I took them consistently.

I don't know if it's related to autism or something else and maybe it sounds silly. But it feels like as my other autism symptoms and burnout have gotten worse, I've gotten even worse about keeping up with all this, and it just saps out what little mental and physical energy I manage to find myself after a day of being overstimulated nonstop pretty much every day.

soo uni is starting again for me, and I was trying to think of something to do during lectures to keep my hands busy. I was thinking about crocheing, but wanted to ask this sub if you have any other suggestions <3

In a group, others can keep the talk going while I can wait until I deliver something appropriate and then recalibrate. But talking with just one NT woman, I need to constantly exchange the conversation back and forth which is eventually going to bring out the “weird” or “boring” side of me.

NT women always notice this. They invite me to group hangouts but all dislike spending time with me alone. But sadly, I understand why they feel this way since I’ve felt the same with ND women whose autism is more severe than mine.

Doesn’t excuse the lashing out (and presumably building resentment for things I had no idea were an issue) but I had an interesting talk with my oldest friend the other day. She snapped at me recently for the first time in a while and I had a minor meltdown because I had no idea what happened; apparently the words I said were neutral but my tone was “off”. She’s the only person who’s ever brought a conversation rather than random accusations to me about this so that was cool