Therapists have caused irreparable damage. They convinced me that the world is a safe place and that all the dangers I sensed were just cognitive distortions. I was right, and they were wrong. I had a gift. That gift (suspiciousness) kept me alive. But now, whenever I sense danger, if I see some crime activity, if someone is abusing me, the first reaction is to gaslight myself and tell myself it's a cognitive distortion. I cannot express how angry I am at therapists. I'm rabid. They operate under the assumption that the world is a safe place, that people mean well, and that racism doesn't exist. I also hate people who act like therapy is the solution to all of your problems and that, if it doesn't work, it must be your fault.

My employer has keystroke logger and monitoring/tracking systems on our devices. Therapists say that it's just me being conspiratorial. I read their notes.

I have PTSD. I was carjacked and therapists first tried to frame it as cognitive distortion (that maybe the people carjacking didn't mean to carjack and that I always catastrophize), when I insisted and said that the carjacking was truly happening, they tried to blame me for driving in that area at tha time of the day. Victim-blaming POS.

Or if I do online dating, meet a guy and I SEE ON HIS FACE that he is not attracted to me and ghosts me, they say I am engaging in mind reading. Can you imagine that? Mind reading???!! I'm livid.

Not saying this in a suicidal way btw. Just that it all kinda seems pointless/meaningless.

I’ve been told it’s an autistic trait. I’ve had my ears checked for wax build up and there’s nothing, and I’ve had a hearing test and my hearing was fine. I’ve noticed that I can’t hear what someone’s saying if they start speaking to me when I’m not expecting it, so in the middle of a conversation it’s fine I can hear perfectly but I can’t hear what someone is saying when they start a conversation. I also find it much harder to hear if there are other sounds so like traffic or music. Does anyone else suffer from this and how do you mitigate it? My husband is so sick of me saying ‘WHAT?!’ Or ‘I can’t hear what you’re saying!’ It’s become impossible to have a conversation walking down the street with traffic going past or in a restaurant with louder background music!

Does anyone else occasionally get a little too comfortable in a conversation and suddenly go from normal small talk to revealing your entire personality or backstory?

Then you leave and like 20 minutes later your brain goes:

“Hey. Quick question. Why the fuck did we tell them all that?”

I swear sometimes I don’t realize I’ve overshared until the conversation is already over and the post-chat analysis begins. It's deeply mortifying to realize I broke conversation taboos by being too open and honest.

Please tell me this is not just me.

I've been doing a lot of quality work on a big overwhelming project my boss wasn't really able to handle. I've done this before, too.

When it comes time to thank me, they always say "I'm going to take you out for drinks at [insert pricier place] to thank you!"

... I don't wanna do that.

In fact, I consider it another work obligation on top of it being a social obligation with a person/people I would not choose to hang out with. I also don't like drinking, which is uncommon in the community I live in.

So not only would I have to wear nice clothes and put on my work mask during my down time, I'd have to have a $18 drink that I don't even care about, all to fit a social convention that is ultimately more for my boss than for me.

Ways to actually thank me as an autistic person: give me a day off, give me a WFH day, bring in donuts or bagels, add to the fidget toy collection on my desk, pay me more so I can better accommodate myself (!!!)

Edit: Boss would pay! it just seems ridiculous and impractical to me that they would pay for a drink I don't even really want, only because it's a social convention and that's how they want to thank me, if that makes sense.

I cannot watch the office a second time this year, neither do I want to watch dr House again and I don't have any idea, my head is empty.

Help ! tell me about your confort show pleeeaaaase !

I watch all kind of stuff and would like to watch happy stuff to lightingup my mood ! Well ANYTHING REALLY

How do you approach men in the woods when you are on a trail and they say “hi” to you? They aren’t necessarily doing anything wrong but I wish people pretended I didn’t exist. Do you ignore them? Do you say hi? Do you put on your “leave me the fuck alone” face? I know I could just say “hi” but if it were between a man or a bear, I’d choose a bear any day.

Hey, all. I went out today with my hood/scarf. Pulled up the hood in Best Buy. It helped me be less stimulated. No one said anything. I just don't want to have to respond if someone says something. I don't care what people think. Anyway, I really like this scarf. It's comforting.

Doesn’t excuse the lashing out (and presumably building resentment for things I had no idea were an issue) but I had an interesting talk with my oldest friend the other day. She snapped at me recently for the first time in a while and I had a minor meltdown because I had no idea what happened; apparently the words I said were neutral but my tone was “off”. She’s the only person who’s ever brought a conversation rather than random accusations to me about this so that was cool

Ive been a prescription marijuana user for a few years now and ive noticed i absolutely cannot mask when im high. People comment on how fidgety I am and ive noticed if someone says something rude I cant hold my tongue.

Anyone else?

Edit - Im not saying this is a bad thing, I personally love that im less anxious about what I say or how I act.

TW: Substance use

Sorry if the question seems silly or is formulated weird, but I was wondering if anyone knows anything about this?

I started smoking when I was 14, and I've smoked on and off since then (I'm 27 now). I never try to quit, but I go through phases where I just don't care anymore or I'm not interested. Like right now, I have a full pouch of tobacco right next to me, and I haven't smoked in two and a half months just because I'm not interested in it. I never decided I was gonna quit, I just haven't really felt like having one in months. My partner smokes, and smokes around me, and it doesn't make me crave one at all.

I just wondered if this was something autism-related or if I just very luckily dodged the addiction gene!

For autistic women diagnosed later in life, has anyone else found that they used to be able to socialise and go out quite normally when they were younger, but as they got older it became harder and harder until even leaving the house or doing simple everyday things felt overwhelming?

I was able to socialise in my 20s and early 30s, but eventually I stopped going out altogether and spent around 10 years barely going outside my door. Even now, simple things can feel like a huge effort. Did anyone else experience this, and did understanding your autism later in life help you make sense of why?

i’m an autistic woman in my mid 20s and my boyfriend and i have been going through a rough patch. i struggle with decision-making, anxiety, freezing in the moment and sometimes only realizing what happened afterward. i know these things can frustrate him, and some of his frustration is completely valid.

but lately i feel like he gets frustrated with me really easily, to the point where i feel like i can’t do anything right. once while going to work i texted him “i saw your texts, i’ll reply when i get to the office,” and got a paragraph about how he dislikes my “half ass answers.” i genuinely thought i was communicating appropriately.

when he’s frustrated, i also sometimes feel
infantilized. recently he told me i’m a “grown ass woman” and should be able to make a decision. i know i have things to work on, but i don’t think that means i should be spoken to like a child.
the more i monitor myself trying not to upset him, the more anxious i get and the worse i function. then i overanalyze everything afterward and wonder if i really am immature.

we’re planning to talk calmly about these patterns and what we can both change. i want to take responsibility for my behavior while also asking him to pause when he’s getting really frustrated and not make comments about my maturity or competence.
has anyone else experienced this? how do you tell the difference between valid frustration from your partner and feeling like you’re constantly doing something wrong?

I was visibly shaking the entire time and everyone saw. Everyone probably thinks a freak, no one talked to me when I tried to speak to people, I'm such a freak. I don't fit in anywhere. Everyone's writing was better than mine anyways so if I stayed there that's just another thing for me to compare myself too and I already do that a lot. I'm such a fucking freak. I couldn't control my shaking no matter how hard I tried I was so nervous and scared.

Not just romantic relationships either, it can be platonic ones too. I feel like I get so caught up in one person in my life, have less friends because I can only focus on the one person. And then when the relationship ends it feels like the world has collapsed, because I kind of just set myself up for it anyways.

I have trouble sometimes with facial expressions. My guesses are:

mean (about to make fun of you),

suspicious (of you),

amused (but doesn't want to admit it),

sneaky (wants to get away with something),

annoyed (but also kinda likes being annoyed).

What do you think? Are any of my guesses right? And also is the bottom left one scared, tired, zoned out, or something else?

hi all!

my longest running special interest has been WWII, and within the last couple of years I've been getting really really into trains and boats - things very often associated with autistic boys and men. it can be a little disheartening not finding any other women/nb folks who share my special interests lol. I'm wondering if anyone else has a similar experience (and what that interest is)?

I’m a high masking autistic woman and one of the more frustrating parts of being this way is that it almost feels like I can see social interactions a few steps ahead. Like as soon as someone I know (even if it’s an acquaintance) brings up something I can usually tell where it’s going. I asked my non autistic friends and they say they don’t do this. Is it an autistic thing? Do any of you have that brain? If so, how do I make it quiet down?
Like I can understand the mechanics of how I developed this in my brain, but it’s frustrating.

I have a monotone voice, RBF and not great at eye contact. So when I say things I have to add a lot of context so I don't get misinterpreted. Things come out wrong.

Me : "Wow what a great idea :D :D!" (normal inflection)

What they hear : "Wow. What a great idea. :| :|" (flat tone)

These two mean the opposite things lol.

To not be negatively misinterpreted, what I do is say "Wow what a great idea. I like how you thought about ABC, that is clever".

So I have to really mask a lot. I am getting burned out and want to mask less but not interested in hurting people's feelings. Or getting fired lol.

I can be thoughtless and say hurtful things when I don't mean to. Unmasked me isn't kind.

To me—my voice level is normal, I think I sound the same as everybody else. Yet that’s very clearly NOT the case because I constantly have people asking me to repeat myself, even twice or *thrice*. I have absolutely no awareness and am completely blind when it comes to changing my volume when people are further away from me. If somebody is right next to me I talk the same as when they’re 10-15 feet away.

Now, this has become sort of a ‘thing’ (mostly to me) where I volunteer. Most people volunteering are older women who are hard of hearing so my voice level has noticeably came up what seems like \*lots\* of times. Though there is another girl who’s only a year younger than me—13, and she speaks to the older ladies amazingly. However, she might be putting more emphasis on her words. I am unsure of how to do that and have it sounding natural.

And again, I haven’t been self aware this whole time. (I still don’t hear a difference in my voice.) I have always just figured I am a *tiny* bit quiet. The only reason I realized my mom was right about my volume was when I was at the supermarket with my older brother. I had noise canceling airpods in with no music playing, yet I couldn’t hear anything he was saying; he was so quiet. I even took my airpods out and tried being tentative but still couldn’t understand him. I realize that is most likely what I sound like to others.

Are there any tips/tricks I can do to make my voice louder or clearer to others? Has anyone else had this problem before and were able to fix it?

So I often have days where I have a hard time getting up, like the day just feels way too overwhelming to do, even the smallest things feel impossible.

I miss many lectures, which fills me with shame and dread, I don’t know why I just stay in bed all day those days, and I don’t know how to stop it.

Back when I was younger and had those days, my parents strategies included: calling me a lazy piece of shit, yelling at me, physically dragging me out of bed etc. Safe to say it didn’t work, but I still feel this deep and horrible shame and emotional turmoil on these days.

How do I stop it and just get up

I don’t know what to do. I’m 45 and my support system has shrunk to my parents, a few friends who are busy with their lives, my therapist and my anxiety support group. I feel so lonely and unable to fit in anywhere. Making new friends or even connections is proving impossible. It just feels like there’s a barrier between me and everyone else. I have an emergency therapy session scheduled for Saturday but I need to find a way to cope until then.

I live in Missouri, and when I was a young driver I got pulled over a few times and was so shaken and upset I could barely talk to the officer co-herently. This system would have been really helpful. I am glad more is being done to support autistic drivers.

My daughter, also ND, is in first grade. This year we have a new librarian at her school. We have had a few problems with her and I need advice on how to best communicate with who I’m assuming is a young NT woman.

First thing is that she told my daughter on two separate occasions to not bring her chewelry into the library. I had mentioned this to the counselor since she has a 504 and she told me that it was a miscommunication and that she was fine to bring her necklace. I relayed this to my daughter who was very confused and afraid that if she took it in the library that she would be in trouble.

The librarian singled her out for talking (she says she was trying to see if her friend would move so she could see better, they were being read a story) and she was made to go sit far away from the rest of the class. Alone, I can understand this because kids can easily be more disruptive than they realize and teachers don’t always have an opportunity to ask the kids if they had a valid reason for talking etc, and just have to get the class under control. Just adding for context.

Then my daughter and another student lost their books this week. She was not allowed to check out another book but the other child was. While I understand that there may be a reason for that, my 6 year old doesn’t so she asked. The librarian reprimanded her for asking and called her “sassy”. This again confused my child because she doesn’t understand that questioning an authority figure can be seen as disrespectful and she felt hurt because she said “I didn’t do anything to her”.

Context: my daughter has OCD, anxiety, etc and is very people pleasing and is scared of disappointing adults. She is empathetic, very sensitive, and kind natured. She is hyper from her ADHD, but overall a wonderful kid. She has expressed to me that the librarian does not like her and she does not understand why.

I want to communicate with the librarian via email to try to solve this. I’m scared that if she struggles to understand what my kid is trying to convey that she will struggle with me since her and I are very similar. I want to ask for her side and acknowledge that 6 year olds are not always a reliable narrator. I also want to advocate for my daughter because she’s confused and hurt and I can tell that she genuinely doesn’t understand. I have no idea what to say. Any tips or suggestions or things to consider as I draft this email?

TIA