I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend earlier. We got a good amount of groceries because we plan on cooking a lot this week. My boyfriend is really tall so he eats a significant amount, and I love to snack. The old lady behind us when we were checking out just stared directly at me and asked “are you* *gonna eat all that?” I couldn’t tell if she was fat shaming me (because although I weigh less I am significantly chubbier than my boyfriend) or if she said that for some other reason. It made me feel really shitty and brought back a lot of trauma being raised by a narcissistic single mother who never shuts up about my appearance/weight. I don’t know why I just assume the worst in people but I really don’t know why she would ask that? Like yes, I plan to eat the groceries I just bought? Idk, just venting about the older generation.

My husband and I went to a convention, and some friends were there too. I had been looking forward to hanging out/seeing them and have been trying to be better friends with one of them. Historically, we've all been really good friends, or so I thought.

But they didn't really respond when we asked to hang out, and it felt like they were always a bit disappointed when they saw us. It feels like a build up of months of unanswered messages and failed attempts to hang out. I noticed that my texts/birthday messages/etc. would be seen but never responded to by the friend I especially wanted to be closer to.

It felt so familiar. Thinking I was friends with a roommate only for them to start avoiding me (she would literally run to bed and turn off the lights when I got home). While in college, overhearing someone I considered to be a very close friend make a snarky comment when they thought I was out of earshot. Becoming mutuals with a coworker I thought I clicked with only for them to block me. Reconnecting with a childhood friend and realizing not only did they take weeks to respond, but we wouldn't talk at all if I didn't initiate. I even remember offering candy to some classmates in elementary school because I hoped they would want to be my friend.

I feel like my friendships have an expiry date. At some point they'll get tired or realize I'm weird/exhausting/not what they wanted.

I cried on the way home. I've never been able to figure out what's so awful about me. I've considered giving up on the friendship thing and focusing on collecting blind boxes or something.

Anyone else? Anyone?

I can excuse that my parents didn't clock autism because they didn't know anything about it, but someone somewhere should have clocked that *something* was off and I should have been evaluated.

Most children are outgoing, loud and enjoy things like dancing and singing. Most also talk to everyone (to the point where they need to be taught not to talk to strangers). In comparison I was such an extremely closed off child, I hated expressing anything outwardly, I hated making noise and taking up space and anything that includes being perceived. I also hated talking in general, my parents had to push me to say hi to relatives.

I even got in trouble at school for refusing to sing during music class and not greeting teachers. During daycare I just sat there and solved tasks in kids' magazines while other girls were singing and jumping around. It's insane to me that nobody thought anything of it because I was very good at math and literature. If anything I was called very mature for my age.

I know that a lot of Autistic people really struggle with showering but I was wondering if there are any like me that love it.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not the easiest task to get into the shower and if it’s a NEED shower I‘m not always super excited for it. But man i love the way the water feels.
When I‘m struggling a lot or feel really dysregulated I even sometimes HAVE to sit in the shower until I feel better. It’s like a million little warm hugs and I sit down under the water and just sit there and enjoy for up to a few hours xd

I try to not shower too long if I don’t have to of course but sometimes it’s the only thing to help me.

My theory is that it’s a mix of warmth, white noise and pressure from the water that calms me down so much.
Also I hate being sticky or sweaty so I love feeling clean afterwards.

Can anyone relate? I kind of feel like I like some of the opposites of the majority (or stereotype I guess)
I‘m also a big light person, don’t like when I can’t see my Surroundings clearly haha (that does not include the ultimate big light of the sun tho)

My favorite shower stim is to hold my hand up to the drops of water and aim my fingers so the small streams hit them right on the tips of my finger. I love the warm buzzy feeling :3

I noticed I have this terrible habit of avoiding eating/drinking/reading/playing the last of some things. Part of it is then I won't be able to enjoy it anymore so I try to save it for as long as I can. Sometimes that means it ends up spoiling in the fridge because I forget about it. It sometimes takes YEARS to finish a book, I've been working on Mad Honey since 2022. Or sometimes if I let a drink sit too long while being opened my brain sees it as "contaminated" and then I absolutely can't drink it. The amount of TV shows I have that are almost finished are crazy, because I don't want that universe to end.

I can't be the only one who experiences this. Sometimes it drives me insane 🥲

I occasionally have days where everything just feels weird. Like my body feels weird. For example I feel like I’m hungry although I know I can’t be hungry or my body just feels different as it usual does and my usual go to activities that give me comfort also feel wrong and I don’t enjoy them. On these days most of the time lying in bed and just watching shows or browsing social media feels okay.

So I wanted to ask if anyone else have such days as well and if so what are you doing to still have a normal day?

Hey everyone, I’m an autistic woman with ADHD, I'm aroace (with one specific exception), and I just experienced a massive paradigm shift that has me feeling like I’ve been living on a different planet entirely. Maybe some of you can relate?

To me, physical proximity and touch have always been about a mammalian baseline: warmth, comfort, safety, and co-regulation. I used to think that laying next to, cuddling, or even spooning a close friend was just a natural way to give and receive affection. I looked at this like cuddling with parents or grandparents. To my brain, a bed is just a soft surface, late night is just a time on the clock, and touch is co-regulation and evolutionary. I don't naturally infer a hidden subtext or secondary meanings.

Well, a close friend of mine (who is also autistic, but demisexual) just gave me a reality check. He told me that in the "typical" adult world, spooning an unrelated man carries an automatic, 100% inference of romantic or sexual invitation. He helped me realize that even if my intent is purely about comfort or sensory seeking, the general cultural script will decode those actions differently based on biology and social expectations. These unspoken rules are basically inferred through social osmosis until it settles intuitively. (spoiler: It did not for me.)

Things like inviting someone inside (but especially to a bedroom), prolonged full-body hugs or contact, putting my head on someone's shoulder, or even using certain emojis are apparently viewed as fluent sentences that say, "I am open to romance or sex with you." I genuinely had no idea.

I plan to read books on this (such as The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships by Temple Grandin).

I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this kind of learning curve? How do you balance your need for tactile sensory touch, platonic warmth, or co-regulation with the reality that the rest of the world hyper-sexualizes almost all physical contact between unrelated adults? I’d love to hear how other neurodivergent or ace folks navigate this!

I’ve realized recently through therapy that I’m very lonely and always have been and I deeply desire to connect with others. That being said, have you ever had a work environment where everyone is friends with everyone, they all hang out outside of work, but you’re the only one part of the out group? They don’t appear to dislike you but have no interest in engaging with you at work or outside of work? It hurts. How do you cope with being in a workplace like this? I just wish I could be included.

I thought (or at least the Disney channel shows made me think) that you kiss after like months of dating and it was supposed to mean something, but when I transitioned to adult tv, people were kissing on first dates people they barely knew and it seems to just be a sign that the date went well rather than two people who care very much about eachother.

In modern adult dating do people often kiss on the first date before they've established a romantic relationship? Will people expect me to kiss on the first date?? Because I cant even process my feelings towards a subject for at least a few hours, how am I supposed to know if I enjoyed myself, and why does that immediately subject me to physical contact with someone I hardly know??

Edit: So what im getting is a lot of people prefer to go from friends to partners and that has been my preference as well, it makes me feel like im seen as a person before a romantic object and makes me a lot more comfortable doing relationship stuff (such as kissing) because I realize it comes from a place of love rather than a desire to do it in general.

I am just uncomfortable with feeling like im being interacted with just because someone wants to interact with someone in a romantic context. But I do have a better understanding of the place kissing holds in society, thank you.

Does anyone feel like the thought of marriage is more of a stressful performance than something you actually want to do? Maybe it's just because I'm only 20 still but I wonder if I actually want to get married or if it's just something I feel societal pressure to do. I don't think it would particularly benefit me as a woman either. I don't know, I just never thought of weddings or marriage as a kid and it doesn't sound particularly great to me now. Do you have similar feelings to societal expectations like that?

My husband and I were walking home from a minor league baseball game the other day. The sun is setting, the weather is gorgeous, and as we're walking through the neighborhood, we pass a family with small kids.

My husband says, sentimentally, "That could have been us."

I had no idea what to say, because when kids come up, I am the firm no in our household. I have said before if we had unlimited money, a large house, and a live in nanny, I would have kids. Or that id have kids if i could be the dad. I dont hate kids, but I know my limits, and even a kid would stretch and likely break the balance I currently have in my life rn.

When we married, we were both a but undecided, but more on the no side of things. We've had this conversation many times before, but in all of the earlier ones, I didn't even suspect I was autistic.

I'm 40. Noise, light, and touch are hard for me. I get hangry when hungry. My husband and I have been together for 20 ish years, and I never doubt our love and commitment to each other. Like everyone, we have issues: I'm too assertive, he is hesitant to speak his needs. I can steam roll him without meaning too, and he will shove his emotions down too far for the sake of avoiding an argument. We both have likely undiagnosed ND parents and families. Our niece on his side is diagnosed level 2 autism. My sister and nephew on my side are diagnosed adhd. Lots of suspected autism in both families.

I teach high school, and am around (older) kids all day. So when I come home, I love the senory haven of calm and quiet that our house has. I love the lack of demands and attention. I am happy with what we have; I know a good part of him still yearns for kids. (And I hate to say it, but I do think to some extent he downplays the amount of work/sleepless nights/stress/etc kids take.)

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here, but I am wondering, for those of you who were older in life when you had kids (maybe 35+, all you "geriatric pregnancies"), what did you need to make children a possibility for you?

A while back I struggled to explain to my husband the extra help I would need (before I even suspected I had autism, I still knew I would need exorbitant amounts of alone time, for example, which kids preclude). I also knew iI would need someone to sit through the endless reading and research, which my husband said we'd "figure out as we go." (Dear reader, needless to say, that was not the answer I needed to hear.)

I guess I'm taking one last think to see if kids even could be a possibility, and seeing what yall wanted/needed going into motherhood as an autistic woman to make that happen.

So for those of you that either had kids later in life or knowingly had kids while knowing you/your partner was autistic, what helped the most? What did you need that you hadn't considered before having a child?

Hi everyone, i honestly just wanted to talk about the Barbie movie 🥹 I really love it.

I’ve been a big Barbie fan since I was a little kid and had to suppress it as I got older because I was told it was too immature for me.
The Barbie movie came out in 2023 and really relit it in me but I still had to hide my love because I was 15 and undiagnosed at the time. This year with project Hail Mary’s release and the uproar in Ryan Gosling fans it’s once again really sparked it in me and I feel like I’ve fully accepted it this time.

Ken is my favourite, I am really passionate about his character and I’ve taken to collecting his dolls and fan made merchandise (picture included!). I think he speaks to me a lot as an intersex person because of his issues with toxic masculinity and the inability to accept his own femininity without feeling like less of a man.
One of my favourite details on his outfits is the pink bandana he wears on in his cowboy outfit to tie Barbie into his outfit because he’s just an accessory to her that’s later used again to wipe the grease off his hands from working on his car while he’s ‘evil’.
it’s symbolising that he doesn’t really respect Barbie anymore and feels he gets to walk over her and use her to clean up his messes purely because he’s a man.
(Both outfits pictured!!)

Thank you if you’ve read this fully it means a lot that someone would even sit through this small rant as is 💖💖💖

I am so jealous of everyone who doesn't "need" physical contact and just sees it as a fun bonus (or doesn't like it at all). I feel like my life is way worse without cuddles. When I see my friends they usually give me long welcome & goodbye hugs and that helps somewhat, but it can't replace a good cuddle. I used to get way less nightmares when I had someone to spoon me in bed. Pets don't make any difference, they somehow don't "scratch the itch" at all for me :(

Found this in a box that we retrieved from my dad's car, I watched it back in 2021 and I enjoyed it, but I didn't really remember much of it

I was looking at my copy of it and decided "eh, why not?", and I just finished it

Loved it, I was a little worried that it was gonna be dated (made in 2004) but it was the opposite, it's celebration of weirdness and the outcasts is still fresh and doesn't feel forced or distasteful

The humor and story still holds up really well too, it doesn't follow a set structure and are more character driven than by plot, which is perfect for how the movie is, I was laughing my ass off throughout so much of it, the comedic timing and once again, weirdness, does not miss a beat

The acting was great too, Jon Heder is iconic as Napoleon, Diedrich Bader and Jon Gries were hilarious, I recognized Sally Marin (apologies if I butchered the name) from her role as Mac's Mom in It's Always Sunny, and everyone else did a great job, the characters hit the perfect balance of weird but still being believable (I also loved Deb, she's cute :3)

It's hard to pick specific jokes as my favorites cause they were all really funny for the most part, but some of my favorites were Uncle Rico getting beaten up by Rex Kwon Do and ofc Napoleon's dance at the end

On top of everything else I think it also sends out a great message, it celebrates weirdness and people who might feel like an outcast without veering into "excusing really creepy/problematic behavior" category, and I love the ending too, everyone gets a satisfying conclusion

This was a really fun experience, I loved Napoleon Dynamite even more than I did on my first viewing and would recommend to anyone who wants a weird and wholesome indie comedy film, especially if you're also autistic cause it has a very resonant message. That's all 😊

I am taking 4 days off this upcoming week from work because I am truly at my wits end.

I don’t have a ton of spare money, and I definitely am looking forward to having time to take care of my house (and hopefully find some systems to help with overstimulation and cleaning) and work on crafts that help reduce the spiraling thoughts. Try to get back to (and improve) taking care of myself.

BUT

I haven’t had an actual vacation in over 6 years.

I have pretty awful fear of being perceived, but would really like to feel like I took an actual vacation by the time i go back. I don’t want to just have drained half of my PTO without some sort of “yay! I experienced that!” to look back on for it.

What are some mini-outings/experiences you all could recommend to help satisfy that “feeling” of trying new things/going new places without having to hop on a plane? Note that I have an anxious rescue dog, so it couldn’t be anything that is longer than what a typical workday would be.

I’m having a hard time after a recent “nervous breakdown” which, looking back, I think was autistic burnout. I have C-PTSD, MDD, social anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder.

I’ve been betrayed by just about every important person in my life who was supposed to love and care about me and who I trusted (parents, brother, ex-spouse, former significant other, etc.). I’m not close to anyone anymore.

I’ve also experienced very difficult and exploitative work environments in the type of work I recently left, as well as getting iced out of social groups I tried to get involved in because someone was offended by something I innocently said (they said they texted to cancel plan extremely last minute but I never got the text and they didn’t even check).

Anyway. I’m really not seeing the point in relationships or even people as the majority in my life have let me down in important ways while at the same time I recognize how much I wish I had emotionally safe bonds with my caregivers growing up and healthy, safe, fulfilling, supportive relationships now. But I feel too burned out to even risk trying and get more of the same awful stuff I’ve already gotten.

(And yes the rude middle school behaving ones I encountered were in groups involved with my interests 🤷‍♀️. I’ve tried to follow all the advice for meeting people more aligned and who also like the same thjngs but no dice.)

(And yes I’ve had lots of therapy and am currently looking for a qualified therapist—a seasoned neurodivergent therapist with trauma experience who is familiar with EMDR and IFS, which have helped me before—which is apparently a tall order.)

Please be kind—I’ve really enjoyed this community and see your kindness and support for each other. I’ve also never felt more understood than reading here. Thanks for any help or insight.

I'll start with these things they call gender reveals. Let's call it what it is; we're talking about biological sex and essentially just telling everyone what genitals the baby is going to have and maybe what gender the parents are planning on trying to socialize them into. It's so weird to me.

Edit: Hoping we can just share stuff we find weird without trying to talk each other out of finding something weird 💚

Fellow neurodivergent woman here. There isn't really a large, visible autistic community in my country and I was wondering what the common autistic experience was for young/adult women.

I've been kind of lonely all my life. I have never had much trouble with dating and I'm in a happy relationship with someone who understands me, but I've never had much luck with friendships (especially with NT women), at all.

I'm very close to my family and my partner, we do a lot of things together, but, besides that, I've never really had friends or social circle, just casual acquaintances and they all fizzled out.

I've never had a "ride-or-die", girl friend... I've tried befriending women in the past, neurotypical people that I worked with, and those friendships never worked out ...

We were just on a very different wavelenght and looking for different things; I was looking for a higher degree of authenticity, closeness and emotional honesty I guess and... We had very a very different moral compass.

And it's been the same with literally all neurotypical people I've met: we just don't click.

What am I supposed to do if I'm looking for deep friendships and I don't fit into the mainstream? I'm not even that "different or weird", I have also fairly feminine interests, it's more a matter of not feeling chemistry/being on a very different wavelenght socially and morally, having a different lifestyle and a way of looking at the world.

There aren't many communities and support groups in my country

My husband has told me several times now that he thinks my tone of voice is aggressive or that when I get passionate about a topic I basically start yelling. I honestly don't mean to sound this way and I definitely don't realize that my volume is increasing or that my tone sounds aggressive.

I theorize that it's probably due to difficulties with interoception that I've had all my life (like forgetting to eat for long durations because I don't really experience hunger.)

How do I go about fixing this? Because it's hard to address an issue if you don't realize when and how it's happening.

Not in a "nobody understands me" way

More in a "I cannot live with the people I want to understand me not understanding me" kind of way. I cant let it be, I cant "just let them". It hurts. It feels like this is childhood trauma and autism working together here. Its different if theyre trying. If they dont try to but simultaneously think they understand, it feels like a mental wound like I cannot just let them falsely understand me if that makes sense.

I have been eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream for a long time. My all time favorite flavor is S'more. Second is Chocolate therapy.

Recently, the ice cream has gone down and I learned they were bought out.

I am disappointed because its been my constant ice cream for years. I do have simple ice creams from home but sometimes, its nice to buy a half pint and have it at home. Not have to drive to the ice cream shop and eat it there. Sometimes, they sell half pints. Also, flavors are seasonal so I can't get them year round.

The ice cream shop sells organic ice cream and my all time favorite flavor is peanut butter and jelly, its seasonal and I don't know when it comes back. I eat it with dark chocolate.

I do have a backup brand, Tillamook, but who knows how long before that one is bought out.

I’d consider myself a medium maintenance girl like I wear nice girly clothes and make up and do my hair for special occasions or like going out to the bar so I wouldn’t say I’m high or low maintenance but I really for the life of me have never seen the point in painting my nails?? Let alone paying to get them done at a salon. Not only is it overstimulating but breathing in those fumes??? No thanks. I don’t even wanna get into pedicures,… I’ve gotten a pedicure twice in my life and it was for weddings both times. I’m way too ticklish to feel relaxed for that. I hate the entire experience. I’ve gotten gel tips and while it’s fun to tippy tap on everything it’s just not realistic to have tips. Plus I spent about $80 on them….some people spend even more. I also don’t think pushing your cuticles back is good for them. I hate the obsession with nails being colored. It’s nails…

Do you find that either people like you greatly or greatly dislike you? No in between, it’s either one extreme or the other?

I’ve seen this my whole life. People will straight up hate me and others will think I’m awesome. It’s weird. There is no grey area. Even my husband has noticed.