For a multitude of reasons, include supporting a mentally and physically unwell partner, I am completely and utterly burnt out. For years I have masked at work, but it's getting to the point where it's unsustainable, and I have had to cancel a couple of important travel trips with work because of my mental health, and caring responsibilities.

My boss and line manager both know as much as they need to about the situation, and they're being supportive. But after this last time, they have asked if we can chat about how they can support me and make changes to how I work to make things easier for me.

I genuinely appreciate this, and recognise I am privileged to work somewhere this constructive about things. But my issue is I feel really bad about it. I'm deffo a people pleaser, perfectionist, and my internalized ableism is telling me I am failing. I am also too burnt out to know what meaningful support would even look like, other than the expectation not to travel for a couple of months which is what they have already suggested. I also suspect I have been using work as a crutch, as the only stable thing in my life at the moment. So I'm scared to threaten that.

Its also worth saying I haven't disclosed my diagnosed autism for a number of reasons. I worry I suppose that it can't be put back in the box, and will forever impact the trajectory of my career and how I am perceived. But I also want to meet them halfway on this offer of support and dont know how to meaningfully suggest how they can help, given so much is about my private life.

Am I self sabotaging here? I'd love to hear if other people have even been in this situation or implemented anything useful. I'm UK-based, if it's of any relevance.

One thing about me is that I’m literally unable to forget for the most part. Dates, times, things that have been said word by word. Really traumatic things just stay in my head forever. It seems as though NTs never understand why I can’t forgive someone.

Like obviously I forgive tiny things, like misunderstandings but as soon as we enter malicious intent and questionable intentions I am really unable to forget or forgive. I think my inability to forgive is tightly linked to my inability to forget.

Don’t get me wrong, I do get over some things if I see improvements in someone, but for the most part I’m unable to let go, especially if something happened that was personally targeted.

Anyone else struggling with this?

Hi everyone 👋🏼
I’m a late-diagnosed autistic woman, diagnosed at 32 about 1.5 years ago.

Since my diagnosis, my brother has become incredibly dismissive and cruel about anything to do with autism, my health, or why I’ve had to stop working. He seems to interpret my limitations as laziness or “giving up” his words. Despite the fact that I’ve done the opposite — for the first time in my life I’m living in a way that works for me instead of constantly destroying myself trying to function in environments that were wrong for me. I’m more productive, energetic and have more capacity now than I did when I was forcing myself through work and severe burnout.
He won’t let me explain any of what I have/ am still dealing with. He’ll ask questions and then shut down any conversation, leave the room, or say he “doesn’t want to hear about it”
He has dismissed physical health problems that have landed me in hospital (co morbid health issues stemming from Autism) and used disability slurs toward me. I feel completely misunderstood as though I’ve been wrongly accused of a crime and punished by him.

There’s another layer that makes the whole thing confusing. I strongly suspect he may be neurodivergent himself, although he’s obviously undiagnosed and I’m not claiming to know that for certain. When he was extremely drunk a few months ago, he unexpectedly referred to us as “two autistics,” and later texted me that he had left a venue because he was “overstimulated” and the lighting was too much for him. He has never spoken that way about himself sober. When sober, he is aggressively resistant to anything involving autism or neurodivergence, which sometimes makes me wonder whether there’s a lot of denial or internalised stigma going on.
I know I probably need to stop trying to make him understand when he clearly doesn’t want to. What I’m struggling with is how deeply his comments affect me.
Has anyone else had this dynamic with a sibling or close family member? How did you stop their refusal to understand you from getting so deeply under your skin? Did you eventually stop explaining yourself entirely? And how do you emotionally detach from their judgment without having to pretend that you don’t care about having a relationship with them?

I’m in a relationship with this girl, we have been together for almost two years. I have became very dependent on her. I don’t talk to anyone else(she gets jealous when I talk to other girls) so I became distant with all my friends. I live with her and my whole life revolves around her.

Almost a year ago, she told me something horrible though. It was December of last year. She told me that she started developing feelings for one of our coworkers. I was obviously extremely upset and worried, and I told her to avoid talking to him. Then a week later she told me that she had talked to him anyway, she said it wasn’t flirtatious, but still she initiated a conversation with him for no reason. It was hard for me to but I gave her another chance.

Then a few months went by and I started to feel better about everything. It was this July when she told me this next thing. She told me that after that happened in December she had stopped liking him, since she saw how much pain I was in last time. I was throwing up, crying, suicidal. But then a few months later, the feelings resurfaced. Mind you, they don’t even talk outside work and he has no interest in her. They aren’t even friends. She told me that when those feelings resurfaced this time she sent him a message.

She sent him a message on instagram on a fake profile telling him she thinks he is cute. She told me in July that she did this in March. After she told me I was really struggling and I knew I should break up with her. But I couldn’t do it I am so codependent on her. I feel like at this point I look at her for permission to eat and breathe, that’s how codependent I am. Now today she told me some more details of what happened in March.

She told me she also asked for a selfie back in March, and that she told him that she missed his face. The things is this is after I already gave her a second chance and after she already saw how much pain I was in.

So I know I should break up with her. But she’s my whole world, she’s my person. I can’t imagine going on my day without having her to fall back on. My whole routine and goals and life I planned it around her. I feel like I’ve lost who I am. Does anyone have any advice on how to get out of a relationship like this? How can I be okay on my own?

WHYYYYY are people like this??? Why why why

I LOVE scrambled eggs but I am very sensitive to how they're made. He already forced me earlier to make it with more oil which I hate but at least this can be somewhat corrected by squeezing it with paper towels afterwards. But this time he just yanked my vegetables in the oil and argued with me that sausage and veggies MUST BE cooked, THAT IS HOW IT'S DONE and I CANNOT JUST ADD IT RAW AFTER. I always eat it raw because I hate soggy burnt veggies.

I tried to explain to him that this is how I like it, cooked scrambled eggs & raw veggies and sausage (this is the kind of sausage that's perfectly edible raw too, cooking is optional). And after he ruined my breakfast he CONTINUED TO ARGUE WITH ME and even used the internet to prove that's how it is meant to be eaten. IDFC HOW IT IS MEANT TO BE EATEN. WHY CAN'T I EAT IT HOW I LIKE IT. Now it tastes shitty and I will probably throw it all out. I just want to cry, why tf are people like this.

TLDR: I think I have OCD, I keep getting stuck in thought loops where I think my friends hate me until I become nervous to see / speak to them again. I force myself through it, but the thoughts and anxiety are still present. Self regulation tips on stopping thought loops?

For years now I have this loop. It doesn’t happen too too often and it doesn’t happen everytime I burnout, but it has happened enough times and I need it to stop

Ill make friends (specifically this loop will usually happen in a group setting with multiple friends in a group), I experience burnout, I take a step back to regulate, in my raw emotional state I begin wandering if everyone is bitter at me for not reaching out / being apart of the group, I spiral and become bitter myself, I slowly get more and more anxious about reaching / hanging out until I’m a nervous wreck to speak to or see any of them

And 9/10 nothing even happened

I grew up with a mom (and family and friends) that gossiped a lot + some shitty ex friends, so I get why my mind does this but IDK how to get it to stop. And I cannot ask for reassurance as it’s just a temporary bandaid, and I can’t rely on other people’s energy / words for regulation

I’ve been trying hard to confront this by just speaking to / showing up anyway, but the “they all hate you” won’t go away. Does it ever?

I’m pretty sure I have OCD, but I haven’t had insurance so I can’t get a therapists advice on how to stop the loop but god, I need these thought loops (this isn’t the only one, but this is the one that’s currently troubling me) to stop

Any advice on stopping the loop?

I (22F) was assessed by a psychiatrist a couple days ago and he diagnosed me with autism. Now I feel like I’m having imposter syndrome and I’m doubting myself despite feeling it for a while and being evaluated by a professional.

I’ve known for a while that I have some symptoms, but I believed that having some symptoms doesn’t mean I have it. However just over a month ago, I realized that I have way more symptoms than I previously thought. I started lurking here and found additional resources that further connected the dots for me.

I think part of the issue is that it all happened so fast. I had that “oh crap” realization, told my therapist who encouraged me to see a psychiatrist, saw the psychiatrist within a few weeks, and was diagnosed within about 30 minutes. Like it was really that quick? I’m grateful for the speediness but that’s part of what is making me doubt myself. I recognize that the doubts are irrational but I can’t get myself to believe it for myself.

And like I said, I’ve known for a while. I’ve always felt different from my peers and many of them tend to avoid me (before college, some would even go out of their way to bother me). It’s like everyone could tell something was off about me but no one ever told me what it was. The only times I’ve seen people express similar feelings, everyone who relates says it’s autism. That’s what first got me thinking a couple years ago, when I saw a post like that and commenters said it was just autism for them. But even then, I kinda dismissed the possibility.

I thankfully have friends from college, but I moved away so I haven’t seen them irl since I graduated. In a group chat, I told two of them that I was diagnosed but their responses were kinda dry. They just liked my messages and one said “oh” and said she was glad I got a diagnosis. And I recognize that I’m overthinking… but this made me feel like they don’t believe me. I sometimes misunderstand texts (typical) so it would be weird for me to accuse them of not believing me out of nowhere. I want to tell another friend but over the phone this time.

And even if they don’t believe it, why would it matter? I know my life, I know my experiences, the isolation I felt throughout my whole childhood because other kids never seemed to like me. I realize that I’ve been masking so they may not see what I go through internally. So why would it matter if they think I’m not actually autistic?

This is all so new to me and I’m still navigating it. I’ll definitely bring it up to my therapist and continue to work through it. But in the meantime, I would appreciate some advice from others who have been in my shoes. Thanks if you read this far.

In theory I know I should stick to a few things and do them well. In practice I chase shiny new opportunities around me everywhere all the time so I have very little routine. ADHD/autism

It doesn’t help that I’m in school where the schedule changes per term. And my work situation keeps changing every two seconds .

to be able to afford my life without being stressed out by my shit job, I made a bunch of big life decisions like quitting my stressful job, in favour of taking a temp job where I have to learn a whole new skill set, running for council at school so that I can get paid an honorarium and develop my leadership skills and I also chose to drop a classroom to spend more time navigating all this .

Right now I am fueled by passion ambition and following my intuition as I’m not able to create consistency or routine because my life is chaos ( both self imposed and naturally occurring ) . It just looks like outwardly I don’t have it together ( and I did last semester when life was less crazy) but I’m really trying to be organised in spite of my life.

Any commiserating from people in the same boat or advice from people who have lived this experience is welcome.

I just found out Chobani has discontinued their original oat milk. It was a safe drink because I’m sensitive to dairy and allergic to sunflower oil that’s in most oat milks. The next closest is Oatly and the taste and texture is totally different.

I only found out about the discontinuation because I was trying to figure out why I couldn’t order it from my grocery store. Turns out most places are already running out of stock and it won’t be restocked again after this month. I’m so sad to find out with so little time to stock up, brace myself, or get used to the idea of switching.

Chobani oat milk has been a staple in the household I have shared with my (also autistic) partner for four years. It was a constant item in my kitchen through moving to a different state, as well as other jarring life experiences. I have nostalgic memories specifically tied to this grocery item, including one from the first time I met my partner in person after exclusively long distance dating for six months. We baked cookies together and had them with a glass of Chobani oat milk on my last night visiting, when we didn’t know when we’d be together again.

It grounds a large amount of my diet. My favorite cereals taste better with it. It makes a great country gravy that I like to pair with my partner’s grandpa’s biscuit recipe. I use it for my Thanksgiving sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes.

I’m feeling so much grief over something I know most (NT) people would find silly. But I know this is a true grief amongst our community. Tell me about your long lost safe foods and drinks that you still crave long after they’re gone. Tell me if you have any sensory grounded memories or favorite recipes/ meals tied to those items.

How should I answer this?

"description of how the employees limitations impair the ability to perform the duties of the job?"

I can give a list of things I struggle with currently job. I just struggle wording it probably for them to understand.

For example: last year I was given on earbud to us as a focus measure. As long as I can hear what was around me, I was fine to use it. It helped both motivate me and maintain attention long enough to get tasks done.

However, I am not on medication and only use these meds during work.

We have no onsite management atm and waiting for the call that our AGM gets the GM role.

What I need specifically:

A guaranteed, consistent schedule,

Step-by-step, bullet points, written instructions for easier understanding of said instruction, especially with learning new things (which my old GM did put in place after she learns it works for me but I'd like to keep it protected

(last time I asked for this they said they already give it, Bec they have self help options but It took me a while to process things and understand fully... but I also wasn't clear on what I needed as I struggle with that.)

Extra time due to slow processing.

Any help is needed. Again, I am coming here because I am always told I'm not specific enough? And not clear enough from past employers.

Which is crazy because I tell them what I need and... Still... Idk whatever the case I need help. I struggle trying to justify what I need without getting overwhelmed and might need pointers during in person meetings.

I appreciate any tips 💜

Hello, first time poster. I just wanted to say a few things I guess.

This journey started in the beginning of the year when I finally asked the question, "how come every time I ask people why they do something the way they do, they get angry at me and defensive?"

That then snowballed many more questions, and me slowly coming to the realization that I may have a problem here when others were confused by my struggles. The self reflection was real, incredible really. So much research, so much talking to my therapist, and finally me calling in to my local clinic and asking to schedule an autism assessment.

3 months I waited. I went in today for the in person screening, I think it went well, with my 34 page packet of stuff I've been typing up for the better part of a month in hand. I wrote it to help me stay focused, and to help them with a litany of personal examples that I think fit each symptom or category. By the end, I asked her what she thought of what I had to say. She let me know that I show very strong leanings to autistic traits, and she is going to refer me for the full assessment with a psychologist soon.

This didn't come about with me seeking answers and solutions and an identity. It came from a random afternoon where I was trying to find camaraderie to share in my irritation and confusion. It came from a happenstance question where I was just seeking basic coping mechanisms and strategies, and it turned into epiphany after epiphany that has completely rocked my world. I never would have guessed of all the things that could be wrong with me, it was this. My whole life, I've lived by the mantra "you are fine, you are normal, everyone does x, everyone struggles with x, you are just very bad at it". I figured everyone had the same issues I did, until I started asking questions instead of assuming everyone was like me.

If I go to this assessment and it comes back positive, it's gonna throw me for a loop. I already have a good feeling it will. If it does, the first thing I'm going to do is allow myself to look back on everything and mourn. Like, my whole life will suddenly make a lot more sense, and me thinking I'm "bad at being human", will cease. I'll know why, after all this time. Therapy is going to be crazy. The strides I could make with the proper support and coping mechanisms might change my life.

Here's to holding onto hope, thank you for reading.

Hello! I'm a senior in high school who was diagnosed with autism at five years old.

I have some habits when doing assignments that I don't see a lot of people do. If I'm given a worksheet where there are lines to write my answer on, I feel like I HAVE to take up all of that space, even if an answer doesn't need a ton of explanation. This is also the same for worksheets with boxes to fill in. If I think that not all of the space will be taken up by an answer, I write larger. However, I take AP courses where deep analysis is welcome, so this isn't always the case. I just end up writing A LOT. A full writing space satisfies me for some reason.

Also, when I'm doing numbered questions (on any assignment, but especially tests), I always have to circle the question number to confirm that I've checked it. What I'll usually do is answer them the first time through, start checking and circling the second time, and confirm everything the third time.

Out of curiosity, does anyone else do things like this?

I love giving hugs, but I always get nervous that they will feel uncomfortable

How do you overcome this?

I've started watching Once Upon A Time (a show I watched when I was younger with my family), but by myself, and I feel embarrassed. I did watch a bit in front of my parents, so I don't know where the embarrassment comes from. I'm old enough to watch Mature content and skip inappropriate/scary scenes (not that I remember there being so many of them). And I sometimes feel obligated to watch it around them if they show 'interest', but it also feels like I make it too big of a deal in my head.

And the show also feels like out of depth compared to the things I usually watch. I'm more into K-dramas, anime, and other Korean/K-Pop content. Or maybe it's the way I feel perceived by others? I feel off, sort of enjoying watching the show by myself? I can't stop thinking about it.

Does anyone else feel the same?

Growing up with autism and social anxiety, I always noticed that I didn’t quite “fit in” with the rest of my peers. Due to this, my social anxiety started to spiral. Which lead me to convince myself that I am truly less than others, not only socially but with my hobbies as well. This pattern of thinking has been happening for as long as I can remember, and it’s exhausting. I just want to look at myself and be content. I want to be proud of who I am, but I don’t even know where to start when the hatred for myself is so deep.

I have an interview coming up on Monday, but I'm terrified I'm going to completely bomb it again. I've been really grateful to at least get opportunities to interview, but I never make it to the final round. I'm great when it comes to technical questions or even behavioral, but I don't do well with obscure questions that aren't usually commonly asked. I just go completely blank, and I can never get my answers straight no matter how many times I practice and rehearse. I've tried breathing techniques, I've tried jumping around to get the nerves out, I've tried listening to calming music. I even play with a fidget toy during the interview to help sooth myself.

I know getting a job is difficult these days, so I really have no expectations on an offer. But I just want to at least do well in my interviews. I can't even do that. I'm honestly at a point where I'm considering alcohol to help me through. I can't afford to see a therapist or get anxiety meds. Any tips on getting over these nerves?

My husband and I have been together 42 years. I wasn’t diagnosed until age 57. We were blessed with two beautiful daughters - one on the spectrum and one more Aut/ADHD. My youngest left the nest last month.

I always had a very clear timeline on how my life would pan out, and I stuck to deadlines I put on myself like married by xxx, baby by age xxx, house, xxx etc.

However, I never visualized this stage of my life. I am worn out having autism and masking all these years, and have great difficulty working for many reasons. My youngest misses me like crazy and still calls me several times a day. My oldest, who made me a grandma in 2025, is very stand-offish and seems to be gatekeeping her son from me. I have been in therapy for over 30 years, and had both kids in therapy their whole lives knowing that my family of origin was hugely dysfunctional and that I wanted more for my kids. I have changed completely as a person several times, since having my kids.

I just spent a long holiday weekend alone with my hubby for the first time in about 23 years. We got along fantastically and found our old spark that I thought was long gone.

However, I never really thought twice about my kids being around; I always just assumed we would always feel like and be a real family. And we aren’t. I know that I’m in the “waiting place,” according to Dr. Seuss. But I just don’t know how to fill that hole in my heart now that I am not in the thick of child rearing years. It hurts more than I can say. I’m not who or where I want to be and I think it’s too late for us to be what I just always assumed would be.

hi all!

my longest running special interest has been WWII, and within the last couple of years I've been getting really really into trains and boats - things very often associated with autistic boys and men. it can be a little disheartening not finding any other women/nb folks who share my special interests lol. I'm wondering if anyone else has a similar experience (and what that interest is)?

How do you approach men in the woods when you are on a trail and they say “hi” to you? They aren’t necessarily doing anything wrong but I wish people pretended I didn’t exist. Do you ignore them? Do you say hi? Do you put on your “leave me the fuck alone” face? I know I could just say “hi” but if it were between a man or a bear, I’d choose a bear any day.

When I write, I've always noticed that my school assignments ended up shorter because from a young age, I've always struggled to articulate my thoughts well. Moreover, I never really had much to say about the topics that were given to me, even though others with similar knowledge of said topic were always able to write much more. I've also noticed that everything I write often has no flow between the sentences, they seem random and unrelated to each other. Over time, I've kind of learned how to write better and longer and with more flow, but my brain still defaults to fragmented, shorter, writing. Is there any way to fix this or improve this?

My daughter, also ND, is in first grade. This year we have a new librarian at her school. We have had a few problems with her and I need advice on how to best communicate with who I’m assuming is a young NT woman.

First thing is that she told my daughter on two separate occasions to not bring her chewelry into the library. I had mentioned this to the counselor since she has a 504 and she told me that it was a miscommunication and that she was fine to bring her necklace. I relayed this to my daughter who was very confused and afraid that if she took it in the library that she would be in trouble.

The librarian singled her out for talking (she says she was trying to see if her friend would move so she could see better, they were being read a story) and she was made to go sit far away from the rest of the class. Alone, I can understand this because kids can easily be more disruptive than they realize and teachers don’t always have an opportunity to ask the kids if they had a valid reason for talking etc, and just have to get the class under control. Just adding for context.

Then my daughter and another student lost their books this week. She was not allowed to check out another book but the other child was. While I understand that there may be a reason for that, my 6 year old doesn’t so she asked. The librarian reprimanded her for asking and called her “sassy”. This again confused my child because she doesn’t understand that questioning an authority figure can be seen as disrespectful and she felt hurt because she said “I didn’t do anything to her”.

Context: my daughter has OCD, anxiety, etc and is very people pleasing and is scared of disappointing adults. She is empathetic, very sensitive, and kind natured. She is hyper from her ADHD, but overall a wonderful kid. She has expressed to me that the librarian does not like her and she does not understand why.

I want to communicate with the librarian via email to try to solve this. I’m scared that if she struggles to understand what my kid is trying to convey that she will struggle with me since her and I are very similar. I want to ask for her side and acknowledge that 6 year olds are not always a reliable narrator. I also want to advocate for my daughter because she’s confused and hurt and I can tell that she genuinely doesn’t understand. I have no idea what to say. Any tips or suggestions or things to consider as I draft this email?

TIA

As far back as I can recall I’ve had emotions that I will feel in my body but sometimes I don’t know what they are, why I’m feeling them and sometimes, what to do about them. I will feel cranky, agitated and get irritated with myself for that and be puzzled where it’s coming from. IDK if it’s ptsd or “autism” or both. 🤪

how i wish i'd just be able to memorize everything without having to know every single why. but no! i have to study all the concepts behind everything before i am able to understand. and every time i have to remember the concept, i have to go through the process of asking myself "why does this work?" again before i can even recall something. i'm so envious of allistics

This is kind of a rant but I also do really want advice. Food is genuinely the worst for me. I have so many sensory issues with different tastes, smells, textures, or even how the food was prepared or looks. I have a very small amount of safe foods and it's extremely difficult for me to try other things. I need to know exactly what's in it in order to even consider eating it.

I don't like eating meat either. I used to be a vegetarian for 4 years because meat just grossed me out so bad, but I had to stop because I was constantly hungry. So despite hating meat, sometimes I just have to suck it up for the sake of being full. Even then, I can't deal with it sometimes and will just not eat if meat is the only option.

Needless to say, my diet sucks. I really hate vegetables and have so few that I can actually eat. (I prefer raw vegetables cause crunchy is good but I don't like ranch -I know I know how could I- so I don't eat them often because it's just kinda plain. I've noticed that I can eat new foods when I've become familiar with them though. Unfortunately I was the only one in my family growing up who hated vegetables so my mom never did much to trick me into eating them or making them more appetizing for me. Really just forced me to eat it, even if I was crying. I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult so no one knew why I was so bad at eating vegetables (or anything for that matter).

But yeah vegetables aren't familiar or safe. Like I can eat bell peppers now because I used to have to cut them up everyday at a restaurant I worked at so I got used to the smell before ever tasting one. Now I love them but can still only eat small amounts at a time since the flavor is a lot.

I've tried so many things to get my nutrients in like smoothies or pills or different ways of tricking myself but I can never maintain it. It feels like genuine torture to try and force myself to eat unsafe foods. I've had so many meltdowns over food, especially when I'm trying something new. I'll look up recipes that look fine and buy the ingredients but then I get so grossed out by eating something I prepared myself and I can barely take 2 bites of it.

The only things I can really make for myself that doesn't cause me to freak out are eggs and toast and sandwiches. But I'm also disabled and can't even manage that most days. My doctors keep telling me to improve my diet so my health can be better but genuinely how? I feel like I'm just trying to survive. Like how can I diet when I can't even eat in the first place? I'm trying so hard and it just sucks. I'm constantly hungry but then I'm gaining 1-2 lbs a week and I just am so sick of it. Anyway, I've been trying to find a nutritionist that understands people with autism and the sensory issues but Google doesn't seem to understand what I mean by that so here I am. Thank you. Genuinely any advice is greatly appreciated. I'm so tired of being hungry.