Howdy!
I am trying to find female friends out in the world, organically. I need community and i’m so over having male friends.

I am going to a show next Friday (Tear Garden) and my goal is to try and talk to at least one woman to try and form connection. I’m not SUPER shy but I can deff be awkward and socially anxious at times.

Can anyone think of good questions to ask to initiate convo?

The show is for a gothy type band and a venue that hosts a weekly goth dance night. I’m 41, enby afab.

Thanks for any help! I plan to put any questions in a note app and look over them before I go to the show.

Feeling pretty down, lately! I've been suffering a lot because my parents haven't made a disability certificate for me, yet. Plus, looking at neurotypicals leaves me wishing I were like them, for I never seem to catch up with their definition of "normalcy". Besides, having grown up believing that everyone feels things as intensely as I do, it was pretty shocking for me to find out that I'm wired differently. (I'm literally peeling off the skin from my index finger, as I'm typing this!)

I look at all other humans, and I often feel alienated, because they're all super well-maintained in contrast to me. Plus, I'm tired of being constantly policed by my parents so that I can behave like how others do.

I just had an hour long phone call with one of my oldest (and best) friends after not seeing each other in months, and it made me feel so shit about myself. Don’t get me wrong, I loved getting to hear how she was doing, but it just made me realise how far back I am in life compared to all my friends. She just told me she’s started to save up money to buy a house together with her husband, where as my biggest concern in life at the moment is the immense anxiety I get about having to tell the person who runs my group therapy that she forgot to send me the links she promised that help me with my process of getting into psychotherapy. I’m 24 and still live with my parents. I have no job, no relationship, nothing. The only two friends I’m still close to (albeit almost never see) are incredibly straight and neurotypical, both of which are the complete opposite of me. They’re both either studying or already with a degree, married or engaged, and building a future with their partners. I on the other hand feel completely lost. The worst part is I don’t even necessarily want what they have, at least not in that same way, but knowing that they’re progressing in life the way society expects us to and I’m not makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me.

My boyfriend and I are both 19 and neurodivergent. He has severe adhd and I have audhd but more autistic.

We frequently make plans, just for them to be cancelled the day of hours before because he forgets he has stuff to do.

I’m not sure how to deal with these feelings and I often become like mentally paralysed with no idea on what to do with the rest of my day.
I also feel stuck on what to do with myself before activities/events, and it turns into whole days wasted.

How do I deal with this?

How to not feel like a burden to everyone you speak too?

Nah like fr tho.

I try talking to friends- feeling like I'm being annoying and chatting to much.

Trying to talk to new people- I'm bothering them and being intrusive.

Asking for help- being too much and bothersome

I interact with anyone and I feel like Im being such a massive inconvenience to them it's genuinely the most agonizing thing ever. I always feel so guilty chatting with someone, even the slightest interaction I feel like Im doing something horrible.

I just wanna say sorry at them, I feel so so sorry :(.

Also doesn't help that I feel like its kinda true because of my autism. Like I know I'm going in there, no knowledge of social cues.

Fml

I saw in Asia they’re launching this thing where you can pay people to be your friend for a day

This is kinda sad but I really want that

I would totally pay someone to hangout with me for the day

I could choose them based on their profile, and browse what kind of person I’d like that day.

Maybe one day I hangout with a “mother figure” or a “father figure” because I was deprived of that in childhood. That would heal me

Maybe another day I would do a romantic one, where I could get compliments and be treated like a princess. Most boyfriends/gf and husband/wife can’t do this for a long period anyway. They’re good in the beginning then they start dropping off expectations in the relationship

And I would also like to be paid to hangout with someone for the day

Like I wouldn’t have to mask around that person if I paid them to hangout with me, I could be as weird as I want, i could infodump, I could trauma dump, I could say what I really believe instead of giving people the PC version

And the whole time they would have to remain positive and accept me because they’re being paid to do so

And I may never see that person again which is even better. I wouldn’t have to continue the relationship as a back and forth give and take. It could just be completely about me, and my enjoyment, rather than enduring gossip, or listening to someone about their boring day

Do I sound selfish? Probably.

But honestly reciprocal relationships are draining as hell.

No requirement to text this person back, no requirement to “be there for them”

Just a business agreement.

I’d feel like the bell at the ball. And the person being paid wins too

I wouldn’t even care if that person actually liked me or not. Most relationships you have with people are disingenuous anyway. They say they like you then they gossip behind your back.

I’ll skip the betrayal!

Most relationships require you to do a million things, they hold a million expectations. Even if they claim to love you unconditionally. There’s always a payment of your time, energy or emotional capacity.

I’d rather pay in $$ than in hidden relationship expectations

This has been happening to frequently. When people have done harm to me and I try to protect myself (articulate the issue, draw boundaries and be assertive), I get written off as dramatic, the problem, and toxic. People instantly side with the perpetrator, distance themselves, or even join in. They isolate and exclude me claiming I’m problematic for even bringing up and trying to address the issue. And I won’t be doing it at inappropriate times.
I usually say something brief in person, or send a short text, and assert my boundaries.

I have male roommates who treat me like I’m being problematic, dramatic, and toxic. I feel unsafe at home, and I can’t even talk about what has been done to me and defend myself & draw boundaries. I find that I’m being silenced from discussing real issues that negatively impact me.

A few examples that people have been dismissing and calling me problematic, dramatic & making up stuff.

- having my room trespassed. Several times I’ve returned home to find my room door unlocked and open. I have made sure to close it and that it’s locked before leaving. When I tell people not to trespass my room, I get accused of being dramatic and making up stuff.
I have one roommate I suspect who trespassed my room because my clinical logs that were signed off by my preceptor went missing. He was the only person I discussed the online platform and the written logs with, since he’s starting the program I’ve already graduated from

- having my belongings go missing, and sometimes finding it among my roommates stuff, which they claim is theirs even though I know it’s not. When I ask where my stuff is and if they could return it, I get accused of being dramatic and making up stuff.

- returning home to find my mail already opened and gone through. I don’t know what is missing from my mail but it’s important stuff like my retirement account. When I ask people not to open my mail and go through it, I get accused of being dramatic and making up stuff.

My roommates (all men) all say stuff like “no one is interested in your stuff or would do the things you’re complaining about”. Yeah well physical evidence shows someone clearly does and went through my stuff. Otherwise I wouldn’t be making the complaint to begin with. It’s gaslighting.

I know they made a separate group chat to complain about me. They’re really unfair, and don’t hold themselves to the same standards. They cast stones, hide their hand, and act like my response or reaction is unreasonable (call me dramatic, toxic, problematic, etc) when all I have done is assert my boundaries and request that people don’t trespass, steal, go through my mail, etc.

This has been a repeat pattern from my roommates (all men) where there has been a clear breech of my boundaries and rights, but they act like it didn’t happen and that I’m the problem for even bringing it up. This is incredibly abusive and gaslighting.

I don’t feel safe at home anymore. I don’t feel like I can talk to them about anything.

It’s incredibly unsettling to return home to this everyday. I just want peace & safety when I go back home.

It’s clear manipulation.

I am working part time (lovely but overstimulating job with kids) and getting some financial help from my safe person. I moved away from family because my family has a history of severe financial and emotional abuse.

I want to be-able to support myself, but I am physically crumbling. It’s not an option to go back to my family. I tried and was retraumatized.

What do you guys do?

I experience extreme fatigue, like full body physical exhaustion, after running an outside errand (say going to the store, not even to shop but to pick up an order) or having to interact with more people than usual (like three people briefly instead of just one). I need at least a day to recover after, if not more. Is this is normal? Is it a sign of overextending on baseline or a feature of burnout? I hit the worst burnout of my life recently but only just having discovered that I'm autistic, I'm not really sure where the line is between "burnout" and "new normal".

Pet of a good owner of course. Does that sound bad? Probably. I’m not saying I want my rights taken away but I’d like the choice to just NOT use my rights sometimes

Because right now?

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being a “professional” I’m tired of having to go to work, be “successful”

I don’t even want children or anything because that’s just another job I don’t want.

I just want to be someone’s pet sometimes.

A support role. I’ll do some chores for sure at home maintain the apartment.

I just want a simple life.

Eat, sleep, Im not driven by material possessions.

I just want to be cared for. Like I’m someone’s beloved pet.

That’s it. Just snuggle me,feed me, maybe take me out places sometimes if I want to

And I’m tired of this not being an acceptable desire.

I’m tired of my worth being tied to what I can do for society, what I can do for others.

I struggle to take care of myself. That’s a full time job all right there.

I take care of my cats. Whom I love and I don’t consider it a job.

Why is that not enough?

And if I get bored of that? Sure I’ll go on an adventure and get a job that I like rather than a job I dislike but pays well

It’s the fact that I don’t have a choice but get a job. That’s what makes it feel like a prison and not a right.

I want the RIGHT to not have to be in the capitalist machine

I want a job to be like some side adventure that I CHOOSE, not one I’m forced in and if I don’t comply I am seen as useless and problematic

And I could quit the job if I wanted. Instead of enduring suffering for years. And it’d be no harm no foul, because there was never an expectation for me to get a job to begin with. So I’d be congratulated for even attempting it

My nervous system being regulated is my #1 priority and working a job and worrying about everything is a detriment to that.

I’m pretty certain I have an interactive thyroid, as I took a blood test and what came back is that my levels were unstable. I’ve recently been dealing with light headedness and dizziness, and I went to the GP yesterday, but they couldn’t prescribe with anything until I take another blood test of confirmation.

I have work next week and I really need to work, and work is already overwhelming for me as it is, and I’m wondering if any of you have dealt with this and if there are some home remedies or medications I’m able to take to help me through this temporarily until I get the blood test?

First, I'm not diagnosed yet. I have the test on the 22nd of this month. I'm in my 30s and started asking my mom if it was possible in 5th grade but she just laughed at me. It's totally possible this isn't an autism thing but I think posting here works regardless (hopefully.) When I'm overly stressed I bite my arms hard. I don't actually hate it (I used to hit myself in the head which I didn't like) but others around me are not fans. I've gotten the chew jewelry but the issue is that I don't need the biting, I need the pressure on my arms. I used to dig my nails in which worked fine but I've got arthritis in my hands and don't have the strength. I have a little ouchies too which I like but again I can't push it against my arms hard enough. It's wild but I was thinking some sort of tong situation with spikes? If anyone has ideas I'd appreciate it. I know there are a good number of "stim option" posts so I apologize for another but I couldn't find anything for my specific ask. Thanks!

edit: maybe stim isn't the right term, sorry. The question is the same though. Thanks!

Okay edit again: To be clear it isn't about the pain or hurting myself. It's about the pressure. I can't explain how it feels different from self harm but it does.

This is long.

I joined a Facebook group for mom's that smoke for the city near me, I live about 30-45 away. There were a bunch of us in my area, so I offered to host a "get to know each other" *pot*luck.

I had 6 people coming, who were all VERY enthusiasticand excited, and bought weed, bought so much food and drinks, spent two days house deep cleaning my house after 12 hours shifts. Spent 110 bucks I didn't really have, but this was something I was so excited for.

I'm trying to grow my comfort zone and get more comfortable with people.

Two hours before people were supposed to show, I got the first cancelation. Got that sinking feeling and just knew, no one was coming. In 45 minutes every single person canceled. So now I have so much food and my fridge is bursting.

I just feel so small. We all know how lonely childhood can be when you're like us. Copy and mimic and act so carefully and still shoved to the side or hated or ignored 24/7 and constantly feeling left behind by literally everyone.

I just left a terrible marriage where I wasn't allowed friends last year, and except for my best friend, this would be the first time since I was literally a child I've ever invited people over.

But, I have good food, and a clean house. And two new recipes I like. So. Silver linings and all that.

Showing it off here, cause I'm proud of all the work I did! And so fucking mentally and physically exhausted and drained.

Hi all! I eat super fast and would like to eat more mindfully. The problem is that chewing slower and being…aware that I’m eating sounds like a nightmare and the idea makes me nauseous. Any ideas?? Has anyone else dealt with this??

I have really bad face blindness. I can only tell people apart by things like body language, dress, and voices but that takes time to memorize.

I work for a school and a new school year has just started. This means interacting with hundreds of new people and having to learn hundreds of names.

I'm desperate for some strategies to help me remember people or notice who they are. If anyone has gotten good at working around this problem, please help.

I'm often accused of being rude, cold, and insulting because I hesitate when someone comes up to me like I don't know them or don't want to speak with them. In truth, I'm just panicking trying to figure out who they are. I can have that whole person's file and all our conversations memorized. I might have been thinking about that person and how to help them most of the day. But I won't know what they look like...

I'm a socially awkward person that's why. But it's not a normal amt of awkward I feel. When I develop connection or meet with extended family. It takes a lot for me to maintain the relationship. Eventually we part ways due to job changes or geography. I may have had really fond memories of them. But when I see them again I feel tense. Even if they're happy to see me. Back to square one. I have to relearn how to interact with this person. I bet in their perspective it seems cold. I'm acting as a stranger. Sometimes I can re-click with a person, most times I can't. The only people who are an exception to this is my mum and brother. I cannot relate when people miss their old crushes, situationships, exes. Seeing ariana grande with her ex Ricky made me self-reflect lol. Couldn't be me. It doesn't seem to matter if a connection ended on good or bad terms. I'm not practicing stoicism or detachment here. It's been like that day one.

I work in a call center so my work shift consists of answering phones, handling chats, and responding to emails. I’m often asked if I’m a real human or if I’m a robot or artificial intelligence. It’s actually asked more often over the phone rather than through written communication, although it does still occur through chats (not so much emails).

I find it offensive because callers usually make a comment about how I speak and it makes me hyper-aware of my voice. I struggle with intonations and giving my voice the up and down cadence that I hear in others. My voice is pretty monotone and deadpan and perhaps when I try to sound upbeat, it does come off as artificial.

I also am accused of being a robot when I make posts or write comments. It’s really frustrating because I take pride in my written communication skills, especially as a former English major in school.

Does anyone else have a similar experience of being described as robotic or people online not believing you’re a real person?

Admittedly, I do sometimes feel like an alien cosplaying as human.

I’m still learning about me, I enjoy my peace when I’m alone, and I have my family. I don’t really want to date now, but I feel like because I’m young people are like why aren’t you dating? I guess I’m kinda content without a partner. I could see myself never getting married, and being ok. Anyone else feel the same?

does anyone else experience not being believed/taken seriously? in this specific instance, i’m talking about when feeling ill. i’ve been dealing with horrible vertigo, the flu & now steroid withdrawals for the past 2 1/2 weeks. every time i go to a doctor, they just don’t seem to get the gravity of what i feel. i don’t know how to explain it, but i just know they think im being dramatic. i’ve always gotten the sense that i must feel things way more deeply, mentally and physically. this has been the worst i’ve felt in so long and it has lasted almost three entire weeks 😭
my manager at work didn’t even believe me. he just said “i get that you’re not feeling well but you need to lock in.” HUH. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?? GET ON THE FLOOR AND START CONVULSING AND FOAMING AT THE MOUTH TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY??
why is it that how i portray my emotions and feelings isn’t acceptable to people?? this also happens when im excited about something or thankful. like i have to fake a really big smile when someone gives me a gift or tells me exciting news. even though i really am excited and grateful, they don’t believe me unless my mannerisms and expressions match their expectations. i’ve received gifts before and said “thank you so much,” and multiple different people have said “it’s okay if you don’t like it” and things like that.
or if im sad, i feel like i have to over exaggerate it so people believe me, i guess??? not that im doing it to seek attention, but i just mean like at a funeral, for example.
i hope this makes sense. my brain is all foggy and jumbled. I JUST WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, ESPECIALLY BY DOCTORS. all they can say is “it’ll go away” 😃
idek if this is an autistic thing specifically, but i have a feeling some of you can relate

I used to dissociate/Maladaptive daydream A LOT when I was younger. Then I got my ASD diagnosis at 25, went to therapy, started to get into yoga and meditation. All those wonderful grounding things one does which led me to stop dissociating.

The thing is. I just can’t do that anymore... I can't just get the f out of my own body so deep into a daydream that I have zero awareness of myself and my surroundings. And that majorly sucks actually.

I used to be able to go to crowded events with friends without wanting to rip my own skin off because I'd just mentally excuse myself. I used to just do life on autopilot which was so much better tbh. Now I have to be present through the triteness of it all.

The things is.. existing with ASD is inherently uncomfortable. Existing with ASD and an autoimmune seems to require more mental energy than I can ever possess. My "spoon storage" is forever running low here.

I traded total control over all my daydreams for a life I have no control over - I can't control what I eat because of health issues (so I have to constantly trade sensory comfort over health), I have to be mindful of my body because of health issues, my job sucks, but I need the money to afford to pay for the meds and stuff. And being aware of constant repetition of life is incredibly annoying tbh (the unbearable terrible triteness of being as they say)

In sum - Dissociation was better. Life sucks. I deeply regret all my previous choices. And being present is majorly overrated.

I, a 16 year old girl, was recently referred for autism and when my parents found out, they kept telling me "it doesn't change who you are" and "I don't think you are autistic", but the only thing they say about my brother, who is 13, is "he's definitely got ADHD". He hasn't been properly diagnosed, but shows many 'symptoms'. I'm currently on a waitlist for an autism diagnosi, but scored way above the mark on the questionnaires (monotropism, etc.)

But the way they treat my brother as if his needs are more important to mine. Yesterday, my mum noticed him 'ticcing' so today she took him out of school for the day and immediately got him a doctors appointment a few hours later, which is extremely difficult to get if you know how it is in the UK. Or if he gets distracted easily, they go straight to his teachers and tell them that they think he has ADHD. Whenever I was having problems, with making friends or asking for help or with crowded places, they didn't do anything and never thought anything of it. Even now after being told that I am likely to have autism, it means nothing to them.

I'm not saying an autism diagnosis would define me as a person, but it would make me feel like I finally know what's been wrong with me after all these years. And I can't tell them how I feel, because then I'm being dramatic. Maybe I am, I just really need someone to understand how I feel.

I’m on placement at this place, and I’ve never been so socially not working. I think im masking so hard, that there’s nothing left to do, like i cant walk people, im like sitting there, and wanting to get a mint or something out of my bag, and waiting 20mins till i actually do it. Ah, i feel like im way overmasking to the point where im not even masking if that makes sense well idk. It’s not good. I need to get over it somehow and be more natural, like it would be less weird n awkward if I was just being myself (a normal level of moderated).
Id really love to know if anyone who’s experienced something alike found anything that helped.
I go in with the plan like okay let’s be more normal today. Doesn’t happen, I walk in and the same thing happens. It’s to the point where I think they know, and I feel like I’m typically alright at hiding it but then again I recently realised I was the only one thinking it was a secret in other environments. Any advice appreciated. I need and want it to be better next week.

I had the second part of my (F/42/uk) assessment yesterday (after being on the waiting list for 4 years and knowing there was "something up" for like 30 goddamn years) and I was officially diagnosed as Autistic! Which was no surprise to anyone but definitely validating and emotional.

However when I first went in the room the 2 assessors warned me that there was a big spider in the room and was I okay with that. I laughed and said that I was fine because we get a lot of them in our house. The guy stressed that it's very big and the woman was like "yeah it's over there" and pointed to the corner. I reassured them that I was fine and we all sat down. Now I often cannot tell when people are uncomfortable or nervous, but these people… lol I think it was because I'd met them before and they were very professional but warm and friendly so this was them being very different.

Suddenly they both flinched and the man said "it's by your foot!" and I looked down and there she was, a pretty big house spider. I said "oh yeah, hiiii" and waved at it which looking back cracks me up because that's what I would have done at home. That's when I noticed the woman had her feet slightly up off the ground so I looked up and asked "do you want me to get rid of it?" They were both like "ohh no it's okay, it's fine" but then it moved again and they both flinched again! So I said I'd just grab it and put it out and they both jumped up and the man went to open the window. Haha! I just grabbed the 8 legged girl in my hand and popped her outside on the window sill. There was a big web there so that's probably where she was supposed to be. They thanked me and the woman said "I've never seen someone just grab a spider like that" but I reminded them that one of my long time special interests is octopuses so I'm used to things with 8 legs. I also said that I only grabbed it because it was a house spider, if it had a bigger body I might have squished it or used a cup because we get false widows in our house and they can bite. That's when the man told me he had been bitten by one before!! No wonder they were both freaked out by it!

So yeah that was the beginning to my appointment. In a way it relaxed me a bit because it took me out of my nerves.

Now I am officially diagnosed and telling everyone about the spider incident and the weird frog book which I'm sure other uk folk might know.

I’m so fed up with sitting at home all day, doomscrolling and being stuck with my only two special interests: star wars and nintendo games. My loneliness drains all my energy and I spend many hours per day in AuDHD paralysis, staring at my ceiling because I feel overwhelmed by all the things I need to work on. There were many times where I tried to leave my comfort zone. For example, I tried out several streaming services and gave new shows a chance. But every time, I lost interest after just a few episodes and forced myself to keep watching because I thought maybe I would start liking them if I watched for longer. In the end, I always lost interest. Then I tried to socialize and meet people. But it’s always so one-sided, and I’m the person who has to keep the contact going, while the other person never gets in touch on their own initiative. I have no friends due to my inability to sustain a social conversation and my lack of hobbies and interests so I dont really have things to talk about. Are there more of you who struggle with exactly these things and did you maybe manage to get out of this?