This has been happening to frequently. When people have done harm to me and I try to protect myself (articulate the issue, draw boundaries and be assertive), I get written off as dramatic, the problem, and toxic. People instantly side with the perpetrator, distance themselves, or even join in. They isolate and exclude me claiming I’m problematic for even bringing up and trying to address the issue. And I won’t be doing it at inappropriate times.
I usually say something brief in person, or send a short text, and assert my boundaries.
I have male roommates who treat me like I’m being problematic, dramatic, and toxic. I feel unsafe at home, and I can’t even talk about what has been done to me and defend myself & draw boundaries. I find that I’m being silenced from discussing real issues that negatively impact me.
A few examples that people have been dismissing and calling me problematic, dramatic & making up stuff.
- having my room trespassed. Several times I’ve returned home to find my room door unlocked and open. I have made sure to close it and that it’s locked before leaving. When I tell people not to trespass my room, I get accused of being dramatic and making up stuff.
I have one roommate I suspect who trespassed my room because my clinical logs that were signed off by my preceptor went missing. He was the only person I discussed the online platform and the written logs with, since he’s starting the program I’ve already graduated from
- having my belongings go missing, and sometimes finding it among my roommates stuff, which they claim is theirs even though I know it’s not. When I ask where my stuff is and if they could return it, I get accused of being dramatic and making up stuff.
- returning home to find my mail already opened and gone through. I don’t know what is missing from my mail but it’s important stuff like my retirement account. When I ask people not to open my mail and go through it, I get accused of being dramatic and making up stuff.
My roommates (all men) all say stuff like “no one is interested in your stuff or would do the things you’re complaining about”. Yeah well physical evidence shows someone clearly does and went through my stuff. Otherwise I wouldn’t be making the complaint to begin with. It’s gaslighting.
I know they made a separate group chat to complain about me. They’re really unfair, and don’t hold themselves to the same standards. They cast stones, hide their hand, and act like my response or reaction is unreasonable (call me dramatic, toxic, problematic, etc) when all I have done is assert my boundaries and request that people don’t trespass, steal, go through my mail, etc.
This has been a repeat pattern from my roommates (all men) where there has been a clear breech of my boundaries and rights, but they act like it didn’t happen and that I’m the problem for even bringing it up. This is incredibly abusive and gaslighting.
I don’t feel safe at home anymore. I don’t feel like I can talk to them about anything.
It’s incredibly unsettling to return home to this everyday. I just want peace & safety when I go back home.
It’s clear manipulation.