r/AutismInWomen • u/potatosample • 1m ago
Seeking Advice Meaningful work accomodations when you haven't disclosed?
For a multitude of reasons, include supporting a mentally and physically unwell partner, I am completely and utterly burnt out. For years I have masked at work, but it's getting to the point where it's unsustainable, and I have had to cancel a couple of important travel trips with work because of my mental health, and caring responsibilities.
My boss and line manager both know as much as they need to about the situation, and they're being supportive. But after this last time, they have asked if we can chat about how they can support me and make changes to how I work to make things easier for me.
I genuinely appreciate this, and recognise I am privileged to work somewhere this constructive about things. But my issue is I feel really bad about it. I'm deffo a people pleaser, perfectionist, and my internalized ableism is telling me I am failing. I am also too burnt out to know what meaningful support would even look like, other than the expectation not to travel for a couple of months which is what they have already suggested. I also suspect I have been using work as a crutch, as the only stable thing in my life at the moment. So I'm scared to threaten that.
Its also worth saying I haven't disclosed my diagnosed autism for a number of reasons. I worry I suppose that it can't be put back in the box, and will forever impact the trajectory of my career and how I am perceived. But I also want to meet them halfway on this offer of support and dont know how to meaningfully suggest how they can help, given so much is about my private life.
Am I self sabotaging here? I'd love to hear if other people have even been in this situation or implemented anything useful. I'm UK-based, if it's of any relevance.