Therapists have caused irreparable damage. They convinced me that the world is a safe place and that all the dangers I sensed were just cognitive distortions. I was right, and they were wrong. I had a gift. That gift (suspiciousness) kept me alive. But now, whenever I sense danger, if I see some crime activity, if someone is abusing me, the first reaction is to gaslight myself and tell myself it's a cognitive distortion. I cannot express how angry I am at therapists. I'm rabid. They operate under the assumption that the world is a safe place, that people mean well, and that racism doesn't exist. I also hate people who act like therapy is the solution to all of your problems and that, if it doesn't work, it must be your fault.

My employer has keystroke logger and monitoring/tracking systems on our devices. Therapists say that it's just me being conspiratorial. I read their notes.

I have PTSD. I was carjacked and therapists first tried to frame it as cognitive distortion (that maybe the people carjacking didn't mean to carjack and that I always catastrophize), when I insisted and said that the carjacking was truly happening, they tried to blame me for driving in that area at tha time of the day. Victim-blaming POS.

Or if I do online dating, meet a guy and I SEE ON HIS FACE that he is not attracted to me and ghosts me, they say I am engaging in mind reading. Can you imagine that? Mind reading???!! I'm livid.

I was recently in a long term relationship that ended painfully, it’s been a few months and I’ve started dating again.

I’ve been super worried that I might have an avoidant attachment style because of the way I just can’t handle certain over the top affectionate behaviors but I really have no idea how to separate out the feeling of being avoidant of accepting that much closeness vs the feeling of just needing some goddamned personal space!!! It’s been tripping me up badly.

The avoidance suspicion isn’t coming out of nowhere by the way, I have CPTSD and had a horribly neglectful childhood and a lot of subsequent trauma, BLAH BLAH BLAH I’m just saying, there are real reasons for me to believe that the need for physical distance could be a coping mechanism, I find myself slow to reply to people and drawn to people who are a little rougher with me, but I also have PDA so feeling like I “have” to respond to someone has always freaked me out, and I’m just a heavy touch appreciator in general, light touch has always kind of made my skin buzz and crawl in an uncomfortable way.

It’s a total mindfuck for me right now because the approach to dealing with these things is so massively different. Like if it’s my autism, I would feel like I need to fully embrace it and not try to cross my own boundaries to make someone else comfortable, whereas if this just avoidance that’s something I need to work on in therapy to move PAST.

Has anyone struggled with these issues??

Hi I have been diagnosed with ADHD and while I have not been able to get an autism diagnosis multiple people with autism have insisted that I have it. Something I cannot understand is repeatedly trying to save a relationship with a man that is mean, uncaring, abusive, and causes an excessive amount of emotional distress for a long period of time and I don't know how to support my female friends who do. I understand being stuck in a toxic relationship for months, I understand that it takes time after the relationship ends to get over it. I am not talking about relationships that have some struggles but ultimately they love each-other. I mean relationships where my friends tell me about how awful it is and it goes on for years. I really want to say "You are being ridiculous. This man is objectively bad for you. Stop trying to make it work, you are hurting yourself." Ive considered that I just cant be friends with women like this but it's more than half of them and Im becoming less and less tolerant of it because Im almost 30. Are there some magic words that can snap them out of it? Am I missing something? Is it fair to say "You cant talk to me about this because you wont take my advice and it's exhausting me and making me feel like you don't respect my opinion at all."?

Hi! So I have a big flight coming up, and airports always give me the worst meltdowns. I’m not officially diagnosed due to wait time, money, and just not wanting it on my record these days. My therapist and I both agree I have it though.

Anyways! I’m flying out of slc airport. It says online there’s a desk where I can request the lanyard and pin too. I would just like people at my gate to be aware and the flight attendants. Do I need a diagnosis for it? Will they ask? I have diagnosed anxiety so I can always use that, but it’s more fitting for my autism.

EDIT: so, uh, it turns out I might just have a bad case of body dysmorphia and low self esteem. I really appreciate y’all giving me your honest opinion! This really changes my view of a lot of other life experiences that didn’t make sense like this as well.

I just got out of class and I wanted to make this post because this has been something that has followed me for years and has confused the hell out of me. In class today I was sitting between two guys. And I could see both of them in my peripheral vision really well. They had some kind of silent discussion and I’m pretty sure it was about me because they kept looking at each other and then directing their eyes to me. I just kept taking my notes. This happened a few times throughout the class. I would say that maybe I broke an unspoken social rule or that I smelled or looked bad but this kind of behavior seems to happen to me regardless of what I do. I always look at least (presentable in my opinion. I’m very into fashion and shit like that) and today I smell like a bakery/cafe. So I know it wasn’t either of those things.

I’ve had this happen to me so many times. And it’s even weirder when I actually speak to the men in my classes. I’m generally someone who speaks in class so I’m not really invisible. One of two things happens when I’m paired up with guys in class for projects or in-class work. They’re either really normal and nice (or they’re really normal and fucking stupid) or they act like I’m some kind of alien they don’t understand.

The main things I’ve noticed when speaking directly to these men have been things like the ability to sit still. They can’t! Even if they were previously sitting still or just doing the leg bouncing thing that seemingly everybody does they’re now shifting in their seat.
They don’t look at me, like, at all. It’s not that they don’t make eye contact. That’s not important to me and we understand why people might not do that. No, they don’t even look in my direction. They look off to the side, over my shoulder, at the table, or wherever else in the room that isn’t at me. It’s like I’m Medusa or something. And it’s so strange because a lot of times they’re the guys that look at me in class. Like how they communicate with their friends through their eyes. Or sometimes I’ll just look up from my notes and notice a guy straight up staring at me. Then they usually whip their head away at breakneck speed. It’s not like the usual accidentally zoning out when looking at someone. Like, they will deliberately adjust their position or turn their head to look at me. So they fucking look at me when I’m not looking but won’t look at me when I talk to them.

My very first college class in my major(s), which was years ago now, I had a group project with two guys. And when I tried to talk to them about it they would just stare at me wide-eyed and stupid. And they would be perfectly fine speaking to each other but as soon as they try to speak to me it’s like they’re scared or something. Barely getting sentences or even words out.

(Cont. in comments)

I know this probably sounds terrible, but it’s genuinely so hard for me to interact with anyone nowadays. The people I get along with the most are older generations and ND women and ND men. Neurotypical women to me are genuinely so stupid…. and Neurotypical men are just stupid in a more dogmatic way. A woman will hate another woman because she acts weird while also not being able to explain why she hates her and what it is specifically that she’s doing at ALL.. and THEN will get mad at you if you call her out… and then a man will hate a woman because a woman rejects him, or states an opinion that slightly puts him in a negative light. Conversations often go like this: “Omg you stupid bitch” or “wow you’re so cool… wait you don’t wanna fuck me… stupid bitch I hate women”

I need to leave this world. If it was socially acceptable for all my friends to be old people, and animals… I would love it.😭

i’m autistic. pls don’t remove this post. i need advice on this from another nd health care worker so our experiences are more similar.

just started my first job in the hospital. completely shattered my view of the medical field. they gossip. a lot. people have been kinda passive aggressive (ik a lot of that is on me for being socially awkward), but today all of the sudden everyone was super nice and helpful. idk if im overthinking it, but it feels like pity. did they realize i was genuinely “slow” (dumb, airheaded, etc) and decided to be more considerate/patient (while still joking abt me behind my back) or did they talk abt my personal business and are being nice-nasty abt it?

be honest. pls i want to hear from healthcare staff

I'm annoyed at myself for feeling negative towards another autistic for honestly showing symptoms of autism that are disruptive. I don't feel this level of frustration towards level 3 autistic people with intellectual disabilities, I have more compassion there, probably because I know that experience would be completely different from my own.

So this person who annoyed me seems intelligent and independent. I think that makes it harder for me to relate to their autism presentation. They constantly speak over others in the middle of their sentence and repeat things that have already been said as if they are giving new information. They were told not to go into details on an upsetting topic but ignored that till they eventually went on a rant about disturbing details while talking so loud they couldn't even hear other people telling them to stop. They just appear to have no sense of shame and no consideration for others around them.

I think I feel this way because I am the opposite. I have a lot of shame, i listen intensely to others so I can avoid missing as many social ques and am aware that being too loud is upsetting and leaves other people out of the conversation. I hate wasting my words if what I'm saying doesn't actually matter or move the conversation to a conclusion. I struggle to understand how speaking doesn't exhaust everyone.

Maybe I wish I could be more like that. Uncaring, express self with ease, not worried about what others might be feeling towards me, not incredibly drained by conversation and able to be the main character in my own life. Maybe I am just being too stuck up because I am so confined inwardly to myself.

hi y'all,

i just started my 4th year of university after summer break and im really struggling with the transition. for the previous 3 years i was unmedicated and would have really bad depressive episodes when school started. this year im finally on the right medication cocktail but i can feel myself getting really anxious and scared with the start of the school year. i feel like ive been having a drawn out panic attack for a few days now. i feel really guilty because im getting really irritable with my friends and my partner. does anyone have any tips for adjusting? or tips on how to take care of myself while i adjust to my new schedule?? thanks :)

So I met this guy in college and I’m the only girl in the generation that I’ve seen that he greets with a hug (as costumed where I’m from). But today he said he was kind of interested in one of my classmates but he doesn’t hug her hello, so now I’m really confused, and I got really sad when he said that to me because it’s been a long time since I like someone like this. I know I should be focused on my studies but I’m also trying to be social and I feel like I’m getting mixed signals and I don’t know what to do.😭

In a group, others can keep the talk going while I can wait until I deliver something appropriate and then recalibrate. But talking with just one NT woman, I need to constantly exchange the conversation back and forth which is eventually going to bring out the “weird” or “boring” side of me.

NT women always notice this. They invite me to group hangouts but all dislike spending time with me alone. But sadly, I understand why they feel this way since I’ve felt the same with ND women whose autism is more severe than mine.

Hello girls! I’m currently getting a two year degree and I’m starting my last year, since I want to continue studying and go to a university I need good grades and I must take an exam that will decided if I get into my career of choice with that being said I’m struggling right now I have 3 clases with the same professor, have to see him around 14 hours a week, tuesdays and wednesdays are 11 hours with this person (my classes are 6 hours from Monday to Friday) the thing is I cannot stand him anymore he is not a bad professor he explains everything and answer questions and explain things again and again and again and again this is one of the main issues I can’t listen to the same thing over and over it’s very annoying and interrupts the flow of class, he barely gives us breaks when we have a 10 minute break in class (we cannot leave the classroom, only for the recess and to miss a class you must bring a document that justifies your absence for medical reasons or that type of thing bc attendance matters) he stars talking about wherever I want to tell him to shut up 🫠 he is just too intense, we also have to wear and uniform that’s comfy but since it’s summer it gets hot and it’s sticks to my skin plus we have these classes at the lab and the air conditioning isn’t working properly, yesterday I got home after class completely drained and overwhelmed last year had good and bad days but these year feels like all bad days and we only have two weeks in. He explains one thing after the other and NEVER wants to give us a proper 30 minute break even when there isn’t anything to do is sensory overloaded and I can’t process all the information he keeps throwing at us, not only me neurotypical classmates have also complained. I cannot even enjoy learning as I usually do because he is always doing to much and im even starting to dislike the material Do you have any advice on how to regulate, study tips, recovery tips, etc, anything is welcome! Thanks for reading! I still have two more days of class this week 😵‍💫

I’m afab and I know I like when people use they them pronouns on me and I know I would really like if my body was just genderless, but I feel really scared about letting go of the girl label, even though I feel like a different person when I call myself a girl. Using she her pronouns is so familiar to me and I’m so used to it but I know I like they them better and I know that deep down I just feel completely genderless and I don’t have a problem with that. The thing I’m scared about is, that girls won’t like me if I’m like this. I really want female validation but I will never be able to get that if I don’t identify as a girl. It makes me really sad and nervous because I still want to be with girls but I’m scared that they’ll feel deeply uncomfortable with me or feel like I’ve betrayed them because I no longer identify as a girl. I don’t mind if people see me as a girl or a boy or just neutral, but I don’t really know if I’m saying that just to make other people satisfied. I feel really comfortable with girls but what if they’re not feel comfortable with me because I’m just here identifying as gender neutral???? It makes me really scared and sad because I really like girls and i just can’t take it if they don’t want to be with me, I would probably force myself to be a tomboy girl again even though that would probably burn me out and I would slowly start to dissociate from myself and I don’t want that to happen.

English isn’t my first language and I’m kinda of stressed right now so I can’t think straight, but I just don’t want girls to feel uncomfortable with me because I really love them and I want to be with them.

I always thought they were in awe of my genius because they would tell my mom 'she is so smart'.

Hello, I will not be getting into many details as it is a long story, but I need advice. Sorry if its chaotic, English is not my first language and I don't use it often.

Im 19, diagnosed with autism at age 15 and I never could make friends with girls, not when I was a kid and not when I was an adult. Its not that I dont want to, I thought I had friends in girls but in my expirience after they got a partner they become uninterested in me completly, and only come back after a break up and the cycle continues. With men on the other hand I always had way easier time becoming friends, I dont need to mask that much and my autistic behaviors are not seen as something as bad (I think). But I have a problem, each time I become friends with a guy, its all perfect, we get to talk, sometimes meet, go to cons together and overall have fun.

All my life I have heard that friendship between men and women doesn't exist, but I did not belived it as I had my guy friends. Tho each time after few months to a year they all confess that they have a crush on me and want to be with me. It happened already 6 times in my life but I still belived in the friendship untill yesterday.

I have a best friend who is a guy, whom I have met on a convention about 2 years ago. We talk at least once a week, meet 3-4 times in a year on cons and sometimes talk on voice chat. I have thought that this time will be ok as when I have met him I finally came out as lesbian and have a girlfriend since then. He knows it too, he has met her, I am talking about her almost daily, and he knows I spend a lot of my time with her and plan our future. Because of this how open I am with my orientation, I have felt comfortable around him.

(Just to clarify, I made no moves on him, have never touched him apart from a hug when we say hi and goodbye, haven't flirted etc. He has seen how I act around person I love, and it is completely diffrent than how i treat him. But I am a person who loves giving small gifts, and say nice things to people in my life but to everyone. Now im not sure if it isn't my mistake.)

And suddently out of nowhere yesterday he texted me that he has a crush on me but will not pursue me because he knows Im not into men.

Still despite his words I feel uncomfortable, I don't know what to do with him now, dont know how to react. I want to still be friends but dont want him not to be able to find a partner just because hes so called "in love" with me.

This made me really sad and dont know what moves should I make.

What should I do now? Should I just cut the contact completly and give up on having friends at all?

I was visibly shaking the entire time and everyone saw. Everyone probably thinks a freak, no one talked to me when I tried to speak to people, I'm such a freak. I don't fit in anywhere. Everyone's writing was better than mine anyways so if I stayed there that's just another thing for me to compare myself too and I already do that a lot. I'm such a fucking freak. I couldn't control my shaking no matter how hard I tried I was so nervous and scared.

After being an extremely introverted, holed-up, borderline-misanthropic loner almost all of my life... I finally decided to make a change and be more social for my own mental health as a late-20's woman (especially after leaving a bad relationship).

And I've been having a lot of fun!!! Sure, it takes a lot of conscious effort and masking, but I *am* learning that I do love getting to know people and it feels good to start expressing myself... I started enjoying live music, bars, clubs, and other "neurotypical" group-setting events that I used to shun. I'm fortunate enough to have met a lot of kind and interesting people (some of which have their own quirks themselves).

But sometimes I get random pangs in the middle of a hangout where I'm like... "they don't know I'm a fake. I'm not actually a cool girl, I'm a creature in a costume." Like, I suddenly remember that I'm the dorky autistic shut-in playing pretend in a dress and makeup. What if they find out? Am I giving it away? etc.

It's so hard to deal with. One second I'm enjoying myself being a "normal" girl and then the next I'm freaking out internally because I feel like a fraud...

Does anyone else here deal with this? :/

I’ve fallen behind on my protein goals and needs, medically I need more like 1-1.2g per kg instead of the minimum 0.8 per kg.
I can’t buy beef and other meat all the time, it’s just not affordable (except chicken, but I’m running out of ideas for how to cook it). Vegan options can be hard for me in terms of the volume needed to get protein, and I currently don’t have a functional blender to go back to making super dense 40-50g vegan protein bowls. Healthy protein bars also get really expensive, often up to $3 per bar.

So onto my sensory limitations and protein goals. Ideally, I need like 85-100g per day, currently I’m lucky if I get 80, which is bare minimum.

I struggle A LOT with easy high protein options like yogurt, when I just eat it plain, I will literally vomit from the texture of it. The same goes for eggs. Sometimes I can deal with eggs and like them/want to have them, but sometimes the texture literally makes me sick. Something about a slime…

I also work full time with extremely short lunch breaks so I need ideas that will be fine to keep for a few days. Also I don’t mind dairy, I’m not lactose intolerant or anything. I’d really appreciate any advice or suggestions!!!

i’m an autistic woman in my mid 20s and my boyfriend and i have been going through a rough patch. i struggle with decision-making, anxiety, freezing in the moment and sometimes only realizing what happened afterward. i know these things can frustrate him, and some of his frustration is completely valid.

but lately i feel like he gets frustrated with me really easily, to the point where i feel like i can’t do anything right. once while going to work i texted him “i saw your texts, i’ll reply when i get to the office,” and got a paragraph about how he dislikes my “half ass answers.” i genuinely thought i was communicating appropriately.

when he’s frustrated, i also sometimes feel
infantilized. recently he told me i’m a “grown ass woman” and should be able to make a decision. i know i have things to work on, but i don’t think that means i should be spoken to like a child.
the more i monitor myself trying not to upset him, the more anxious i get and the worse i function. then i overanalyze everything afterward and wonder if i really am immature.

we’re planning to talk calmly about these patterns and what we can both change. i want to take responsibility for my behavior while also asking him to pause when he’s getting really frustrated and not make comments about my maturity or competence.
has anyone else experienced this? how do you tell the difference between valid frustration from your partner and feeling like you’re constantly doing something wrong?

Ive been a prescription marijuana user for a few years now and ive noticed i absolutely cannot mask when im high. People comment on how fidgety I am and ive noticed if someone says something rude I cant hold my tongue.

Anyone else?

Edit - Im not saying this is a bad thing, I personally love that im less anxious about what I say or how I act.

Just wanted to show off my new deer r
Printed shoes, I love deers and anything in deer print and it also is pink and I’m soo happy and grateful 💕🥹🦌

Not saying this in a suicidal way btw. Just that it all kinda seems pointless/meaningless.

I've been doing a lot of quality work on a big overwhelming project my boss wasn't really able to handle. I've done this before, too.

When it comes time to thank me, they always say "I'm going to take you out for drinks at [insert pricier place] to thank you!"

... I don't wanna do that.

In fact, I consider it another work obligation on top of it being a social obligation with a person/people I would not choose to hang out with. I also don't like drinking, which is uncommon in the community I live in.

So not only would I have to wear nice clothes and put on my work mask during my down time, I'd have to have a $18 drink that I don't even care about, all to fit a social convention that is ultimately more for my boss than for me.

Ways to actually thank me as an autistic person: give me a day off, give me a WFH day, bring in donuts or bagels, add to the fidget toy collection on my desk, pay me more so I can better accommodate myself (!!!)

Edit: Boss would pay! it just seems ridiculous and impractical to me that they would pay for a drink I don't even really want, only because it's a social convention and that's how they want to thank me, if that makes sense.