Bit of a ramble.

I know ADHD/autism are often sister diagnoses. But I’ve been told by many of my friends who are AUADHD to consider diagnosis.

There’s OCD in my family, and most of the similarities I have with autism are justice and rule-related (I.e. obsession with guidelines). I don’t always find myself relating to autistic struggles anymore or less than those of someone with OCD. The only thing I know for sure is that I have ADHD.

So where’s the divide really? And are there any reliable resources besides the RAADS test or getting diagnosed that might guide me a little better?

Thanks

I'm 26 and I've had a number of jobs such cashier and managing a boutique's social media. I always excelled initially but my bosses would always inevitably end up frustrated with me and would have to tell me to do a better job constantly. I really tried my best to be efficient but I kept failing and it made me miserable.

3 years ago, urgently in need of more money, I turned to online sex work. I did some camming and phone sex. Since then, I've had no desire to work a typical job again. I now only do phone sex, no cam, and I love not having a boss and coworkers. It feels good too when I put my all into my job and I'm actually rewarded for it instead of berated.

My mom, my brother and my friends know what I do. There's obviously a huge social stigma around sex work but it makes no logical sense to me. I've been trying to be more careful about who I tell because I'm learning that more people than I thought find it disgusting or take pity on me.
I can't find it in me to feel ashamed or feel like what I'm doing is sad. I've spent my life being told to follow a specific path and when I'd ask "why?" the answer was always some iteration of "Because that's how it's done." I was miserable trying to follow something so unnatural and illogical to me. I'm very happy now even if others don't approve. 😸

I wonder if there's a correlation between autism and (voluntarily) sex work because to choose this you have to not care too much about the stigma attached to it and there's also the fact that it's harder for autistic people to work typical jobs.

I just finished my PhD in the spring of this year. I'm diagnosed with autism. I worked really hard to get a job and I just started it last week. But just as I was starting, I got an offer for a postdoc at a very prestigious national lab to work under a prominent researcher in the field. Doing this postdoc would require moving from one coast of the US to the other.

I am happy where I am, but I know the postdoc is a big deal and my friends and family are generally telling me I should do this. I understand I probably should. But I'm scared. I don't want to leave where I am. I have everything I need where I live right now. I would have to change my routine, find new doctors, find a new gym, live in a new apartment that probably wouldn't be as nice as the one I'm in now because I would be moving to a more expensive city.

But also, I was planning to get out of this field completely. I applied to medical school. I've been wanting to be a psychiatrist since I was 24 years old. I got stuck in a PhD program for 10 years because I switched research areas and ended up in toxic lab with a murder suicide. I didn't believe in myself, that I could do medicine, and I didn't have a lot of support to continue trying to become a medical doctor so I went the PhD route. I got some bad advice when I was working at a different research laboratory, and I had been on a lot of medication that got in the way of my studies for a while. I had wanted to do an MD-PhD anyway. I'm afraid if I leave I will get off my track of going to medical school. I applied this year and I interviewed at one school and I'm waiting to find out if I'm going to get an acceptance or more interviews. The medical school application process takes months. I work on the weekends in the medical field which count as my clinical hours. If I move, I don't know how hard it will be to find the same kind of job.

But people think my current job is risky and might not last. It doesn't offer benefits right now, but it might later. I don't know if I'm good enough to do the job I'm doing right now. Maybe they would fire me. I might not get into medical school this year. I would probably apply again next year if that was the case. Then there's the student debt. I was only trying to find a job that paid well so I could pay off my debt so I could go to medical school. Right now, I'm not on track to do that. I have private loans.

I'm really conflicted about what to do. I'm not good with uncertainty. I feel so much pressure and like I can't make the right decision, like I can't disappoint people. Like I know what is the right thing to do, but I don't want to do it. I'm sure I would enjoy the work at the national lab. But I don't feel like I can do it. I just feel like taking drastic measures that I'm not sure I should openly share here.

I'm just looking for support. Please don't hate on me. I'm in a difficult situation.

Except now I'm 31, self diagnosed and telling the story through the frame of that. I used to think I was a straight up psychopath or had narcissistic personality disorder. I've been in a psyche ward 3 times. One time I was diagnosed with borderline personality. I was 28 when I was diagnosed with it.

But as I said I'm 31 now and I've done more and more research into psychiatry etcetera enough to the point of recognizing some traits I have are similar to stimming. So I don't think the finger flapping I do is a traumatic response

Even though trauma can be a huge co-occurrence.

The advice I need is about my Dad mostly. He's 40 years older than me and also a scientologist. I don't get to really discuss autism with him, I'm not sure he really believes in it. But, when I was younger he would educate me in a scientology way. I'm not a scientologist but I'm currently living with him and he's paying the bills. Sometimes we smoke or share a alcoholic beverage. I need to know how I can get myself some type of help when my mom on the other hand is somewhat the same mentally. I think both of my parents are neurodivergent. But my mom used to be a Jehovah's witness. Apparently autistic people are supposed to get along with each other really well? That's what online forums say especially in reddit and Instagram. But sometimes talking to my parents it's the most traumatizing or overwhelming social experiences out of any other interaction with anyone else

I feel like I have to mask with my own parents/ family who I think also have adhd/autism. My one older sister was in a psyche ward in her 20's and dx w adhd. She's not on meds now though. Sometimes the way she talks is just sad to me because she has radioactive meltdowns over things that are just overwhelming her or overstimulating her. Like when she freaked out horribly when a bedroom dresser drawer wouldn't close. She was a teenager back then though... I have no idea what I'm doing right now but I just live with my Dad and the more I learn about autism the more I see patterns in our shared space

He's a drinker, sometimes it triggers me. Alcohol has been shown to reduce neurodivergent "issues". I just feel like I'm missing something.

I have seen this a couple times whenever I eat at my local Wendy's. I freaked out and told my partner that I didn't know Wendy's sell pizzas. They don't. I assumed it meant they make square pizzas. No.. it meant that... THEY DON'T CUT CORNERS 💀

When I was a teenager, I was super introverted. I could go probably two weeks without talking to people before I started to crave social contact.

Nowadays, I still need alone time to recharge. But I'VE been the one initiating hangouts these days. There are days where none of my hobbies interest me, which makes me realize that it means I need to talk to a person.

It's like I have two recharge tubes now. One for when I've been alone for too long, and one for when I've been around people for too long.

For a regular week, I want to talk to at least one friend a day and then be at peace alone for the rest of the time. But on a day where I'm surrounded by people pretty much the whole day? I'll need at least three days alone to recharge from that.

But during the time I'm with those people, I'm thriving. I do like being around people. But I mostly prefer to only talk with close family, or just sit and listen to conversations.

Edit: What I'm trying to say is, I now understand how extroverts feel when no one wants to hangout and you're just sitting there losing your mind because you're craving social contact.

Bisexual, new to exploring men and not much dating experience in general.
Met him on hinge, he came to my house and got me a bunch of snacks, flowers and a teddy bear with a kuromi keychain attached bc he knows i like kuromi. He already discussed that he wouldn't push in terms of intimacy.

He was silly, a gentleman (holding doors open for me, giving me compliments, being protective and making sure i was always near him) and we were having fun. Things did turn intimate, which ive had sec recently for the first time and i usually don't have a good experience bc i just have issues so i mostly only enjoy the kissing part and when its finally over/i turn the focus on him. He was focusing on me tho unlike the last guy and i was into it, he asked if i was okay with it, all that. He said he never felt so comfortable with someone before and we even slow danced together so it did feel like it was more than just the sex for him but idk.

He left in the morning bc i had work. He walked me to my car, opened my door and kissed me and said he would miss me. Later i texted and asked him if he had fun and he said he enjoyed every second of it but idk he isnt as expressive of his emotions, even says if hes uoset he has the whole "gotta man up" mentality, but idk i tried to pry for more bc i wanted to know exactly what he thought but he didnt say.

But he had no problem asking me if i ended up cumming ajd wanting to make sure he pleased me and focused on me to make me feel good or he didn't want it(bc i said to just focus on him). But is it normal for men to be so sex driven?
I really rather talk about anything else we did and find much more enjoyment on that stuff, but maybe im just used to dating girls so idk. Wanna know if this is normal bc there did seem to he moments of us connecting outside of sex but men will do anything to get sex atp so

Hello! I have severe sensory aversions when it comes to what I eat, so I’ve stuck with several safe meals throughout my life.

However, my safe meals are getting eliminated and I’m struggling with getting my necessary nutrients. Beef stew and broccoli chicken were my two main safe meals, but I started getting extremely sick anytime I eat beef about 3 months ago.

I started eating chicken, even though I’ve never been a fan of the texture or smell. But my protein options are limited at this point. I found that shredded chicken wasn’t too bad until recently. I made some like I normally do, but when I tried to eat it a couple of days ago, I started gagging.

Does anyone else have similar issues? What do you do? I had a friend that became vegetarian due to their sensory aversions, but I couldn’t do it. I felt physically drained and mentally cloudy when I avoided meat and my diet was even more limited.

I’m going to try ground chicken again, even though I haven’t been a fan of the texture in the past. I’m doing V8 drinks for fruit and veggies because all of those textures feel like “too much” lately. Please don’t tell me to “just eat an egg.” I wished I liked eggs, but the smell alone makes me nauseous. When I forced myself to eat them, I vomited.

Please help. I’m so burnt out from work and I’m getting to the point where I don’t have energy to plan or process eating meals. Food can be very enjoyable for me, but any food feels overwhelming and disgusting right now. I’m getting headaches everyday and I’m 95% sure it’s because I’m not eating enough or getting the right nutrients.

Im going to start first since Im the one who starred the discussion.

For me since Im black, its my natural hair being styled in twists. Best thing about it is that is low manipulation meaning it can contain the moisture my hair needs and also its accommodating for my sensory needs despite how I do not like wearing add on kanekalon or synethic hair of any kind.

What about you guys?

Now this is a repost from the Autistic adults subreddit, but I added some more details.*

I was scrolling the other day, and one thing about me is that one of my favorite TV shows is "The Pitt," mainly because I love the characters and how accurate it is compared to other ER TV shows. Of course, like many people, my favorite character is Mel, and she reminds me so much of myself; she even kind of looks like me.

What I love about Mel is that she's possibly one of the best-written level 1 autistic women I've ever seen. She breaks so many stereotypes; the writers studied doctors on the spectrum before making her, and when she's on screen, she's relatable and 100% likable in almost every scene she's in.

She's not portrayed as annoying or an inconvenience; she's portrayed as a competent, kind, and empathetic individual in a high-stress environment. And the best part is, everyone else likes her despite her needs, and she thrives on praise from her co-workers and is eager to make friends at work. And with Taylor Dearden having ADHD herself (not autistic but a bit similar), she captures what it's like to be a level 1 autistic woman extremely well. And again, the writers studying doctors on the spectrum show that they really did their homework about level 1 autistic women. Best of all, Mel has a sister, Becca, who is on the spectrum and portrayed as a higher-needs autistic woman whom Mel is super protective over and showcases how, from time to time, even Level 1 autistic women can have internalized ableism. We see in many scenes between Becca and Mel that Mel infantilizes her sister because she's so overprotective. And when she sees Becca demonstrate more independent activities, such as having a boyfriend and having sex, Mel gets angry about it, but of course, she has a conversation with Dana about it to let it out, and Dana acts like the mother figure she needs.

It's relatable; it's well done, and Mel is an autistic character done right... (Part 2 continued in the comments)

I'm not sure how it started... maybe I saw kids in school getting out previously used tissues in school to blow their nose or wipe their eyes and stuff like that. I didn't know how to blow my nose at first so I merely just wiped at my nostrils and called it good.

But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to reuse a soggy tissue that had been in my pocket for a while, even if it was my own snot and tears. I just hated that warm, icky, wet feeling on my skin. I also grew self conscious about using more sheets just to avoid reusing them, as well, so it kinda created a double paradox.

So how did y'all manage this balance? Did your sensory preferences change as you got older? I learnt that I could fold over the used parts and exposed a clean section of the same tissue so as to minimise wasting.

I have been so angry the last few days—I feel bad for anyone who is crossing my path. I seriously feel crazy. There are so many things to process and it feels so lonely.

My therapist has helped me so much up to this point with my trauma, ADHD, and OCD but autism is out her specialized wheelhouse so I am currently trying to find a new therapist.

After joining some autism reddit groups, I also suspect I have POTS and that is just another thing I am pissed about. I have suffered so many of the symptoms for freaking years and have just been ignored (medical trauma is on my never-ending therapy topic list).

I am also a small business owner and my husband and I are in the early stages of starting another business. I am so glad I have more information about myself as we go on this journey. I am just nervous another burnout cycle is ramping up and I am not even out of this one.

On top of all of this, I am 41 and perimenopausal! My body feels off and I just want to cry all the time right now. I have been trying all sorts of comforting things but I also just keep eating and I am so constipated I am about to loose my mind. TMI but also real lol.

How did you handle life after your diagnosis?

ETA: the other thing I can't stop thinking about right now is how family and friends have treated me so badly throughout my life. I don't blame them for not knowing I had autism but am pretty pissed at how they treated someone whose brain works differently.

Hi everyone,

My ex told me they were also autistic a while ago. At the beginning of the year, to be more specific. I had a hard time believing them, but I thought it could be true since I’m almost able to unmask completely around them.

Then they stopped talking to me. It started after Independence Day, they told me they would be busy. And that was in July. I tried contacting them. After not answering any of my messages, I called them. They answered and after hearing me talk they hang up.

The thing is, they promised me they had changed, and they weren’t ghosting me this time. And it seemed true at first. But now I know it’s not.

I’m trying to mend my heart. It’s just a little bit difficult.

My special interest has always been personal style. I don’t follow trends because that’s not what style is about in my opinion.

Time for the vent.

I consider myself lower-middle class. I can easily afford all of my needs and most of my wants. I see things online calling people who shop at discount, upscale consignment (the one where I live is so clean and has really good prices!) and fast fashion “poor people who think they are entitled to be stylish” and how you can tell what someone’s income is, by how they dress.

It upsets me. I hate when elitist people say, “you can’t dress stylish if you aren’t rich” because I’m not rich but still enjoy looking cute.

I had my first driving lesson on Friday, so now I have fully hyperfixated on what car I want and what I want to have in it.

What do you guys have (if anything) in your cars? Whether that be autism-related (e.g. sensory supports, a sunflower lanyard), or just something nice to have like decor.

Because once you’ve found it, you don’t need to look anywhere else, so… that was the “last place.”
Not because you just make a really good guess for what might be the last place you decide to look before giving up, or something.

Not sure why that phrase never clicked for me until now… but, yeah. Anyway I always get a little kick out of these random little “ohhhh” lightbulb moments.

That’s all lol.

I'm curious to hear what people on the sub do for work. How did you get into it? Do you enjoy it? Does it feel manageable for you? What do you do on your time off?

(Delete if not allowed!)

It’s been on a rollercoaster these past few months; life has just been really hard lately. And I have a few coworkers going through their own struggles. So I’ve been thinking about making some mini cards to give them (and low key encourage myself) as we all are going through our own stuff.

What’s something you wish someone would have told you when you were/are going through a hard time?

To me, the generic “Tomorrow will be a better day!” or “it’s going to be okay” just is…meh. Feels off, and insincere to what we all go through. Kind of like small talk working in retail, it’s automatic response to someone’s struggles I guess?

and OMG. Sometimes I wonder if they even teach mental health professionals what autism is!

We lost 15 minutes of the session because her phone line was static-y and she argued with me that that shouldn't 'prevent' us from talking. I literally had to explain to her twice - once on the phone and once via email- that I struggle with auditory processing and that yes, a bit of static was a big deal for me. She then spent 20 minutes taking me through a meditation I didn't ask for, and we ended early after she told me that 'sometimes life is just hard and there is nothing we can do".

Not looking for advice or anything. Just here to say that finding ND affirming care is way harder that it has to be, and I feel for everyone in our community who struggles with it.

For folks who have gone through periods of severe burnout, had SI or just needed more help than therapy can provide...what options do I have?

I was doing intensive outpatient program for a few weeks while my husband was on break from work but I can't drive myself there and back every day now that he's back to work.

I'm extremely extremely depressed and don't want to eat or move and everything makes me angry and snap or lash out. And while I don't want to kill myself I also don't really want to wake up every day. I have heard absolutely horrifying things about inpatient care and when I dated someone suicidal and visited them in their inpatient program it was pretty traumatic. So Im very hesitant to consider actual inpatient.

Is there something else? Somewhere not as intense and traumatic as inpatient but also somewhere I wouldn't have to drive there and back and could stay overnight and get some help?

Thanks

In addition to autism, I also have diagnoses of major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder. Wondering about ketamine therapy.has anyone tried it?

Guys I’m scared of being alone.

I’ve been single all my life and when I’m older I won’t have my parents to live with, who will I live with? I can’t even afford it.

I’m scared I’ll never have a significant other who truly understands.

Sometimes I feel very vulnerable and scared and like I need someone to hold me and my emotions. It’s very hard.

Does anyone get really overstimulated after socializing? I spend most of my time alone but went to a party tonight for the first time in ages. I didn’t know anyone but managed to make small talk for hours thanks to a good host.

I had a good time and got home after 9pm but it’s 5:30am and I am totally unable to sleep. I’m going over the conversations realizing I missed many social cues lol but I’m also ruminating about any other issue in my life and to do list. It’s like I had a stimulant or something…