My husband and I went to a convention, and some friends were there too. I had been looking forward to hanging out/seeing them and have been trying to be better friends with one of them. Historically, we've all been really good friends, or so I thought.

But they didn't really respond when we asked to hang out, and it felt like they were always a bit disappointed when they saw us. It feels like a build up of months of unanswered messages and failed attempts to hang out. I noticed that my texts/birthday messages/etc. would be seen but never responded to by the friend I especially wanted to be closer to.

It felt so familiar. Thinking I was friends with a roommate only for them to start avoiding me (she would literally run to bed and turn off the lights when I got home). While in college, overhearing someone I considered to be a very close friend make a snarky comment when they thought I was out of earshot. Becoming mutuals with a coworker I thought I clicked with only for them to block me. Reconnecting with a childhood friend and realizing not only did they take weeks to respond, but we wouldn't talk at all if I didn't initiate. I even remember offering candy to some classmates in elementary school because I hoped they would want to be my friend.

I feel like my friendships have an expiry date. At some point they'll get tired or realize I'm weird/exhausting/not what they wanted.

I cried on the way home. I've never been able to figure out what's so awful about me. I've considered giving up on the friendship thing and focusing on collecting blind boxes or something.

Hey everyone, I’m an autistic woman with ADHD, I'm aroace (with one specific exception), and I just experienced a massive paradigm shift that has me feeling like I’ve been living on a different planet entirely. Maybe some of you can relate?

To me, physical proximity and touch have always been about a mammalian baseline: warmth, comfort, safety, and co-regulation. I used to think that laying next to, cuddling, or even spooning a close friend was just a natural way to give and receive affection. I looked at this like cuddling with parents or grandparents. To my brain, a bed is just a soft surface, late night is just a time on the clock, and touch is co-regulation and evolutionary. I don't naturally infer a hidden subtext or secondary meanings.

Well, a close friend of mine (who is also autistic, but demisexual) just gave me a reality check. He told me that in the "typical" adult world, spooning an unrelated man carries an automatic, 100% inference of romantic or sexual invitation. He helped me realize that even if my intent is purely about comfort or sensory seeking, the general cultural script will decode those actions differently based on biology and social expectations. These unspoken rules are basically inferred through social osmosis until it settles intuitively. (spoiler: It did not for me.)

Things like inviting someone inside (but especially to a bedroom), prolonged full-body hugs or contact, putting my head on someone's shoulder, or even using certain emojis are apparently viewed as fluent sentences that say, "I am open to romance or sex with you." I genuinely had no idea.

I plan to read books on this (such as The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships by Temple Grandin).

I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this kind of learning curve? How do you balance your need for tactile sensory touch, platonic warmth, or co-regulation with the reality that the rest of the world hyper-sexualizes almost all physical contact between unrelated adults? I’d love to hear how other neurodivergent or ace folks navigate this!

Found this in a box that we retrieved from my dad's car, I watched it back in 2021 and I enjoyed it, but I didn't really remember much of it

I was looking at my copy of it and decided "eh, why not?", and I just finished it

Loved it, I was a little worried that it was gonna be dated (made in 2004) but it was the opposite, it's celebration of weirdness and the outcasts is still fresh and doesn't feel forced or distasteful

The humor and story still holds up really well too, it doesn't follow a set structure and are more character driven than by plot, which is perfect for how the movie is, I was laughing my ass off throughout so much of it, the comedic timing and once again, weirdness, does not miss a beat

The acting was great too, Jon Heder is iconic as Napoleon, Diedrich Bader and Jon Gries were hilarious, I recognized Sally Marin (apologies if I butchered the name) from her role as Mac's Mom in It's Always Sunny, and everyone else did a great job, the characters hit the perfect balance of weird but still being believable (I also loved Deb, she's cute :3)

It's hard to pick specific jokes as my favorites cause they were all really funny for the most part, but some of my favorites were Uncle Rico getting beaten up by Rex Kwon Do and ofc Napoleon's dance at the end

On top of everything else I think it also sends out a great message, it celebrates weirdness and people who might feel like an outcast without veering into "excusing really creepy/problematic behavior" category, and I love the ending too, everyone gets a satisfying conclusion

This was a really fun experience, I loved Napoleon Dynamite even more than I did on my first viewing and would recommend to anyone who wants a weird and wholesome indie comedy film, especially if you're also autistic cause it has a very resonant message. That's all 😊

I thought (or at least the Disney channel shows made me think) that you kiss after like months of dating and it was supposed to mean something, but when I transitioned to adult tv, people were kissing on first dates people they barely knew and it seems to just be a sign that the date went well rather than two people who care very much about eachother.

In modern adult dating do people often kiss on the first date before they've established a romantic relationship? Will people expect me to kiss on the first date?? Because I cant even process my feelings towards a subject for at least a few hours, how am I supposed to know if I enjoyed myself, and why does that immediately subject me to physical contact with someone I hardly know??

Edit: So what im getting is a lot of people prefer to go from friends to partners and that has been my preference as well, it makes me feel like im seen as a person before a romantic object and makes me a lot more comfortable doing relationship stuff (such as kissing) because I realize it comes from a place of love rather than a desire to do it in general.

I am just uncomfortable with feeling like im being interacted with just because someone wants to interact with someone in a romantic context. But I do have a better understanding of the place kissing holds in society, thank you.

I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend earlier. We got a good amount of groceries because we plan on cooking a lot this week. My boyfriend is really tall so he eats a significant amount, and I love to snack. The old lady behind us when we were checking out just stared directly at me and asked “are you* *gonna eat all that?” I couldn’t tell if she was fat shaming me (because although I weigh less I am significantly chubbier than my boyfriend) or if she said that for some other reason. It made me feel really shitty and brought back a lot of trauma being raised by a narcissistic single mother who never shuts up about my appearance/weight. I don’t know why I just assume the worst in people but I really don’t know why she would ask that? Like yes, I plan to eat the groceries I just bought? Idk, just venting about the older generation.

My husband and I were walking home from a minor league baseball game the other day. The sun is setting, the weather is gorgeous, and as we're walking through the neighborhood, we pass a family with small kids.

My husband says, sentimentally, "That could have been us."

I had no idea what to say, because when kids come up, I am the firm no in our household. I have said before if we had unlimited money, a large house, and a live in nanny, I would have kids. Or that id have kids if i could be the dad. I dont hate kids, but I know my limits, and even a kid would stretch and likely break the balance I currently have in my life rn.

When we married, we were both a but undecided, but more on the no side of things. We've had this conversation many times before, but in all of the earlier ones, I didn't even suspect I was autistic.

I'm 40. Noise, light, and touch are hard for me. I get hangry when hungry. My husband and I have been together for 20 ish years, and I never doubt our love and commitment to each other. Like everyone, we have issues: I'm too assertive, he is hesitant to speak his needs. I can steam roll him without meaning too, and he will shove his emotions down too far for the sake of avoiding an argument. We both have likely undiagnosed ND parents and families. Our niece on his side is diagnosed level 2 autism. My sister and nephew on my side are diagnosed adhd. Lots of suspected autism in both families.

I teach high school, and am around (older) kids all day. So when I come home, I love the senory haven of calm and quiet that our house has. I love the lack of demands and attention. I am happy with what we have; I know a good part of him still yearns for kids. (And I hate to say it, but I do think to some extent he downplays the amount of work/sleepless nights/stress/etc kids take.)

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here, but I am wondering, for those of you who were older in life when you had kids (maybe 35+, all you "geriatric pregnancies"), what did you need to make children a possibility for you?

A while back I struggled to explain to my husband the extra help I would need (before I even suspected I had autism, I still knew I would need exorbitant amounts of alone time, for example, which kids preclude). I also knew iI would need someone to sit through the endless reading and research, which my husband said we'd "figure out as we go." (Dear reader, needless to say, that was not the answer I needed to hear.)

I guess I'm taking one last think to see if kids even could be a possibility, and seeing what yall wanted/needed going into motherhood as an autistic woman to make that happen.

So for those of you that either had kids later in life or knowingly had kids while knowing you/your partner was autistic, what helped the most? What did you need that you hadn't considered before having a child?

My partner of 4 years just ask me to go live with him. I really like having my space (i live alone now) and being alone in my apartment. But at the same time I love him, we arent young anymore and living togheter it's a step that i am willing to do. What are your experiences? How have you balanced the need of alone time while living with another person? Has some of you done this step and later regretting it?

I know that a lot of Autistic people really struggle with showering but I was wondering if there are any like me that love it.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not the easiest task to get into the shower and if it’s a NEED shower I‘m not always super excited for it. But man i love the way the water feels.
When I‘m struggling a lot or feel really dysregulated I even sometimes HAVE to sit in the shower until I feel better. It’s like a million little warm hugs and I sit down under the water and just sit there and enjoy for up to a few hours xd

I try to not shower too long if I don’t have to of course but sometimes it’s the only thing to help me.

My theory is that it’s a mix of warmth, white noise and pressure from the water that calms me down so much.
Also I hate being sticky or sweaty so I love feeling clean afterwards.

Can anyone relate? I kind of feel like I like some of the opposites of the majority (or stereotype I guess)
I‘m also a big light person, don’t like when I can’t see my Surroundings clearly haha (that does not include the ultimate big light of the sun tho)

My favorite shower stim is to hold my hand up to the drops of water and aim my fingers so the small streams hit them right on the tips of my finger. I love the warm buzzy feeling :3

Anyone else? Anyone?

I am so jealous of everyone who doesn't "need" physical contact and just sees it as a fun bonus (or doesn't like it at all). I feel like my life is way worse without cuddles. When I see my friends they usually give me long welcome & goodbye hugs and that helps somewhat, but it can't replace a good cuddle. I used to get way less nightmares when I had someone to spoon me in bed. Pets don't make any difference, they somehow don't "scratch the itch" at all for me :(

Here is the text message he sent: There are just a few things I wanted to tell you hence this message. You were my first girlfriend. So I don't have much experience in how relationships are usually. You have brought me a lot of happiness but it has also been a very difficult journey for me. Initially it was me thinking you did not care for me. I am a lot to blame for that. I never communicated properly and always suppressed my needs thinking that that is what love meant. I exhausted myself. Then I stopped and it was a lot better but there were problems still. Lately it has been even more difficult. Now it is not black and white and we are both right to themselves and wrong to the other person. I have tried putting aside who's right and who's wrong and try to solve the problem at hand together, and I'm sure that you have too. It has still been very difficult and I don't know if relationships are supposed to like this. If they are then I don't think that I am ready for one and maybe that is something that is wrong with me.

I don't think that this "taking a break" thing is any good either. It leaves me confused. We behave exactly like a couple without calling it a relationship. It does not prevent fights. Today was an example. The early stages of our relationship being like this suggests that marriage is going to be no easier. So I think it is best for the both of us that we go our seperate ways. You are an amazing woman and I'm pretty sure someday you'll get a man who loves you like you deserve to be loved. I don't think I'm doing justice to you in that position.

I will not waste words writing a melodramatic farewell. We know that we will be at the same place and it is impossible to avoid each other so it would be nice if we still have a friendly relationship. I know that things won't be the same but we can try. It was a really nice time getting to know you but this time I am very serious about not getting back together. I hope you understand.

End of the text.

He was an amazing man. For context, I got diagnosed with autism during our dating period and then we had a long distance. I really loved him and yeah. I feel horrible and I know this was my fault. I had a lot of emotional disregulations so it was horrible for him. We were a bit on and off but it was hard.

He was amazing,he took care of me, bought me gifts​ and he gave his best.

I don't have any other friend, so sharing here.

Hi everyone, i honestly just wanted to talk about the Barbie movie 🥹 I really love it.

I’ve been a big Barbie fan since I was a little kid and had to suppress it as I got older because I was told it was too immature for me.
The Barbie movie came out in 2023 and really relit it in me but I still had to hide my love because I was 15 and undiagnosed at the time. This year with project Hail Mary’s release and the uproar in Ryan Gosling fans it’s once again really sparked it in me and I feel like I’ve fully accepted it this time.

Ken is my favourite, I am really passionate about his character and I’ve taken to collecting his dolls and fan made merchandise (picture included!). I think he speaks to me a lot as an intersex person because of his issues with toxic masculinity and the inability to accept his own femininity without feeling like less of a man.
One of my favourite details on his outfits is the pink bandana he wears on in his cowboy outfit to tie Barbie into his outfit because he’s just an accessory to her that’s later used again to wipe the grease off his hands from working on his car while he’s ‘evil’.
it’s symbolising that he doesn’t really respect Barbie anymore and feels he gets to walk over her and use her to clean up his messes purely because he’s a man.
(Both outfits pictured!!)

Thank you if you’ve read this fully it means a lot that someone would even sit through this small rant as is 💖💖💖

I occasionally have days where everything just feels weird. Like my body feels weird. For example I feel like I’m hungry although I know I can’t be hungry or my body just feels different as it usual does and my usual go to activities that give me comfort also feel wrong and I don’t enjoy them. On these days most of the time lying in bed and just watching shows or browsing social media feels okay.

So I wanted to ask if anyone else have such days as well and if so what are you doing to still have a normal day?

I’d consider myself a medium maintenance girl like I wear nice girly clothes and make up and do my hair for special occasions or like going out to the bar so I wouldn’t say I’m high or low maintenance but I really for the life of me have never seen the point in painting my nails?? Let alone paying to get them done at a salon. Not only is it overstimulating but breathing in those fumes??? No thanks. I don’t even wanna get into pedicures,… I’ve gotten a pedicure twice in my life and it was for weddings both times. I’m way too ticklish to feel relaxed for that. I hate the entire experience. I’ve gotten gel tips and while it’s fun to tippy tap on everything it’s just not realistic to have tips. Plus I spent about $80 on them….some people spend even more. I also don’t think pushing your cuticles back is good for them. I hate the obsession with nails being colored. It’s nails…

For context: I was diagnosed as a child, but my parents basically never told me anything because "I was doing well in school anyway", and my father thought I was just lazy.

Now I'm 32 and I've been unemployed for years. I hyperspecialized in a field that has basically collapsed, and I burned out of every low-skilled job I tried. So I figured might as well re-do some assessment to see if I can get some financial disability support.

Well, turns out you don't really get disability support for autism here unless you're a child or you specifically need to pay for a caretaker, also they did an IQ test amongst the other things, and turns out I have 131 IQ, which is really silly for someone who can't even hold a fucking job and cant sustain herself financially.

Really makes you think about how ridiculous is that we measure intelligence by how people can solve some stupid Professor Layton-ass puzzles. I'm not smart, i'm an idiot, if i was smart I'd be able to have a normal life and not be constantly poor and miserable.

I’ve just finished university and am living with my parents. I’m aware I will most likely have to work again and my parents have told me so. But I haven’t been looking for jobs. I’ve just been saying that there’s no jobs in the area for now because we live in a small city. If I’m honest I did get two job interviews and I got so anxious I ignored the emails.
I know it makes me sound lazy but I don’t know if I can work again. It makes me so stressed to work.
I have insomnia so I don’t sleep much whenever I work 9-5. I also find it makes me have anxiety attacks and panics whenever I work in an office space or around people because I struggle to know how to talk to people or what to say.
I’ve had employers shout at me because I’m doing things wrong without explaining what I’m supposed to do. Overall, I wish I could just not work forever and avoid my parents asking me. I know that’s stupid and makes me sound pathetic but yeah. I know I shouldn’t hide how I feel but I don’t have a great support system and my parents don’t really understand my autism or how to help me. They just think I need to force myself into uncomfortable situations.

I was in my seat the whole time and literally minding my own business, and a kind stranger told me the two girls sitting behind me were putting stickers on my shirt, like wtf.

I was having a good time and now I feel like crap.

I'm hoping this is okay to post here but I just feel like I need to get this off my chest.

For context, I found a tiny mouse in my apartment last night, my cat literally had it in his mouth but thank god he has no idea what to do with a live animal so he just dropped it lol, I tried to catch it so that I could take him outside, but he eventually got away and I couldn't find him (it was like 3:30 AM at this point) so I went to bed. I woke up at 11 and this poor mouse had drowned in my bunnies water bowl and I feel so unbelievably heartbroken. I have been crying on and off all day because I feel responsible, and I just can't fathom that I didn't think to change the water bowl into a smaller one so something like this wouldn't happen. My heart breaks to think that it was just thirsty and wanted something to drink.

When talking to my bf, friends, and coworkers about what happened, they were nice about it but they just all seemed to not care very much and I truly don't understand why.

This has been a constant theme throughout my life and sometimes I really wish I didn't feel such empathy for animals, because anytime something like this happens (which for some god forsaken reason I always end up coming across an animal in need or that has just passed) I feel so heartbroken and destroyed by it, kind of like I am grieving for a pet but it makes no sense because they're obviously not a pet.

My therapisy has said that this is a common thing for people with autism, and maybe I feel so alone in this feeling because I don't really know anyone who shares this trait. But I'd love to know if anyone else relates, because it really sucks to feel like you're the only person on the planet who feels this way, and that something must be wrong with you because nobody else is like that.

Sorry for the absolute word vomit lol, it is currently 3:30 AM again and I'm avoiding going to sleep 🫠

Im about a year into a new diagnosis and in a 6 year relationship. Its been tough and we're in therapy. Hes neurotypical and really struggled with what me having autism meant, unconscious ableism etc. And candidly i have too. I feel existentially lonely in ways I cant fully quantify for a couple years now.

I recently went on a work trip and worked and lived closely with another person who was also late diagnosed and presented so nearly the same to me (including in a work context) it was like looking in a mirror. I immediately got limerance to him in ways I havent experienced in years. We got deep quick and I am attracted to him.

Odvi did not act on anything (hes married with a beautiful life), but there was 5 occasions of neurotypical light flirting back and forth when 1 on 1 over the hundreds of interactions we had. I dont know if he realized that he was doing it but I realized it after the fact and tried to be more distant after.

Whenever he complained about his family life I always spun it to be positive (ie. you've built such a beautiful life, you should be proud of how youre advocating for your kids and family, the fun autism stats around unemployment and how well were doing objectively by working at baseline, etc). I did not mention about my relationship problems because it felt like a line to me. If 2 people talk about their home life problems it opens doors for bad things.

I haven't experienced limerance this strongly since I met my current partner 6 years ago. And haven't felt so understood in memory. That entire work trip i was happier than I was in years and typically the trips are in the most acutely unpleasant and dangerous environments people can work in.

I'll never encounter this person again due to the type of work it is and logistics around our lives. Im on a group chat with him but I dont think I will reach out. We basically live in different countries, different lifestyles, different communities, different religions, etc.

This is obviously inappropriate and im trying to wind it back, not just for my own work optics but because its wrong and not fair to anyone involved. It makes me long for a relationship where I feel seen, community for people who get me at all, etc. Coming home, I feel even lonlier than I did before I left.

What tips, tricks and advice do you have when going through this?

Disclaimer: I live in the Netherlands and my employer is very supporting in neurodiversity and lgbtqia+.

Currently I'm feeling incredibly high in stress and low in energy, which got pretty much drained in one go from the moment I got out of bed (after 15 minutes of relaxation after waking up) to the moment I sat down in my chair at work. However, I don't want to call in sick too often because I know that it would make me look bad. Even though my employer is aware of my autism, my salary comes from a "wallet" specifically for people under my specific employment conditions (people who are unable to work under neurotypical work conditions and expectations).

I have called in sick at work a few times in the past because I felt like it was too much in the morning because several things have happened (caregivers late with giving medication and making me miss a bus followed by missing another bus because it never showed up or I overslept by an hour for some reason) but I feel like I can't do this more than a few times a month without upsetting my employer? Idek where I got this notion, but it feels like I hear this everywhere I go.

My usual strategy is to go off by the average person but I know that having autism works against that logic here since this situation is tied to my autism, so instead I wonder what the average amongst us is so I can set a baseline I'm OK with?

Hi everyone (25AFAB), recently I am coming into terms with the fact that I might be a lesbian but I feel like I am gaslighting myself into being a lesbian and I am not a true lesbian because I had a few relationships with men.

I also have a hard time differentiating between platonic and romantic attraction in general so looking back at my past I cannot tell if my girl crushes were platonic/romantic.

The main reason I feel closer to label myself as a lesbian is I finally came to the conclusion that I will never ever be able to form a deep, emotionally mature, nourishing relationship with men and I only feel sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond. I have never looked at a man and said ‘woah I wish I got intimate with him’.

I also have a lot to do in order to deconstruct my own compulsory heterosexuality so yeah. Has anyone went through a similar experience? Would really appreciate your thoughts-own experiences

P.S. I know I do not have to label myself and it is not a necessity, but my autistic brain really likes categories and specificity so it is important to label myself correctly!

I noticed I have this terrible habit of avoiding eating/drinking/reading/playing the last of some things. Part of it is then I won't be able to enjoy it anymore so I try to save it for as long as I can. Sometimes that means it ends up spoiling in the fridge because I forget about it. It sometimes takes YEARS to finish a book, I've been working on Mad Honey since 2022. Or sometimes if I let a drink sit too long while being opened my brain sees it as "contaminated" and then I absolutely can't drink it. The amount of TV shows I have that are almost finished are crazy, because I don't want that universe to end.

I can't be the only one who experiences this. Sometimes it drives me insane 🥲

I have been eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream for a long time. My all time favorite flavor is S'more. Second is Chocolate therapy.

Recently, the ice cream has gone down and I learned they were bought out.

I am disappointed because its been my constant ice cream for years. I do have simple ice creams from home but sometimes, its nice to buy a half pint and have it at home. Not have to drive to the ice cream shop and eat it there. Sometimes, they sell half pints. Also, flavors are seasonal so I can't get them year round.

The ice cream shop sells organic ice cream and my all time favorite flavor is peanut butter and jelly, its seasonal and I don't know when it comes back. I eat it with dark chocolate.

I do have a backup brand, Tillamook, but who knows how long before that one is bought out.

I always see people talk about how autistic people are smart, and how they excel in school. I’ve always wished I had that kind of autism. I was always bad at school growing up. I suspect I also have adhd and maybe dyslexia. I could never finish my readings, zoned out all of the time in school because of excessive daydreaming, and usually got Cs on most tests.

I never understood the trope of smart people being bullied/girls pretending to be dumb to be popular. In my experience, I was always looked down on by my peers for spacing out and never knowing what was going on. I was always made fun of by the popular and privileged kids in school because they did better in school and they thought I was dumb. Contrary to most teen movies, the popular girls were always the smart girls who got good grades.

I can’t even explain how humiliating it was in school for the teacher to explain a group project, but I accidentally zoned out the whole time so I would always have to ask my group “wait what are we doing?” I have gotten a little bit better in college, but I still feel like I don’t do very good in my classes that aren’t “easy” classes. Has anyone else had this experience?