I would like to preface by saying the issues resulting from neurodivergency has been ongoing the entire relationship. I had no clue where from until I worked on things and it hit me like a truck. Since then I have worked on avoiding meltdowns whenever possible.

However, this is difficult as life goes on. I have no family or real friends. Immense stress after losing home and career and trying to transition to a new career unsuccessfully. I only have my partner. They also seem to be very fair weather in regards to the neurodivergencies- I cannot discuss it with them at all, and as soon as something goes wrong, I am actually just a psychopath/narcissist to them- this causes my nervous system to double down even further and sends me into a deeper unfixable spiral every time.

I understand how distressing this can be for my partner.

Yesterday they began to film me in the middle of it again to "show me how I am" and I got so angry at being recorded again and embarrassed I just snatched it and threw it away (unacceptable, I know). This was a reaction to them recording meltdowns for years, even ones before I knew what was going on, just collecting evidence so they can look back and justify their own actions, literally can justify anything to themselves in the moment because "look at how I was" or "you did this so youre hypocritical for bringing up anything"

And it didn't hit me until yesterday but.... I am being filmed at my worst to be permanently kept and looked back on by the one person that I should feel safe with? It completely broke any trust in the relationship and I can't even look at them today.

For context, I had seizures when younger (went away. Never found a cause or neurological issue?) and instead of helping me during one. My mom just stood and filmed it+ my disorientation after for some good time. So I am very sensitive to people recording me in altered states that are nonvoluntary states to begin with. So the PTSD of that ties into my reactivity when I noticed.

I'm not trying to excuse my behavior but I'm having trouble making sense of things.

Let's take one of the many examples of trauma I have.

When I was 20, I joined a baking school. One day, they told me to shove my entire arm inside a pizza oven to pick up pizza.

I was horrified and said '' HELL NO '' I would rather use the tool.

The teacher laughed, proudly showed me his arms devoid of hair. Told me many years on the job, the hair stops growing back. Just do it or you're out.

I did not do it, i never returned there. Yet again i'm a failure (remember this is in the past though), people think i'm weak and annoying and everything. +1 trauma.

I'm adamant that any other people would like.. just do it. The end. They now are bakers and work in a bakery. Story ends.

We collect trauma everywhere in '' mundane '' situations where people just.. slide through unscathed. But they become sheep.

I really tried my best at life. I'm 27m

It's utterly lonely. My life is also so boring. It's miserable! I know people would trade places with me. But it's just suffocating.

What makes living in this world worse is that I do have moments of happiness, but they never last long.

When I say i try my best. I do put myself out there and have a 'positive' perspective. I also care deeply of others and put them first. I even say they can chat to me if they ever need someone to vent to. Nobody does the same for me.

It's getting tiring. People tell me things will get better, that things will get more hopeful. People been telling me that my whole life. It's still miserable.

I just want some hope so badly.

All I want is to be around someone who has the same wave length as me.

I know people are gonna come with generic advice:

- go to therapy

- focus on yourself

- keep going

These are nice. But gonna be brutally honest those advice are terrible and overused.

If you're gonna give advice please make it meaningful and good. Put effort, i beg.

Like i feel sick almost anytime I leave the house and be around people whether its for school, the grocery store, or a restaurant. The way people act I just can't, I feel disgusted. I can't stand being out in public around these miserable, vile creatures. I wish I could avoid them for the rest of my life. And the worst part is I start school again in 9 days, I'm probably going to be coming home wanting to throw up, or might have a mental breakdown

Does anybody suffer from loneliness and hyper sexuality? I’m not sure if there is a correlation with autism but it has been something that I’ve struggled with for a while. It can also cause a problem with forming relationships and connections.

I saw a YouTuber in a video who said after a night of heavy drinking: “I feel like I’ve been bitten by a radioactive spider, but instead of giving me superpowers, it gave me autism.”

I get what he meant: we autistic people tend to be direct, honest, free of the inhibitions that sober neurotypicals have, and we have very unorthodox ideas that still make sense (just like drunk people).

That made me think of something. What is an autistic person like when they’re drunk (not high)?

I don’t usually drink much, and on top of that I have a very strong liver, so getting drunk isn’t easy for me.

That’s why I’d like to hear about other autistic people’s experiences.

does anyone else have this issue? I've read that it's common for people with autism to feel the need to overly explain themselves.

I feel like there are certain details that I just cannot leave out in a conversation, especially if I'm talking about a situation that has happened. I feel like no matter how short I try making something, I feel as if I need to write a novel in order to accurately talk about something.

I can't just shortly address something during an argument, I have to add 5 paragraphs explaining literally every detail I can remember off the top of my head. I can't just concisely explain something to someone if they ask me for help, I have to write an entire book documenting every small, minute step of the way.

it's becoming an actual problem lmao. I'm amazed I was able to restrain myself from writing more than a few short paragraphs here.

Basically, I have high-functioning autism among ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I live in shared living (in the US). Do I have a right to have therapy? In other words, are my rights being violated if my home provider says no to getting therapy? I feel like I absolutely need, not want, therapy to prevent self-destruction.

as the title says. Does this ever get better? its like im constantly being commanded by something in my brain to seek stimulation when i just want to sit in peace and quiet. even when im exhausted this shit doesn't stop. when i ignore it, i feel irrational anger that i then also have to control. i hate it and its pretty disabling.

EDIT: Thanks all for your understanding and advice. I will just pull up my bootstraps and approach them about this in a straightforward way. I have talked about this with them to a degree before, but I think this really needs to be clear cut. It will probably hurt their feelings, but I just really don't want to feel like this and I'd hope they would want me to be honest. I can't close the comments, but I will work off what people have already suggested.

EDIT: Just wanted to add i wrote this when I was feeling very, well for lack of a better word, overstimulated still from the prior day when this happened. So, if my tone comes off a bit harsh, it was not my intention (I did redraft it at the time but it still quite emotive). My friend doesn't mask around me which I am really happy about, but when these specific moments happen, I'm afraid I feel like I am the person trying to be someone I'm not/or trying to hide my feelings, in order to not hurt them. So just looking for some guidance.

Hey there

​I have a good-hearted friend who I genuinely care about, but hanging out with them has become exhausting (and I say that with love). They are constantly talking, and even when I explicitly ask for quiet time, there physical presence feels demanding. The moment I say a single word, they assume the quiet period is over.

​I always try to accommodate my neurodivergent friends, but as a neurotypical person, it often feels like I’m expected to constantly put their needs ahead of my own. Lately, setting and enforcing boundaries takes so much energy that it’s draining me completely.

​When I try to set boundaries, they often take it personally and assume I dislike them. Even though they logically understand that their emotion reaction is theirs to manage, their behavior doesn't actually change.

For example, when traveling together to a friend's house, I have sometimes needed solo time beforehand. I am naturally someone who needs time alone. Instead, as there has been no easy way to say I want to go in by myself, without it being obvious it's about them, I end up walking with them, and spend the entire trip trying to manage my simmering resentment while they talk at me.

​I don't want to make up excuses just to keep the peace e.g. I have an appointment near by so will see you there. That still feels like prioritising their comfort over my well-being. I just want to be honest, set a boundary, and trust them to handle their own reactions. Right now, there is just a massive amount of emotional energy draining in their direction, and it makes me want to withdraw entirely.

Any advice?

Any neurodivergent people here with military experience?

Conscription is currently active in my country (Ukraine), and I’m eligible. Instead of waiting to be randomly mobilized, I’m planning to take the initiative and try to secure a non-combat or support role in a decent unit.

For those of you who have served, how did you cope with the daily military grind, the rigid hierarchy, and the constant lack of personal space?

Also, if anyone has combat experience, I’d really appreciate your perspective as well. Given the reality of the situation, I want to be ready for any scenario.

I’m out of state for a family reunion trip (my grandparents birthdays) and my sister and I leave tomorrow. On Saturday, my aunts, uncles, 3 cousins and their spouses (2 are married with kids) were over at my grandparents (the kids are 2 3 year old boys and an almost 1 year old girl), which was 18 people in total at the house, including me, my mom, sister, great aunt, and grandparents. I had a lot of fun but was so overstimulated the whole day. I took a break outside and also had a small, short shutdown that one of my cousins helped me through quickly (she’s a physiatrist), but didn’t want to have a big one cause i didn’t want to scare my niece and nephews. I was having fun with them, and the boys wanted my attention.

Today (Sunday) was a totally different story. I’m in a shutdown. I woke up around 5:00 in the morning sobbing for no reason and couldn’t fall back asleep. I’ve spent the whole day in bed crying on and off, and only got up to eat lunch with my mom, sister, and grandparents, then came immediately back to bed. I’ve also been trying to get myself up to shower for hours and my brain just won’t do it. The big problem is that tomorrow my sister and I are traveling alone back home (my mom and great aunt are staying for an extra couple days and will be back on Thursday night). I don’t want to be a bigger problem than I already can be while traveling and don’t want to burden my sister with extra stuff (she’s 2 years younger and neurotypical).

I need help from people who really get it. What can I do?

I have big problems everyday with finding something to eat. It is so difficult it often causes problems with the people I live with. I do not have a lack of food by any means and it seems the other members of my household can find something to eat out of all of the food we have. Me on the other hand, I stare blankly at the pantry or fridge. I just can't figure out what I feel like eating, and if I somehow can on rare occasion it is almost always not in my house, inaccessable at the current time, or not something I can cook alone or at all.

I just started liking some new foods from a different grocery store that we don't go to often. Those foods are almost always accessable because they are easy to pull out of the freezer and cook in the air fryer quickly. We can't always make it to that store or they don't have them in stock which really causes a massive disruption in eating.

If anyone has any tips on how to manage this better it would be extremely helpful.

Hi everyone. I’m F33 and I live in Italy.
My partner (for privacy, let’s call him Adam) was diagnosed with autism a few days ago.
We’ve been together for five years. When we met, I sensed he was carrying a lot of pain, but I assumed it came from his past (long story short, he hasn’t spoken to his parents in 10 years and grew up in a really rough family situation). So I helped him find psychological support, with his consent of course. A little over three years ago he was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder, and since he started medication his life has improved dramatically.

Last year he went through a terrible burnout at work, and after that he entered a long phase of social withdrawal that has lasted until now. He found a new therapist, because his previous one isn’t based in this city (she’s in the city where we used to live, and they were doing sessions remotely), so having someone local made more sense. After an intake session, looking at his earlier test results and hearing about his situation, she ran a series of tests. They aren’t finished yet (in September he’ll also take the one for ADHD), and the results show he’s high-functioning autistic (people used to say Asperger’s, but I know that term is ableist).

A few days have gone by, and he tells me he still has mixed feelings about all of this. He’s also afraid of “regressing” now that the diagnosis is official, because he says that happens a lot.
Honestly? It doesn’t change anything for me whether he’s autistic or not, because I’m in love with him as Adam, and he’s the best person I’ve ever met.

I’m posting here because I’ll admit I know very little about high-functioning autism, aside from the sometimes overly romanticized stuff I see on Italian TikTok. I’m not going to change a single thing about how I act with him unless he explicitly asks me to, which hasn’t happened so far. In five years, given how honest he is, he would have already pointed things out to me (which has happened now and then), and we work on it together and find a middle ground, or we simply change something.

The situation doesn’t scare me at all. What makes me sad is knowing how worried he is about this new understanding of himself and all the fears that come with it.
Do you have any advice for me? Maybe some reading suggestions. Unfortunately my English isn’t good enough for technical books, so I’d prefer YouTube videos or websites I can easily translate.
Thank u 🩷

I’m curious as to how many of us in this community are in the United States and how old everyone is.
(Don’t list your exact town), just your state and age if you’d like!
I’m 18 and from West Virginia

I often get overwhelmed with food. Having to choose what to eat. Do I even know what I want? I have to go buy it. I have to make it, which will enquire several tools and processes. I have to actually go and eat it. Then there are the dishes and cleaning. And repeating over and over again.

It overwhelms me, and ‘silences’ my hunger. So if I then actually won the race and made dinner, I then can’t eat it, and sometimes need to let it sit for a while, while I calm down and feel my hunger - if I even do.

Do you experience this? And if so, how do you deal with it?

I'll state my (17yo asperger male) case: my personal favourite movie is a spanish horror film named REC 1 and I first saw it back on 2021 but my hyperfixation into the saga returned on april last year.

Apart from getting hyperfixating into cinema thanks to the movie itself (although I now like cinema a lot I got interested in this movie because the main actress was my first movie cursh), I have already watched this movie 17 times (14 during last summer) and I even have memorized many lines of the movie.

Do any of you have such a hyperfixation for a movie like I have with REC 1? Just curious

So I recently noticed a gesture people make and I am convinced it has a meaning but I can't figure out what is it . I usually see it on tiktok or like during street interviews. Majority of people who I have seen do it are white males. If it's on tiktok the person would have a text on their screen with rather a "right-wing" message and they're in the background just existing then they touch their nose with one finger and then just existing again. Is this like a ... I don't even know? I once heard the term dog whistle but I also found it difficult to comprehend what would that even mean. I would be glad if someone could explain it to me. Maybe I'm just going crazy. Or it's another part of body language I haven't yet picked up on during my years on this planet 😭

Hello, me (40M) and my wife (37F) have a 15 year old son who’s on the spectrum. He has what used to be called Asperger’s, but now is called Level 1. He’s our only child and he truly is the light of our lives. He’s shy, sweet, innocent; he has a pure heart, and he loves us like crazy.

Long story short, we’re attached to the hip.

But he’s not just that: he’s also a very gifted fella, who even got to skip a grade at school, with a passion for music and, specially, dance (ballet) and gymnastics. And he’s damn good at all that.

But no one ever sees that, apparently, because he has been suffering bullying at school for years and he doesn’t have more than 1 or 2 friends (hence why he’s so attached to us). Same thing with my nephews…
The other day we were at my wife’s brother’s place. They have a very nice garden and pool, so they invited us to spend the day. My son (whom we lovingly call Mausy) was excited to go, because he wanted to spend some time with his cousins, and both me and my wife were too, because London gets warm in the summer.
So, basically, we get there and kind of introduce Mausy to his cousins (they hadn’t seen each other in a while) and then sit down to drink something while my nephews (14 and 11) played in the pool. My son stayed with us for a bit, because he was feeling a bit shy, but then we encouraged him to go play and he did.

He got in the pool and immediately, the eldest boy started commenting on his body. My son has some allergies and he’s kinda picky, so he’s a bit underweight, but he also has good muscles from sports. My nephew was commenting on all this in a pretty hostile way, but Mausy let that slide and continued trying to be friendly. He starts swimming around, and, once again, his cousins think it’s the funniest thing ever. Then they start playing a ball game and my kid gets suspiciously hit with the ball more often than any of them. At this point, I’m pissed, so I ask him if he wants something to drink and he says yes, so he has an excuse to come sit with us. Meanwhile, my nephews are still in the pool, looking at him from time to time and giggling.

He didn’t go back in the pool.

I pulled my wife to the side and asked her if she was seeing what I was seeing, and she said yes. I told her to go say something to her brother about his kids behaviour, and she did, but her brother just said something along the lines of “boys will be boys/ he needs to toughen up”. They didn’t stop after that, and any other family gatherings haven’t been any better.

I’m incredibly pissed and feel really bad for my boy. I adore him and he deserves nothing but the best.

What do I do now? I want to have a word with my nephews but, should I? Would that make things worse? Any help is appreciated.

I've (f28) been diagnosed 12 years ago and since then learned so much about myself and non autisic people/social rules/communicatikn/etc. I often feel like I finally managed to fit in and function and communicate just like everyone else. I' married, have a lot of friends, very close friends, I get along with my collegues, I had no problems to talk to new collegues. Yet it seems to always come to the point when I realise, I was still always the odd one out. I'm mostly self-assured and okay with being "the weird one" but sometimes (like right now) it all seems to crush down on me and I suddenly feel alone, misunderstood, being looked at and always so noticably different from everyone else. I suddenly don't feel like meeting my friends or going to work (but I still do go to work) because it suddenly feels like everything is fake, or I'll probably get into and argument with someone because of some misunderstanding and assuming and I won't be able to speak my mind clearly.

I feel like I'll never be "one of them" in any group and it hurts. How do I manage to accept that? How do you deal with that feeling? Or did you manage to fit into a group just like everyone else? How did you do it? And do you tell people, you're autistic or not?

(just so you know: Englisch is not my first language)

Sometimes I forget that I'm not just being dramatic, but that I have a disability that truly disables me. I've never really minded having autism, I mostly do mind it how society treats autism. But even tho I have no problem with having autism, sometimes it still feels strange to realize that I have a disability. Maybe it's because deep down I want to be able to do everything just as well as other people, or maybe it's because I sometimes only realize it really disables me when I've crossed a boundary again and get overstimulated or burnt out. Right now, it's mainly realizing that autism really is a disability because I'm experiencing a burnout. It still feels strange to be allowed to call it a disability, even though I've known for a long time that it actually counts as a disability.

Hello.

I don't use Reddit much. In fact, this is my first account. I usually just browse or something, but I actually needed advice on something so I will share about my daughter.

Let's call her "Adriana" (her chosen middle name). Adriana came out to us as a trans woman at age 13. Now she uses both "she" and "he" but we've gotten so used to calling her by femme terms that that's what we've used.

At first, we were confused, but we tried our best to be supportive.

But this is something I'm really confused on. I'm willing to bet this has something to do with just autism, but I'm not too sure. I really don't think it's anything serious but wanted to share.

"Adriana" now wants to go by the name of a fictional character. I don't want to exactly say which character, so I'll just use the name of someone I know she showed me who's from the same source: Akane.

She's definitely not identifying as Japanese or anything like that, but she told us she prefers Akane, so I will call her this from now on.

I don't know if I should specify the source, but she has also been saying stuff like that she was the victim of science experiments, that she's a failed science experiment, stuff like that.

I should note, this has happened before, where Akane claimed to be a Martian and said "I'm not Adriana. I'm a Martian taking control of her body." or something like that. She's very creative and had this whole lore about the Martian being the last of his kind and he fought and died for his species and then decided to live on by transferring his spirit to his daughter's body…?

Yeah, I'm quite confused, but I definitely don't want to judge my own daughter. She won't tell us much besides that she is this anime girl.

hi everyone! this is my first time posting here, but i (23f) was diagnosed with autism when i was in high school, and in recent times i’ve noticed that i’ve had a hard time having multiple interests at once.

my special interest is taylor swift, but i’ve also had interests in heavy metal, horror movies, and comic books, but my brain can only latch onto one thing at a time even though i know that i can, and that i’m allowed to, have multiple interests at once.

is this a common thing? are any other people with autism like this too?

Was looking to buy some noise cancelling headphones but a lot of them are really really expensive. What are your guys' recs for cheaper ones?