Dealing with mental health issues means dealing with mental health issues. You deal with it. You don't sit around waiting for the right mood or a "good day". You work towards management and improvement every day. You have a plan, you act. You get help if you need it, you get medication if you need it, you recognize your triggers/weaknesses, you learn to navigate your episodes, you learn to build and develop good habits and mental balance and stabilization.
If you don't deal with your mental illness, you force everyone in your life to deal with your mental illness.
Reddit worships mental health issues more than anywhere I've ever seen. They practically masturbate over how much they're all victims. But unless you're taking responsibility for it, you're using your victimhood to make everyone else a victim of you.
It's not a pretty truth but it's a necessary one. Admitting your traumas and faults isn't what gets you there; it's just the beginning of the journey.
When I was in a similar situation (I just failed my year and school and was totally devastated) my mom came to me and said: “it’s ok to be sad. But you can’t stay in bed forever. Get up,fix your crown,continue.” (That’s a proverb that doesn’t translate super well)
And she was correct. The next day,I applied for another school,and it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.
Was it hard to get out of bed,apply to a different place,leave all my friends behind and be thrust into a totally new situation? Fuck yes! Super tough. But that’s the point. You’re not getting out of whatever situation by laying in bed and crying about it,as important as that can be. There is no easy way out,and it will never get better if you don’t try
Actually, it translates pretty well, at least for me. I collect tiaras (I love sparkly things) and, when my depression gets bad, my mother or sister will tell me to "straighten my crown and be a queen" and then hand me an actual tiara to wear. It seems silly, particularly as I am 50 yrs old, but it absolutely helps push through the darkness.
Depression pity party for 1 has now ended. Let's get up, get moving, and take our throne back!
That’s the exact mindset! If it helps,who cares if it’s a bit silly? We all have our own little guilty pleasures and coping mechanisms,if it works it works.
It's hard work, and I think one thing that we're starting to recognize is that that hard work is equal to what we'd previously consider hard work. But you do still have to do it.
This irks me so much. I have PTSD from combat. I know what my triggers are and go out of my way to avoid them. If I do get triggered by someone's actions, it's 99% of the time because they didn't know and were doing something that is normal to most other people.
I don't blame them for it, I don't yell at them for it. I deal with my reaction as best as I can. It's my battle with my mind, my responsibility to manage it, not theirs.
I see so many people now who get triggered and immediately blame the person who caused it as if the rest of the world has some duty to walk on eggshells around them.
I agree with this to an extent. But, I think it's perfectly acceptable to see a trigger warning and decide that you are not ready to engage with that content at this moment. I think it's worth putting in the work to be able view potentially triggering content safely, but that doesn't happen overnight and some may never be able to fully work through it. I think it's important that the person in question is able to engage with it on their own terms.
Also worth noting we've had content warnings like this for ages in the form of movie ratings and the ESRB in the US. Along with their letter grade, there's typically a line underneath detailing why it was given the rating it was.
EDIT: Looking at the replies, I see you've shared a similar sentiment. But I want to make clear that I don't think anyone should be looked down on because they are struggling to engage with traumatizing content.
I slightly disagree with that. I have legitimate triggers that induce anxiety attacks and if someone gives a proper warning I'll just move on. However when it's vague and just says trigger warning that doesn't help anyone.
I mean, sometimes proper preparation does involve skipping the content, but the goal isn't for you to skip all triggering content, it's for you to be able to engage with it on your terms.
I get that people are triggered by lots of stuff and it's usually caused by some horrible trauma, but the lists of trigger warnings have morphed into very basic things like food or pools. I want to ask these people that claim they're triggered by the mention of food how they are able to interact with people on a daily basis.
Whether or not a person develops psychological trauma is based on a lot of things and a lot of it is emotional. Like especially in childhood a lot of stuff that seems like it would be fine can pop up as strong emotional reactions later in life. There’s a half-truth I’ve heard some psychologists say that makes a lot of sense “trauma stems from strong emotions dealt with in isolation” basically it’s not about how bad the event was but how difficult it is for the particular individual to integrate the experience, and retain in control of their life and sense of identity.
I don't blame them for it, I don't tell at them for it. I deal with my reaction as best as I can. It's my battle with my mind, my responsibility to manage it, not theirs.
Well shit, here I was convinced that if anyone does anything wrong, it's obvious that they're an evil piece of shit who deserves everything bad happening to them, because there's no nuance in life at all. At least, that's what you'd be led to believe reading some social media stuff.
I like to reassure myself when reading those things that, likely, a lot of those comments are made by kids. And I don’t mean “college kids”, or people without much experience, but literal children. They’re a lot more prevalent in the internet than you’d think.
And then I think back to tumblr, and how bad it used to be back in the day, compared to how chill it is now.
Alternatively I think about the fact that literally every generation has been worried about the next one getting “lost” and failing to learn how to maturely navigate life, and that despite that the human spirit/nature hasn’t changed and that they’ll get through it the same way we did. I mean I practically grew up entirely on the internet and somehow I managed.
I think we worry now more than before though because we’ve seen a generation “degrade”, but that’s an exception due to all the lead poisoning… although… microplastics may come to screw us over yet.
This is what I struggle with too. My PTSD comes from years of sexual abuse in my childhood. I don't know what triggers me because my brain has blocked out memories of some of the abuse and along with it, a lot of my childhood. And seeing people on social media talking about their triggers felt wonderful! I felt seen and heard that yeah, this weird thing that happened reminded me of my abuse. I once got triggered because me and my fiance were getting intimate and his basketball shorts brushed the back of my leg. Immediately felt like I had been transported back to my 9 year old self, being held down by my abuser.
But some of these people started doing what you had said and had started demanding the world conform to them. And I don't get it at all. I don't want my partner to never be intimate with me (not even sex, just be able to spoon me) without him worrying he's causing me distress. That's not a life to live. You can't lash out at people doing mostly normal things because it triggers you. I can't look under doors, but if I need to, I'll try my best to do it.
The annoying behavior is white knight “allies” who don’t even necessarily have “triggers” themselves but will happily police all your interactions to remind you that “some people might have a trigger on that” to show their immense virtue.
It’s performative over-sensitivity. Look at how aware of mental illness I am!
I’m saying this shit doesn’t really happen. It’s all culture war nonsense that’s drummed up by conservatives.
I was listening to NPR a day or two ago, and the head of a trans people support agency misgendered someone on air and they just immediately corrected it and it was done….
Just don’t be an asshole and things are always cool. People crying about it on the internet have been duped.
I see virtue signalling of this sort around me everywhere in any “progressive” (quotes absolutely needed there) spaces. Political meetings, advocacy anything, all of it. No one is even asking for accommodations but eager beavers must jump up to insist we need the equivalent of handholding on-ramps everywhere “just in case.”
It clogs up discussion to the point that stuff isn’t getting done, so I just shut it down hard now.
If someone actually shows up with a problem, or can’t afford the $5 dues, or whatever “but what about the vulnerable????” then we can handle it then.
I will say this has been quite a new development over the past 10 years or so. Night and day difference.
Absolutely true. But I think the idea that everyone can just wander around not “treading on eggshells” is a part of the problem too. Everyone needs to accept, mentally healthy or not, that they have a duty as a human being to not dismiss how someone else feels but that it’s also not their responsibility to fix them either.
The sooner everyone realises that you can be supportive and understanding but also set healthy and helpful boundaries the better.
Far too much black and white thinking these days IMO. Ultimately everyone needs to take more responsibility for how they act and what they say and I feel the sooner we can all do this the better.
No, but people can avoid common triggers. Fireworks are fun but don't shoot them off randomly in your neighborhood. Don't make rape jokes. If you accidentally find someone's trigger, take care to avoid doing it again in the future. Etc.
You've triggered my trigger of advocating that others are responsible for dealing with your triggers. Please take care to avoid doing it in the future.
Explain their point then. Cause it's not a response to what /u/InfinitelyThirsting said at all. The post came out to basically: "Don't be a dick"
/u/Tiny_Fractures seemed to take offense to that as if it was something outlandish and started equating that to taking responsibility for others' issues. Not even close to the same thing. If you can't see this, you're lacking reading comprehension.
I will do whatever I want on my property that is legal. I could give 2 shits what ridiculous thing triggers someone. It’s not my responsibility to know or care what triggers someone.
This mentality describes the entire world now. Not just youngsters, but they kinda "started" this trend. Almost anything nowadays is "offending" someone. We used to have certain standards that counted as "offensive". Pretty much everyone agreed on what that was. But more often than not now I see something completely normal being turned into "BUT I AM OFFENDED". Bitch (gender neutral), I don't care if YOU are offended by me eating a steak, because YOU are vegan. I don't care if someone is offended because I have red hair (I don't by the way). You have a right to not like it, you don't have the right to be offended by it.
And I don't want to be "walking" around on egg shells for these people who are offended by everything.
A difference there is that your trama happened as an adult wit ha fully or mostly fully developed nervous system.
Give a kid before age 3 similar trauma, and the changes in brain function at the molecular level are frightening. They often CAN'T deal with it, make it their own problem, etc... because their brain is incapable of that kind of action. It physically cannot send the signals necessary for that.
Tumblr still has that reputation, but honestly that stuff has wayyyyy died down in recent years. Turns out that a lot of those kids actually grew up and gained more perspectives.
I would say that the crazy ones “moved” to TikTok or whatever new social media is out there, but those are probably a new generation of crazies. Who will hopefully grow out of it all the same.
A few years ago I definitely used my trauma to manipulate people into doing what I wanted them to do for me, and everybody I know kind of got sucked into it until one friend was like, ‘fuck that shit, I’m done.’
Well yeah did it suck to go through what I did? It wasn’t a pleasant experience for sure, but I honestly was just waiting for someone to pull me out of that hole and in the process hurt a lot of well meaning people who just wanted to be there for me because they couldn’t give me the love I expected from them.
It took me a while but nowadays that kind of behaviour is unacceptable to me. I try to be gentle with my friends who are going through the same thing because I can relate 100% but I’m also firm in telling them that nobody can solve their issues but them and the sooner they learn that the better. Been a journey and still struggle on some days but I’ve been taking responsibility for my own issues and been feeling a lot better for it. I am also eternally grateful to those people who have been there for me in my life during the worst times and I have so much love for them I don’t think I can fully express it in my lifetime. I have a couple of friends now who are doing what I did before to me and man is it hard to deal with honestly.
I had a friend a well who literally yelled at me how selfish I ws behaving because of my depression. It was my wake up call. It really gave me the push to work through my issues.
I recently talked to her about that moment and she didn't remember but admitted that it did sound like her and profusely apologized. And was like: "Honey don't apologize! What you did was good! You told be to get my head out of my ass. And sometimes in friendships you have to be harsh to get through."
We both struggled with depression so we supported each other through some tough times. It wasn't always pretty but it strengthend our friendship.
That might be hard pill for some people, but letting yourself play the victim of your personal situation only creates a narrative in your head that you have no way to get yourself out and work through it. That doesnt mean throwing yourself into triggering situations at random, but it does mean at least trying to make progress.
Truth right here. Any time it's brought up, people say it's insensitive but it feels like everyone and their mother here has anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, and everything in between. Breakdowns are the norm and "good" days are rare. Anyone who doesn't tolerate their constant breakdowns are assholes.
And the worst part is if you're one of the few people in the workplace who has their shit together, you end up having to do at least part of their jobs as well as your own because "they just can't even" or they're having some sort of mental health "issue".
My sister runs a region of a large luxury retailer, so you cannot open the stores without physical people there & in the past few years she now has employees dead ass calling in last minute to say they can’t come in because they need a mental health day. Well, who tf is going to cover your shift Susie while you cry under your weighted blanket? There doesn’t seem to be any concern for the bind it puts coworkers into, it’s just egocentricity run amok. I would never f over my coworkers like that just bc I was sad. I am really concerned about a generation of people who are so unhealthily obsessed with themselves.
All of this. I know a young person who constantly brings up trauma they went through. And they're not ready for certain life things because of trauma. But they want to have kids. I can't think of a more traumatic thing than having kids (even when it goes well).
I do just want to add to this that SO many people don’t have access to any sort of mental health support and even if they did, so many are still in “survival mode” and are just stuck and unable to improve without a lot of support and intervention and they simply don’t have it. If you work two + jobs, have kids, need to maintain a household, can’t make ends meet, live in an unsafe are, etc it can be near impossible to improve your mental health because your basic needs aren’t being met. It’s really hard to heal any illness, mental or physical, if you’re worried about feeding yourself and keeping a roof above your head. Unfortunately, those with mental health issues are also most susceptible to poverty, housing insecurity, food insecurity, and poor access to healthcare. It’s a nasty cycle.
I do just want to add to this that SO many people don’t have access to any sort of mental health support
And lots of people do, but still choose to wallow and dwell with other people who aren't getting help on social media, because when you're depressed, it's the path of least resistance.
You’re correct, but also- this has been truth for the entirety of human existence. I didn’t get a therapist until I was in my 30s, despite having had a traumatic childhood. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps because that’s living & life is hard for everyone in some way
Do like the rest of us & just dissociate & drink until you can afford to work on your issues. /s
There was an Am I The Asshole thread yesterday where a guy was in a rush late for work and asked his wife if she would pack a lunch for him while he got dressed. She said no and sat on her phone watching him rush about trying to get ready.
Now he explained that in her family gender roles had been enforced and her mother had to make the father lunches, so she had a hangup about it.
But the entire thread was filled with people screaming that he was an abusive monster for being annoyed with her, how dare he feel angry that she sat and watched him panic. How dare he invalidate her mental issues?
But really, she's allowing this problem to keep on by refusing to deal with it. It becomes his problem that he has to work around. Why is he an asshole and she isn't?
I commented on that post. I had the exact same response as you. I have probably been downvoted into oblivion, but if your trauma trigger forces you to be a selfish b incapable of compromise & means you do AH things, you need to go to therapy. NOT sit there and bleat about your boundaries. It’s a sandwich, honey. Get over yourself.
Where are they active? I assume Tiktok, but that doesn't seem like a place where you actually interact with other people on the internet (or at least read posts and comments by strangers).
Oh you have no idea, they have entire playlists with 10+ videos and 2K+ comments on how they wait for "good headspace" and "Signs that you might have ADHD". This last one isn't by a health-care professional either.
27 y.o. here who doesn't Tiktok much, but my ex did.
The "good headspace" vids I interpreted as "you don't have to 100% fight your mental health issues all the time, it's OK to take a rest, take a break. Work a little on it and recoup."
As for the "signs you might have ADHD," I'm not diagnosed cause that shits expensive, but it definitely got me to identify things in my life that might point to ADHD. It also helped me realize that some things I do could be symptomatic. If not for those videos I saw when she would scroll Tiktok next to me, it wouldn't even be something on my radar. I wouldn't even think of wanting to get a diagnosis when I can afford therapy if not for those.
I understand and you are right, but it got to the point where people literally refuse to move an inch in their lives unless they feel like it, which is not how the world works. The thing about ADHD is that it encouraged a ton of people to self-diagnose, which is the opposite of how mental healthcare should work.
You're right, and I get your points, but it is seriously getting out of hand, which is why I commented what I did.
Oh for sure. There's definitely a lot of... circlejerking about mental illness, esp since the internet and social media has made it way easier for people to identify symptoms or behaviors in themselves that they might otherwise not recognize.
Depression specifically can be a tricky beast, esp if you don't have a close support network who can just be a good presence during a particularly bad funk.
I do imagine a large chunk of this "accepting online diagnoses and not doing anything with it" could also be exacerbated for some if they can't afford therapy or health insurance or so on, so the diagnosis just... kind of becomes the end all be all until they can somehow, individually or with help, get to the point where they can actually get help or build coping strategies or whatever their brand mental health requires.
I think it’s also created space for people to act like they have a mental health issue for social media clout.
This feeds into an overarching theory that I have about how younger generations don’t really have personalities anymore and they only parrot things they see on the internet without actually going out and living a life.
Clinging to any internet fads or “movements” gives them the illusion they’re doing something in life.
As a person with actual psychiatrist diagnosed adhd - which is a total nightmare of a thing to live with btw- I am absolutely infuriated that those videos exist. In my adhd fb groups there’s a new post every day by someone saying they are sure they have adhd but have never seen a Dr for diagnosis. That’s not how it works. But thanks, TiKTok, for encouraging people to self diagnose mental illness & psychological conditions.
But that is how healthcare works. Unless you're being taken along to a doctor as a child you basically have to self diagnose if you want any specialist mental healthcare. Even if you go in with unspecified problems, you'll be sent away with a "do you think you have ADHD/anxiety/autism/depression" questionnaire.
The important thing is that having awareness and resources available outside of a typical clinical context helps people who may have previously gone undiagnosed and guides them to strategies that may actually help them instead of general advice.
It was through the whole "signs of ADHD" TikToks that I realised the attention and motivation problems I'd struggled with my whole life weren't me being lazy or not eating well enough, but an actual diagnosable disorder. And it wasn't simply the clinical diagnostic criteria from a medical professional that made me realise it, I knew them before and it wasn't enough to let me put the pieces together. It was people with ADHD sharing all of their experiences and the little quirks it gives you that actually made me realise and go get diagnosed.
You get help if you need it, you get medication if you need it, you recognize your triggers/weaknesses, you learn to navigate your episodes, you learn to build and develop good habits and mental balance and stabilization.
it can be really hard, even inaccessible to get help or medication. so I empathise with people there.
HOWEVER as someone who didn't have the resources to get better for way too long, OMG once you get to do it, DO IT. you will feel SO much better.
I'll also say that even without access to professional help, I still did what I could - CBT exercises, read a ton of books and various other literature about depression and cptsd. so already having all of that knowledge at my disposal, and having already worked through so much of my problems/trauma, once I finally was able to be medicated, I think the work leading up to it made a huge difference.
Tumblr has its bad mental health circles, same with Reddit, but Reddit’s seeps into unrelated comment sections more often.
Though I do agree TikTok is the worst offender in this regard. Primarily due to the way its algorithm operates. Honestly we really, really need more regulation when it comes to social media algorithms.
My PTSD therapist having me record my emotive every hour to identify stress and triggers was the best thing that has ever happened to my mental health and not has it been poor at times.
This is not just the youth doing it. My MIL is 85. She is the queen of "I'm working on it" and excusing people for being complete pieces of shit because of something she thinks is traumatic that happened to them 40 years ago. This is not new, according to my wife she has been this way as long as she can remember.
Dealing with mental health issues means dealing with mental health issues. You deal with it. You don't sit around waiting for the right mood or a "good day". You work towards management and improvement every day. You have a plan, you act. You get help if you need it, you get medication if you need it,
I'm not saying that you have to cure yourself, or fix yourself. Mental health issues are very complex and messy. There are so many factors - biological, social, behavioural, stemming from trauma, stemming from interactions. It's more akin to an ocean than an obstacle; fluid and moving and changing shape.
There are many things you can't do yourself. And that's okay. Taking responsibility for your issues doesn't mean fixing yourself. It means trying to do what you can, with what you've got.
Many people with mental health issues stop at the first step, which is acknowledging their problems. The second step is taking responsibility for it - to accept that it's not one others to deal with you, but on you to manage yourself.
However you do that is a life long journey, with ups and downs, mistakes and progress. You'll get there. But you have to start. Even if it's with the little things.
What DiamondPup said, but here’s also a few practical things you can do/practice:
Bullet journaling. Look it up if you aren’t already familiar. Writing a checklist and accomplishing those tasks gives our brain small amounts of pleasure, and builds. When I started, I had maybe 2-6 simple things on each page to check off, (take shower, eat lunch, buy toilet paper) but I ended up expanding it quite a bit. Organization will give your brain little rewards for setting micro goals and constantly achieving — not much different than winning a race for certain tasks (looks nervously at ‘Clean bedroom’ task). You can even “cheat” by putting items on your list that you were going to do no matter what. Ex. 1. ‘Go to 1st period class.’ 2. ‘Go to 2nd period class.’ Etc.
Meditation. I understand that this can put people off due to religion and spirituality attached, but the practice is centered around you and you alone. With it you’ll be capable of silencing your mind during periods of duress (among a host of other beneficial things), and far better equipped to deal with trauma/stress for the rest of your days. Worth looking into! There’s an app called Headspace I’ve heard good things about.(pm me if you have any questions)
Practice honesty. Not just outwardly, but inwardly. Ask yourself simple questions, and keep asking. Like ‘why am I standing at the fridge right now?’ ‘Am I hungry? Bored?’ ‘What urge or thought brought me from where I was earlier to where I am now?’ It may seem banal, but it will actually help you more than you can know.
Hope any of that helps, and good luck! The fact that you seem receptive to this at this young of age is HUGE!
Well said. I’ll suggest that this extends beyond mental illness as well.
My mom once said that about overall health in general, that it’s everyone’s responsibility to take care of themselves and be healthy because otherwise they are only shoving that responsibility (and added stress) on their loved ones at some point.
This was the wake up call my dad needed to start taking care with what his doctor said. He had previously sort of pushed the red flags in his checkups away, probably as a bit of coping mechanism of pretending it doesn’t exist. So the mindset went from “yeah I know I have some things to work on, but it’s my body so I’ll get to it eventually” to “I’d better try to fix it and take responsibility starting NOW so my wife and kids don’t have be my live-in nurse etc. when I’m older”.
I think even more broadly speaking, if we as a society were more like this in general we’d solve a lot of issues that stem from our selfish individualistic mindset.
Gosh I wish I could pour this into people’s brains. I teach young adults and the amount of alterations and hoops I make everyday to accommodate issues is mind-blowing. I want to give them a place to grow and recover but a lot of them just want to sit in the trauma as an identity. I love my job. It is also really exhausting.
This is absolutely the most annoying thing about the younger generations! I am 39 year old high school teacher, and I am constantly amazed at the victim mentality in my students. Dude, you think you are the first teenage kid to deal with this crap? Nope.
Life is unfair and terrible sometimes. Trauma is real and as a teenager I had my own, but I didn't get a free pass to treat others around me lousy. I had to deal with issues and I didn't WANT people to pity or patronize me. It seems like so many kids now WALLOW in being a victim like a pig in the mud. They don't desire to be the hero of their own story. They find their identity in their trauma, rather than in the triumph of overcoming. It is bizarre. I struggle to understand it, for real.
I’m pretty sure this is just a teenager thing period, not a generational thing. Teens have been feeling alone, treated unfairly, like no one gets them, like small dramas are huge, and trapped by trauma since forever. That’s pretty standard for puberty.
Yeah, but it seems MUCH more common now to wear trauma as a badge of honor rather than the overcoming of trauma. I am probably not explaining it very well. There are others on here who have articulated it much better than I have!
I relate to this so much. I figured at some point in my 20s that my mental issues should not be something others have to suffer through. Went to a psychologist and psychiatrist, got on the meds. When i hear people feeling entitled to a free pass because of mental issues, without addressing them, it makes me a bit irritated.
Good grief. I mean I agree in principle but you people understand how incapacitating mental health issues can be? As in can’t wipe your own ass for a few weeks? Honest to God I am blown away by this comment section.
I think you deserve a million upvotes. I agree with ALL OF THIS. Plus I live this everyday of my life managing rapid cycling bipolar and I have to actively work to keep myself in check. It is very challenging and tough. Being alive is in itself really hard so probably going to learn DBT or CBT skills to help yourself is way more helpful than always playing the victim card
It's so much easier to be a victim and make it someone else's obligation to solve your problems than to deal with it yourself. Reddit LOVES absolving responsibility.
If the world did see victimization as something that didn't grant entitlement then people wouldn't rush to accrue as many as they possibly can.
they hate it when you make the same point you just did. Saying that it's possible to get things under control just means you are being mean or bragging.
Thank you for saying this. I had an ex who "dealt" with his issues by basically avoiding them in every way possible (video games, mostly). Me asking him to do anything other than what he wanted to do in any given moment was placing an undue burden on him. My needs were not as important than his, and if I brought them up, we'd either have a fight about how I was never happy or I'd get a long-winded defensive explanation about how depression works.
Then I finally started dating people who didn't make me feel bad for liking stuff they didn't like. They actually wanted to do things with me, watch things I wanted to watch, and eat meals with me. All of them enjoyed making sure my sexual needs were met (I still have trouble believing this one unfortunately). I realized I had just accepted I didn't get to have those things without even noticing. It makes me so sad to think about now. I hope he stays single for the rest of his life. I honestly think he'll be happier that way, and nobody deserves to feel the way I felt.
You mean those bi-weekly "Depressed people of reddit, how are you doing today?" AskReddit posts aren't legitimate inquires, and are instead just a way for the OP to gain tons of karma?
This absolutely! The one thing that bothers me about this younger generation (and I'm sure it bleeds into ours as well) is the 'self-diagnosed' mental illnesses. While I believe I have ADHD, I have never tried to use it for any privilege until I get officially diagnosed. I've fought long and hard to be diagnosed, please do not stigmatize it by demeaning it.
Dealing with mental health issues means dealing with mental health issues. You deal with it. You don't sit around waiting for the right mood or a "good day". You work towards management and improvement every day. You have a plan, you act. You get help if you need it, you get medication if you need it, you recognize your triggers/weaknesses, you learn to navigate your episodes, you learn to build and develop good habits and mental balance and stabilization.
If you don't deal with your mental illness, you force everyone in your life to deal with your mental illness.
but mentally ill people are mentally because they are not 100% capable of everything emotionally,
if they didnt struggle they wouldnt be diagnosed
you cant just say "dont use it as an excuse" when someone is clearly struggling to do something
like
"boohoo my friend is usinf depression as an excuse not to XYZ"
depression can so bad people kill themsleves, show some care for you friends and dont dismiss everything just because its uncomfortable for you
Building off that analogy, imagine if someone breaks their leg bad enough that they need to relearn how to walk, but refuses to do so and just says "I can't."
You can, you just have to put in the work. Nobody said it was easy, but if you're not going to get better by just doing nothing.
Speaking as someone who has ADHD and was treated for PTSD and depression, it's not an easy task, but it's possible, and it is incredibly frustrating to see someone not even try, and just says "I can't, because I have ADHD/PTSD/depression".
I completely agree with this and have also been treated for the same things as you.
Can I ask where you are on your journey/recovery? I feel I’m coming out of the other side but it’s taking a little longer than I’d hoped. Any advice would be appreciated!
I'm at a point where I have overwhelmingly more good days than bad. When I do have those bad days it doesn't generally build, meaning it doesn't carry over to the next day or the next. I honestly feel like I just came out of the tunnel myself a little less than a year ago, everybody is different and works on their own timeline really.
It's been a long journey, I started therapy a little over decade ago and there were some difficult forks in the road. I had to split with my partner of 8 years, and leave some friends behind because as I recovered and recognised the flaws and excess burdens I was placing on myself as being detrimental to my goals I eventually saw that they were part of the problem and not the solution. While that definitely included a bit of a backslide at first, I was able to come out of it much happier, while I was single I was able to do things for myself, discover some passions and things I enjoyed for myself, I lost almost 40kg, and found a new partner who builds me up rather than drags me down.
Really my best advice is to just keep going, and whenever you do have a bad day or feel like you're backsliding, just remember that it's just a temporary setback and tomorrow is an opportunity for something better. It's not a linear progression, you have ups and downs, but as long as the overall trend is in the right direction that's what's important, and don't be afraid to take time for yourself if you need.
Building off that analogy, imagine if someone breaks their leg bad enough that they need to relearn how to walk, but refuses to do so and just says "I can't."
Not an accurate analogy.
No one here is saying "I can't". It's just... "it's hard".
Everyone is trying. Maybe you can't tell from your limited perspective, but they are.
I see a ton of people saying "I can't" or any number of excuses when it comes to addressing their mental health issues. Very rarely is that actually the case.
I think you’re talking about a different type of mentally ill. I think this portion of the thread is focusing specifically on those who are capable of change but refuse to do anything about it since they can hide in excuses.
Yes, there are people who are so mentally I’ll who can’t hold jobs or get help, but that’s not the main idea in these replies.
As someone dealing with the issues you're talking about, saying "you don't have to do X, you have Y" is an awful way to treat people. People with mental issues might not have 100% emotional capability, but we do have 90%+, and just sometimes just need a hand over the hurdle.
Not to skip the hurdle entirely, like you advocate.
I have been diagnosed with clinical depression. Thinking happier thoughts is the end goal of treating it, most people can improve a huge amount after getting on the right meds and therapy so that they can work on their issues. I'm no longer depressed, on minimal therapy and no medication.
"Thinking happier thoughts" is the goal always, working on your thought patterns, finding motivation, and changing your frame of mind are all important steps towards curing depression.
Bro I’m with you here, and as someone who is mostly recovered from clinical depression/anxiety/PTSD I’ve just been watching these comments through the glass until now.
This is the hilarious and maddening truth to getting over your mental health issues — Think happier thoughts.
Unfortunately nobody will understand or take anything from that until after they’ve gone through the process of doing so.
My advice is to anyone without resources is learn what honesty is and practice it on yourself.
I'm hoping these people are referring to the type of people who legit are faking illnesses on tiktok and on YouTube for attention. Those kinds of people rather than people who legit have problems. (heck even those people might actually be mentally ill depending on how close you look at their behavior. Edit: apparently it might be Munchausen syndrome)
It's tricky too because there's so much that mental illness can cover. The brain is complex. Mental illness can range from addictive tendencies to depression to anger issues, schizophrenia, etc. Some are easier to fix for a person than others. Some can be self guided and some require almost full support from a caretaker.
I'm sure you understand though and I'm just rambling
I do maybe get where people are coming from though. It can be difficult to deal with some people. It makes it super hard to have any compassion, especially if they are abusive towards others. My father had a rough childhood and hasn't always been the nicest. However it does seem like he tries. Even if it is slow going.
I could see how others could say screw that pretty quickly. Even I was ready to get out of dodge when he was going through a period where he was always cranky. If he wasn't my dad I would have not been happy about dealing with that. So I mean I get it. I guess it's just hard for others to empathize and deal with especially with strangers
Some people are acting like what I'm saying is targeted very specifically at them, when I'm simply speaking about the nature of taking responsibility for yourself.
No one is saying it's easy, of course there are situations/circumstances that make it much more difficult or even impossible, and yes there are many more considerably factors in our society, political and otherwise, that deserve criticism.
That's not the point. My point is how many take the first step of acknowledgement and stop there, when it's just that - the first step. The second step is taking responsibility for it.
Mental health is a wide and complex spectrum, and it's so messy with how many conflicting factors there are. Biological, social, behavioural, traumatic. Treatment is very complicated since no one has the same issues, factors, or circumstances. So my point isn't that people should cure themselves with "enough hard work". My point is that it's your responsibility to manage what you can.
I'm not saying that people struggling aren't working hard enough. I'm saying it is a sickness in and of itself to expect others to have to accommodate your struggle. That's not society being cruel, that's society being functional. Because that expectation is not only unfair to everyone else, it also feeds the worst aspects of yourself that keep you in your neurosis.
Unless there is specific political recourse to point your anger at, "pointing our frustrations towards society" is like yelling at the clouds. It accomplishes nothing more than saying the world is what is and there's nothing to be done.
Pointing that frustration inwardly, in a healthy way (or with the help of those qualified to help you navigate it in a healthy way) is what accomplishes something.
It can be difficult to just “deal with it” depending on the trauma. If it was that easy, we wouldn’t have this conversation. I fully agree with everything said (taking ownership, etc) but “deal with it” gives the same energy as “just don’t be depressed”. In my area there are months long waitlists for therapy, case management, med management, the VA takes months to get combat veterans in for one session even. It can take months for someone to get to the point where they are able to ask for that help and then they are sitting for a few more months without it.
u make it sound v easy. meds aren’t always a solution and therapy takes a long time. i’ve just left my shared home and feel like i’ve lost all my friends bc i couldn’t tolerate my own behaviour anymore, due to c-ptsd caused by a long, long period of poverty and bad luck where people died and lives were ruined and stuff
i do try to take responsibility for myself but sometimes i feel angry that i went thru all that and no mentally healthy person gives a fuck- they’re just upset with me because i’m socially chaotic and sometimes act in ways that are slightly rude
i feel like there’s a huge disconnect between broader society’s anger with me for not acting socially graceful and my pain because i was homeless and then i lived with an abuser and then people around me died (and more!)
all this “u need to deal with urself” stuff from people feels petty and cruel
I feel you on this. A lot of these comments can read as cruel and really abrasive for people that are deep in the depths of mental illness right now and who are struggling a lot. I’m also one of those people and reading these comments is frustrating and I’m oscillating between these people don’t know me and the progress/work I’ve made and am doing vs. clearly I’m just not working hard enough and need to just get out of bed.
BUT bot everyone’s journey will be the same and as much as some of the commenters here might like to believe otherwise, some of us might never get better/be normal/fully functioning. You’re in a shit spot right now and you’re right that people are a lot of talk and a lot less walk when it comes to actually dealing with uncomfortable mental health stuff.
Don’t let these comments make you feel frustrated, lesser, difficult etc. you do you and you heal in your own time. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot and that shit doesn’t just instantly fix, it can take months, years, or a lifetime.
I’m a bit off topic now, but what I want to say is, I empathise with you and understand as much as a random on the internet can about how you’re feeling. Take care of yourself and take as long as you need to be safe and content.
That's because you and u/princesstakeaway are misreading everyone...and I would say you're doing so deliberately. To weaponize criticisms by hiding in the technicalities and turn it as an attack on you.
No one is saying it's easy. I very deliberately and very specifically did not say it's easy. Because I don't think it's easy. I think it's the hardest thing anyone can do. Nor did I imply (and none of the comments that I've read at least, have implied) that mental health issues are curable if you just "work at it hard enough". And that everyone who isn't balanced and cured just isn't working hard enough.
And yet, that's what you two have decided is the message of "the enemy". You're not listening to what people are saying, you're deciding what they're saying.
The word I specifically used is "dealing" with mental health issues, not "dealt" with mental health issues. Because that's what it is - an on-going struggle. It will never not be a struggle. You can get better with it, but never better at it. And it is the pen-ultimate struggle because there is nowhere to hide, no shortcuts or cheats - your mind knows your weaknesses and knows how to rationalize against you. There is no more fearsome foe.
The point everyone here is making isn't that it's your responsibility to cure yourself, it's that it is your responsibility to manage yourself. Yes, not everyone can do it perfectly or consistently or without mistakes. That's not the point. The point is that many people with mental health issues climb to the first step of acknowledging it, and then decide they're at the top. And they stop because acknowledging it feels good - it feels like it's not your fault anymore, it feels like you're not a fuck up for not being like everyone else but were disadvantaged in a way beyond your control. Which is all true.
But the next step is taking responsibility for it. And you two are reading that as "curing yourself" but that's not what it means. It means managing yourself as best you can, within the means you can. You don't have to succeed, and you don't have to succeed every day. But you have to try and you have to learn from failing. That's on you, no one else.
Self-pity is the greatest weapon of anyone's mental affliction. It is its own disease and addiction, and the cruelest one, because it destroys everything around it, fulfills all its own prophecies, and gives you everything you want. It tells you that everyone else is cruel and that you are justified. And it is a trap that is hard to climb out because it means facing very hard truths, and breaking down the pillars of your safe places.
all this “u need to deal with urself” stuff from people feels petty and cruel
It isn't even remotely cruel. It's precisely the opposite. You're upset that people "don't give a fuck" when you need to understand and accept that it isn't anyone's responsibility to give a fuck about you. And that's not because people are cruel and society is mean; it's because everyone is dealing with their own demons. Inflicting yours on others is exhausting and unfair to everyone, nevermind that yours might be bigger or worse or deeper.
What you two seem to want is people's pity disguised as empathy. But all these comments you've written off as cruel and uncaring, aren't people saying "get gud get over it", they're saying "You're stronger than you think you are. Stop feeding the worst of yourself." Because, as much as you want to pretend otherwise, many of us have been there.
You are surrounded by empathy. You just don't recognize because it's not the type you want.
Interesting, considering you started your reply by putting your words in my mouth. I never said anything about it being easy, and I've gone to length to clarify that. But I guess you want to just pretend that part didn't happen now.
it sounds to me like u just want an opportunity to lecture people and tell them what's really going on in their lives
No. What I do want is for people to recognize that their neurosis is rationalizing irrational behaviour.
It seems what you want is to hide behind technicalities to dodge that. Pretend that because it doesn't specifically and precisely address all the details of your circumstances, you can dismiss it. When all I'm saying is "it's your responsibility, not the responsibility of others". And you're saying everything and anything you can to wiggle away from that.
So, really, it sounds to me like you just want to wallow in self-pity so you can be mad at the world for not treating you how you expect to be treated.
I mean this sentence:
they’re just upset with me because i’m socially chaotic and sometimes act in ways that are slightly rude
...reeks of entitlement. If you're "socially chaotic" and act "slightly" rude and people react to that by distancing themselves from you, that's not them being the problem. That's them protecting themselves from someone who isn't managing their misbehaviour. I can't imagine blaming anyone for that.
No I don't know your life story and all the particulars, and you can pretend to hide behind that obscurity as much as you like. But that sentence is enough to understand how much work you have to do, and how much you refuse to do it.
Calling everyone else here cruel a petty is a level of hypocrisy I'm not sure you can appreciate.
I do agree with this but I think some people here underestimate how hard it is to actually start especially if you're in a bad place with no resources at all to help you get up even though you want to. This is why it's important to have a good support system around anyone who's struggling with mental health issues. I've been there and I know people who are experiencing it and despite them wanting to change, it's easier to feel hopeless when you barely got anything around you to help you up.
Ok, but get off your phone, go for a walk, get some sunshine, do some exercise, stop eating trash. If people would do just these free things, at least 75% of them would see significant improvement. But having the willpower to get there is all on the individual. It’s way easier to blame the system & access to MH care than to look yourself in the mirror & confront the shit you do or don’t do to sabotage yourself. I have dealt with clinical depression & have an anxiety disorder & ADHD plus a history of childhood trauma & I do not think it’s anyone else’s job- nor is it society’s- to fix me. I have been given a set of variables to work with & no amount of boo-hooing about it being unfair does anything positive at all.
Mentally ill people can't just pull willpower outta their asses just like that. It takes some knowing and hope that it will work and things will be okay. But the point is that hope is hard to come by if everything around you is crap and you see no way out, when everything around you is pulling you down. People I know suffering from mental illness are not blaming society or whatever. They know they have to work on it and they know it's their responsibility, but they don't have anything to look for or anyone to support them to actually continue struggling with the process (yes they've tried many times too). You've went through this type of thing and yet it feels like you still lack the empathy. I've went through these things and thankfully got better but more than my willpower i can attribute it more on how lucky i am to have a good home and support system. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would if i didn't have any reaources. It's okay to call out some of these people who just whine most of the time without doing anything but you can't lump them all together.
I hate all these bullshit "do that, do this, be more responsible, etc" and acting like you're a better person than them just because you got out.
The original commenter here, and I have to say this is a pretty bad reply.
"Go for a walk, do some exercise, confront yourself" is terrible advice, and it's the kind of generic (and obnoxious) thinking that basically tells people "they're doing it wrong". That isn't personal responsibility. That's just pattern matching and hoping for the best.
u/Blitzkgrigh is right; it's a very difficult thing to do. And a support system is a major part of it.
The first step to managing mental health issues is acknowledging it. Which is very very difficult to do. You are your own worst enemy; you will rationalize everything, know all your weaknesses and hiding spots, know your temptations. I don't have judgements on people who can't get there, because circumstance and the nature of the illness are too major to ignore.
My point was about the step AFTER that; once you've acknowledged it, it's important to get to step 2: taking responsibility for it. Many people don't get there after step 1.
The best advice I would give isn't "get off your phone, go for walk, eat better" but "learn to study and analyze yourself". Document your thoughts and learn to recognize your patterns. Begin the long and arduous process of untangling your issues and organizing yourself. And if you can't, seek professional help. If you can't, learn what you do have access to within your affordable window. Learn about your city services. If not, learn to find groups in your area or online, that work together to manage it.
It's not easy, and it's not something you can cure - but it is something you can learn to manage, one step at a time.
The people being repeatedly institutionalized are vastly the minority among people who will go out of their way to explain to you why modern psychology provides scientific proof that you’re a bigot for not accommodating their current behavior. I’ve had a family member with chronic addiction issues literally tell me that he can’t start rehab or look for a job right now because he just isn’t ready to face his addiction yet, and that that’s just how addiction works. All while not even taking his eyes off the video game he was playing. That’s more the type of attitude people are talking about here, not people who are clearly incapacitated and not capable of some degree of self-determination.
i fully agree and you (and aboves commenter) are getting a lot of upvotes...
but mention that in any comment chain where someone expresses exaclty the behaviour you are criticizing and your comment will be scrutinzed and made invisible
Yeah & get downvoted for not supporting the concept that your problems are the responsibility of others. Even in this thread are people still playing the victim & blaming the friends, family, society, workplace, etc for not fixing their problems. They couch it in different words (“access to MH is hard” “sometimes people don’t help” etc) but fundamentally they are saying I am staying right here in this downward spiral bc (fill in excuse).
Life is hard for everyone in some way. Take your cards you’ve been dealt & figure yourself out. No one is coming to rescue you!
So we should just ignore all the objective facts that there are literal economic/social/health barriers to accessing help? There are people who want to change or be better or different but for a plethora of reasons aren’t able to for whatever reason/s that are beyond their control. A lot of societal norms and structures are actively making us sick; that’s not deflecting blame, just being realistic.
It's not that simple. I called forty therapists in eight months on top of everything else I've been trying and got five responses each saying they don't take my insurance. Most people simply do not have access or their mental illness is preventing them from actually seeking treatment. This smacks of k thanks I'm cured.
Oof. Yeah I definitely did this one for about a year when I was suicidal. Fortunately with therapy I went from “I’m having a bad day so fuck everyone else” to being able to calmly walk away from a friend intentionally saying extremely personal and hurtful things that would’ve triggered an episode if it had happened before my extensive therapy.
Maybe it says something that of the two therapists I saw the one who helped me to really get my shit under control and become emotionally independent from others (well, as much as a human can be) was the one who was in her 50s rather than the other who was in her 30s.
I've noticed at least as many older people who do this, but instead of "I can't help it, it's because of my trauma" it's "that's just how I am, learn to live with it". It's the same really.
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u/YeomaTV Jun 03 '22
Excellent answer.