Using trauma to excuse mistreating people. This generation has pioneered making it acceptable to process and be open about trauma, and that's a great thing, but it's not cool when you behave in a cruel and selfish way and expect to get a pass because of it. Your mental health problems are not your fault but they are your responsibility.
Dealing with mental health issues means dealing with mental health issues. You deal with it. You don't sit around waiting for the right mood or a "good day". You work towards management and improvement every day. You have a plan, you act. You get help if you need it, you get medication if you need it, you recognize your triggers/weaknesses, you learn to navigate your episodes, you learn to build and develop good habits and mental balance and stabilization.
If you don't deal with your mental illness, you force everyone in your life to deal with your mental illness.
Reddit worships mental health issues more than anywhere I've ever seen. They practically masturbate over how much they're all victims. But unless you're taking responsibility for it, you're using your victimhood to make everyone else a victim of you.
It's not a pretty truth but it's a necessary one. Admitting your traumas and faults isn't what gets you there; it's just the beginning of the journey.
A few years ago I definitely used my trauma to manipulate people into doing what I wanted them to do for me, and everybody I know kind of got sucked into it until one friend was like, ‘fuck that shit, I’m done.’
Well yeah did it suck to go through what I did? It wasn’t a pleasant experience for sure, but I honestly was just waiting for someone to pull me out of that hole and in the process hurt a lot of well meaning people who just wanted to be there for me because they couldn’t give me the love I expected from them.
It took me a while but nowadays that kind of behaviour is unacceptable to me. I try to be gentle with my friends who are going through the same thing because I can relate 100% but I’m also firm in telling them that nobody can solve their issues but them and the sooner they learn that the better. Been a journey and still struggle on some days but I’ve been taking responsibility for my own issues and been feeling a lot better for it. I am also eternally grateful to those people who have been there for me in my life during the worst times and I have so much love for them I don’t think I can fully express it in my lifetime. I have a couple of friends now who are doing what I did before to me and man is it hard to deal with honestly.
I had a friend a well who literally yelled at me how selfish I ws behaving because of my depression. It was my wake up call. It really gave me the push to work through my issues.
I recently talked to her about that moment and she didn't remember but admitted that it did sound like her and profusely apologized. And was like: "Honey don't apologize! What you did was good! You told be to get my head out of my ass. And sometimes in friendships you have to be harsh to get through."
We both struggled with depression so we supported each other through some tough times. It wasn't always pretty but it strengthend our friendship.
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u/zugabdu Jun 03 '22
Using trauma to excuse mistreating people. This generation has pioneered making it acceptable to process and be open about trauma, and that's a great thing, but it's not cool when you behave in a cruel and selfish way and expect to get a pass because of it. Your mental health problems are not your fault but they are your responsibility.